A married work colleague keeps looking at me. What to do in this situation and what to do to stop it? A problem that has a solution. Such a person is not interested in your personal life.

There will always be individuals who, without a twinge of conscience, will show aggression and obvious antipathy towards you. Basically, ill-wishers and envious people surround you at the workplace, because there everyone is fighting for a place in the sun and for the favor of the authorities. However, open confrontation is less dangerous and fraught with consequences than hidden threat. Surely you, too, may have such colleagues who despise you, but at the same time remain with a diplomatic expression on their faces.

Why hide hatred?

Hiding true feelings in the workplace helps workers in underhanded intrigues. In conditions large team people will never openly show hostility towards someone. They are simply afraid of getting themselves in trouble or jeopardizing their own careers. However, on the sly, such people are ways to bring a lot of trouble to the object of their hostility. They like to commit meanness, while remaining with an unsullied reputation, manipulate other people and talk behind your back.

"Informed means armed"

If you don't want to be part of corporate intrigues, there are some signs that you should be aware of a person's hidden hatred of you. Advice from psychologists: even if you figure out the ill-wisher, stay loyal to him. Do not avoid this person and remember the benefit of the doubt. If you are sure that there are no envious people in the office, try to be sensitive to the needs of all your colleagues, be optimistic, welcoming and friendly.

Reliable strong ties with colleagues will come in handy in the future. And healthy and strong relationships in the workplace, a relaxed friendly atmosphere help all members of the team to be more efficient and productive.

Healthy relationships in the team against behind-the-scenes games

Business speaker Michael Kerr has this to say: When all co-workers treat each other equally well, things become a lot easier. Each of the members of the team feels that there is a shoulder nearby, on which, in which case, you can lean. In any case, in a team healthy relationships it is easier to ask for favors from colleagues or receive favors. Not only that, people themselves will offer you a helping hand. We have now described the ideal model of relationships in the team. What to do if your workplace far from ideal, or do you suspect something is wrong? Before you 19 obvious signs that your colleague secretly hates you.

1. Your intuition says so

Maybe it's just an obsession. However, more often than not, our intuition fails us. If you think that someone dislikes you, it may very well be true. In any case, a person may treat you completely differently than he treats other members of the team. And it makes you think a lot.

2. He doesn't smile in front of you.

Now we are not talking about bad day or a sudden change in mood. If your colleague systematically or deliberately does not smile in your presence, then something is going wrong.

3. He can't make eye contact with you.

Psychologists say that it is difficult to look someone in the eye if you do not feel warm feelings for the person, or at least respect. Have you noticed that one of your colleagues avoids eye contact with you during a conversation? They are simply afraid to give out hostility towards you in their eyes. Such people take the path of least resistance: turn away or avoid you.

4. A colleague is avoiding you.

Sometimes strange things happen. You enter the elevator and notice a colleague walking behind you. You are waiting for him, but he prefers to climb the stairs. He is avoiding you.

5. He spreads rumors

This unprofessional behavior is unfortunately not uncommon in the workplace. A person likes to spread rumors only about who he really doesn't like.

6. He doesn't notice your presence.

When you come to the office, this person will never tell you " Good morning". He will not even stoop to the duty, meaningless phrases. This disregard may also be evidence of his dislike.

7. The person is too dry in answering questions.

Of course, he will not be able to ignore your questions. This does not allow corporate ethics. Ask such a person "How are you", and in response you will hear a short "Normal". If you receive business correspondence from such a person, be sure that it does not begin with a greeting.

8. He sends non-verbal negative signals.

Such a person, at the sight of you, may involuntarily look away or grimaced in a smirk and roll his eyes. He is constantly closed to you: his hands are intertwined and his legs are crossed. Also, your colleague may deliberately keep his eyes on the monitor at the moment when you enter the office.

9. He never invites you to social events.

You will never wait for an invitation to a business lunch or corporate meeting from such a person.

10. A colleague has a habit of communicating via email.

Even if you are in the same room, it will be an unaffordable luxury for him to approach you with a request. It will simply send you an email. Have you noticed a shift in communication towards the digital format? This is a sure sign.

11. He constantly disagrees with you.

All your ideas are perceived with hostility. Very often, such a person may not let you finish the sentences. He interrupts you and has his own point of view on everything. Even if he understands what you have suggested great idea he will never deviate from his principles. His dislike is too strong.

12. Such a person is not interested in your personal life.

Your colleague can chat casually during a break with other co-workers on the topic of personal life, family and children. Only in conversations with you, he never raises these topics. He simply does not care about your personal life.

13. You are not one of the companions for easy communication and jokes.

This person can amuse other colleagues for hours with casual jokes and anecdotes. Only friendly laughter is always heard behind your back. You do not belong to the circle of the elite. He just doesn't feel comfortable around you.

