School "hazing". Psychologist on how to avoid bullying by peers. How to Avoid Peer Pressure as a Christian Teen

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According to statistics, up to 10% of children are regularly bullied and up to 55% occasionally. 70% of schoolchildren saw bullying from the outside, and 60% reported that one of the victims was their acquaintances. Today, this problem is more relevant than ever: in 2017, UNICEF specialists launched a whole campaign against bullying.

We are in website tried to understand this problem and compiled 7 tips for parents designed to help the child cope with bullying from peers and not become an outcast.

1. Teach and learn to trust

According to studies, only 20-30% of schoolchildren who have been bullied report it to an adult. The first reason a child does not share problems at school may be guilt. IN adolescence Children's self-esteem is extremely vulnerable, so they often consider themselves guilty of bullying. The second reason - feeling of worthlessness.

If the parents once brushed off the child's problems, considering them insignificant, then he will have no reason to share them again.

What to do:

• Stop praising your child good news and criticize for the bad ones. Otherwise, only the information that follows will be shared with you. positive reaction.
• Do not take any actions behind the child's back, do not interfere in his affairs without his consent. His most big fear is that with the advent of parents, everything will only get worse.

2. Nurture your child's self-confidence

Angelina Jolie experienced problems with classmates as a child, studied poorly and snapped at teachers. Rapper Eminem was beaten so badly by a school bully at the age of 9 that he ended up in the hospital with a concussion and partial loss vision. Lady Gaga, Jessica Alba, Megan Fox, Kurt Cobain and even handsome Zac Efron - all of them suffered from bullying and misunderstanding by classmates.

However, each of them had favourite buisness to which they could devote free time forgetting about problems. Taylor Swift recalls that she started writing songs out of loneliness, and Kristen Stewart and at the age of 13 she left school to devote herself to filming.

What to do:

• Teach your child to respond appropriately to criticism, fair and unfair. It is important to convey to him that any criticism is not a personal insult, but only someone's opinion about any particular situation.
• Help your child find an activity in which he can express himself. Self-confident children are less likely to become victims of bullying, and success in their favorite business, even if insignificant, will help to more easily cope with the consequences of aggression if it has already happened.

3. Talk about protecting personal information online

Social networks and the Internet today are zone absolute freedom for most teenagers, and status and online communication are no less important for them than real achievements. Internet security specialist from Kaspersky Lab Maria Namestnikova said that cyberbullying remains one of the main threats to children's online safety.

More than 50% of children and adolescents at least once faced Internet threats and only 1 in 10 told their parents about it.

What to do:

• Instead of requiring passwords for your child's accounts, it's better to start social activity on the network yourself. So you can see his behavior on the Internet, circle of friends and area of ​​interest.
• Explain what information can be published on the Internet and what is not. Tell us how to leave a complaint about any insult and humiliating post on the network: to do this, just click the "Complain" or "Report" button next to the objectionable post or comment.

4. Work not only with the child, but also with the team

Bullying cannot be called a conflict between two persons - the instigator and the victim: if the forces of the parties in the conflict are comparable, then in the case of bullying one can observe significant imbalance.

On the side of the instigator, silent participants in bullying, outside observers, and even teachers who, in an attempt to gain authority in the classroom, begin to focus on the characteristics of children, can act. It is important to understand that bullying is not only bullying and humiliation, but also way of communicating and establishing a hierarchy a team.

What to do:

• Forget about such advice as "ignore" and "hit them back." A child may be able to deal with the offender, but he cannot change the situation in a team where insults and bullying are conventional way expressions of emotions.
• Influence the teaching staff and involve other parents in the problem: no one wants their child to be bullied or take part in bullying.

5. Learn to respond to aggression

According to anonymous surveys, more than 5% of high school students missed classes because felt in danger at school or on the way to it. As a result of bullying, the child not only appears absenteeism and academic performance falls. He may begin to linger with friends and leave home for a long time. All these are attempts of the human psyche to avoid the traumatic action of external factors.

The main task of parents is not only to stop cases of bullying, but also to teach the child to respond correctly to aggression and control your own emotions.

What to do:

• Discuss with your child all cases of bullying and teach how to respond to provocations correctly. Tell us why calmness and prudence deprive offenders of the main thing - visible result their bullying.
• Enroll your child in sports section or martial arts school. Not so much for the ability to stand up for yourself, but for the fight against fear open conflict and fear of physical pain.

