Social support for large families. Non-ceremonial self-portrait of an imperfect large family

Currently, there is a steady decline in the proportion of large families in the population of Russia. This coincides with the trend towards small children and childlessness in general. No clear system social support large families. There is a negative and even negative attitude of society towards large families, especially with an increase in the serial number of births. A new pregnancy with more than two or three children in a family is regarded as something out of the ordinary, as a deviation from the general rules.

Large families at the beginning of the century made up the majority of the population of Russia. They were quite common in all strata of society from the poorest peasantry to the nobility. This was due to the traditions of the Russian people and Orthodox morality. The birth of children was not planned, it was perceived as a "gift of God", there were no contraceptives, abortions were not common. It was easier to survive in a large family. There has always been a stable positive attitude towards a large family in society.

Currently large family A family is considered to have three or more children. According to the 1989 population census, there were 2,311,000 families in Russia with three or more children under 18, that is, they accounted for one fifth (20.5%) of families with children. Most modern large families are urban families (52%). The share of rural families in the total number of families with many children is 48%, which is almost twice the share of rural families among other families. There are very few families with many children in large cities (Moscow, St. Petersburg).

There are 583,000 super-large families (4-5 or more children). They have become a rarity even in the countryside. The largest number of families with many children is among the families of workers (42.9%), the second place in terms of the number of families with many children is the families of employees.

The educational level of large families corresponds to the educational level of the rest of the population (24.5% of fathers, 25.6% of mothers have a higher education).

According to the 1994 microcensus, the share of large families fell from 5.7 (1989) to 5.2% and occupies an insignificant share in overall structure families. The proportion of incomplete families with three or more minor children is 0.5% of the total number of families. 1.9% of the total number of children under 18 live in such families.

The emergence of large families can be unplanned if, if you want to give birth to a second child, twins are born - an accidental large family.

1) conscious large families . In families where family or religious and national traditions are strong. A large family (consciously having many children) has, as a rule, strong family traditions, a clear internal structure, sufficiently strong protection, a traditionally respectful attitude towards elders. In such families, problems and conflicts are more easily resolved, parents do not have a lonely old age. The psychological atmosphere of the family is mutual understanding, the same vision of problems and ways to solve them by both spouses;

2) birth common child at remarriage father or mother if there are other children . This category of a large family has the beginnings of "incomplete" in the upbringing of children.

3) disadvantaged large families . Most often observed in parents leading an asocial lifestyle: alcoholics, unemployed, mentally handicapped, where children are often a means to obtain material and natural aid. In such families, parents have a low educational level and social status.

We have somehow become accustomed to the fact that a story about a family, especially a large one, is a ceremonial portrait (and sometimes a popular print), in which all the advantages are emphasized and the shortcomings are smoothed out. It must be full useful tips about the relationship of husband and wife and unsurpassed life hacks for raising miracle children - obedient, smart and talented in every way. For some reason, not a single expensive editorial office doubts that those with many children who have been mentioned in the press are creatures of another world sent to the sinful earth to correct everything wrong and improve everything bad. Successful business women, actresses and writers, and at the same time wonderful wives and loving mothers, who got oligarchs and businessmen who are not devoid of a creative vein as husbands - that's summary these wonderful stories.

I am not saying that we are being deceived. I perfectly understand where the legs grow from. We are presented with this fairy tale not because those with many children want to hide some terrible secret from the world and society. This happens because it is easier and more pleasant to remember the good things, and the bad things are quickly forgotten. And since there is more and more bad things in our sinful world, protective mechanisms work in an accelerated mode. I also find it difficult to recall certain events in my life. But today I will still try to reveal the whole truth. I offer you a story about your own family - honest and without embellishment. Well, just a little bit. But I promise to curb fantasy and imagination.

A quarter of a century in search of myself

So, our family will soon be 25. We are the same age as the collapse of the Union, or rather, our first-born: our pioneer was born exactly on December 2. And my husband and I are still Soviet children who have gone the banal path from an ordinary school to a university, which we graduated almost at the same time, but I managed to “distribute”, but my husband had to look for work on his own. It so happened that the beginning of family life coincided not only with the search for work and housing, but also with the youthful search for the meaning of life and truth. Therefore, we also found God together and gradually entered the thousand-year history of Russian Orthodoxy with our little Church.

