What is unconditional parental love? Child's love for parents

Chemical reaction in the human body, occurring during certain conditions, or emotional psychological dependence? No scientist has yet been able to accurately answer this question. Each person has their own concept of the word "love". Types of relationships of this kind are found in Everyday life: parental care, patriotism, passion, love, friendship, attraction to the opposite sex.

Kinds female love, as well as male, are absolutely similar. However, there is not one general concept about love relationships.

decision or reaction. Love can be a manifestation of a reaction to influence from outside. Here a person relieves himself of all responsibility both for the appearance of feelings and for their disappearance. In love-decision, the person is fully aware of each of the actions and manifestations of emotions. The decision is not only feelings, but also everyday actions of a person.

According to research, to a greater extent, parents feel disinterestedness towards their child. pure love in which they exalt him above themselves. But no less often are painful relationships both for the baby himself and for the parents.

Maternal and paternal love, the types and manifestations of which are described in family psychology, leave an indelible imprint on the future adult member of society. What a person will become in the future depends entirely on the attention, upbringing and love given to him in childhood.

What are the types of love for a child shown by parents? In child psychology, only 8 types of relationships between mom, dad and baby are distinguished.

Effective warm relationship

It is based on sympathy, respect for desires and feelings, spiritual closeness with the child. The motto of parental love: "I want my baby to achieve everything he wants in life, and I will be his support." Relationships develop through the constant manifestation of care, support, prosperous emotional background in the family, as well as the acceptance by parents that their child is an independent person.

A pity

Relationship without respect, but with the manifestation of sympathy and closeness. Excessive guardianship, distrust, based on the imaginary (real) physical and mental shortcomings of the child - all this is compassionate love. Types of manifestation: rejection of personality, lack of support and faith in the abilities, capabilities of the baby. Compassionate relationship motto: "I'm sorry that my child is underdeveloped in one way or another, but I still love him."

Detachment

Types of love for a child, including respect and warm feelings, support, but occurring at a certain distance in communication - this is detached parental love. The relationship is based on encouraging the success of the child, feeling proud of his offspring, but at the same time ignorance of his inner world, views and preferences, and inability to solve the problems of the baby.

condescending detachment

The main thing in this between parents and a child: disrespect, a manifestation of sympathy at a great distance. Parents justify any failures, shortcomings in the physical and mental development of the baby by heredity, while they do not try to prevent his possible failures and negative experience, thereby dooming to trouble in life.

The pursuit

A mixture of respect, intimacy and antipathy are the main qualities of parental love of this type. The use of strict control by parents, coupled with severity, excessive moralization, pursues one goal - the complete refraction of the psyche and individual features child. At the same time, adults recognize the willpower of their baby.

rejection

This behavioral feature is quite rare in both parents, more often in one of them. Dad or mom get annoyed by the mere presence of the baby nearby, do not want to help him in solving any problems, do not experience warm emotions towards him.

Contempt

Parents who use contempt as a prerogative behavior consider the child a failure, due to certain characteristics of the child. At the same time, adults do not notice the successes of the baby, considering them insignificant, and also feel for the relationship with the offspring. Mostly in families using given type communication, it is customary to relieve oneself of all responsibility for the development of the child, shifting it to specialists (teachers, tutors, psychologists).

Psychological failure

Parents do not participate in the life of the baby, while respecting his strength and abilities. Adults watch the child from a distance, not providing him with all possible assistance in resolving the problem.

It is worth noting that none of the forms of communication occurs separately. Basically, parents use several types of love for their baby, but it all depends on the age of the child and behavioral, mental characteristics families.

The phenomenon of love - a feeling inherent in animated creatures, did not leave indifferent any sphere of human activity: philosophers and poets, musicians and scientists, builders and even doctors, all have long been looking for an answer to the question: what is love? We will also try to contribute to the discussion of this complex, mysterious topic.

Classification of types of love

We never really thought about the fact that feelings have a classification. The difference between the types and theories of love can be traced by its names, often in life we ​​hear the following:

1. Undivided.
2. Platonic.
3. parent.
4. Marriage made in love.
5. Christian virtue.
6. Empty love.
7. Friendly.
8. Fatal.

