Why the child does not obey and what to do about it? The main signs of the crisis period. What difficulties await parents

7 years - difficult period in the life of a child. This is the time when all his stereotypes break down, all his ideas about the world, which were formed all over. early childhood. There is a change of all life: playing activity is replaced by learning, parents or kindergarten teachers constantly present nearby - by strict teachers, free daily routine - by a rigidly defined one. All this results in a crisis of a child of 7 years old, which, of course, entails certain consequences. What is the crisis of a child of 7 years old and what are its consequences?

The essence and symptoms of the crisis of a child of 7 years

Although moments of crisis the child is always noticed by the parents, the crisis of 7 years sometimes passes quietly and imperceptibly. Many parents, despite the fact that they remember well the crises of 3 years, or transitional age, the crisis of 7 years is noted as calm. But not everyone is so lucky. Those parents whose child is still more difficult to endure the crisis of 7 years, note the appearance of anxiety, isolation, secrecy of their child.

This is due to the fact that the child's life is divided into internal (psychological) and external. Now there are fewer impulsive actions, because a clearer connection is established between the internal motivation and the actions of the child. In other words, during the crisis of 7 years, a certain semantic orientation appears in the actions of the child, and he, regardless of his desires, has to become more mature.

Compared with the "pre-crisis" age, the child's self-esteem changes radically. If earlier he treated himself positively, regardless of anything, now the “I” of the child is divided into “I am real” and “I am ideal”. “I am real” is the child's awareness of who he really is. "I-ideal" is who he would like to be. As a result, self-esteem becomes more adequate, and the “I-ideal” meets very high demands.

The attitude of the child to adults also becomes different. If earlier he behaved in approximately the same way both with relatives and friends, and with strangers, without dividing them for himself, now he can already strictly separate who is his and who is a stranger, and adjust his behavior in relation to different people and also create different performance about different people.

Another symptom of the beginning of the crisis of 7 years is cunning as a violation of the usual rules or requirements of parents in latent form and the intentional creation of situations in which the child may derive some benefit for himself. This is usually playful and a joke rather than a serious offense. For example, instead of washing hands before eating, the child either does not wash them at all, or goes to the bathroom, spends some time there, then goes to the table without washing his hands. May also play with water and come out with wet (but dirty) hands, defiantly showing them to their mother. If his mother reproaches him for this, he says he forgot, goes back to the bathroom and washes his hands. If the baby has brothers or sisters, this trick is often, first of all, aimed at relationships with them, and then at relationships with parents.

One of the least common symptoms is an inadequate response to parental criticism. The fact is that a child, doing something, counts on the praise of his parents, and when he does not receive it, he can react very violently: cry, blame his parents for misunderstanding, etc.

Another symptom of the beginning of the 7-year-old crisis is that the child may begin to ask general issues, that is, not tied to a specific event and daily life. The key topics are: politics, the origin of the planets, life on Earth and other planets, the evolution of living things, life in other countries, moral and ethical issues(on the example of seen films), sometimes even family ties. All this testifies to the expansion of the sphere of interests of the child at the age of 7, his desire to learn something new about the world and find his place in it. Moreover, an adult in this kind of conversation acts as an expert for the child, and the child himself reveals his abilities for analysis.

For a child during a crisis of 7 years, independence becomes very important, the ability to do something without the help of an adult, an independent choice of a field of activity. For example, a child during this period is happy to wash his things, go for bread - in a word, participate in activities in which he had not previously participated, often giving up what he was fond of before. Moreover, as a rule, if you ask him for something, the child will become stubborn and will not do it or will do it with reluctance, but if the idea of something came to him personally, the kid will surely do it with great pleasure!

This feature, which characterizes the crisis of 7 years, is also associated with the development independent activity child. For example, in addition to playing, he begins to enjoy doing things such as sewing, knitting, designing, or other materials, etc. Moreover, the result of such independent activity is of great value for the child.

Thus, we can say that during the crisis of 7 years, the entire inner world of the child changes beyond recognition. The main symptom of the crisis that has begun, psychologists call the child's loss of spontaneity, which is manifested in antics, mannerisms, artificial stiffness of behavior. After all, what does immediacy in behavior mean? This means that the child looks the same on the outside as on the inside. The crisis of 7 years, when this immediacy is lost, introduces an intellectual moment into the child's actions, which now acts as an intermediary between experience and natural action.

Also, the child may become withdrawn, uncontrollable, the child may become naughty, reject the demands he previously accepted, may begin to conflict with parents and other family members, either simply ignoring the word or openly rejecting them.

Why is this happening and how to deal with such a naughty child?

To answer this question, you need to know that the main, and most importantly, fundamentally new need of the child during this period is respect. Children at this moment just need to feel that they respect him, treat him like an adult and recognize his independence. If this basic need for communication with a 7-year-old child is ignored, then understanding in relations with him can no longer be expected.

