What to answer such cases. I will teach you how to answer tactless questions - these phrases will stop annoying people

The monkey sits on the bank of the river, looks at the water. A crocodile swims by and thinks: “Now I’ll ask if she got married or not? If she says she came out, I’ll say: but who took you so terrible? If she says she didn’t come out, I’ll say: of course, who would take such a terrible one?

Sailing to the shore:
- Hey monkey! Well, are you married?
- Yeah, you'll get married here, when only such crocodiles swim in the river!

Who among us has not been at a loss from time to time in front of unceremonious questions? Who does not know the feeling of powerlessness before the poisonous language of familiar wits? Who hasn't experienced a sense of embarrassment when they are hurt by a word? Indeed, in life there are people who try to assert themselves with this weapon, often humiliating another. It often happens that our friends and relatives voluntarily or involuntarily injure our soul with a sharp word. It happens that people behave unceremoniously in communication, without noticing what they are doing.

It is well known that a word can hurt, hit, they say, even kill. The word is the strongest weapon! And if this weapon is also sharpened, then it is even more dangerous. humor has magical property psychologically destroy everything it is aimed at. Ridicule devalues ​​any object, makes it insignificant, insignificant, ridiculous, this is the essence of this virtual weapon. Humor directed at a person psychologically hurts his self-esteem, devalues ​​his personality in the eyes of other people, mentally hurts and scratches.

And we do not always have the words to defend our dignity in such situations. Even Heinrich Heine said: “Since it has gone out of fashion to wear a sword, it is absolutely necessary to have a sharp tongue!”

How does a person usually behave when in a similar situation? One of the typical reactions is irritation or even aggression. But such a reaction, of course, is a sign of weakness and powerlessness, an irritated person loses his reputation in the eyes of others. Another typical reaction is numbness, embarrassment, a person is confused, does not find what to answer or answers stupidly and banally. Of course, in the eyes of the environment, he also looks weak, if not pathetic. Another possible reaction to tactlessness or wit in your address is withdrawal from communication, avoidance. What do people think of a man who left the battlefield? To explain, of course, is superfluous: it is associated with cowardice. In any case, having climbed into the pockets for a word and not finding any successful answer there, a person usually feels uncomfortable and somewhat humiliated.

It is very important in such situations to find a witty, at least creative, in other words, a creative, original, unconventional answer. It is this response that presents you to the environment as a person with intelligence and a sharp mind. It is desirable that wit be proportionate, i.e., not hurt more than what the opponent deserved, but also sober him to a sufficient extent.

As an example, the witty response of Winston Churchill in the State Parliament of England has remained in history. One lady opponent, in the heat of the political controversy, became personal and allowed herself the following attack: “If you were my husband, I would pour poison into your glass!” To this Churchill instantly replied: "If I were your husband, I would immediately drink it!"

The great football player Maradona gave a good answer at a press conference:

- How would you comment on Pele's statement that he does not consider you a good coach?
- Time will tell, but let Pele go back to the museum!

Another example of a good answer. The famous singer Anna German did not like it when they hinted at her high growth. Once, the “starred” entertainer at the concert allowed himself the following faux pas: “Tell me, how many meters are you?” The answer put him in his place: "It does not matter how many meters, it is important that I am certainly taller than you ...".

Consider a number of typical tactless or touching questions and look for successful answers to them. We found many of the answers at trainings on creativity and wit in speech, according to the principle - one head is good, but brainstorm better. And now we have a happy opportunity to use the received options in life. And if you grasp the basic principles of finding answers, then you yourself will be able to find brilliant answers to any questions.

It would seem that a good and quite innocent question is “Hi! How are you?" But, on the other hand, such a pattern shows that a person does not even want to strain his brain and make efforts to search for more interesting option start the conversation. Most often, this is an indicator of the narrowness of thinking or the insignificance of other people for this person. You can get off - “Normal”, but you can remember or create a witty option:

- Have not given birth yet…
“Things are in the Kremlin, and we have affairs ...
- They go with your prayers ...

You can use the counter question method:

— What business do you mean?
– What exactly interests you?
Are you just asking, or are you really interested?

One of the best options to get away from an uncomfortable or sharp question is precisely the method of a counter question. It forces you to think and look for the answer of the opponent himself. Home preparations in the form of counter questions are as follows:

- But why are you asking?
- And for what purpose are you interested?
- Why do you want to know?
How will you use this information?

