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How to forget an unpleasant situation. How to forget a loved one? Psychologist's advice

Sometimes we experience events or situations that we later want to forget or at least not remember. Erase painful, unpleasant and unwanted memories is not so difficult if you fill your life with new emotions and learn to suppress memories from the past. Following Instructions help you start living full life liberated from the heavy burden of memories.

Steps

Repression of memories

  1. Choose the memory you want to forget. Before you suppress a memory, you need to determine which memory is causing you discomfort. Perhaps this memory hurts you emotionally, for example, if it is related to the death of a loved one or a particular moment of separation from a partner, which makes you sad. Remember the following details of the memory:

    • The people who were present
    • Furnishings of remembrance
    • Feelings you are experiencing at that moment
    • Emotional feelings associated with the memory

  2. Determine what is the memory that has had such an impact on you. Remember specific details that you would like to forget.

    • May you not be able to forget about the existence of your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend, but you may forget specific dates, events, and sensory memories. Smelling a particular perfume, mentioning a place or a TV show that your partner liked can all provoke unpleasant associations. Write down specific details on a piece of paper.
    • If in high school you have experienced certain traumatic events, make a list of people who made fun of your name, for example, specific places that make you sad, or other sensual details, such as the smell of a dining room, locker room, or gym

  3. Think about these specific details while doing something enjoyable. You can take classic steps to improve your own physical condition and start associating bad memories with good ones. Create a pleasure stimulus by thinking about how you were made fun of in school days, or about the emotional discomfort you felt when you broke up with your loved one, listening to soothing music, taking a bath with scented candles or sipping champagne and orange juice on your doorstep in the summer.

    • Your task is to make painful memories less bitter. For example, you may refuse to eat pumpkin pie because your parents separated on Thanksgiving, but you can't deal with painful memories unless you learn to associate them with something relaxing, enjoyable, and rewarding.
    • In addition, some experts recommend listening to white noise at high volumes to drown out memories instead of associating them with something pleasant. Turn on a jammed blank radio or other white noise generators and mentally immerse yourself in painful memories.

  4. Erase the memory. Special rituals also help deal with memories. Rituals help change our understanding of things and cope with experiences. Mentally imagine a memorable action that "destroys" the memory. You can think of a particular memory as a snapshot that you set on fire. Imagine this picture in full detail: the edges of the picture curl from the fire and turn black, after which they crumble, and the flame moves towards the middle of the picture until it is all reduced to ashes.

    • This sounds like a cheap trick, but it is actually a symbolic action that will help you mentally get rid of the memory if you begin to treat it as something that was, but passed away, burned down.
    • Try to present everything in a different way. Imagine a bully making fun of you in the form of a car sinking in a pond, or a freight train falling into a narrow deep gorge.

  5. Go to hypnosis. If you are easily hypnotized, then this tool will help you in the fight against unwanted memories. Hypnosis induces a very relaxed state in which people are more receptive to suggestion. Unfortunately, not everyone can be hypnotized, and even people who are susceptible to hypnosis have only a short-term effect. If you would like to try this remedy, find a professional hypnotist in your area. But be prepared for the fact that this is far from fast decision problems, and you will not be able to permanently erase unpleasant memories from your memory.

    Replacement of memories

    1. Find a fun activity. The simplest and wisest way to get rid of past memories involves experiencing new emotions. Even if you don't do things that are directly related to bad memories, forming new memories will help you put the past out of your mind.

      • Start a new hobby
      • Read a lot of new books and watch a lot of new movies
      • Look for a new job
      • Consider moving to new apartment or in new house

    2. Get rid of "annoying factors". Studies have shown that certain objects or photographs have a stimulating effect on memory. Therefore, it is in your best interest to keep such objects and photographs away, which will help you in the fight against unpleasant memories. To remove objects from view, you need to completely transform your home or even move to another city and start new life.

      • Throw away your ex-boyfriend's belongings, including photos, clothes, and even furniture. Get rid of the gifts he gave you. Even if you have positive feelings about an object or photo, in your mind they are intertwined with memories that you are trying to forget.