* Here is a concrete example from psychological practice:

“Kirill is six years old and three months old. The boy is distinguished by curiosity and prudence. He is happy to help dad when something needs to be repaired or repaired. He is going to kindergarten puts things in order. IN senior group Cyril was considered one of the most responsible guys, he was assigned the most difficult tasks. At home, Cyril is used to obeying his parents, especially his dad, who is a great authority for him. For the summer, the parents sent their son to his grandmother. When asked how Kirill behaves, the grandmother complained that he did not respond to her words, that it was time to finish the game and go to dinner, and it was very difficult to put him to bed in general. Typical response: "Sasha ( cousin, who is twelve years old) does not sleep, why should I?

Of course, parents do not understand what is happening to the boy and how to deal with it. But from the point of view of a psychologist, this is a natural stage in the development of a child approaching a crisis of 7 years. As we have already said, during this period, the motivation for the actions of the baby is formed, he defines new rules that were not established by him, and learns to act on them. The first reaction of the child in this situation is the violation of these rules.

Based on the foregoing, the most significant feature of the crisis of a child of 7 years old can be called the beginning of the process of separation of the inner and outer sides of the child's personality, which gives rise to many new experiences for him and, consequently, certain changes in behavior and relationships with the outside world.

Features of the child's experiences accompanying the crisis of 7 years:

Experiences become meaningful, that is, the child begins to understand the meaning of the expressions: “I am happy”, “I am upset”, “I am angry”, “I am kind”, can consciously navigate in their own experiences;

The child learns to generalize his experiences, that is, if the same situation is repeated many times with him, he is able to analyze it and draw certain conclusions. This has a certain meaning - generalizing his experiences, the child forms an attitude towards himself, his own self-esteem;

As a result of understanding their experiences, the child may feel some kind of struggle between them, which will also be expressed in anxiety.

As already mentioned, by the beginning of the crisis at the age of 7, a child begins to feel like an adult, which is manifested in his acute need to be an "adult", to talk and dress like an adult, to demand to be treated like an adult. In many ways, this is facilitated by the parents themselves, who often tell the preschooler that he will become an adult when he goes to. And having waited for this happy day, the child firmly believes that he has automatically become an adult and has the right to demand an appropriate attitude towards himself. This is also connected with a new formation in the psychology of a 7-year-old child, which has received the name "internal position of a schoolchild". What does it mean? In general, this neoplasm begins to form on average from the age of 5: at first, children dream about school, about how they will do really serious things at school, and closer to 7 years, they have a real need to acquire new knowledge and admission to school.

What are the stages in the formation of the position of the student and his motivation?

They are distinguished by 3:

1) At the age of 6, the child has a desire to go to school, but so far it is aimed only at outer shape, without taking into account the content moment school life. In other words, the kid likes to listen to stories about the school, he wonders if there is a form there, how lessons and changes are organized, the external attributes of the school. But this position, in fact, is still preschool - the child does not think about the responsibilities that the school imposes on him, does not think about the mandatory change in his daily routine, etc. For him, only the external form is important.

2) A little later, the child already takes into account the meaningful moments of school life, but, basically, his attention is directed to social aspects, and not to educational ones. In other words, the school attracts the child with the opportunity to make new acquaintances, the opportunity to be “like everyone else” (after all, society says that everyone should study at school), and not learn something.

3) During the crisis of 7 years, the child is already beginning to appear a real “student position”, expressed not only in social, but also in educational interest. But this position is fully formed only by the age of eight.

During the crisis of 7 years, as you could already understand, the motivational sphere is actively developing, new behavioral motives arise, among which the motives that encourage the child are of particular importance. These are the following motives:

Cognitive (learning) motive, that is, the desire to learn and learn something new;

Broad social motives, that is, the child accepts the general opinion that learning is necessary;

Positional motive, that is, the desire of the child to take a new position in society;

Motives external to learning itself, that is, those that accompany outside learning at school, for example, obedience to the requirements of adults;

Game motive, that is, the expectation that educational life is a kind of game;

The motive for getting a high mark, that is, the expectation of the teacher's praise and self-affirmation due to this among peers.

How to understand what motivation prevails in your child?

Every child has different motivations. Someone goes to school, first of all, in order to make new acquaintances, someone - to please their parents with good grades, someone - to really gain knowledge. How to understand what exactly your child is guided by when going to school?

There are many methods for studying the motives of the child. But there is one very simple way to understand what exactly your child expects from the school.

Can be read to your child little story, where each of the characters explains their desire to go to school in different ways (according to one of the listed motives). What motivation the child chooses for himself means that it prevails in his attitude to his entry into school.

