How to combine family and work. Combine work and family: personal experience

Both family and work are very important components of our lives. But how often do we lack the time, strength and energy to successfully combine them! Stories about active, purposeful businesswomen, happily married and having three children each seem incredible and unrealistic. How do they manage to do everything? What do you need to do to find time for both family and work?

We can't give you 100% advice, but we offer a few ideas that can help you manage your time more rationally and find a balance between the two poles.

Plan time with your family

Of course, it sounds easy and simple, but you will have to try to create the optimal schedule. We suggest starting with a plan for the day. At first, try to post 2-3 items related to work and home. Be sure to follow them! Various apps, schedulers, and reminders can come to your aid. Ordinary paper stickers attached in visible places also work well. The main thing is comfort in use and, of course, efficiency: you should not forget about the really important things.

Combine different spheres of life

Of course, family and work are paramount, but remember about other areas of life: taking care of yourself and your health, creativity, beauty salons and gyms, live communication with friends: gatherings in cafes, walks and hen parties. All this is also very important and in no case should you simply cross these little things out of your schedule. They nourish, charge with positive energy, give strength and improve mood. Combine everything you can! Do you go to the pool or fitness center? Take your child or spouse with you. Haven't seen your friends for a long time? Offer to get together big company with husbands and children. Choose your options. By combining different areas of your life, you win.

Stop trying to be perfect

The truth is, no one needs perfect children, parents or spouses. Everyone needs real, sincere and loved people. They know your strengths and weaknesses very well, so calm down and relax.
Careful preparations for a trip to the country are good. But how often “not to forget anything” turns into hours of running around, making both you and those around you nervous. The same principle of “imperfection” is useful in work: stop trying to do everything better than your colleagues. Be yourself and emphasize not your innocence, but your professionalism and how competently you use your unique skills and strengths.

Create your own family rituals

They can be very simple, but pleasant: breakfasts and dinners together, weekend walks, conversations before bed. Make these small rituals sacrosanct. During the day, you may hardly see your family, but your spouse and children will know for sure that dinner time is their time when you belong only to them. If you can, meet each other from work or school, and go shopping together. All this - a great opportunity learn about the affairs and emotions of loved ones.
Consider these tips and adapt them to suit your needs. Perhaps you will find The best decision Problems. In any case, the desire to find a balance between work and family is already a small step towards a harmonious relationship.

Modern women often want to be “excellent” students both in the profession and in the family. They are ready to work actively, build a career and at the same time devote a lot of time to their children. This leads to “dual work”: women are forced to give their all at work and at home.

Social attitudes are strong

Society is extremely demanding of women. On the one hand, the “onslaught” is led by employers. They require full dedication to the profession. And this “rhymes” with the cult of career and ambition established in society.

On the other hand, women are actively “educated” by childhood experts (psychologists, pediatricians, teachers, media, etc.). They complicate and detail the standards of “proper” parenting. With their input, motherhood actually turns into a profession, which has its own set of competencies and involves training.

At the same time, women themselves are quite demanding of themselves and of life. They want to succeed in a variety of areas: at work, in the family, to have a hobby. “You have to pursue a career, have time to give birth, and immediately go to work,” notes the respondent. Many are trying to “reconcile” different areas, to find some kind of balance.

In most cases, women with children combine family and work. About 70% believe that they are doing this successfully, that is, they have achieved a certain balance. The share of mothers who prefer the role of housewives exclusively does not exceed 20%. The share of “career women” with children does not even reach 10% (see Savinskaya O.B. Balance of work and family: strategies for combining professional and family responsibilities by working mothers in Moscow).

Undoubtedly, many women still “check” their lives against the social norm, the usual vision female destiny. In this traditional picture of the world, a woman's destiny is to be a mother. Interview participants reproduce this performance. “For a woman, motherhood is the main thing,” the respondent emphasizes. "I want to full family“, echoes another. The whole question is how exactly they see motherhood.

Parenting as a second profession

Motherhood seems to be undergoing an “upgrade” - being improved and intensified. Moreover, this is influenced not only by the “industry” of childhood, but also by women themselves. They try to become more competent mothers (see,).

“Intensive motherhood” is the new standard for raising a child. Such parental perfectionism requires a large expenditure of effort and time on all areas of the child’s life: from health to education. However, combining “intensive motherhood” with active work is not easy. This is reminiscent of “dual employment.”

Observing this practice from the outside, young women decide to postpone childbearing. This is due to “fears of the excessive complexity and energy intensity of both motherhood and truly intense work,” the researchers explain. At the same time, the choice in favor of one thing (either family or career) goes against traditional ideas about a harmonious life.

