The right attitude towards grades

All parents want their children to be happy to go to school, perform homework, brought good grades. In reality, this is not the case for everyone. And often not only for children, but also for parents school years become a heavy burden. But the situation can be changed.

The main thing is that after graduating from school, the child feels healthy emotionally and physically, confident and psychologically strong. Parents miss out on these larger moments by demanding good grades.

If the child does not do anything at school, does homework for 3-4 hours at home, do not scold for absent-mindedness, but teach organization. And this is the task of the parents, not the school, although teachers do their bit. In fact, homework for a child is a matter that he must do on his own and be responsible for it. Maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable being around. desk, or he lacks the necessary things, such as a ruler, for example. In this case, you need to buy children's products that will help your child do homework quickly and make learning much easier.

Get used to the daily routine. Set to mobile phone reminders. It is more difficult to keep track of time yourself, the child can do something interesting and forget about the lessons. Optimal time-16 hours. And before that, the child needs to take a walk.

Learn how to plan your homework. You need to start with your favorite subject. Then you need to move on to more complex and finish with a simple subject. At the same time, find out from the child which subject he considers easy and which is difficult.

Practice perseverance. IN free time play checkers, dominoes, chess together, collect constructors.

Get interested in learning. Every child has a desire for knowledge. Regardless of whether he studies well or poorly, do not forget about the motivation to study. Conversations on the topic that "someone studied, but what's the point, trades in the market", it is better to conduct not in the presence of a child.

Expand your cognitive horizons. Don't shy away from questions. If a child asks to buy books on a topic that interests him, do not refuse.

Don't scold me for bad grades. A bad grade is a punishment in itself for a child. You need to understand that the reasons can be very different: from the banal forgot to bring to class tutorial, until misunderstanding of the topic, conflicts with the teacher, etc. The task of the parents is to establish the cause and try to eliminate it. Demanding good grades in all subjects is also a mistake. Take care of the child, let him determine his favorite items. As a rule, there are no more than three of them.

Praise more often. For any, even insignificant success. If training is difficult, cultivate faith in your own strength: “You are doing the right thing! You will succeed!” Listen to good music. Everyone knows that music changes our mood. Children are more sensitive. Therefore, let good music sound in the child’s room at least an hour a day. In choosing, listen to his interests, it can be both classics and songs from cartoons. The main thing is that she gives a charge of positive mood.

And hug your baby more often. Call the child not to ask about the lessons, but to say that you are bored. And sit at home and talk about abstract topics.

Sometimes your parents may seem like enemies to you, but in fact they are yours. best friends. If you're afraid to tell them about bad evaluation, then remember that they will only get upset or angry at a short time and only because they care about you and want you to have a good academic record. Telling your parents honestly about the bad grade can help mitigate the consequences of such a conversation.

Steps

Part 1

Review your report card. By looking at the report card, you can determine in which subjects you have excellent academic performance. In addition, you can see which items need to be pulled up. If you do not understand something or you disagree with something, talk to the teacher. You will need to talk to your parents about your grades, so you need to understand what's what.

Think about why you get bad grades. Write it all down possible reasons for which you got bad grades Lately. The first thing your parents will want to know is why you got bad grades. Be prepared to explain these reasons to them. Do not lie. Below you will find possible reasons for poor performance:

Talk to the teacher. If you know you're going to have a low grade in a term or semester, talk to your teacher about how you can improve your grade. Be honest with your teacher about why you are failing.

• Ask if you can get an extra grade by completing an assignment.
• Get your teacher's opinion on your progress. Teachers have a lot of experience working with underperforming students and they can give you reasons for your underachievement that you didn't even know existed.
• Ask for advice on how best to study and assimilate the material of the subject.

1. Make a plan to improve your performance. Use all the information you got from reviewing your report card yourself, as well as the teacher's advice. Thanks to this, your academic performance will improve significantly in the next semester. When you talk to your parents, show them your plan. This will show that you acknowledge the mistakes you have made and are ready to take action to correct them. Parents will see that you are behaving like an adult who sees your mistakes and is ready to do everything possible to correct them. This makes parents more likely to believe your promise to improve their performance. The following are ways to help improve grades:

   Make up your daily routine. Everyone is different, so it's important to have a schedule that's comfortable for you to follow. Write a schedule that includes space for homework and rest. You can immediately start doing homework after school or take a break for a couple of hours, and then do your homework. Choose what suits you.

   • Start doing your homework at the same time every day. If you learn to follow a set schedule, your academic performance will improve significantly.