I have always been touched by people who answered the question from the tube “Tell me, where did I get to?” honestly answered: "This is the Ivanovs' apartment." Can you imagine what will happen next? Usually such an honest answer provokes the following series of offhand questions:

- What's your number?
- How long have you been living here?
- And where did the Petrovs go?

The best option for the question "Tell me, where did I go?" will be just the method of a counter question: “Where are you calling?”

It turns out that not always an honest answer is the best. This is what he tried to teach us Cheshire Cat on the example of Alice:

- Tell me, dear Cat, where should I go?
“And it depends, girl, where you want to go…”
“But I don’t care where I go!”
“Well then, it doesn’t matter where you go…”

Of course, the form and degree of rigidity of the answer depend on the specific situation: on the degree of arrogance of the question, on your relationship with your opponent, on the degree of your patience with your opponent - is he also a person? But it's all on the level common sense which, I hope, the reader is not deprived ...

Consider one of the most tactless questions for women: "How old are you?" You can answer corny - they say, "all mine", but you can find more witty chops:

- As many as winters ...
- The main thing is not how much, but what ...
- Carlson's method: "I am a woman in the prime of life ..."
- By the method of a counter question: "And how much would you give?"

Another “good” question: “Oh, are you getting better?” Humorous answers:

- No, I just after dinner ...
No, it's just that you've lost weight...
I didn't get better, I got better...
- You can answer with a counter question: “What, you don’t like it?”

Another "women's question": "Girl, are you married?" Options:

- I'm not "for", I'm "with" my husband ...
- Not the right word, I have a whole harem of husbands!
- A counter question: “Do you doubt?”, “Did you think that no one would take me?”, “Do you want to make me an offer?”.

Well, the record-breaking question among stupid templates: “What are you doing tonight?” Options:

- Rob a bank...
- Fighting off annoying fans ...
I'm celebrating my husband's birthday...
Same as yesterday...

However, if you are free and there is a feeling that a person is not completely lost to society, you can forgive the platitudes and help:

- What can you offer?
- It depends what you want...

One of the brightest participants of the training tested those who tried to get acquainted with her with her favorite homemade preparation: “I am considering offers interesting men... ". If he did not get lost and quickly reacted with an interesting answer, he grew strongly in her eyes.

A universal question for men and women, usually after a vacation: “Well, did you hook (a) someone?” How can you answer? For example, the response of a monkey from a joke:

- Hook here when only crocodiles swim ...

- Yes, the fishing spots have already been snapped up ...
- Yes, I didn’t cling, I caught it with a net ...
"What, you didn't believe in me?"
- I would tell you, but I'm afraid you will envy ...
- Yes, where should I go, everyone was just waiting for you!

Another question that can put both a man and a woman to a standstill. Usually follows from the second half: "Have you had anyone before me?" It is foolish to deny - still do not believe. Better find beautiful care:

- If there was, then it is incomparable with you ...
“Before you, I didn’t live at all ...
- Before you, I only had a mother ...
“What difference does it make, because I love only you ...
- Yes, before you there were dreams about you ...

Now let's think about the best way to answer next question strangers on the street or on the phone: “Hello! Do you have a minute?" What is the indiscretion? The fact that the person has obviously already decided that you already have a minute - and not one - for him, and expects that it will be embarrassing for you to refuse the conversation he needs, but not the fact that you need it.

Answer options - do you have a minute:

- It depends on what you want...
- And why are you sure of this?
“Sorry, I’m not wasting my time…
“What do you want to ask…?”
Yes, but it's too expensive...
“Do you have three hundred dollars with you…?”

From no less tactless acquaintances, you can hear the following: “Why do you still have no children (wife, car, apartment, money, director’s position, academic degree)?” Options:

- Did not deserve his behavior ...
Karma doesn't allow...
“It interferes too much with my genius…”
“It distracts from saving the world…”

Well, let's remember the counter questions:

- Why do you want to know?
- Why are you interested in this?
- Can you offer it to me?

Another example of an attempt at wit: “And how do you get so much change? Are you collecting alms?" Let's try to find interesting beats:

Yes, I just got back from church...
I just collect scrap metal...
This is my salary for the year...
- I took the subway ticket office ...
I see you are jealous...
Do you want to go together tomorrow?
“What, have I competed with you?”