    3. Fill your mind with memories that have a similar effect on you. Research has shown that it is possible to remove memories from memory by replacing them with new ones. Use the opportunity to experience new feelings that are similar to those that you experienced before, but want to forget. Your mind will begin to weave and associate these memories, and you will not be able to accurately recall the past, because you will replace the memories of the past with completely new, albeit similar experiences. For example:

      • If you want to forget that bad trip to San Francisco, try a similar trip. Visit San Jose, Oakland, Palo Alto, Los Angeles or Santa Cruz. Buy new T-shirts, take photos on the beach, and visit new restaurants in these cities to get rid of the memories of San Francisco.
      • If you can't forget your ex-boyfriend's cologne, head to the perfume shop. Smell everything men's colognes filling the mind with new sensations and smells.
      • Go on dates. Connecting with new people will help create new memories and forget the past.
    • To get rid of intrusive thoughts, you need to replace them with other thoughts and start thinking about something else that will help you feel better.
    • Try to close your eyes and start meditating, imagining everything that happened to you from a different angle. For example, if you want to forget a memory in which you felt shame, during meditation you need to imagine that you are in your memory, but behave differently, as you should have behaved at that moment.
    • Meditate while listening to soothing music. Just focus on the memory. It will most likely be difficult for you to remain calm if the memory hurts you, but the most important thing here is to calm down and not get angry. After half an hour or so, you will feel that this memory no longer disturbs you. It doesn't mean anything to you anymore.
    • Listening to audiobooks and actively concentrating on the events described helps in the fight against memories. Choose something unobtrusive, but interesting and able to distract you. This method is simple but very effective.
    • Be patient. Each method will take certain time and will require iteration of the process to be successful. Don't get discouraged if you don't succeed the first time, keep trying. If necessary, seek help from a specialist.

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In this article I will talk about the psychotechnics of smooth eye movements (PDG). After applying this simple technique, any unpleasant situation turns into a normal one in just a few minutes. What is important - all your experience remains with you, you just erase heartache from this traumatic situation.

What is the point? Scientists conducted a study of sleep and came to the conclusion that during the phase REM sleep the pupils of the eyes move left and right for a reason. This organism helps our psyche to process all the events of the past day and heal all unpleasant situations. That is, this mechanism is inherent in us by nature itself! And everything that is natural is simple and effective.

So you have stressful situation that you periodically think about and want to forget about. What to do?

PDG technique to forget an awkward situation

  • Sit or lie down comfortably.
  • Be sure to write down the situation that you will be working on and the level of its intensity on a 10-point scale (0 - minimum, 10 - maximum). So you can track the real effectiveness of this and any other psychotechnics.
  • Close your eyes and start to remember unpleasant situation, but not just remember and drive in your head, as you usually do. And at the same time, you begin to move the pupils of the eyes left and right.
  • Slowly one way, then the other. Absolutely not straining your eyes, not trying to start pupils as far as possible to the left or to the right.
  • The main performance criterion is absolutely smooth eye movements without tension. And no violence. If you are tired, take a break for a couple of minutes or continue the next time you have time.
  • Try not to hold your breath while doing the technique. Of course, everything will not work out right away - and remember the situation, and move the pupils, and track the breath. But over time, you will succeed, the main thing is to gain at least minimal experience.
  • You will be surprised, literally after 3-5 minutes of practice the situation loses its intensity and its importance disappears. If you give a little more time, then the painful situation simply ceases to be remembered.
  • Start with the most charged situations in your life that you remember most often. And work on them first. Then work through all the situations, down to the most insignificant. This way you can heal your entire past pretty quickly!

In the PDG technique, there is no such thing that you need to do at least so many repetitions in 1 session, otherwise the result will not be fixed or there will be a rollback. The technique is recoilless, you can always continue from the “place” where you finished last time. There is no minimum or maximum number of eye movement cycles.

