The body does not lie (the meaning of the various postures of the human body). Conversation with a psychologist. How to Know You've Been Rejected

You already know what speeds you need to drive in order to avoid accidents, but what if you have another car sitting on your tail? This article provides guidance on what steps you can take to avoid potentially dangerous situations caused by a vehicle behind you.

Steps

Keep calm! Losing control over yourself, you simultaneously lose control over the control of the car, and this is already life-threatening. Some deep breaths usually helps to calm down. Focus on the situation, not on the radio, talking to passengers, or the cell phone (which should generally be avoided, especially in heavy traffic).

Find a comfortable distance for yourself. Drivers who frequently drive around the city are more accustomed to staying close to the vehicle in front, while drivers who rarely travel to the city are more comfortable keeping a long distance. Given this fact, your opinion that the driver behind you is not keeping your distance may not correspond to reality, or the opinion of the driver behind you. An important goal, in this case, is to reduce stress for both drivers, since each of them is subject to, in his opinion, aggressive behavior on road.

Be aware of local regulations traffic. As a rule, non-observance of the distance is considered a violation of traffic rules, since it can create an emergency on the road. In the event of a collision, the driver behind will be at fault. If the driver is aware of the consequences of a collision with you, then most likely he will not sit on your tail.

If it's safe to do so, pull over to the side of the road to let the car behind you pass. Usually, this is the most fast way get rid of the tail. If the car behind you quickly starts to catch up with you, this is an indicator that he wants to overtake you. If it's safe, skip it.

• On narrow roads, use the emergency lane to let the pursuer pass. In many cities, it is customary for a slower vehicle to use the emergency lane, otherwise, it will just be a polite driver's gesture.
• On a winding road, you should not accelerate sharply in the fast lane, as this will prevent others from passing. Many drivers drive slowly and smoothly around corners, and start accelerating only when they enter the straight lane and make sure they have enough room and visibility to overtake. Be patient while allowing others to pass.

You met a man, you liked him, but for some reason the relationship does not move forward ... Alas, life is not always like romantic fairy tale. It is possible that you simply did not like your chosen one. How to figure it out so as not to waste energy on building unpromising relationship? Psychologist Elena Godina advises.

The fact that a man rejects a woman is not always obvious to her, says the specialist. - Especially if she really is not indifferent to this man. Any little thing can be taken as a sign of attention. And meanwhile, this is not so ... How can you stop deceiving yourself?

If a man is interested, then at the meeting he will certainly ask the lady for a phone number or other coordinates. Didn't ask? So you are not the heroine of his novel. You can't waste any more time.

Sometimes it happens that after one or two dates a man realizes that you are not his option. He loses interest in you and stops communicating.

Of course, the short “silence” of a man still does not indicate anything, says Elena Godina. He may be busy, sick, on a business trip, and so on. But if your gentleman disappeared without warning for a month or two, you should be wary. However, there is nothing to be shy about, and you can try to call or write to him yourself, the psychologist advises. By the reaction of your chosen one, it will be clear whether he is going to continue the relationship.

If a man does not answer your emails, and you can never get through to him on a mobile phone, then most likely he does not want to maintain a relationship with you anymore. Will have to reconcile.

The same - if a man constantly tells you that he is busy. Remember - if a woman is interested in a man, he will always find an opportunity to communicate with her. Therefore, do not build illusions.

If you even had sex, this is not a reason to think that the man is now yours. This is the mistake of many women. Perhaps the man had sex with you under the influence of momentary desire and now feels uncomfortable when you call him and try to appoint new meeting. In general, according to the rules of etiquette, after a sexual date, your partner should call himself. If he is silent, then it was only sex, and nothing more.

Unfortunately, men are often to blame for the fact that women misunderstand them, - says psychologist Elena Godina. - It happens that a man is simply too well brought up and is embarrassed to show a woman that he does not have any feelings for her.

He can chat friendly with a woman, show politeness, and she takes it for male interest. It seems to many ladies that if a man communicates with them, then the matter is in the ointment. Meanwhile, this representative of the stronger sex can thus communicate with absolutely all women.

Some men also flirt with everyone. If any woman takes it for something more serious, they are sincerely surprised, because they are sincerely convinced that they did not give a reason ... This often happens, for example, in work groups.

What are the signs of real interest on the part of a man?

He tries to look at you all the time.

He tries to keep in touch all the time. For example, if he cannot call you, he will definitely get in touch via the Internet.