On this path, the most global discoveries awaited us. The attitude towards children, towards women and men, towards the role of God and man in the family is very peculiar in Orthodoxy, especially in its Russian version. We learned with interest about the most simple and clear things such as “let the wife be afraid of her husband” and vigorously discussed this among ourselves and with friends - as young in every respect as we are. The discovery about Eve's guilt in the fall was especially offensive for the female half of our company. It always seemed to me that in any bad deed, both are to blame ...

Under the sign of love (or was it not a very skillful attempt to understand each other?) All our quarrels and showdowns took place. I can’t say that my husband and I fought so often, but it happened, and the less often, the more grandiose. Probably from ideal family everyone is waiting for confessions like “we never raised our voices at each other”, but our family is not perfect. We scream. Sometimes. Still. Once, in a fit of anger - and here only the prescription of events justifies me - I even broke a plastic cup on my husband's head. It's good that it was empty (not a head, but a cup, of course). I hope this recognition will not force anyone to repeat my feat. Because I'm not proud of it at all. I'm ashamed. But at that particular moment, I really felt better. And the husband, we must give him his due, passed this test with honor. Showed angelic patience and showed the real male character. And when I hear that a wife should always give in, humble herself and repent, for some reason I feel not very good. Because I know it's not true. In family life, both spouses periodically have to do this, otherwise nothing will come of it.

Obedience is not a burden, but a relief

It is impossible to be holy all the time. It is impossible not to make sudden movements. It is impossible to be perfect, even if you try very hard, even if you really want to. Yes, we are called to strive for excellence. But everyone in life has moments that are unpleasant and embarrassing to remember. It is these moments that change us, give us the opportunity to grow above ourselves. In a sense, our mistakes are better than our doing the right thing. Because mistakes are impossible not to notice, and a good deed looks just normal, ordinary, you won’t learn anything from it. And if at no time in your life have you allowed yourself to go beyond your usual behavior, you will not see your shortcomings. I remember someone compared our soul to a swamp: it is covered with green grass, in some places cranberries turn red on bumps - nonsense, but art O it stumbles, as a fetid slush rises from within and drags you to the depths. It is useful to stumble if you want to see, realize and fight with that same goo inside yourself.

When the husband takes full responsibility for the family, this is a wonderful state of serenity for the wife and mother.

Yes, “let the wife be afraid,” but not because she will get it on the forehead for it. If you do not get out of obedience to your husband, you will not be able to understand that obedience is not a burden, but a relief. When the husband takes full responsibility for the family and for what happens in it and with it, this is a wonderful state of serenity for the wife and mother. We, women, already carry an incredible amount of all sorts of worries, so why take care also of what so reasonably fell not on your shoulders? Therefore, I am sincerely glad that I am not the head of our family, that I am not the one who makes important decisions, I am not the one who resolves financial and other problems. And I listen to my husband with pleasure. And if sometimes I don’t listen, then the consequences are, as a rule, sad - everything will definitely go awry, no matter how wonderfully I come up with. I do not know why. But here is mine personal experience. Today I trust my husband. I obey him - in any case, I try, although sometimes I really want to do it my own way. We consult, we discuss everything, but we do not always come to a consensus, and one person must make a choice and put an end to it. And it's good when it's not me.

I am often told that I am very calm. It's not from nature. In fact, I am a southern and hot-tempered person. But life in a large family taught me not to pay attention to trifles, not to get hung up on the secondary, not to make a tragedy out of working moments. We have lived almost a quarter of a century together, and it doesn't always work out smoothly. Sometimes it doesn't work at all. Sometimes fatigue and irritation roll in, sometimes apathy and melancholy. Sometimes there is a real crisis love genre sometimes passion. There are days when everything falls apart. But everything can be experienced, except death. When I think about these words, I realize that this is the truth about us. A person can really experience a lot of terrible and rude, sad and terrible, disturbing and painful. Our whole life consists of periods of overcoming all sorts of troubles of various sizes.

Joy and love - anxiety and worry

We have six children, and each child brings not only additional joy and love, but also additional anxiety and worry. I would not like to admit it, but more than once I was on the verge of despair from grief, more than once I grumbled: “Why should I experience all this again, why exactly my child received burns of the 2nd and 3rd degrees and needs a skin transplant, why my little daughter has poisoning and dehydration, why did my son need to stitch up a penetrating wound, and the doctor refused, why is my daughter undergoing surgery after a complex fracture, and after her a whole “epidemic” of fractures broke out in the family? .. "And these black nights in the hospital, hateful dressings, gray-gray days and bleak, dull dawns when your child is sick? No mother can be an “iron felix” and never panic, cry, or want: let it not be with me, not with us! And - it would be better not to give birth!