Research shows that 6-year-olds are more likely to choose play motivation (often in combination with others, such as social or positional). And there are very interesting feature: under learning conditions, that is, if baby goes to school from the age of 6, this motive gives way to positional, and then cognitive much more slowly than it could happen. Based on this, young mothers can be advised not to send their child to school before the generally accepted age - because this can contribute to the inhibition of his motivational development.

What should parents do when they notice a 7-year-old crisis in their child?

As a rule, the beginning of school life leads to the resolution of the crisis of 7 years. But this does not mean that parents should sit back and calmly wait for the first teacher to take their child into her arms. The fact is that even school is not a panacea for all problems. If your baby has low level psychological readiness to school, then when he gets into a new, unfamiliar environment, the crisis can only get worse and fall on the parents in its most colorful manifestations. This can be explained by the fact that in such children the crisis of 7 years simply began a little later, which once again confirms the regularity of this stage. mental development child, and parents should be patient and understanding about the behavior of their children during this difficult period. First of all, you need to understand that the child will behave worse if your attitude towards him does not meet his expectations. Try to change your attitude towards him, look at him as an adult and pay attention to his judgments. So, finally, some valuable tips on raising a child during a crisis of 7 years and organizing communication with him:

- “turning on” the tone of order and edification in relation to a child at this age, you will achieve absolutely nothing in establishing relationships with your child;

If you feel that scandals with a child are becoming more and more frequent - take a break from each other;

Keep a large share of optimism and humor in communication with the child;

Try to always evaluate your child positively - both him as a person and his actions. If you point out the child's mistakes, analyze together the reasons for these mistakes and discuss ways to correct them and express confidence that he will succeed;

Try to be more attentive to your child, show more love, warmth, affection, tell him more often that you love him and miss him;

Come up with special tasks for children, task games, various assignments, “your own” affairs. Engage them in productive activities - do with them various crafts, evaluate the results, praise them. During classes, take more pauses aimed at changing activities: for example, a physical education minute, a music break;

Give your child more tasks related to the development of creative initiative, imagination and fantasy. This will stimulate the sign function - the most important prerequisite for the transition to learning activities;

When communicating with your child, do not forget about quiet conversations before bedtime, evening conversations, and discussions of daytime events. Try to pay attention to inner world child, talk to him like an adult;

If the child is naughty, do not enter into arguments with him, impose your opinion, threaten with punishments. It is better to take a time out and stop communicating for a while, and then just not remember what happened. It is useful to create situations where good behavior it would be an end in itself (to arrange a “day of obedience” and spend it without a single remark, “a day of good deeds”, “a day of courtesy”, etc.). You can start a "notebook on behavior", where in 2 columns different color bad and good deeds for the week would be recorded, and at the end of the week to sum up. But this notebook should never be used to blackmail a child;

Useful will be tasks aimed at the formation of independence, decision-making skills, self-control.

If you use at least some of the recommendations given here, you will be able to overcome the negative manifestations of the "crisis of 7 years" and with honor to get out of this period, which is equally difficult for both the child and the parents.

Sometimes the parents of a child who has started going to school or is just about to enter the first grade are faced with the problem of attacks of aggression in the baby. How to behave in this age crisis and what to do if he does not obey his parents and teachers?

Causes

Aggression in children is a negative reaction to various actions or comments of others.. If a child is brought up incorrectly, this reaction from a temporary one can develop into a permanent one and become a trait of his character.

Sources aggressive behavior the child may have somatic or brain diseases, as well as wrong upbringing. Another reason for this behavior may be the age crisis.

At this time, children begin to realize themselves as students, and this is a new role for them. This contributes to the emergence of a new psychological quality in the child - self-respect.

Watch a video about the causes of the crisis in children at the age of seven and methods for overcoming it:

Why doesn't he listen?

From now on it's no longer little kid, but a real adult man who strives to become independent. At 6-7 years old, children lose their natural childishness, so they deliberately begin to grimace and behave unreasonably. The reason for this is that children begin to separate the inner self from the outer behavior. They are aware that their behavior can cause reactions from others. Unnatural behavior shows that this is just a children's experiment, although because of such experiences of the baby, parents are very worried and worried. Besides, the child becomes difficult to put to sleep or send to wash, an unusual reaction appears:

neglect of requests;
reflections on why to do it;
negation;
contradictions and strife.

Children during this period revealingly violate the prohibitions of their parents. They criticize any rules that they did not set themselves, they strive to take the position of adults. Existing principles are understood by the child as a childish image that needs to be overcome.

Children at the age of 7 can check the reaction of others to their bad behavior

Why does the baby make croaking sounds?

There are times when children begin to make various sounds: croaking, mooing, chirping, and the like. This may just be a continuation of their experiments, but this time with sounds and words. If your child does not have speech problems, then there is no cause for concern. If there are any defects or stuttering, you must consult a doctor.

