Advice for parents on raising children. Raising children is a delicate matter: rules, tips
For those who want to know how to properly raise a child, psychologists recommend paying attention to the following points.
In order for the child to grow and develop correctly, parents need to create favorable conditions for this. Let's clarify what we are talking about.
- For proper development The child needs the love and care of the parents. When he does not feel them, the ground is created for the emergence a large number problems. It's about not only about deviations in behavior. It is quite possible that there will be health problems.
- Sometimes it happens that parents love a child, but he does not feel it. Therefore, show your children your love: tell them about your feelings, hug and kiss them, show your love in other ways.
- The child must feel that the love of the parents is unconditional. This means that mom and dad will love him no matter what. No matter what misconduct the child commits, no matter what situation he finds himself in, his parents will never stop loving him, they will always come to the rescue.
- Love and accept the child as he is, with all his shortcomings: full, inattentive, hyperactive, etc. Some parents begin to adjust the child to their ideal. And if that doesn't work, they get frustrated. The child feels your disapproval, feels that they do not believe in him, that he did not live up to expectations. His self-esteem suffers from this, which, again, often leads to problems.
- Support your child when needed. Both the baby and the teenager should feel that in a difficult situation they have someone to turn to for help and advice, that they will not be alone with their misfortune. The child should feel safe, under the protection of parents.
- Do not scare your child with scary stories. For example, if you tell a child that in case of bad behavior, Baba Yaga will come and drag him into the forest, then the child understands this as follows: firstly, a terrible old woman can enter the apartment at any moment, and secondly, parents will allow Baba Yaga to drag him into their lair. So, you can’t trust your parents, they won’t protect you. The child no longer feels safe.
- Take an interest in the child's life. Talk to him on different topics, and not just those that are of interest to you. Spend more time together, doing mutually enjoyable things. Joint leisure filled with pleasant emotions, promotes the emergence of friendly communication between parents and children.
- Respect the child. Respectfully listen to his opinion on this or that issue, do not dismiss him (“it’s still not enough for me to advise”, “don’t be smart”). Praise your child for even small achievements and successes. And then some parents live according to the principle “you won’t wait for praise, but scolding is always welcome.” How can a child develop good self-esteem under such conditions? Do not offend the child with unfair words and deeds. Don't apply to him. physical strength. Don't yell at him.
- If you want to teach a child something, then take into service such a feature of attention: what we are interested in is remembered by itself, without effort. You do not have to hammer the necessary knowledge and skills into the child if you make your activities interesting for the baby.
- Don't overuse notations. They are boring and uninteresting to the child. Better show good example. Children take as a model the behavior of their parents. For example, a son will represent a man's life the way his father's life works. If dad is lying on the couch after work, does nothing around the house, returns home tipsy from time to time, then the child will consider this behavior to be the norm and, most likely, will behave the same way in the future.
- Engage in self-education in the field of child psychology, for example, read literature for parents written for them by psychologists. Then you will not only notice and correct your mistakes in time, but also, for the future, familiarize yourself with the list possible problems and you will know in advance how to solve them. I recommend reading books for parents written by psychologist Ekaterina Murashova. They are easy to read and interesting, contain a lot of useful information. If you are facing difficulties in raising a child, then, most likely, it is in these books that you will find answers to your questions. The author describes the most frequent problems with which parents turn to psychologists, and gives recommendations on how to overcome them. Ekaterina Murashova also writes books for children.
- In difficult situations, and also in cases where one’s knowledge is not enough, one should contact the appropriate specialist: a psychologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist, neuropsychiatrist, etc. A psychologist is understandable, but what do doctors have to do with it? Despite the fact that problems in the behavior of the child are sometimes symptoms of mental and neurological diseases. It happens that parents delay a visit to the doctor because of their fears and concerns. It is not right. The disease will not resolve itself, but it can get worse. In any case, the enemy (in this case disease) you need to know in person. How earlier child get expert help, the better.
Every parent should be aware of the extent of their responsibility in the important matter of raising children. You need to communicate with the child carefully, since every word and action of the parent matters. They can not only negatively affect the development of the child today, but also have backfire in the future, in adulthood.