2. Set realistic goals for yourself. Think about why good grades are important to you. What do you want to do in the future? Many students want to additional education and get hired Good work. Have you already decided where you will study after graduation? If you already know what you want to be, you can focus on learning the subjects you will need to know in the future. Find out what are the admission requirements for educational institution. In addition, find out which GPA is considered the most preferable for admission.

   Part 2

   Conversation with parents

   1. Don't try to hide your report card from your parents. Although you may have such a desire, resist the temptation. If you try to withhold grades from your parents, you will show your immaturity. However, if you are willing to tell them honestly about your achievements and failures, you will show yourself as a responsible person. In addition, if your parents find out that you tried to hide the truth from them, they may become very angry, which is unlikely to please you.

      Talk to both parents at the same time. Even if you have trusting relationship with one of the parents, it is worth talking immediately with both dad and mom. This will show that you are ready to admit your mistakes and discuss them with your parents. Thanks to this, you will be able to win the respect of your parents.

      • Tell your parents that you have bad grades before showing your diary or report card. It is better to hear bad news than to see it on paper. The reaction of the parents will not be so harsh.

   2. Explain the reasons for your poor performance. Parents need to know why you think you got bad grades. This will show that you are open to dialogue with your parents. Tell us about your strengths and weaknesses. Show the list of reasons you have compiled and discuss it with your parents. Be honest with your parents.

      Show your parents the action plan you made to correct bad grades. Tell your parents what you plan to do to improve your grades. Explain to them each of your actions and why it should bring results. Show your plan in writing so parents can see what you are willing to do to improve your grades. Ask your parents for advice on what else to do on this list.

      Find out what grades your parents think are bad. You must clearly understand which grades for parents are bad and which are good. This way you will know what they expect from you.

      Focus on the positive. When talking with parents, mention the positive aspects of the report card. Even if you have not only good grades in the report card, pay the attention of parents to positive side your progress. This can sometimes be hard to do, but try to focus on your accomplishments. You can draw their attention to good behavior or perfect school attendance.

      • Pay attention to even minor improvements. Did you manage to improve your grade in any subject? You already long time Do you maintain a satisfactory level in the exact sciences?
      • Don't let bad grades overshadow your hard work. Of course, there are good grades in your report card that parents should look for. close attention. Also think about bad grades. Parents don't like your history grade? What was your grade in this subject last year? You may have improved your grades this year. If so, tell your parents about it. Also, promise them that you will do your best to improve your grades!

   3. Don't think that your parents will be very angry with you. Your parents were also children, so they are unlikely to be too harsh. Parents most likely remember that they got bad grades too, so if this is your first time, ask them to be understanding. Remember, if you talk to them calmly, you will cause less resentment and show your best side.

      • Be polite and show respect even when you are upset. Chances are your parents will get angry when they hear about your bad grade, but don't let yourself be angry in return.
      • Be prepared to accept punishment from your parents.

   4. Be an optimist. Bad grades are not the end of the world. The more you can improve your grades. Besides, you already have a plan to solve this problem! Promise your parents and yourself that you will do your best to follow through with your plan. Your academic performance should be very important to you.

      • Do not give up! Even if you are very upset, do not give up. Don't tell your parents, "I can't improve my grades! I am a loser! I am stupid! This is impossible!" It is unlikely that with such thinking you will be able to save positive attitude. If your goal seems unattainable, try breaking it down into smaller ones. Say to yourself, "I will try to write well on the test and improve my grade by at least one point." Achieving these small goals will help you improve your academic performance.

   5. Ask parents to talk to other parents or your teacher. Perhaps you think that the teacher is the reason for your poor performance. Be honest. Don't blame the teacher good reason. This will only make the situation worse. However, if you know that other students also do not understand this subject well, or the teacher does not prepare you for independent work and tests in this subject, inform your parents.

   6. Ask your parents to help you improve your grades. Tell them honestly that it's hard for you to stick to a daily schedule. Ask your parents to supervise you. Promise your parents that you won't start to resent if they control the implementation of the plan you have drawn up. In addition, parents can help you in the following ways:

      • Parents can explain difficult material to you accessible words. Sometimes teachers and textbooks present the subject in a way that is difficult to understand. Parents know you better, so they can explain the material to you more clearly.
      • Parents can help you make memory cards.
      • Parents can ask you questions about what you have learned.
      • Parents can check your homework and correct mistakes.
      • Parents may give you extra tasks (outside of school) so that you practice more and can better understand the material.
      • You must understand that your parents are busy people and they can't devote much time to your homework. So be grateful to your parents for any help they give you.

   7. Ask your parents to hire a tutor. A tutor will help you improve your grades. However, remember that tutoring services are usually expensive. Don't be discouraged if your parents can't comply with your request.

