How to get over a breakup easier. Out of sight…. In every separation - a new meeting

Parting often causes despair, sadness and pain ... But when the situation cannot be changed, change your attitude towards it.

Then you will begin to experience completely different emotions.

Scientists have calculated that the experience of parting with a loved one can last from three months to three years. And so that life does not seem like torment at the moment of experiencing a gap, you need to learn to think correctly.

Right way of thinking

The most difficult, but also the most expedient thing to do is to accept what happened. To resent an event that has already happened is at least unreasonable. It's like complaining about rain or heat. Better to be able to adapt.

Analyze the situation. Since there are two people in a relationship and your partner no longer wants your company, it means that this is also your fault. You need to fully understand your mistakes so that you don’t repeat them again. It is also important to understand that the other person has the right to choose an action, that he does not owe you anything, and is not obliged to meet your expectations. You should not hold grudges, accumulate evil and reproaches, as these emotions do not make it possible to enjoy life and develop. In addition, resentment and anger do not allow you to easily and naturally enter into a new relationship. Try to forgive your ex.

When a relationship falls apart, even if the person wants it, the breakup is very difficult. To survive a breakup without falling into a deep one, pull yourself together and follow the time-tested recommendations of psychologists.

1. Let yourself be sad

Is your relationship over? Then allow yourself to be a little sad, and do not immediately try to be distracted, not paying attention to what happened, headlong into work. Lock yourself up at home and listen to your favorite music or call your friends over, talk it out, cry into someone's vest at last! However, do not get carried away and, having locked yourself in four walls, do not tune in to cherish the loss for a long time.

2. Burn all bridges

Knowing that the relationship is over and it is impossible to renew it, get rid of everything that is associated with them: gifts, photographs, things that remind you of former relationship. You can, of course, dramatically get rid of a donated ring or gold bracelet, but do not rush to extremes. Valuable gifts can be returned former lover, hand it over to a pawnshop or put it away together with general photographs in a distant drawer, having made a promise to myself not to look there for six months or a year.

Do not console yourself with the hope that people will get back together after a breakup. No one leaves suddenly. Your husband may rashly (after a spontaneous quarrel) run out of the house and go to a friend, but he will definitely return. Such emotional moments even strengthen the marriage. But the rupture of long-term relationships occurs consciously - this decision is made on cold head, at rest.

3. Ask loved ones for help

You have no idea how to survive a breakup with a loved one on your own? This is not necessary. Spare you from unnecessary worries frequent communication with friends, acquaintances and colleagues will help. Alternatively, you can either start chatting on social networks with people who have managed to successfully survive a breakup.

Do not hide that you feel bad, do not hesitate to ask for advice or help. This is better than shutting yourself up and undermining your own mental condition and fall into depression.

4. Find a reason to be happy

Telling how to survive a breakup with a loved one, psychologists advise finding a way to cheer yourself up. You can do what you love, start repairs at home, arrange for yourself a “time of development and change” every day - it will be going to the gym, going to courses or reading books or writing poetry. Such pleasant things will help you get distracted and charge you with positive.

5. Be irresistible

After parting, people can regain the meaning of life and be happy, and therefore do not give up on yourself. Many women commit in such a situation big mistake: stop caring about their appearance. But sadness is still more pleasant with beautiful manicure and flawless fit. Do you want to start a new relationship after breaking up or, on the contrary, return your husband? Or you do not need anyone and you want to live for yourself? Either way, stay on top. Regularly visit a beauty salon, gym, change your hair, do yoga or take a massage course.

6. Set new goals for yourself

How to survive a breakup with a man and forget about him? Revise your plans, because when there are two of us, we follow common guidelines and constantly make compromises. If you wanted to, but your loved one was against it, then now is the time to pack your bags. Have you ever hesitated to quit your job and change your profession or, for example, to buy a car? Take action! Now no one will bother you.

Understand the main thing - your life depends only on you. And you decide what it will be.

7. Experiment

New relationships or getting rid of pain after a breakup will not keep you waiting if, instead of falling into depression, you enjoy life, develop, attend events. Bold experiments will help you with this. For women it is cardinal change image, for men - moving or buying new furniture. Or did you secretly dream of dancing, but were shy?

So this is the end of the relationship perfect time to find a new hobby.

8. Forgive and let go

It is hard for a woman thinking about how to survive a breakup with a man that she can forgive him. Wait. But over time, this moment will always come. You will feel that you forgive and release the person, because you respect his choice and do not wish him harm.