He is interested in your business.

He seeks to meet with you if possible.

In personal communication, he seeks to touch you. Even if he does not directly offer to have sex, there is always some kind of sexual interest in his behavior.

If most of these signs are absent, then this man does not need you.

Of course, you can still try to win his favor, but as they say, you won’t be nice by force, ”says Elena Godina. - It is better to look for a new chosen one than to cling to someone who is not interested in you. Believe me, sooner or later there will always be someone who needs you.

You can see it in the way he looks at her, even trying to hide his gaze and seem indifferent. This can be seen from his gestures, when he accidentally or as if, as a joke, touches her hand. This can be seen in his poorly concealed emotion of loss when a woman slips from his arms. In fact, if a man wants to be closer to a woman, he always wants to get a response from her and mutual feeling. Psychology and physical attraction makes us try to get closer to those who mean too much to us. A man can constantly give up his feelings, say that a woman annoys him, but non-verbal signs tell a completely different story. For example, when a man loves a woman, he tries to take a seat near her. But, so that others do not understand his feelings, he does not take a place nearby, but on the contrary, so that she is in sight. A man wants to look at his beloved. This is not surprising, because a loved one is always pleasing to the eye. But, if you watch such a man, he tries to hide his eyes so that no one guesses about love. Therefore, the guy looks as if from a joke, and when someone pays attention to him, he tries to hastily look away. Often, young people think that they can hide their feelings, but still, they subconsciously give themselves away. You need to be a person with iron nerves and endurance in order to constantly control your emotions. Not many men are capable of this, fortunately or unfortunately.

How does a man hide his feelings for a woman?

If you have such questions, it means that you want to understand the attitude of some guy towards yourself or another girl. By various gestures and facial expressions, experienced psychologist can quickly and accurately determine the emotions of a person, even if he hides them very carefully. If you suspect that someone likes you or, conversely, your boyfriend likes some lady, watch how he behaves in the company of a lady. This does not mean that the young man will do everything for her to give gifts and curl around, but, nevertheless, he will definitely show himself.

To begin with, observe how often he can look a girl in the eyes and whether these views express any emotions. Lovers try to look away, because emotions of joy are unmistakably read in their eyes when they still look at dear person. If the guy and the object of his attention are walking down the street, he tries to be close to her, but not near, believing that this will reveal his feelings. If a girl asks for something, a man often pretends that he is not particularly eager to fulfill the request, but, nevertheless, he always fulfills everything. He closely monitors the behavior of other men, which can be seen from the tense behavior and look, but is always silent. If a guy notices that a girl is showing signs of attention to another, he barely noticeably tenses up and looks away, or, on the contrary, looks intently, without looking away. Also, you can see that he clenches his fists or grinds his teeth. To all questions, young people in such situations answer only with jokes or ask them not to pay attention, strenuously pretending that everything is fine. Probably, most of all, in such a situation, a man gives out a desire to be indifferent. He tries too hard to play his role, so his actions look extremely unnatural. Of course, this can be noticed by those who know him well or who carefully observe him.

In such situations, young people themselves never volunteer to see the girls off, but they always try to model the situation so that this role goes to them. Of course, the guy does not take the lady by the hand and talk to her about something intimate. He tries to act cheerfully or indifferently, pretending that he wants to quickly return to the company. It is quite difficult to convict him of feelings, but it is possible, for example, by casually offering to take a walk a little longer. Most likely, he will agree without enthusiasm, but will remain with the girl for as long as she wishes and will not show by word or gesture that he has even the slightest desire to leave. Men are not so strong emotionally as they try to appear. On the contrary, guys are much weaker than us girls. They do not know how to deal with their emotions next to the object of sighing, at least at the moment when the girl asks for something or offers something. From a distance, guys can talk about the deep hatred they feel for this lady, but their behavior when they are near each other says quite the opposite. Precisely because of the inconsistency male behavior, the easiest way to guess about his true, sincere feelings and experiences.

That is why, if a man wants to be closer to a woman, then you should carefully look at everything he says and does. Even the words and phrases spoken by a young man can give him away. The fact is that the guy is trying to subconsciously like the girl. He behaves in such a way that she appreciates some of his qualities. Even if it is swagger, but the young man considers it his plus, he will diligently stick it out.