Express approval of the independent actions of your child, let him be autonomous;
Try to become an adviser, not a ban. Keep in difficult moments;
Talk to your child about adult topics;
Find out his thoughts on the issue of interest, listen to him, this is much better than criticism;
Let the child express his opinion, and if he is wrong, then delicately correct him;
Allow yourself to recognize his views and agree - nothing threatens your authority, and your offspring's self-esteem will be strengthened;
Make it clear to the child that he is valued by you, respected and understand that if he misses, you will always be there and provide assistance;
Demonstrate to the child the possibility of achieving the goal. Praise him for his success;
Try to answer all your child's questions. Even if the questions are repeated, patiently repeat the answer.

Be for the little one best friend!

Classes for children 6-7 years old

To reduce the child's unstimulated aggression, actions will help that show him that there are other opportunities to attract attention and show strength. To look like an adult, you do not need to assert yourself at the expense of those who are weaker, but when irritated, use bad words. The following methods for emotional discharge are recommended:

Tear pieces of paper that you constantly need to have with you;
Shout loudly in a special place;
Go in for sports, run and jump;
It will be useful to knock out rugs and pillows;
Practice hitting the punching bag;
Playing with water helps a lot (contemplation of water and its inhabitants in aquariums, fishing, throwing stones into a pond, etc.)

Water perfectly relieves aggression and cheers up the whole family.

How to find a common language?

Parents need to be calm and restrained during attacks of aggression in a child. You need to try to understand how your child feels. The most important thing is to love and understand your baby, to give him more attention and time.

Unconditional love is the best way to deal with aggression. Moms and dads know their children well and are able to prevent unexpected outbursts of anger. Curbing physical aggression is easier than verbal manifestation of it. At the moment when emotions are rising, when the child pouts his lips, squints his eyes, or otherwise demonstrates his displeasure, you should try to redirect his attention to another object, activity, or simply hold it. If the aggression could not be stopped in time, it is necessary to convince the child that this should not be done, this is very bad.

How to deal with shyness?

Among other things, at the age of 7, children begin to pay attention to their appearance, clothes. They strive to look like adults. The child for the first time critically evaluates his behavior. During this period, shyness can very easily develop, the child is not always able to adequately assess the opinions of others. An incorrect assessment of what is happening can frighten the child, make him afraid of attracting attention to himself. It may be difficult to establish contacts. But sometimes kids are just naturally shy.

How to help?

shy child more receptive, often others are not able to understand him. Moms and dads are encouraged to emphasize more often good qualities their children. Thus, you need to cultivate his self-confidence. Under no circumstances should you be angry with your child for his shyness. He may feel defective in some way, different from the rest. This can be bad for the formation of his character. As an adult, a person will remember his childhood resentment. From constant reproaches, the child will not become bold and decisive, but he is able to withdraw from this.

The long-awaited time has come for the baby and his parents - the child went to school. Now this is not a helpless peanut, but a first grader who took the first step in adult life. Yesterday's preschooler has to drastically change his habits, behavior, daily routine. Many children experience severe stress from such a change in their lives. Help to cope with the situation helps proper development child at 7 years old.

All previous years, parents, educators helped little man reveal their abilities, did everything to form and develop skills and abilities that will be useful to the child in later life. Experts believe that the first school year is fundamental to further study.

First grader: formed skills, abilities

The knowledge, skills and abilities acquired earlier will be very useful to a child who has gone to first grade. The most important thing for a first-grader is the formed habit of learning, the desire to learn the unknown, love. Parents are often worried about the question of what exactly should a child be able to do at 7 years old?

Before entering school, a future first-grader should have a fairly wide vocabulary, should have an idea about the world around him, as well as a certain amount of knowledge.

These include.

The ability to identify oneself, relatives: to know the surname, first name and patronymic of one's own and parents. Know the age, date of birth, as well as the home address and what work mom and dad do.
Basic knowledge of flora and fauna.
Understanding the properties of phenomena, objects.
The concept of time and space.
The simplest knowledge in astronomy, geography.
The concept of geometric shapes, understand the rules of addition, subtraction. Solve simple problems in 2 steps. Count down and forward up to 10.
Know the alphabet, read by syllables. Ability to write is desirable, but not mandatory requirement. If the baby is unable to write letters, you should do developmental exercises fine motor skills hands
Developed speech. It is desirable to correct the main problems of diction by the first class.
Developed auditory, speech memory. The ability to quickly memorize a quatrain, retell a heard fairy tale or story close to the text is considered the norm.
Learn to identify syllables in words. Know the difference between vowels and consonants, distinguish them by ear.
The ability to think logically, find the superfluous, group objects according to common ground. Make a sequential story from individual pictures.
Willingness to make contact with other children and adults. Make independent decisions. Ability to wait in line, respect the opinions of others. This is especially true for children who do not attend kindergartens before school. preschool institutions: often occur conflict situations in children with teachers, classmates.
Awareness of moral principles. Understanding what good deeds and actions are, and what relates to bad behavior.

