Compliment types. Positive points of encouragement

The first kind of them is when WE PRAISE NOT THE PERSON HIMSELF, BUT WHAT IS DEAR TO HIM: the company where he works, its successes, fame, etc.

· The second type is compliments, when WE GIVE THE INTERCOURSE A LITTLE "MINUS", AND THEN A BIG "PLUS". After the “minus”, the interlocutor is lost and ready to object, but at this moment, in contrast, you say something very flattering to him. Psychologists consider such a compliment to be the most emotional and memorable, but, like everything powerful, it is quite risky. If the "minus" turns out to be stronger than the "plus", the consequences for you may be extremely undesirable.

· The third type of compliments is that YOU COMPARE YOUR INTERVIEWER WITH SOMETHING VERY EXPENSIVE TO YOU. For example: "I would really like to have such a responsible person as you as my son." This type of compliment is the most subtle and most pleasant for the interlocutor. But the limits of its use are rather narrow. So that it does not look artificial, firstly, it is necessary to have relatives and trusting relationship between interlocutors. And, secondly, the interlocutor must know how important for us what we are comparing.

There is another form of compliment that can evoke positive emotions even among those who take an extremely negative position towards you. This form is called "COMPLIMENT ON THE BACKGROUND OF ANTI-COMPLEMENT TO YOURSELF".

For any entrepreneur and any manager to win over subordinates and business partners is a production necessity. Therefore, it is necessary to compliment them as often as possible, while observing a few simple rules.

1. Compliments should be made in a confident tone, not embarrassed, but not patronizing either. Words should be combined with tone of voice, facial expressions and posture.

2. When giving a compliment, you should predict the partner's reaction. A compliment can also cause irritation if it is inappropriate.

3. No need to say conflicting compliments that have hidden connotations.

4. A compliment should only reflect positive traits without double meaning, when the quality can be assessed as both positive and negative.

5. The positive quality reflected in the compliment should have only a slight exaggeration. Otherwise, the compliment turns into a mockery.

6. You can not make a compliment about those qualities that a person seeks to get rid of.

8. You can’t make additives to a compliment that become a “fly in the ointment” for him, that is, they significantly worsen.

A compliment differs from flattery precisely in that it contains a slight exaggeration. The flatterer greatly exaggerates the dignity of the interlocutor. Flattery is coarser than a compliment and therefore has a greater chance of being rejected because of a blatant inconsistency with the real state of affairs. Therefore, in a business conversation, a clear advantage for a compliment as a more subtle and effective tool.

A positive perception of a compliment is facilitated by the use in it of facts known to both partners, and the interpretation of this fact presents the interlocutor in a favorable light.

The absence of a factual basis makes the compliment unconvincing and can reduce the statement to the level of banal flattery. If there is any doubt whether the interlocutor will understand what fact they are talking about, it is better not to take risks and first recall it, and then beat it.

Worst of all, if the compliment contradicts the facts. For example, if your companion has not slept all night, suffering from a toothache, and you tell him that he looks great today, your words will be perceived as nothing more than a mockery.

The complimentary part of the statement should be as short as possible, contain one or two thoughts, no more. And be simple in design and obviously understandable.

You must be able to not only give a compliment, but also adequately respond to it, moreover, preferably immediately, otherwise the interlocutor, if not offended, will no longer want to please you another time. The general formula for responding to a compliment is: "It's thanks to you!" All art consists in the ability to vary it. In other words, you need to return the psychological "plus" to your interlocutor. It is important to praise him for really positive qualities.

There are other very important techniques for creating good impression those around. These techniques suggest the following manner of communicating with interlocutors.

Every person, no matter how passionate about his work, has his own personal life- personal interests, hobbies, aspirations, interests and needs of their family. If you conduct a conversation with the interlocutor in line with his personal interests, then this, as a rule, will cause increased verbal activity in him, accompanied by positive emotions, and he will perceive you as a sensitive and attentive person.

Of course, you have seen a couple in love sitting in a restaurant. They look into each other's eyes, one repeats the postures and gestures of the other, as if "reflecting" him in himself. They speak with the same loudness and the same speed, use the same words, phrases, and even breathe in the same rhythm. These people are in a special situation, which in Western psychological science called "rapport situation".

Rapport means that the feelings, thoughts and interests of people are in harmony, that people feel good together and that they support each other. This harmony of relationships is reminiscent of musical resonance.

If you hit one tuning fork and bring it to another, then the second tuning fork begins to sound in unison with the first. A similar resonance arises between people when they work and live in an atmosphere of sincerity and trust.

Rapport between two people is a close, trusting, open, free, reliable and pleasant relationship between them.

We can say that in the conditions of rapport people feel in their place, naturally, "at home."