In an ordinary family, a child caught a virus, got sick and forgot, but in our country, viruses settle seriously and for a long time

If we talk about diseases, then what have we not experienced on ourselves, including PEP, mononucleosis, Gilbert's syndrome and thyroiditis! .. A large family means big risks. In an ordinary family, the child caught the virus, got sick and forgot. And we have these same viruses settle seriously and for a long time. And do not tell me about the prevention of the healthy and the isolation of the sick. Of prevention, only hardening works, and even then until the first serious sore. And isolating a loving baby from his comrades is practically a task at the level of special services: he seeps into any gap, rushes into any room not covered by the virus. Because it is during the period of illness that he suddenly realizes how much he needs relatives and friends - those whom he did not give a damn about in an ordinary painless life.

Large families = poor and disadvantaged?

By the way, it's quite common occurrence: an ordinary non-star large family is still in the eyes of our society a dysfunctional, needy and poor family. You will be very surprised, but, in fact, we receive benefits not for large families, but depending on the degree of “poor income”, that is, every time the state needs to prove that, no matter how much dad earns, your family does not have enough.

This also applies to housing. It's not easy to get a free large apartment. Personally, we bought our three-ruble note. At a discounted price, like those with many children, but not for free: I had to sell my kopeck piece, purchased by "share participation", that is, paid by us (and our parents) during the construction of the house in installments. It's good that this money was enough. We were lucky, speaking secularly (I prefer to think that the Lord ruled this way): it was during this period that the prices for the purchase of housing rose, and we had a fixed cost new apartment. So the “price scissors” played into our hands. But by that time there were already four children, and I was waiting for the fifth. Treshka - this was again not a solution to the problem, but a slight delay. We no longer expected any benefits or assistance from the state.

Planning in our family is impossible

And as a result, we came to the conclusion that, with God's help, we can only hope for ourselves. "Don't trust in princes and in the sons of men." And as soon as this was decided, they began to build a large spacious house. There were already five children then. We immediately planned a separate room for each. And they missed again - soon another daughter was born. Then I clearly understood that it was impossible to plan in our family. Yes, and it is not necessary. No matter how hard we tried to predict the course of events in advance and insure ourselves, reality brought surprises and ruined all our wonderful plans. We survived and experienced all the delights of the 1990s, defaults and crises, and more than once. The husband took on everything, including soldering callers and installing intercoms, lost and found a job, but in reality big money It never happened. More precisely, incomes grew, but not as fast as ours. funny family. Interestingly, this did not cause discouragement or a desire to “stop breeding poverty.” This caused excitement and a desire to overcome difficulties together.

And then my husband and I decided that we need to live only for today and find joy in the little things. Let us not have the opportunity to wave the whole family to the Canary Islands, but we can go on weekends to nature. Beauty - you can find it everywhere. New impressions do not always depend on the amount of money invested in the event. Although the latter increase the possibilities, I do not argue here. But you can not build a family solely on wealth. Now older children remember the hungry and cold (in every sense) 1990s of their childhood as the happiest time: we traveled by bus to Arkhangelskoye and by metro to the Kremlin, we rode down the mountains on old heavy sleds and ironed landings on wooden skis, we burned fires in the nearest forest and lived in a real village. It wasn't just fun. It was wonderful O right!

Forever teenage riots

Large families - constant movement, growth and change

Having many children, in addition to everything else, is a constant movement, constant growth, constant change. And constant uncertainty, yes. Uncertainty in tomorrow. Just say to yourself: this is happiness! As soon as you try to stop the moment, everything changes, everything multiplies and divides, breaks up into parts and details. Everything seems to be repeated, but in different interiors and in a different composition. And it evokes a completely different feeling. Having many children confirms the thesis about the variability of this world, about the impossibility of entering the same river. Now my husband and I recall with nostalgia the insanely difficult, but also unusual great times when we were young, children are small and their trees are big. Now even the most younger son taller than me, and teenage riots "sausage" our family for the past ten (!) years almost continuously. In an ordinary family, this natural disaster is experienced acutely, but quickly. In our - "pleasure" drags on to obscene. I will not be original if I recall one old truth: do not expect gratitude from children, then you will not have to be disappointed and suffer. Whatever good parents Whatever you were, children will always find something to reproach you for. And that's okay. Remember yourself. Surely you, too, rebelled against parental authority, and at that moment it seemed to you the most fair. As one mother said: “I tried very hard to be perfect, but ... My son has something to tell the therapist!” Or maybe it's because she tried so hard?