There are some differences in the upbringing of sons and daughters. If the topic interests you, read the article. Moms should also read. Although the article was written for dads, moms can also use many tips.
If you need a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist, then you are here.
Comments
Marinka:
Hello. I have two daughters over 11 years old, the youngest 7 years old often litters. the older one does not yield. sometimes they raise their hands to each other. both come up to the stone and start placting. Older not to love will share and capricious.
Margarita (paid consultation):
Hello. I am 21 years old. Daughters 2 . I feel like an inexperienced stupid mom. I constantly listen to other people's advice, but I am afraid to apply them in practice. IN Lately I feel like I'm losing control of my baby. My daughter manipulates me, does not obey. I am constantly confused and tired. Tell me what to do?
Nata:
Hello! Please help us. My sister is 13 years old. uncontrollable becomes, lies, is rude to both me and my parents. contacted a bad company from the class, what to do? stop talking? but then she would be a recluse in the class, and it was scary to allow, you didn’t know what to expect. She began to lie, they go to all kinds of construction sites, climb the towers, and she tells us that they are walking with girls in the park. (learned from her correspondence on the Internet). what about the internet? It seems to me that all the aggression is because of the Internet. Again, it’s a pity to forbid, I don’t want her to be worse than others, to feel deprived. but mine is nothing good from this Internet. And one more question, our dad is very strict and doesn’t know anything about her tricks, it’s just scary for us to tell him somehow. We protect her, we don’t tell.
Aika (paid consultation):
hello, I recently showed my child pictures of beggars and bobs and commented that if he doesn’t study, he will be like that, in order to live well, he needs to study well for 8 years. Now I'm wondering if I did the right thing
Elena Lostkova:
Hello Aika. It is good that you felt doubts about the correctness of your actions in this situation. Many parents don't even think about it. The fact is that parents are significant adults for the child. It means he believes everything they say. The words and actions of the parents are deposited in his subconscious. Therefore, we can say that parents program the future of their child. Can you imagine what a terrible future you have painted for him? And it is possible that he feels the hopelessness of the situation. Many children would like to study better, but do not know how to do it. This is simple for adults: you need to put pressure on your studies and the problem will be solved. And for a child, the situation may seem hopeless. Wants to study better, but for some reason can't. You need to talk to the child (heart to heart, in a good way, in a friendly way) and try to find out the reason for poor academic performance (or unwillingness to study). May not get along with the teacher or with peers. Or is there some other reason. Problems need to be identified and HELP the child solve them (for example, hire a tutor, study with the child herself, etc.) During a conversation with the child, offer him your help, say that if he has problems of any nature, he should turn to you. That you will always try to help him solve any problem. It seems to us that there is no need to talk about this, it goes without saying. In fact, children very often do not tell their parents about their problems. And they cannot solve them on their own, since some of them are too tough even for adults. I also want to say about the future that we draw in front of our children. It is impossible to create such an image of him. All people do only what is “needed”, what is “right”. And what is interesting, what you want, you can’t do (such people find themselves on the sidelines of life). All “normal” people don’t want to, but through “don’t want to” go to school; at the institute they master not the specialty that they want, but the one that “needs”; they do not work at the job that is interesting, but at the one that they do not like, but which brings money. And the child is given the opportunity to choose only from these two options for action: “right” and “wrong”. I want to hang myself from the “correct” one. And "wrong" leads to collapse. Tough choice, right? Would a child want to live such a life? Do you know how it can end if you put a child in front of such a choice? Feelings of hopelessness, indifference to one's future, alcoholism, drug addiction, depression, suicide, which can overtake a child, maybe not right now, but in adolescence