14. He steals your ideas.

Seeing you as a competitor, such a person will try to draw attention to his own person. Therefore, at every opportunity, he will use your ideas and pass them off as his own.

15. He takes on unauthorized power

Such an employee can give himself authority that does not exist. For some reason he decided that he could give you orders.

16. He creates cliques

You may feel like you are in one of the scenes" Mean girls". You will never be part of one of the office groupings.

17. You can't trust him

You share information with your colleagues for review, but this person can always use the information received against you.

18. His favorite method of interaction is a deaf defense.

You feel that a deep wall of distrust is growing between you and this person. Or your colleague is only engaged in building defensive redoubts around himself. It's not like he's prepared for the Cold War.

19. Your work is not a priority for him.

Another big sign that eloquently indicates that your colleague does not like you. Your worries and problems will never be at the top of his list of priorities. He will never treat your work with the same level of urgency as other colleagues do.

Colleagues at work, although they look like adults, sometimes behave like children at school - they gossip, make friends against someone, unite in companies and cry into your vest. Yes, you yourself, most likely, are not inferior to them in this part. Throw away all this kindergarten» is not worth counting - if you strive for success, then work takes up a significant part of your life. Colleagues are your second family. They, like relatives, are not chosen, but somehow one must live with them.

warriors

The reason for the fragmentation of employees of one company may be unspoken hostility between departments, artificially created rivalry or mutual hostility. How bad it is for the development of the company - let the one who manages this company decide. As for your career, working in a zone of constant warfare can harden you, or it can turn into serious trouble. Most of the office wars arise from scratch, but they are often started by people for whom squabbles become the meaning of life and almost the only entertainment.

The cunning and cautious act on the sly, fixing petty dirty tricks and spreading gossip. The impudent or desperately unfortunate do not hesitate to openly feud, constantly looking for reasons for conflict. At the same time, those of them who have charisma or professional authority (after all, nothing prevents a person with openly bad temper to be a good specialist in their field) are able to gather a “retinue” around them, which, with more or less enthusiasm, can join the war or, at worst, mobbing.

It is easy to guess that for the most part office warriors are people in whose life not everything goes well (problems in their personal lives, childhood injuries, complexes).

Remember this the next time your fists itch to punch a colleague who is poisoning your existence in the eye. It is almost impossible to come to an agreement with these representatives of the office fauna (they can only be helped by a psychologist or someone close to whom they are ready to “talk out” and thus relieve themselves of the burden of their personal problems). It remains to avoid and regret them.

Pets

This also includes relatives, lovers, children of friends, friends of children and everyone whom the authorities evaluate not only and not so much from the point of view of professional effectiveness. To understand how dangerous they are, remember the hero Andrei Myagkov from the movie " Love affair at work”, who tried to establish an informal relationship with the boss. In the film, of course, everything ended well, but in reality it is much greater attitude has a scene of a scandal between a gorelovelas and a "mymra". A very instructive scene.

At first glance, if a person is doing well and a career is being built, he has no reason to harm his colleagues. In addition, success is contagious - this is known - and friendship with a colleague warmed under the wing of the boss opens up so many opportunities.

The trouble is that favoritism relationships are inherently unprofessional, and therefore any participation in them puts your career at risk. In addition, the presence of favorites indicates that in everything related to work, the boss’s emotions prevail towards work. The next time the wrong fly bites him, love can easily be replaced by disgrace.

The worst that can happen is that the boss will lose his position. For former favorites, this, of course, will be a blow, but the team will be spared from such an unpleasant phenomenon. The worst thing is that pets will begin to use their exclusive position for personal gain. If such behavior in the company is not the norm, the first to be hit will be just those who themselves have become friends with them. It’s not worth it to make pets angry and upset over trifles, but it’s better to stay away from them.

Former friends

You can still smoke together and laugh at jokes from the Internet, but when it comes to work, you turn into rivals. Common situation? You have been promoted and your colleagues have become your subordinates. You can't imagine worse.

There are many options for the development of events. Former co-workers may try to become your favorites and disrupt the workflow with informal relationships. They can be mortally offended and unite around an informal leader. They can generally sabotage in the firm belief that you have taken your post undeservedly.

Getting used to new roles can take several months, says business coach Leslie Sher. What can you do during this time to avoid destructive competition?

The first problem faced by newly-minted leaders is attempts to maintain friendship, which for the most part result in the claims of subordinates for informal relationships.

Earning the respect of subordinates is sometimes more difficult than the appreciation of the authorities who gave you the position.

Your former colleagues can be sure that you are just one of them, that everyone could get this post and this salary, and your appointment is the result of luck or maybe foul play. From offended colleagues, you can expect anything - up to sabotage. Common resentment unites no worse than common joy, and therefore real threat stability in the team can become informal leaders.

