I take revenge and my revenge is terrible - but is it necessary to take revenge for insult and evil? How can you take revenge on the person who offended and betrayed you: ways

In fact, revenge is an attempt to conduct a "second", while it is obvious to everyone that the first battle has already been lost. In most cases, revenge is an inadequate reaction to defeat, associated with offended pride or conceit. Of course, there are cases that are simply impossible to forgive, but their number is not so great.

The main problem with revenge is that when you decide to take revenge, you experience a lot of negative emotions: anger, resentment, irritation. At the same time, your offender is either already worried because of his actions, or has already managed to forget about it. In any case, your expenditure of strength, nerves and energy is likely to be many times greater than the negative emotions that your revenge will provoke in the offender.

Finally, revenge from an objective point of view looks rather stupid: imagine a football player who, after the end of a lost match, seeks to score a goal. In fact, the desire for revenge makes you live in the past, not in the future, because you cannot forget the offense that was once inflicted on you, and are forced to relive it again and again. Perhaps it would be much better to accept the fact that the past cannot be changed, which means that we must focus on the future.

Many consider the story of the Count of Monte Cristo to be an example of ideal revenge, which, however, describes a man who spent most of his life on revenge.

A rational approach to retribution

If your desire for revenge wins over a rational approach, at least you need to act thoughtfully. It is no coincidence that there is a popular expression that "revenge is a dish served cold." The point is that an attempt at retribution, made solely on the basis of emotions, is most likely to fail, and you will find yourself in an offensive and ridiculous position. Therefore, first of all, you need to calm down and wait, trying to reduce the degree of emotions to a minimum.

Clearly define your task: do you want your debtor to experience the same experiences or disproportionately greater? Do you intend to enjoy the feeling of victory once, or are you going to your opponent for the longest possible period of life? What are you willing to sacrifice, and what will make you give up plans of revenge? It is imperative that you answer all these questions so that your revenge is meaningful and effective action.

The thirst for indispensable victory is a sign of self-doubt. Truly great people don't need constant proof of their strength.

You will need time to prepare and collect information. find out weak spots his offender, his habits, values, principles. It often happens that things that are priceless for one person do not have the slightest meaning for another, so you should not thoughtlessly reproduce what offended you. Also, keep the penal code in mind when planning your revenge. Going to jail in order to enjoy revenge is a very impractical solution. Finally, you should not do anything irreparable, take revenge on loved ones, build Napoleonic plans to take revenge on a person who accidentally stepped on your foot. Be as pragmatic as possible, and you may come to the conclusion that, from a rational point of view, revenge is not the best possible option.

Maria, 45 years old, accountant

We women cannot survive without revenge. This man can solve his problem with his fists, so to speak, in an open fight. And we are weak creatures, so we have to punish the guilty in other ways. For example, a few years ago my husband left me, left us with a child. I suffered terribly, I really wanted him to repent of what he had done. But what could I? If I were a man, I would just punch him in the teeth and maybe calm down. And then ... In general, I made a lot of efforts to quarrel him with a new passion, fortunately, she was one of our mutual friends and I could influence my husband through them. As a result, they broke up. And now my husband, in his old age, was left alone. He once came to my son and me, asked to come back, complained that he was lonely. It may sound cynical, but at that moment I felt that I was absolutely happy. When I realized that he was as bad as I was, I stopped thinking about him and scrolling endlessly in my head unpleasant situation. Until now, I've been on the edge nervous breakdown, and as soon as she saw that he, too, was suffering, she completely calmed down.