After a breakup, you should not pursue the person and try to find out which of the two of you is to blame. Keep dignity and do not forget about self-love. Do not take revenge for the offense inflicted on you - this is how you will let your ex-lover know that he is right in his decision to leave you. It is better to leave ended relationships in the past, perceiving them as a stage of development on the way to the better.

And finally advice. Do not rush to start new novels: until you get rid of the old love shackles, do not understand yourself, you will not be able to build a full-fledged new relationship.

Each of us dreams of happiness. For many people, it is directly related to a loved one. And to be precise, with an invented ideal. Finding him is very difficult. All people are different and may not like each other in terms of character and appearance. Therefore, we have to meet first, and then part. And for many people, this process happens repeatedly. Perhaps everyone will agree that parting is always painful and unpleasant. And both for the initiator and for the abandoned partner. In this article, we will talk about how to break up correctly so as not to torment yourself, but to enjoy unexpectedly opened opportunities and prospects. So let's get started.

Reasons for breaking up

Not all people take relationships equally seriously. Some start dating out of boredom and loneliness, others fall in love sincerely and cannot imagine life without a new partner. There are those who start a relationship solely for sex.

In fact, there can be many reasons. But in all cases, one thing is the same - we need something from this person: love, care, material content, satisfaction of sexual needs, joint walks, etc. Everyone has their own set of such expectations. It is with them that a person endows his own ideal. To this are added physical data (hair color, eyes, complexion, etc.). The resulting image is tried on a new partner every time. And the greater the degree of compliance, the higher the likelihood of continuing the relationship. Sometimes people just need to match in appearance. But it may also happen that the ideal corresponds only in physical parameters, and in other areas - a complete disappointment. Then there is a desire to find a new partner.

How to break up?

Below we describe a number of simple rules that will help you in this difficult process. They will turn the breakup into a simple inevitability, and it will be much easier to accept it.

1. Use your experience

Some people already have an idea of ​​how to break up properly. When attempting a new break, they use their past experience, trying to communicate it in an appropriate setting and in the most mild form. After all, any parting is the strongest stress for both partners. Although this will depend on the situation. Many people have no desire to communicate after a breakup. Therefore, they can declare it in the most rude form.

2. Remote break

Sometimes this process is initiated by women who know how to part with a man. Many of them are not able to tell a person about breaking up a relationship personally (fear of scandal, excitement, etc.), so they use modern technologies. Girls write a message on the social network or SMS on the phone. This method is also suitable for men.

Be sure to use this method in case of inadequacy or excessive emotionality of your partner. After all, it happens that at a personal meeting ends loud scandal or even worse - assault.

3. Be honest

Sometimes people who don't know how to break up properly come up with beautiful story With detailed description reasons. The partner is more likely to feel false. And in this case, it is better to be prepared for what he will ask about real reason parting. Tell him the truth. But it is not necessary to delve into minor details. It's important not to lie. Then you can even maintain friendships.

Speak with your partner all your accumulated discontent and resentment. It is likely that they will not be so significant. Perhaps, after clarifying the relationship, the question of parting will disappear by itself.

It is worth noting here that not everyone needs to tell the truth. For example, a man who does not know how to part with his beloved can tell her a lot hurtful words. If a girl is impulsive, then this will at least result in a scandal. Well, after that, she can tell your general environment about the “best” qualities of her ex.

4. Ask for forgiveness

Do not know how to part with your beloved man or woman? It's simple: ask for forgiveness. It just needs to be done sincerely. Be sure to specify what exactly you are apologizing for. Thus, you can significantly soften the reaction of the partner. Apologize and forgive regardless of who initiated the breakup.

5. Give thanks

No matter how difficult your relationship is at this stage, find the courage to say “thank you” to the person. Thank you for all the good things that happened between you. Perhaps the current partner helped you understand what kind of person you really need. This also happens sometimes. Gratitude is great power. It will allow you to avoid negative feelings in the process of parting and maintain a positive attitude.

6. Give vent to emotions

If you feel bad, then you should not withdraw into yourself. It has been proven that negative emotions negatively affect the body. Therefore, you need to give them a way out. The easiest way is tears. They are great help. You can call a friend or friend to "cry in the vest." The main thing is not to get carried away with self-pity. Otherwise, it can drag on and lead to depression.

7. Let him go

Many women ask themselves the question: “How to part with the man you love?”. On the one hand, they understand that the relationship has become obsolete. On the other hand, they still have feelings for a man. Therefore, after the break, they continue to run after a partner. You don't have to do that. Thus, you only humiliate your own dignity. Forget about the past and believe that everything in your life is happening for the better. If the separation happened, it will soon appear new person and make you happier.