"Family" employees face discrimination

Women employed in the civil service have invested a lot of effort in education and intend to pursue a career. Childbearing is partly perceived by them as a “competitor” to professional growth.

“I don’t want to give up this kind of work... because the work is very interesting,” says one respondent. Another notes: “For me, the position is completely unacceptable when it’s like this: woman, go give birth, stay at home, cook borscht...”. Few of those surveyed are willing to sacrifice work for parenthood. The priority is the profession. “To be honest, I don’t know how it will be possible to combine motherhood with my work,” says the department employee. “Since I have an irregular schedule, everything comes down to this.”

“Second-class” workers—this is how informants sometimes regard their colleagues with children. This coincides with the logic of management, according to which childless employees are more profitable (see). Such discrimination against women-mothers is explained by the fact that they, as a rule, cannot work overtime. They often take sick leave (due to their children’s illnesses) and try to go home on time. Another complaint against mothers - possible partial loss qualifications during maternity leave.

Professional growth for mothers, according to respondents, is limited. They become “outsiders” in the team because they do not stay up late discussing work issues. “They won’t promote you, they won’t give you good projects,” explains one of the respondents.

Workers with children work more efficiently

At the same time, the interview participants admit that motherhood also brings certain bonuses in the profession:

• “Family” women are more disciplined, organized and often manage to complete work faster than childless employees. “Women who have children are great to work with,” notes one respondent.
• Employees who are mothers often “hold on to their jobs more strongly” than employees without children, interview participants say. It's clear. First, “family” workers “need to provide for children.” Secondly, it is more difficult for them to find another job than for childless people.

When children grow up, career opportunities for working mothers are open, according to those surveyed. “I know many people who came back from maternity leave, and their positions then grew significantly,” notes the respondent.

Children will be entrusted to grandmothers

The interview participants themselves are not ready to sit with the kids for a long time. From six months to a year - that’s all the “maternity leave” is. This is partly due to fears of disqualification. “Staying at home for a long time is detrimental to work,” the respondent believes. “You are unaccustomed to the issues that you were dealing with...” It is planned to entrust the children to grandmothers or nannies, then send them to kindergarten. At the same time, some of the respondents expect to work part-time or have a flexible schedule in order to be with their baby more often.

About a third of women intend to “sit” with their child longer and “immerse” deeper into motherhood. “If you are already going on maternity leave, then go and take care of your child for a year and a half,” says the department employee. “I believe that with the birth of a child, you give yourself to him and are with him... so that he still feels that he has a mother.”

Women “vote” for family, but are in no hurry to give birth

Sometimes respondents talked about possible refusal from career growth in favor of family and motherhood (see also). “When a woman has a choice: to go to a leadership position or start a family, the majority, I am sure, choose a family, because it is personal happiness,” the respondent emphasizes.

In the civil service, in principle, it is “comfortable” to go on maternity leave, other respondents noted. All guarantees are observed: “They can’t fire you... you can sit quietly for three years on maternity leave, then get out, they must hire you...”.

However, women are in no hurry to give birth. In addition to career plans and work schedules, this is justified by:

• the need to first achieve prosperity and provide children with a “safety cushion” - “so that they have everything”;
• the desire to consciously come to childbearing (“so that I understand that... I want children, that I am psychologically ready for this...”);
• uncertainty of relationships with men;
• context - the situation in the country, etc.

Here is a revealing statement about reproductive plans. “I think that within five years [I will decide to have a child]...,” says the respondent. - Very complex issue...many factors. It depends on my husband’s business, on what prospects I have at work, on what the political situation is in the country.”

“Divorce” career and family in time

Most respondents are postponing motherhood until the time when work is no longer so important to them and they already have career achievements to their credit. “However, those who have already achieved a certain level of career advancement are beginning to feel that it would be better to give birth to children earlier, since it is becoming increasingly difficult to “find” time for maternity leave,” says Olga Isupova.

The balance between family and work will “not be simultaneous, but facilitated by the multi-temporality of its components", the researchers write. “But it is very difficult to choose a point on the path of life that will be most suitable for childbearing,” Olga Isupova clarifies.

*This choice is explained by the fact that in this case the tension between family and work is especially clear. On the one hand, women with certain career ambitions are employed in the civil service. On the other hand, they adhere traditional values: family-oriented and motherhood-oriented.