Olga, 34 years old, manager

Revenge is primarily immoral. As soon as you begin to take revenge, then immediately put yourself on the same level with this person. For example, my friend decided to take revenge on a neighbor who constantly locks her in the parking lot. So, she did not come up with anything smarter than scratching his car with a key. But it so happened that just at the moment when she was carrying out her plan, a neighbor looked out the window and caught her doing this. The case ended with the police and quite large sum money she gave to a neighbor to make amends. And what did she achieve? Money wasted in vain, relations with a neighbor are hopelessly damaged. They don't even say hello when they meet. And they could, after all, decide everything in a civilized way. Well, couldn't you just come up and talk normally? I don't think the neighbor would have continued to park his car as before if she had reprimanded him. And after all, what is interesting, she is now ashamed of herself for this act. Only now nothing can be changed, it remains only to be tormented by remorse.

Oleg, 35 years old, programmer

You need to stand up for your rights. Otherwise, others will consider that you are a spineless rag and you can be treated as badly as you like, you will endure everything. This must not be allowed. We live in cruel world And in order to achieve something in this life, you need to be able to stand up for yourself. And revenge in this case It's just a way of giving back. No, I'm not saying that if you get rude in transport, you need to grab an ax and chop the rude into cabbage. But to remain silent means to show one's weakness. If you want to be successful, you need to earn the respect of others. But, unfortunately, this can only be done by showing their strength. That is, if a colleague sits you up at work, you won’t beat him in the face in front of everyone. You will simply be considered crazy. It is much more effective in this case to choose the right moment and point out to the boss the mistake of the one who spoils your career. Then it will immediately become clear to everyone that it is better not to do bad things to you. One successful revenge is quite capable of working for your reputation. After you win at least one victory over your competitors, the rest will be afraid to put a spoke in your wheels. Well, if you let things take their course and wait for others to understand that you have become a victim of injustice, most likely, you will simply lose out. No one cares about you, and if you don't take care of your safety or money yourself, no one will do it for you. So personally, I am sure that any nastiness should be answered in the same way. So that the rest would be disrespectful.

Mikhail, 50 years old, driver

Revenge can take a person too far. As he hatches a plan to respond, he becomes even more inflamed, and even a small offense begins to seem huge. And in the end, revenge is rarely adequate. The offender does not get what he deserves, usually he is punished much more severely. And revenge is a one-way ticket. As long as you have not yet done a reciprocal meanness, you have every chance to make peace with a person. Maybe he offended you by accident or stupidity and now repents of this. And it is likely that you will be able to forget this resentment and improve relationships. But as soon as you start to dirty in response, you can forget about normal communication. Whom mutual claims accumulate, anger grows, and nothing can be saved. How many such families I have seen - they quarreled over some nonsense and begin to squeeze each other out of the world. And then they will do so many mutual nasty things that it is already impossible to forgive each other.

Alisa, 27 years old, secretary

I am not close to the idea of ​​forgiveness. If a person has committed a bad deed, he should repent of it. Of course, one can expect that sooner or later his conscience will speak in him and he will regret what he did, but there is very little chance of this. If evil remains unpunished, the one who commits it will do the same next time. Therefore, if you do not want to encourage the offender, you must punish him. This will do him good. Therefore, I think if something bad was done to you, you should answer this person in the same way. Words don't really work on these people. You can scream as much as you like, stomp your feet, but it is unlikely to work. People who do mean things tend to pay very little attention to words. They only realize that they did something wrong when the consequences of their action affect them. later life. Did something nasty to someone - get the same thing in return. Explanations don't work. They are selfish, so it is not given to them to understand the feelings of the one whom they offended.

Ilya, 42 years old, bank employee

Revenge breeds reciprocal revenge. As a result, none of the participants in the conflict remembers how it all began, but they continue to play dirty tricks on each other. And with each time, the "strike back" becomes stronger - resentment and irritation accumulate. And what is the result? You spend your life not on doing good to yourself, but on doing harm to someone. As they say, "I'm ready to swallow a toad in order to annoy others." Do you need it? Isn't it better to spit and forget about the offense before the conflict has gone too far? Why waste time and nerves just to get revenge? There are more interesting things in life! Let the one who offended you one day see that everything is fine with you, despite his intrigues, and envy. Yes, I understand that it is quite difficult to come to terms with the fact that something bad has been done to you. Well, yell back, but do not waste time hatching plans for revenge. After all, the longer you bear them, the more you will remember your offense. This means that you will remain in this stress for a very long time, experiencing your failure. Forget and move on. Surely your offender in the future will receive punishment for their actions. I am sure that any evil one way or another returns to the one who committed it.