For all methods of response, the main thing is to show freedom from stereotypes, creativity and develop the speed of mental reaction. In conclusion, I want to wish you that you are in all life situations We were able to quickly find the most successful answers to any difficult questions!

Women don't always mean what they say. In front of you cult feminine phrases. We have added answers to them that will serve to strengthen your mutual understanding. After all, mutual understanding is exactly what we first of all want from women. Apart from everything else. This means: that you were a scoundrel and missed the everyday ritual of stating our love several times.
Correct answer: "My love for you is as big as the volume of the ocean compared to a bag of orange juice!"
Incorrect answer: “I already told you everything on this topic when we met, why are you asking again?”

It means: "Urgently tell me how beautiful I am." A man's assessment of his own appearance is based on the first opinion he hears and remains fairly stable until clinically proven refutation. That is, up to forty years old, a man considers himself slender and curly (as his great-aunt attested, pointing to graduation photo) and begins to position himself as fat and bald only when the attending physician writes down “obesity” and “alopecia” in black and white on the card. Women's self-esteem changes two to three times a day and depends on regular injections of compliments.
Correct answer: "Ha ha ha! You are a reed, you have to be force-fed like a dystrophic.”
Incorrect answer: "Of course, it's hard to call you thin, but in general this is not the main thing."

#4 I can't do this...

It means: "I'm not going to have sex with you now." Which is understandable without words - it is sadly buttoned up, looking slightly guilty. You remain in overexcited bewilderment: so - how is it? How exactly can't she? You feel like an underdeveloped lustful animal, unable to understand subtle mechanisms female psychology. In fact, the meanings of "I can't do this" vary widely. From "on the first date" and "I'm married (you're married)" to "to the cackle of your friends from the next room" and "I have these days." You have come across a sensitive nature that makes such a thing as sex with you very great importance. Do not be shy, go to the end, and perhaps, unexpectedly for herself, she will be able to do so. Not this time, but the next.
Correct answer: "I understand you. Feelings are sometimes stronger than logic.
Incorrect answer: "Fine! And what am I to do now, to walk like this?”

It means: "I'm a little afraid of you and I don't have sex at all on the first (second) date." There is such a rule. This will not affect the quality of your future relationship in any way, you just have to wait a bit. You have your own little rules too, like not showing your collection of whips and handcuffs on the first date.
Correct answer: “But it seems to me that we have known each other for a thousand years!”
Incorrect answer: "Now I'm going to the toilet, I'll be back, and it will be like a second date, okay?"

This means that your relationship has entered a phase of trust and stability. Now you can afford garlic croutons, a raised toilet seat, and sex in socks. She will forgive.
Correct answer: “Of course, dear. What do you like - where are three drops or two drawn?
Incorrect answer: “Maybe I should go to the gynecologist instead of you?”

It means: “I was found to have a strange sexually transmitted disease. But which of us infected whom - big and interest Ask". Do not be discouraged, medicine has reached such heights that, theoretically, even pregnancy can now be caught by everyday means. Incubation periods last for years, so you can both provide yourself with an alibi. And don't be surprised if they don't find anything with you - everyone, you know, has their own microflora. And be safe next time.
Correct answer: "I, of course, will check, but you are still a very windy girl for your age."
Incorrect answer: "Wait, I'll explain everything to you!"
This means that you will now need to say something very, very convincing. Because for the past two hours, she's been fueling her jealousy, judging the facts, and maybe even calling your friends, with whom you allegedly whiled away the time in a bar with impenetrable walls for mobile communications.
Correct answer: (after rinsing his mouth with cognac): “Darling! Juventus did screw up Parma 3:1! Are you glad? But I seem to have sowed a mobile ... "
Incorrect answer: “Am I obliged to account for my every step?”

This means: “Today you will have to do without vaginal, oral, anal and all other types of sex with me, because I'm not in the mood. Don't even try." Although it is possible that she really just has a headache.
Correct answer: “It's the brain growing. Do you want me to find you a pill?
Incorrect answer: "It's nothing. Lie down on your stomach, your head won't feel a thing."

№12 Do you notice anything?