An entire area of ​​psychotherapy is even built on this mechanism of eye movement - EMDH therapy or desensitization of experiences with eye movements. Therapy is recommended by WHO to deal with the consequences of traumatic events. Its whole point is that if you come to an EMDR therapist, he will ask you to watch his fingers and will move them left and right throughout the session, keeping your attention on a negative situation. That's all.

I told you a modification of this technique, which you can use on your own with no less efficiency. The technique is really very effective. And, most importantly, very simple. Even a child can master it. The good news is that you can do it anywhere. On the way to work, at night before bed, in traffic, anywhere you can close your eyes!

How to forget bad memories - video

For those who do not understand - below I posted short video demonstration of this technique.

By the way, those who are familiar with the technique of recapitulation by Carlos Castaneda will be interested to know that the basis of his recapitulation is precisely the PDG technique. Because when you close your eyes and move your head left and right, the pupils of your eyes also move left and right. It's just that Castaneda added to the PDG technique a mystical legend that with each inhalation and exhalation, one can regain energy from the past. In fact, the effectiveness of Kastanedov's recapitulation is based solely on the PDG mechanism :-).

But there are some memories that you can’t forget yourself, no matter how hard you push.

Just as a tree needs the help of a gardener when it begins to wither, so a person needs help from outside to get out of the labyrinth of his past. Albert Einstein came up with this formula over 100 years ago:

It is impossible to solve the problem at the same level at which it arose. You need to rise above this problem by rising to the next level.

I help solve such problems successfully.

Sincerely, Alexander Yakovlev

There are enough problems and difficulties in life that we have to face.
decide every day, and there is not always time for joy and
strength. But at the same time, each of us has our own past unsuccessful
or even violent situations that can poison you for years
life.

If it happened in the past divorce He will definitely play his part.
V new love. If you ever Got fired, you still long
You will be nervous at every complaint from your superiors. If
had to work hard to earn a living and didn't have enough money, You
not soon decide on an expensive purchase.

The most difficult situations are loss of loved ones, accidents and disasters, serious illnesses and addictions, including loved ones. Here you can not do without the help of a specialist, but many bad memories can be erased from memory and on their own.

Method 1. Memory diary

Like it or not, but there are stories that will not be forgotten at all. Due to the fact that a lot of time was spent on them, people dear to us participated in them, and indeed - it was in our life, and she was alone. But you can separate all this from the present and return, as if you were watching a movie, where the hero is similar to you, but a different person.

Set aside a separate time for suffering about the past. You can describe your feelings in a special file or blog and allow yourself any anger, bitterness, tears and sadness. Experiencing this from the heart, you will soon lose interest in old stories, because it's impossible to watch the same movie every day and not get bored.

Method 2. Farewell ritual

On the Maslenitsa holiday, we see off the cold and long winter to meet the joy and freshness of spring. In life, the same cold and inhospitable periods happen, and you can and should say goodbye to them for the sake of the beautiful in the future.

To say goodbye to the bad forever, you need to collect everything that you are terribly tired of- you can do it symbolically by putting photos of your ex-husband in a box, cheap things that you had to wear because of lack of money (even if you are still afraid to buy something decent), employment contracts co old work and other reminders. Leave it all in a conspicuous place and visit your old life with the understanding that this is in the past.

Method 3. Event substitution

No, this does not mean that you should deceive yourself and convince yourself that nothing bad happened. But it happens that we remember hard story only because she is the most vivid memory. This is really the property of memory. However, only this eerie picture remained of her in reality.

You need another story, just as bright, but positive. To do this, you will have to try, to achieve a difficult goal with a bright result (buy a car, sit down on the twine, make crazy repairs), in general, do something extraordinary for yourself. Does such a person want to remember some old failures there - he already has something to be proud of and something to rejoice in a new life.

Method 4. Stoplights

We return to the old, because we want to replay it again - not to make mistakes, to agree that we did not say, to correct something - in a word, to live the same story again. However, the very attempt to re-enter difficult situation already seems strange.