Instruction

The first reason may be in yourself. Think about it, maybe it’s not you who are offended, but you are just the kind of person who takes everything too close to your heart? If this is so, then first of all it is worth working on yourself, rather than being offended by other people.

The second reason may be the well-known "vampirism". This is when a person simply clings to you over trifles in order to feed on energy at your expense. Such people are most often unremarkable, so they attract attention only in this way. For example, they can be rude to you for no reason. You should not react to such people. It is best to ignore such a person. You will only be better off for it.

Also, the cause of resentment may simply be the fact that we do not know how to communicate and listen to another person. Most often, because of this, people of opposite sexes take offense at each other, for example, a husband and wife.

You know the state of passion? This is a violent psychological shock, due to which a person is unable to control his emotions. Agree, because not every person is able to be responsible for himself and for his actions in a fit of anger and despair. That is why they offend others, since they have no control over themselves in this moment.

Well last reason is bad manners. If a person was brought up in a very environment, then he, accordingly, will behave in this way in relation to other people. And all for sure, not because he wants to offend you, but simply because he does not know how to communicate differently. If this is the case, then the problems are only his, which he, in fact, can easily solve. It's worth it just to want it. Good luck!

On relatives people often fall for Bad mood or failure. But at the same time, they are the least protected from such attacks and very often they are not to blame for anything. How can you protect them from themselves, try not to upset or offend?

Instruction

Take care of relatives you people and help them. Perhaps they just have no one to turn to but you. At the same time, do not forget to take the initiative, because sometimes relatives are simply embarrassed to ask for something, afraid to hear a refusal in response or offensive phrase about how much you have to do.

Make time for them. Call your loved ones as often as possible, and even better - meet and chat. Sometimes all you need is to ask about business and health, chat heart to heart or tell something everyday about yourself.

Respect your family and relatives. Remember that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and personal time. Do not swear about it and do not punish them for their decisions. This is especially true for children who sometimes do not want to follow your advice, for example, in choosing a future profession, life partner, or even ordinary circles. In such a situation, the best thing to do is to give good advice.

listen to the opinion relatives. Despite the fact that you have long considered yourself independent and omniscient about life, good advice has not hurt anyone yet. Especially the parent. Even if you don't follow it, it's still worth paying attention to. Perhaps this will allow you to look at some situation from a different perspective. Remember that loved ones give you not because they consider you stupid and mediocre, but because they worry about you in any situation.

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Sources:

• Quarrelsome business - how to learn not to quarrel in 2019
• how not to call when offended in 2019

The resentment of people of creative professions is not in vain a proverb. Artists, musicians, artists have a special nature, which is why they often show too many negative emotions for seemingly insignificant reasons.

Resentment as a sign of insecurity

Resentment is a demonstrative reaction, it is needed to show the offender that he is wrong. Usually people try not to show their resentment to close people too much, realizing that friends and relatives rarely try to specifically pin and hurt them. However, some representatives of creative professions are ready to be offended for any reason.

In order to communicate normally with such people, you need to accept their touchiness as a given and an immutable property of nature. Creative people tend to be terribly insecure because what they do for a living cannot be judged objectively. A painting, a song, a dance, a sculpture can only be liked or disliked. They cannot be comfortable, high-quality, durable, these characteristics are not comparable with works of art. As a result, each creative person constantly balancing between other people's opinions about his art, about his way of making a living.

