Development of the relationship between husband and wife. Every woman needs care. How to improve relationships with your husband - your husband is missing something

For many people, family is the most important thing on the ground. A warm home is a place where spouses long to find peace and tranquility. But sometimes, instead of positivity and peace, family life only brings mutual disappointment and anger. Why do most couples have so many problems life together? What is the reason for this large quantity divorces and unhappy marriages in modern society? What should you do to create a happy family?

It will help you understand these issues family psychology. This branch of psychology studies the building of harmonious and deep relationships between members of a social unit. First, let's figure out what a family is.

What is family?

A family is a group of people related by family or marriage ties living under the same roof, running a common household and having a common budget. The basis of the family is usually the spouses and their children. However, young people often live together with the parents of one of the partners. Each family member has his own responsibilities that he must fulfill for the common good.

What a family will be like is determined by a fairly wide range of factors. This is influenced by both the education of the spouses and their cultural level. Also of great importance is the ability of partners to understand each other, find joint solutions in conflict situations, and show care and patience.

Some reasons for an unhappy marriage

Many people complain that the partner with whom they started a family does not live up to their expectations. It turns out that the girl, who suffered throughout her childhood due to the fact that her father was an evil, selfish alcoholic, married the same scoundrel. Why did it happen so? Psychology family life argues that the foundation of such relationships is laid in childhood.

It is the relationship between parents that creates in the child the image of what marriage should be like.

So it turns out that subconsciously a person is looking for a partner who is similar to one of his parents, continuing an endless cycle of the same mistakes. After all, the children of such people will create their own family, relying on the experience of their parents, continuing the negative traditions of their ancestors.

Another problem is that often people try to start a family without getting to know each other properly. They are driven by passion or an unexpected pregnancy. But most of these families break up in the first year of marriage. Family psychology teaches that before taking a relationship to such a serious level, you need to get to know your partner well and accept him as he is.

Love in the family

Initially, when choosing a partner, people are guided by a person’s sexual attractiveness and external qualities. Sweet speeches of romantics about the divine nature of their feelings in most cases are a pathetic attempt to embellish the harsh reality. Only after a strong emotional connection is formed between people and they get to know inner world each other, love arises. Everyone says that a family is built on love, but why then do so many people suffer from a lack of warmth and mutual understanding?

The fact is that rarely a person is loved simply for what he is, accepting all his advantages and disadvantages.

Usually love is presented as a reward for good deeds, with threats to deprive it if the partner does not correspond to some ideal model. The basics of family psychology are to love your partner with all his qualities, good and bad. Instead of constantly biting your spouse for his shortcomings, it is better to focus on his strengths, expressing his sympathy and care as often as possible.

Psychology of family life. Conflict resolution

Another problem of family life is improper resolution of conflict situations. Often, serious conflicts or contradictions in the family are resolved in favor of one of the spouses or are not resolved at all. This state of affairs leads to the accumulation of mutual dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction with each other. Family psychology recommends resolving controversial or conflict situations, listen to your spouse, respect his or her opinion. This way you will have the skill collaboration, you will learn mutual respect and take your relationship to the next level.

Psychology. Family counseling

If problems in the family cannot be solved on your own, but there are reasons to save the marriage, then going to family psychologist. An outsider will be able to more objectively assess the real state of affairs than angry spouses.

If you decide to turn to a specialist, then be honest with him, only then his help will have a chance of success.

It is better to contact a qualified psychologist, beware of dubious doctors who practice unscientific, suspicious methods. If you know a couple who have already been helped by a similar specialist, listen to their feedback and, if they are positive, contact the same person.

Independent problem solving

If you don’t want to wash your dirty laundry in public by involving strangers in your relationship, then you will need to independently clean up the psychological garbage accumulated over the years of living together. This is why family psychology exists. The family is considered in this science from all sides; hundreds of different methods have been created to strengthen marriage ties. Some of them are listed above.

Many difficult periods await every young family, but by going through them together, you will only become closer friend to friend. The birth of children, aging, the appearance of grandchildren and many other stages of family life will pass like clockwork if mutual understanding is reached between the spouses. Address problems that arise in your marriage instead of simply putting them off. Then one day you will become a member of a harmonious and happy family. But while you don’t have much experience living together, family psychology will come to your aid.