It means: "I tried so hard, and you, insensitive brute, did not even pay attention." Urgently examine the questioning woman from head to toe for metamorphosis. The chest is in place and has not changed in size? It doesn't mean anything yet. Try to remember some basic features of her appearance - the color and texture of her hair, the color of her eyes. There are changes? Not sure? Do not be upset, a person is not able to remember those 200-300 parameters that a woman considers the main ones in her appearance. New may be a manicure, dress or eyebrow shape. If your girlfriend suddenly began to resemble Donald, she may have increased the volume of her lips. If her eyes seemed to you larger size, perhaps she used to wear glasses, but now she has got lenses. Although it is possible that she just did general cleaning or hung new curtains. Which should have caught my eye right away.
Correct answer: “Of course I notice, I'm not blind! So much better!”
Incorrect answer: "What should I notice? New curlers?
It means that you still haven't done enough work on this sore point. Yes, you have already compared her to concentration camp prisoners and offered her to buy things in the children's department. But this is not enough! You yourself should make a thoughtful face from time to time, squint and mutter thoughtfully: “Have you lost weight? It seems to me that you have lost weight ... You need to eat more ... "
Correct answer: "I swear on my game console, you will soon have to change your wardrobe - all these things are great for you!"
Incorrect answer: "If you ask me about it again, I will tell you the truth, and it will be scary!"

№14 Let's stay friends

It means: “I met someone more sexually interesting than you. I feel a little uncomfortable about this, and also - I feel sorry for you. Of course, you felt good with her not only in bed, but also in the movies, at the disco, on the beach. Therefore, there is a temptation to "remain friends" in order to continue a pleasant relationship. Do not give in, in the cinema, at the disco and on the beach, you will still think about sex.
Correct answer: "No no. I'm afraid you won't be able to stand it and rape me."
Incorrect answer: "Great! Let's go shopping and drink coffee and cakes together. But I still hope that you will come back to me ... "

№15 I don't know what you see in it!

It means: "I hate this painted creature and, if necessary, I will scratch out her eyes." Each male company has its own lyrical heroine, the discussion of which is the charm of the notorious male conversations. Usually this is a common colleague or former classmate. She smokes, drinks and skillfully tells obscene jokes. Easily sits on someone's lap if not free places. And even if there is ... It doesn't mean anything, it's just that she's so direct, so her own. Wives and girlfriends hate them.
Correct answer: "Nothing! She's fat, ugly and... what's the word... vulgar! By the way, you seem to have lost weight.
Incorrect answer: "Come on, she's cool!"

#16 You're a man!

This means: “I was about to do this unpleasant thing myself, when I suddenly remembered who I could blame it on.” Screw in a light bulb, hammer in a carnation, bring a potato - no one argues, it really needs strength, dexterity, ingenuity and other qualities that the boys absorbed in labor lessons. But there are other missions (absolutely meaningless) - to return halfway, turn off the stove, climb out onto the winter balcony for a three-liter jar, rummage through the beach in search of hairpins - which female point only titans can see. Attempts to discuss these missions in terms of the laws of physics and logic are regarded as ungentlemanly. You are a man! So do not argue, but rather take an umbrella and bring a powder box from the car.
Correct answer: “Of course, dear! Ah, your sweet distraction!”
Incorrect answer: "I can't, I already painted my nails."

#17 Am I disturbing you?!

It means: “I don't want you to change the subject immediately. And it is desirable that they never return to her again with me, and especially without me. In the presence of girls, men's conversations become especially exciting - where to go on vacation? where to buy bathroom furniture? Is Japanese food healthy? But it happens, word for word, the conversation moves off somewhere in the wrong place. Holidays, hot countries, Thais can do this... Built-in appliances, Petrovich, by the way, installed a video camera in the bathroom, and when prostitutes come... By the way, oh Japanese cuisine- Do you remember that waitress from the Hiroshima restaurant? .. This is where the girl begins to fidget and feel uncomfortable.
Correct answer: "Sorry, dear! Gennady, stop talking nonsense! So, from the point of view of the “price-quality” ratio, German mixers ... "
Incorrect answer: "Ha ha ha! Dear, close your ears, I want to finish the thought.

№18 Do you remember what day it is?

