What to do with a tantrum in a child. Nervous and physical strain. As a conclusion

Hysteria is a manifestation of negative emotions aimed at attracting attention from others. Temper tantrums are demonstrative manifestations of a child's anger or desperation.

The manifestation of hysteria in a child is usually due to the fact that he does not get what he wants or he cannot do something on his own. At the age of 3, the child has not yet learned to restrain his emotions, his speech is still poorly developed and he cannot correctly show his feelings and desires.

Children's tantrums are quite common, observed in 90% of children. Tantrums begin in some children at 9 months, more often at a year and a half, and by the age of four this is already a rare occurrence. Children's tantrums can be a manifestation of the character of the baby or as a way of manipulation.

Causes

signs

Very often, children's tantrums are the result of the wrong reaction and behavior of adults.

If everything is allowed for a child, his mother and grandmother love him very much and do not forbid anything, the baby develops a feeling of permissiveness. At 3 years old, the baby still does not understand what he is doing wrong, does not understand the reaction of his parents to his actions. Small children at the age of 2-3 often see only tenderness and a smile in response to all their actions, if they are scolded, this does not always happen. Mom can be more strict in some matters, and dad and grandmother allow absolutely everything, as a result, the baby cannot figure out "what is good, what is bad."

Very often, mothers turn to child psychologists when their child turns 2.5 or 3 years old. At this age, many children begin to attend kindergarten. Parents cease to recognize their smiling and friendly baby. Some children at the age of 3 categorically refuse to go to kindergarten, to part with their mother, wake up at night and cry. In the morning, during the preparations for the nursery, some babies begin to cry loudly, scream, and vomiting may occur against the background of general anxiety.

After the mother brought the baby to kindergarten, he may refuse to undress and go to a group with other children. The sight of the teacher is another annoying factor for him, and he throws a new tantrum. Sometimes the parents of such children are surprised: "how much strength you need to have to cry almost all day."

Hysteria in a child can be observed dozens of times a day, this of course greatly exhausts him and his parents. Such children do not sleep well, wake up at night and cry. Not all mothers can leave the baby with their grandmother and not take them to kindergarten. Parents need to work and don't know what to do with a kid who doesn't want to go to school. kindergarten, sleeps and eats poorly, wakes up at night and cries.

Children's tantrums, according to psychologists, are a manifestation of the "crisis of 3 years." At this time, the baby is forming him as a person with his own separate "I".

stages

There are three stages in the manifestation of hysteria in children of 3 years of age.

Peculiarities nervous system is innate quality, in early childhood appears most clearly. Parents should determine the warehouse of the nervous system of their baby in time, in order to properly educate him in the future, develop tactics for their behavior. Proper upbringing will help him to cope with difficult life situations and stress, grow up a full-fledged, successful person.

Types of the nervous system

Children with a weak type of nervous system. This type of nervous system is characterized by slow processes of inhibition and excitation in the brain. Such children are very impressionable, afraid of everything, they are not sociable with adults and peers, touchy. He reacts strongly to conflicts in the family, has low self-esteem. Children with a weak type of nervous system easily get out of balance, but they never show their emotions violently, do not scream. In a state of stress, he completely loses control over his actions, becomes insane, unpredictable. They have poor appetite, are very selective in food, do not sleep well, wake up at night. In education, parents need to show more affection and care, praise their child. Do household chores with your children, communicate as much as possible with relatives. If the baby wakes up at night and cries, it is necessary to calm the baby, some children sleep with their mothers;

Children with a strong type of nervous system. This type of nervous system is characterized by a balance in the processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain. Such children show negative emotions only on weighty occasions, but, as a rule, they always arrive at good mood are cheerful and sociable. Parents do not apply special efforts in education, rarely occur conflict situations. Children are very sociable, easily converge in communication with adults and children. They get carried away quickly various activities, it is not difficult for them to understand the principle of some kind of game or business, but having figured it out, they quickly change their hobbies. The negative feature is the fact that they are not constant, they do not keep their promises, they do not keep the daily routine, they go to bed late, it is difficult to wake up in the morning;

Children with an unbalanced type of nervous system. For this type of nervous system, it is characteristic that the processes of excitation prevail over the processes of inhibition. Children of this type of nervous system are very excitable, a new event or toy causes a violent reaction in them. As a rule, they have bad dream, wake up at night, cry, their sleep is superficial. Among peers they behave very noisily, they like to be in the center of everyone's attention. Having started some business, they are easily distracted, they cannot finish it. They do not like monotonous affairs, among their peers they try to take the place of a leader. From the side of adults, such children cannot stand any criticism, they react very painfully to comments, they can scream, get angry, give up everything and leave. Raising such children requires great patience from parents. Parents should help the child finish the game or any business, teach him to be restrained and patient;

Children with a slow type of nervous system. In children with such a warehouse of the nervous system, the processes of inhibition predominate over the processes of excitation. These babies usually make their parents happy. good sleep night and appetite. Up to 1 year they gain weight well, sometimes above the norm. Children are calm, loneliness is not painful for them, they always find something to do. They surprise adults with their prudence, consider actions, are predictable in actions. He doesn't like sharp drops other people's moods. Such children are very slow, but if they take up some business, they will definitely bring it to the end. It is sometimes very difficult for parents to understand the mood of their child, because he is very restrained in the manifestations of emotions. The main role in the education of parents is the constant motivation for action. It is necessary to choose outdoor games where you need to run fast and a lot, talk.