So what is it that torments the most powerful minds of mankind who are trying to unravel the mystery love relationships in his philosophical writings and scientific treatises? Here and so everything is clear - undivided, it means one, does not love the other, parental- the sacred duty of each of us, fatal- can overtake anyone with whom it does not happen. The answer is very simple - it meaning. Why do people voluntarily force themselves to suffer and sometimes commit rash acts?

Meaning and meaning of love

As can be understood from the classification of feelings - love arises not only in a man for a woman, it manifests itself in children for parents and vice versa. To the Motherland and people living in the whole wide world. But most likely its meaning lies in the individual life of each person. What does it mean? Only one thing, that the term "love" denotes selfishness inherent in all animate beings by nature in order to preserve life, procreate and ensure the most comfortable stay on this planet.

Love, as a manifestation of egoism that is more understandable to us, is a human justification and salvation of individuality. There is only one feeling capable of undermining selfishness - sex drive. Only with this chemical combination of two beings, the definition of man himself as the center of the universe can be relegated to the background.

Having met an individual suitable for us according to the parameters once formed in childhood, we can lose our heads and push our ambitions and principles into the background in order to achieve hunting goals and keep what we want near us. Some researchers argue that so far in the history of manifestations of his love for her, in its full semantic measure, did not exist. After all, its purpose is to create from two halves of one - ideal personality, superman, to continue a species more perfect than ourselves.

And the appearance of a true being is an approach to the bright image of God. But a spiritual-physical person cannot improve on his own. Our characteristic idealization shows a vague image of a beloved object through the prism of the social environment, the influence of which we are exposed to from birth. Simply put, the image of a loved one, existence next to him, raising an ideal personality in future children in order to strive for excellence, is formed depending on the conditions and upbringing, since man is a creature in need of an environment. This is where the multifaceted classification comes from.

What is parental love?

parental love includes biological instincts formed by hormone production oxytocin on the one hand, and the intellectual embodiment of the unrealized self on the other. Love for a child is manifested in care and affection, self-sacrifice for the upbringing of the future generation.

However, there are times when moms and dads overdo it in their desire to protect kids from various troubles. In this case, love can go to the detriment. Here are the main manifestations super love»:

• Providing complete freedom.
• To do everything for the unreasonable kid yourself.
• Tight control of every step.
• Constantly express your feelings, kiss and hug an adult who no longer needs it.
• Love only when he is good, succeeds.

The question arises: Why are desired and unwanted children born, if the parental instinct is given to everyone from birth in the form of a set of hormones?».

There is such a thing: "exception", in nature there are white dolphins, flying snakes and fish. So we also meet those who are not familiar with parental love due to the prevailing circumstances of upbringing, and possibly medical indications. Meanwhile, parental love is the most sincere, based on complete dedication, since parents are the only people who are really ready to make any sacrifices for the sake of their child. And this, perhaps, cannot be explained by any theory of the manifestation of egoism.

What is unrequited love?

Everyone has had to go through this: one person has feelings, and the other does not. Usually, such an emotional shock leads to a strong surge negative emotions, longing and depression. On the other hand, under the influence of hopelessness and unspentness of accumulated experiences, we are capable of much. Wanting sometimes to prove to the object of adoration that he refused, we move mountains, discover unknown talents in ourselves: we begin to write poetry and music, draw pictures.

Of course, everyone wants to receive an answer to their feelings. But unrequited love should not be perceived as a misfortune and push us madness. Many people, having gone through this, then remain grateful to her, having made correct conclusions and deeds. The reasons for its non-manifestation may be different:

1. You are not, sadly, that ideal of the second half, the image of which was formed in a person in the process of growing up.
2. It is possible that the object you have chosen is not yet ready, due to its more late ripening. We all develop differently.
3. The beloved already has an object of adoration, and he does not need a better option.

Anyway, rejected love is an experience given to us to fight with ourselves, their ambitions and manifestations of selfishness.

What is platonic love?

IN modern understanding- manifestation of spiritual feelings, without mundane physical contacts. It got its name from the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, who was the first to describe such manifestations of love in the form of the dialogue "Feast". This feeling is considered ideal, not entailing the duties of earthly fuss and everyday problems. The person loved by the genuine platonic love, inspires the soul of the lover to find the spiritual world. Why is such sympathy necessary?