IN adolescence It's really hard to please kids. Parents and teachers are the main enemies of a teenager. Sometimes it seems to us blasphemy, rudeness and betrayal of such behavior of a son (or daughter), but our children inexorably and decisively break out from under our care, from under our love, and sometimes they do it rather rudely and ruthlessly. Our love crushes their freedom, it strangles them in its arms. And we have no choice but to let go. But how do you not want your child to “plunge” into something unpleasant: fell under the influence of a dishonest manipulator, contacted bad company, heaped up unsightly cases. It seems to us that we can still influence the course of events, but this is an illusion. Everything you give to your child, he has already received. Now it's his turn and his choice.

About self pity

I really hope that all of them will return to us sooner or later, but at the very moment of the transition it does not seem so. At this moment, you think that you blundered something, made a mistake somewhere, missed something. In place of the departed child, such a terrible black hole gapes that you involuntarily think: why did all this happen? All these inevitable sacrifices, all this painful lack of sleep, all these pregnancies and births? Yes, yes, that's exactly what you think - in the most bitterness. And you understand that you are ready to call it black ingratitude, disgusting and something worse, but you can’t find strong enough words. So you raised this child and hoped that over time he would be your support and help, and he best case stays with you good relations and builds his own family. And at worst? He builds his family and does not remember you. And in the worst case, he remembers with an unkind word.

And all these quarter of a century, all your bright youth, you denied yourself something, you never belonged to yourself, you never experienced healing loneliness for a minute. You were on your guard all the time, ready to lend a shoulder in time, support, heal, teach and regret. To regret... It becomes a pity for myself, it is a pity to tears.

We are not ideal parents, but it was to us that the Lord handed these very children

But here's what I'll say - not in my own defense and not to console anyone. We are really not ideal parents, but it was to us that the Lord handed these very children, it is we who are for them those parents who can give them the necessary portion of love and freedom. Releasing in independent life two older ones, I already have the right to say this. And if you, like me sometimes, it seems that you didn’t give something to your child, then most likely you gave him too much, which is why he wants more and more.

Today I am sure of only one thing: we can give our children exactly as much as we have. We cannot provide each of the six with a lot of money, but we can help them find their place in life. We cannot give everyone all our love, but only the portion that remains for him, if divided among all. Yes, this is not so much at first glance, but it must be taken into account that in large families the same simple law applies as in small ones: the given love is multiplied, and if everyone multiplies his portion by at least two and passes it to his neighbor, then the result can impress the most dull mathematician skeptic.

We have nothing to be proud of. I do not like to hear: what good fellows you are, that you have given birth to so many children. But I do not like to hear the opposite: why gave birth? This is such a personal matter that it is completely independent of either the approval or the condemnation of others. As my mother joked in the famous film about large families “Cheaper in Wholesale”: “After the sixth, we just accelerated!”

Yes, we have six children. Because we liked it, because we wanted it, because for us it was a complete family life. I have no rational explanation. I have no recipes: how to want or not want. I think that at the moment of conception, two are included in some kind of heavenly program, which is responsible for the consequences. I don't lay my burden on the shoulders of heaven. I'm talking about what's in it delicate matter we are creators, co-workers with God. And here everything depends not so much on material security, but on boldness and pressure. And out of love, of course.

And if this self-portrait lacks colors and details, then I leave you the opportunity to finish it. But let it still not be perfect, let it be vital - with all the failures, failures, doubts and mistakes. But let there still be truth in it: the joy of new lives, trust in God, sensitivity, forgiveness and love. Because all this is in our life, and because we are grateful to each other for our life and would not want another for ourselves.

The family is one of the systems of human social functioning, the most important social institution society, which is changing under the influence of socio-economic and internal processes.

This is small social group connected by marriage or family relationships, common life ( Cohabitation and maintaining household), emotional intimacy, mutual rights and obligations in relation to each other.

The family very quickly and sensitively reacts to all positive and negative changes taking place in society, revealing the humane and inhumane meaning of the processes taking place in society, evaluating the processes that destroy and create for the family. As a society, the family was created, modified and developed along with it, and in turn can influence the course of its development.