Children with a weak and unbalanced type of nervous system are prone to strong tantrums.

Children's tantrums in babies under 1 year old can be in the form of prolonged and heart-rending crying, which occurs even with small errors in care (hunger or thirst, wet diapers, hot in the room, wants to sleep, suffers from colic), such children very often wake up at night .

One-year-old babies cry for a long time, even if all causes for concern are eliminated. Parents in this case should seek help from a pediatric neurologist, because such prolonged crying, restlessness at night can be one of the symptoms of increased intracranial pressure.

Pathology and dysfunction of the central nervous system is not only a consequence of perinatal problems, it is necessary to exclude congenital diseases.

Parenting Tactics

• Easier to prevent. Parents should not wait until a child's tantrum is fully developed, it is necessary to feel and anticipate the situation. You must distract in time 3- summer child from an annoying situation to some other object or animal: “Look, what a bird, a dog!”, And who is coming to us? Parents should show sympathy for the negative emotions of the baby, hug him, kiss, calm, talk. The distraction method helps parents only on initial stage the development of hysteria, but if this is in full swing, then it will not be possible to distract the baby, they will not hear you;
• Boycott the tantrum. The kid needs to know that you can't stand tantrums. Parents need to pretend that they do not notice the tantrum, do not see anything, boycott it. Go to another room, put on your headphones, turn on the TV. No need to shout, persuade, hit on the pope, just don't react;
• Isolate the child for a while. If the tantrum happened in children's team or in public place take the baby to another room or to a remote place where there are no people, noise and toys. In another place, he should be as long as necessary in order for him to calm down. At this moment, the most important thing for parents is to keep their own calm and try not to show their irritability, children very subtly feel the mood of mom or dad;
• Don't change tactics. The tactics of parental behavior in case of manifestations of children's hysteria should always be the same, even in a public place;
• Talk to your baby, learn to understand each other. Try to find together the right words to express his emotions "I'm angry", "I don't like", "I'm sad". IN game form with a baby at the age of 3 years, you can rehearse these expressions.

A child’s hysteria is not a reason to stop communicating with him during the day, you don’t have to express your dissatisfaction later, constantly remember this moment. Don't lose your kid's trust!

When asked what hysterical behavior is, mothers will answer without hesitation: aggressiveness, loud screams, tears, uncontrolled actions. Similar signs often found in children 2 to 5 years of age.

In any case, a tantrum in a child of any age will not leave indifferent either his relatives or eyewitnesses of the attack. How to behave in a similar situation to the mother? Punish? Slap? Ignore? regret? The main thing is to keep calm.

A hysterical attack in children (no matter at what age - at 2, 3 years old, at 7 or 8 years old) is characterized by emotional arousal, aggressiveness, which can be directed at others or at oneself.

The child begins to sob, scream, fall to the floor or ground, bang his head against the wall, or scratch his body. At the same time, he almost completely “disconnects” from reality: he does not perceive the words of other people and does not feel pain.

In especially severe cases, there are involuntary convulsive reactions, which are known in medicine under the name "hysterical bridge". The body of the baby arches in the form of an arc, and his muscles become tense.

It is necessary to distinguish between a hysterical attack and a whim. The first is characterized by involuntary. Capricious behavior is a deliberate step, based on the desire to possess any thing. Such techniques are often included in the "arsenal" of children prone to manipulative actions.

Hysteria in young children most often usually proceeds according to a similar scenario and includes several stages. Each of them is characterized by certain symptoms, which you need to know, as this will help to quickly stop the attack.

The main stages of a hysterical attack in children:

1. Harbingers. Before the “concert”, a child of 2 or 3 years old begins to express displeasure. It can be whimpering, sniffling, prolonged silence, or clenching fists. At this point, the tantrum can still be prevented.
2. Voice. At this stage, the child begins to scream, and so loudly that it can scare others. Demanding to stop is useless - he is cut off from reality and does not hear anyone.
3. Motor. The active actions of the child begin - throwing things, stomping, rolling on the ground or floor. This phase represents for the baby greatest danger, because he can be injured, because he does not feel pain.
4. Z final. Having received a "relaxation", hysterical children seek support and consolation from their parents. The kids are tired physically and mentally, since such a strong emotional shock takes a lot of strength from them.

An exhausted child usually falls asleep quickly, and his sleep will be deep enough.

Who is most prone to tantrums?

Psychologists note that not all kids are equally prone to hysterical seizures. The frequency and strength of an emotional outburst is determined by the type of temperament and higher nervous activity:

• melancholic. These are children with a weak nervous system, characterized by increased anxiety, often mood swings. Such a baby is often hysterical, however, due to the weakness of the central nervous system, it soon returns to normal;
• sanguine. Children with this type of nervous activity at any age (whether at 2 years old, or at 7 or 8 years old) are usually in a good mood. Tantrums can happen if the cause is severe stress. However, this rarely happens;
• choleric. Such children are characterized by an unbalanced character and bright emotional outbursts. Hysterical attacks occur suddenly in small choleric people, and are often accompanied by aggressive manifestations;
• phlegmatic. Such kids already at 4 years old (and even younger) are characterized by calm behavior and prudence. In them, inhibition processes prevail over excitation, so tantrums practically do not occur.