• Sometimes this species relationships saves people who have health problems, due to which they cannot have physical contact, and it is simply necessary to waste the accumulated care and affection, no one has canceled the instinct of procreation.
• Genuine religious beliefs often do not allow you to defile your body with carnal pleasures. In this case, it remains to devote oneself to the spiritual world.
• Unrequited love can also be called platonic, since physical contact is almost impossible with a person who does not want it.
• Some people are afraid to mess up ideal relationship with a partner. Close contact obliges, and pure friendship is a sincere impulse.

Such feelings are beautiful and reliable. They help in personal development and education. The knowledge of Platonic feelings elevates the personality above instincts and desires, teaches you to control yourself, makes it possible to understand what love is. perfect. They can be called perfect.

What is a marriage union?

Marriage is the formalization of relations between men and women in the face of the state, in its traditional view. Why write down on paper what is given by nature and God?

The reality is that feelings that have just arisen are the brightest moment of their manifestation, over time, they become a common thing, and everyday problems, which lovers have to share, sometimes eat everything bright alive. Acquired good, children and other benefits have to be divided somehow. And here the same one helps paper record of your love. The law clearly defines who owes what to whom. So it turns out that love is love, but everything must be done officially so that there are no questions later.

Everyone understands perfectly well that no mark in the passport will prevent, if desired, to find another soul mate, to forget about parental love. True perfect sympathy can have a real embodiment only in its platonic manifestation. Where a person himself desires, he strives, he himself will be there. And you can’t write down beautiful feasts on any paper, under any music. Yes, it remains to state that marriage is not for love, but to ensure their own well-being and tranquility.

What is friendly love?

Sympathy can also occur between people of the same sex, age, and in other variable forms. Such a manifestation of feelings in our society is called friendship . Sociologists argue that friendship is a disinterested relationship between people in a selective manner.

They even learned to highlight the signs characteristic of this type of relationship:

• Tolerance,
• Respect,
• Confidence.

Don't loving parents show the same to their children, and an appreciating husband to his wife and vice versa? Of course, yes: they tolerate, and respect, and trust. It turns out that love is friendship, and friendship is love.

But is she really that selfless? After all, choosing a comrade for ourselves, we are guided by certain formed standards of his behavior, interests, sympathies. Here it is - a manifestation of personal egoism. Despite all the spirituality of partnership, we are still looking for benefits for ourselves, first of all. We should be interested next to a friend, so that there is something to talk about, someone to cry on the shoulder. Man is a communal being, and therefore he chooses his environment, but given the presence of a thinking mind, this environment has a certain character. It turns out that and friendship is an instinct.

The Church teaches us that love is for God and one's neighbor. But unlike the parent, the Christian does not depend on family ties, sex, age, difference in material well-being and status in society.

Christian virtue is mercy, that is, the desire to help, protect, replenish, not remembering one's selfish interests. Orthodox Church teaches us how to love sincerely without compensation, forgetting about our own egoism and material values, mundane desires and physical pleasure. It teaches us true platonic sympathy, which does not contain the sin that brought a person down to earth. It brings up God in us - a perfect being. Everyone can understand this in their own way. Due to personal characteristics. But such a theory can help to live, treating everything with understanding.

Having learned to love people who hurt, offended, having learned to forgive others and yourself, we can say that you were able to understand what spiritual love is and overcome your selfish instinct. By bringing yourself closer, thus, at least a little, to perfection.

Even neuroscientists have studied the phenomenon of love relationships. Based on their research, they gave her the following definition: dopaminergicpurposefulmotivationto the formation of pair bonds ". But whatever you call it, everyone will be able to decide for themselves: what is love, only by experiencing all kinds of its manifestations: parental care, friendship, virtue and mercy, loss, meeting and parting.

Video about the meaning of love

In this video, psychologist Ivan Spiridonov interviews a completely different people who are asked the same question: “what does love mean to you?”:

Well, how else? Mom and dad gave you life, raised you. Now you owe them your life to the grave. But it turns out that many children (regardless of their age) look at love for their parents in a slightly different way.