The problem is that creative people express themselves and their ego in their works, respectively, every negative assessment pierces them to the very heart. The psyche of people in creative professions is rarely stable, the slightest changes in life, small minor events unbalance them. Therefore, they tend to take even the most innocent remarks with hostility because of their own insecurity and dependence on the opinions of others.

form of protection

It can be said that creative people have been trying to build protection around themselves all their lives in order to somehow perceive the world easier. Unfortunately, a true artist cannot grow thick enough skin without losing the ability to be creative. That is why people of creative professions have such a relationship with the outside world.

The touchiness of such people should not be taken as something personal. Most likely, this is how their increased susceptibility is expressed. Most often, excessive resentment manifests itself only at the first time after meeting as a defensive reaction or an attempt to protect one's personal space from intrusion.

In general, one must understand that in most cases all oddities and unusual behavior creative people explained precisely by attempts to protect themselves from the world. Outrageous image, rudeness, deliberately antisocial behavior, resentment for people of creative professions are a kind of outer shell. Getting to what is hidden inside them can be difficult.

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Everyone has probably experienced the feeling of resentment. It is not always possible to hide it and often insults end in quarrels and even enmity. Not many people want to understand what true motives who moved the person who offended them, and are guided only by their feelings and drawing their own conclusions.

Instruction

Often a person is precisely because his hopes are not. He calculates and predicts the actions of other people, completely ignoring the fact that these people think and feel in a completely different way than he does. Therefore, he expects from others such a reaction and such actions as he would have acted. As a result, when he gets something completely different from what he expected, he perceives it as a betrayal or a desire to hurt him on purpose.

Misunderstanding often occurs in families where husband and wife look at the same things differently. So, for example, for more emotional and romantic women, the wedding day is memorable and is a significant event. family life. For more mundane people who live "here and now", this day, long gone, does not evoke such nostalgic feelings and they often forget about it. Hence the reason for the resentment.

If you look around and analyze the behavior of your acquaintances, you will see that the most touchy are people who are not confident in themselves. They constantly doubt the sincerity of the actions of others and expect trouble from them, therefore they tend to see resentment where there was a joke or even a random phrase that was not even related to them.

The cause of increased resentment can also be a nervous breakdown associated with constant stress, physical and emotional stress. A person whose nervous system is shattered, inadequately perceives others and can, that, from scratch.

Resentment is a destructive feeling. It can corrode a person from the inside, spoil his character and even lead to diseases. However, resentment has one thing positive property: if you can calmly explain to a person what exactly annoys you, then he will be able to correct his behavior. If you ask him to explain his behavior, it may turn out that there really was no reason for resentment.

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When a person is offended for nothing, it is very difficult to come to terms with this state of affairs. I want to take revenge so that justice triumphs and the person stops feeling offended. Even in the most ancient books it was said “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”, but there it was not really about the concept of revenge.

The concept of revenge

Revenge is almost always the result of resentment. The scheme here is simple: a person was offended, it hurts him; he thinks about how to make this oppressive feeling go away. Most often, many are not able to let go and forgive the offense, and therefore they plan revenge. However, few people think that even after revenge, the aching feeling in the chest may not go away, and, perhaps, it will even intensify due to a conscience or guilt that has been played out.

Globally, revenge can be viewed on several levels: from some “children’s pranks” (spread rumors, substitute in trifles, etc.) to the so-called vendetta, when completely innocent people begin to die because of two people who are unable to deal with each other. people, wars are made and large-scale catastrophes occur.

No wonder there is a phrase "revenge is a dish that is served cold." Indeed, before coming up with insidious schemes, you need to calm down and cool down. Perhaps a calm mind will be able to choose another, more acceptable solution to the problem.

Revenge and punishment

The expression “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” generally considers a peculiar principle of justice: each person should get what he deserves. Modern realities are such that the expression is considered only in a negative way, but positive points for some reason they are missed, although it would be much better and more humane to use this phrase in the context of rewards for good deeds.

If punishment is necessary in order to restore justice in the world, then revenge is determined only by the subjective perception of the situation. specific person. So, a person may think that someone wishes him harm, and, not understanding the situation, begins to take revenge. The driving motives of the alleged offender have not been clarified, but revenge has already taken place. Before determining the punishment, all the features of the situation are revealed, the positions of both sides are considered, and this is the fundamental difference between punishment and revenge.

