Is it good to live with a guy. My experience of living together with a guy - learning from other people's mistakes

Living under the same roof with a loved one is a very responsible step. You will spend a lot more time together and will get to know each other both with good and with bad side. In this regard, you need to think carefully before making such an important decision. Ask yourself a few questions, the answers to which will allow you to understand whether you are ready to move in together or not.

1. Are you moving out for a profit?

The most important thing in such a situation is to clearly define the goals. Saving money on rent should never be the initial reason. Why do you want to live together? Is your love so strong that you can't imagine a day without each other?

If you decide to live under the same roof just to have regular sex and because it's so profitable for you, then you shouldn't do it. Wait a bit until the ratio reaches the desired boiling point.

2. Where do you want to take the relationship?

Decide what will happen after you start living together. Are you expecting your lover to propose to you? Or just want to live under the same roof and see what happens?

Experts note that such decisions should not be made hastily. First of all, you need to weigh all the pros and cons and analyze your relationship.

3. How will you manage finances?

Develop a so-called financial plan, because very often money becomes one of the main reasons for which there are quarrels. Disagreements also occur when one of the partners earns more than the other.

4. Are you ready to find out absolutely everything about each other?

Once you start living together, all secrets disappear. You will know all the habits and preferences of each other. Some of them will seem cute to you, and some will be terribly annoying. Are you ready to put up with absolutely everything? When you find the answer to this question, then you will understand whether you need to move in.

5. Will you find time to be alone with yourself?

Being together almost all the time, it will be very difficult for you to be alone. There is practically no personal space left. Don't fool yourself into thinking you don't need it. Absolutely everyone needs a personal island. Agree on how much time you want to spend separately from each other, with friends and relatives.

6. How will you deal with possible quarrels?

While you live separately after a quarrel, each of you can return to your home, “cool down” a bit and then discuss the conflict constructively. When living together, you will not be able to afford such a luxury. First, learn how to properly resolve conflicts in order to avoid unnecessary scandals in the future.

7. Will you be able to discuss all the issues with each other?

Living together provides for the discussion of all issues, planning pastime and making joint decisions. Think about whether you are ready to divide your life into two, whether this thought scares you.

8. Are you ready to throw out some of your stuff?

Of course, that all your things will not fit in one apartment. Some of them will have to be abandoned, thrown away or donated to someone you know. Other than that, you will share everything. Share space, bath, kitchen, clothes, blanket. Are you ready for this?

9. Are you prepared for the unexpected?

You've made a clear plan of who will be shopping when you're out with friends and sorted out other small things. However, something is bound to go wrong. Will you be able to come to terms with this and adequately respond to unforeseen situations?

When you honestly answer all these questions to yourself, then you will be able to determine with accuracy whether you want to live with your chosen one or if it is better to wait.

It is worth sorting out all your belongings even before moving into a shared apartment, where, perhaps,. Clean up and decide what things are really important to you. Leave room for new things that you will acquire with the love of your life.

Divide things into four categories:

1. Save.
2. Sell.
3. Give.
4. Throw away.

Save the clothes you wore for Last year, And necessary elements furnishings that you don't plan to buy anytime soon. Sell ​​what has value, but it has become superfluous for you or just tired. Donate clothes and shoes that you haven't worn for a long time, books, and anything that isn't worth the effort it takes to find a buyer. Everything else is definitely thrown into the trash.

Be sure to get the opinion of your loved one before getting rid of something.

2. Don't close your eyes to flaws

It can be both minor and very serious problems. may be an obvious reason for a break. But the abuse of drugs can go unnoticed until such time as you find yourself in one territory. It's about how well you know each other.

In some cases, a few conversations are enough to answer questions such as:

• Can you shower together or do you prefer to be alone while grooming?
• How will your work schedules overlap?
• Who will be responsible for the bills?

It also happens that your half already has. Then you must decide if you are ready to be a part of his life as well.

Or maybe it's about your weak points. In this case, do not take a defensive position. Try to look at yourself from the other side and decide what concessions and changes in yourself you are ready to make.

But do not expect that in a new place everything will be resolved by itself.

3. Don't assume you won't have to deal with finances

Probably, the one who coped better with his own will be engaged in joint accounts. If your favorite is , set up an automatic transfer to your account of at least the part that will go to pay for housing, cover a loan, or for future joint purchases.