or already in adulthood. After all, we drag many problems from childhood with us into adulthood. Try to paint in front of the child a different picture of the future: a more attractive one. Tell him that in life it is not only possible, but also necessary to do what you like, what is interesting. We must try to live in such a way as to enjoy life, to fulfill our desires, to realize our plans. It is clear that it does not always work out the way you want, but you should not give up those opportunities to please yourself that you have. Need to live full life, and not clamp yourself from all sides in a vise. Tell your child how other people have adapted to the circumstances. For example, in a job situation. Which job is better to choose: unloved and uninteresting, but money? or interesting and beloved, but penniless? There is no correct answer to this question at all. Each person makes a choice for himself. He chooses what the soul lies more in, what he himself considers more correct for himself. One will prefer an unloved job in order to earn good money and spend it on his favorite hobbies (travelling, fishing, etc.). Another will choose a favorite job, even if it means living from hand to mouth. And the third one generally manages to combine business with pleasure: he will choose a job that is both interesting and profitable at the same time. The main thing is that a person understands that he has such a choice. That everything depends on him. Teach your child to enjoy life. Find out from him what he would like to do, what he has a soul for. And write it down in the appropriate section, circle, studio, etc. And even if it seems to you that this lesson does not match his gender, do not show him your doubts, support him in all his undertakings and hobbies: if he wants, let him learn to embroider, knit, cook, etc. It is even cooler when parents show their child how to live right by their example. For example, my mother works as a manager, but she always wanted to take up dancing. Mom enrolls in a dance studio, attends classes, enjoys them, and when she comes home, she tells everyone about her impressions. The child sees the model of the mother's behavior and tries to imitate her. He learns from childhood: if you like something and it is interesting, then go and do it; dream, make plans and achieve your dreams. By the way, those people who love it achieve more success in work. Because it is interesting to them, because they are ready to deal with it day and night. A few more words about the effect that a loved one can have and interesting activity in a child's life. There are no guarantees, of course, but there is a connection. The child begins to do what he loves, as a result, his self-esteem grows. The latter leads to the fact that he begins to study better at school and the attitude of his peers towards him changes in better side. Something like that. Good luck to you!
Elena Lostkova:
Hello Olga. Stuttering is a tricky thing. No need to try to cure it yourself. These problems are solved by three specialists: pediatric neurologist(neuropathologist), psychologist and speech therapist. All of them are important. It is advisable to consult with each of them. The speech therapist is directly involved in speech. He conducts classes with the child, during which the baby performs specially selected exercises for him. The psychologist works with psychological reasons occurrence of stuttering. Perhaps there was a fear, perhaps the parents are doing something wrong in terms of education, etc. This is exactly what this specialist should find out, and then he will work with a specific problem. The third specialist is a pediatric neurologist. Stuttering can be caused not only by psychological reasons, but also by malfunctions on the part of nervous system. A neurologist is a doctor. If required, he can connect drug therapy, can give a referral to the department of pathology of speech in a hospital. It is the pediatric neurologist who should lead the process of treatment for stuttering. And the psychologist and speech therapist should help him with this (solve specific problems in accordance with his profile). If you want to learn more about the problem, then here are two links for you. Article on stuttering:
Elena (paid consultation):
Hello! I read articles on your site and listened to videos about unloved children. Scary... Because I have a daughter, 15 years old. For ten years from 4 to 14 she was brought up with a nanny. Now I began to feel how far my husband and I are from her, and she from us. Misunderstandings and mutual recriminations happen more often than it could be. How to overcome this abyss that grows between us every day? Maybe it's not too late.
