Deciding to divorce your husband, or how to understand that the relationship does not continue - the advice of a psychologist. If there is a child in the family. Moral pressure, despotism

A family is a great work of two people, their desire to be close, to please each other. But in any relationship, crises happen. Some have learned to experience them, while others disperse without finding a compromise. More often men leave, while women doubt for a long time and do not know how to decide on a divorce from their husband. But sometimes it's the only way.

To get started, decide

Quarrels and misunderstandings always happen between people who spend most of their lives together. They have to share life, money and living quarters. Against the backdrop of accumulated problems, feelings are drowned out, vanity absorbs passion.

In the next moment of crisis you think there is no future. In the heat of the moment, we begin to do stupid things and say nasty things.

But, when arrogance subsides and devastation sets in after another quarrel, it is important to sit down and think, decide what is really happening. Perhaps it was just accumulated fatigue that spoke today. Or is it really all over and the person next to you causes only irritation?

The bottom line is that the decision to divorce should not be taken at once (of course, if this is not a situation out of the ordinary). Take your time, think, it's a serious matter. Imagine yourself without this person. Can you do without it?

How to decide on a divorce?

The most difficult thing is to put the spouse before the fact. This is especially difficult to do if he does not guess. When you constantly quarrel and have already stopped sleeping in the same bed - it's easier, but when you understand that this will come as a surprise - it's hard.

From excruciating remorse, aggression begins to manifest itself, you swear more strongly with him, but he does not guess everything. That's why don't pull, don't go in circles:

Select right time and place;
Without further ado, communicate the decision and explain the reasons;
And let me know in practice that everything is serious. If possible, move out to another living space, if it is not there, go to another room until you solve housing problems.

Main - don't be rude, don't be rude even when he is in shock and tries to provoke you. Instead, show respect.

Often in such cases, people close up, do not want to communicate anymore under any pretext. If so - accept, he will survive, get sick, maybe then he will be able to see you. This is the usual self-defense, a person is trying to get rid of the source of pain. Give him that opportunity.

How to decide on a divorce from an alcoholic husband?

It seems that in this situation everything is clear - run without looking back. After all, this is not life, but torment. But often women endure to the last and are afraid. Then it is better to turn to a psychologist, he will sort out life priorities on the shelves, help get rid of a sense of responsibility to this person.

Think about how much time you spend fighting a disease for which a person does not want to be treated. You could manage these years differently.

And how much money is spent on alcohol. Money that he most likely does not earn. Wouldn't it be better for you to spend them on education, improving living conditions.

Look around you, how much you lose by living with an alcoholic. And you get nothing from life except tears and problems. Only your will power can solve them. The main thing is to understand that he chooses this way. You need to move on and live better.

If there is a child in the family

Of course, it is much more difficult to disperse when there is a baby. Without children - they fled, divided property and forgot. And so it is necessary to inform him and this is a shock, he does not even suspect that this is possible.

But on the other hand, if the father does not pay attention to the child while spending time with other women or friends. He does not work and does not support his family, and scandals constantly flare up at home - it is better to disperse. After all, the baby looks at you, takes an example, especially if it is a boy. He will take as a model the behavior of the pope.

Don't be afraid to shock him, talk to your child. What age he would not be, have an adult conversation. Do not deceive, do not get out, and most importantly - do not insult your father, he must respect him now. And when he grows up he decides how to perceive what happened.

It happens that the reason for the divorce was not the father, he was caring, fulfilled his duties. It is your fault that the family breaks up, perhaps another man has appeared, or you simply no longer love your spouse. In this case, calmly explain to the baby and do not pull, otherwise the fear and irritation that torment you will provoke causeless scandals and abuse.

Despite the fact that you are the initiator, you are no less worried. To everything else, there is also a feeling of guilt: “ I couldn't, I couldn't cope, I destroyed my family!". In such cases, psychologists advise to act as follows if a divorce is necessary:

Throw away the emotional component and live now with a cold calculation. be guided common sense use the situation as rationally as possible;
In order not to be forgotten, make a list of your spouse's shortcomings. Read it periodically, especially during emotional exacerbations. It will cool the mind;
Write down the reasons - why you are doing it, what you want to achieve. And at the end, in large print, indicate the result you want to achieve;
Borrow free time to the maximum;
Avoid meetings, do not follow him on social networks.