Family relationships by various reasons may become complicated. Quarrels, betrayals, and crises often become prerequisites for divorce. How to preserve the family unit and return peace and tranquility to the home? How to improve relations with your husband on the verge of divorce? This can be difficult, but if both spouses want to save the marriage and start working on themselves, then everything will work out. Of course, there may be quite compelling reasons for a breakup, but the outcome of any relationship depends on how prepared the spouses are. life situations. May be required outside help, for example, advice from a psychologist. But in the struggle for personal and shared happiness, all methods are good.

What are the main reasons

Every family is different, but most family life problems are common and occur in many marriages. The main causes of family troubles include the following problems.

1. Inconsistency of reality with what was expected, idealization of the spouse and relationships.
2. Misunderstanding, inattention to the feelings and needs of the partner.
3. Unhealthy emotional condition one of the partners or both.
4. Incorrect division of roles in the family, attempts to gain the upper hand over a partner.
5. Inability to find a compromise and solve problems together, different look for life.
6. Betrayal, betrayal, loss of trust in each other.
7. Inability to admit your guilt, forgive your spouse and let go of the situation.

"Pink glasses"

Very often a woman becomes disappointed in her man after marriage. After all, she didn’t imagine him like that at all! Illusions invented by the woman herself arise during the period of falling in love, when it is impossible to adequately evaluate a partner. A woman in love does not see any flaws in a man; she tends to idealize him. After some time " pink glasses” subside, her completely imperfect husband appears in front of the wife. It is not without reason that there are many jokes that the fairy tale ends immediately after the wedding.

You should not hope that a man will live up to the ideal that a woman has created in her head. It is important to appreciate your real man. It’s not just that the woman chose him and fell in love. This means that there was something to love him for; you just need to remember his merits in the future. There is no need to compare him with other men (acquaintances, husbands of girlfriends, etc.); from the outside it is difficult to judge a person objectively. To truly know what another man is like, you need to live with him. You need to appreciate who is next to you. Maybe not everything is as bad as it seems?

Lack of mutual understanding

Many spouses face such a danger as quarrels based on misunderstandings. Each of them thinks that it is hard for him, but the other does not notice it. Usually it is the woman who reproaches. It is especially difficult for those housewives who have to raise several children while on maternity leave and do household chores at the same time. Having fallen out of the usual work environment, a woman does not feel like the same, socially active person. If she has no interests besides home and children, then her husband is doomed to endure Bad mood spouses. He cannot understand her concerns, and it seems to her that he does not want to understand and help her. Quarrels and reproaches will become regular, which can lead to a breakup.

Postpartum depression can significantly worsen the situation. In this case, the woman needs the help of a specialist. Advice from a psychologist and psychiatrist can help. If possible, it is better to enlist the help of relatives or a nanny to help with the children and around the house. The wife will have time for herself, doing what she loves, visiting beauty salons and chatting with friends. In this case, family relationships will become easier and more enjoyable. The wife will meet her husband at good mood, she will have a desire to be interested in his life, as before. The transition from quarrels and reproaches to calm conversations will allow you to return to your former mutual understanding.

Emotional problems

May occur for various reasons. It can be various diseases (hormonal imbalance, pathology thyroid gland, pituitary gland, adrenal glands, etc.), regular stress at work, in a team, problems with children or relatives, etc. Frequent nervous overstrain both within the family and outside it can lead not only to divorce, but also to serious illnesses.

To restore peaceful coexistence in the home, it is important to talk to each other calmly. In this case, both partners must meet each other halfway. Advice from a psychologist and consultations with doctors will not be superfluous. It is better to leave problems at work outside the family if possible, without transferring your irritation to your spouse.

Who's in charge?

If the roles in the family were initially distributed incorrectly, then sooner or later discontent will begin to brew in one of the spouses or both at once. Often women behave incorrectly in the family, trying to take on male obligations and make decisions for two. Then it begins to seem to them that the man does not want to bear responsibility. This may be true, but most likely, this distribution of roles arose through the fault of the woman, and in this case he only gave in. The man simply accepted everything as it was. But if a woman behaves like a man, then in order not to fight with her and not prove his dominance, he takes a feminine position.

A woman must learn to ask a man for help, and not demand something from him or speak to him in a commanding tone. A man likes to feel himself needed by a woman. Her requests, spoken in a soft tone, will be carried out much faster than orders. You should not take the palm from a man; let him lead, and a woman can gently guide him.

