The best joke in kvn. Jokes and funny stories from KVN TV broadcasting company SVOY KRUG
ALL, ALL, ALLTeacher! To live without nerves
Looking at children's pranks
With longing you may not be
But with humor you must be.
(E. Zapyatkin)
Watch in all schools of the country: superblockbuster "Sit down"! And the continuation of "Sit down - 2"!
Judging by the emerging trend in the field of education, soon after graduation from the university they will issue a piece of paper with the inscription "Deplom".
Scandal in the Moscow school: the money allocated for repairs was really spent on repairs.
Why, in order to educate the first child, it is necessary to have a second?
The teacher, who every day collected from the students for the repair of the school, repented and went to the monastery. Now he collects for the repair of the temple.
We often call a teacher who has folded his wings an established teacher.
The teacher is asked:
What are three reasons why you love your job?
- June July August...
I went to a school for mentally retarded teachers.
Our director's only drawback is the lack of any merit.
There are no evil teachers - there are few flowers and sweets!
School - this is the place where children receive knowledge, and parents - a hole in the family budget.
School prepares us for life in a world that does not exist.
A school is a place where teachers demand from the student knowledge in all subjects, while they themselves know only one.
According to statistics, 50% of schoolchildren dream of burning down the school, 30% - blowing up and 20% - first burning, and only then blowing up.
Sentence: 11 years of school regime with confiscation of toys.
The academic year, like pregnancy - lasts 9 months, and starts to feel sick from the 2nd week ...
On September 1, schoolchildren give a bouquet of roses to a teacher of literature and a "Bouquet of Moldova" to a labor teacher.
Minister of Education's advice to teachers:
- Do you want to double your salary? Put your money in front of a mirror!
The Minister of Education regularly collects money from employees of the Ministry for curtains and security.
And the sponsor of our school is enthusiasm.
The statement of the teacher to the principal of the school: "Please send me to the courses of salary increase."
Before the crisis, it was fashionable to have a cell phone. And now it is fashionable to have a working phone.
A delegation of teachers in the director's office.
- Vladimir Petrovich! We have two questions for you.
- Which?
- First: can we increase the salary? And the second: why not?
In the office principal teacher who came to get a job.
- Do you have references from your previous job?
- Yes, there I was recommended to look for another school.
It is better to tell the truth in the eyes of the director on the phone.
The director (head teacher) does not sleep - he is resting, the director does not lie - he is a diplomat.
A thrashing in the director's office.
- Pyotr Petrovich! If you don’t know how to do anything, at least draw conclusions.
Teachers' council in the director's office.
- When everyone comes to a consensus, it will be possible to start a discussion.
You can’t bribe the director’s sincerity - he takes gifts.
If it weren't for Dobry juice, our director would have killed all the students.
The ball was still flying through the director's window, and the children were already playing hide and seek...
In the director's office.
- Maria Ivanovna, tomorrow a new exceptional student will come to your 9 "G".
- Is it exceptional?
- Yes, it's already out three schools excluded.
After checking, our director came out dry and quickly went uphill.
Why did the director buy blue plates for the school?
A blue plate with red borscht with white sour cream in it - this is our Russian tricolor!
In the director's office.
Petr Ivanovich! We got rats at school!
- No wonder. I initially did not believe in their relationship.
Education: complete fool.
A Tambov schoolboy found a million and handed over the find to the police. The sobbing mother claimed to be very proud of her son.
Crime News: In school library found dead... silence.
Idle woman - organizer children's leisure, head teacher for educational work.
Picky people are very picky teachers.
So that children grasp everything on the fly - teach them on the plane.
Young teachers do not know how to work. But the experienced know how not to work ...
Where do most teachers keep their money? In dreams...
Folk wisdom: "He who gets up early has not yet been reduced..."
Folk wisdom: "Prepare the sleigh in the summer, and the exam in the winter."
15% of excellent students who entered the Moscow State University according to the results of the Unified State Examination Lomonosov, could not decipher the name of the university.
EG pamaglo mine to enter the prestigious Maskovsky university.
Zavalinka is unsuccessful exams.
“You know, just thinking about him makes my heart pound, my hands shake, my legs give way, I can’t even speak.
- And what is his name?
- USE!