Hiding love is actually very painful and difficult. That is why, even being in the company of a beloved woman, guys often behave nervously and embittered. This only says that feelings reach the upper limit and they can no longer cope with them. This leads to the fact that it may seem to some that the young man treats the girl extremely negatively. In fact, he most likely hates, but not her, but himself. And let him say and invent everything that comes to his mind, real feelings can always be read in the looks and gestures, in those emotions that slip on the face in passing. If a man wants to be closer to a woman, then he definitely needs her.

The body tells about you and others. Posture, gestures, and postures always mean something, because these signals are the body's way of trying to vent the feelings you're trying to suppress. Studies have shown that every time a person tries to hide their emotions, their blood pressure rises.

As we learned in the previous chapter, every gesture and movement conveys precise information about how you feel, whether you like it or not. Body language can amplify or undermine the meaning of a verbal message as the person's body betrays their true feelings.

One day ex-president Nixon unwittingly betrayed his feelings by demonstrating to others that he was embarrassed when he was asked difficult questions. He turned his whole body away from those who asked such questions, that is, he tried to distance himself, and as a result he lost confidence in himself. Watching Nixon, people guessed that he had something to hide.

Several years ago, I treated Marissa, a fifteen-year-old girl, who made me very good impression. Communicating with her during classes, I admired not only her mind, but also her excellent posture and unhurried hand movements, which clearly indicated that she had developed sense own dignity.

However, everything changed as soon as Marissa came to class with her mother. The girl seems to have been changed. Her demeanor underwent a striking metamorphosis. She sat without raising her head and avoided meeting my mother's or me's eyes. Her hands were folded humbly in her lap.

I really sympathized with Marissa, immediately understanding what was happening. She was clearly under the influence of her formidable mother, in whose presence she wanted nothing more than to become as inconspicuous as possible. She was clearly afraid of her mother and, yielding to her pressure, temporarily sacrificed her self-esteem.

When I told them about my observations, Marissa admitted that she always felt awkward in the presence of her mother. She has never been able to live up to her expectations, let alone earn her praise. As soon as she realized this, the relationship between mother and daughter improved and they finally learned to treat each other with respect.

slopes

When you like a person, you usually lean towards him. This is a sign that you are interested in him and what he wants to say. If the interest is extremely great, then you lean forward with your whole body, while your legs remain in place. If a person is sitting leaning on his side, this means that he is showing you his friendly disposition. If a person is unpleasant, boring, or you feel awkward with him, then you usually lean back.

One day I was having lunch with a friend who liked a man from our group. When he apologized and left the table, she began to vent her feelings to me and ended by asking if I thought she had any chance. I didn't want to disappoint her, so I told her how she could find out. I advised her to see how close he would sit to her and whether he would lean towards her.

The man soon returned, and my friend quickly received an answer to her question. Her chances were close to zero. He sat down and leaned back in his chair. When she reached out to touch his arm, he recoiled with obvious displeasure. He paid little attention to her, and when he spoke to her, he was stiff and very formal. His behavior spoke for itself. He had serious relationship with another woman - he was not interested in my girlfriend, and he let her know with the help of his body language.

border violation

Just like animals, people have their own rules regarding their living space and their own territory. When one animal captures the living space of another, he gets scared and can attack him. The same thing happens with people. Every culture has rules that dictate how close one person can sit or stand from another. Hispanics and Middle Easterners stand closer to each other than Westerners, who are not accustomed to being cramped. But if a European or an American visits another country, then getting to know the local rules and adhering to them will not be superfluous for him at all.

People who violate the boundaries of foreign territory, no matter what nationality they may be, either love to show off and show strength, or they do not understand what they are doing at all. When someone comes very close to you and starts talking, you may not like it and may not want to communicate. You will start backing and retreating until you just apologize and run away. You may notice that you unconsciously crossed your arms in protest, tried to turn away, or pulled your head into your shoulders. You began to shift from foot to foot, fidget or try to change your posture. Perhaps your voice will also become harsh, and you will ask this person to take a step back.

In some studies, experimenters deliberately approached people so close that they felt uncomfortable. In an effort to show that they were disturbed, these people usually abruptly stepped aside.

Sometimes a person gets too close to you on purpose to make you feel insecure. Invading someone else's territory frightens those who own it, and they retreat, trying to figure out your intentions. If you get too close, most people will be offended, and no matter what they say, they will never get rid of the negative emotions that you have caused.

If you get too close to a person, it will make him worry: if everything is in order in terms of personal hygiene, if his breath is fresh, and if he smells good. Or the person may not like the way you smell. However, your reaction to the invasion of your space may not be negative if you are glad that you see a person so close.