The conflict of generations is expressed in the views of these same generations on many things, including love. To better understand children and reduce conflicts to a minimum, you should at least try to look at the problem from their perspective. The same applies to children.

Love for parents and beyond. What is hidden behind this word?

Try a little experiment: ask 15 to 20 of your acquaintances about how they understand love.

Ask them not one but two questions:

1. What is love for you?
2. How do you understand love for parents?

I did such an experiment. Answers to the first question ranged from "butterflies in the stomach and wings behind the back" to "the desire to do anything for a loved one."

But love for parents was reduced mainly to care. And only small children (for the sake of purity of the experiment, I interviewed 7 children aged 6 to 12) spoke not only about help and obedience, but also about caresses. My seven-year-old goddaughter said that loving mom and dad means kissing and hugging them.

Yes, care and assistance to parents is important, but love is not limited to them.

Alas, adult children often forget about such an aspect of love for parents as communication and affection. This is the basis of the conflict between children and parents, because for our mothers and fathers one care is not enough, while we forget / do not want to give them something else behind this frantic pace of life.

But in order to fix harmonious relationship It's enough just to imagine yourself in the place of your parents. Let's analyze this situation.

Irina Alexandrovna had 2 adult sons. One lived abroad with his family and his mother saw him once a year. The second (Anatoly) lived only 100 km from the village where Irina Alexandrovna whiled away her old age, but the woman saw him no more often than the “foreigner”.

In the eyes of the neighbors, Tolik was a caring son: he regularly sent his driver with boxes of food, hired people to help his mother with the garden and housekeeping, arranged for her to go to the hospital for examinations, etc.

But he practically never spoke with Irina Alexandrovna, she did not know how and with what he lives, how her grandchildren grow up. And no remote care and monetary investment could compensate for simple human communication.

It seems that both mother and son are right in this situation (she - demanding care, he - helping financially and hiding behind the lack of time) and at the same time - both are wrong. Hence the mutual claims, and unwillingness to find some kind of compromise.

Love for parents and the problems that are associated with it ...

It would seem, what problems can be associated with such a great and bright feeling as love, especially for parents, where there can be no personal dramas, betrayal and other filth?

And yet, there are plenty of problems. Let's just focus on the most common.

1) Is love for parents an unconditional feeling or does it need to be taught to children?

On one of the specialized psychological resources, I found interesting article that the task of parents is to teach children to love. A good article, with examples, but you should have seen the comments of outraged mothers. Here are a few of them:

All attempts by the author of the article to prove that his conclusions are based on a scientific approach, that there are many life examples when it was parental crazy love that turned children into consumers, did not give anything. Moms stood their ground: love for their parents in a child is genetically laid down and that's it.

Where, then, in nursing homes are old people whose children are alive and well? Where wild stories about the fact that the son / daughter put the father / mother on the street, killed for savings, etc.?

Don't they mean you need enough and don't demand unconditional love just because you gave birth to them?

2) Is it necessary to feel love for all parents without exception?

Another problem that sows discord between different generations- the answer to the question: "Is it necessary to love all parents without exception only on the basis of the fact that they gave you life?".

Let's not take absolutely terrible examples, such as a mother who threw her child into the trash and miraculously saved his life, or a pedophile father who visited his daughter's bedroom with early age. Here we are talking about serious psychological trauma inflicted by monsters, which can hardly be called people.

Let us dwell on a more neutral example of dislike for parents.

Katerina and Yuri divorced when their daughter was only 5 years old. The girl stayed with her mother. Dad was very quickly comforted new family and the only thing that reminded of him - alimony (quite decent) and a birthday present, which he, starting from Anya's 12th birthday, did not even bring personally - the courier delivered.

He did not take any part (except material) in the life of his daughter, did not spend time with her. At first, Anya was very upset, cried, convinced herself that she needed to study for one five, win competitions (the girl did gymnastics) and then dad would start to be proud of her, which means he would come more often.

With age, the desire to have a father began to weaken. She wasn't angry at him, she just saw him as a distant relative.

At 35, Anya did not become a famous athlete, but she opened a fitness room, successfully married a major entrepreneur, and gave birth to two children.