By following these elementary rules you will be able to cope with what is happening more easily. But remember that every situation is different, do not use these tips as a template.

How do you decide to divorce your wife?

Sometimes a man realizes that he does not feel affection for his wife, and the family weighs on him. Or the wife is seen in infidelity - he will begin to think about divorce. Of course, you need to decide on it, because doubts constantly creep into your head.

To take this serious step and not regret it:

Analyze the situation carefully;
Think about it, maybe you are tired and need to unwind;
If everything is serious and there is no hope for salvation - leave;
But do not run away secretly, tell your wife about your intentions;
If you have children, you risk losing them. This is usually a strong deterrent. But, for the sake of them, it is not worth keeping a family in which there is no longer respect and understanding. you can stay good father So;
Try to leave your spouse as soon as possible.

The main thing is not to humiliate and do not be humiliated, do not be rude. On the contrary, try to be a knight until the last moment.

So, we discussed in this article how to decide on a divorce from your husband. We tried to consider the issue from all sides. It became clear that it was necessary to act decisively, but depending on the situation. Main - keep your composure and keep respect no matter what happens. This is what you need first.

In this video, psychologist Natalya Tolstaya will tell you in what situation it is worth demanding a divorce from her husband, what happens after him with his family:

Divorce from a husband for most women is an extremely painful situation. Many women are so afraid of this step that they cannot decide on a divorce, even when life in marriage becomes unbearable. Why are women so afraid of such changes in life?

Because as a result of a divorce:

The upbringing of children falls entirely on the mother. Many women do not want to subsequently feel guilty before their children, so they endure to the last, if only the children had a father.
Relatives and friends can condemn a woman who decided to divorce her husband, or even completely stop communicating with her, taking the side of her husband. But not every woman has the courage to resist the attacks and condemnation of loved ones.
A woman does not dare to take such a step, as it may be difficult for her to do without the financial support of her husband. Especially if before the divorce she was on his full support.
The loneliness that follows as a result of a break with a spouse causes severe psychological discomfort in women. In addition, it is unpleasant to move from the category " married woman» to the « » category.

Yes, divorcing a husband is not easy ... For this, you really need good reason. Unfortunately, in some cases, the implementation of such a serious task is the only way for a woman to maintain her physical and psychological health.

Reasonable Reasons for Divorce

Husband's alcohol or drug addiction A man who is addicted to alcohol or drugs gradually becomes an asocial personality and cannot fully fulfill his family functions. A woman who has an alcoholic or drug addict husband should think about what it is like for her children to see their dad in such a state every day! Physical abuse by husband rather a woman, who is beaten by her husband, decide to part with him and submit an appropriate application - the better both for herself and for her children! No, and there can be no good reason why a woman should endure beatings from her husband. Moral terror on the part of the husband Some husbands never beat their wives, but constantly treat them morally: insult, humiliate, ignore. Such an attitude of a husband gradually undermines the psychological health of a woman - her self-esteem drops, neuroses and others may develop. psychosomatic diseases. In addition, children who constantly see how their father humiliates their mother may have big problems with building your own personal relationships.

Constant betrayals husband It's no secret that most husbands cheat on their wives at least once in their lives, and that women, in order to save the family, turn a blind eye to this and. But if the husband cheats openly and at the same time sexually ignores own wife It's hard to pretend like everything is fine! And is it necessary to endure such a thing? Husband's unwillingness to provide for the family Almost every man can be in the ranks of the unemployed, and this should be treated with understanding. But if a man who has a family categorically refuses to go to work, and at the same time considers it normal to live on his wife’s money, then a woman should think: is it worth limiting herself and her children to the most necessary and enduring financial difficulties in order to maintain a fully functional man.

What should a woman do if she intends to break the marriage bond?