Based on the foregoing, we can conclude that mothers and fathers of small melancholic and choleric children, that is, children with unbalanced types of nervous activity, will complain about children's tantrums more often.

Before proceeding directly to the factors that provoke the occurrence of children's hysteria, it is necessary to dwell in more detail on the features of the development of three-year-old children.

At about 3 years old (give or take 7 or 8 months), children begin a period known as the "crisis of three years of age." From this moment, the child realizes himself as a separate person from his parents, he has a desire for independence.

You can learn more about such a psychological phenomenon as in another article. child psychologist. This material contains many useful tips, including the fight against the hysterical behavior of the child.

For all children, such a crisis period can manifest itself in its own way, but usually psychologists distinguish a kind of seven-star signs:

It would seem that at 2 years old the baby was so obedient, and now he starts to do everything “out of spite”: he takes off his clothes if he is asked to wrap himself up; throws a toy if asked to pick it up.

Tantrums at this time are quite common, in especially difficult situations, the baby is naughty 7 or 8 times a day (of course, classic hysterical seizures are much less common).

When a child turns four years old, tantrums gradually fade away, as other, more advanced methods of expressing their own emotions and desires appear in the children's arsenal.

To know how to deal with constant child tantrums, you need to have an idea of ​​what causes them. The solution to the problem will depend on what exactly triggered the hysterical reaction.

The most popular reason for tantrums in babies is conflicts that inevitably arise in parent-child relationships. In addition, do not forget about age features children at 3 years old.

In general, the cause of a hysterical reaction in three-year-olds can be several main factors:

Thus, each hysteria has some underlying reason. It is worth understanding that three year old he is not going to deliberately anger his mother, on the contrary, his own attack also scares him. That is why it is necessary to respond correctly to children's behavior.

If tantrums in a child of 3 years old become more frequent, the advice of a psychologist will come in handy. And the most important recommendation- Avoid hysterical attacks. That is, your goal is not to fight the reaction, but to prevent it and mitigate the severity of outbreaks:

1. It is important to maintain a daily routine. Both toddlers at 3 years old and children at 7 years old feel safe if you follow a clear daily routine. Therefore, you need to try to put the child to bed at a certain time during the day and in the evening.
2. We need to prepare the child for the coming changes. For example, you need to warn about a future visit to the kindergarten not when the baby crosses the threshold for the first time. preschool, but a few weeks before the event.
3. You must be firm in your decision. No need to change your firm decision in response to tantrums and whims. How older child, the more bad behavior turns into a form of manipulation. By the age of 7 or 8, you simply cannot cope with the young manipulator.
4. Bans should be revisited. On the other hand, it is necessary to "revise" the restrictions and leave only the really vital ones. But it is better to refuse optional prohibitions. Who said you can't make sandwiches if lunch is delayed?
5. Children should be given a choice. Three-year-olds need independence and independence, which can be provided by the usual alternative. The child can decide for himself which blouse to wear for a walk - blue or yellow.
6. Try to pay maximum attention. Children tend to get parental attention by any means, even bad ones. Try to spend more time with your child and respond to his desire to be with you.

It is important to carefully monitor how the child reacts to the development of the situation. If you notice the harbingers of hysterical behavior (clenched fists, whimpering, formidable silence), it is better to immediately switch the baby's interest to something else.

How to stop a tantrum in a child?

If the hysterical attack has not yet gone too far, the baby can be distracted unusual object or sudden action. This method occasionally works, but you should also know other tricks to reduce the intensity of passions:

Do not think that after the first application of one of the above recommendations, tantrums will disappear. Some mothers think that as soon as they leave the room, the child will calm down. This is simply not possible because it takes time to form a new habit.

What to do after a tantrum?

It must be understood that work with the child begins precisely after the end of hysterical reactions. They should be dealt with sequentially and progressively, unless, of course, you want them to be repeated again and again.

First of all, it is necessary to teach the child socially acceptable methods of expressing their feelings and aspirations. The best way to do this is through role-playing games or reading special literature - fairy tales and poems.

You should also convey to the children the idea that they will not always be able to get what they want. Moreover, the desired is not achieved with the help of such undesirable actions as screams, tears, jerking of the lower limbs.

Always explain to the little "bully" how much his act upset you. Be sure to demonstrate that your love for him is unconditional, but tantrums make you feel a lot of unpleasant emotions.

Children's tantrums are often fixed in the child's behavior and become a habit. Therefore, this problem cannot be solved quickly. In addition, the duration of retraining will depend on the type of temperament of the baby. The most difficult thing will be with little choleric people.

Most often, after six or eight weeks of regular work of the parents, the tantrums in the child stop. However, in rare cases, such behavior not only does not stop, but also becomes more frequent or severe.