Elena Lostkova:
Hello, Elena. Yes, your situation is difficult. But it's never too late to change something. Give her your love, attention and respect at least now. Let her absorb them as much as she can. Let your communication with your daughter be as few negative moments as possible and as many positive as possible. Talk to your daughter about topics that are interesting to her (but do not violate the boundaries set by her, do not go where she does not want to let you in). Support her when she needs it (for example, had a fight with a friend, is afraid of exams, etc.). Parental support is very important for any child. Without this support, he does not feel secure. Praise her for small and big accomplishments (don't ignore them like you should). Praise sometimes and just like that (“what are you beautiful girl!" etc.). This is necessary in order for the child to form a normal self-esteem. Make comments carefully, very correctly, so that your daughter feels that you want to help her, and not humiliate her, insult her or show your power over her. As for the daughter's duties, try not to force her, but convince her of the need to do as it should. In case of some daughter's failures, do not use phrases like “I told you, but you did it your way!”. This is perceived by the child as gloating and once again makes him doubt your love for him. Let communication with you for the most part give your daughter pleasure, and not cause negativity. Go to the movies together, go shopping, etc. Focus on activities that your daughter is interested in. As far as possible, communicate with your daughter in a friendly way, like a friend with a friend. Chat with her about pleasant trifles (about a movie you just watched together, about shopping together, etc.). Treat her tastes, hobbies, views, thoughts, etc. with respect and interest. Ask her opinion on various issues. Let the daughter not have the feeling “mom is always unhappy with me, no matter what I do.” Let her have the feeling “mom loves and accepts me for who I am”, “mom will always support and help, no matter what I do.” Someday, when you talk heart to heart with your daughter, tell her how much you regret that you paid little attention to her before. Be prepared for the fact that the daughter will throw out her grievances on you. It is possible that this will be unpleasant for you. Listen to all her claims, without betraying your dissatisfaction. Where necessary, admit you are wrong. Where necessary, explain your point of view on some claims (for example, did not come to school play, because they didn’t let me go at work, I myself was very upset by this, I would definitely come if I could, etc.). In winning your daughter's love, use small pleasant trifles. For example, sweets and the like, about which you can say "a trifle, but nice." When she is sick, pay more attention to her (tea with raspberries, effervescent bags for colds, again, sweets, etc.). Illness is a good time to demonstrate your concern not in words, but in deeds. And of course, as in childhood, take pity and caress your child. Conclusion: in communicating with your daughter, strive for a maximum of positive and a minimum of negativity.
Elena Lostkova:
Hello Tatiana. I apologize in advance if I misunderstood your situation or your question. I answer the way I understand.
First, you need to honestly admit to yourself that the character of the child is largely the result of your upbringing. Difficult children and teenagers are mostly children who have not received enough love and attention from their parents. They feel defenseless, useless and uninteresting. But outwardly they do not betray their vulnerability. On the contrary, they learn to defend themselves, to repulse aggressors (including parents). In all areas where the parents did not educate, the child “plugged the hole” with what was. Hence all sorts of distortions in behavior. In addition, when there is a problem of dislike, it all starts with the parents. First, they reject the child, then the child begins to push them away (up to a complete break in the relationship). The child may not realize the reasons why he treats his parents this way. But subconsciously, he takes revenge on them for the fact that they once rejected him.
Secondly, in normal communication, people do not tend to offend each other (except occasionally). If a child is regularly rude to you and dissuades you, it means that not everything is going well with your communication. Remember how you communicate with the people you want to produce good impression with which you want to save good communication(for example, with a friend). You choose words so as not to inadvertently offend, use a friendly intonation, choose interesting to the interlocutor Topics. Unfortunately, many parents communicate with children as if they were not the most the best bosses with subordinates. Such communication is not conducive to a good relationship. Build your relationship with children on a friendly wave. Give them enough of your love and attention. When choosing joint entertainment and topics for conversation focus on the interests of children. Be your child's friend. This parenting strategy has many advantages. A parent-friend is not rude, his opinion is listened to. If a child offended you with something, you just need to explain to him that his words or actions offend you greatly. And the child will listen to your words. After all, he himself strives to maintain good communication. Good luck to you!
Christina :
Hello, my second baby girl is 1.9 months old; she doesn’t speak, although she understands everything, she only says ten words, constant tantrums, I don’t know what to do, maybe she has such a character and it outgrows, or it will be even worse. Until a year old, she was very calm, now she’s not afraid of anything, it’s very difficult to explain something to her, we have a lot of developing toys, I try to do it, but she’s almost not interested in anything, will it pass or are we having problems? The eldest daughter is a year older, on the contrary, she is interested in absolutely everything, she is very well developed at her three years old, she knows a lot. I'm worried about my little one...
