Is obsession an energy vampirism? Like a bath sheet: why women are imposed on men

Both sides in a dialogue suffer from obsession

Obsession as a personality trait is a predisposition to meticulously, obsessively impose the provision of services, one's society, the topic of conversation, while ignoring the desire (lack of it) of others. importunate person unceremoniously tries to invade your individual space without giving you the right to choose. A person who is a hooker is bored and dreary in his loneliness.

They are spiritually poor. They hold a grudge when they do not want to communicate with them. They ask why you did not respond to messages where you disappeared? Obsession is an attempt to completely enslave the will of another person. Such people are unhappy love relationship. Intrusiveness discourages the desire to communicate and destroys feelings. It is unbearable to stay with a person who completely devours your energy, manipulating your consciousness.

The difference between obsession and persistence

What does ? This is a trait that helps to achieve a goal, while showing respect for the opinions of others. It's like a long-term plan. It does not have speed and instant results.
What about obsession? Weakness of character, selfishness, egocentrism!

The obsessive demands subjugation from head to toe. Persecution and annoyance will not bring a positive outcome. The bottom line is that the boundary between obsession and perseverance in each person is determined purely individually. Therein lies the difficulty.

How to learn not to impose on people

In order not to be intrusive, you should not end the relationship. It is necessary to build communication, observing certain conditions:

• Live your life respecting the opinions of others. What are you interested in? Do you have a hobby? Spend more time self-knowledge, something new, exciting. This is much more useful than pestering someone.
• Knowing of limits. Manifest - you need to feel the line beyond which pleasant communication with you ends and the patience of your presence begins. Be wise and consider people's opinions.
• Another method. Instead of begging and shaking out what you want, try to deserve it worthily. So that a person would not be a burden to give what you want.
• Charge your battery. Obsession is akin to energy vampirism. Replenish your strength on your own, not like a lousy leech. How to replenish energy? Get it from nature, your favorite things, but do not pull from people.

It is possible to learn not to impose on people.

For many girls, a man is not a new acquaintance and just an interesting person, but a walking solution to all problems - from material to everyday ones. You barely met, and you already figured out how much he can give you: married girlfriends they will no longer terrorize with questions, parents will be indescribably delighted, the faucet in the kitchen will not flow, and it will become easier to pay off the loan. Of course, this is not necessarily about pure pragmatism: perhaps a new romance promises you an imaginary deliverance from complexes, because many girls believe that the only proof of their attractiveness and femininity is the presence of a boyfriend.

Where it leads

The reason for your obsession is that he is your arch-target. After all, a new life is at stake, which becomes real only with the appearance of a man in your house.

All thoughts and actions begin to revolve around him, and he behaves passively. After all, for him you are just an interesting acquaintance, an object of love, and not a complete deliverance from life's troubles.

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Separate the notorious flies from cutlets: a man is one thing, and problems are another. And only those women who know how to solve their own difficulties are rewarded with true love without any extra impurities.

Rejection of your life

Often we fixate on a man because we do not live fully. “Leaving” in love is easier than solving personal problems, which have accumulated a great many. A man can become for you an alternative to creative self-realization (“I didn’t succeed in my profession, so I need to get married”). For many young girls, marriage is a way to leave the parental home, where there were not the most peaceful relations with mom and dad.

Love for us is a kind of medicine with a placebo effect. Having accepted it, we forget about the difficulties, because we are overwhelmed by a wave of emotions that overshadows negative feelings.

As a result, it turns out like with alcohol: problems do not go away, but new ones arise - a man, as a rule, refuses to take on the role of a “switch”.

Where it leads

You live from call to call, from meeting to meeting. You are offended that he can safely eat, drink and work without thinking about you every moment. In order not to turn into an obsessive fan for him, take care of solving your problems. Self-confident girls get more attention.

The unpredictability of love

You are a strong personality, and many things in life are under your control. For example, the amount of money in your account depends on your actions, in everyday life you can rely only on yourself. But in love, this law does not work - it is connected with the will of another person, which you cannot control. You are not able to make a man act according to your scenario.

But for some reason you do not accept this reality. It seems that the more energy you spend and actions you perform, the more successful your personal life- as if it were a large business project.

We are afraid to show feelings, because we are not always sure that the other person needs them, and because of our own fears, we miss the chance to become closer to those who are dear to us, the chance to find our happiness.