This problem is also relevant because in some areas of business, excellent specialists become leaders, but ... bad leaders. Meanwhile, the notorious leadership skills - necessary condition successful work team. If the formal leader "does not hold out", the team rallies around the informal leader.

A new job places new demands on you. Whether you like it or not, there will still be a certain line between you and your subordinates, even if you are not a fan of iron chain of command. Great responsibility requires, for example, a certain caution in conversations - now in every joke there is only a fraction of a joke.

Be extremely objective and honest. If you keep something back - the team is doomed to misunderstanding and conflicts. So tell the truth and only the truth, to the whole team or individual participants face to face.

You can make it clear to your former colleagues that they did not treat them worse. You don't have to be seven spans in the forehead to understand that bravado new position with a slight touch of army hazing will not bring you to good - this, of course, is not about that. Just find a way to show colleagues that all that has changed is your responsibilities and their accountability. The life of any team continues after hours - someone in the whole department goes to drink beer on Fridays, someone has picnics every summer, etc. Despite the fact that you have more work and problems, and less free time, do not neglect these customs.

Chatterboxes

If a colleague chats incessantly, sparing neither his own tongue nor your ears, this is not so bad. It is worse when his tongue is not only boneless, but also well suspended. This construction of the language allows you to talk innocent people and lead to sad consequences. For example, the victim turns into a wordless performer of someone else's work. If you are well-mannered and naturally delicate - consider that you are at risk. The inability to say “no” in time and the inability to “shut up” the talker in best case will lead to the fact that other people's problems, joys and sorrows will force work out of your head, even if immediate duties are much more interesting than someone's chatter. In the worst case, you yourself will not notice how you take on someone else's work.

How to say no to a colleague

Many become victims of persistent colleagues because of natural modesty and inability to refuse. Saying “no” is really sometimes very difficult, especially for sensitive people. If you notice that you are already doing someone else's work for the umpteenth time, helping a colleague in matters that do not concern you and have generally turned into a “pack donkey”, finally learn how to say “no”:

Make sure you can refuse. That the request is not one of your direct duties, is not an assignment from the boss, etc.

Say "no" politely but firmly. If you really can't help, don't mislead a colleague with half-promises like "Maybe" or "I'll think about it."

Say that you will be happy to help in a different situation.

Ask what circumstances made a colleague ask for help. For example, you are asked to help update a database because a colleague alone cannot do it on time. You can refuse to work with the base, but help and convince your boss to move the deadline.

On a note:

You are not required to explain the reason for the refusal. Especially if the asker in general often "hunts" by shifting his affairs onto other people's shoulders. Word for word - and he will challenge any reasons. But in the end, you may just not want to help anyone. You have the right.

The more you say no, the easier it becomes to do so. On the one hand, this means that it is worth starting - and pretty soon it will be easier for you to overcome embarrassment and awkwardness. On the other hand, you can get carried away too much, and this is not good.

Still feeling embarrassed? Think why. Are you afraid to spoil the relationship, get an inadequate reaction? Or do you feel irreplaceable and don't want someone else to do it without you?

If you can’t immediately say “no” - at least do not rush to fulfill the request immediately.

A dangerous kind of talker is gossip. Gossip by itself can be useful, since they do not arise from scratch and always carry some information. However, becoming a link in the spread of gossip is hardly better than becoming its hero. And it's so hard to keep up.

We are hated

To whom do you ask the question “Which colleagues annoy you?” - everyone has a story about disgusting employees who interfered with life and work, or even ruined someone successful career. However, it is possible that someone tells similar stories about you. In order to be hated, you do not need to make serious efforts and harm anyone - just start annoying others.

Who is not loved? Most of all - bores, gossips, ostentatious workaholics, inveterate debaters, flatterers, whiners, young mothers and pathological sluts.

The story of a pest who deliberately and systematically spoiled the life of her colleague who got her:

How we survived an unpleasant colleague

Once a colleague was brought to us - by pull. The girl's husband owned one of the offshore companies of the company, therefore, he was well acquainted with the CEO and decided to make a TV star out of his bored wife.

We would have gladly accepted her, but she was not very intelligent, information slowly reached her, and all the work had to be redone by others. One kind colleague, not particularly hiding, called her "stupid Kabardino-Balkarian horse." Do not ask why Kabardino-Balkarian. Of course, the girl complained to her superiors. But in the end, it became easier for her to just move to another edition.