Don't worry about becoming a babysitter. Think of it as an investment of your time and knowledge in the absence of conflicts in the future.

4. Don't leave all the housework to just one person.

Many couples make this mistake. As a rule, the mountain of dishes washes the one who first becomes sick at the sight of it. It's not fair, but it's very easy to get stuck in these unbalanced scenarios of living together. Before moving in, discuss equality in the field.

• Who takes out the trash?
• Who is washing the dishes? (Often this is the one who does not cook. But perhaps it is easier for someone to completely take over the kitchen, and for another - a room and a toilet.)
• Who fixes the closet when it starts to creak?

All these tasks have nothing to do with what gender you are or who earns more money. It is better if it is done by someone who is less difficult.

IN last resort if none of you wants to do it, you can order cleaning services by entering this expense item into the overall budget, and never swear because of the dust.

5. Don't pretend you're married.

This is a serious blunder. Many see cohabitation as the first step towards marriage. For many, this is true. Couples living in the same area have a great opportunity to test each other's willingness to compromise, generosity, emotional, and financial compatibility at the household level. All this is priceless.

But the fact that you started living in the same area does not mean at all that you will definitely get married!

Avoid developing unhealthy dependencies on each other. Your things do not belong to your loved one, and his things do not belong to you. When making decisions, you are not always obliged to take into account the interests of a partner. You can try to make a relationship out of this, but you can always end it if it doesn't suit you. This is the meaning of your life together, isn't it?

Evening meetings after a hard day, joint weekends, plans for a common vacation, are you great together, and all his ridiculous shortcomings and habits do not piss you off, but rather delight you? Congratulations, you've been hit by Cupid's arrows. Living together is great. joint work. Therefore, each of the partners must be aware of what they are doing and whether they are ready for such responsibility.

Where to begin?

If the idea of ​​​​starting to live together has already matured in your head, and this idea is taking on real shape, then it's time to discuss this issue with your man. After all, just think how nice it will be to wake up together not once a week, but every day. If your chosen one also says that he likes this idea, then it's time to act.

Life together is a real ability to be guided by compromise. Both of you will have something to lose - bachelor freedom, lack of responsibilities, your own space and other delights of being free. In fact, it can take many years from the birth of the idea to live together to its implementation. We offer you tips on how to start a life together with a man.

Discuss any concerns together. If you feel insecure, then tell the man about it. Believe me, your chosen one has his own personal set of the same ridiculous fears. After all, he, like you, will part with his freedom.

Don't forget about distance. We need to discuss the general, keep our personal. Living together does not mean growing into your chosen one. You must have your friends, habits, hobbies and hobbies. The right to privacy is a must!

It is worth discussing such issues of joint life: budget (how will you pay bills, buy groceries), consequences (expenditure must be discussed, otherwise one day your chosen one will buy a gadget, and you will buy a new dress, but it turns out that your union has more money no), everyday life (share household chores), relations with relatives, etc.

Remember that you must discuss all the simple things without touching on any of the issues, there may be constant disputes in your house. Even improperly laid out laundry can be the cause of disputes.

By no means!

1. Issue an ultimatum. You should not say that if you do not live together, then your union is doomed to parting. IN this case, you should not be sure that your man will not decide in favor of the second option.
2. If your man said that he is not yet ready to live together, you do not need to discuss his disagreement many times. The hope that his opinion will change is scanty. So if suddenly something changes, your chosen one will let you know.
3. Do not come up with an explanation for the actions of your chosen one. This is a very thankless task, of course, but not if you have the ability to read minds from a distance.
4. Be offended if a man asked to give him some time to think. This time will give you the opportunity to think whether you need to move in now or early.
5. Obsessing over the thought that if you move in together, your life will be perfect. It's unrealistic to predict. Our life gives us a lot of surprises, including unpleasant ones.

Where will you live together?

If the decision to live together has already been made, then you should think about where you will live. There are many options for resolving this issue:

• him. You need to make sure that the man really wants you to move, and not just wanted to please you. It is not necessary to redo everything in his apartment. It is better to ask him to give you a place for personal things.
• flat rent. This the best option to start a life together. You will be in the same position, and therefore you will have to worry together about which curtains to choose, which rugs and pillows will decorate the interior, etc.
• the man is moving in with you. Rearrange all the furniture together so that everyone has a place for privacy and things. You should not command, this is a joint activity. A man must feel that this is yours. common Home, and he is not just a temporary guest. Change the entry on the answering machine.