RAPPORT is unity, tune in to one wave, mutual sympathy. In other words, you are in a state of rapport with this or that person to the extent that you find common features with him and speak common language- language of words and body language.

When making contact with another person, you can take one of the following two positions.

1. Focus on the differences that exist between you.

2. Focus on similarities, that is, on what you agree on and what you react to in the same way.

If you highlight differences, it will be almost impossible for you to create a situation of rapport with other people. But if you concentrate on the general, you will find that resistance, opposition, distrust, skepticism, fear, anger and other unnecessary and meaningless feelings easily disappear.

In fact, people have a lot in common. If you wish, you can see yourself in others and feel sympathy for them.

When people feel they share a commonality with each other, it becomes easier for them to live and work together, they are better able to accept criticism, are open to change, and actively strive to contribute to the common cause.

Rapport - best type relationships in which people can be, and this should not be forgotten by someone who seeks to create a good impression of himself among others. Being in a situation of rapport, people unconsciously adjust to each other.

Most effective remedy to create rapport - this is peising, which means "to hold a mirror in front of someone". In psychology, pacing refers to any form of "reflection" of another person, i.e. creating an environment in which everything he sees, hears or feels seems to him right, good and fair.

PASING (or reflection of feelings) is the desire to show the interlocutor that we understand his feelings. How nice it is to talk with a sensitive interlocutor who shares your emotions and experiences without paying attention. special attention on the content of speech, the essence of which sometimes does not have much meaning for yourself.

Pacing means that you show the other person the sides of your personality that are closest to him. People tend to sympathize with those who are like them and do not want to argue with those who they like. We communicate best with people who see the world the same way we do, who have the same likes and dislikes. We choose our friends among people who give us a sense of inner harmony.

Pacing occurs completely unconsciously when sympathy is present, i.e. when rapport exists. But pacing can also be used consciously as a specific technique for achieving rapport, in a situation where people do not know each other well, are closed, expectant or skeptical, are in a defensive or offensive position, are nervous, etc.

The ultimate goal of any communication is to achieve rapport.. The best remedy for this - peysing. Having mastered the technique of pacing, you will be able to emerge victorious from many difficult situations arising in the course of your communication with other people.

Details Created: 03/29/2016 11:18

Don't be offended by unfortunate compliments. Just not everyone knows how to express their thoughts clearly.Hearing the phrase "You have such Beautiful face!" - do not answer: “Oh, but the body, then, is not very good?”

People are unlikely to want to hurt you, but your self-doubt will be obvious.

Kate Winslet

Compliment is universal way position the person. Everyone is pleased to hear a compliment addressed to him, because a compliment satisfies the human need for positive emotions.

What is a compliment?

Compliment(French compliment) is special form praise, expression of approval, respect, recognition or admiration; kind, sweet words. It is quite easy to distinguish a compliment from flattery; a flatterer greatly exaggerates the dignity of the interlocutor. Flattery is cruder and more likely to be rejected because of its implausibility.

Compliments are a very powerful weapon in our hands, a powerful tool to influence ourselves and other people. With the help of a compliment, we can cheer up a person, cheer him up, encourage him, make him our ally or friend. The ability to give compliments is a wonderful skill that everyone needs.

There is a great many various kinds compliments. But most often we use three of them.

Type 1 - a compliment directly aimed at a person's personality, that is, at his qualities, skills, abilities and character traits.

Tanechka, I really like your determination, the ability to achieve your goals. From the outside it seems that you do it easily, while getting real pleasure.

Compliments of the first kind are more often said to people whom we know well. The peculiarity of this type is that, in addition to qualities and skills, it is necessary to say what actions or deeds a person has performed, which give us the opportunity to assume that he has one or another quality.

It's not enough to say, "You're kind." I need to explain why I think so. Otherwise, the compliment becomes flattery.

Type 2 - a compliment aimed at a person's personality through something material, belonging to him or his appearance (hairstyle, makeup, jewelry, clothes, car, apartment ...).

Vasily Nikolaevich, what a cool organizer you have. He says that you plan your activities and always achieve your goals.

Who did we compliment? Vasily Nikolaevich. But they did it through the organizer. After all, if a person just needed to take notes, he would most likely buy a notebook. Since he has a new organizer, he is going, most likely, to develop such a quality as determination. If we saw this and said about it, we made it clear to the person that we see his personality behind things. And above all - personality.

Type 3 - a compliment aimed at a person's personality through my feelings and sensations that I experience when communicating with him.

Cyril, I feel very confident next to you. You instill this confidence in me with your manner of communication, and it seems to me that when you are near, I can achieve any goals.

We talk about our feelings, but what does a person experience? Joy and gratitude. Moreover, if we say that we can achieve any goals next to this person, he indirectly receives information about his purposefulness.