And then dad showed up with a request to give him money for the operation. Anya gave money without any problems, but her father began to make other demands: to visit him, spend time with him, let him see his grandchildren.

Anya refused: “Before, you had to remember that you have a daughter. She is always ready to help with money, but do not rely on the rest. Of the parents whom I love, I only have a mother.

And although many stigmatized the young woman for cruelty (“Father after all!”), She remained adamant.

It's hard to judge grown children who don't want to have anything to do with their parents, because earlier moms and dads pretended that they were mostly childless.

You can’t live for your own pleasure, not want, and then, when old age knocks on the door, show up in their lives, demand love, care, attention.

To get something, including love, you need to give something.

3) What to do if love becomes a source of manipulation?

Surely you have at least once met a couple where one partner loves infinitely, and the second uses this feeling more than gives in return.

In the relationship between children and parents, it happens the same way, both on the one hand and on the other.

Let's imagine two situations.

Inna got pregnant by accident at the age of 19. She was not ready for the birth of a child, especially since the baby's father did not want to hear about him. She would definitely have had an abortion, but her mother intervened: “Don’t even think about taking such a sin on your soul! Let's grow it ourselves!"

Inna gave up, believing that with the advent of the baby, parental love would wake up in her. Didn't wake up. Her son irritated her more than pleased her, although she played the role of mother impeccably.

But Kostya adored his mother, without hiding it. Mom Inna quickly realized that son love can be used. He was constantly told that mom is the main thing in life, that she needs to give not only her time and attention, but also money, etc.

As a result: Kostya, in his 40s, lives with his mother, having 2 failed marriages behind him. Inna is happy: her son provides for her perfectly, she travels, dresses well and thinks not about where to buy products cheaper, but about a new cosmetic procedure.

Victor is a late, desired and very beloved child. As a child, he realized that his parents' love for him was boundless.

He did not even have elementary household duties, he was not denied anything, protected from everyone, whether it was quarrels with peers or "unfair" assessments of teachers.

As a result: a 35-year-old infantile allows his parents to fully support themselves financially, believing that taking what they give is love.

As for me, that in the first, that in the second story there is no love. There is blind adoration and selfish consumption. Both parties are wrong, not just consumers.

Love for parents in the understanding of children and parents themselves: two sides of the same coin

In the last section of the article, I would like to give some recommendations to both parents and their descendants based on the numerous stories I heard.

1. How should children express love for their parents?

I don’t think that I’m being read by very young children, so I will turn to adult children who understand the meaning of the words “respect”, “responsibility”, “understanding”, “necessity”, etc.

It’s not enough just to feel warm feelings for your parents, you need to express your love:

At least sometimes tell your mom and dad that you love them, that they - Dear people in your life, that they have given you a lot, etc. Words of love help to smooth over many sharp corners in a relationship.

Communication.

Even if you live far away from your parents and can't meet with them too often, there is a phone, skype and more.

Make it a habit to talk to mom and dad at least once every two days, ask how they are doing, tell about their own. It won't take long, but it will make them happy.

This term is broad enough to include:

• moral and material support;
• solving some parental problems;
• sickness care, etc. .

1. Personal meetings.

   Even if you live on the other side of the world, once a year you need to come to visit your parents so that the connection between generations is not interrupted.

   This is especially important if you have your own children, because it is not for nothing that they say that grandchildren are loved even more than their own children.

   Fulfillment of the wishes of the parents.

   Remember that feeling when Santa Claus brought you the gift you've been dreaming about for so long? It's time to repay debts and become Santa Claus for your parents.

   Complete at least one of them. cherished dream, be it some thing, a trip to an exotic country, a ticket to a concert of your favorite artist, a desire to learn something, or something else.

Sticking 5 simple rules, you can live your life, but at the same time your parents will feel your love.

Social video about love for parents.

Do not offend your relatives! Love them!

2. How should parents receive their children's love?

For parents, it is important:

• not to choke your adult children with love and care;
• let them learn from their mistakes;
• do not forbid daughters and sons to spend time and money on themselves;
• to form relationships so that your children are not burdened by the performance of their duties;
• ask, not demand.

Here are a few useful tips parents who want to feel the love of their children, not their annoyance:

Do not blackmail your descendants.