Undoubtedly, deciding to divorce a husband is difficult, even if there are many reasons for this. Therefore, before making such a responsible decision, a woman should:

Answer to yourself: does she have good enough reasons for a divorce. If it’s all about petty grievances or to another man, it’s better not to rush into a divorce, so as not to regret it later. But if a woman sees that her life together with her husband has long turned into a nightmare, then it is probably better to leave...
Visit a family psychologist. An experienced and highly qualified family psychologist can help a woman either make the final decision to divorce her husband, or abandon him and try to save the family.
Consult with an experienced lawyer to be prepared for the complexities and legal challenges that may arise during a divorce.
Enlist the support of friends and family, intelligibly explaining to them the reason for your desire to get a divorce. For a woman who is divorcing her husband, the support of others is very important in order not to become depressed and get rid of loneliness!
Seriously talk to your husband and explain to him the reasons why she is forced to go this way. If there are common children, it is advisable to part with her husband peacefully - in any case " bad world better than a good fight."
Make plans for the future. In order to survive a divorce from her husband less painfully, it is desirable that a woman imagine how she will live when she is left alone - what she will do, with whom she will communicate, whose help and support she can count on. This is especially true for women who are in the care of their husbands. There is no need to be afraid of problems! It should be remembered: even from the most difficult situation there is always a way out!
Set yourself up for the positive. A woman who decides to divorce her husband must understand that life does not end there and that she will still have a chance to become happy!

Unfortunately, not every marriage lasts forever. It is not uncommon for relations in the family to reach such an intensity that it becomes clear that the only way out of this situation can only be a divorce. But it is very difficult to take this step. What keeps ladies from going to court, how to overcome the fear of the unknown after a divorce, what is the psychology of divorce - our article is devoted to the answers to these and other questions.

Combining marriage, everyone believes that his only born family will bypass all troubles and sorrows, that relations will always be harmonious. This is something that does not work for someone, but not for us. After all, we love and understand each other, which means that everything will always be fine with us.
But time passes, and you begin to understand that not everything is so rosy in "your kingdom." Little by little, dissatisfaction with the partner, his character traits, behavior and attitude to family problems is growing. Gradually, everything gets worse, and you come to the understanding that it is simply impossible to live like this. But the thought of divorce does not bring relief, but only scares. And then what if everything (even if it doesn’t suit you) collapses? How to live on?

How to decide on a divorce if you have a child

The problem of how to decide to apply for a divorce (especially if there is a child in the family) is more often faced by a lady. Probably, if thoughts of divorce began to visit, it cannot be called happy. But to understand where he is, that Rubicon, crossing which it is already impossible to go back, is not so easy. The wife tries to the last to convince herself that the relationship can still be improved, although in her heart she does not believe in it.
Psychologists advise in this case to try to mentally imagine your future. If there is no place in it for the current "life partner", then it's time. Do not let the thought:

will I be able to create a family in the future and what will it be like;
how will the quality of life change when I am left alone;
what changes will occur in housing conditions;
how to decide to file for divorce with a child (two young children) in her arms;
Will the dissolution of the marriage deal a blow to the unstable psyche of children.

ATTENTION! As soon as these doubts begin to overcome, all your determination will disappear, you will continue to coexist (not live) with a person who has long become a stranger to you.

It is not worth expecting that peace of mind will come immediately after receiving a document on divorce. This takes time. But if the breakup of a family is perceived as the beginning of a new stage in life, and not as its collapse, over time you will understand that decision was the only correct one.

How to decide to divorce your husband

According to psychologists, one of the main reasons why a lady does not dare to file for divorce from her husband is her fear of how she will live on, that she will not be able to find a man who will be better than her current husband. Let inattentive, lazy, rude - but his own, dear. And there is a cat in a bag. If you are visited by such thoughts, then you deserve what you have. No need to humiliate yourself in your own eyes, and you will definitely meet someone with whom you will be happy.

Another trap the lady falls into is the feeling of pity. She pities everyone and everything: herself, the time spent, her husband, so she cannot decide how to leave him. What if you look at it from a different angle? Haven't you been happy for a while? Haven't you received positive and negative experiences that will help you not to step on the same rake in the future?