How not to lose yourself while living together?

Living together is a joyful event in the life of lovers, only after the grinding stage has passed, saturation with your soulmate appears. It is during this period that I want to meet my girlfriends, take a walk in the squares and parks, go shopping with my mother.

And, it would seem, the task is realistic, but then it turns out that your chosen one is against it. He does not want to let his beloved go anywhere. Sometimes, the situation develops in the opposite case - the girl is against the meetings of her man with his friends. So, life together ceases to bring joy. In order to prevent disappointment in living together with your soulmate, you should always remember that each person should have their own personal life and own interests.

Arrange to meet with best girlfriends, at the same time, when your man goes to meet his friends. The main rule - do not get carried away with separate walks on an ongoing basis, so that interest in each other does not disappear. Sometimes, it happens that a couple breaks up because one of them went on a spree in the company of his friends, and calm family life ceased to interest him.

Remember that the pledge cohabitation there will be the ability to find compromises with your chosen one, negotiating and avoiding scandals and misunderstandings.

Discuss the question of who will come to visit you. So that there are no problems in the future that you are tired and want to relax, and at home you will have 100 guests - your man's friends. And then his mother will operate, laying out the things of her little son, as her heart desires. All these questions may seem banal to you, but they require discussion.

Many of the couples are faced with the fact that the sexual component is changing. If some people think that sex will begin to fade, they will worry about how to let passion die out, then they are mistaken. After all, there is a mass simple ways keep the secret of inaccessibility, impregnating your rapprochement with passion, which is observed during romantic evenings.

Accept that conflict is inevitable

Romantic candy-bouquet period in a relationship logically leads to the fact that lovers begin to live together. And when you ended up in the same territory, pushed snowboards, mixers into the corners and determined the place for the “plasma”, ordinary life began.

It is at this stage that “they lived happily ever after” ends all beautiful stories love, but the most interesting begins: having occupied a common living space, you will slowly begin to find out who is responsible for leaking taps, clean floors, delicious dinners. And we still have to agree on where you celebrate the main holidays, how you spend your vacation, how you treat guests. And, if you already have children (people with children after a divorce also meet love and get married, yes) - who and when picks them up from kindergarten schools.

“To get used to means to create a family frame that is built from rituals, common habits, agreements and understanding of what is acceptable in your relationship and what is not,” explains psychologist Nadezhda Kuzmina and warns that on average this process can take about a year. This takes so long, partly because many couples may unconsciously resist changes in the lifestyle they are used to.

Resolve conflicts on your own

If in romantic relationship people try very hard to show themselves with better side, then, having settled in the same apartment, it becomes difficult for them to hide their shortcomings. It turns out that it is doubly pleasant to note that the partner is also imperfect: anyone can throw socks around the apartment, regardless of gender.

Quarrels and accusations begin. And not only for everyday occasions: it may suddenly turn out that he likes to spend a quiet weekend at home, and she wants to meet friends, go to nature or go to the movies.

Nadezhda Kuzmina shares her observation: “It’s quite difficult to calmly resolve conflicts and dot all i simple feature Russian mentality: people are too accustomed to seeking advice from relatives and friends, instead of discussing the problem with each other.

Not only can an outsider, in principle, not be able to give advice on how to solve your particular problem, constant complaints friends or relatives form an opinion on a partner that he is a terrible person, and your relationship consists only of scandals.

Therefore, the solution is simple: agree that your task as a couple is to learn and, if possible, adopt each other's habits without involving third parties.

Don't compete with each other

Living together is always a compromise. Mature partnerships, in fact, are built on the fact that two adults can agree. “In many couples there is competition, most often hidden, for the right to be considered “the head of the house”. But, being in a constant struggle for power, it is difficult to create comfortable, safe relationships,” Nadezhda Kuzmina believes.

What is this rivalry? In small details, words, deeds, the purpose of which is to belittle the partner, standing out against his background. Women can skillfully use reproaches for their partner’s inattention: “Well, how did you go for groceries, you forgot to buy milk! And the cleaner I asked for was powder, not liquid!” Men are no less insidious, they find sophisticated ways to hint at the mismanagement or insufficient femininity of their partner: “Mom made soup not just with meat, but with meatballs!”