Peace - peace

"Peace to the world, no war is needed" - this is the motto of the "Friendship" detachment.Pioneer slogan

You don't have to love your job and your colleagues, but if a war breaks out in the office, it's worth trying, if not making peace, then at least maintaining neutrality. Do not enter into career wars - this is what happens to those who dig a hole for others:

What happens to those who dig a hole for others

I had a colleague who liked to appropriate other people's achievements.

It just so happened that I was his boss and did not interfere with his desire to run over me to the chief's office, reporting on the successes of the entire department as if it were his personal merits. He did the right thing, that he did not interfere, because the bosses of the careerists, who live on miraculous labor, did not like it. The boy was fired once for taking credit for a project made by a novice employee. As it turned out, the project was erroneous, on which the company lost a lot of money. But it was the careerist who was fired as the person who did not provide full information about the project.

Calm, only calm

The best way to save face is to remain calm. Whatever happens. Firstly, the saying “be quiet - you will pass for a smart one” is right: an employee who is calm as a boa constrictor looks like a great professional than his noisy colleagues. Secondly, calmness helps to concentrate (well, yes, corny - but true). Finally, complete equanimity gives you the image of a person who is able to make decisions even in the most difficult situations. stressful situations- a quality that admires and is highly appreciated by employers.

External irritants, stress, or your own violent nature can disturb your peace. All three cases are “curable”: external stimuli can be fenced off, stress can be cured. With character it is more difficult, but this is fixable if you learn how to manage emotions.

More space

The most hated neighbors are in communal apartments. A person needs a lot of space to feel comfortable. Where it is crowded, conflicts over trifles begin.

You probably won’t be able to increase the size of the office just like that, but you can correctly divide the space. The ideal layout is when…

• there is a wall behind the employee’s back (“covered rear” has a calming effect, there is no fear that someone will suddenly “attack” from behind - for example, the boss);
• the monitor is not visible (after all, there are a million different ways to catch an employee visiting inappropriate sites);
• good lighting (if the table is next to the window, then there must be blinds on the window, otherwise in spring and summer the sun will blind or glare on the display; in any case, everyone should have their own table lamp);
• there is enough space to store papers, stationery etc. (bedside table, rack, paper trays).

It gets on the nerves of employees if someone is constantly “hanging around” next to their workplace: “unlucky” can be considered tables standing next to the door, mirror, cooler, bookcase or printer. In addition, in not too friendly teams, a workplace near the window becomes a source of stress: some of the colleagues will constantly want to ventilate the room, and someone will complain about drafts and backache.

Offices - good environment to show an unexpected love for the precepts of communism. Each office has its own small community, where it is not customary to stand out from the crowd.

In other words, everyone should have the same tables and chairs, otherwise, at the first opportunity, a small but very destructive war will begin for a more comfortable (new / expensive / nice) copy. At the same time, office workers love to literally settle in their workplaces (no wonder, given how much time we spend at work), and God forbid someone disturbs the harmony of the frames with photographs of their beloved cat or the peace of papers piled on the table in a mysterious order, which only the owner of the table understands.

Silence is gold

Noise is one of the main causes of stress (not necessarily in the office). If the source of the noise is a jackhammer outside the window, only earplugs or headphones will help get rid of it. If the source of the noise is a colleague, you can try to neutralize it verbally.

You yourself can be a source of unpleasant noise. Maybe you…

• … tap the keys too loudly when typing;
• … you often leave your phone when you leave the room - your colleagues have already memorized its ringtone;
• … you listen to music in headphones so loudly that your colleagues listen to it with you;
• … often watch videos, flash cartoons and other nonsense with sound on your computer;
• ... you chat all day in "ICQ", forcing colleagues to flinch from her "oops";
• … talk too loudly on the phone;
• … speak too loudly in general;
• …and also talk too much.

If you notice something like this behind you - do not be shy, ask your colleagues to pull you up every time you start yelling into the phone or pounding on the keyboard again.

Question to the psychologist:

I'm asking for help and advice. How to be in this situation. I will try to write briefly .. That so much has accumulated.

I've been working for the same company for quite some time now.

Somewhere a little more than a year back in June I returned from vacation ... I was a little lazy to work and I was sitting in the office looking at men :) purely out of interest. And it so happened that I crossed eyes with one man, first once, then twice. (Let's call this man ABV). I must say right away that the man is married and has children. Then it happened like this, at one fine moment he left his office and purposefully stood and looked at me for a minute and a half, two. So did I ... As a result, I got involved in these peepers, rather serious "Peepers" began.. We could stand on the street and look at each other without stopping.

I almost always go smoking with a group of men. So this colleague, with whom we exchanged glances, began to approach the men with whom I smoke and began to greet them. I decided for myself, since he greets them, I will begin to greet him myself. A couple of months passed, and I caught myself thinking that this colleague I’m cute, and how girls love me, I decided to check the situation, I wrote to this man from an unfamiliar account in order to get acquainted ... He kindly sent me back, saying that he was married (just then I found out that he was married, he didn’t wear a ring).