It is important to note that a person who feels his strength and self-confidence usually takes up more space, because he does not hesitate to freely stretch his legs or place his hands comfortably. Well, a less confident person, as a rule, draws his legs and presses his hands to the body, trying to take the fetal position.

If a person stands too far

People who stand too far away seem arrogant, arrogant, or consider themselves superior to others. They are literally afraid to get too close to you. Perhaps they are sitting or standing so far away because they don't like you. They are annoyed by your conversation, smell or appearance. Often people who seek to physically distance themselves from others experience fear in their souls.

Copying movements

If you want to make sure you seem attractive to someone, check to see if the person is mimicking your movements. If one of you is copying elements of the other's body language (crossing your legs at the same time, propping your head up with your hand, clasping your hands, etc.), chances are that one or both of you are in a lyrical mood. When a person imitates another, this indicates that he wants to be like him.

Rocking from heel to toe

These body movements signal that the person is feeling impatient or restless. Adults sway from heel to toe in moments of excitement, when they are uncomfortable and want to calm down.

This behavior is not uncommon in children, especially those with autism: it is their way of cheering themselves up and regaining their peace of mind.

If adults behave in this way, others do not like it, because it distracts them. They cannot pull themselves together and focus on what the person who is swinging is trying to tell them.

fidgeting

When people are out of place, they are giving you a lot of information about themselves. They get nervous, and then it's a sign that they don't want to be here anymore. They wring their hands or shift from foot to foot, which indicates excitement or irritation. When a person is uncomfortable, he constantly makes some kind of movement to feel better.

When people are uncomfortable, their temperature rises, they literally feel the heat in their chest and fiddle with their tie, trying to loosen the knot.

So when you see someone fidgeting, know that they are sending you a message that they are uncomfortable or something is bothering them. Perhaps the person lied or wants to get away from the people in whose society he is currently located.

head tilt

Head tilted to the side signals that the person is interested and ready to listen to what you have to say. He is focused on your words, and you managed to completely capture his attention.

Have you noticed that young children who have not yet learned to speak often hold their heads to one side when they are spoken to. This shows that they are listening carefully.

Sharp movement of the head

When people hear something they don't like, people often make a sharp movement of their head away from the speaker. Most likely, this is an unconscious reaction designed to create a barrier between the person and the source of discomfort.

Nodding

People who constantly nod when you speak like to please everyone. They usually have a burning desire to please. Their manner seems to say: "I agree with everything you say, but you must love me for it." As a rule, these are insecure people who are afraid of being rejected.

When a person shakes or shakes his head, it means that he expresses doubt or disagreement with what was said. He may shake his head, trying to analyze what was said and decide what position he should take in this case.

Head low

If you do not participate in a religious ceremony or were not born in a country where it is customary to bow your head as a sign of respect, then a low head during a conversation indicates that the person is insecure, suffers from low self-esteem, is unhappy, or is experiencing depression.

The late Princess Diana used to speak with her head down. Initially, this could be a sign of compliance, but since Diana did not change this manner later, it seems to me that this was a reflection of her difficult state of mind and proof that in her role as Princess Diana did not feel too confident.

Sharply raised head

A sharply raised head signals an impending threat in the same way as a protruding chin. This is a sign of aggressiveness and hostility, indicating that a person is ready to go to extremes to solve the problem facing him.

When a person shakes their head or throws it back, these movements usually express contempt or arrogance.

head scratching

Unless a person has lice or some kind of skin disease, scratching the head means that he is embarrassed or unsure of something.

One day I was working with my music producer on a song that I wrote, and suddenly I noticed that he began to furiously scratch at the back of his head. I asked him if he doubted the end of the song. The producer replied in the affirmative and added that he wanted the song to have a different, more dramatic ending. Paying attention to the fact that he was scratching his head, I guessed that the producer really did not like what we were doing. He decided that we should change the ending of the song, but he was afraid to offend me.

Or one more example. Let's say you ask someone a question, and the person starts scratching the back of their head. He tells you that he didn't understand your question or doesn't know how to answer it. It will be useful to repeat your question in a different form so that the person understands exactly what you are trying to achieve from him. By changing the wording of the question, you will also give the interlocutor more time to prepare an answer.

Shrug

When people shrug their shoulders, it means that they are not telling the truth, are being insincere, or are indifferent to everything. It can also be regarded as “I don’t know,” “I’m not sure,” or “something I can’t believe.”