Olga (paid consultation):
Hello! My daughter is 3 years old. I have the same problem and don't know what to do? It's been 6 months since my baby has been stuttering. And before that, she spoke clearly and clearly. She took her to her grannies, treated her, and shed her fear. But the stuttering never went away. He sings songs, reads poems cleanly, but when he starts talking to me, he starts to stutter something. He throws tantrums at me all the time. Until he gets his way, he won't settle down. What do you advise?
I always have at least four parenting books on my Amazon shopping list, a few more on my nightstand, and Email filled with useful links and notes about different pedagogical theories and approaches.
Of course, in my case, all this is necessary for work, but many of my familiar parents are prone to the same disease - in our age of an abundance of information and often conflicting ideas about proper upbringing children, it is easy to get confused and lose focus.
In my 12 years as a couples therapist, I have often seen well-intentioned parents adopt parenting strategies that are completely inappropriate for their children's emotional or developmental needs. At the same time, I am happy to note that more and more parents are successfully groping their way healthy parenting children.
The conclusions presented here are the fruit of experience and knowledge accumulated over for a long time, they are based on modern research about methods of education that contribute to the healthy development of children.
No. 1. Children act like children, accept it.
For some reason, parents often forget that the way their child learns the world is winding and thorny at first. Through mistakes. Through immature actions. "Magic" begins when it comes into play good teacher and helps the child to go the right way. We get frustrated, impatient, irritable and rude, and these are just stages in the development of our children.
The part of the brain responsible for rational thinking, logic and self-control is fully formed by the age of 20. Immature behavior is normal for an immature person with an immature brain. This is just a scientific fact - we just realize it, be patient and help our children go through the difficult path of growing up.
#2: Set boundaries based on respect, not criticism.
Since our children literally learn everything about the world from us, setting boundaries is indispensable. Without them, children will feel anxious and restless.
You can set boundaries using criticism and shame, or you can set boundaries in a firm but respectful way. Consider how you would prefer to be spoken to at work and act accordingly.
No. 3. Study the features of the stages of development of the child.
Surely you happened to wonder where your cheerful and obedient kid went when you brought him to the kindergarten, and he suddenly started yelling like a cut. Hello separation anxiety child's anxiety arising from separation from a close adult- approx. ed.)!
And such quite normal, quite healthy examples child behavior in the period of growing up - literally hundreds. Knowing this, you will not consider your child's behavior strange and will be able to respond to it correctly and sympathetically.
#4 Consider your child's temperament and personality.
It seems like a trite thing, but if we are aware of exactly what unique features our child has and accept it, we will be able to understand in time when he needs help and support, and in what conditions he can flourish.
If you know your child's “fads”, it will be much easier for you to navigate in different areas of his life and help him manage various affairs and situations. For example, you can define best time and a place to do homework or understand why your daughter, having gone to summer camp wants to go home tomorrow.
#5 Give your child time to play freely.
While playing, children learn everything in the world and develop all the skills they need. This means that you need to give your child time every day for free, without adult intervention, games with other children.
#6: Know when to speak and when to listen.
Children are great at coping with problems, if only we let them. We, on the other hand, madly adore them and want them to succeed, and therefore it is quite difficult for us not to interfere and not solve problems for them, while lecturing them on how to do it right.
If parents often take a break and do not interfere, they will simply be shocked at how successfully their children themselves find a way out of difficult situations. Listening is a powerful therapeutic effect, allowing us to get to the bottom of it and find the right solution.
Children want and need to be heard and understood. Like all of us.
#7 Don't obsess over your child.
We love to say that our children are our everything. And, of course, this is true. But in Everyday life parents need to be more open outside world. We must maintain friendships, have passions and hobbies - everything that makes us bright individuals.
It is not easy to allow ourselves this, because our protective fears try to convince us that the children cannot do without us, and we cannot do without them. But we can and must do without each other in order to stay sane and not burden our children with the overwhelming task of satisfying all our adult emotional needs.
#8 Know that actions speak louder than words.
The fastest way a child learns is by watching how you live and interact with him and the world around him. Children are incredibly attentive and have a much finer intuition than we think. They are constantly watching.
For all the seeming inconvenience of this fact for parents, if we constantly remember that our children are watching our actions, we will not only teach them to behave correctly, but we will become much better ourselves.