After that, we continued to play peepers. Somewhere in October, I began to notice strange things .. A colleague stands with his friend, says something to him, and a friend almost says to my face, “pretty” .. At first I closed my eyes to this ...

A month passed and I began to notice that ABV began to dress up, then he would put on a fashionable shirt, before that there was nothing like this, then he would update his wardrobe. It was nice to see ABC.

Closer to the new year, our peepers increased ... It was interesting and at the same time pleasant, seemingly non-binding ... But then I got tired of it sharply ... A married man .. Looks and does nothing ... I'm not talking about that I need to be invited somewhere or something else, but the maximum is to come up and talk, why not? And then, closer to the new year, I began to observe myself more often, that his colleagues began to look askance at me and whisper.

I decided to stop all this without explaining the reasons to anyone.

Going to work after New Year's holiday, I decided not to even greet ABV in order to stop staring and whispering of his colleagues.

For a month and a half, he kept looking, trying to say hello, I ignored it all .. Then he stopped saying hello, so that there would be no answer ... But he continued to look, and from time to time we nevertheless met eyes, but no more. And the whisperings of colleagues behind their backs continued, almost poking a finger.

I stopped looking, and he constantly passed by, either touching me a little, or accidentally touching my hand.

Somewhere in the month of April, we were standing with the girls, he was standing next to me, and in between times I blurted out that I love it when men shave. After some time, he came shaved and just continued to look ... In principle, I looked back. Somehow I came and perfumed myself with perfume, he also began to perfume himself with perfume .. True, now he has stopped, with regards to perfume and shaving (shaves every other time, twice).

In June of this year, I went on vacation and it so happened that I came back from vacation, and he left. We haven't seen each other for a month. And not so long ago he came back from vacation and he suffered even more ... I began to avoid him so that he would calm down ... The views of other colleagues became smaller, but continue periodically. And then recently, in his department, a colleague from a neighboring office began to work with him, they began to go smoking together ... I completely stopped watching, and he and his colleague provoke me ... Now ABC does not look or looks every other time, but apparently asks his colleague to see..

They pass by my table and stop and then his colleague says to him: "Well, that's it! You lost the girl!" He was embarrassed and turned his head away so as not to look at me. On the same day, I was standing with my colleague, smoking, and accidentally raised my head and I see ABV standing around the corner and watching. I turned my head away again, and I went to the office with my colleague, and ABV followed us and one step separated us, stop, he crashed into us ... I really paid attention to this distance when we entered the office already . Again, I have repeatedly noticed how ABV stands with his colleagues, they say something to him, but he does not listen to them, but looks at me point-blank, not hiding anything ..

As a result, on Friday, all this completely burned me out, and I decided to write to this ABC with a request to calm down and stop these peepers, and all sorts of antics, in order to get tired. As expected, ABC asked what am I talking about? Then I said that I disliked his views. ABV, said that it all seemed to me, and that if I was not so pleased, then he would try not to look. Today is the first day when he walks and defiantly does not look .. He walks and head down, or defiantly hides behind his colleague. Either he goes with a colleague and the colleague looks, and he is head down.

Please note that the man is about 40 years old...

Please help me on what to do in this situation.

I'm afraid it won't end there, but it will start even worse. I'm tired of this game. I kind of wrote and asked not to do it. But I assure you, this is not the end. What can be done in this situation???

I also inform you that the girl is not small ... The whole story is on a sober head, without any rose-colored glasses there ...

The psychologist Gladkova Elena Nikolaevna answers the question.

Hello Lydia!

The situation that you describe is very similar to an attempt to manipulate you by another person, in particular, your married colleague. Most likely it is connected either with his inability to independently make any decisions in his life and his dependence on another in his life, or with his belief that he is so irresistible that he does not need to take any action himself at all. getting what he wants. Both options, although it is possible that there are many other explanations for such behavior of an adult male, may indicate that you are dealing with a representative of a narcissistic personality organization. These people themselves are very difficult for relationships, because their obsession with themselves and the "correct" reflection of their environment does not allow them to show other qualities necessary in a relationship - caring for another, understanding his needs or showing interest in his personality.

The form of contact in the form of a "hypnotic" gaze on another person is a kind of aggression towards another person. It can cause a variety of feelings - from interest in the interested subject, to irritation and displeasure that the relationship does not move to another level. In your case, it seems that these stages are in full, and your interest in your colleague has already begun to take on the character of waiting for the continuation, when you are “tired” of waiting for this continuation, it naturally turned into irritation.