According to Elena Kuznetsova, director of the Vladimir dating agency Me and You, a family psychologist and interpersonal relationship consultant, our fears of seeming intrusive are often unjustified. They are taken from our head from our own complexes:, excessive suspiciousness.

“We evaluate any situation from the height of our bell tower, and therefore everything is only our fears. Another great person said that the limit of your ego is the limit of your consciousness. That is, we ourselves create problems for ourselves and nurture complexes in ourselves. And if for some reason you think that you are being imposed on a person, then, most often, you are mistaken, ”says the psychologist.

At the same time, most of all we are afraid to show intrusive when. This is normal - all our fears are aggravated at the moment when we are interested in a relationship, because we do not want to lose someone who is dear to us. In a situation where we do not need a person, we behave very naturally. We are not afraid to ask: “They will send it, they will send it,” we do not react to rudeness: “What can we do, the interlocutor is a boor,” we think. That is, we do not perceive any response of a counterpart at our own expense, as in the case of interest in a partner.

Obsession is…

Elena Kuznetsova defined obsession as follows: ignorance of the measure, lack of tact and manifestation of selfishness - all together. IN real life obsession is manifested in the repeated repetition of the same situation. Moreover, the actions are performed rapidly, one after another, with virtually no time gaps.

But in the situation described above, the woman with her proposals did not look intrusive, since some time passed between her proposals, during which she might have met the subject of her interest under other circumstances, for example, at work, and saw the man’s reaction to her person, could evaluate this reaction.

“Imposition is a package of actions that are carried out rapidly, that is, an attempt to “shove” the whole thing, which should last several months, into one day. The imposition has a short period, ”the psychologist emphasizes.

When you are in a relationship...

At the stage of conquering a man or woman, one must act very subtly so as not to frighten away the object of passion. When, they feel more confident, but here another danger may lie in wait for them - the conviction that the possession of a partner gives the right to tightly control him. For example, arrange interrogations or call at any time of the day.

A typical situation is when a woman and a man agree to call, and the man should call first. and begins to annoy the partner with calls with statements like: “I'm tired of waiting, you promised to call me tomorrow, and I decided tonight. And in general, I tried to get through to you, you did not pick up the phone. I tried to call again... This . It is important to treat your partner with reverence, to compromise, to be able to hear your loved one.

Another example: a man and a woman agree in the morning to have dinner in the evening. We didn’t have time to part, as the lady calls: “See you in the evening?”. An hour later - again: "Is everything in force?". An hour later: “Have you chosen a restaurant yet?” and so on - hourly calls throughout the day.

“You don’t need to “get” your partner with endless personal calls. Frequent calls are justified only if you are solving some business issues, ”says Kuznetsova.

The psychologist also notes that it is always important to be attentive - how quickly he answered, for example, your call or message.

“Women are very fond of pulling phraseology. Men often by nature respond briefly. And here the young lady should try to do everything in a dosed manner, wait for the reaction of her partner. For example, she took the initiative, asked something, the man should answer her. After that, if the woman still has some questions, she should consider whether she calls her partner on time, maybe it is worth postponing the conversation, because her man is still at work and is not disposed to personal conversations. All these moments must be subtly felt and taken into account, ”advises a consultant on interpersonal relationships.

About male obsession...

Most often, women who conquer men are called obsessive. Representatives of the stronger sex, persistently conquering passion, are considered heroes. This is due to our mentality and upbringing.

Historically, a Russian, and a woman, should be glorified for her modesty, Kuznetsova notes. It just so happened that the lady, as a weaker creature, sits at the window and waits for her prince, who, after meeting her beloved, should take care of her for some time and give buttercups-flowers. And if the young lady does not fall into the arms of the prince, then for a man it is normal to be persistent and.

Helpful information

However, the representatives of the stronger sex are also obsessive. At the conquest stage, this can manifest itself in the fact that they are categorical and continue to push even after the woman has already openly said several times that she does not want a relationship.

When people are in union, a man's obsession can manifest itself in hyper-custody towards a lady. There are representatives of the stronger sex who call their girlfriend hourly and ask her if she has eaten, if she is warmly dressed, if she has wet her feet, and so on. Perhaps, some young ladies will like such excessive care, but it will annoy someone.

If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .

The famous Russian writer I. S. Turgenev, wise in life, once said: “There is no equality in love - one loves, and the other allows himself to be loved ... Love is a sword: one holds on to its hilt, and the other to the point ... ". Psychologist Valentina Meged offers recommendations that will help to conquer a man so that he does not feel that you are trying with all your might to win his heart with a weapon in your hands.