1. Large families

Currently, there is a steady decline in the proportion of large families in the population of Russia. This coincides with the trend towards small children and childlessness in general. There is no clear system of social support for large families. There is a negative and even negative attitude of society towards large families, especially with an increase in the serial number of births. New pregnancy more than two or three children in a family is regarded as something out of the ordinary, as a deviation from the general rules.

Large families at the beginning of the century made up the majority of the population of Russia. They were quite common in all strata of society from the poorest peasantry to the nobility. This was due to the traditions of the Russian people and Orthodox morality. The birth of children was not planned, it was perceived as a "gift of God", there were no contraceptives, abortions were not common. It was easier to survive in a large family. There has always been a stable positive attitude towards a large family in society.

Currently, a large family is considered a family with 3 or more children.

1. Conscious having many children.

In families where family or religious and national traditions are strong.

2. The birth of a common child in the remarriage of the father or mother in the presence of other children. This category of a large family has the beginnings of "incomplete" in the upbringing of children.

A large family (consciously having many children) has, as a rule, strong family traditions, a clear internal structure, fairly strong protection, and a traditionally respectful attitude towards elders. In such families, problems and conflicts are more easily resolved, parents do not have a lonely old age.

The psychological atmosphere of the family is mutual understanding, the same vision of problems and ways to solve them by both spouses.

3. Unfavorable families with many children.

Most often observed in parents leading an asocial lifestyle: alcoholics, unemployed, mentally handicapped, where children are often a means to receive material and in-kind assistance.

In such families, parents have a lower educational level and social status.

3. Problems of large families

Material and household (financial) problems. Families with many children are the least well off, with a low average monthly income per family member, which leads to an increase in the cost of food, clothing, etc. In the structure of income, child allowances are small, although they add to family budget. The share of spending on food products is higher, and the dietary pattern is less diverse. Such families receive less fruit, berries, meat, eggs, fish, etc., and the lack of basic food is of great concern.

Due to the constant rise in prices, there are extremely limited opportunities meet needs, shortages in the most necessary items: shoes, clothes, school supplies. Rare natural and material aid does not solve the problem.

The budget of such families does not have funds for education, cultural and sports development of children, musical and artistic education, and even for summer rest. In every fifth family, children do not attend kindergartens due to lack of money to pay.

Parents' employment problem. When the mother does not work and the father does not receive long time salary, irregular and inadequate child allowances, there is a problem of finding new work. Often this is exacerbated by ignorance of the laws and information about the benefits that are due to such families.

Dynamics of the number of unemployed registered with the employment service in the Russian Federation (thousand people) - parents with many children in 1991 - 1.2; in 1996 - 107.4. A family with three minor children (according to the laboratory of the Research Institute of the Ministry of Labor and social development Russian Federation) with both working parents receiving a salary at the average level, it turns out to be below the poverty line, in 1996 about 76%.

The dependent burden on the family has changed the structure of its income. A large place was occupied by income from entrepreneurial activities, sales of agricultural products, as well as social transfers, which indicates a decrease in the economic activity of large families.

Survival of a large family in modern conditions possibly by increasing their own income (personal initiative, secondary earnings, work of teenagers). In almost 50% of such families, the work of teenagers brings income to the family, but this is fraught with a violation of labor, civil legislation, the dangerous influence of the "criminal world" and the rejection of a number of needs, which is an unaffordable luxury in modern conditions.

housing problem, always acute in our country, especially for large families, has now acquired paramount importance. Living conditions do not meet the standards and cannot be improved by public housing. In addition, the scale of housing construction is declining, the acquisition of housing at the expense of own funds not enough for most families.

The payment for housing and communal services is increasing. If this problem is not systematically addressed, it may become one of the factors of increasing social tension in society.

Psychological and pedagogical problems. In a traditional large family, children are in an equal position: there is no lack of communication, the elders take care of the younger ones, and, as a rule, positive attitudes are formed. moral qualities such as sensitivity, humanity, respect for elders.

But due to the heavy workload of parents (the father works a lot, is practically never at home, the mother does not work, but is busy with household chores), there is little time left for raising children, and yet in such families it is possible to determine the internal hierarchy of relationships.