Such a manipulative technique in use is usually required in order to force the object of manipulation to take the “first steps” in the development of relationships, to provoke the creation of an image of a kind of womanizer among women, to convince others of self-importance and irresistibility. In addition to the look, gossip and rumors are used, which usually form this idealized self-image that the manipulator is trying so hard to create. It is possible that you just fell victim to such manipulations. And most likely, you yourself are not the goal that the manipulator strives to achieve, but rather you are used as a tool to achieve other, larger goals.

Judge for yourself, you had nothing but peepers with him (from your words), and your colleagues probably got the impression of your stormy and passionate romance. And now, when you, tired of expectations, have decided to demand not to test the power of his eyes on you, perhaps now there may be gossip that he left you and you do not give him a pass, even write letters with requests.

I won’t be surprised if you yourself are not an ordinary employee at this company, but perhaps you occupy some post in it. Then the "halo" of a man who had an affair and left such an aunt can significantly raise the assessment of the environment for this man, despite the fact that he did not really do anything.

Are you asking what to do in such a situation? It would be nice to understand what you yourself were counting on when you got involved in such unusual story. In general, as for any narcissist, ignoring him with or without reason, not responding to him in any way - neither in terms of getting rid of such violence, nor in terms of interest in why this form of the game existed between you, hurts him more than any even the slightest reaction to him and his presence in your environment. This is what they suffer the most from. From indifference, from own worthlessness.

There are other ways to "reject" such an unusual partnership candidate, but they, for the most part, use the same methods as the manipulator - rumors, gossip, and even open confrontation, when fantasies created can be destroyed by the right replicas in the presence of a large number significant people for him, but they all require certain skills and, in the absence of such, can do a disservice to trying to use them.

Something like this!

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For many people, work is not only a source of replenishment family budget and an anchor of stability, but also favorite hobby, which is a way of self-expression and brings a certain joy in life. Unfortunately, work is not always associated only with rainbow and pleasant emotions: relationships with colleagues can force even a calm person to slam the door.

How to put in place arrogant colleagues?

5 responses to a colleague if he constantly finds fault at work

Does your “comrade” at work vigilantly watches your every step, baselessly finds fault with every little thing, exhausts you with attacks, reproaches and jokes? Do not rush to splash lemonade in the face of the impudent person or send him on a long journey to a known address - first make sure that all cultural methods have been exhausted.

• "Do you want a cup of coffee?" And have a heart to heart chat. You will be surprised, but goodwill sometimes not only discourages the impudent and deprives him of "thorns", but also quickly solves the problem. In the end, adult adequate people are always able to find a common language.
• Be flexible and seek compromise. Even if nothing happens, your conscience will be clear - at least you tried.
• "You have parsley stuck in your teeth." Reduce all attacks to a joke. With a smile, but categorically "move out" from any reproach. And just keep doing your thing. On the principle of "smile and wave." For the 10th time, a colleague will get tired of your reciprocal jokes and “non-action” (the best answer to boors is precisely non-action!) And will find another victim for himself.
• "Your suggestions?". And really - let show and tell. Give the person the opportunity to express himself, and give yourself the opportunity to move on to a normal dialogue with a colleague. Calmly listen to his objections and suggestions. Also calmly agree or, in case of disagreement, arguedly and, again, calmly voice your point of view.
• “And indeed. And how did I not realize? Thanks for noticing! We'll fix it." You don't have to go into the bottle. The most bloodless option is to agree, smile, do as you are asked. Especially if you are wrong, and a colleague is a more experienced person in your work.

5 right steps if a work colleague is following you and reporting to the authorities

Is there a "mishandled Cossack" in your team? And more and more for your soul? If you are an exemplary worker and have a strong habit of keeping your mouth shut, then you don’t have to worry. However, knowing about the rules of conduct with "snitches" does not hurt.

• We place a colleague in an information vacuum. All important and personal questions We only talk outside of work. Let a comrade starve without food for denunciations. And, of course, we approach our work responsibly. If you come after noon, run away long before the end of the working day, and spend most of your working time in the “smoking room”, then the boss will define you as an indefinite vacation without slanders.
• We act in reverse. We calmly and confidently launch the “disinformation”, and let the scammer warm his long ears and spreads this misinformation throughout the company. The minimum that awaits him is a reprimand from his superiors. The method is radical, and it may well turn out to be a double-edged sword, so choose the material for the "misinformation" very carefully.
• "Who is there?". We ignore the colleague himself and his attempts to ruin your life. As for the authorities, there is no need to worry here: no one likes informers. Therefore, do not try to run after a fellow informer to the head and insert your 5 kopecks. Just "sit by the river and wait for the corpse of your enemy to float past you."
• "Well, shall we talk?" A heart-to-heart conversation is a very real solution to the problem. But without superiors and in the presence of witnesses - other colleagues. And preferably, those colleagues who are on your side. In the process of an intimate conversation, you can explain to a colleague that everyone knows about his actions, that no one supports these actions, and that at all times the fate of informers was unenviable (everyone chooses the tone of conversation and epithets to the best of his intelligence). It is worth noting that as a result of such conversations, informers very often realize their mistakes and take the path of correction. The main thing is to convey to the person that in your friendly and strong team with such life “principles” they do not linger for a long time.
• To hell with delicacy, we count the snitch ribs! This is the most worst case development of events. He will not increase your "karma" unambiguously. Therefore, emotions are aside, sober thinking and calmness are above all. And even better, humor can help relieve stress. It is humor, not sarcasm and skillfully inserted "hairpins".