8. Switch attention

The properties of our memory are such that we perfectly remember events with a vivid emotional coloring. It doesn't matter if it's negative or positive. The emotions that a person received most recently are remembered for the longest time. Also important is the frequency with which brightly colored events occur. The less often they occur, the longer a person remembers them. Equally important is the ratio of positive and negative situations. For example, if positive events constantly occur in a person’s life, and then a negative one unexpectedly happens, then it will linger in memory for a long time. And it will “pop up” in my thoughts every day.

It's the same with breaking up a relationship. For most people, the first breakup is generally shock therapy. Especially for a girl who doesn't know how to break up with married man. As a mistress, she receives many vivid emotions from him: gifts, trips to different institutions, walks, compliments, romantic evenings etc. It is quite natural that a break in relations will be a negative event for her. The same is true for the stronger sex.

And then it all depends on specific person. People whose life is filled bright emotions(whether negative or positive), they will be able to quickly switch to the new and forget about the old. It will be much harder for those who lead a boring monotonous life. It is difficult for them to abstract. For many, this happens once in a lifetime. The conclusion is simple: you will not be able to forget. But you can deprive a negative memory emotional background. To do this is simple: add new positive events to your life that are equal or superior in strength.

Take a look at those who, after a breakup, start drinking or indulge in all serious (change partners like gloves). They do this unconsciously in order to search for new impressions and emotions that will help them forget about the negative event. But, alas, alcohol will not save. And changing partners will only be effective if you allow yourself to fall in love again. In general, when the soul is very bad and forget unpleasant situation if it doesn’t work, urgently look for vivid impressions and new emotions. It can be skydiving, rafting, flying in a wind tunnel, karting, horseback riding, completing a quest, going to the mountains, etc.

9. Get rid of reminders

A photograph of a person is the same as himself. And periodically looking at her, we seem to meet with him again and again. But after a breakup, it is very painful. So, all pictures should be removed from prominent places. You don't have to burn them in the trash can. Although in some situations this will be the only way out. Also hide or throw away gifts received from a partner. In general, get rid of everything that connected you and can cause memories of him.

10. You cannot enter the same river twice.

Women who do not know how to properly part with their husband continue to hope for a restoration of relations after the break. This is because their feelings have not faded yet. But you need to objectively assess the situation. Most likely, the relationship will not resume. Of course, if a woman knows exactly the reason, for example, her husband left because of her fullness, then the situation is fixable. She can go on a diet and enroll in Gym. But this does not mean that the spouse will return with one hundred percent probability. And indeed, everything can turn out the other way around. The woman will become prettier and she will have many admirers, from whom she will choose worthy replacement ex-husband. Everything is completely individual. It should only be remembered that even in the event of a resumption of relations, they will never be the same.

11. Accept everything as it is and just trust fate

This principle has long been adopted by those people who know how to part properly. Man in similar situation often only emotions rule, and he does many rash things. But given energy it is better to spend not on fighting, but on finding a new partner. The best thing to do when parting is to accept the situation and let events take their course.

Living together, or even just being in a long-term relationship with a partner, means that the other person becomes part of your smallest decisions. What will you eat for dinner tonight? How you spend free time? Who are you friends with? When a love relationship ends, you painfully realize that now you are most interested in another question: how to survive parting with a loved one?

Why does it hurt so much?

Parting with a loved one is an incredibly painful experience that is very difficult to go through without emotional and moral losses. Psychologically, parting is perceived not only as the breakup of a couple, but also as the collapse of all dreams and hopes. Very often, a break with a loved one is much more painful than even physical death, which is at least irreversible. Relationships that bring pain are unbearable, but parting with a tormentor is often perceived as a betrayal and hurts the self-esteem and pride of the person who was abandoned.

IN modern society parting with a boyfriend or divorcing a husband is often reproached for a woman. It is believed that women are more interested in long term relationship, so it is she who must do everything possible (and impossible) to save the family. This is implied even if the man leaves the family for own will. What can we say about those cases when a man is abandoned by a woman! Therefore, after parting with a loved one, a woman is often tormented by a sense of guilt and a complex of her own inferiority.

Of course, these experiences are not true. The end of a relationship, although a sad event, is quite commonplace. So why continue a relationship that brings pain or does not allow at least one of the partners to develop?

What can be done?

Many couples around the world make the decision to end their relationship on a daily basis, and this is absolutely normal. Another question is that when parting, there are many strong negative emotions and the need to solve emerging problems. The advice of psychologists will tell you how to survive a divorce from your husband or parting with a guy most painlessly.