      • Your classmate who knows the subject in which you have poor grades can act as a tutor. In this case, you will receive the help you need, and your parents will not have to spend a lot of money on a tutor.

   8. Tell your parents about your current grades. If you honestly tell your parents about the grades you get, they will not be surprised by the low scores on the report card. Show them your independent and control work. Ask your parents to review your homework over the weekend. This will allow them to monitor your progress.

      • By doing all your homework on time, it will be easier for you to identify what you do not understand. If you receive a bad grade in control work, discuss with your parents what is the root of the problem, and also how you can correct the negative assessment. This will help you cope with any difficulties you face at school.
   • If one of the parents understands you better, talk to them first. Then talk to both parents at the same time.
   • If your parents are upset, stay calm. Don't start a quarrel. This will only make the situation worse.
   • Talk to your parents in a reasonable tone and listen to them. They just want you to be fine.
   • Release steam. Beat a pillow, ride a bike, play a computer game, or listen to music. Avoid fights with your parents.
   • Be prepared to accept reasonable punishment. This will show that you are serious about the current situation, and that this will not happen again.
   • Remember that your parents will always love you for who you are, even if you get a bad grade!
   • Tell your parents that school is difficult and that their support and help can help you improve your grades.
   • Draw their attention to positive points. Promise to fix bad grades.
   • Show the report card to your parents. Your parents will get even angrier if you try to hide your true grades. Therefore, do not fake estimates. Let your parents know what you are going to do to improve your grades.
   • Don't say, "My classmates are constantly talking and distracting me." This will show that you are trying to avoid responsibility. Be honest and be prepared to take responsibility for your wrong actions.
   • Get ready for worse development events, but at the same time, keep a positive attitude.
   • Some parents expect a lot from their children. Ask your parents for help if you don't understand something. They will most likely be willing to help you.

   Warnings

   • Show a bad grade to your parents when they have good mood. Otherwise, they may take out their aggression on you.
   • Don't forge your parents' signatures. The teacher can tell your parents about it.
   • Don't hide your diary or report card. Sooner or later, your parents will find out everything, and this can make them angry.
   • In some cultures, especially in Asian countries, you may not be able or even want to follow the steps above. In these countries, parents expect results from their children. Children do their best to meet the requirements of their parents. Even if you do your best, it will be difficult for parents to understand you if you do not get a positive result.
   • Your idea of ​​what good grades should be like may be different from your parents'. Even if you manage to improve your grades to an average level, your parents may require you to become an excellent student.
   • Don't be afraid to talk to your parents about bad grades. Parents will surely forget and forgive everything. Don't worry if this takes a long time. Your parents want the best for you.
   • Never lie to your parents. This will only make things worse!

Most schoolchildren are approaching the long-awaited holidays.

Your baby has imperceptibly grown up, and now he is no longer a baby and not a funny preschooler, but an almost adult respectable person - a schoolboy. Bought school uniform and the best satchel, a pack of notebooks, pens, pencils and a whole bunch of other necessary things. And you look forward to the fact that the child will delight his parents every day with fives? It cannot be otherwise: after all, your child is the most intelligent, developed, quick-witted and well-read!

Suddenly… For no apparent reason, deuces appear in the diary. And you are at a loss: how is it? What to do? Scold, punish, deal with the teacher?

We will give some advice from a psychologist on how to act if a child brings bad grades:

Tip #1 First of all - calm down. Not a single person has yet managed to do without deuces. Remember the most important thing: for bad grades, you can neither scold, nor, moreover, punish. Why? Because this will not help get rid of the problem, but it will show the child that parents cannot be trusted, and next time he will try to hide the mark he received. And over time, he will learn to hide other problems from you. Do you need it?

If deuces appear in your child's diary occasionally, then you should not worry at all. Such episodic bad grades can be considered an accident: who doesn’t happen to!

Tip #2 If you see a clear deterioration on the learning front, try to understand the situation. May be, school program too difficult for a child? This happens more often than is commonly thought. In this case, consider additional classes. A similar result occurs in the case, on the contrary, of an overly easy program for a child whose level of development is ahead of the knowledge offered by the school. He is simply bored with what he has known for a long time, and deuces may appear as a result of negligence.

Tip #3 Another option is banal laziness. Well, your child is also a person, has the right to be lazy. Try to control how he does his homework check it every evening for a while. Maybe I'll have to sit with him over textbooks, explain something. This method will also help if the student simply did not understand a topic, and he had difficulties.