Interests: OLGA KUZNETSOVA Has two higher educations: she graduated from the Moscow Institute of National Economy. G.V. Plekhanov (economist) and Moscow Institute of State and Law (lawyer). Improved qualifications in Russian Academy national economy and civil service under the President of the Russian Federation. Prof., corresponding member of the International Academy of Management. Co-chairman of the strategic council of the Union of Women's Forces, Chairman of the MRO committee of the All-Russian public organization Business Russia, Chairman of the board of the regional Khimki branch of the All-Russian public organization "Business Women of Russia", manager of socially significant projects, radio presenter, co-author of the federal project "Business in Heels. Strategy for Women's Success", member of the Russian Millionaires Club, President of the Public Organization for Business Cooperation of Women “Moskovityanka”, member of the Public Expert Council of the Department of Trade and Services of Moscow. Under the leadership of Olga Kuznetsova, the enterprise became the winner of the Moscow competition “Best Enterprise for Working Mothers.” Since 2007, Olga Kuznetsova has been successfully leading socially significant regional and federal projects. In 2013-14, the project was supported by the President of the Russian Federation V.V. Putin. At the end of the year, this project entered the top thirty in Russia. Since 2008, Olga Kuznetsova has also become a public figure. One of the well-known programs is “Moscow Women’s Councils – tactics of small matters.” As part of the project, women's councils helped refugees from Ukraine, did charity work, worked with low-income families and veterans of the Great Patriotic War, protected women and children affected by domestic violence, implemented environmental projects. In 2015, three programs were nominated for the “Our Moscow Region” competition and the Moscow Region Governor’s Award. One of them won. In 2015, Olga Kuznetsova became the winner of the “Success” competition in the “ Businesswoman Russia" first on regional level, and then - at the All-Russian. Since 2015, she began teaching her own master classes. Olga Kuznetsova organized the “Women’s Patrol” movement in the city district of Khimki, whose task was to prevent crime in playgrounds and courtyards in the Moscow region. She has Public and Government awards: Knight of the Orders: - “For Valiant Labor”, - “Patrons of the Century”, - “National Treasure”, - Medal “In Memory of the 850th Anniversary of Moscow”, - Certificates of the Moscow City Duma, the Public Relations Committee of the city Moscow, the Moscow Government, the Department of Trade and Services of Moscow, - Gratitude from the Prefect of the Northern Administrative District of Moscow and a deputy of the Moscow City Duma. She is the Winner of the All-Russian and Moscow competitions “Woman Director of the Year”. She has repeatedly won the All-Russian and Moscow “Manager of the Year” competitions.

To this question modern women They will confidently answer – maybe! What kind of effort this requires is known, of course, only by the woman herself, whose children must be clothed, shod, fed, and whose business must flourish. Why is this not a feat in our modern life?

Men, to some extent, look at the success of women in different fields with a degree of irony. A woman is able to recreate a piece of paradise where everything is harmonious and comfortable. But for a businesswoman, everything properly fulfills its functions and purpose.

Hell of an effort

And what does it represent reverse side this seemingly, at first glance, idyll? According to statistics, a woman who combines career and family “plows” for two, that is, the employment of a working woman is 50% higher than how busy a man is. A woman takes work home, and if we add household chores to them, it turns out that a businesswoman’s day ends long after midnight.

Based on this, it can be argued that women’s ambitions are much more difficult to realize than men’s ambitions. This is where gender inequality finds its expression. And here the question arises: where should you start climbing the ladder of life - with family or with career?

Working approach

You can find pros and cons of each path. If you listen to the advice of doctors, then it is better not to delay the birth of a child, and the presence of children when applying for a job also gives the employer hope that the woman will not go on maternity leave in the near future. On the other hand, those who have a career in the first place say that first you need to create a good foundation on which you can raise children without experiencing problems from a financial point of view, that is, stand firmly on your feet. Of course, when choosing one path or another, a woman has to sacrifice something. It is a stereotypical situation when careerist mothers are haunted by a feeling of guilt. Some didn’t hear their child’s first word, some didn’t see their first steps, and so on. Although, according to subordinates, the children of their bosses distract them from job responsibilities. And if the management is represented by a woman-mother, then discontent grows doubly. Many modern companies tend to help such employees, for example, there are medical insurances for all family members, vacations include so-called “children’s” days, and trips to children’s vacation spots can be paid for. Some companies may even allow you to bring your child to the office so you don't have to sit at home with him, or leave early to attend a meeting at school or work. kindergarten. The main thing is that the work is completed efficiently and on time. So that the situation in women's hands If it doesn't get out of control, you should pay attention to the following advice from, so to speak, experienced business mothers.

Advice No. 1. Still, most women believe that children need to be “made” before a career. Then you will have more time to do work, because the age of 35-40 is the peak of your career.