A person who lies usually shrugs his shoulders very quickly. In this case, it is done completely involuntarily and means something completely different than indifference or lack of interest. The person seems to say that he is telling a lie. This quick shrug of the shoulders is an unconscious attempt to appear cool, calm, and collected.

If a person raises his shoulders, but does not shrug them, but leaves them in this position, then he demonstrates his defenselessness.

This movement was often made by Marilyn Monroe to emphasize her sexuality and willingness to communicate.

I do not know a single woman who would not like to be able to conquer men. However, most of them are extremely mistaken that for this purpose you need to be a slender thin woman with big breasted and plump lips. The most ordinary girl can “fasten” any man to herself in such a way that it won’t seem enough. Without any love spells, bells and whistles and other witchcraft garbage, but thanks to the understanding and use of certain psychological mechanisms.

Any girl is able to conquer any man - this is guaranteed. You just need to know how to do it. Today we will discuss some of the points that make this possible.

1. You must approach the man

In the literal sense of the word. Gather courage and overcome the physical distance that separates you from desired man. Get a little closer to him than the distance outstretched hand. You will violate his personal zone, and your man cannot help but feel it.

Even if, with an ordinary friendly handshake (men and women also sometimes shake hands with each other), hold your hand a little longer in his palm, while smiling and looking into his eyes a little longer than necessary, this can also be regarded as penetration into private.

Do not think that men are uncomfortable with the fact that a woman comes close to them. Not at all. If a man came up, it would be a different matter. He will perceive this invasion as aggression. But here next to him is a representative of the fair sex.

A man always has a strongly developed instinct of the owner. If something fell into the zone of his access, then the first desire is to take possession of this object. If a woman is close to him, then the man begins to think with instincts, and not with reason. He wants to possess.

You should also know that the closeness of a woman in any man causes temptation, desire. This process is uncontrollable, like the beating of the heart. Another thing is that most men have learned to hide it carefully. They allegedly do not pay attention, pretend that they do not care. But it's not.

2. Let a man show you signs of attention.

When the physical distance has been overcome, and having been in the zone of close proximity to a man, you planted a seed of temptation in his soul, then get ready to accept his signs of attention.

Dear women! Signs of attention are also a natural involuntary reaction of a man. They cannot be. Let me remind you once again that a man is an owner, and when something that has been in his possession begins to elude him, he has an involuntary desire to return this object. When a man realizes that a woman who almost was in his arms, whose smell he inhaled and whose closeness he felt with all the fibers of his soul, begins to move away from him, he instinctively seeks to return her. How can he do it?

Of course, you can just approach a woman and openly admit your interest, but objective factors can interfere with this. For example, there may be a wife nearby, or other comrades who, on occasion, can inform the wife about her husband's hobby. Or a man simply does not want to compromise himself with casual communication. After all, he can be just plain shy. However, the interest and desire that has arisen require implementation, so the man begins to provide certain signs attention.

Another thing is that you may not recognize them. different men show their interest in women in different ways.

For example, look. For the above reasons (wife, comrades, shyness, etc.), a man may not tell you anything, make no attempts to get to know you better. But he will look at you more often than at others. Please accept this token. Also openly look into his eyes and smile. But this smile should not just be friendly! It should be intimate, only for him!

A man's attention to you may still manifest itself in the fact that he will strive to stand out from the crowd of people around him. This is also an instinctive desire to be better than others and thereby attract the attention of a woman you like. A man, for example, may start talking a little louder or joking a little more vulgarly, move more often in space (to attract attention), turn the topic of conversation to those items that make him stand out from the mass of other people, for example, to his cool car that he recently bought.

Recognize these signs and accept them. Laugh at the jokes and admire his car. But again, remember that you laugh and admire not just with the company, but only for your man. All emotions should be intimate, addressed exclusively to him.

Catching and accepting signs of attention, you make a man think about you, strengthen his inner fire.

So, we summarize the initial basic rules of conquest male heart. You bridge the physical distance between you and the man and elicit an instinctive grasping response from the subject. A man is an owner, therefore he feels everything that has fallen into the zone of his extreme closeness as his property, he has a desire to possess this object and the desire to keep it close.

When you move away from the zone of close proximity to a man, he involuntarily begins to look for a way to prevent this. One way or another, he seeks to draw your attention to himself by means of certain signs (gazes, movements in space, changing the topic of conversation, amplifying his voice, etc.). Accept these signs and respond to them.