Revenge or forgive

Naturally, insults are better to forgive. Revenge is a destructive feeling, which, like resentment, causes destructive processes in the body and soul of a person.

Therefore, the main point on how to overcome your desire for revenge is to free yourself from resentment. Forgiveness, acceptance, a look to the future, not to the past - all this will help to forget the offense and, perhaps, even understand the offender. For those who believe in some higher Absolute - God, Cosmos, etc. - it is easier to forgive, because they believe in higher justice and the highest court.

Another rule to remember when making any important decision is to keep clean head". At the moment when a person is overwhelmed with emotions, mostly negative, when the hands themselves are clenched into fists, and the heart is ready to jump out of the chest, the best way out of the situation is unlikely to come to mind. Many of the actions taken in similar condition, often lead to fatal mistakes and interfere with living in peace and harmony with oneself.

Some people sin with slander. They cannot refrain from gossip and discussion of others. There are several reasons for this - from dissatisfaction with one's own life to banal envy of someone else's success.

Instruction

Keep in mind that sometimes people judge others in order to appear better in the eyes of others. For this, it is not necessary that some person committed a terrible crime, it is enough just to violate a social norm. In order not to be thought that the individual approves of such indecent behavior, he pours his voice into the chorus of indignation. It is possible that he himself sins with such views or principles. But until he is caught red-handed, he pretends to be an angel. Such individuals are called hypocrites.

Other individuals tend to condemn others in order to assert themselves at their expense. Such people have low self-esteem. Deep down, they believe that they have not achieved anything in life, but instead of setting ambitious goals for themselves and achieving them, they prefer to gloat over the failures of other individuals. In such cases, people speak anger at themselves, dissatisfaction with their lives. They believe that they were unfairly offended by fate, and come off on others.

Some people cling to every excuse to celebrate the failures of those they envy. In the troubles of life of those who have achieved more than themselves, these individuals see a manifestation of some kind of higher justice. This applies not only to envy of acquaintances, colleagues and friends, but also to gloating about failures in. Jealous losers hate the rich, famous, young and beautiful. They are happy to throw mud at them for any reason.

Sometimes people judge others without even noticing it. For some grumpy individuals, this behavior has already become a habit. Their negativity is not directed specifically at this person. They just constantly express their dissatisfaction with what is happening. Such people have formed a certain critical attitude, and they can no longer stop. Such a bilious character may appear with age, due to a certain circle of friends or health problems.

It happens that people condemn others, as they think, fairly. They sincerely resent someone's behavior or words and cannot resist criticism. Such individuals should be reminded that violators of their peace may have personal motives to do just that, and not otherwise. In addition, you always need to make allowances for poor health, everyday problems, fatigue and irritability of others. People who love to judge others forgive themselves for such transgressions given the circumstances, but don't take that stance when it comes to those around them.

Each person has their own concept of what can be considered funny and what is not. Someone has a very subtle sense of humor, but give it to another dirty jokes. One individual bursts into loud laughter even from bearded joke, and the other is very difficult to make laugh.

Therefore, there are several humorous genres. People can laugh at a tragicomedy, and at a joke below the waist, and at pantomime, and at a funny song. Actors performing in the comedy genre strive to find their own style, and some of them successfully find their own audience.

self-irony

Sometimes a person laughs not at other people, but at his own person. Some will be laughed at by their stupid mistakes, slips of the tongue, naivety, or unluckyness. The ability to laugh at oneself is a property of a strong, self-sufficient, mature personality.

In addition, laughter at oneself indicates high level the intellect of the individual. But when the constant self-irony goes beyond all limits, it becomes clear that this person there are some problems with self-esteem and excessive self-criticism.