Finding compromises

A woman’s desire to be a leader in a relationship can lead her either to disappointment in a man who gives in, trying to save the relationship, or to serious confrontation. In this case, it often comes to divorce. It is better to reconsider your position before such a prospect looms on the horizon. But if a conversation about a breakup arises, then the woman should think about how to improve relations with her husband on the verge of divorce.

It is impossible to change a person by force, but you can force him to behave differently by changing your behavior towards a man. The search for a compromise should be mutual. He must also want to find a way out. Of course, if the woman becomes softer, he is more likely to agree to give in. It doesn't matter who is to blame, it is important to find a solution. Maybe you shouldn’t actively prove that you’re right? Mutual concessions will direct communication in the right direction.

What to do about betrayal?

Many families are faced with betrayal of each other. It is difficult to say which spouse is more prone to this. But it rarely happens that the opposing spouse is solely to blame. Surely the other half is also responsible for this. Regular quarrels, lack of meaningful sex life often lead to betrayal. Not every marriage can survive such an event. It is important to find out the reasons for the betrayal and the attitude of the cheating spouse to the situation.

How to improve relations with your husband after his betrayal? Great importance has a man's attitude towards his action. If he says that he is to blame and asks for forgiveness, then this is already good. But you shouldn’t forgive him right away. An insufficiently negative reaction to his action can lead to a further series of betrayals. If you nip them in the bud, then there is a chance to restore trust. Eliminating the cause of your husband’s infidelity will help restore a full family life.

After giving birth, many women develop complexes about their appearance or lose libido. Appearance is not as important as the woman’s attitude towards her. If she is unable to accept and love her body in a new form or her husband categorically does not like it appearance, then you need to take care of yourself.

Return sexual desire it is possible if the reasons for its absence are eliminated. Perhaps the woman is sick, she should be examined by a doctor. The presence of problems with the psycho-emotional sphere is also a serious factor that requires treatment.

How to forget?

A woman who has forgiven infidelity or another serious offense needs to stop reproaching the man for this. The goal is to improve relationships, not worsen them. Constant reproaches and quarrels based on the past can lead to repeated betrayals. You should spend more time together, make joint plans, this will distract you from the problem.

Gradually the memories will become less painful. Letting go of the situation is first and foremost important for the woman herself. This is the only way she can continue to live normally with this man.

Many girls when getting married, they draw pictures beautiful life in my imagination, something like this: after a few years of marriage, the husband will make a career or create a business, they will have children, the husband will carry her in his arms and will be grateful to her all his life. But in reality it turns out differently. After just a few months of living together, the wives begin to complain that the husband turned out to be greedy, is not at all interested in her life, and she does not even have the desire to talk to him. The “weather” in the house worsens many times if a child is born in the family. After all, the birth of a child strengthens a family only when love and mutual understanding reign between spouses. Where there are no deep feelings, a child will not be able to save him from divorce. With the birth of a child in such families, relationships become even more strained.

Before consider problem of strengthening the family, I want to tell you a Polish parable: “In one small town there lived a teacher - an old sage. One day he saw how his student caught a lot of fish, boiled it and now eats it with appetite. The sage asked his student: “Why did you give yourself there is so much fish in the plate?" He replied: "I love fish!" The teacher shook his head and said: "If you loved fish, you would have left it in the water. And here I see that you love yourself and your belly. There is no need to talk about love for fish when you enjoy eating it." This is the problem with relationships in many families. The love that many spouses talk about is not love at all. More precisely, love, but not for the spouse, but for oneself to yourself. Real, true and eternal love to yourself. Often this love knows no boundaries and becomes the reason for the collapse of a family.

From the birth the girl dreams of marrying a “prince” who will provide her with a happy and rich life. And she represents all this. In fact, a marriage with such an attitude is doomed to family life in advance, because it is like a trade agreement: I give you - you give me. Anyone who truly loves, every minute thinks only about how to make his spouse happy. He doesn't care whether he's a "prince" or a common person. The main thing is that he begins to live better nearby with her.

We are not re going accuse all girls of selfishness and inability to love. Nobody taught them to think differently from childhood. Everyone around them talked about love, but no one explained how it should manifest itself. So girls mistake “love for fish” for real feelings, and after marriage the romantic veil quickly falls from their eyes and bitter disappointment sets in. The price to pay for this mistake is a long family life, when two strangers are forced to live under the same roof. You can get out of this impasse only by filing for divorce, which many spouses do not dare to do, so as not to cause severe trauma to the child or for fear of losing what they have acquired over the years of marriage.