Stop using phrases: “I gave you life, and you ...”, “But other children ...”, “How much work has been invested in you, but there is no return”, “I should have lived for myself, and not rushed with you, etc. P.".

In the end, no one forced you to have children, to rush about with them, forgetting about yourself. It was your choice. Should not be vaccinated own child feeling guilty because he ruined your life with his birth.

Live your life.

Children have grown up and no longer need your every minute attention. Finally start doing what you want: travel, go to the country, volunteer, get a dog, visit interest clubs, etc.

The richer your life, the less time you will have to think: "Oh, I'm so lonely", "These children are so ungrateful", etc.

Respect children's right to privacy.

Yes, you love them and want to remain an important part of their lives, but do you really think that husband / wife, children (your grandchildren), work are all secondary?

Do you really not want happiness for your little bloods, but really strive to replace everything in their life with yourself and your love?

Don't try to buy love.

I know some parents (especially rural residents) who give almost all their pensions to their children/grandchildren. For what? They work and earn!

One thing - cash gifts for a birthday, but it is quite another to teach them to come to you exclusively for a pension. So you will never teach them to be independent, and money cannot buy love if you have raised infantile egoists.

Of course, it is impossible to adjust love for parents to any framework, therefore the advice is general. Everything depends, first of all, on the person himself and what character traits (positive or negative) prevail in him. Sometimes even the largest investments do not pay dividends if the project is initially unprofitable.

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We all need parental love. This is the one a special case when in manifestation tender feelings any person needs the closest and dearest people, regardless of age, social status And financial opportunities. An infant who cannot yet cope with the fear of the unknown and big world. A teenager trying to figure out the temptations and prospects of the future adult life. An old man who has come a long way in life. A banker, a handyman, a businessman and a professor all need manifestations of the love of their parents.

What is parental love? Why, throughout life, each of us so urgently needs its manifestations? Why are people who have not experienced these emotions deeply unhappy all their lives?

Understand these difficult questions let's try in our article.

Features of family relationships

Every child grows and is brought up in a family. At the same time, the size of this unit of society does not change its definition in any way. Either the large family, who has many loving and friendly relatives, or a single mother who cannot imagine her life without a single child. Consequently, the people who live with the child and are engaged in his provision, upbringing and education are his family.

From the first days of life, the baby sees and feels not only an emotional attitude towards him, but also the relationship of close relatives, as well as their communication with other people.

The future of the baby depends (and there is no exaggeration here) on how prosperous and psychologically acceptable these relationships will be. This is not only about psychological comfort (although this is very important aspect), but also physical and intellectual development.

The “charge” of parental love, which the baby feels every minute, allows him to develop rapidly, becoming more confident in his strengths and capabilities every day.

Interesting is the fact that observations of the behavior of parents are laid as the basis for future family relationships. That is, a mother who loves her only daughter immensely, who constantly quarrels with her father and feels humiliated, will not be able to teach the baby the harmony of family relationships.

Hence, parental feelings can be considered the main, but not the only component factor of parental love. Harmonious family relationships are also important for the formation of a self-confident, happy and comprehensively developed personality.

Essence of parental love

For most of us, parental love is associated with a selfless and all-encompassing feeling that is not subject to any outside influences. Is it so?

From a physiological point of view, only mothers who, after painful birth suffering, give birth to a baby, can experience such a feeling. close physical connection during the entire period of pregnancy, when a woman feels the movements of the crumbs inside herself, she lays a certain psychological attachment. This attachment should grow into that bright and great feeling called parental love.

However postpartum depression, unpredictable behavior of children in crisis periods, their own failures in personal and professional activities often lead to a distortion of the emotions that a woman feels immediately after childbirth.

Fatigue, stress, misunderstanding and other factors that occur daily in the life of every mother leave their mark on the relationship between a woman and her child. Screams, threats, slaps and cuffs, unwillingness to listen to the baby are factors that occur in parenting often enough.

This does not mean at all that with such behavior, the mother does not love her child. She sincerely worries about him, cooks food and checks the lessons. But does the child feel her love? Does he understand that such aggressive or indifferent behavior of the mother is associated with ordinary fatigue? Hardly. Every day, the baby will have confidence that his mother loves him less or has stopped loving him at all.