Laugh out of courtesy

Sometimes a person laughs when he is not at all funny. A polite smile or a fake giggle is the price of a bad storyteller who tries to please his listeners. The people around him do not want to offend him and therefore they pretend that it was amusing for them to listen to an old joke or a flat joke.

Another situation is when a person wants to please someone and seeks to win someone's favor at any cost. Then he, too, is sometimes ready to laugh at unfunny jokes and praise last year's jokes.

Hysterical laughter

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter of a person without apparent reason indicates that not everything is in order with his nervous system.

Loud, attention-grabbing laughter in this case becomes both a distress signal and defensive reaction person.

IN stressful situation the individual may begin to giggle incomprehensibly over what. This is also an indicator of shattered nerves. A person who finds himself in such a situation should at least have a good rest.

unhealthy laughter

Laughter can appear in a person who is under the influence of some drugs. Passion for alcoholic beverages, narcotic and toxic substances injure nervous system, distort the perception of reality and have an effect on all human senses.

Therefore, either a besotted individual can find many reasons for stupid laughter in a completely unfunny situation and is unable to control his own emotions.

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Psychology lessons. Is it worth it to take revenge on your enemies. Our enemies would dance for joy if they knew how much anxiety, torment and trouble they bring us. Our hatred does not harm them, but turns our days and nights into nightmares, wears us out, undermines our health and spoils our appearance, and in the end shortens our lives.

Who do you think belongs to the words: "If bad people want to take advantage of you, delete from your life, but do not try to get even with them. Wanting to take revenge on someone, you first of all harm yourself, and not your enemy "? It seems to you that the idealist said them in pink glasses? Nothing like this. None of the words are from a bulletin issued by the Milwaukee Police Department.

I do not urge you to love your enemies, but think at least to love yourself. Remember the words of Shakespeare more often: "Do not kindle the furnace for your enemies too much, otherwise you will burn yourself in it."

It's not scary that you were deceived or robbed, - said Confucius, - it's scary if you constantly remember this. I once asked General Eisenhower's son John if his father could be called vindictive, "No," replied he is dad does not think for a minute about those people who are unpleasant to him.

Is it worth it to take revenge on your enemies. An old saying goes: a fool is he who never gets angry. But only the one who does not want to be angry is wise. To give an example, William J. Gaynor, the former mayor of New York, was viciously slandered in the press. After that, a maniac was found who shot the mayor and almost killed him. Lying in the hospital, Gaynor courageously fought for his life and at the same time, according to the words, "every evening he mentally forgave all people." Enthusiastic idealism? Too much kindness and light faith? But let's turn to the great German philosopher Schopenhauer, author of The Study of Pessimism. His soul was full of sadness and despair, he looked at life as a meaningless and painful adventure. And it was he who exclaimed: "If possible, do not feel hostility towards anyone!".

I once spoke with Bernard Baruch, a man who was a trusted adviser to six presidents: Wilson, Harding, Coolidge, Hoover, Roosevelt, and Truman. When I asked how he reacted to the attacks of his opponents, Baruch replied: "No man can humiliate me or provoke my anger. I will not allow him to do this."

No one can insult and upset you if you do not want to.

Perhaps no statesman in the history of America has been subjected to such insults and slander and has not experienced such strong hatred of opponents as Abraham Lincoln. However, he never judged people by their attitude towards him. If some important matter required it, he could entrust it even to his enemy. Despite the slander and personal insults of enemies, Lincoln appointed them to positions that were most suitable for them. He made no distinction between enemies and friends when it came to work.

Lincoln was severely attacked by those who held the highest positions in his government. However, as the author of the classic biography of the president recalls, his legal adviser Herndon. Lincoln believed that "no man should be praised or condemned for his actions, because we are all influenced in one way or another by conditions, circumstances, environment, education, learned habits and hereditary traits "It is these factors that shape a person and make him what he is and what he will remain forever."

Maybe Lincoln is right. In all likelihood, e

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From love to hate - one step, they say. Probably, every person happened to experience hatred and a desire to avenge the wrong done. We propose to discuss revenge of a local order, one might say, domestic.