In the matter of denunciations, it is always harder than with ordinary rudeness. Ham can, if desired, be pulled over to his side, calmed down, brought to a conversation, turned into a friend from a foe. But as a rule, pride does not allow anyone to be friends with a snitch. Therefore, if in your friendly team a snake wound up, deprive it of poison immediately.

A colleague is frankly rude - 5 ways to besiege an insolent person

We meet boors everywhere - at home, at work, in transport, etc. But if a bus boor can be ignored and forgotten as soon as you got off at your stop, then a boor colleague is sometimes a real problem. After all, you won’t change jobs because of him.

How to besiege an insolent?

• We respond to every boorish attack with a joke. So the nerves will be more whole, and your authority among colleagues will be higher. The main thing is not to cross the line in your jokes. "Below the belt" and black humor is not an option. Don't stoop to the level of a colleague.
• We turn on the voice recorder. As soon as the boor opens his mouth, we take out a voice recorder from our pocket (or turn it on on the phone) and with the words "Wait, wait, I'm recording," we press the record button. No need to scare the boor that you will take this audio collection to the boss, record "For history!" Defiantly and without fail with a smile.
• If a boor asserts himself in this way at your expense, deprive him of such an opportunity. Does he pester you during your lunch break? Eat at other times. Does it interfere with your workflow? Transfer to another department or work schedule. Is there no such possibility? Ignore attacks and see point 1.
• "Do you want to talk about it?" Every time they try to piss you off, “turn on” your inner psychiatrist. And look at your opponent with the forgiving eyes of a psychiatrist. Specialists never talk to their violent patients. They stroke their heads, smile affectionately and agree with everything the patients say. For especially violent ones - a straitjacket (the camera of the phone will help you, and the entire series of videos on YouTube).
• We grow personally. Take care of yourself - your work, hobbies, growth. At personal growth all boors, scammers and gossipers remain somewhere outside your flight. Like ants underfoot.

5 answers on how to deal with a gossip colleague

Of course, everyone is thrown off balance by false rumors spread behind their backs. At this moment you feel "naked" and betrayed. Especially if the information about you spread at the speed of light is true.

How to behave?

• Pretend that you are not aware of the situation, and continue to work calmly. They argue and stop. As you know, "everything passes", and this too.
• Join the conversation about yourself. With humor and jokes. Take part in the gossip and boldly add a couple of shocking details. Even if the gossip doesn't stop, at least take the pressure off. Further work will be much easier.
• Point out to a colleague specific articles of the Criminal Code on libel which he violates with his gossip. Doesn't understand well? File a suit for the protection of honor and dignity.
• Every day, deliberately and defiantly toss a colleague new topic for gossip. Moreover, the topics should be such that in a week the team is completely tired of them.
• Talk to the boss. If all else fails, then this is the only option left. Just don't rush into your boss's office and do the same thing your colleague does. Calmly turn to your superiors for help, without naming names - let them advise you on how to get out of this situation with honor without harming the general microclimate in the team.

If your colleagues do not like you, some of them will not hesitate to say so openly. Others will diplomatically and professionally hide their feelings.

Lynn Taylor, national workplace expert and author of How to Train Your Office Tyrant, Handle a Childish Boss, and Succeed at Work, says:

"Many people hide their contempt for others in order to avoid scandal and save their careers, but they continue to quietly ruin the lives of those they hate. However, there are a number of signs by which you can determine that someone is not in your best interest."

If you notice them early enough, you can correct the situation before it goes too far.

"Of course, you can't please everyone," Taylor says.

And yet, you must listen to the needs of your colleagues, be friendly to them, keep positive attitude communicate openly and trust them no matter what.

"These people have brighter career prospects," Taylor says. “Furthermore, strong and healthy working relationships enable you to fulfill your responsibilities more effectively and achieve your goals.”

Michael Kerr, internationally renowned motivational speaker and author of The Benefits of Humor, agrees with Taylor.

"When your colleagues like you, everything becomes easier," he says. - "You know that they are ready to cover for you in case of need, to provide a service, to help in difficult situation or organize joint work even if you work in different departments."