You have to force yourself to understand that life together with this person is over and the time has come when you have to move forward along different roads. So why delay the moment of parting when you perfectly understand that everything is in the past.

If, after some time, you realize that you live with a tyrant husband, do not ponder over the question of how to get away from him. Just pack up and leave. Do not console yourself with the hope that you can re-educate him. He does not need your services, the desire to please everything. He revels in the fact that he constantly suppresses, insults and humiliates you.
The same goes for alcoholics. They know very well the weaknesses of their wives, they understand how to make them feel sorry for themselves. They can beg on their knees not to leave them, swear by anything it was in last time. It is up to you whether to give another chance. But if you firmly decided on a divorce - do not give in, no matter how your alcoholic husband persuades you, end this once and for all.

How to tell your husband about a divorce

But now the hesitations and doubts are behind you, you have made a firm decision to leave. Now you need to decide how and when to tell your husband about the upcoming divorce. If you are confident in the adequacy of your spouse, choose a time when you will be alone. Without insults, anguish and threats, inform him of your decision. In no case do not start this conversation in the presence of even adult children. Try to spare the feelings of your husband, because for him it will be somewhat of a surprise.

Divorce is a situation faced by millions of couples at various stages of family life.

The reasons for the break in families can be very diverse, but they are trying to combine them into one term - "they did not agree on the characters."

Why is there a discord between people, how to decide on a divorce, if people are connected by years of life, a joint household and children?

Why is it important to talk about your problems to your spouse?

Unfortunately, not many people delve into family psychology. Common cause misunderstanding between two people lies in the inability to listen to each other and talk about their problems. Everyone tries to put the blame on loved one. It is he who is easiest to offend and morally humiliate, knowing that he will forgive.

Every day and month, grievances accumulate, provoking another scandal. Many live like this, do not pay attention to whims, humble themselves and save their families. But there are situations in which patience ends, and it is better to break off the relationship.

Why do women go for divorce?

Most serious reasons on which a woman decides to divorce:

humiliation
Cruel treatment
Husband's unwillingness to have children
Constant lack of attention
Spouse alcoholism

These factors significantly affect future relationships. And if over the years the husband does not change his behavior, then a large percentage of women decide to divorce without regrets.

If the decision is made

So, you have made a clear decision - a divorce. Where to start in order to avoid psychological trauma for yourself and your children as much as possible?

Indeed, in addition to this, property issues will also have to be resolved, which will certainly rise if the dissolution of the marriage takes place through a court session.

And if you do not have serious circumstances for breaking up relations, it is worth considering whether such a way out is needed. In most cases, thoughts about the breakup of the family come in a fit of anger, which is not justified by significant problems. Everyone is confident in their own rightness and does not want to give in to their partner.

Try to keep good relations

Important advice - try to find mutual language with a spouse. Do not be afraid to explain why you made this decision, point out your mistakes and his mistakes. If love has long faded in the family, then living for the sake of life and children is quite difficult for both. In this case, compromise will be an important start.

Even after the end of his life together, he still has rights and obligations to children.

If the spouse does not want to dissolve the marriage and does not try to listen to you, then it is better to disappear from sight for a while - to your parents, relatives or go to another home.

It is necessary to make it clear to him that general relations only oppress and do not allow him to live normally. Distance and time will push you to serious reflections, making it clear that you are wrong. Usually, after a short separation, people are attracted again and try to pay more attention to their partners.

Divorce Parable

There are many sayings smart people and psychologists about dissolution of marriage. The parable “Divorce from a husband” can open your eyes to a further attitude towards family life.

One woman decided to go to the sage to consult about a divorce from her husband. She asked for advice on how to hurt him during a breakup.
Then the sage advised her to tell him good things and compliments every day, and when her husband realizes how much he needs her, file for divorce.
After a certain period of time, this woman again came to the sage and reported that she had done as he advised.
He said it was time to file for divorce, but she replied that there would be no divorce because she and her husband loved each other.

This parable says that no relationship can be established with reproaches and aggression. Start talking only about the positive qualities of a loved one, and over time they will manifest themselves to a greater extent.