In every educational institution parents can get acquainted with the tests for first graders. The development of correct speech in a child of 7 years old must be given Special attention. In case of incorrect diction, classes with a speech therapist are required.

Small-sized verses are suitable for developing memory, increasing vocabulary, the formation of correct, literary speech.

For parents

Parents can correct gaps in knowledge and skills on their own. To do this, it is enough to study with the child at home for 1 - 2 hours. Classes should not turn into a boring, rigidly regulated duty. In order not to discourage the desire to learn, it is necessary to allocate time for games.

The first lessons should not be longer than 15 minutes. Time should be increased gradually. Alternate exercises for mindfulness, memory with developmental activities creativity. More often give the baby the opportunity to draw: this teaches perseverance, teaches you to distinguish colors, shades. The development of logical, spatial thinking is helped didactic games, puzzles. Cognitive, educational games help to conduct learning in a playful way.

For harmonious development, creating psychological stability must be physical exercise, physical education. Praise, reasonable criticism with constructive suggestions strengthen the child's psyche. For example, the words of the mother “again you are not succeeding, sit down and see how to do it right” will cause the child to feel insecure in his abilities and unwillingness to take the initiative.

Do not ignore the complaints of a first-grader that his pens are tired, so he cannot write. For the development of fine motor skills, you can do modeling from plasticine, collect puzzles. For boys, there are many designers that take into account their interest in technology. These constructors have many small parts. Assembling models from the designer, the motor skills of the fingers develop.

The appearance of the first friend in a child often causes jealousy in parents, especially mothers. The baby, who did not have any secrets from his mother, a beloved baby who shared the most secret, suddenly began to be secretive, to spend more time with a friend.

The most dangerous for a trusting relationship in the family will be the prohibition to communicate with a child with a friend. The child will close, stop trusting his relatives, it is possible that he will not tell his relatives about his friends. In such situations, a first grader often begins to lie, to hide.

crisis period

Understanding the psychology of this age will help parents to meet the crisis of 7 years fully armed and go through this period with the baby. All the features of the development of a child of this age are associated with the crisis stage: the formation of the social "I", the new role of the schoolchild in society, which appeared in the seven-year-old.

Awareness of oneself as a separate person, understanding own place in society, family - all this leads to a radical reassessment of the priorities of the baby. For the first time, the child begins to consciously oppose himself to the family, significant relatives. For a first-grader, the assessment of his actions and appearance by others is very important. Psychological development a little girl is not so noticeable for parents: they are always more emotional, express their feelings more vividly.

Emotions prevail. Any failure, negative opinion leads to uncertainty, low self-esteem. The kid closes in himself, is rude. Outwardly causeless tantrums are not uncommon, when a child can burst into tears from a trifle, conflict situations also arise. To hide his feelings, the child begins to grimace. Behavior is characterized by mannerism, artificiality.

A new authority appears in the life of a first grader - a teacher. Now at home, parents often hear that they are wrong and wrong, because the teacher says and does everything differently. The authority of a teacher for a first grader is higher than that of a mother or father. Negative attitude teacher to the child is the only case when it is worth challenging the influence of the teacher.

Parents need to be patient, it is necessary to support the child, praise more often, reduce the number of criticisms. Adults should definitely show interest in his school affairs. The kid should feel love, family support, this will give him self-confidence. It is worth paying more attention to the first-grader at home, arranging family games, walks.

Physical parameters of development

At the age of 7, active physical development: growing legs, arms. The child grows up sharply by the first grade. The replacement of cartilage tissue with bone in the spine begins. That is why correct posture is so important.

The norm for a 7-year-old baby is considered to be a weight of 20 to 26 kg. A sharp weight gain or weight loss is a signal to parents about the need to see a doctor. A balanced diet is essential.

The diet should contain the necessary trace elements and substances for the growth of the body. Adults should be excluded from the diet of children harmful products or seriously limit their consumption. These foods include all snacks, carbonated drinks.

At this age, the physical development of the child, in particular, little boy, slightly behind the indicators of girls, but at an older age they catch up and surpass their classmates in height.

developmental delay

IN early age cases of developmental delay are recorded. Most often this is due to problems during pregnancy, childbirth. The lag can occur in physical, mental or intellectual terms. Severe cases of mental retardation are solved together with specialists using all available complex measures.

Very often, our beloved children become demanding, capricious, arrange violent tantrums and scandals. If the right actions are not taken in time, this can develop into chronic form, and peace in the family will be disturbed for a long time. In this article, we will help you understand the causes of this behavior and ways to restore balance at home.