Tip #4 A good way out would be the right motivation. Explain to the child that the knowledge he receives in primary school, - the basis of all further studies, and if he now takes his studies lightly, then in high school he will have a very difficult time. Do not threaten, but calmly say that if you receive a report card with bad grades, you will have to cancel the long-awaited summer trip: it must be earned. And don't be afraid to keep your promise if the child fails. Let him realize: he entered into adulthood, canceling a trip is not a punishment, but a confirmation of the truth that all good things need to be earned.

Tip #5 It may also happen that the student does not have a relationship with the teacher. Here, parents should make every effort to “deal with” the situation with the teacher. Talk to the child, find out the reason, try to understand the essence - who is right and who is not. It will also be useful to have a conversation with the teacher - alone or on parent meeting, depending on the circumstances. Just do not tune in to the "war"! Show your diplomatic skills.

Your goal is not to discourage the child from learning, not to suppress his faith in himself. Demand, but do not shout and do not scold. Explain that you are ready to provide any assistance that is required of you.

- Irina Evgenievna, you are not only a professional psychologist and psychotherapist, but also a mother of four children, so the problem school grades You are well acquainted. What should parents do? Scold a child? Punish?

I want to remind you that “bad grades” are a strictly individual concept: some parents scold for deuces, others for fours. If the student's annual grades have become for parents unpleasant surprise, I want to ask: where were these parents in the middle school year? Haven't they seen how their child learns? Now in all schools there are electronic journals, all grades are displayed in them, parents have access to them, and they can at any time see the child's progress in all subjects. Why do they begin to scold him after the end of the school year, when it is no longer possible to correct the situation?

If parents are not satisfied with the grades, you need to find out why this is happening: talk to the teacher, work with the child and understand what his difficulties are. But this must be done during the school year, and at the end of the year it is pointless to scold a child for bad grades.

It's important to celebrate and praise your child's accomplishments, so at the end of the school year, it's helpful to compare grades that have improved in recent years and praise your child for those accomplishments. If academic performance has fallen, the reason for this needs to be clarified in a complex way: maybe the child was sick a lot, started something or misunderstood? Or did he not have a relationship with the teacher? Children may have developmental features such as dyslexia or dysgraphia. Parents should find out together with the teacher: the child himself cannot understand why his performance has decreased, and adults should figure it out. Parents who closely monitor their child's studies throughout the year know in advance what annual grades he will receive. But if in this case, for unknown reasons, the final grades turned out to be unexpectedly bad, you need to go to school and deal with the teacher, and not with the child.

- Some parents scold children even for fours. Is it possible to achieve excellent performance in all subjects from a child?

This is absolutely unacceptable: a four is a good mark. Some parents believe that their child should study for five. But to whom and why does he owe it? Parents should clearly distinguish between their desires and the desires of the child: do adults want him to be an excellent student? Does the child want this? And most importantly, is he able to master all school subjects with excellent marks? Parents should honestly answer these questions for themselves and separate their personal ambitions from the requirements for the student. Parents who scold a child for getting fours forget that such a “pedagogical” approach cripples the child’s psyche: having received a four, the child cries and is afraid to go home.

- But sometimes parents see that the child is studying at half strength.

I would say that in this case the child simply saves his strength, and this can be explained. Schoolchildren have a lot of workload: they have to get up early and be disciplined, but their body grows, the brain is actively formed, and hormonal background is changing. As a result, they develop a lot of energy that they have to restrain, and all this greatly affects their attitude towards learning. But there is another factor: during the school year, children accumulate fatigue. In autumn, children begin to study actively: they rested, tanned and gained strength, so the results of the first quarter are good. Closer to the New Year, activity decreases, and by spring, the internal resources of schoolchildren are depleted: vitamin deficiency appears, immunity decreases, and working capacity decreases. The child unconsciously begins to save his strength, and the grades in the last quarter may be worse than in the first.

If parents believe that their child is studying at half strength, they should find out why this is happening and why he saves his energy: maybe he is more interested in doing something else or playing games. computer games? But there may be other reasons for half-hearted study - for example, missed material that was not learned in a timely manner interferes with learning following topics. As a result, the child has unbearable difficulties for him, with which he cannot cope on his own. In this case, parents should help him with additional classes, and not scold him.

- Or maybe the child is just lazy and does not want to study well?

If a child saves his strength, this is not laziness - this is a kind of adaptation of the child to life. He does not plan to be lazy, he does it unconsciously and he suffers from it himself. The child does not want to study poorly, he is afraid of teachers and is afraid of the disgrace of his parents, but at the same time, for some reason, he saves his strength or switches to something simple and easy, where he has more opportunities to become successful and achieve any achievements - for example, computer games.