Only the realization that someone needs you and someone considers you the best can change the situation. And remember that divorce is an emergency and a breakup of people who once loved. Author: Elena Potapova

It is very difficult for a woman to decide on a divorce. A woman takes marriage very seriously, and making the decision to divorce causes her more stress.

Divorce from her husband becomes a real drama. This step changes the whole life of a woman.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - how to understand myself?

“I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide”

And then another lady ran away from her husband. She ran away from resentment, broken expectations, claims and meaningless existence together. She left as from the battlefield, turning her family life in the battlefield.

For the first few days, a woman has a feeling of lightness, because she so wanted to get away from her unloved husband. These sensations are similar to the situation when you are carrying heavy bags and when you carried them and threw them off you, you felt relieved.

But these sensations overwhelm a person only at first. Then there are throwing. The woman understands that she has not solved her task in this relationship. Because of this, she begins to look for a new man. If there is one, then with a 90% probability life with him will follow the same scenario. Each author has one style.

Don't be surprised by this. This is not because of men.

Every man is a normal potential husband with whom you can start a family.

Any man can be accepted and respected. Every family has internal resources to work with.

When people agree to marry unprepared, they turn into blind kittens who share the cat's milk among themselves. If you look at the situation consciously, then you can always find a choice and a solution.

But a woman stubbornly lives the same experience, tries to change her partner, wants him to dance to her tune.

This is all written to the fact that indecision in making a decision suggests that you are acting as in the example. You want to abandon a sinking ship, instead of starting to patch holes in it and do reconstruction.

If you do not agree with this, then answer the question: “Have you done everything in your power for the development of the family?”. If the answer is no, then look for something you haven't done yet but could.

Crisis moments are experienced by everyone, but some run away to get divorced, while others look for a way out of the situation and become happy.

But there are situations in which divorce becomes the most optimal solution. Then the woman answers the previous question in the affirmative. Yes, I did my best. If yes did not sound, and there was no desire to do something, then this pure water escape. From my fears, expectations, from my husband, from myself.

When a woman uses the flight model, then future men will be even worse than previous ones. This is how nit-picking, claims, excessive demands on all men are born. Such a woman will be surrounded by those whom she most does not want to accept. This is due to the fact that she does not see others, by default everyone becomes not as they should be.

That is why it is worth doing everything that depends on you for the relationship. When a person does this, the thought I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide, disappears and the final decision comes.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - why are women afraid of divorce?

"I want to divorce my husband"

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide, there are many fears and doubts that keep a woman from making a decision. Due to fears, a woman is forced to continue living with a man for years.

Fear of the future of children. When a family has a child, it complicates the process of making such a cardinal decision. If a woman only carries a child under her heart, divorce is even more scary.

Being with her husband, even an alcoholic, it seems to a woman that the two of them can better provide for the child than she herself. After the divorce, she will become a single mother with a child in her arms.

A pregnant woman feels twice as vulnerable and defenseless.
Where to get money for life? Such a question tickles the nerves of many women who want to get a divorce. If a woman is used to the fact that her husband regularly brought at least some money, but she herself did not work, then the fear will be ten times greater.
Fear of judgment. A woman may be afraid that others may not understand her decision to divorce. The opinion of others is so important for some women that because of it they are ready to endure life with an unloved husband.
Fear of loneliness. A woman may think that when she divorces her husband, she will not meet anyone else. Because of this, she can continue to live with her husband.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can not decide - What decision to make?

All patience comes to an end. Women who cannot decide to divorce are the champions here. But is it worth it to endure if you can change your fate once and for all.

To endure is easier, so we remain in a state of sacrifice, for women it is very convenient. By default, all responsibility is shifted to the husband, and the woman proudly bears the image of a sufferer.

Instead of making a decision, instead of building their own happiness with their own hands, women continue to say, I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide. They scold their husbands, because they are to blame for everything.

This position of the child does not make it easier for anyone. So what scares you more than the fear of loneliness, the fear of the future, or the ability to take your destiny into your own hands?