Family- this is a lot of work. Therefore, you need to marry the person you are ready to accept as he is and try to make him better during your life together. Only the one in whom we invest strength and effort becomes dearer and more beloved to us every day. There is no need to prove this truth. After all, every mother loves her children no matter what, even if they cause her a lot of trouble and trouble. Therefore, in order to truly love your husband, you need to start taking care of him. Of course, not in the sense of wiping his nose and changing his pants like a child. Just understand him, imagine him as your “child”, start investing your strength, knowledge and resources so that he achieves success. Each person loves, first of all, himself, and only those who are the creation of our hands or the result of our labor become dear and loved to us, because they merge with us and become part of us.

Only sacrificing By herself for the sake of her beloved man, a woman experiences feelings of affection, devotion and respect for him. Only these feelings can give a feeling of joy in family life. This is exactly how wives treat their husbands in real families, where spouses live happily ever after. They enjoy the fact that her husband enjoys her attention and care for him. Happy married women are those who know how to give more than they receive.

Of course here each a woman has the right to be indignant and say: “Suppose, with tomorrow I will take on all the household responsibilities - I will cook delicious food every day, keep the house clean and tidy, take care of the child, buy groceries, pay the rent, wash, iron and also go to work. I will give and give, but what in return?" But your goal should now be formulated a little differently. After all, the desire to get something in return is also consumption. Learn to give just to please yourself. Look at your husband from the other side , remember why you liked him before the wedding? Then build communication with him, taking into account those positive traits of his character for which you chose him as your life partner. Try to develop these positive traits and then those shortcomings that irritate you now will become imperceptible. Your husband will definitely feel how you have changed in better side and this will certainly affect not only your relationship with him, but also his desire to better take care of his family and make your life happy.

Not worth it forget about the fact that every man starts a family, hoping that his wife will surround him with love and attention, and to make their hope come true, not much is needed.

Overcome be lazy and start working equally with your husband. You don't have to wait for someone to provide you with decent life, look for ways out of this situation yourself and offer your husband ideas that will help him achieve good luck. If you think that you are just a weak and helpless woman, then you should not demand from your husband that he “conquer the peaks” and provide better for the family.

Often in families there are crisis situations, accompanied by the appearance of irritation to to a loved one, various quarrels without reasons, misunderstandings and conflicts.

It is difficult to call a family a tandem in which each person is busy with his own affairs and does not show attention and care to his spouse. Cooling of relationships in a couple may be due to:

• material problems that need to be solved;
• lack of intimate balance;
• betrayals;
• strong jealousy;
• different life values, interests, guidelines and positions in matters related to raising children;
• everyday life and boredom;
• bad habits of one of the partners;
• long distance marriage.

Few people think about the fact that such changes in relationships may occur when going to the registry office. Leading psychologists tell you how to improve your relationship with your husband and return the former passion to your relationship.

Men don't have telepathy

The majority of women prefer playing hints to discussing their own thoughts and desires, sincerely hoping that the man they love understands perfectly well what is happening without words. In fact, the exact opposite happens, because men cannot read minds.

Instead of playing the silent game and thereby preparing the ground for new quarrels, it would be much better to just talk to your husband. Share with him your own thoughts, experiences and desires, many of which he is not even aware of due to constant silence.

Only in this case will a man have great chance do everything right and help you solve any problems that arise.

Every person needs to maintain personal space, even while in long term relationship. Perhaps after a difficult working day the man simply wants to get home and rest.

In fact, after returning home, many are faced with demands for attention from their wife, who asks to study the accounts, deal with the children and resolve other issues that do not always require the husband’s intervention. Many issues are not so urgent and can wait until the husband relaxes a little.

Numerous psychological studies have long proven that the impression we get from meeting a loved one, even after a short separation, can set the mood for the rest of the time. To ensure that your husband rushes home happily after work, greet him accordingly, giving only positive emotions.

Dissatisfaction with each other increases as a result of the accumulation of grievances and anger that a person is unable to suppress. Often when a man makes mistakes, a woman’s attitude changes radically, which is manifested by hints, subtext, and body language.

It soon becomes obvious that even a forced desire to punish a man begins to have the opposite effect, becoming the cause of serious conflicts.