Compliments of the third kind are good to use when communicating with an unfamiliar person or with a group of people. We cannot say a compliment to everyone if we have several interlocutors, but we can say about our sincere feelings, thereby positioning the group in relation to itself. This is much better than saying ordinary phrases or befitting platitudes.

And yet, for many, the question remains, how best to formulate a compliment so that it is appropriate and has the right impact on the interlocutor? It is enough to know a few rules, following which, the ability to make compliments will lead to success and the expected sympathy of the interlocutor.

Rules for formulating compliments:

Rule 1 A compliment doesn't have to be faceless. It always has its addressee - a woman or a man, an employee at work, etc. The main thing is to address a person by name (first name and patronymic) and look at this person at the same time.

Rule 2 The compliment must be sincere. Speaking a compliment, you should be as honest and frank as possible, your words should not contain pronounced flattery.

Rule 3 Valuable is the compliment that emphasizes the individual features of the addressee, distinguishes him from the general crowd. For example, “You have such a radiant smile!”, “You always dress elegantly and tastefully,” etc.

Rule 4 Facial expressions, gestures must match the words. Smile when you compliment.

Rule 5 Avoid stamps.

Rule 6 Do not compliment in passing, in between times.

Rule 7 Compliments cannot teach. “This dress suits you, always wear it” - this is already a lesson, not a compliment.

Following these simple rules, your compliments will always be appreciated!

Compliments are sincere and not quite, from a position from above, on an equal footing and from below, direct and indirect, open and covert.

Why so many? It must be borne in mind that not all people and not all compliments are perceived favorably, sometimes you need to hide a compliment, see Perception of compliments ...

There is such a thing - "hidden compliments." This is a case when you made a person pleasant, and it is impossible to “convict” you of this. Hidden compliments, implicitly influencing the interlocutor, create a special atmosphere of trust in relationships. Hidden compliments include the manifestation sincere interest to the interlocutor - sincerely interested questions about his life, work, family, events that he witnessed - and then return to his stories, demonstrating that it was important to you and you left these stories in your soul. People love to talk about their hobbies - ask about what the person is into. The most neutral option is the frequent mention of the name of the interlocutor: if you remember the name of the interlocutor and address him by name, this demonstrates something more than just respect towards him.

The girl may ask young man, what kind of training he would advise her - in this case, without any compliments on her part, he will understand that she appreciates his professionalism in this matter. And if she has even started to practice according to his system, there is no cooler compliment at all. How can a young man answer this? - give flowers with or without a reason, look at the girl and admire, admire and admire - without any words! ..

Syntonity in communication is the ability to make hidden compliments when they did it nicely, but there was no compliment. And you need to start a relationship precisely - with syntonicity. This is the best, most reliable and safest compliment, because you did not actually give a compliment.

However, since “hidden compliments” really don’t sound obvious, it’s difficult to talk about them as real compliments.

If we talk about real, real compliments, then they are all classified along two axes: "direct - indirect" and "open - with cover." In direct compliments goes straight mentioning the virtues of a person or what he does, an indirect compliment - happens indirectly, through something, in an indirect way. An open compliment does not hide itself, moreover, it attracts attention and emphasizes itself, a compliment with a cover - distracts attention from itself, switches attention to something else.

"You look great!" “This hairstyle really suits you!” “As always, very tasty and beautiful” are all examples of open and direct compliments.

“Don't worry, we'll be fine. It’s very easy for me to work with you” – it’s not talking about a person directly, it’s talking about working with him. But if a person is easy to work with, it says about the person too. This is an open indirect compliment.

“What a great figure you have! Tell me, do you have it by nature or do you play sports? — a direct compliment, but with the cover of a distracting question.

But: “Oh, you have a decent car! How long have you bought such a beauty? is a covert and indirect compliment.

The simplest and most obvious is a direct and open compliment, but it is he who causes the most rejection among people who tend to see flattery and licking in compliments. The safest are indirect compliments with a cover, it is with them that it is most reliable to start.

Business communication is based not only on maintaining official interaction and defending business interests. Creating a friendly atmosphere, friendly and emotional ties is also necessary and important. Compliment is simple and universal remedy to quickly achieve the favor of a vis-a-vis and a pleasant emotional background any conversation, even business. It is enough to understand the tasks to be solved and choose desired tone.

Compliment Rules

A compliment is a universal verbal device that has no gender preferences or attitudes.

A compliment is a verbal genre that performs the task of establishing contact and pleasant psychological background of the conversation. It consists in naming important personal qualities person, his skills or decisions taken, a compliment is our praise of the real merits of a person. It is important to name exactly the feature that struck or that you want to highly appreciate.