6. Help your child form common interests with his environment

The victims of bullying are usually shy and insecure children: they are lonely, shy, prone to depression and have a hard time finding mutual language with peers. With age, a person's environment becomes more tolerant, but this is not at all a reason to wait until graduation from school as a solution to the problem.

A 20-year study showed that outgoing children who could organize with peers without the help of adults and to solve their own problems, they are much more likely to graduate and find a job by the age of 25 than those whose social skills are less developed.

What to do:

• Invite your child's classmates to visit more often (especially those to whom he sympathizes). If your child has an unusual hobby, help him tell his peers about it.
• Maintain relationships with parents of other children. Often it is friendship between adults that becomes the reason for communication between children. To do this, it is enough to offer to get together after school in a cafe or go to the movies with families.

7. Change the environment

There is an opinion that transferring a child to another class or school is an unsuccessful measure, because the situation will repeat itself in a new place. It is better to teach the child to behave in the right way conflict situations so that he tempers character and can fight back. As we have already found out, not everything depends on the child. Bullying occurs in groups where there is no common interest, schoolchildren are not involved in educational process, A social or property difference too big between them.

Therefore, when it occurs alternative in the form of a good school whose teachers are willing to contact parents, a change of scenery can be a great way out.

What to do:

• Allow your child to participate in choosing a school. How else to build trust and self-confidence, if everything is decided for him?
• Responsibly approach the choice of a new place of study. It is necessary to communicate with parents and students of the intended class in which your child will study. Do not judge from other people's words, but make your own impression of the situation in the classroom and school.

• Hans Christian Andersen, The Ugly Duckling. The famous fairy tale can be read to children from 3 years old. In the process of reading, it is important to focus not only on the fate of the duckling, which turned into a beautiful swan, but also on the behavior of the ducks that teased him, but in the end remained uneducated and stupid.
• Egon Mathisen, "Cat with blue eyes» . Simple and fascinating story with author's drawings will tell young readers what to do with a cat with blue eyes in the company of yellow-eyed ones who do not want to communicate with him.
• Fanny Britt, Jane, the Fox and Me is a graphic novel about loneliness. Loneliness can be both a consequence and a cause of bullying. When children do not have friends, they should have a book that will perform the function of speaking out experiences.
• Ayja Mairok, "Why me? The history of the white crow». All school years the author was a victim of bullying and at 19 wrote a book about her experience. This is not so much a work of art as a collection of recommendations to help overcome a difficult stretch of the path.
• JK Rowling Harry Potter series. The famous story of "the boy who lived" will not only immerse the reader in fairy world, but also introduces the problems of ordinary teenagers - competition, distrust, resentment, revenge.
• R. J. Palacio, "The Miracle". An important work for the formation of tolerance and the ability to accept “other” children into your circle. The story of a boy with a congenital genetic disease and about how courage, sense of humor, kindness and friendship can create a real miracle.
• William Golding, "Lord of the Flies". This piece is already included in school curriculum many countries. So that history is not perceived as an abstract philosophical parable, it is important, when recommending this book, to focus on how the fictitious norm, the thinking of the crowd and the totalitarian system are formed.

What situations did you have at school? Have you managed to achieve a peaceful solution to the problem and how do you pass on your experience to children? Share in the comments.

Avoiding peer pressure is very difficult. Many Christians, especially teenagers, are under pressure to give up some of their values. Read this article to help you avoid negative peer pressure in your daily life.

Steps

Find out exactly what you believe.

Stand up for what you believe in. When you reassure others, not everyone will listen to you, in fact, sometimes people will even laugh. It's okay, because at least you try and God sees it. Do not let anyone or anything lead you astray from the true path and do not try to doubt your beliefs because of the opinions around you. However, do not impose your religion on others. This will only attract enemies.

Read the Bible every day and pray. Reading Holy Scripture – good way get closer to God because this book gives you wisdom and teaches you "How" to be a Christian. Some people recommend reading the Teenage Bible, which has tips, tricks, and practical interpretations of some of the poems. Others advise reading the regular Bible from cover to cover. Prayer and Bible study bring you closer to the Lord.

Be confident in your faith in Christ. Do and do things through Christ; he will strengthen you.