Tip No. 2. If you still choose to start a career, then pursue it without wasting time on trifles.

Tip #3: When the baby is born, you will need an assistant or nanny. And if you want to spend more time with your baby, then it’s better to hire a secretary.

Tip No. 4. If you plan to have several children, then let your maternity leave will take longer. After all, for several children it takes more time.

How to build your life?

A woman who achieves success both in the family and professional fields must, of course, be organized. Without this useful quality, she may find herself under a powerful avalanche of everyday and work problems. Undoubtedly academic year will bring his own “laws” into her routine: this is control educational activities child, plus all sorts of clubs, sections and other interests of children. Creating comfort in the home, which manifests itself in cleaning and cooking, also takes up a large percentage of a businesswoman’s time. And work with all the ensuing circumstances. The main point here will be prioritization; naturally, family should be in the foreground, but it is important to ensure that it does not permeate work. Clear boundaries: where is family and where is career. And in no case should one interfere with the other, because this can lead to a choice, and the choice, of course, is family. Although situations and people are also different. Experts believe that in order to avoid fuss and unnecessary hassle in the morning, everything needs to be prepared in the evening. If a holiday is planned, then prepare in advance so that later you can simply enjoy it and not be nervous. There is a very simple method - move all clocks forward 7 minutes so that you can do everything on time and leave on time. It is a known fact that the more a woman needs to do, the more organized she is, since she does not allow herself to relax and focuses on business.

For such a woman, it may seem that playing sports is something out of the realm of the impossible. But here, too, you can find a way out: for example, instead of taking an hour to get ready for work, spending all your people where they need to go in the morning, wouldn’t it be better to go out with them and spend that hour in the pool? This great way prepare for a new hard day and a wonderful reason to be proud of yourself. In the same way, you can clearly plan your weekend: spend time with your children, help them with their homework, go ice skating, cook something delicious, and much more. And always accept help from your loved ones.

By accepting this path in life - the role of a business mother - you have already made a choice, and in the future you will not need to resort to this, the decision has already been made. Family can be harmoniously combined with work and help you in your achievements. For example, children can participate in various advertising campaigns, although they still need to grow up to do this. The main thing is to realize what you really want from life and what you are striving for, to understand your life rhythm.

Have you ever felt guilty about loving your job too much and devoting too much time to it? If yes, I have a question for you. How do you know that you should feel this guilt?

Just don't say that you Always, you feel it every minute. Because if this were so, you would never work: firstly, it would be unbearably painful, and secondly, it would not bring you personally any dividends at all. And even money wouldn’t save us.

A feeling of guilt comes to you from time to time - when you see, coming home from work, the offended eyes of children or a mountain of unwashed dishes. When you can’t get out to see your child for a holiday. When your husband (or his mother) says that it’s difficult to find you at home and that you could pay more attention to your family.

At such moments, you remember the soups you undercooked, and the sick leaves you didn’t take, crumpled up due to fatigue. important conversations, broken promises, vacations spent with a phone in hand (because they there at work without you it’s like without hands). You may even remember being a child and sitting up late at night in tears. washing machine in the hallway and waited for mom to come home from work.

It may even be that completely different memories come to you - when you had to quickly leave an important meeting because of a call from school, or missed foreign conferences because your husband would not approve of your week-long absence. And the reproachful looks of your boss when you took some of the work home, but got caught up in family troubles and didn’t manage to finish anything on time.

One of the solutions that women often find in similar situation, is trying to do everything at once.

But trying to keep one eye on the children and the other on the computer quickly becomes tiresome. And often you find yourself ineffective in both roles. The soup is too salty, the report is full of typos, and my nerves are on edge. As a result, we get an overworked employee and a nervous housewife in one bottle.

On two fronts

But you love both your family and your work.

But in the end, for some reason, it turns out that the joy of self-realization poisons your home environment, and the joy of marriage and motherhood turns out to be an obstacle in one’s career.

And this, of course, is completely wrong. Because both are very important aspects of your life. And I really want to feel not guilt, but pleasure in both.

Here I would like to immediately separate the two completely different types relationship to work: a person can be in love with his job, which is called “by vocation,” or he can go there as compensation and a consolation prize. Both of them can easily become workaholics, that is, spend much more time on work than their loved ones would like, but the motive here is completely different. Those people for whom work is solely a way to earn money can easily change their profession if there is not enough money. But professionals who are passionate about their work are not. This is the difference, it seems to me.