There is a stereotype that a compliment acts as a purely male remedy courting ladies, but this is far from the case.

Note!!! Do not confuse compliment and flattery. Flattery is gross exaggeration for the purpose of manipulation. A compliment never aims to deceive the interlocutor or influence his behavior. His super-goal is an atmosphere of benevolence, and the task is to express his personal interest in communication.

A compliment is a universal verbal device that has no gender preferences or attitudes. There is no compliment and restrictions in the scope of use. Both in personal and business communication it is appropriate and fruitful subject to four basic rules:

• sincerity and factuality: only truthful and sincere admiration, praise will sound and be perceived naturally and harmoniously,
• originality and specificity: there are some common words, clichés and templates for compliments, but they need to be presented in a non-banal, tactful way and naming the real qualities of this particular person,
• appropriateness: the right tone, Right words, the right moment, the right situation can give a compliment a delicate frame, and the wrong ones can turn it into a stupid and untimely statement,
• lack of didactics and ambiguity: it is important to specifically formulate praise, avoiding ambiguous interpretation and not continuing it with moralizing.

The ability to accept a compliment is also part of successful communication. To do this, it is enough to answer with a nod of the head, an open smile or the words “Thank you”.

Another productive setting is in no case to make excuses for a compliment if it turned out or seemed not entirely successful.

By the way… lucky compliment can also be used in a conversation with an initially unfriendly partner: subconsciously sincere praise and open admiration cause a feeling of satisfaction in any interlocutor.

The algorithm for constructing a compliment can be based on three tricks:

A compliment in a business environment is essentially and general principles no different from personal

• direct naming: You have an office in a great location! I admire (amaze) how well you chose the location of the office in this area of ​​the city. In this case, the compliment is more straightforward and sounds unambiguous and frank.
• indirect compliment: Only a person with excellent strategic thinking could choose a place in such a promising area of ​​the city! In this version, the phrase is built not so directly, however, such a technique may seem too intricate, ornate and emphatically neat to the counterpart.
• self comparison: Wonderful place! I wouldn't have guessed build your office here some 5 years ago. It usually looks like a manipulative, straightforwardly elevating the interlocutor and belittling himself, so its use is inappropriate in conversations between unequal partners.

Topics for compliments

A compliment in a business environment, in essence and general principles, does not differ from a personal one, but differs significantly in content. The topics of communication between business partners, between employees and colleagues, or between a marketer and a client most often become purely business things - profit, sales, terms of the transaction, time, place of the nearest meetings, plans for the future. Therefore, business qualities and features of decision-making in this field of activity can become objects for praise.

Compliments to business partners regardless of gender

• punctuality: It's nice to cooperate with punctual partners!
• managerial abilities, efficiency in decision-making, literacy in paperwork, fulfillment of obligations are necessary requirements for partners, but praise in these areas may be quite appropriate: I appreciate your promptness in making a decision. this issue: You have excellent mechanisms within the company.
• You always look cheerful and fit, I admire people with such a love of life.
• good place to meet: How well did you choose the meeting place: convenient way from my office, good parking, cozy restaurant. You are a skilled tactician!
• expensive and comfortable office or office: A wonderful office and a magical view from the window - you have great taste!

In the business field national characteristics, subordination and gender differences sometimes limit the opportunities for a compliment.

Compliments to female business partners

compliments business partners-women

• appearance or demeanor: You are a real business woman! You always manage to create a beautiful, holistic image of a business woman!
• compliment to the details appearance- hairstyle, manicure, accessories and wardrobe details - sound appropriate from the lips of a woman, however, a man can also praise what seems to him exceptional and successful: I am always amazed by your original manicure! As you can see, you wonderful master manicure!
• cabinet interior: You have a great atmosphere here: the flowers look amazing!

Compliments to clients

Such compliments are called professional, they are used in direct sales, when it is necessary to quickly draw attention to yourself, quickly and emotionally give the conversation a positive and pleasant tone. Therefore, compliments in marketing can turn out to be exaggerated, sometimes more formulaic:

• choice of service or product: You have a trained eye: this smartphone is one of the best in this category!
• appearance and demeanor: You look very young and perky in this hat! You feel so much dignity and self-respect!
• features of a home or office environment: Here you feel comfortable, everything is thought out and executed with good taste.

In addition, the important components of a compliment: the ability to see hidden (non-obvious, but pleasant to the interlocutor) qualities and ultimate personality, that is, the personification of a compliment - it is necessary to praise exactly what the person considers important for himself.

Do not forget! The compliment should be short, but clear and unambiguous. It is also advisable to help a person accept this compliment: you can observe the reaction to a compliment and supplement it if the interlocutor wants to prolong the pleasure of nice words or clarify your point.