- Is it necessary to punish a child for poor yearly marks by depriving him of any pleasures - for example, a promised excursion, tourist trip or trip to summer camp?

It is forbidden. Such a punishment would be a dishonest act towards the child: he still worked, tried, got up early, worked hard. Parents should take a closer look at their child, find out the causes of his problems and help with the assimilation of difficult material for him.

- If parents are dissatisfied with the student's annual grades, how to motivate the child for more successful studies in the future?

We must not forget that the children themselves are also upset because of poor grades and try to correct them. If good grades are considered something important and valuable in the classroom, then the child will be motivated to study as best as possible. But the main motivation is interest in learning: if a child is interested, he will study well. Gifts, purchases, trips and other material incentives are bad stimulation, and money as an incentive to study is generally unacceptable.

When baby goes to first class, parents are worried: what will be his success in school? Gradually, the first grader gets used to the educational process, parents calm down, because grade results are carried out only verbally: “well done”, “good”, “be careful”. Scolding a child for grades no need.

The next surge of parental experiences begins when the child enters the second grade and marks appear in the diary.
- I didn't understand! - Angrily shouts mother at her son - a second grader. - Why today "two"?
“I made a mistake dividing words into syllables,” the boy replies guiltily.
- Well, nothing: I’ll beat you in the evening - you’ll immediately separate the syllables! - The mother says angrily and almost runs to the exit, and the son, barely moving his legs, dejectedly trails after her, expecting punishment.

But it could have been done differently. It was necessary to ask why the child received such a mark that it was not clear to him in the lesson, and to reassure: “At home, we will practice dividing words into syllables, and tomorrow it will be more interesting for you in the lesson, and you will feel more confident.” Parents often forget that grades are an indicator of a child's knowledge and skills. If the student received a low grade, then the punishment of the mind will not add to him, on the contrary, by punishing, the parents move further and further in the direction of a dead-end relationship with the child.

There is another type of parent - like this mom:

“I don’t want to hear anything,” she says to her daughter, who is in the fourth grade, “I only need marks “4” and “5”!
The girl's mother's words make her heart bitter, scary. Here the teacher announces that a fourth-grader wrote a dictation in Russian for a three. The child, fearing punishment, rushes to the teacher's table and kneels:
- Please! Do not give me a "3", my mother will kill me at home if I get below "4".
The teacher, not knowing what to do, froze at these words. Having kind heart, she told the student that she would allow her to rewrite the dictation tomorrow. The girl breathed a sigh of relief. The next day, she wrote the dictation again on "3", but the teacher, taking pity on the girl, corrected the mistake with blue ink and put "4".
The child did not reach high results, and soon began to “cry out” grades in all subjects. And here a decisive situation for the psyche has developed: to study a subject or to learn to beg?
Mom called school psychologist. He explained the harmfulness of her behavior for the formation of a child's interest in learning and advised to work with the girl on those topics that she does not understand. And if the parents themselves cannot competently explain, then the psychologist recommended hiring a tutor to reveal the “dark” sides of science. Thus, the problem was solved: the girl eliminated the gaps in all subjects, and now, if she gets a "2" or "3", her mother asks where exactly and what she does not understand. The parents of this girl now look at grades not as the end of the world, but as a result. joint work child, teacher and your own.

Each parent understands the importance of assessment and knowledge of the child in their own way. Here one mother says to another: “Why don’t you demand high scores from your daughter, because she knows more than my son, and her grades are lower? No one will appreciate her modesty in our time.” And he hears in response: “I’m not going to make a hysterical out of my daughter, it’s more important for me what remains in her head. In a situation where the teacher constantly pushes, it is psychologically difficult for her to lay out everything she knows. If you push her a lot, and also scream, she can generally get confused, close in herself and not tell anything. Unfortunately, praise and support
on the part of teachers is still difficult to enlist. Your son may say: “Wait, I haven’t told everything yet” or “Please don’t put “3”, I will bring an essay about the lakes”, but my daughter, because of her temperament, cannot do this.

Think! Did you, adults, studying at school, always get "five"?
And is it really always, when you brought "2", "3", "4", you were severely punished? Or is the reason hidden precisely in this: you didn’t study very well, you have a “weak student” complex from childhood, and you want to transfer all unrealizable dreams to a child?

Love your children! Maybe stop treating them like guinea pigs? Maybe it's time to remember that they are small personalities with their rich inner world? Give children more freedom, do not crush with authoritarianism, communicate with them more, then they will be able to meet you halfway in some way. And don't forget that a lot of good, talented people weren't straight A students. The main thing is to teach and educate in such a way that the child has a “core” of humanity and a desire for good.

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