08:50 29.01.2015

You can take the initiative in the struggle for your own happiness into your own hands and always hold firmly in them the hilt of the sword described by Turgenev. The man will hold on to the point, but he will not feel pain and will not want to let you go. The main thing is that the conquest should be easy and unobtrusive.

The first thing you should do from the very beginning is to study the character of the man and establish with him sincere, trusting relationship so that it is comfortable for him to stay close to you, otherwise he may suddenly disappear and thus remain an eternal mystery to you. He should not have the feeling that they want to conquer him, conquer him. Yes, and you should not feel that you have grabbed it with a stranglehold and are afraid to lose it. You can win the heart of a man easily and without the use of force.

Second - be sure to follow the 12 principles successful communication with a man.

1. Do not expect fiery words, hugs and explanations from any man, especially in the presence of strangers. Not every man is capable of this. Do not be offended by him if he is so restrained, and do not demand the impossible.

2. He can be very sensitive to heat, stuffiness, unpleasant odors, the sight of your cosmetics, uncomfortable furniture, as well as the hidden malevolence of others. This needs to be recognized and acted upon.

3. The slightest trouble with health can cause him a bad mood for a long time. If you fail to guess and tactfully help in solving his problems, then leave him at least for a while alone, otherwise he will take out his irritation on you or remain silent, but will be disappointed by your insensitivity.

Men's and women's psyches are very different from nature. Understanding the difference in psychological and emotional characteristics will help build relationships, as well as avoid conflicts and disappointments.

• What do women and men expect from each other?
• Key differences in the psychology of men and women?
• How not to make a mistake in choosing a partner?
• How to build harmonious relationships?

Learn more and learn the art of understanding

on free webinar from Socionic Laboratory SLON

8. Remember that your partner can sometimes get tired of showing emotions, both his own and the emotions of those around him. In such cases, you need to leave it alone, or try to patiently tune it in the right way, as musical instrument. Only then will you hear the necessary chords. Straightforward arrogance, assertiveness or dominance irritate him.

9. He needs hot and sincere recognition his talents, which can increase his self-esteem. In his heart, he does not forgive those who do not believe in him, and thus develops an inferiority complex in him and undermines faith in his own strength. But he is indifferent to standard compliments and formal expressions, behind which is ordinary politeness. By the way, since you will definitely have some ability or ability to do something worthy of praise, you can also make such an impression on him, from which admiration is one step, from which love often begins.

First meetings and dates light flirting- what could be more exciting and enjoyable? Start romantic relationship always associated with anxiety and doubt. Many women are ready if a man does not call for more than a day. Should I call and write first? How to remind a man about yourself and not scare him away?

Interest or obsession?

Times when it was thought decent girls don't talk to guys first, are a thing of the past. Modern ladies are not shy to take the initiative. Such a desire is commendable, but do not forget that everything is good in moderation. Any man is pleased with the interest from the opposite sex. On the other side, excessive attention can tire. The main rule: if you decide to write or call first, limit yourself to one call / message and wait for an answer. Many women, being carried away by a man seriously, literally lose their heads. Having written a message, they do not release the phone from their hands, waiting for the recipient's reaction. If there is no answer within half an hour, the hands themselves begin to type the next message. Of course, this is not The best way how to remind a man about yourself. Just imagine how stupid you will look if you send a dozen messages or a hundred calls on the phone that the man of your dreams simply forgot to take with him.

The most unobtrusive way to remind yourself

In our age of high technology, almost every person has a personal page on a social network. And this great way communication. To find a real acquaintance in the virtual space, it is enough to know his first and last name, as well as the city of residence. Modern communication allows you to add new acquaintances to your contact list literally on the day of the first meeting. How to remind a man about yourself with the help social networks what to write to him? Most unobtrusive way- put "likes", or ratings, to photos. You can comment on any picture, video. Alternative option- have a personal conversation. Start with a neutral question. If possible, avoid completely banal phrases: “How are you?”, “What are you doing?”. Ask better: "How are you?" or “How is your weekend?”. In fact, your goal is to directly start a conversation. By its development, you can judge how much you are interested in the interlocutor.