It seems to many that they have already become so close, so they can safely tell each other "the whole truth." But closeness is about respect, support, understanding. And not about “hooray, finally you can no longer stand on ceremony”!

If you say to each other: “Next time, please buy milk” or “Cook for me somehow” - there will be much less reasons for quarrels.

Learn to ask

By the way, there is such a tradition - to remain silent about your desires, like a partisan under interrogation, and wait for the partner to guess and fulfill them. Yes, for some reason, many are so used to it. Maybe the reason for this is the Soviet past, when asking for something, especially for oneself, was considered selfishness and shamelessness. But what kind of shamelessness is it to say: “It is very important for me to get enough sleep on the weekend, could you not make noise until 10 in the morning”?

Those days are long gone. “It is important to be able to talk about what you expect from a partner. And even more important - to be able to cope with the fact that he can refuse this request, ”says Nadezhda Kuzmina. Although it is unlikely that a loved one will laugh at a request: fulfilling it is the easiest way to express your concern.

Save your habits

Creation of common family traditions and habits - in fact, there is the main goal of this complex process of getting used to each other. However, to get used does not mean to merge into one single whole.

If a beloved man is fond of football, this is not a reason to buy a cheerleader's jersey and watch matches together, if you are really sincerely perplexed at the sight of players running around the field. If the woman you love loves to dance, and you feel like a tree next to her, you better wish her to find a more talented partner.

Keeping your life separate from your partner, with your own interests and circle of friends, has a very good effect on relationships. And this also indicates that everyone in a couple has clearly defined boundaries that allow them to maintain their uniqueness, integrity. After all, we are loved for who we are.

Nadezhda Kuzmina

psychologist

And, most importantly, remember that life together consists of very, very simple things: cook food, wash dishes, go to the store together, put the children to bed. So the secret of long-term happiness, one might say, is to make these little things as comfortable as possible for each other.

In any couple, sooner or later the question of living together arises. First of all, this new stage relationship, which, with all its advantages, also bears a certain degree of responsibility both for the girl and for young man. At the first stages, without having the appropriate experience, a young couple may encounter difficulties that can always be overcome provided mutual love and respect. About how to live with a guy, on what principles it is better to build strong serious relationship Let's try to find out further.

Don't hide your fears

Living together can cause some concerns. Therefore, do not be ashamed of your fears and worries. Much of the anxiety about how to start living with a guy is due to the lack of a similar experience. There is always the possibility that living together will be a mistake. Talk frankly with your lover, because if your companion treats you with trepidation and care, your fears will by no means cause a quarrel or his offense. At the same time, discuss future life before minute details, giving Special attention questions that concern you. Below in the article are presented several basic principles of living together.

Prioritization

When talking about how to live together with a guy, you should first of all accept that your partner is an independent person with his own habits and characteristics.

Points to consider before moving on to the question of cohabiting with a guy:

• Your chosen one has every right to his opinion and free time;
• You should be more tolerant and restrained - show understanding towards your beloved;
• Do not get annoyed about every little thing - the guy has his own habits and characteristics;
• Any conflict situation can be decided at the negotiating table.

Having shown understanding for your soulmate, do not forget about your interests. To do this, from the very beginning, it is necessary to distribute conditional roles in a pair.

equal relations

Exactly on early stages living together, relationships are formed. This is very important point, on how you distribute the roles in a couple, and the further nature of your relationship will depend. In conditions modern society most optimal model relationship is equality. You should equally distribute household chores. This is true, since most modern girls and women work in the same rhythm as young people.

Many couples face the issue of living together with their parents.

How do you live with your boyfriend's parents?

Living together with the parents of a young person brings certain difficulties. Read on for tips to make life together with your boyfriend's in-laws a little easier:

1. It is worth making it a rule that hushing up problems is not a way out of the situation. If there is a conflict, feel free to discuss it and try to find a solution to the problem together.
2. Do not be rude to the parents of a young man, treat all family members with respect and understanding.
3. The joint life of a young couple and parents is not always a convenient phenomenon and, to be honest, not entirely pleasant. Discuss with your chosen one plans for moving to a separate “family nest” and ways to implement them, and then purposefully go towards your goal.

In our article -, you will find several valuable advice about how to form a strong union of two hearts.