This means: “I waited half a day for congratulations and flowers, they were not. I looked at your non-holiday face, and a terrible guess entered my head ... ”Remember quickly. If today is her birthday, your anniversary, March 8 or February 14, you can still get out. Pretend that you have been preparing a surprise all day, and blow for gifts. If today is a holiday of a smaller caliber (for example, 1000 days from the beginning of your sexual life), then you could well, as a confused workaholic, forget about him.
Correct answer: "Of course I remember. But do you remember? Come on, tell me."
Incorrect answer: "Tuesday".
It means: "Are you thinking of marrying me or what?" The first year is the most enjoyable. Vacation, New Year, influenza epidemic - everything is like the first time. Then repetitions begin, and the girl thinks about the future. How long can you "just date"? You grow up, she gets old. Not ready to get married? Introduce her to relatives, write out a power of attorney for the car, make duplicate keys - in short, take steps towards the final rapprochement, play for time.
Correct answer: “I see our future in the brightest colors. Let's go out of town for the weekend!"
Incorrect answer: "What's the point of thinking about it, we'll all die anyway!"
It means: "I'm bored here, I have no one to impress here, no one notices my appliqué suede skirt, and even you don't pay attention to me!" Once in the company of unfamiliar acquaintances of your girlfriend, you can always find solace in a secluded corner with a bottle of whiskey and the catalog "BMW-2004 Model Range". Women are not so sublime and self-sufficient beings. Bring - entertain. If you don't know how, take it away.
Correct answer: “Of course, dear, we’ll go now. By the way, meet Oksana, Misha's wife. Their baby is only two, and she has already gone to work. It's so interesting!"
Incorrect answer: "Lie down here on the couch, I'll wake you up when it's time to go home. Wait, I'll bring a towel to cover you."

It means "I don't want to date you". Because if she wanted to, she would wash her hair in 15 minutes, rush to the date 10 minutes early and wait around the corner to be like 5 late.
Correct answer: “So, I release the limousine, throw away the flowers, pour out the champagne, cancel the table reservation in the best restaurant in the city, send the bear back to the circus, and send the gypsies to the station. It's a pity".
Incorrect answer: "Wash it from the inside, you stupid dynamo!"
This means: "I will not call, but politeness does not allow me to send you to FIG." Well, it could be worse, you could get the answering phone of the district bath. Get her out of your head, better luck next time! Especially if you shave off your mustache and change your deodorant.
Correct answer: "Write it down. Most likely, my butler will pick up the phone, he does not speak Russian, but he understands everything.
Incorrect answer: "Are you sure you'll call?"

№23 I understand everything

It means: “You are married, but this does not bother me. Don't worry, I won't bother you with calls in the evenings." Well, if you want a non-committal relationship on the side, this is your chance. Especially if the girl is over thirty, she is married and has three children. She does not need flowers - where will she put them then? She always has her passport with her - in case of a hotel. She complains about her family life, you - on your own. She understands everything. And yes, you don't even have to have sex. Romance!
The correct answer is: “Understanding is your most valuable quality.”
Incorrect answer: “Could you use the same perfume as my wife?”

№24 Do you tell all the girls this?

This means: “I don’t believe in romantics with such an impudent mug!” Reading magazines was not in vain for you: you know what words to strike a spark of excitement even from a stone female heart. I love cooking, kung fu, children and dogs. You have a graceful neck, let's go to my place, let's read Pasternak aloud... He doesn't believe me. Strange. Try to look her in the eyes next time, think about something sad and high (for example, about the presidential rating) and put carnations in your shoe - all these measures will give your lustful image the right amount of contradictory trepidation. Which in the twilight can be mistaken for sincerity. Yes, and take that pack of condoms out of your breast pocket.
Correct answer: "Yah you! I'm generally shy around girls. You're the first one that interested me in a hundred years."
Incorrect answer: “What are you all talking about today ?!”

Asking "how are you?" most often no one expects to hear long stories about life. This is not a question - but just a friendly gesture that implies a short and concise answer. To the best friend, a neighbor in an apartment or a friend on the street, people respond differently. Unusual phrases make a person stand out from the crowd. A funny and witty joke can not only dilute the conversation, but also emphasize your good feeling humor.

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To the questions: “How are you?”, “How are you doing?”, “How is life young?” people are used to answering usually "I'm fine." But you can do it differently: emphasize your charisma and individuality, greet your interlocutor beautifully. If you are not afraid to look funny, the best answer is something funny:

• I live in color and smell!
• Everything is fine as long as no one is jealous.
• Like in a fairy tale, the further the worse.
• Everything is in chocolate, even the keyboard.
• All is cool! Envy!
• Awesome, I fly on the wings of happiness.
• As they say here in Odessa, I don't want to upset you, but I'm fine!