Why does a child at 7 years old constantly freak out and act up?

First important reason is the lack of coordination in the actions of parents in relation to the child. For example, mom does not allow watching cartoons before going to bed, and dad agrees to this; one adult forbids jumping on the couch and the other does not. There are too many conventions, and the child insistently begins to demand what he can from time to time. In this scenario, it is difficult for the baby to understand whether there are specific rules or not.
The second mistake of upbringing is the inconsistency and uncertainty of parents in their actions. So, one day you strictly forbid touching your phone, and the next you let your child play with it. One time, sweets are allowed to be eaten only after dinner, and the other time, you can intercept the candy before meals. Such seemingly trifles are easily fixed by children, and subsequently they begin to demand more, expanding the boundaries of what is permitted.
Some parents are afraid of children's whims, especially in public, and at this moment they are ready to allow the child anything, if only he would be silent. Such things are also clearly noticed by children, and then these techniques are used consciously. And the reason for this is the wrong reaction of adults to the sabotage of a small person.
A tense situation within the family can also cause increased moodiness of the child. If adults often swear and communicate in raised tones, the baby also learns this behavior model. Besides, frequent quarrels in front of children, they instill fear in them, insecurity in their parents, and with their psychotic and nervous behavior they show their excitement.
It happens that demonstrative whims are a consequence unmet need in attention. When a child is left to himself most of the time, the tension inside him grows and finds a way out through negative actions. After all, it is in response to them that the violent reaction of the parents follows. Well, this is also coveted attention, albeit with a negative sign.
The lack of a clear daily routine and firm rules within the family also serve great occasion start a scandal. In this case, the child's psyches speak of a loss of confidence, internal tension associated with a lack of understanding of the boundaries and limits of permissibility.
And, of course, illiterately built parental authority or its absence in itself serve as a reason for the child to try to take a place in the sun. If there is no one to obey in the house, then it is quite possible to claim the position of the main person in the family.

A child at 7 years old constantly throws tantrums: what to do?

If the hysterics of the seven-year-old became frequent need to determine their cause. By listening in time to the requests of the child, expressed in whining and whims, you can safely avoid further consequences. It is impossible to interact with a child in hysterics, so forget about threats, slaps and exhortations. All this will only inflame the baby even more. If your child is seven years old Once again threw a tantrum, go up to him and hold him tightly, preventing him from escaping. Stroke the baby on the head or back, monotonously whisper soothing words. When the tantrum begins to subside, you can let go of the baby, sit next to him, look into his eyes, take his hand - in a word, it is important to continue to maintain bodily contact. When the little person finally calms down, gently start the conversation with the words "I understand that you are sad / hurt / hurt." This way you will make it clear that you are on the same wavelength and do not judge him. Gradually, the baby will be drawn into the conversation, and you will have the opportunity to learn about the cause of the tantrum in more detail. At the end, invite the child to think about what can be done next time so that this does not happen. Suggest suitable alternatives and discuss them with him.
Of course, it is best not to allow such a development of events and not to allow the tantrums of a 7-year-old child to become permanent. To do this, one should be sensitive to his condition and mood, build good and trusting relationship, work on your authority and in no case criticize, humiliate or call the baby names. Taking into account these nuances, you will very soon notice that the child's behavior has improved, and there is no trace of tantrums left.

Children often try to explain children's actions that are undesirable for adults, resorting to fantasies. Or cheat?

First we need to understand what we mean by deception. And how children's fantasies differ from it. Fantasies are for children. If they are associated with the real world, tied to surrounding the child Indeed, it is natural and normal. The child lives in a built fairy world and often gets stuck in it. He ascribes living properties to objects and believes that these objects are animated. It is enough to watch the child play. He can have only one toy in his hands or nothing at all. Then all the objects surrounding him are endowed with the characteristics necessary for his game. The chair becomes a dinosaur, the table becomes a cave, and he himself becomes a primitive hunter. And after all, it would never occur to anyone to call him a liar and scold him for it. In the fantasies of the child, imagination plays a huge role. This is one of the most important cognitive features, which, along with thinking, attention, memory, is given to every person.

What is imagination? This is the ability of a person to create new images, based on the ones he already has in his experience. The main direction in the development of the child's imagination is the transition to a more correct and complete reflection of reality on the basis of already existing life experience and knowledge gained in the course of mastering reality. That is, if a child without difficulty “returns” from the unreal world built by him to the real one, this is normal and should not cause irritation or fear of adults. Imagination is an extremely important process. With its help, a person can transform both his personality and the world around him. It is characteristic of the child at the beginning that the recreated samples only approximately characterize the real object, they are poor in details. Who among us has not heard how children convey the content of the film, especially if it is a fairy tale or fantasy. They lack words and "colors". The images children talk about are basically static. Further, the imagination develops, and children, already building images, use in them a much larger number of signs and properties.