• Recognize the fact of the breakup. After the initial shock, you will be very tempted to begin to feel sorry for yourself too much or, conversely, to withdraw into yourself, hiding your feelings of resentment, anger and grief deep inside. So the first step in recovering from a breakup is to acknowledge the reality of the situation and be truly honest about how you feel;

• Understand that this too shall pass. When parting with a loved one, it often seems to us that life is over, and we can never love again. But, sooner or later, any pain will pass, and opportunities will open up for you to build a new relationship with a completely different person. Be prepared to accept these changes with gratitude!

• Get rid of everything that reminds you of your partner. There is nothing surprising in the fact that your common past will constantly remind you of a partner. Here is his favorite cup, and you bought this picture during your first vacation together ... Find the strength in yourself and throw away or give away everything that causes you pain and negative memories. Hide shared photos away, rearrange your furniture, change your wardrobe and hairstyle, make new friends and start doing what you've always wanted to do!

• Accept loneliness as a gift. Finally, you are on your own! This beautiful time in order to understand what you really want. Enjoy the opportunity to spend time on your own, start pampering yourself and giving yourself little surprises;

• Use pain as a motivation for your own development. Strong experiences allow a person to grow and become a more mature person. In addition, knowing how much it hurts, you may well find the strength in yourself to support other people who are going through a breakup. By your own example, you can show others that they, too, can survive after a breakup and become happy and free people;

• Give yourself time to recover. A broken arm heals in about six weeks. Get ready for the recovery broken heart will take you much longer - but it's not forever. This process usually takes a year or more. But, if you continue to experience the pain of breaking up even after two years, this suggests that you have not been able to fully understand your feelings for your partner, and this has led you to an emotional dead end. In this case, please contact professional help to a psychotherapist who will help you work through your negative experiences and get on the path of recovery;

• Let the feelings spill out. A breakup is usually accompanied by a lot of negative emotions such as pain, anger, guilt, and deep sadness. If you can't express your feelings, they will start destroying you from within. Therefore, be sure to find a person you trust and share your experiences with him. It is best if such a person turns out to be a professional psychologist. Until you destroy the wall of your negative emotions, it will block all of your positive feelings. Being able to fully cry out your grief is a very important part of the healing process;

• Let go of the past. Some people, even a few years after a breakup, continue to indulge themselves with the illusion that their ex-partner will come back. Close that door! Get over your pain and then let it go. This will help you find the strength to move on. Keeping memories of past relationships prevents you from starting new stage in your life and find a new partner;

• Pause. Do not rush into new romantic relationship immediately after a painful rupture. This attempt to avoid the pain of a breakup leads to you repeating your relationship mistakes over and over again. Rush relationships tend to end in disaster because you enter into them for the wrong reasons. Wait until you have fully recovered from the breakup before you start looking for a new partner. Take time out and be alone with yourself and your thoughts. After a while, you will be able to look at your failed relationship with completely different eyes, which will help you avoid mistakes with another person;

• Find a support group. No person can get through a breakup alone. Yes, this is not required! Seek support from people you can trust. They will give you understanding, acceptance and an unbiased attitude to current events. Because you were traumatized while in bad relationship, then it will be easiest for you to heal through healthy relationships. Ask for help from your relatives and close friends!

• Don't give up. Even if you are left all alone with no one to support you, understand that the only real failure is to stop trying to get up every time you fall;

• Find a source of strength. Find something for yourself that will help you persevere and move forward. For some, this may be an appeal to God, for some, creativity, and someone will see the point in self-development.

Of course, parting with a loved one is one of the most difficult, emotional and stressful situations. No one goes through the gap love relationship without loss at all, but by using these tips, you will be able to experience this moment of your life much easier.

Over time

Perhaps some time after the actual breakup, you will need to meet with former partner to deal with urgent matters. If you were married, then you will have to do this anyway, at least in order to formalize your divorce. How to behave in this situation?

Try not to show your ex-husband your negative feelings such as anger and pain, treat it as business partner. Hostility in this situation has not yet benefited anyone (except for lawyers). If both of you act in a civilized manner, then the divorce process will be much less painful. This is especially important if you have children. Although your relationship with your husband is already in the past, he is still a parent. Keep a civilized relationship with your ex-spouse, if only for the sake of your children.

Through some time after parting, you will realize that everything painful experiences left in the past. Now you have the opportunity to calmly enter a new phase of your life and accept the changes. Only a few years will pass, and you will be sincerely surprised that you could not imagine your life without this person and were going to always be with him. Believe you can do it! Coming through painful breakup you'll feel like you've become strong man. You will find that you are quite capable of living independently and able to cope with any difficulties and problems.