Problems of distribution of duties are built according to gender and age, individual, therefore different in volume and complexity. The head of the family is the father; household chores - on the mother, the keeper of the hearth, the organizer of household chores. Lack of time, lack of knowledge on the upbringing of children create a certain problem in such families. Lack of education leads to the fact that children grow up with low self-esteem: anxiety, self-doubt, inadequate idea of their own personality; older children seek leadership.

A small opportunity to satisfy one's needs (for clothes, entertainment, goods, etc. that peers have) develops a feeling of envy, a demand for the impossible.

The majority of children in large families leads to a decrease social age older children. They mature early and are less closely bonded to their parents.

As a rule, in such families there is no respect for the personality of each child, there is no personal corner, their own small territory with respect for boundaries, personal favorite toys, that is, the autonomy of each, and often leads to protracted long-term conflicts between children.

Conflicts often also arise because of the poor performance of children at school, hence the frequent absences from classes; teenagers usually get involved early in household chores and often drop out of school.

School is not attended not only by adolescents aged 15-18, but there are also cases of non-attendance of school by children aged 7-14; start working early, are more likely to acquire bad habits(smoking, alcohol) and other "deviants" of behavior.

Such families have a difficult psychological climate: an underestimated level of mutual understanding with parents and, at the same time, an increased need for parental support.

Large families, especially incomplete families, are more neglected by children. Children spend most of their time outdoors. There is a problem of communication of both adult family members and children, especially adolescents. This complicates the process of socialization and interferes with later life.

Families with many children note discomfort with work colleagues, are often deprived of a friendly attitude in a professional environment; with relatives, more often a husband, who do not approve of the fact of having many children, especially in modern conditions; negative attitude peers are felt by children from large families - difficulties in communicating with other children, a mismatch of interests, etc.

Families with many children prefer to create their own social circle. Little time is devoted to organizing joint leisure activities.

medical problems. A difficult psychological climate, as a rule, affects the health of children. Problem children in such families are 10-15%.

The development of children in large families needs the priority attention of society .

So, the "external" assessment of a large family is widespread everywhere, as a problem family, in fact, socially disadvantaged.

Growing up in a large family

In some large families, there is neglect of children who spend a lot of time outside the home. As a result, there are problems in mutual understanding between adults and their children.

In some large families there are psychological problems in the process of raising children. There is a lack of communication, the elders do not take care of the younger ones, there is no mutual respect and humanity towards each other.

Practice shows that the majority of parents who have five or more children are not sufficiently knowledgeable and illiterate in matters of children's upbringing.

The problems of children from large families lie in the fact that they grow up more withdrawn and insecure, have low self-esteem. Adult children leave their parents and in most cases lose contact with them.

Irresponsibility and negligence of parents

These qualities, inherent in parents from large families, lead to the fact that children, often abandoned to the mercy of fate, are left unattended, walking on the street on their own (parents do not control in which company the child is). Due to the negligent attitude of parents to such situations, problems arise in the behavior of children, which may be followed by injuries, unforeseen situations, hooligan antics or the use of alcoholic beverages.

Children from large families in some cases are afraid of their parents, looking for relationships outside the home (they run away from home, end up in groups where disadvantaged children gather and with various deviations in behavior). But adults need to remember that children and the street are incompatible concepts. Parents are responsible for their children always and everywhere. The issue of planning and creating a family, raising not one or two, but more children, should be taken seriously and balanced.

Consequences for the child of the lack of attention of parents

In many large families dysfunctional families children with early age growing up without the attention and care they need. Children's needs are partially met. Often children are left unattended and not fed, any disease is diagnosed and treated late. From this follow the problems of children with health in later life.

Children in such families feel a lack of emotional warmth and attention. Education takes place in the form of punishment and in many cases the assault of adults is used, which gives rise to anger and hatred in the child. The child feels unloved, weak and bad. These feelings do not leave him for a long time. An insecure child prone to resentment grows up to be an aggressive and conflict person.

Often there are large families where one of the parents or both abuse alcohol. Children who grow up in such an environment often suffer from physical and emotional abuse or become witnesses of such situations. They are easily offended and offend others, are not able to sympathize with other people's grief and troubles.

To avoid problems in raising children, parents should not build their relationship with the child from a position of strength - this destroys trust in adults and does not contribute to stable relationships in the family.

To avoid problems with children from large families, parents should show respect, patience for children's feelings and actions, spend most of their free time with children and families. The main task parents is to educate children and create family relationships in such a way as to ensure full development personality. This is the path to the stability of the child and the stability of the family.