When you pray or ask the Lord for help, do not try to pray casually. The Bible says that we should "Cry unto the Lord with all our strength." If you want to pray earnestly, kneel down until you are imbued or contemplative in prayer, and consider whether you really want what you are asking for. James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives freely to all and without reproach, and it will be given to him." Insert your name - “If I (name) lack wisdom, let me ask God, who rewards all men generously and does not reproach those who ask [yes, I paraphrased“ without reproaches ”, although you can leave it at will], and I will be rewarded ". In prayer, this is called turning to scripture. Say to God: “You promised this, and I did everything that You told me to get this…”. He repays - God never, ever breaks his promises. He said, "Ask and it will be given to you, knock and it will be opened to you, seek and you will find."

Always keep prayer in your heart. Pray in the depths of your soul to God. It will be hard at first, but when you get your inner prayer in order, it will be a HUGE blessing in your life. You will achieve a MUCH MORE intimate relationship with God and feel his love even more strongly.

Doing what everyone else is doing can be fun, but if you know you can't do it, find the strength to say no. God gave His Only Begotten Son to perish for us! If you do the right thing, God will surely count it, because He knows the true intentions of your heart.

Make friends with other Christians. If you are surrounded by other Christians, it will be easier for you to do what is right. There is strength in numbers. “Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I will be” (Matthew 18:20). Fortunately, most of the Western world are Christians of various denominations.

Do not associate with people who constantly swear, drink alcohol/do drugs, have dirty thoughts, etc. If you constantly hang out with such people, it will be impossible for you to resist the endless temptations of those who sin all the time.

Avoid situations that may cause you to be influenced by peer pressure. For example, if someone asks you to drink/smoke, think about how it harms your body and how God feels about it. Think of your body as the temple of God. Say NO. Ask the Lord to continue to bless you with strength to resist temptations.

1. Have courage! Don't be spineless just to be cool.

   • This article does not guarantee that you will be immune from peer pressure or temptation. You, too, can make mistakes and sin. Therefore God is loving. He forgives our mistakes. But this does not mean that you can sin right and left.
   • Some people may react differently. Do not give in to them, even if they call you a child!
   • This article has a ton of hard norms to stick to, so many of you will feel like you're about to give up, or only do part of it. If you follow all the postulates, you will soon become a good Christian. You will have the opportunity to receive a comprehensive blessing and go to heaven.
   • Beware of those friends who go downhill and like to control. It's better to avoid them altogether.
   • Learn. Find out the myths that people use to pressure believers to bad behavior.
   • If you don't know/trust the person, just leave them. No one can force you to do what you don't like!!
   • Before you befriend someone, learn about their morality.
   • If you feel uncomfortable about something, stay away from it.

No bad behavior Borba Michel

CHAPTER 32 Peer pressure

Peer pressure

My 11 year old daughter was caught with two girls stealing sweets from the teacher's office. It worries me that she is so easily manipulated by others and does everything they do. When she gets older, she will not be seduced by candy, but by sex, alcohol and drugs. How can I help her stick to what she knows is right and not be influenced by her peers?

Ruth, mother of three daughters, Savannah, Georgia

Shoplifting Fraud Drugs and alcohol Promiscuity Violence

BRIEFLY ABOUT THE MAIN

As children grow older, it becomes increasingly difficult to resist the influence of peers.

Kids today face incredible peer pressure. Of course, we always hope that our children will be able to resist such negative influence, however, it is often difficult for them to do this, since such a position is not always popular among them. The truth is that you need to have real moral strength in order not to be influenced. Therefore, our task is to help children develop such inner strength and instill self-confidence in them.

SIX STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING THE ABILITY TO RESPOND TO PEE PRESSURE

Here are six strategies to help you teach your child to resist peer pressure.

1. Defend your opinion by demonstrating confidence with a pose. Teach your child to stand up for their views and not give in by assuming a confident posture: stand up straight with your legs slightly apart, hold your head up high and look directly into the person’s eyes. Explain to the child that the posture he takes, as a rule, carries more information than the words he says.

2. Say "no" firmly. Emphasize that as soon as the child decides not to do what he is offered, he should be friendly, but firmly and adamantly say so and not give up. Remind your child that their job is not to try to convince the other, but to keep themselves out of harm's way and stick to their views.

3. Say goodbye and leave. Emphasize that it is not easy to stand up to a friend. Explain that he may face intimidation, ridicule, or rejection of his opinion, but that is what the courage to stand up to is. Sometimes it's better to just get out of the situation. Agree with your child that every time he feels unsafe in any situation, he should call you and you will pick him up without asking questions.