To whom and for what to take revenge?

Beloved for treason or betrayal

The most common form of revenge. It has been noticed that the lower the internal culture of a person, the more cruel will be the types of revenge. Probably, you have seen spray-painted cars with obscene inscriptions of the most detailed and revealing content. Some people manage to stain/damage the car in more sophisticated ways, such as scratching it with a nail.

Of course, in a fit of rage, you are ready to kill the traitor, quarter it, spread it on bread instead of butter and swallow it. But see that your stomach does not twist after such a dish. We are, after all, civilized people.

If you really need to blow off steam with a poison or an ax, then use a mild laxative or a painted guillotine , with which you can dismember, quarter and behead him, without denying yourself mental or virtual pleasure.

My friend, who once found a photo of her husband on a dating site, went to game revenge . She came up with virtual woman and got from own husband confessions, promises, gifts, and even money transfers over the Internet. When he was almost choked with saliva from lust and impatience, she invited him on a date. But she came not alone, but with her son. Daddy-husband fell into a slump and atoned for his sins for a long time.

Conclusion: before taking revenge on a loved one for treason , remember how much good and kindness was between you. Who knows, maybe your information about treason is just the machinations of envious people and your loved one did not cheat on you at all, and you already mined his car in a fever.

To superiors for dismissal or injustice

Such revenge is sometimes not even perceived by us as revenge. Yes, a minor annoyance. But very often, deliberately or subconsciously substituting our boss, we harm ourselves. Having finally inherited and left work with a scandal, we cut off the opportunity for ourselves to return here sometime many years later or use those positive developments, contacts and opportunities that are associated with this place of work.

Conclusion: the world is small and the hated boss can someday in the most unexpected way become the person you bet on. Never say never".

Colleagues for setting me up

Each of us has a choice - to participate in a mouse race within corporate standards Or stay human no matter what. In order not to take revenge on your colleagues, not to aggravate the tense relationship, you should try to behave with them diametrically opposed to the style that they want to set. Be emphatically polite and defiantly tolerant. Ultimately, this is also a kind of revenge, because your offenders will be very uncomfortable with a person who sincerely does not allow meanness in a relationship.

Conclusion: just think, you spend most of your life with them. Are you going to waste this time on revenge? Wouldn't it be better to find friends and like-minded people among them?

Partners for throwing

If you want to lose a friend, become a business partner with him, says folk wisdom and experience. But in general, in order to lose partners with the least risk to your own psyche, without hatred and revenge, you just need to approach preliminary agreements more carefully and weigh all the pros and cons. Well, of course, be prepared for the fact that someone can deceive you. Unfortunately, we are still very far from the civilized level of partnership.

To revenge or not to revenge - that is the question

Conclusion: before entering into a partnership, make inquiries about the applicant: about his business reputation, friends, hobbies - everything that will help characterize him as a businessman and person.

How to take revenge?

You can, of course, cold-bloodedly develop a plan for revenge, hatch it long years and strike unexpectedly and certainly at the very sore spot. But why burden your own karma like that? Being in a state of negative tension for a long time, a person loses interest in other aspects of life, turns into a hostage of his own evil idea. And she imperceptibly destroys him, devastating his soul and depriving him of the ability to enjoy life.

In a fit of hot, fresh anger To blow off steam, you can, of course, damage cars, plant pigs and complain to the tax office, but you can take revenge in a completely non-trivial way and, moreover, very profitable for yourself and even beautiful. For example...