It is extremely important to understand that all people are prone to make certain mistakes, so it is necessary to learn to forgive.

If a man sincerely regrets what he did and treats you with trepidation and love, it’s time to forget about the troubles and focus your attention and efforts on improving your relationship in order to prevent the situation from reoccurring.

Don't forget to pay attention to yourself

Has your relationship cooled down, and your husband no longer receives the same attention? Perhaps it's time to stop focusing on your relationship problems and take care of yourself. Often a man’s passion and interest disappears for the simple reason that a woman stops caring for herself.

Improving any relationship is impossible without self-improvement and developing self-love. Give yourself as much free time as possible, taking care of your body, visiting gyms and doing what you like.

The result will not be long in coming, because the husband’s attention will certainly be attracted by such pleasant changes taking place with his beloved woman.

Discard criticism and unfounded conclusions

Very often, a discussion of men’s problems with a wife ends with criticism on her part and the formation of unpleasant conclusions that contribute to a decrease in the spouse’s self-esteem.

If you use similar tactics in communicating with your husband, do not be surprised that soon everything sincere conversations will be reduced to zero. The same advice applies to actions that are often perceived and judged incorrectly.

A striking example is the following situation: imagine that you are delayed at work and you are forced to ask your husband to do homework with the children and wash the dishes in the kitchen.

What will you do if, upon returning home, a sink filled with dishes is still waiting for you in the kitchen, and you find your husband asleep in front of the TV? Almost every second woman will start a quarrel, which is fundamentally wrong.

In this situation, you should first of all calm down and look at the situation from the other side. It may turn out that the man also had a rather difficult day, and working with children took away his last strength.

Remember that calm conversations can solve much more problems rather than shouting and insults!

Create new family quite easy - you just need to submit an application and just sign at the registry office. You don't even have to attend a wedding to do this. But not everyone knows what to do next, like between husband and wife after marriage.

Preliminary discussion

What is needed to avoid surprises after the wedding? It’s simple, you can try to discuss all the nuances of family future life, or you can even try to live together, seeing if life is easy for the couple. This will make it clear whether the relationship between husband and wife will be able to improve normally after the wedding ceremony.

Everyone knows the old saying that the husband is the head and the wife is the neck. You shouldn’t resist this, because it’s even more likely folk wisdom than just a saying. From this it follows that to lead family life should only be done by a woman. But this does not mean that only women do household chores: cook, clean, do laundry. Roles in the house should be distributed equally (unless, of course, the wife is a housewife). It won’t be at all difficult for a man to wash dishes every day and help with cleaning on the weekend. But the husband must be accustomed to this, after all, parental family he might not have done it.

Conflicts

None normal relationship between husband and wife will not develop without conflicts; there will always be something that will cause an argument or indignation of one half of the couple. How to behave correctly in such situations? There are a huge number of options, but there are a couple very practical advice. Even if you need to think with your head, completely turning it off will save the couple from many protracted quarrels. Also, in the heat of conflict, there is no need to hit your loved one in the most painful places; this is easy to do, but then you will have to clean it all up. Well, one more piece of advice: in a quarrel you should not involve the relatives of your significant other, no matter how harmful they may be. All the same, for the partner, they have been and will remain family; you should not “hit” what is most precious to you.

What other advice can psychology give? Everything will be fine between husband and wife when the couple has a common hobby and they can spend time together. free time, rest. It is also good to have a common circle of friends for this. After all, a couple should support each other not only in grief, but also in joy. But here it is also important not to overdo it, because each partner in a couple also needs a separate rest, let’s say “a break from each other.” Therefore, running away from your soul mate is not only possible, but also necessary. But it’s always better to let your loved one know when you want to relax alone, so as not to needlessly disturb him.

Confidence

No normal relationship between husband and wife can be built without trust. Always and in everything. If someone has a secret, this, one might say, is the beginning of the end. But here it is also worth separating the zones. There are special things that your partner simply doesn’t need to know about; you shouldn’t let your loved one in there. The rest is only trust and no secrets.

Problem solving

And one more very important advice. In order for the relationship between husband and wife to be normal, all conflicts that arise must be resolved. They cannot be avoided or put off. If you don’t like something or are not happy with it, everything needs to be “put on the table” right away. And if you accumulate grievances and grief, and then dump everything en masse on your lover, this will not make anyone feel better. Everything is on time and in order, then peace, tranquility and mutual understanding will reign in the family.