Tantrums in a 4-year-old child are still more rare than commonplace. Therefore, if at this age hysterical attacks are repeated, we can assume the presence of diseases of the nervous system.

You should contact a pediatric neurologist if:

If medical examination does not detect deviations in health, then, most likely, the problem may be in the area parent-child relationship or in an inadequate reaction of loved ones to the behavior of the baby.

Should not be given to a child sedatives By own will. Inadequate medical therapy can harm the baby, therefore, treatment can be carried out only after examination by a neurologist and only with prescribed medications.

As a conclusion

The answer to the question of how to deal with a child's tantrums worries many parents. This problem becomes especially relevant when the baby is three years old.

Experts are convinced that whims and mild hysterical attacks are not a deviation from the norm in three years old. This period is characterized by crisis phenomena, which become the source of problematic behavior.

Usually after finishing crisis period hysterical fits disappear. If they recur after 4-5 years, it is better to contact specialists who will confirm or dispel doubts.

In general, it is important to respond correctly to ambiguous children's actions. Parents should communicate more with the child, teach him to manage his emotions, and demonstrate his unconditional love.

In this case, the child's tantrums will lose their sharpness and brightness, which means that soon the baby will stop using them as an instrument of pressure on parents. Therefore, very soon calm and peace will reign in the family.

Children's tantrums can complicate the life of any, even very patient adults. Just yesterday, the baby was a “darling”, and today he has been replaced - he screams for any reason, squeals, falls to the floor, beats his head against the walls and carpet, and no exhortations help. Such unpleasant scenes are almost never one-time protests. Often, tantrums in a child are repeated systematically, sometimes several times a day.

This cannot but disturb and puzzle parents who are wondering what they did wrong, is everything okay with the baby and how to stop these antics. Authoritative famous pediatrician Yevgeny Komarovsky tells moms and dads how to respond to children's tantrums.

About the problem

Children's tantrums are a ubiquitous phenomenon. And even if the parents of the little one say that they have the calmest baby in the world, this does not mean that he never makes scenes out of the blue. Until recently, it was somehow embarrassing to admit to tantrums in one’s own child, the parents were embarrassed, suddenly others would think that they were raising a little one poorly, and sometimes they were completely afraid that their beloved child would be considered mentally “not like that”. So they fought, as best they could, in the family circle.

IN last years they began to talk about the problem with specialists, child psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists and pediatricians. And an insight came: there are much more hysterical children than it might seem at first glance. According to statistics available to child psychologists in one of the major Moscow clinics, 80% of children under the age of 6 have tantrums periodically, and 55% of such children have tantrums on a regular basis. On average, children can fall into such attacks from 1 time per week to 3-5 times a day.

A child's tantrum has certain basic symptoms. As a rule, an attack is preceded by some identical events and situations.

During a tantrum, a child can scream heart-rendingly, tremble, choke, and there will not be so many tears. There may be shortness of breath, an increased heart rate, and many children try to hurt themselves by scratching their faces, biting their hands, hitting walls or the floor. Attacks in children are quite long, after which they cannot calm down for a long time, sobbing.

In certain age periods tantrums acquire stronger manifestations; at such “critical” stages of growing up, emotional outbursts change their color. They may suddenly appear, or they may just as suddenly disappear. But tantrums should never be ignored, just as a child should not be allowed to manipulate adult family members with the help of screaming and stamping their feet.

The opinion of Dr. Komarovsky

First of all, Evgeny Komarovsky believes, parents should remember that a child in a state of hysteria necessarily needs a spectator. Toddlers never make a fuss in front of the TV or washing machine, they choose a living person, and from the family members, it is the one who is most sensitive to his behavior that is suitable for the role of the spectator.

If dad starts to worry and get nervous, then it will be he who will be chosen by the child for a spectacular tantrum. And if the mother ignores the behavior of the child, then throwing a tantrum in front of her is simply not interesting.

How to wean a child from tantrums will tell Dr. Komarovskaya in the next video.

This opinion somewhat contradicts the generally accepted opinion of child psychologists, who argue that a child in a state of hysteria does not control himself at all. Komarovsky is sure that the baby is perfectly aware of the situation and the balance of power, and everything that he does at this moment does it quite arbitrarily.

That's why main advice from Komarovsky - in no way show that the children's "concert" touches the parents in any way. No matter how strong the tears, screams and stamping of feet were.

If a child ever achieves his goal with the help of a tantrum, he will use this method all the time. Komarovsky warns parents to appease the baby during a tantrum.

To give in means to become a victim of manipulation, which will, in one way or another, constantly improving, continue for the rest of your life.

Preferably calm tactics of behavior and rejection of tantrums were followed by all family members, so that mom's "no" never turns into dad's "yes" or grandma's "maybe". Then the child will quickly understand that hysteria is not a method at all, and will stop testing adults' nerves for strength.

If the grandmother begins to show softness, to feel sorry for the child offended by the parental refusal, then she runs the risk of becoming the only spectator of children's tantrums. The problem, says Komarovsky, is the lack of physical security with such grandmothers. After all, usually a grandson or granddaughter gradually ceases to obey them and can fall into unpleasant situation, in which they can be injured on a walk, burn yourself with boiling water in the kitchen, put something into the socket, etc., because the baby will not react to the calls of the grandmother.