According to Kerr, good attitude others strengthens self-confidence, increases work productivity, provokes the appearance creative ideas and allows you to achieve success, no matter what you do.

Here are a few subtle signs that tell you that your co-workers secretly hate you. Remember that no one can read other people's thoughts, and therefore is not immune from mistakes. Don't jump to conclusions! You may just be misinterpreting their body language or tone.

If colleagues act badly only in relation to you, most likely, they really do not like you.

1. You intuitively feel that they don't like you.

If it seems to you that your colleagues hate you, maybe you made it all up, or maybe it really is. If someone treats you differently than others, you can hardly be called his pet. Trust your intuition and keep looking for confirmation that you are right.

2. They take credit for you.

"Perhaps your colleagues just love fame," says Taylor.

But if every time they try to appropriate only your merits, most likely they are trying to survive you from the team.

3. They don't look you in the eye.

"If you don't love a person and don't respect him, you can hardly look him in the eye," says Taylor. If you notice that colleagues avoid eye contact even when talking, there are reasons for this.

“Maybe they are afraid that you will notice hostility in their eyes, and therefore do not want to look at you again,” suggests Taylor.

4. They don't smile when you're around.

Everyone has bad days and mood swings, but if co-workers intentionally hide a smile in your presence, something is definitely going wrong.

5. In a conversation with you, they get off with general phrases.

If you ask how you are and get an on-duty response ("Fine" or "It's okay"), and emails from colleagues never begin with a friendly greeting ("Hello" or "Good afternoon"), this could also be a sign of a negative attitude. .

"If someone is acting like a surly teenager, this is a reason to be wary," advises Kerr.

6. They never ask you to join a joke.

"Jokes are The best way strengthen working relationships. If co-workers never try to engage you in a joking conversation, chances are they feel insecure and don't see you as part of the team," says Kerr.

7. They avoid you

If you're waiting for the elevator and see that colleagues prefer to take the stairs rather than ride with you, or waiting for you to leave the restroom to go into it, this means that they are avoiding you.

8. They gossip

Gossip is childish and unprofessional, but if someone doesn't like you, they will inevitably gossip about you.

9. They act like they have power over you.

"People who dislike you will bully you, even if they don't have the right to do so," Taylor says.

10. They don't notice your presence.

If colleagues do not greet you in the morning and do not say goodbye in the evening, in a similar way they demonstrate their negative attitude to you.

11. They never invite you to social gatherings.

If colleagues never invite you for lunch or to discuss a project over coffee, they are trying to tell you something.

12. They use negative body language.

“If a co-worker constantly rolls his eyes when you start talking, assumes a protective posture with his arms folded, or doesn’t look up from the screen when you enter a room, this is an indication of his true feelings", says Kerr.

13. Being close to you, they take a defensive position.

"If a person quickly becomes defensive in a dialogue with you, most likely, he does not trust you, and he does not like you," says Kerr.

14. They communicate with you exclusively by email, even if you are sitting next to you.

If your colleagues don't like you, they will try to keep face-to-face contact with you to a minimum. If in Lately the flow of letters from them has increased significantly, this is a bad sign.

15. They don't agree with you about anything.

If people consistently reject your ideas, it means they don't like you.

"If someone cuts you off mid-sentence and speaks negatively about your proposal, their prejudice is so strong that they are ready to reject anything, even if the idea was great at first," says Kerr.

16. They form gangs like schoolchildren.

If you feel like the heroine of "Mean Girls", and you are not invited to any group, most likely, no one likes you.

17. They never ask you personal questions.

"If you notice that colleagues are constantly chatting with each other about their families and hobbies, but never touch these topics in dialogue with you, most likely they are simply not interested in how you live," says Kerr.

18. They never give you and your work the attention they deserve.

Here is another sign that your colleagues despise you. "They see your problems and the results of your work as less important than the problems and results of other employees," says Kerr.

19. They set you up to protect themselves.

When something goes wrong, colleagues try to shift the blame onto you. They snitch on you when you say or do anything that is against company policy. As soon as you make a mistake, they report it to the authorities.

Most likely, they really want you to be fired.

If attempts to frame you do not bear fruit, colleagues try to get rid of you in another way.

For example, they send you a list of vacancies in other companies and offer to "reconcile with the right people", because "in another team you will be happier and more able to achieve", even if you are already happy and satisfied with your results. Such advisers are unlikely to worry about your well-being.

They probably don't like you and want you to leave.

21. They don't trust you.

"If colleagues ask you too many unnecessary questions or give you too little information that you are supposed to know, they may be trying to destroy your career," says Taylor.

businessinsider.com, translation: Airapetova Olga