A feature of the imagination, for example, in preschool and younger school age is its reliance on concrete objects. Gradually concrete examples are replaced by a word that helps the child create new images. According to how deliberate, meaningful is the creation of images, we can divide the imagination into voluntary and involuntary. It is at the early school age that involuntariness is most clearly manifested. It is difficult for children to distract themselves from the images they have created earlier and are conditioned by their life experience. This makes it difficult to create new images.

New images in younger students arise under the influence of little conscious needs. The involuntary imagination is akin to uncontrollability. If some literary work, colorful story, film or computer game awakens a strong imagination in a child, then, retelling what he heard or read, he, against his will, can come up with those details that were not there. Adults, often not understanding the nature of involuntary imagination, accuse the child of lying. Arbitrary imagination is an image specially created in accordance with the goals set. It needs to be developed, and adults will have to develop the child’s imagination to that state, until the child reaches a generalized, vague, “small” image in which only a few signs are reflected. bright image. The development of the imagination cognitive process personality is great. Gradually, in the process of education and upbringing, the child learns to control his mental activity, and with the advent of these skills, the imagination also becomes controlled.

Thus, fantasy is based on developing imagination. And what lies in the child's ability to tell a lie? If children lie, then they have learned this from us adults. After all, no one is born with the desire to deceive others. Living in a society, looking closely at others, adopting behavioral styles from them, children also adopt lies. This especially happens when the child sees the fruits of untruth. He has not yet formed a moral portrait. And the result of deceit, from the point of view of the child, brings much more benefit to the deceiver than to the honest person.

Let's trace, so to speak, the route of lies. The child receives the concepts of truth and untruth from his own life experience. His observations tell him that things in life that he does not understand are happening. It is enough to trace how parents threaten their baby. The palette of threats is great:

“I’ll cut off my tongue!” If he doesn’t say what is possible and necessary;

“I’ll tear off my hands” if I take sweets without asking;

“I’ll throw it in the river” if it comes close to water, etc.

The list could be almost endless. At first, the child is very afraid. If parents are attentive to their child, they will see sparks of fear in his eyes. But then he sees that nothing is happening. The first lesson of untruth is learned very quickly. Further more! For example, mom tells dad that she is so tired of talking on the phone with her friend, and when she calls, she tells her that she is very happy. Or dad very much praises the car of Uncle Misha's neighbor, and when Uncle Misha leaves, he laughs at his car. And there are generally terrible things when parents themselves ask the child to lie. For example, mother went to the cinema (zoo, cafe...) with her son and uncle Seryozha. At the same time, she asks the boy not to tell dad. The child does not understand! Often forgets not to speak. In this case, it can cause a domestic scandal. But that's not all, he will be punished for the truth!

At first, the child does not plan anything in advance and deceives spontaneously, without thinking about the benefits or harms of what he said. If a lie brings positive results and adults do not guess anything, the child gains confidence that a lie is good. If this confidence is fixed in his further experience, we get a complete liar. If suddenly he is “caught” and punished, he worries, and the ability to lie may not be fixed. Of course, nothing is being done on its own, and parents need to learn how to skillfully “translate” the child from the field between fantasy and lies into reality. How to do it? How should parents behave if the child begins to “twist”? We'll talk about this.

In order for fantasies not to turn into lies and not to be fixed in the mind and behavior of the child, it is necessary to find out the reason for his deceptions. And the first question that an adult should ask himself is: “Why does a child tell a lie? What drives him to do this? There are several reasons:

1. The child is afraid to tell the truth. She is so terrible for him that his soul cannot bear "a sincere confession." It is necessary to find out what exactly scares him so much.

2. Trying to avoid punishment for a misconduct, a child hides behind a lie like a shield. He cannot confess due to some circumstances.

3. The desire to please a peer or one of the elders also often leads the child to the need to tell a lie.

4. Desire not to be liked. Do the opposite. “So you all praise Seryozha, but am I bad?! So I'll prove that I'm bad."

5. If the child wants to avoid ridicule. If he is vulnerable and sensitive, then, naturally, he resorts to lies. After all moral qualities are still in their raw form.

6. If the child fails in something Everyday life, then he lies in an attempt to get rid of the petty custody of adults.

After finding out the reasons, you can begin to organize the correct educational action, depending on the identified cause.

1. The child is afraid. Of course, this happens to him first of all if a child or children in a row are punished all the time in the house for all misconduct - for a broken cup, for torn trousers, for not washing dishes on time. If there is such terror in the house, then everything pedagogical councils empty sound. But the reason may lie in the developed emotionality of the child. If he takes the life and customs of the family very close to his heart. For example, he broke dad's favorite cup! In this case, he is afraid not of punishment, but of dad's grief, because he knows how dad appreciated this thing. In this case, it is necessary to tell the child that dad understands that the cup was broken not on purpose, but by accident. And anyway, he doesn't love her that much anymore. You can invite the child to go to the store together and buy another cup. If the child has a piggy bank, encourage him to do it with the money raised. Of course, he can inflict any irreparable harm. But in any case, if this was done not on purpose, not on purpose, but by accident and the child is in despair, it is necessary to find words that will cheer him up and will not give him the opportunity to resort to lies.