The best way to create a panic at school is to ask everyone to remain calm.
Do you have higher education? Or even two? Do It homework with a 4th grade student according to modern textbooks - feel like an idiot!
The personal opinion of the student is the position of the teacher spoken by him.
If your class teacher is constantly offended by you, then her birthday falls in the summer.
Abramovich's son's teacher died of envy after reading the child's essay on the topic: "How I spent the summer."
At school, on the line on September 1, by tanning, you can determine who will go to college by any means.
The daughter of the President enters the university. Competition - 20 universities per place.
The son of the rector of Moscow State University entered this university without passing exams. Anyone in his place would have done the same.
Guys! I warn you in advance: only those applicants whose family budget exceeds $100,000.
The tenth grade is not happy: you have every week new phone because the old ones are being taken away from you?! Be patient for a year, it will be even worse in the army.
At the school named after Putin, the head teacher is the head teacher, not the director.
A Tambov school teacher was detained while trying to receive a bribe with a marked bag of potatoes.
The most unexpected phrase in the school cafeteria "Do you have cash or a card?".
If the student crossed himself before going to the blackboard, then he did not learn the lesson.
It's time for exams. The youth stretched out in the church ...
Librarian Petrova, having downloaded a book from the Internet, carefully, a week later, returns it back to the site...
Determined that school desks, which have served for more than 5 years, are not inferior to the walls of Vkontakte in terms of information content.
In the elite school No. 364, a hookah bar was organized in the toilet.
Instead of Moscow schoolchildren, peers from Tajikistan and Moldova go to labor lessons.
The son of a Trudovik and a music teacher graduated from school with two A's.
Everyone sit down and not rock the boat, but come on, let's get my mobiles here.
- It's that robbery
- This is the exam! Recording assignment...
In order for her son to pass all the exams, my mother handed over all the jewelry to a pawnshop.
There is no sadder story in the world than the story of the teachers at the graduation party.
If not for strict teachers, then who would have taught young men to hide alcohol so well.
Order in the school is usually provided by three heroes: Fizruk, Voenruk and Trudovik.
In the director's office.
Do you know what your ohlamon did? He coded the Trudovik. Trudovik came to his senses! Looked around and went to normal work!
Do you know what your okhlamon still did? I took the chemist's passport, ripped out her photo, pasted in a photo of some boy. The chemist was taken into the army!
At the lesson of labor.
You, Petrov, have golden hands! They just grow out of the wrong place!
In Ulyanovsk, a new school drug-horizontal bar has appeared, usually a physical education teacher sits on the horizontal bar.
In Voronezh school No. 13, after the sixth glass, the labor teacher automatically becomes a singing teacher.
A huge problem is that we always have to pay for everything. Soon, even in schools, only physical education, life safety and labor will remain free. Well, yes, you must admit it would be strange to pay for what you skip.
The student surpassed his teacher: the ninth grader Petrov came to work not only drunk, but also with women.
"Bread is the head of everything!" - likes to repeat the head of the school cafeteria, throwing a backpack with meat on his back.
Servelat "Kalacheevsky"! Chocolate "Babaevsky"!! Cognac "Moscow"!!!
- Did your parents congratulate the teacher on the holiday?
Especially for those who like to skip school: We invite you to temperature increase courses!
If earlier “shift” meant an additional set of shoes, now it is a new socket for the iPhone.
Few people know that glamorous schoolchildren write in diamond-shaped notebooks.
And we at our school declared war on tardiness and absenteeism!
So how is it?
Lost...
Yesterday at the bus stop I saw a girl of truly transitional age. She held a cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other.
Forty percent of schoolchildren after "graduation" enter the sobering-up station without exams.
The conscience of the hooligan Petrov does not answer or is temporarily unavailable ...
It is the teachers who are to blame for the fact that the children lie - they ask too many questions.
Our teacher never scolds us! Never, never scolds. She hits right away.
Education from good man makes a good student, and from an excellent one an excellent student.
What is the difference a good student from bad?
- The bad ones are beaten by the parents, and the good ones are beaten by the students.
At the lesson.
- Petrov is a big fan of sleeping in class.
- Offend, Mary Ivanna, I am a professional.
The music teacher, when the students sing badly, strikes their lips with a red pen.