No. 9. Remember that spending time together, having fun and creating - better ways the formation of positive behavior and friendly attitudes.
Parenting through fear and control is completely ineffective in the long run. These methods may have a positive short-term effect, but they will not help build a strong inner moral core in our children or teach them effective problem-solving skills.
If, when communicating with you, the child feels that he is valued as a person, he naturally he will learn to appreciate others and make the right decisions.
No. 10. Let your goal be to shape the soul of the child, and not just influence his behavior.
The world wants to convince us that the purpose of education is to create an obedient and well-trained child. But these, of course, highly desirable qualities for most parents are by no means the qualities that will make your child a happy and healthy person.
Help the children understand that their thoughts and emotions are extremely important, and you will teach them how to communicate with people, how to manage themselves and cope with difficult situations. Skills that will support and guide them throughout their lives.
Changing the way and style of parenting is never easy, but if it's truly important to our children, it's worth it.
Zoya Reasonable
Parenting Tips for Parents
Advice for parents
The children's composition of the institution "Center social assistance family and children of the Pochepsky district”, in which I work, is heterogeneous in age, gender, mental and physical development. But, basically, all of them are children with a destroyed system of social ties, with distorted personal attitudes, with shattered psychophysical health ...
We give children not only warmth, comfort, food, shelter, protection of rights, but we try to restore or compensate for the experience of family life as much as possible.
Family education is the foundation. It is impossible to give a child torn from the family a full-fledged upbringing, it is simply impossible! Therefore, it is imperative to work not only with the child, but with the whole family as a whole.
educators, social educators of our center are actively working in this direction in the form of consultations, conversations, parent meetings, visits of parents at the place of residence.
Brings up everything - people, things, phenomena,
but above all and for the longest time, people.
Of these, in the first place are the parents and teachers of A. S. Makarenko
1. Always talk to a child like an adult, you should not lisp with a child.
2. When talking with a child, avoid verbosity so that the child can understand the main point of your conversation.
3. Know how to listen to children. Do not rush to express your opinion on every occasion.
4. When communicating with a child, disputes may arise. You are an adult and you can always prove your case. But is it worth it to always stand your ground?
Sometimes in a dispute, the child needs to give in, let him not feel forever wrong. By your example, you will teach your child to give in, admit defeats and mistakes.
5. Your conversation can become a suggestion, but such a suggestion should be in the nature of a subtle, varied and consistent influence on the child.
6. When talking to a child, do not give him an ultimatum, even if he is guilty. To read notations, to mock and allow comparisons not in favor of the child. It means to humiliate him, hurt him and push him away from you.
7. Education will have a result only if there is close contact between an adult and a child. Such contact can only be established with positive attitude in relationships and positive, vibrant communication with each other.
8. Do not seek at any cost to get from the child the recognition of his mistakes and the promise "not to do it again." This is always either falsehood or humiliation, which the child most often does not forgive, especially if you forced him to endure this humiliation in public.
9. Build a conversation with children in a confidential and calm tone - this way you will more likely convey your thoughts and requirements to him. Don't be afraid to be strict, always be fair.
10. Talk to your child "eye to eye." This way you will understand each other better. The child will be sure that his problems are understood and really interest you.
11. When you see your child startle at a sudden loud sound or when you move your hand - parent, get scared and think!
12. Your anxiety, despondency, depression, fear are transmitted to the child, your explosiveness is contagious.
13. Teach your child to make selfless gifts if you yourself want to receive their old age from him.
14. Teach him the ability to express judgments, ask questions, defend his principles through dialogue. All this will help the child in communicating with other people.
15. Remember that you need to instill in your child the three most important skills: listening, hearing, and entering into a dialogue with another person.
successful people become those who have developed communication skills.
The words of Sukhomlinsky come to mind: " A child is a mirror of the family, just as the sun is reflected in a drop of water, so the moral purity of parents is reflected in children.
Dear friends and colleagues, thank you for your attention. I wish you all the very best!