Such options are more suitable for colleagues or friends. WITH by a stranger or a woman, such communication would be inappropriate.

• I dream of Taiwan, and forget about all the cases. Get lost in the ocean in the Maldives.
• How am I doing, you ask? I will tell you that everything is fine! I live like in a fairy tale, gentlemen! That's good, that's great!
• A handful of ashes remained in the soul and the flesh was worn to the ground. But my spiritual affairs are excellent!

If the interlocutor is in a hurry and is preoccupied with something, funny rhymes or cool phrases will be of no interest to him. You should not answer a person with a joke if the interlocutor asks about some specific cases.

How to answer the question "how do you feel" in an original and funny way?

What can you say to a stranger

Sometimes SMS or messages in instant messengers come from strangers and unfamiliar people with hackneyed words: "Hi, how are you?" But it is not always desirable to answer such questions. Ignoring them is a sign of bad taste, so it’s right to stop communicating with a phrase that will make it clear that the dialogue is over:

• I don't have any business.
• Why do you need it?
• Sorry I'm busy). I can't continue the conversation with you.
• You won't be interested.
• I am married (married).

In dealing with strangers, the main thing is not to be rude and not to offend. Even if the interlocutor is very unpleasant, it is necessary to observe a sense of tact.

How to reply to someone you like

Usually guys ask such questions in order to interest a girl and get to know her.

This article will focus on witty and universal ways answer the banal question "how are you?" IN modern world Communication is natural, no one can do without it. Every day, the phrases “hello, how are you ...”, “hello, how are you ...” fly into us and often confuse us.

To avoid standard, boring and primitive answers like "everything is fine", check out the top of the most unexpected and original phrases. To compile this list, many sources were analyzed, everyone will find something useful for themselves and will use it for their own pleasure.

Original answers

To remain silent in response to a common question is indecent; to mumble “will go” is impolite; to start long discussions means to pass for a bore. It will be neutral and detached to say “thank you, everything is fine”, “thank you, everything is fine”. You don't always want to tell how things really are.

This is where something original, monosyllabic, funny, rhymed or in the form of prose, sometimes sharp, discourages the desire to ask further:

• excellent, do not wait;
• as they say in Odessa - I don’t want to upset, but everything is fine;
• I will answer: everything, as usual, I live like in a fairy tale, gentlemen, sometimes it’s good, sometimes everything is fine - such are my affairs;
• why ask - we live in the same country;
• like a nine on the freeway;
• as in the morning after New Year's Eve;
• warm, light and flies do not bite;
• stunning;
• flies would definitely appreciate;
• like fishing - it bites, but a trifle;
• things are going great, but no one knows where;
• everything in chocolate is sticky and brown;
• in order, however, in random;
• like raw salt - I don’t get enough sleep;
• like dill - all in a bunch;
• not very good, but also on "x";
• like a kolobok - the same on the left and on the right;
• hard life without valerian.

We answer with humor

Everyone happens Bad mood or troubles happen, but you should not pour negativity on someone who simply showed courtesy and politeness. Bring positivity into your life with brilliant sparkling phrases. Any circumstances can be presented in such a way that it will become easier for yourself. Here are 20 short, concise, and witty answers to keep in mind:

• herosho (horovo);
• as in an airplane - sick, but you have to fly (one taxis, but everyone is sick);
• as in the sea - stormy and sick;
• like a failed millionaire - the desire to “be” is still there, but there is no money;
• like a native - I go naked, eat a fig and have a leader;
• like an acorn - you don’t know what wind will blow it away, and what pig will eat it;
• and what can be the case with such cases;
• like an elephant - again with the ears on the cheeks;
• who knows - does not ask, who asks - does not know;
• like potatoes - if they don’t eat it in a year, they will plant it in the spring;
• everything is like in a pharmacy - expensive, but necessary;
• like a ball - they inflated, they also kick;
• like on the Internet - click, like and go to bed;
• things in chocolate - I get dirty, but I melt;
• like in a taxi - the longer you go, the more you pay;
• there are many things to do, if you want, I will share;
• like in a Turkish harem - you understand that they will fuck, but you have no idea when;
• a pile of ashes remains in the soul, and the flesh is worn to the ground, but my deplorable deeds are magnificent;
• take your time?
• bad, as usual, but it's great because the main thing in life is stability.