Actually, the idea to write on this topic, and to write in this way, was born thanks to a question that I was recently asked online. How, they say, can this be when psychologists conduct trainings and teach others how to build happy personal relationships, and in their own personal life Sometimes everything turns out so difficult that God forbid anyone?

Well, with psychologists everything is more or less clear. In general, people initially go into this profession for whom everything in life is not easy. This is called “woe from mind” among the classics.

In itself, a passion for philosophy, literature, psychology is a sign that a person is looking for some answers for himself. Which means he has questions.

I decided to reflect on the topic of “a shoemaker without boots” not only in relation to psychologists, but also about other professionals too.

Take doctors, teachers, scientists, artists, etc. “Service” professions are usually chosen by people with certain character traits. There is selflessness, and compassion, and the ability and desire to sacrifice oneself for the sake of saving others, and the nobility of high motives. But the main thing is that such people are usually very dedicated to their work.

My husband has a theory (I can’t say that I completely share it, but there is some truth in it). He says that people devoted to their profession, that is, the lucky 20% who are lucky enough to go to work with pleasure, in principle cannot be good family men, “devoted” spouses, parents, and children. Because they belong to their work. This is their main passion, and everything else is secondary.

As a person who is lucky enough to count himself among these 20% of people who are in love with their business, I would not judge so categorically. But there are really many such examples.

Selfless professionals are sometimes ready to neglect the interests of the family because it is necessary for the business.

Often they are so tired at work that they no longer have any strength, time, or energy left for their family. What is called “they will take off their last shirt,” but they will get the job done. Doctors can receive calls in the middle of the night from any stranger who urgently needs authoritative advice. A teacher might sit in school overtime for hours with struggling students, or even bring someone his favorite toy as a gift. own child to please the neglected student. In my client practice, I have had to listen to offended children who grew up in such conditions more than once. Alas.

But even if you do not work in the field of “service”, but it just somehow happened that without your authoritative recommendations or competent decisions, the whole process comes to a standstill at work and, therefore, you have to keep your finger on the pulse and your phone day and night under the pillow, then it’s a matter of unbuilt boundaries. And the inability to delegate responsibility.

This inability, by the way, can also have different underlying motives.

Admit it to yourself honestly - after all, such demand and irreplaceability not only tires you, but also flatters you. Sometimes you are really the only specialist in the company who can solve a particular issue. But it is possible that you yourself created this situation.

You grumble, swear, make excuses to your family, scold your subordinates, but at the same time, you can easily feel like a fairy godmother or a knight in shining armor who will never exchange this demand for anything. And he will even oust from the company anyone who becomes equally competent - and thereby encroach on his indispensability.

What can you do to stop feeling guilty and overwhelmed?

1. First, set your own priorities. And now I’m not talking about ultimatum measures “either family or work.” I mean that your time should be distributed quite clearly: how much and when you are at work (and only real force majeure can disturb you), and when exactly you will put everything aside and spend time with your children and family. They should be guaranteed to have such time - absolutely, under any circumstances!

2. Secondly, you need to understand that any complaints about the fact that “you spend too little time with me” usually concern, in fact, not the quantity, but the quality of this pastime. Eat a big difference between “being close” and “being together.” Therefore, learn to be in one role and only in it at every moment. When you're on a family picnic or children's party Don’t answer work calls or look at gadgets. Be where you are now. And if this is how you spend time with your children and husband, then the deficit of your presence will be satisfied much faster. Of course, it is desirable that each member of the household, including the cat, has his own exclusive piece of your attention every day. But also general family dinners when you can all be together, joke or discuss something relevant is also very important.

3. And thirdly, finally stop reacting to provocations and obediently sprinkle ashes on your head every time someone wants to tell you that you are not enough good mother or, conversely, not a very hard worker. As you know, people quickly get used to good things. And if earlier you devoted too much of your time and attention to your employees (students, clients, etc.), you could not refuse those who wanted your advice, help or consultation, these people began to perceive this behavior of yours as the norm. And, of course, it is possible that now they will have grievances and complaints against you. Make it clear to them that on weekends, evenings, or vacations, you belong to your family, and you think that's completely fair. Find someone in the office who can do some of your overtime duties for you.

4. Stop noticing only your shortcomings and shortcomings (I already wrote about this here). Pay attention to what you are doing and don’t forget to praise yourself for it. Enjoy your work - competence, creative ideas, successes and rewards of all stripes. But when you come home, enjoy your family. No one knows how to make your signature cake better than you, no one can console you so quickly crying baby, no one will find best words support and gratitude for my husband.

Don't poison your life with guilt - look at the joy of self-realization. In all areas of your life.