The problem is that we consider ourselves guilty of those terrible events and cannot realize that and with good people bad things happen. Is it worth going back to them? What is lived is lived, and we behaved as we could at that time. Sometimes it’s enough just to stop yourself in the place where you wanted to suffer the past. Come up with conditional signals for yourself - pinch, spit over your shoulder, say something out loud.

Method 5. Real return

Closing the page and ending the story sometimes helps if allow yourself to go back to where you can't go back. The forbidden fruit is sweet and we are drawn to the bad past, because it is so sad to think that time cannot be reversed.

Make sure the sadness isn't worth it. call ex-husband and understand that he is the person you divorced, not the person you fell in love with. Interrogate former colleagues, and they will tell you right there that since you were fired, things have only gotten worse. It's good that all this is already in your past.

Method 6. Final Analysis

To this method, one must already be morally ready man Or use it in combination with something else. Parting with the past essentially happens at the moment when you calmly accept everything that happened to you not as a horror and a nightmare, and even more so not as a cross that you have to bear, but as an event that has explanations and that gave you experience.

Everyone has their own bumps, but in other words, without our past, we wouldn't be who we are, and a bad past doesn't make you worse, but it certainly is. can do better - smarter, more experienced, stronger, kinder and softer, Or, conversely, more stable to protect yourself. Accept and love yourself again- this means living in the present moment and enjoying it without looking back at the bad past.

Well, that's all - the relationship has come to an end, there is no more love, or maybe there wasn’t ... Parting rarely goes without consequences for the emotional and psychological health of a man and a woman. Someone stays in bad mood while others become enraged or hysterical. There are frequent cases of immersion in depression: you don’t want to see other people, communicate with anyone. It is not surprising that many people are interested in the question of how to forget the person you love. Of course, there is no universal answer, but psychologists offer several effective methodologies that can help a suffering person forget about painful experiences and prepare Blank sheet. For what? To start a new life. This article describes three simple steps.

A deadlocked relationship or breakup with dear person is a very common situation. Much easier if it happened mutual agreement, but what to do if the separation occurred at the initiative of one of the partners - it doesn’t matter, men or women.

The unfortunate lover is still attached to the object of sighing, experiences tender feelings, but bad taste betrayal. Suffering, tears, depression lead to the inability to work or study normally, take care of yourself, and in general, a painful breakup is fraught with suicidal thoughts.

Of course, there are other situations - for example, a woman falls in love with a man who completely ignores her or makes it clear that a romantic interest is undesirable or impossible. And it seems that one cannot talk about reciprocity, and the situation does not seem so hopeless, but it is still difficult for a girl to build a new relationship and there is no strength to move on.

How to forget the person you love?

The question of how to forget a loved one worries many men and women. Unfortunately, most often this problem cannot be dealt with very quickly, and not everyone manages to get memories and pleasant thoughts about a former lover out of their heads at all. We know it sounds trite, but… time heals. If you satiate your days highlights and rush into the pursuit of new happiness, the trouble will not seem so convex.

Is it possible to find pleasant moments in a breakup? It turns out yes. Probably, parting is, albeit painful, but still a test for a person that should be passed with dignity. What if this is just a test on the way to a new happiness? Therefore, you can’t bury yourself in advance, because somewhere nearby your fate is wandering.

The period of failures will pass, and very soon you will start a new life, and old memories, if they visit you, are less and less until, at one fine moment, they are replaced by more pleasant experiences. We will definitely tell you more about specific methods that help to quickly forget a former loved one.

Scientists have found out - in order to acquire the actual true love and find happiness, a man and a woman will fall in love with 7 partners. Of course, in such situations it is impossible to do without separations and partings.

Ways to help you forget your loved one

In such an unpleasant and difficult period, psychologists recommend following three simple and effective steps on how to forget a loved one. They look like a certain sequence:

  • let go;
  • change;
  • try to fall in love again.

Many will say that all this looks simple and beautiful in theory, but in practice to achieve quick results impossible. It’s hard to disagree with this, but you need to work with your own unpleasant experiences, why not start with just such steps.