A problem child who grew up in a large family is a problem not only for the family, but for the whole society.

The problems of children from a large family today must be addressed at the level of the family, school, state.

Disadvantaged large families.

Conscious parenthood.

In families where family or religious and national traditions are strong.

2. The birth of a common child in the remarriage of the father or mother with other children. This category of a large family has the beginnings of "incomplete" in the upbringing of children.

A large family (consciously having many children) has, as a rule, strong family traditions, a clear internal structure, fairly strong protection, and a traditionally respectful attitude towards elders. In such families, problems are easier to solve And conflicts, parents do not have a lonely old age.

The psychological atmosphere of the family is mutual understanding, the same vision of problems and ways to solve them by both spouses.

Most often observed in parents who lead an asocial lifestyle: alcoholics, unemployed, mentally handicapped, where children are often a means to receive material and in-kind assistance. In such families, parents have a lower educational level and social status.

Material and household (financial) problems. Families with many children are the least well-off, with a low average monthly income per family member, which leads to an increase in the cost of food, clothing, etc. In the income structure, child allowances are small, although they add to the family budget. The share of spending on food products is higher, and the dietary pattern is less diverse. Such families receive less fruit, berries, meat, eggs, fish, etc., and the lack of basic food is of great concern.

In connection with the constant rise in prices, there are extremely limited opportunities to satisfy needs, a shortage in the most necessary items: shoes, clothes, school supplies. Rare natural and material assistance does not solve the problem.

The budget of such families does not have funds for education, cultural and sports development of children, musical and artistic education, and even for summer holidays. In every fifth family, children do not attend kindergartens due to lack of money to pay.

The problem of parental employment. When the mother does not work, and the father does not receive a salary for a long time, child allowances are irregular and insufficient, the problem of finding a new job arises. Often this is exacerbated by ignorance of the laws and information about the benefits that are due to such families.

The dynamics of the number of unemployed registered with the employment service in the Russian Federation (thousand people) - parents with many children in 1991 - 1.2; in 1996 - 107.4. A family with three minor children (according to the laboratory of the Research Institute of the Ministry of Labor and Social Development of the Russian Federation) with both working parents who receive salaries at the average level, is below the poverty line, in 1996 about 76%.

The survival of a large family in modern conditions is possible by increasing their own income (personal initiative, secondary earnings, work of teenagers). In almost 50% of such families, the work of teenagers brings income to the family, but this is fraught with a violation of labor, civil legislation, the dangerous influence of the "criminal world" and the rejection of a number of needs, which is an unaffordable luxury in modern conditions.

housing problem, always acute in our country, especially for large families, has now acquired paramount importance. Housing conditions do not meet the standards and cannot be improved by public housing. In addition, the scale of housing construction is declining, the purchase of housing at their own expense is not enough for most families.

The payment for housing and communal services is increasing. If this problem is not systematically addressed, it may become one of the factors of increasing social tension in society.

Psychological and pedagogical problems. In a traditional large family, children are in an equal position: there is no lack of communication, the elders take care of the younger ones, and, as a rule, positive moral qualities are formed, such as sensitivity, humanity, respect for the elders.

Problems of distribution of duties are built on the basis of age and gender, individual, therefore, different in volume and complexity. The head of the family is the father; household chores - on the mother, the keeper of the hearth, the organizer of household chores. Lack of time, lack of knowledge on the upbringing of children create a certain problem in such families. Lack of education leads to the fact that children grow up with low self-esteem: anxiety, self-doubt, inadequate idea of their own personality; older children seek leadership.

A small opportunity to satisfy one's needs (for clothes, entertainment, goods, etc. that peers have) develops a feeling of envy, a demand for the impossible.

The majority of children in large families leads to a decrease in the social age of older children. They mature early and are less closely bonded to their parents.

There are data on the incidence of children depending on the serial number of the child's birth - the probability of the influence of prenatal factors, starting from the 4th child, the overall incidence becomes higher. Children of the first 3 orders of birth more long term are breastfed, but the regimen and quality of nutrition suffer. In the structure of children's morbidity, respiratory diseases (ARVI) are in the 1st place, malnutrition and metabolism are in the 2nd place, diseases are in the 3rd place. nervous system, organs of vision.

There is a high level of disease of the central nervous system in children of high birth orders: delayed neuropsychic development, varying degrees of mental retardation, neurosis. Adolescents are below average in health.