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Be good parents is not an easy task, which is why millions of couples study various books and manuals on how to properly handle their child. By applying 12 parenting tips, many moms and dads have already achieved success. So what is their secret? What rules do they follow to create harmonious relationship with your children?
1. Patience at the limit is normal.
How often does it happen that children do not pay attention to the comments of their parents, and sometimes even violently resist their instructions. When the critical moment comes, moms and dads give up - give in to the child. By doing so, they want to keep the peace, by being patient, they want to be "good parents." But thus parents lose their authority- if the children press hard, then under pressure they will get what they want.
It is important to remember that everyone can lose patience, we are all human and everyone can lose their temper, there is nothing wrong with that. It is actually difficult to contain anger and irritation, especially if children do everything as if for evil. The child must understand that you do not like this behavior, you cannot follow the lead of your son or daughter. Allow your emotions to come out rather than hiding them inside yourself, let the child and yourself understand that you do not agree with the situation. The accumulated negativity will subsequently find a way out, only then can all family members suffer, and children most of all.
2. Teach your child to enjoy a toy, not to count its price.
When purchasing an expensive toy for a baby, parents often ask to treat it with special trepidation, constantly reminding them of how much it costs. But for a child, this does not matter, because he still cannot evaluate things and objects based on their monetary costs.
Understanding the value of money will come to him later, and when children are small, they are equally interested in playing with both simple trinkets and expensive toys. Even playing with plain sheet paper or a package sometimes seems more exciting to them than with a radio-controlled helicopter.
3. Punishment is a manifestation of love
Do you consider yourself bad parents if you have to punish children? When a son or daughter does stupid things, you have the right to be angry with them, and therefore punish them. Reprimand is a loving measure, without it the child will not learn to see the boundaries of what is permitted.
Thanks to timely punishment, children begin to understand that each of their actions has its own consequences. they grow up to be responsible for their actions. Remember that being good parents does not mean that you need to turn a blind eye to bad behavior your child and allow him everything.
4. Don't be afraid to say no
How nice it is to answer in the affirmative to all the requests of the kids, because they are so sincerely happy! But a constant “yes” can lead to relationship problems years later. A child who is not accustomed to rejection will eventually begin to demand more and more, then what should parents do? Will they be able to fulfill all the whims and requests of a teenager?
Don't be afraid to say no to young children, be firm when needed by saying your firm "no". Having refused a child for the first time, you may meet with a rebuff in the form of tears, whims, tantrums, but do not give in, if the decision is made, stick to your word. Once having yielded to the baby under the influence of whims, it will subsequently become even more difficult to refuse him something else.
5. Raise your children to be self-reliant.
By not trusting children to do small tasks around the house, doing all the work for them, you will achieve only one thing - when they grow up, they will not be able to do basic things, such as heat their own food or wash the dishes. It is necessary to teach a child to be independent from an early age. Contact them with a request to help collect toys, wipe the dust.
If the daughter wants to wash the plate, let her, even if the result is not the best, still praise the girl for her initiative and diligence. Never tell a child that he will not succeed, do not do the work for him. Such words will discourage you from taking on any business at all in the future. By doing this, parents do not give the kids the opportunity to develop independence.
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6. Do not deprive yourself of the right to rest
The responsibility of raising children is a job that requires constant effort and attention, and besides, it is around the clock. You can’t quit her job, you can’t get a vacation either. But moms and dads still need to rest to recuperate. Sometimes it’s worth taking a so-called day off.
Teach your child to understand your sleep and rest needs. Explain that while mom is lying down, children can do something interesting - draw, make a plasticine figure, or just watch cartoons. Teach them to play quietly and not to make numerous requests to mom when she is resting. However, observe the measure - kids should not be left unattended by adults for a long time, you will be rested, but the child will be left to himself.
7. Form the habit of eating right from an early age
Complete and proper nutrition V early age- what you need to teach your children, because human health depends on it. If you choose healthy foods Let your child adopt this habit from you. It is a mistake to believe that while children are small, they can eat everything - both sweets and chips. This does not mean that babies should only eat cereals and vegetables, but fast food or other unhealthy foods should not be included in their daily diet.