We often hear from women: “I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide,” and no one goes further than this.

They remain unhappy wives and torment their husbands with this.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - When should I think again?
"divorce from husband"

In order to decide on a divorce, it is important to know whether this decision will not become an erroneous one. Divorce is the collapse of a relationship, divorce will definitely affect your destiny.

And the reasons for divorce must be serious. But first, let's look at those cases in which you do not need to rush to divorce your husband.

You have a lover. It so happens that even the most devoted wives have intrigues. What to do if you have romantic feelings associated with another man.

Even if you think that new novel are the most serious relationship in your life, and your marriage fades against the background of these experiences, do not rush. The female sex is easily led by emotions. If you do not want to be at a broken trough, then take your time. There are stories of hundreds of women who left their husband and went to a new lover, but returned to her husband a month later.

The wisdom of a woman lies in the fact that she will not run to another, but will find in her husband all those qualities that she lacks in him for complete happiness.

Resentment against her husband. Resentment and conflict are common grounds for divorce. But conflict situations- a matter of life. Is it worth ruining everything because of a misunderstanding, guesswork? Maybe you need to start to learn to listen to each other, not to hurt each other. Women are good at blaming their husbands and not analyzing their own mistakes. Therefore, because of everyday nonsense, they begin to think about divorce.

If you and your husband have a clear misunderstanding, conflicts and claims, think better about what can be done to change this.

Don't know how? Sign up for a consultation family psychologist, in the end. If you do not learn how to manage conflicts, then there is a high probability that quarrels and swearing will be repeated in future relationships.

Feelings are gone. At the beginning of the relationship with my husband, there was passion and positive, now it has become boring, you are increasingly resorting to the idea that I don’t love my husband anymore. This may be due to a relationship crisis.

Attachment, habit, everyday life - all couples go through this. If you want to feel again all those emotions that were at the beginning of your relationship, start working on it with your husband. To fall in love with a husband again means to fall in love with him again.

It is in your power to start looking at your husband in a new way and kindle the flame of love.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - When is a divorce necessary?

There are situations in which a divorce is necessary. And here all doubts should be left behind.

Husband abuses alcohol or drugs. From such husbands, oddly enough, few women leave. For the family, this is a real tragedy. But the chemical dependence of the husband gives rise to the psychological dependence of the wife. The woman believes that she is obliged to save her husband, but in the end, she and the children suffer. You need to get away from these guys.
Tyrant husband. domestic violence rooted in the lives of many families. Violence is not only physical acts, it is also constant psychological pressure. If your husband constantly humiliates and insults you, uses physical strength then run away from him, do not tolerate this in the hope that he will improve.

The husband has a mistress. Women from the fact of infidelity suffer and suffer greatly. The husband goes to his mistress, he may not even hide it, but you still say that I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide.

Stop guessing, take on the decision. From the fact that you delay your decision, he will not stop cheating on you.
It sits on your neck. If you have become the sole breadwinner of the family, and your husband is not able to strike a finger on a finger, then, of course, this is a disaster. First of all for you. He's probably fine with everything. A man without a goal is like a suitcase without a handle. You and him clearly have different paths.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - the pros and cons of divorce

Possible cons:

1) Undermined self-esteem.

Women are having a hard time breaking up, this is due to the many fears that overwhelm them at this moment. All this in a complex negatively affects women's self-confidence.

2) The loss of an important parental resource by the child.

Strong adults are very important in a child's life. When one of the parents is not in the life of a child, he is deprived of support and self-confidence. A child becomes a strong personality in a strong and strong family.

3) Self-flagellation and depression.

Women tend to go through a divorce for a long time, regret what they have done, ask themselves, what if we had not divorced. A man is more comfortable with a divorce. It is not difficult for him to find a new companion.

It is more difficult for a woman to cope with this.

The other side of the coin says that if you realized that you cannot be happy in a relationship with your husband, did everything for their development, but in the end did not get anything, then divorce opens up solid prospects for both personal growth and new successful relationships.

I want to divorce my husband, but I can’t decide - the advice of a psychologist will help make a decision