As for the manifestations of parental feelings by fathers, the situation is even more complicated.

Men do not experience the pangs of toxicosis, they do not feel the movement of a small body inside them. Their love is a conscious feeling, which manifests itself rather at the level of intellectual and social reflections.

Of course, it cannot be denied that a strong emotional attachment to the mother of a child leads to the fact that a man subconsciously begins to love her baby. Even if he doesn't have to biological father baby.

For men, to a greater extent than for women, it is common to use an educational model of behavior from their family. That is, he believes that he should raise his children the way he was once raised. If the head of the family was beaten in the childhood of the future, he will consider this educational method absolutely correct, while arguing that this form of communication is also a manifestation of parental love.

The above facts indicate that the manifestations of parental love depend not only on emotional attachment. The expression of these feelings occurs in the process of education. That is, on which model of influence on the child is chosen, it depends on how much the baby can feel and appreciate the love of his parents.

Causes of Behavior Change

Before proceeding to the analysis of errors in the upbringing of parents, it is necessary to consider in more detail the reasons due to which the attitude of adults towards their own children changes.

Emotions and relationships caused by them, for a long time studied by psychologists and sociologists. Until now, the mechanisms of their occurrence have not been identified. Therefore, we will focus on the most obvious factors that have already been described in scientific papers.

Features of child psychology

All parents, in anticipation of the baby, mentally imagine how he will grow up. They draw pictures in their imagination where their children are beautiful and obedient, how their relatives and friends admire their achievements.

When, in the process of growing up, a child does not justify such bright hopes, irritation appears. Irritation from the fact that the baby is distracted, slow, impulsive, noisy, restless, naughty. All parents will have their own list, depending on what hopes their offspring did not justify.

The situation is aggravated if the difference in temperaments joins the above qualities of the child's character. Parents, who are accustomed to doing everything after careful calculations and reasoning, watch with horror as their offspring enthusiastically rushes into any new undertaking, without bothering to make a plan for it. And choleric people, in whom any business is arguing, with undisguised irritation state the fact that their child is a “stupid”, because he needs so much time to get used to a new task.

Image Transfer

As you know, it is much more difficult to notice your own shortcomings than other people's. And parents, seeing the negative traits of their own character in children, approach their identification in the most critical way.

In this case there is a substitution of concepts. Adults are sincerely perplexed why their children, whom “they have told so many times”, behave in a completely different way. The answer lies in a simple truth: children learn not by what they hear, but by what they see.

That is, the baby is deceiving when he realizes that his parents are constantly doing this. He will start stealing when he sees that mom or dad can "quietly" take someone else's forgotten thing. They quarrel, fight and behave defiantly when they see how dad angrily scolds the cashier for incorrectly counted change or mom breaks the dishes in hysterics after another quarrel.

Features of the psychology of parents

IN this case this is about psychological characteristics adults. Depressed, aggressive, or authoritarian people project their mindset onto children as part of their lives.

The rejection of a child is especially pronounced in adults with depressive disorders. It is difficult to predict exactly how such a condition will affect children, since during the period of disorder such people are equally prone to violence and to complete indifference.

Consequences of post-traumatic stress disorder

This reason is not as common as all the others. However, it is the most difficult to correct even for experienced psychotherapists.

The rejection of a child occurs after some tragic and significant event. For example, when a wife dies in childbirth, or a father dies on the birthday of a baby.

In this case, the baby is associated with tragedy, misfortune and deep emotional experiences. In any case, we are talking about sharply negative emotions.

Violation of the habitual way of life

Psychologists call such violations in the relationship between parents and children the phenomenon of "unwanted child".

Adults cannot accept that with the advent of the baby, their lifestyle changes. For example, they are forced to suspend their career advancement or cannot devote as much time to themselves as before.

The baby is perceived as an "obstacle", "hindrance" in everyday life.

Increased conflict in the family

The most common situation in modern families. Misunderstandings and quarrels in the family, hatred for the second half, resentment and quarrels lead to the transfer of dissatisfaction to personal life on babies.