Non-standard answers for men and girls

Neither a girl nor a man should be like an interlocutor with his banal, annoying question-greeting. You should not go over to rudeness, especially if you plan to continue your acquaintance. After all, if a guy or a girl asks, then most likely they are really interested in your affairs and expect a sincere continuation of the conversation.

• like a watermelon - the belly grows, and the tail dries out;
• as in Antalya - yesterday there was Olga, today there are two Natalias;
• I teach the cat to speak so that he answers such questions for me;
• confirm that you are not a robot, enter the captcha in the message field;
• I was going to become a lark, and now I'm a sleepy angry owl;
• So much has not been done, and so much remains to be done.

Continue familiarity with nice girl it is possible like this:

• I plan to enslave the world;
• one of these days I will surrender;
• it would be better if you were with me (for the internet).

As for the girls, they are lovers of all kinds of emoticons, and they actively use them in in social networks and various messengers. Communication in reality can be continued or completed with the following remarks:

• many of yours were killed;
• everything is fine - it blooms even on waterless and stony soil;
• gave not to the one / but to the one I gave / to whom I wanted, I gave;
• like a convertible - she herself is gorgeous, but there is no roof;
• they say that everything is done through the bed - here I am lying, covered myself with a blanket, waiting for the borscht to cook and the floors to be washed;
• grow, bloom and smell;
• not yet lost weight for a relationship with you;
• in conversations on such topics is not strong;
• like at a buffet table - I don’t take what they offer, but I’m embarrassed to ask for what I want. You have to pretend not to be hungry.

Answers in English

Nowadays, it is especially often necessary to travel, communicate with foreigners on the Internet. Knowledge of several standard phrases at the international English language. Witty answers to foreign “how are you/how are things (with you)/what’s up/how is the world using you/how goes it/how ya doin’” (how are you) will come with time and experience.

Americans must have known for a long time that a dangerous person- this is the one who begins to answer the question of how things are, therefore “how are you?” Has turned into a formal greeting that is said by cashiers, colleagues, acquaintances and just people passing by. You can not answer their question, just smile, or limit yourself to short, meaningless phrases. In other situations, we write or say this:

Ranges from just "good" to "excellent":

• fine (wonderful);
• great (great);
• never better (better nowhere);
• lively (perky);
• splendid (brilliant);
• very well, indeed (really good);
• I'm well (okay);
• all the better for seeing you (better when I see you).

We complete the phrase with gratitude for the interest shown “thank you / fhank’s / thank u” (thank you) and ask in response “and you / how are you?”;

Mediocre, mediocre

• not too (so) good (neither shaky nor roll);
• middling (medium);
• so-so (so-so);
• nothing to write home about (nothing to please);
• could be better (could be better);
• pretty bad (lousy);
• there's nothing to boast about (there is nothing to brag about);
• I'm not Ok (whatever).

Answers with a share of suspicion, harmfulness:

• why (and what);
• how should I be (and how should);
• Is there a particular reason you ask (why are you asking).

Practice originality and wit to your health, but only with people you know well, otherwise you risk getting into an unenviable position. Use the power of the word in the way that the situation and the situation dictate: to cheer up both yourself and the other; begin interesting conversation or interrupt it; scare off the interlocutor or interest.

It is important that most of the answers listed above are unlikely to be appreciated by superiors or parents, husbands, wives. In the first case, it is worth briefly and impersonally answering: “thank you, everything is fine.” And your relatives are really interested in you, it is worth telling what is happening in life, what excites or worries. And let everything in life be really excellent, excellent, it doesn’t get better!

Every day we hear “How are you?”, “How are you?” and “What are you doing?” several times. These questions are most often asked out of politeness or to keep the conversation going.

We say something in response, not thinking about the meaning of what was said. In fact, there is a really correct answer to all these questions, which depends on the real situation and on the interlocutor. Consider the most variety of options how to answer the question "How are you?"

Standard responses

When all is well

• "I'm fine, and you?". By doing this, you give the opportunity to the interlocutor to tell about yourself.
• "Great!". Charge the interlocutor good mood, tactfully making it clear that they do not intend to listen to the negative.
• "Normal" A neutral, non-committal response.