2. Avoid punishment. In this case, most likely, the authoritarian control of the child's life reigns in the house. Maybe even parents resort to physical punishment, and the child remembers the feeling of pain. Or he is punished in the presence of other children, humiliating his dignity. Be that as it may, a child’s lie is a reason for parents to urgently reconsider their educational methods.

3. Wants to be liked. This is generally typical of a child. The need for the love of others, in their good attitude to the child is one of the leading motives of his activity. It suffices to recall how a child waits for an assessment of his deeds or items made by his own hands - impatiently, with the hope of praise. Especially often children resort to such methods, whom their parents constantly criticize. In such cases, parents doubt that their children are capable of "feats", and the latter have to prove with the help of lies that they are much better than they think.

4. Doesn't want to be liked. This is also a very strong motive for deceitful behavior. The child in this case is already tired of proving his worth. He resorts to another way to draw attention to himself - he does ugly things. Why unsightly? Yes, because they immediately catch the eye. " good deeds you can’t become famous, sang the bad heroes children's film"Aibolit-66". Adults need to rebuild their relationship with the child. Recognize him as a person, accept his position. Look for a compromise solution together. Then the child will have “the ground taken out from under his feet” and he will not need to “be a hero” in a negative field. Hence the conclusion - do not force the child to constantly prove to his parents how good he is or how he is not the way everyone thinks about him.

5. Walks away from ridicule. The ridicule of thin and vulnerable children is especially painful. Children with developed sense dignity. Then the lie becomes a cover, that veil of fog where they silently go. Some of them simply do not want to explain or prove anything. The famous French pilot and writer Antoine de Saint-Exupery has Great words explaining a lot to adults about the behavior of children: "Adults never understand anything themselves, and for children it is very tiring to endlessly explain and explain everything to them" ( A little prince). How to stop it? First of all, imagine how dad or mom will feel if their actions are mocked all the time. Try to project the situation onto yourself, then the solution will come. If ridicule is associated with any external circumstances, try to remove them, and if this is not possible, then smooth them out as much as possible. It is important to understand one simple pedagogical truth - mocking a child does not lead to anything good. This is a road that leads nowhere. Everything is very simple - it is IMPOSSIBLE to mock in principle, but it is especially unacceptable to do this in the presence of peers.

6. Little loser. Lying is a way to get attention. If a child in everyday life, as a rule, does not succeed, he begins to invent his successes. It seems to him that the possession of "exploits" will exalt him in the eyes of his peers and parents. Imagine that such a child goes to school. He is sure in advance that he will not succeed, but he will tell his entourage about his successes. In other words, he will lie. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the attitude of adults towards this child. Of course, this is precisely the reason for such behavior. This means that parents do not see or do not want to see the achievements of the child. There is an urgent need to change the pedagogical strategy. This reason for lying is very dangerous both for the author himself and for those around him.

So, the most important thing is to separate the fantasies peculiar to the child and the nascent lie, while it has not yet passed into a stable education and has not become a personality trait. The measure of fantasies and lies in his life depends on the attentive attitude to the behavior of the child. Understanding, subtle and sensitive attitude, and most importantly, attention are required from parents. If the life of a child for the family is not a painful occupation, but a voluntary and conscious action, then it is difficult enough to miss the moment when fantasies turn into lies. In addition, if the life examples of family members do not contribute to this, then it is likely that the child will grow up honest man with a developed imagination. And what's wrong with that?

To parent notebook

❀ Try to learn to figure out where the lie is and where the child’s completely peaceful fantasies are.

❀ Develop the child's imagination, this way you will deprive him of reasons for lying.

❀ Having found out the reason for the deception, immediately make an attempt to destroy it.

❀ If your child is prone to fantasy, fantasize with him, but make sure that he comes back to reality.

❀ If your child is prone to lying, immediately let him know that you know the truth. And so every time.

❀ Be truthful yourself! Remember, the child copies your views, your behavior.

❀ Do not use physical punishment- it humiliates and insults the child.

❀ Never punish a child in front of other children, even if the punishment is just.

❀ Try not to praise other children in the presence of a child, he is jealous.

Note to grandma and grandpa

❀ Treat your child with confidence, gently remind him of this.

❀ If your grandson or granddaughter is characterized by fantasies, try to sort out with them every fictional detail of their life and lead the children to correct and optimistic conclusions.