4. Be able to find good reasons for refusal. The child can explain to peers the reason for the refusal, for example: "I told my father that I would be at home," "I need to do something at home," "I promised a friend to come." Allow your child to refer to you as an excuse, for example: "Mother will not give me life if I do this!"

5. Repeat your decision. Tell your child that sometimes it helps if you repeat several times like a broken record: "No, this is wrong", "No, this is wrong." This gives confidence and helps to maintain their positions.

6. Explain the reasons for the refusal. thinking about possible consequences helps to reinforce the child's belief that getting involved is not worth it. Therefore, invite him to explain the reason for the refusal: "This is against the law", "I will be punished" or "I may get hurt."

DID YOU KNOW?

During the study, which was attended by 991 children aged 9 to 14 years, identified disturbing facts of pressure from a third of secondary school students (36%) were offered to smoke marijuana by their peers, 40% - to have sexual relations, 36% - to commit shoplifting, and four out of six schoolchildren were provoked by their peers to drink (alcoholic beverages.

CHILD PROBLEM BEHAVIOR CHANGE PLAN

Remember your childhood. What kind of peer pressure did you experience as a young child? In adolescence? How did you deal with it? Did you succeed? Would you act differently now? Have you ever made your friends do something they didn't want to do? How did they react?

Now think about modern children. How are they different from you when you were a child? Do you think that in your childhood the pressure on children from peers was stronger, the same or less than now? Why? What kind of pressure do you think your child is under? What type of pressure worries you the most? Remember that peer influence can also be positive, such as healthy competition, positive role models, and inspiring new ideas.

Talk to other parents about the kind of peer pressure that worries them. Do you have the same concerns with them? Do they do anything to help their children resist the pressure?

Now is the time to take action to change your child's behavior. Use the Child's Problem Behavior Step Change Diary to record your thoughts and make a change plan.

1. Children learn best to resist negative pressure by watching you stand up for your own views. Think about the example you are setting for your child. For example, how do you react if a colleague asks you at a family dinner to tell your boss tomorrow that he is sick so that he can go shopping in peace? Or what would you do if a neighbor came to you with a petition already signed by many to prevent married couple African American to buy a house next door? How could you structure your behavior so that the child sees that it is possible to be resilient and remain polite? Write it down.

2. Talk to your child about peer pressure. You can start like this: "Tell me, did a friend ever ask you to do something you don't want to do? How did you refuse? Did it work?" Explain that buddies will often suggest doing things he doesn't want. Emphasize that he should not be afraid to stand up for his beliefs, no matter how difficult it may be. Talk to your child often about moral values so that he has formed stable principles and he knows and shares the beliefs of the family.

3. Identify situations that the child may face now or in the near future. Some examples are: exam cheating, shoplifting, drug use, pornography, alcoholic beverages, sneaking out of the house late at night, smoking, unjustified risk.

4. Review six self-affirmation strategies with your child. Teach them to your child over the next few days.

5. Practice each strategy together with examples of the types of negative pressure your child is already experiencing from peers. Here are some examples of

A friend wants you to go to the store together and steal something. A friend says that if you refuse, he will no longer be friends with you.

The class is writing a test, and your classmate wants you to share your answers with him.

You are at a boring party. A group of guys want to sneak out and have a drink in the park.

Role-play these situations so that the child alternates between being a buddy and being pressured. This way, he will have the opportunity to see how you use this approach and defend your positions.

See also the chapters on Materialism, Theft, Shyness, Deceit and Cheating, Dominance, and Cynicism.

COMMITMENT TO CHANGE A CHILD'S PROBLEM BEHAVIOR

How will you use the six strategies and the stepwise problem behavior change plan to help your child? Write down what you will do in the next 24 hours to begin the process of gradually changing your child's problem behavior.

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RESULTS OF A STAGED CHANGE OF A CHILD'S PROBLEM BEHAVIOR

Correcting behavior is hard, painstaking work that must be carried out consistently and based on the consolidation of results through parental encouragement. Your child's progress towards change can be slow, but be sure to celebrate and reward each step along the way. It will take at least 21 days for the first results to appear, so do not rush to give up. Remember that if one approach doesn't work, another will. Record weekly progress in your child's behavior using the template below. Record progress every day in the Child's Stepwise Change Diary.

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