Grandmothers pose the greatest danger here - they constantly think that their grandchildren are hungry, offering them either pies or pancakes. Tactfully, but strictly explain to elderly relatives that, by showing excessive care and love for babies, they harm their health.
8. Having children is not the end of life.
Being a parent doesn't mean giving up own interests and entertainment. Of course, moms and dads don't have as much time to meet friends and go to the movies as they used to before the kids were born. But you can’t completely deprive yourself of some kind of emotional relief. It is important to learn how to combine parental responsibilities with their interests, find a middle ground.
9. Take an interest in the child's life
By showing interest in what your baby is doing and enjoying, you are building a solid foundation for good relations in future. IN early childhood the child can enthusiastically tell you about Pokemon, Peppa Pig and other favorite characters, new toys and cartoons.
Delving into the words of children, getting to know their world, you become close friends. When the baby grows up, he will begin to share with you already more adult problems and hobbies, knowing that you will not dismiss him, but support and listen.
10. Parents need to be able to ask for forgiveness
Basing your upbringing on the principle “mother is always right” and stubbornly not admitting your mistakes is fundamentally wrong. Everyone makes mistakes - both children and adults. And since you are teaching your child to ask for forgiveness for his misdeeds, be so kind as to follow your own rules and also admit your guilt.
Yes, it can be difficult, but there is nothing to be ashamed of. Such objective observance of the rules in your family will allow you to build harmonious and warm relationship with your child on an equal footing.
11. The limit has come - take a time out
There are situations when the atmosphere heats up almost to the limit, when emotions, replacing each other, overwhelm and are ready to splash out. In this case, it is worth taking a time out - ask your grandmother or a friend to take the children for at least an hour or two to give yourself the opportunity to restore calm.
You feel that the peak of emotional overexcitation is coming, stop, go to another room at least for 20 minutes, take a shower, think about the upcoming trip to the sea. This is how you avoid a lot conflict situations and learn to remain calm.
12. Your children are the best in the world
For parents, their child, even an adult (namely, a child for you, he will be both at 5 and at 45) will always be the best, beautiful, smart, sweet and kind. Do not be afraid of your feelings, but show them as often as possible. Some moms and dads think that excessive love and care will only spoil their children, so they begin to criticize them. Do not deprive the child of support and tenderness, because they are more effective than any educational measures.
Moms take note!
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Are you able to find mutual language with baby? Are you able to negotiate with him without quarrels and resentments? Does your child trust you? Does he respect you and consult with you? If yes, then you are moving in the right direction. If not, you need to change something in your communication with the child and his upbringing. 10 tips from a psychologist to help you.
1. Always talk to your child like an adult, avoid petty words. Epithets should be present in your speech, but you should not lisp with a child.
2. When talking with a child, avoid verbosity so that the child can understand the main point of your conversation.
3. Disputes may arise in communication with the child. As an adult, you can always prove yourself right. But is it worth it to always stand your ground? If possible, give in to the argument to the child, let him not feel forever wrong. By your example, you will teach your child to give in, admit defeats and mistakes.
4. Your conversation can become a suggestion, but such a suggestion should be in the nature of a subtle, varied and consistent influence on the child.
5. When talking to a child, do not give him ultimatums, even if he is guilty. To read notations, to mock and allow comparisons that are not in favor of the child means to humiliate him, hurt him and push him away from himself.
6. Education will have results only if there is close contact between adults and the child. Such contact can be established only with a positive attitude in the relationship and positive, vivid communication with each other.
7. Build a conversation with the children in a confidential and calm tone - this way you will more likely convey your thoughts of the requirement to him. Don't be afraid to be strict, but always be fair.
8. Talk to your child "eye to eye." So you will understand each other better and the child will be sure that his problems are understood and really concern you.
9. Teach him the ability to express judgments, ask questions, defend his principles through dialogue. All this will help the child to establish communication with other people.
10. Remember that you need to instill in your child the three most important skills: listening, hearing and entering into a dialogue with another person. Successful people are those who have developed communication skills.