The Art of SMS Communication

Many people enjoy texting more than speaking out loud. And indeed, there are advantages to messages before calls. You can weigh every word, and you do not risk saying anything superfluous. How to unobtrusively remind a man about himself: SMS, MMS - what to choose? It is appropriate to send photos only to a man with whom you know each other well. Short messages SMS is suitable way to communicate with any acquaintance of the opposite sex. What to write? The best option- neutral-positive messages. You can give a man a compliment or offer to meet. Most importantly, never send repeated messages without waiting for a response. Try to avoid quarrels and showdowns over SMS. If you have any questions or complaints, please make an appointment.

Photo postcard - a reminder of yourself to your loved one

In this age of high technology, there are many ways to send an image. Use MMS messages or personal mail. You can send a photo of yourself with an intriguing or cute postscript to the man with whom you are in a love relationship. If you want to attract the attention of a friend or a member of the opposite sex who is just beginning an affair, it is better to choose a more neutral reminder. Share photo news, take a photo and send something unusual, unique or simply beautiful. Let it be a picturesque landscape, a new landmark of the city or a photo from some interesting event. If a man is interested in communicating with you, he will certainly lively support the proposed topic or at least give you a couple of compliments.

How about SMS?

Traditionally, a pickup truck is called men's secret tricks to seduce women. But why shouldn't the fair sex get their own technique for conquering guys? Most men are quite curious. Do you want to win attention? Send the object of your sympathy an intriguing message. Great Options: “You surprised me!”, “They told me this about you ...” or “I didn’t expect this from you.” Do not be too lazy to come up with a legend in advance of what exactly you were told.

The young man you like does not call for several days? How to remind a man about yourself? SMS can be sent to his number, pretending that you made a mistake. You can write something frank and seductive. The alternative is to send something rude. Send a "random" SMS and forget about it. If the recipient is at least somewhat interested in communicating with you, he will definitely want to clarify the situation as soon as possible. Don't forget to pretend to be surprised when you hear a call or receive an SMS reply.

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Universal reminders and reasons for meetings

Are you going on a date and are afraid that it will be the last one? There is one effective method to help avoid such a scenario. Leave the man a "souvenir as a keepsake", in other words, forget something from him. The item should be valuable enough so as not to fall into the trash can immediately and give a new reason for meeting. You can "forget" some of the clothes - gloves or a scarf, business card holder, jewelry or cosmetics. Try to leave your reminder where it will look most natural and will be revealed only after the breakup. In a car, theoretically, any thing can fall out of a handbag. If you have been visiting, cosmetics accidentally left near the mirror is also a completely banal phenomenon. You can arrange the next meeting by borrowing something from the man himself. Ask to read a book or throw some files on a portable information carrier. Having exchanged any things, you will always have an excuse for a meeting. And you no longer have to think about how to unobtrusively remind a man about yourself.

Take a promise from him

Any man wants to be a real hero in the eyes of the opposite sex. That is why all the guys are ready to instantly fulfill any requests of lovely ladies. Think of what a young person of interest can do for you. Maybe it's time to fix the socket or help carry heavy bags? Choose a task that he will definitely cope with. Is it worth reminding a man of himself if he promised to help you, and then disappeared somewhere? The situation is complicated, but it is always better to check why it happened. Do not be too lazy to call and delicately ask whether it is worth waiting for the fulfillment of promises. If you receive a refusal, do not even think about persuading or asking again. Remember that the object of your sympathies could always really just forget about what he promised. And a reminder in this case would be more than appropriate.

Random encounters are not random

One of the most effective ways to make a man think about himself - regularly "accidentally" catch his eye. Try to learn as much as possible about him and use the information received. Visit his favorite cafe from time to time, you can unobtrusively show up near the place of work of your chosen one. Women often say to themselves: “I want to remind myself of the man of my dreams,” and in their desire they are reckless. If you decide to use the method of "random" meetings, it is important not to abuse their regularity. In addition, you should always have an answer ready for the question of what brought you to this place.

How to remind a man about himself: mystical ways

Some ladies claim that they have achieved the attention of the gentleman they like with the help of magical means. Before deciding on any mystical manipulations, try to establish yourself in your desire. Only when you are confident in the depth of your own feelings, you can proceed to action. Every day before going to bed, concentrate your thoughts on your chosen one. Remember all the best moments spent together, and do not hesitate to dream about new meetings. To establish energy connection put a photo of your loved one in your room. It is desirable that it be a recently taken portrait. Look at it and imagine a joint future. Remember: the photograph used in this ritual should not be touched with your hands. It is desirable that strangers do not see it. Should a man be reminded of himself magical ways- This personal question. In love, as in war, all means are good, so why not try?