• Achieve unprecedented heights in your career exactly in the area in which you were framed.
• Find yourself a lover, and maybe even fall in love a truly more worthy and favorably different person from the previous partner. Just do it not “for evil”, but with all your heart, as if getting rid of the burden. In this case, it will not even be revenge, but simply freeing yourself from negative thoughts about resentment and betrayal. After all, "if the bride goes to another, then it is not known who was lucky."
• The best revenge is indifference. Sometimes our enemies are just waiting for revenge or a negative reaction to their act in order to somehow find an excuse for themselves. So let's not give them such pleasure. Show your abuser that he is for you empty place, and his "resentment" is no more painful than a mosquito bite. Brush off the buzzing insect and go, why waste your mental strength on an unworthy subject.
• Go to a dense forest and uproot all the age-old stumps there. Dry the swamp. Make repairs. Plant a garden. Save the planet, after all. But you never know how to use their energy for peaceful purposes. The main thing is that you will not regret it later and will benefit people.

Perhaps revenge can satisfy inner anger for a while and calm passions raging in vain. But it is not capable of bringing complete satisfaction, because in itself it is evil. Sometimes hatred and revenge can lead the avengers to the dock and behind bars.

Think about how you'll feel after shredding his suit or putting frogs under his pillow? Imagine that everyone around you and your weakness will find out about your public revenge (namely, this is sometimes regarded by those around you hysterical behavior ) will become public. Will you not be ashamed of your ill-considered actions committed in a state of passion, eclipse and hatred?

Studies conducted by psychologists show that more than 80% of those who take revenge later regret their deeds and experience shame. And only a few admitted that they would repeat their actions again. Most of them practically did not feel relief, but regretted that they had not restrained their anger and behaved unworthily. After all, as A. Dode said, hatred is the anger of the weak.

To take revenge or not to take revenge: expert commentary

comments Evgenia Mikhailova - author of psychological detective novels. Publishing house "Eksmo" new novel Evgenia Mikhailova - "Just like a living one."

Evgenia Mikhailova

« If we talk about the essence of the concept of "revenge" - that is, the infliction of suffering, moral and material damage, infringement of rights, deterioration in the quality of life of offenders - there is no need to talk about an alternative at all. People are divided into those who are capable of such revenge and those for whom it is impossible. I admit that this line is not only moral, but also psychiatric, even clinical.

A vengeful person is worse than a leper: he is disgusting, feels that he causes rejection and hatred, and already takes revenge for this. Anyone who, offended, says to himself: “I will take revenge,” should keep this extreme in mind and take care of himself first of all. Well it won't end.

But, apart from extremes, there are a lot of almost ordinary situations. Envy and meanness in the team. Most often, this is dirty gossip, which, according to today's times, can be picked up and distributed on social networks within an hour, which will fall on the victim almost like an avalanche.

To revenge or not to revenge - that is the question

Yesterday I just observed a situation when a beautiful, decent, intelligent girl was poured with tubs of insane dirt and threats because of sheer nonsense. Here it would be necessary, probably, to advise: be higher, ignore, these people are unworthy of you ... But I don’t think so. It's good, of course, to sail proudly past everyone: head in the clouds, radiant eyes, Mona Lisa's enigmatic smile on her lips.

But, firstly, among those who joyfully offend you, there are, as they say, just “sixes”, they have nothing to do with it at all, they don’t know you, they just fell for it. They will defect if you manage to replay the situation.

Secondly, no one was able to hide the suffering caused by ill-wishers: neither the sparkling Vivien Leigh, nor the brilliant Ranevskaya, nor the great Leonov and Borisov. And they were actors! We can't play like that. And the trace of silent suffering is the goal of any ill-wisher. Revenge, that is, to perform the same ugly actions, is not necessary. Need to answer. So that it was noticeable, it became known to many, so that the person who caused an undeserved offense would not suffer any damage, but would become insignificant and ridiculous not only in strangers' eyes, but also in their own eyes.

As the same Ranevskaya said, "you need to live in such a way that you are remembered by bastards." This amazing woman was not offended, probably only lazy. Incompetent actors hated her, and good directors refused to make films, because she overshadowed the rest of the picture with one episode. “You ate all my directorial idea with your acting,” Yury Zavadsky shouted to her. “So I have the feeling that I overate shit,” Ranevskaya answered.