Manifestations of love in education

Education is perceived as a pedagogical problem. Perhaps that is why many parents do not think about how they raise their children. But it depends on the methods of educational influence of the closest and dearest adults whether they will be able to convey to their kids those feelings of parental love that are in their hearts.

Consider the main types of deviations in parenting, described in scientific papers on child psychology.

Conditional

The child is treated the way he deserves. That is, if a child behaves well, they love him, kiss him and talk about love. In the event of a “program failure”, when the child behaves badly, he is denied positive emotions and caress.

Ambivalent

Adults love their baby very much, but do not consider it necessary to talk about it with him, demonstrating complete indifference to the life and emotions of the child.

indefinite

This upbringing is common in families where both parents are very young. They are unwilling or unable to show their emotions.

Hidden rejection

Parents experience subconscious irritation to everything that their child does. However, the understanding that “this is not possible” makes them hide their emotions. Irritation accumulates and will surely pour out at the slightest fault of the baby.

open rejection

Parents do not hesitate to show their negative attitude to children. This manner of upbringing is the most dangerous, as it always leads to abnormal development of the baby's personality.

A pity

Adults demonstrate their love and affection, while not forgetting to point out to the baby that he is far from perfect physically or psychologically. However, these shortcomings are not always true. Parents openly say: "I know that my baby has problems, but I still love him." Low self-esteem and inability to independent living- the minimum of troubles that await in the life of a child of such parents.

Detachment

Parents love and show their love. However emotional relationship are not supported by a sense of trust, a desire to learn about the personal life and experiences of the child. Communication takes place within necessary action, but detached. Complete unwillingness to inner world crumbs and solve such important problems for him.

The pursuit

A complex of feelings based on antipathy, respect and intimacy. Adults tightly control their child, not allowing him to show any individual characteristics. He must be "like everyone else." The desire to break the will and free thinking is combined with the recognition of the child's volitional qualities.

Contempt

Adults are sure that their child is "the unsuccessful fruit of their love." Due to the peculiarities of the child's psyche or physical development Parents label their children as "losers". The merits and successes of the crumbs are not noticed and are not encouraged. Moreover, in this case, adults experience piercing self-pity, as they are forced to be the parents of their own child. The educational impact is transferred to social institutions, because mom or dad believes that they cannot influence this "unbearable child."

Of course, none of the above examples of parental love is found in pure form. Most often, we are talking about combined models, when the decisive factor in the behavior of adults is their own upbringing, views on society and relations in it.

And again about the family

Why, then, do parents who so eagerly await the birth of their offspring often make such irreparable mistakes in raising their children? (Of course, now we are not talking about psychological trauma associated with the death of relatives, or other tragic accidents).

To answer this question, we need to go back to the question family education. The cycle of life in this issue plays a rather negative role. After all, adults were also once children who were brought up in a family with their own rules and laws. These rules are automatically transferred to new cell society, having its additions in the form of fatigue and stress, which we talked about above.

If you recognize yourself in the above examples of the relationship between parents and children, you should think about why this happened. In this case, you need to talk with your parents about educational problems, perhaps your attitude towards your offspring is connected with a chain of harmful traditions that should already be interrupted.

Parental love is tender and at the same time strong feeling protection. Love usually awakens in all parents that deepest feeling of concern for their child, for his future happiness and well-being in his future family. This feeling was originally designed to be carried through time. It allows people to "move mountains" and sacrifice themselves for the sake of loved ones. An example of strong parental love can be a film, a description of which can be found on the site wewed.ru/articles/semya..., where the protection of a child by parents is especially felt. The most important thing is when parents do not hesitate to show the child that they love and appreciate him, they behave very faithfully towards him. Thanks to this, he ceases to be afraid of anything in life at all.

As for the characteristics of adults, parents who love their child really value them. The child begins to appreciate parents and gives them the highest priority. Therefore, for parents, their child should come first, and everything else should remain second. Children are a real treasure, both for dad and mom.

Every child feels the love of loved ones from the very birth. Children need to be sure to show their love both morally and physically. They must fully feel that someone loves them and that they are not alone. It’s bad when parents make mistakes and make stupid conclusions about their child, for example, “afraid means respect.” This is not so, since every year you bring up rigidity in your child.

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