What to do?

If a child is 1-2 years old, he is quite quickly able to form correct behavior at the reflex level. Komarovsky advises to put the baby in the arena, where he will have a safe space. As soon as the tantrum began, leave the room, but let the child know that he is being heard. As soon as the little one is silent, you can go into his room. If the cry is repeated - go out again.

According to Evgeny Olegovich, two days are enough for a child of one and a half to two years to develop a stable reflex - “mother is nearby if I don’t yell”.

For such a “training”, parents will need truly iron nerves, the doctor emphasizes. However, their efforts will certainly be rewarded by the fact that through a short time their family will grow adequate, calm and obedient child. And one more important point- how earlier parents apply this knowledge in practice, so it will be better for everyone. If the child has already exceeded 3 years, this method alone is indispensable. More painstaking work on the bugs will be required. First of all, over parental mistakes in raising their own child.

The child does not obey and is hysterical

Absolutely any children can be naughty, says Komarovsky. Much depends on the character, temperament, upbringing, norms of behavior that are accepted in the family, on the relationship between members of this family.

Do not forget about the "transitional" age - 3 years, 6-7 years, adolescence.

3 years

At the age of about three years, the child understands and realizes himself in this big world, and, of course, he wants to try this world for strength. In addition, children at this age are not all and far from always able to express in words their feelings, emotions and experiences on any occasion. So they show them in the form of hysterics.

Quite often on this age stage night tantrums begin. They are spontaneous in nature, the child simply wakes up at night and immediately practices a piercing cry, arches, sometimes tries to break away from adults and try to run away. Usually night tantrums do not last so long, and the child "outgrows" them, they stop as suddenly as they began.

6-7 years old

At 6-7 years of age, new stage growing up. The kid is already ripe in order to go to school, and they begin to demand more from him than before. He is very afraid of not meeting these requirements, he is afraid of “failing”, stress accumulates and sometimes spills out again in the form of hysteria.

Yevgeny Komarovsky emphasizes that most often parents turn to doctors with this problem when the child is already 4-5 years old, when tantrums occur “out of habit”.

If, at an earlier age, parents failed to stop such behavior and unwittingly became participants in a tough performance that the baby plays in front of them every day, trying to achieve something of his own.

Parents are usually scared by some external manifestation tantrums, such as a semi-conscious state of the child, convulsions, "hysterical bridge" (arching the back), deep sobs and shortness of breath. Affective-respiratory disorders, this is what Evgeny Olegovich calls this phenomenon, are characteristic mainly of children early age- up to 3 years. At strong crying the child exhales almost the entire volume of air from the lungs, and this leads to blanching, holding the breath.

With such manifestations of hysteria, it is still better to consult a pediatric neurologist, since the same symptoms are characteristic of some nervous disorders.

• Teach your child to express emotions in words. Do not get angry or annoyed at all, like anyone else normal person your child can't. You just need to teach him how to express his anger or irritation correctly.
• A child prone to hysterical attacks should not be overly patronized, groomed and cherished, it is best to send him to kindergarten as soon as possible. There, says Komarovsky, seizures usually do not occur at all due to the lack of permanent and impressionable spectators of tantrums - mom and dad.
• Hysterical attacks can be learned to anticipate and control. To do this, parents need to carefully observe when a tantrum usually begins. The child may be sleepy, hungry, or he does not tolerate when they begin to rush him. Try to avoid potential "conflict" situations.
• At the first sign of a tantrum starting, you should try to distract the child. Usually, says Komarovsky, this “works” quite successfully with children under three years old. With older guys it will be more difficult.
• If your child tends to hold his breath during a tantrum, there is nothing particularly wrong with that. Komarovsky says that in order to improve breathing, you just need to blow in the face of the baby, and he will definitely take a breath reflexively.
• No matter how difficult it is for parents to deal with the tantrums of the child, Komarovsky strongly recommends that you go through with this. If you let the kid beat you with a tantrum, then it will be even more difficult. After all, a hysterical and completely unbearable teenager of 15-16 years old will one day grow out of a hysterical three-year-old. It will ruin the life of not only parents. He makes it very difficult for himself.

• Doctor Komarovsky

Children's tantrums are one of the most unpleasant aspects parental life. Most parents are taught that there is only one reliable way reaction to tantrum - ignore it. However, it makes sense to learn to distinguish between tantrums of different origins - after all, you need to respond to them in different ways. We tell you how the scandals that children roll up and the development of their brains are connected.

I don't want to scare! BUT! My daughter with primary school studied: chess (Moscow Championship), choreography, violin (she graduated from a music school), horseback riding, swimming (sports school). Studied for 4-5. She herself passed the OGE and entered the medical class. Everything was fine. And then she closed herself in, "everything is fine," but without revelations. I wrote off transitional age. Tantrums began, too, not for everyone, then thoughts of suicide. We went to a psychologist, then to a psychiatrist. Ta-dam! Diagnosis, antidepressants, antipsychotics... And now my daughter is important to me, not her studies and achievements. And it all started so well!