Method number 1. Let go

First of all, accept the breakup situation. What does this mean? Think about everything that happened, try to reproduce every minute of the unpleasant moment of separation and, finally, recognize the fait accompli. You can (and, in some cases, even need to) cry and scream.

The specific steps are as follows:


Method #2. Change

The second advice is to change your present and future for the better and change yourself. For example, you can let go of past memories by applying tricks such as:


Method #3: Getting into a New Relationship

The last step, the implementation of which will allow you not to think about the former chosen one, is a new love. A former heart friend does not feel for you tender feelings? It's time to connect your future with another person, someone who will treat you with due respect and attention.

You should not protect yourself from the people around you, friends and narrow your social circle. Probably, it is they who will introduce you to a new object for love, or you will find among your acquaintances that person who can save you from painful memories.

We cannot predict what the future holds for us. But problems in the present, caused by a painful collision with reality, can knock the ground out from under the feet of any person. Emotions are raging, which is fraught with rash acts. Psychologists categorically do not recommend:

  • console yourself with hopes that the beloved will realize everything, understand his mistakes and return;
  • sort things out with the departed person, look for a meeting with him;
  • become a "spy", by various tricks finding out the details of his new life;
  • regularly scroll in memory all the bad deeds, nasty things that he did to you;
  • intrigue, trying to quarrel former lover with a new passion;
  • cry over your hard fate, pitying yourself;
  • change partners, rushing into the cycle of new love adventures;
  • seek support in smoking, alcoholic beverages and drugs.

Reflecting on the question of how easier and faster to forget a loved one, you should find out the opinions of experts. Psychologists are sure that it is much easier for optimists to start a new relationship. This type of people is sure that the breakup of a relationship is a great opportunity to change yourself and start over.

If you still haven’t decided how easier it is to forget your loved one and desired person, try using one universal method - try to love yourself, increase your own self-esteem. In this case, you will understand that you deserve more and better. And this best is waiting for you in the future very soon, because life is so multifaceted and unpredictable!

Hello, I'm Nadezhda Plotnikova. Having successfully studied at SUSU as a special psychologist, she devoted several years to working with children with developmental problems and advising parents on raising children. I apply the experience gained, among other things, in the creation of psychological articles. Of course, by no means do I pretend to be the ultimate truth, but I hope that my articles will help dear readers deal with any difficulties.

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120 comments on the article " How to forget a loved one? Psychologist's advice»

    The main thing here is to understand and accept that you broke up, and then go through it. Find something different, distract yourself and start a new relationship.

  • All this is bullshit. If there was love, it can no longer be killed. Or maybe it wasn't love. You can be distracted, but not forgotten. It is like a virus that has settled inside and, under favorable conditions, will come out. Both at 50 and at 70. We must take it for granted and try to be distracted. Or try to return if there was reciprocity. Even after many years. It is human nature to make mistakes and change opinions. Years change the outlook on life. You can still fix something. Live not according to someone else's rules and the opinion of society. Live according to your heart. And then you won't regret anything.

    • Yes, if there is love for a person, then you can’t get it anywhere. And don't forget her. I will say more - I can’t even get distracted. And the most amazing thing is that the soul and heart do not let go of this love. Of course, we are all different and everyone is different. Therefore, I will say that time does not heal exactly. If you manage to cope with your love one on one, then everything will be fine.

      • This love is destruction. Especially if a person betrayed you a bunch of times and you forgive him and forgive him. It is difficult to move into a new relationship due to the fact that love still sits in your soul. From my own experience, I now understand that such relationships are often destroyed. You can go to another city, but you can't run away from yourself.

        Very hard. During the day, nothing else - work distracts. And at night it’s simply unbearable, how painful it is, words can’t convey ... I didn’t think that after 40 you could fall in love like that.

        • Yes, as I understand you.
          I have the exact same thing. Moreover, I am married, and this is just a man with whom I cannot be together ...

          Yes... the same. They invented love.