When everything is bad

Here the answer depends on how ready you are to share information about your personal (work) affairs with the interlocutor, and whether he will be interested in listening to your spiritual outpourings.

• "Not really" Hints at the next question - "What's wrong?"
• "Doesn't matter…." Further details follow.
• "Bad, but I don't want to talk about it." Next, the interlocutor is waiting for you to ask, “What news do you have?”.

Subtleties of etiquette

It is not customary to give answers that may be misunderstood or poorly interpreted by the rules of etiquette. A person asks this question out of politeness, and does not expect a long story about your problems at all.

If guided by etiquette, the most optimal answer would be “Wonderful” or “Normal”.

You can only practice wit when communicating with people you know well: otherwise, your sense of humor may be misinterpreted.

The answer to the most popular question is dictated primarily by those who ask it. Permissible when communicating with peers, caustic, sometimes vulgar phrases such as “have not yet given birth”, “the case with the prosecutor”, will be unacceptable to the older generation, bosses, parents. In these cases, the answer should be short and concise.

Parents- a separate issue. These are the only people who are genuinely interested in what you do. Therefore, the answer must be specific and exhaustive before minute details. Do not forget to ask about the health of mom or dad in response.

Boss. Your personal affairs are of absolutely no interest to him. By asking the question "How are you?" he means work. Therefore, as a response, he expects a detailed report on recent achievements. In exceptional cases (for example, corporate event) you can limit yourself to the banal “Good”, be sure to add “Thank you”. It's enough.

How to answer the question "How are you?"

witty

Joking and funny answers are most appropriate on the Internet (SMS) - correspondence and when communicating with young people. Friends will always find something to talk about, so here you can give yourself free rein.

• While alive and rejoice therefore.
• Now I'll tell you, you'll start to envy, I'd better keep silent.
• Like in a horror movie - the farther, the more breathtaking.
• On the letter X (do not think it's good).
• Get crazy.

At work

The main thing here is subordination and corporate ethics. The answer should be short, without irony and sarcasm.

• Fine, but how are you (what news).
• Everything is old.
• OK, thank you.

On the personal front

Not everyone is interested in knowing all the details personal life interlocutor. And if you are not going to dedicate someone to all the details, then such options are suitable here.

• Thanks, nothing new.
• Everything is fine.
• How about you (you)?
• Not complaining.

Rough

Rude statements are used in those cases when the very question “how are you” comes from the mouth of a person unpleasant to you. It's kind of defensive reflex, which works in those moments when you want to protect yourself from annoying communication.

• Back off
• Go to hell
• None of your business

To a stranger

This question is the most popular for the first acquaintance - in correspondence or chance meeting. The answer should make it clear to the stranger whether you intend to continue the conversation or not.

To continue dating, you can answer something like this:

• Everything is great, as usual.
• Thanks, great.
• Just like others.

To shine with wit in this case is inappropriate. Answers like “Like on Mars - there is no life”, “Things are going, but past”, “It could be worse” should be saved for a more suitable occasion.

If it is not your intention to continue communication, then it is better to immediately, in a polite way, make it clear.

The best answers in this situation would be:

• I am married (boyfriend).
• I am married (to a girl).
• None of your business (rude, but it works).
• You won't be interested.
• You recognized.

How to respond nicely to a question

"What's up?"

• Life is like a striped zebra.
• Today is better than yesterday.
• Great, and I wish you the same.
• Best of all, but no one is jealous.
• You're doing great, looking forward to the next question.
• As you asked, it got better (a bit rough).
• It depends on what you compare it to.
• It hits with a fountain, but everything is on the head.

"What are you doing?"

• Improving (or degrading), come on together.
• I surf the Internet and chat.
• I like to listen to others.
• Guess! You have the opportunity to ask leading questions.
• I ignore.
• I'm trying to cross you off my contact list.
• Meditate (live, breathe, etc.)
• I fly on a hang glider (parachute, airship).
• I read the report (pass the exam, test).
• Sorry, I'm underwater, I can't speak.

In correspondence, after the question “How are you?” most often follows the no less banal “What are you doing?” Here you can finally show your imagination. The person who asked this question usually waits for the answer “I work”, to which he will ask the counter question “Where and by whom?”.

You can turn the conversation in a different direction with a cool and extraordinary answer, depending on whether you want to “send” the interlocutor in an original way, or are set up for a friendly conversation in a positive way.

Video: What to say in response