Evening tantrums. How to cope? Parental experience. A child from birth to one year. Care and upbringing of a child up to a year: nutrition, illness, development. Evening tantrums. How to cope? For some reason it seemed to me that they should pass.

Discussion

It seems to me that the child is simply overexcited in the evening, try to reduce the impressions of the day, soothing herbs in the bath, you can do a massage. She relieves stress so much.

Overwalks, catch the moment before and put to bed. It saved me to put my daughter on my chest on my tummy, cover myself with a blanket, and so we lie with her until she falls asleep

Whims and tantrums. Child psychology. Child developmental psychology: child behavior, fears, whims, tantrums. My daughter has always been difficult, but what is happening now is just terrible, and I have ceased to cope with it.

Discussion

Surround with love, tastier food, give gifts, go shopping, pierce your ears, do not express your opinion until you ask. Help in everything, solve her problems. She feels like she's been abandoned by you. I say to my people: hush, hush, now let's see what can be done! And I do something to solve her problems. About the dog - that hurts, yes. Maybe there are breeds that are not allergic? Traveling is not a reason to deny a child a friend who is really needed during her tantrums. Health - yes, this is a reason. Alternatively, you can say that you will grow up, you will live separately, you will start, and I will walk with her while you are at work))

how else can she let off steam in a closed living space
yes, she is dissatisfied with herself, in an emotional impasse
How can she let off that steam?
why the earrings did not please you - she is 9 years old and not months old
only now they need to be looked after, and sometimes they get inflamed, and sometimes they don’t learn to change the earring and have to be pierced, in short, it’s still a hassle
if she is not afraid and she is ready for it - well, pierce, sometimes such a trifle helps
you can’t help with a dog, but you can try volunteering in a kennel if she has such a love for dogs, and not the whim “I want a live toy”
this is neurology - through hysteria, the nervous system is discharged and it is easier for a person
but this means that the tension is critical, it would be better to dump it in advance - even with tears, even with loud singing, at least with something else
gymnastics is apparently not right, there is not a free release of energy, but tight control over the body, the tension spring is twisted even more
you need something not professional - try trampolines, not a professional in the section, but fitness, there - freedom of flight

Child developmental psychology: child behavior, fears, whims, tantrums. Help how to react to the violent daily tantrums of a 7-year-old boy. There is an older 12-year-old sister, a completely different calm child.

Discussion

Read Townsend's book "Children, Limits, Limits." The psychologist recommended to us.
A lot fell into place. Just need to work. Education in this matter requires the self-discipline of parents. But it works. Helped us a lot with our son. Well, plus advice. The reasons may be different. As we were explained that 7 years of crisis - separation from parents, school, a new role for students, and so on. much has been written on the internet
And I highly recommend the book.

I think that at this age, tantrums should be present.

Whims and tantrums. Child psychology. A five-year-old daughter can throw a tantrum for any reason. Yesterday it was not possible to draw as she wanted, and all my arguments that a simple pencil can be erased and corrected with an eraser were not accepted.

Discussion

I read it - as if a portrait was painted from my daughter. Only she is younger, 3 years old. I attributed everything to the crisis of 3 years of age, but now I’m wondering if it is.
Lena, don’t you associate tantrums with the physical well-being of your girl? In our country, for example, the main provoking factors are lack of sleep or hunger (he does not eat well in the kindergarten, so by the time he is taken away, he is already ready for a tantrum). But if you can somehow solve the problem with hunger, then it’s more difficult with lack of sleep.
Of course, you should take your daughter to a neurologist, but it seems to me that this will not solve the whole problem. The baby will not live on sedatives all the time.
And about spoiled is also doubtful. I am accused of the same, that from the first days I fulfilled all my desires, and now I am paying the price. And who did not perform them when the child is tiny?
read on the topic child behavior, observed other children, and came to the conclusion that there is simply some part of them, which, on its own, has a tendency to tantrums (as a doctor friend says, a weak nervous organization). Well, the child cannot control himself, immediately carries him to screams. And between the tantrums is quite a reasonable being. And mom lives like a mine the field is coming- what would not provoke.
I have found a few recipes for myself. In any case, give a shout and do not go on about. If the daughter demanded something by shouting, then she does not receive it in any case. I go out of my sight, close in the bathroom. It’s more difficult on the street, you have to distract with something incredible that comes to mind (in our 3 years it still helps ...). As soon as the main passions pass, I put them in a bath with toys, pour foam, give paints, special felt-tip pens, etc., whatever my fantasy tells me. Water is very relaxing. Well, sleep, the sooner the better.
In general, I hope that everything will pass with age. We just have to be patient. I look on the street at adult girls - they are so beautiful, calm, and maybe they were also hysterical in childhood. And everything passed. And you hope. In some program I heard - children are treated not with medicines, but with love. So we, mothers of screaming girls, need to love them for who they are.

13.08.2008 08:01:06, Natalia Dementieva

This also happens with us from time to time ... This is all age-related, of course, but the environment also leaves its mark. Moreover, it is not always obvious what is the decisive role in this.

Perhaps in your case, as in ours, there is an overabundance of attention and a limitation of the independence and responsibility of the child? How are you doing with this? Are you doing too much with her? Or for her? When I noticed this for myself and my grandmothers and tried to limit it, it became better.

In the last such period, we have Negative influence one teacher in the garden had an effect - she pressed her daughter very hard and teased her. But this is a separate story ... When I seriously talked with the teacher and began to track psychological condition daughters are getting better.

Well, the only one effective method the fight against tantrums with us is a strict restriction "I will not talk to you, do not explain anything until you calm down" and that's the point. This is not ignorance, and not indulgence. Strictly and clearly. And that's the only thing that works.

Need to see a psychologist. In the meantime, read books about children after a divorce. Discuss the divorce with your daughter. There should be ideas in her head: 1) dad and mom love her, 2) mom will never leave and leave her, even if she behaves badly, 3) it’s not her fault that her parents broke up.
Constantly repeat that you love her, miss her, etc. Make comments - calmly and confidently, you can hug - it is important for her to know that an adult will stop her in time and will not allow her to completely peddle. You can use phrases from two halves - I love you, but you can’t do that. I'm sorry that you're upset, but you can't do that, because... Your calmness and firmness, as well as the observance of the usual rules of life, including prohibitions, she really needs now. The world turned out to be too unpredictable - we must once again show that it is structured and controlled - my daughter will be calmer.

With age, children have more and more desires and needs that are not always possible to fulfill. They begin to violently show a strong emotional reaction to the prohibitions of their parents. The desired is unattainable - the child is hysterical. What causes such behavior: mistakes in education, the nature of the child or serious illness? And how to deal with the tantrums of the child?

Causes of tantrums

There are certain critical periods in a child's life when parents are required to Special attention. "Hysteria" from the point of view of medicine - nervous excitement, seizure. Accompanied by tears, screams, convulsions.

Physiological causes

In a child under 3 years of age, hysterical seizures are due to the immaturity of the brain. A 2-year-old child has insufficiently developed speech and gestures. He still cannot adequately assess the situation and take the right actions. However, he tries to defend his position, negatively relates to the requirements of his parents. IN critical period such emotional states like anger, rage builds up very quickly. The child ceases to control himself and does not hear the words addressed to him.

Attacks of uncontrollable behavior can provoke:

• discomfort from hunger, thirst, pain, stuffiness and overheating;

• overwork after too active games, long walks, trips;

• overexcitation after holidays, shopping trips and other emotional events;

• feeling unwell, when the disease is just beginning, malaise.

Particular attention should be paid to attacks of uncontrolled behavior in infants when they are difficult to calm down. Sometimes tantrums without apparent reason associated with the manifestation of mental or nervous disorders. Consultation with a doctor will help to identify the cause of the violation and start treatment on time.

Mistakes in education

The older the child becomes, the more aware of his behavior. He has new interests and a desire to be independent. It becomes not enough for him what was allowed before. He perfectly understands that it is possible to achieve the goal if you “throw a tantrum”.

The mistakes of parents, because of which the child deliberately begins to hysteria:

• very strict prohibitions, often completely unfounded, abuse of parental authority;

• parents allow everything, and the child does not know the word “no”;

• lifting the ban after the onset of a fit of hysteria;

• a conflict situation when one of the parents forbids something, and the other immediately gives permission;

• lack of attention, affection and love, dismissive attitude from relatives or ordered threatening intonation;

• quarrels and scandals in the family;

The nature and temperament of the child

Often the tendency to tantrums is explained by the peculiarity of the character and temperament of the child. Some children are easily excitable, short-tempered and aggressive. Others cry and hysteria for any reason. There is the concept of "hysterical character" and hyperactivity. This behavior is often used to get attention. Trying to be more visible. One of the ways is a violent tantrum, which ends quickly if there are no “spectators” nearby, and the mood changes very quickly.

Babies with high nervous excitability, subject to various fears and phobias, often exaggerate their experiences.

Causes of tantrums in children:

1. Increased excitability;
2. unstable mood;
3. Excessive impressionability;
4. Suggestibility;
5. Selfishness.

What is the difference between tantrums and

Capricious, the child expresses his displeasure or desire. So he tries to reflect his physical state- Hunger, fatigue, lack of sleep or sickness. Crying, screaming, pushing parents away with their hands - all this mild form indignation. With this behavior, the baby is able to control his emotions, he can be negotiated with, distracted and reassured.

Hysteria in children differs from whims in that it is involuntary and is a severe form of behavior. Usually this violent reaction is accompanied by sobs, very loud screams and stomping. The kid scatters toys, rolls on the floor, can even beat his head and tear his hair. In some cases, a child's tantrum is accompanied by convulsions, seizures, and arching. Sometimes a very strong attack is accompanied by vomiting, trembling, salivation, urinary incontinence. In young children, respiratory arrest may occur due to spasm of the larynx.

It is important for parents to distinguish a child's tantrum from an epileptic seizure, when the child falls sharply, loses consciousness. Strong convulsions begin. Foam starts to come out of the mouth. With such symptoms, you should immediately consult a doctor.

Stress. Reaction to outside influence

Some parents, raising a child, resort to very cruel methods, not realizing that the child's psyche is not as “hardened” as that of adults. scary bullying fairy tale characters, evil doctors and cops, etc. develop fear in children. In the future, meetings with these or similar characters cause a strong fear in the child and, as a result, breakdown and nightmares.

Children have a very rich imagination. After watching a movie not intended for children, he begins to think that someone is hiding in the closet or under the bed. Afraid of noises and darkness. Any little thing that he cannot explain to himself turns into a strong fear.

In addition, severe stress and a nervous breakdown can cause:

• In children with an unprepared and too sensitive psyche, fear can arise from any unexpected situation. For example, a dog or clowns in a circus suddenly ran up.

• The threat of a belt and assault leads to extreme irritation of the nervous system and stress.

• Serious and unforeseen circumstances that a small person has witnessed or participated in are accidents, natural disasters, fires and catastrophes.

• A difficult divorce of parents, when each of them seeks to humiliate the other in the eyes of the child. Prolonged separation from beloved parents or one of them.

• Incorrect explanation by parents of any life circumstances and situations.

• A change in the usual environment and environment, for example, during the first visits to child care facilities. Changing sleep and eating patterns.

How to relieve nervous tension

How to help your child develop coping skills nervous tension? First of all, it is necessary to remove the causes that cause a stressful state:

Ask about what is going through and how the child feels. Frankness and trust when talking about what the child is afraid of, what annoys him and what he achieves. Consider his wishes.

For any action and difficult situations show your love openly. Take the child in his arms, hug him tightly, whisper in his ear how he is loved.

A clear distinction between the actions that a child can do and what should not be done. Excessive control over each step will lead to a breakdown. Help to recognize the limits of what is permitted. Allow to be independent and teach to be responsible for their actions.

Distract, find an activity that he will be happy to do. Promote the interests of the child. Do what he loves to do with him. Monitor the information that comes to the child when watching programs and programs on TV

Control your behavior. In difficult situations, try to remain calm so that the child is confident in the protection of adults.

Developing rational thinking, to convince that fantasy and reality are different things. Explain the reasons for actions and their consequences.

Mode, proper nutrition and dream.

The need for physical contact

The child was very excited or nervous, hysteria for him is a kind of means to relieve excessive stress. Hugs, stroking, light massage will help the child relax and fall asleep peacefully. The child needs to be touched by his mother, he wants to cuddle up to her.

With a lack of affection and attention from the parents, he will seek such contact from his parents by any means. How smaller kid, the more he needs to wellness and proper development.

Manipulation of others

Hysterical seizures, with the help of which a child tries to get something of his own from loved ones, usually begin at the age of 1.5-2 years. If the child previously had tantrums due to fatigue, nervous breakdowns and discomfort, now the baby understands that in this way he can get what he wants or refuse to fulfill the requirements that he does not like.

In these cases, moms and dads should never go on about the child. Otherwise, he will constantly achieve his goal, starting a scream and a tantrum.

At the age of 3 years, the child already feels like a person. He tries to show independence, self-willed and showing stubbornness. Do not focus on his behavior. You need to behave in such a way that the baby understands that they love him, but do not want to communicate when he, watching the reaction of loved ones

trying to manipulate them. To the conclusion that he will not achieve anything by such behavior, the child must come by himself. It is best to create the illusion of choice by avoiding direct orders, by not allowing the answer "no".

Manipulating your loved ones by throwing tantrums is a dangerous habit. It negatively affects the formation of character and will give rise to many problems in the future.

Whims and children's tantrums pass when the child learns to express demands and desires in words.

Hysteria in a child - what to do

Dr. Komarovsky advises: to respond correctly to the whims of the child

very important. At this point, the child is in an unprotected mental state. Everything that happens to him at this time remains in the subconscious and determines his behavior in the future.

In order to correctly decide how to deal with whims, what to do during a tantrum, you need to adequately assess the situation, find out its cause. Basic principles of parental behavior:

Calm yourself down. Do not get angry and do not scream at the child, but calmly wait out the attack. Don't go after the child. Do not scream or scare with punishment.

Hysteria in the store, on the playground, with a large crowd of people - do not pay attention to the advice and discontent of others. Try to take the baby out of their enclosed space as soon as possible. Better for air. Wash your face and give to drink.

Hug, hug, put on your knees, or pick up and let him cry. If he does not allow this to be done, hold his hand, stroke his back.

Convince that mom is here and loves him very much. Name his feelings: “you are scared”, “you are tired”, “you are angry”, that is, describe aloud what is happening to the child and let him know that you are his support.

Do not try to reason with the child. He will not listen to any reason. Try to switch his attention.

All methods have already been tried, and regular frequent tantrums continue. If the child is not sick and there is no threat to his health, leave the child alone to cry and just ignore the cry for a while. There is no need to scold and lock the child, but to make it clear that it will be possible to do something interesting together when you get tired of crying.

No need to be afraid of children's tantrums. You just have to respond to them in the right way. Understand that the baby has the same emotions and feelings as adults. He just doesn't know how to express them correctly yet. Feelings cannot be controlled. You can only control behavior.