After a series of films about Harry Potter, schools began to be more careful to offend little rickety bespectacled people.
In the schools of Mytishchi, if the frost is more than 20 degrees outside, children are officially allowed to smoke at school.
Thirteen-year-old Vasya Shibkoumnov graduated from school as an external student, having passed exams and money for school repairs for the 9th, 10th and 11th grades.
As soon as canceled school uniform, everyone immediately understood who lives how.
Moscow teachers have established:
There are more and more difficult boys in schools, but girls are getting easier and easier ...
Why are there only women in our school?
And because all the best is for children!
Who goes to school in the morning, he enters ... universities!
Those who get up early are told: “Sit down, the lesson is not over yet!”
In the elite schools of Moscow, rods were reintroduced. Now the children of the oligarchs can flog a guilty teacher at any time.
News of education. Happy New Year in elite Russian schools there are glossy cool magazines.
A congress of teachers took place in Moscow. It is allowed to transfer students from class to class with deuces. And so we translate, from the seventh grade to the eighth, from the eighth to the ninth, and from the ninth to the worker!
And I loved to play pranks on teachers at school, put buttons on their chairs ...
- Gentlemen, I put a bouquet of roses on my teacher's chair ... It hurts and it is pleasant for her ...
Do you remember how we closed the chemistry teacher in the laboratory and disrupted the lesson?
Yes Yes!
Yesterday my son came from school, he says, she has already begun to knock more quietly. Apparently, the years are not the same.
The 1970 graduates come to the homecoming evening with only one purpose: to see if the chemist has died.
I only remember from school how my mother brought me to the 1st grade, and in the 11th grade my dad took me away from graduation!
We believe that someone will make it so that teachers and doctors are paid not only by students and patients.
We will make a facsimile with the signature of the parents in 1 hour. Confidentially! Excellent students and good students - discounts.
Nina Vasilievna, can I ask you for chalk?
- For what?
- Circle the fizruk.
Opening at the MHC lesson.
It turns out that Kazimir Malevich painted a TV turned off.
- Whom are you, Mashenka, going to study after school?
- On the architect-oculist!
- And what does he do?
- Builds eyes.
Petrov, why were you late for the lesson?
- Late out of the house.
- Couldn't you have left earlier?
- It was too late to leave earlier ...
Head teacher of the class.
- Guys, you won't have music lessons anymore!
- Why?
Your teacher is on maternity leave.
- Finished it!
best number school concert- a gypsy with a way out ... of the crisis.
The State Duma banned the sale of cigarettes closer than 100 meters from schools. Fizruk rejoice. Never before have schoolchildren run a hundred meters with such a desire.
Now schools will make transparent material. To prevent children from smoking outside the school.
A little girl with a planer wormed her way into the crowd of graduates.
Traditionally, Russian school martial arts is a fight against laziness.
In villages where there are no schools, high school students run to smoke in the neighboring area.
Teacher:
Half cannot be more or less. Unfortunately, most of the class does not understand this.
Children, we write in the diary: "Tomorrow, the parent meeting, which will be held at 19.00 in the Bolero nightclub ...
Petrov, tell me your father's phone number!
- I won't say...
- A bet, I guess with three strokes.
We have a sign at school that if you lean out the window the night before the exam and ... learn all the tickets, then you will definitely pass.
Scary tale for graduates: "Baba USE".
What does the phrase "Sisyphean labor" mean?
It means useless work. For example, you learned a lesson, but you were not asked!
At the OB lesson.
- When crossing the road, look at the cars, not at the traffic lights. Traffic lights haven't hit anyone yet.
Semyonova whimpers during the exam:
- Mary Ivanna! I don't deserve a two!
- I know, but, unfortunately, we do not have lower ratings!
Why is the worker swearing?
- I picked up from the children!
The teacher of physical education cannot possibly beat the teacher of labor at chess: the Trudovik has carved out two spare queens for himself.
Dismantling Trudovik with schoolchildren.
Who broke the plywood?.. I ask again, who broke the plywood?
- Maybe glass?
- Glass was broken yesterday, I inserted plywood - who broke the plywood?
Labor makes a man out of a monkey, but “teacher's day” makes a monkey out of a Trudovik.
Yesterday, the guys from 6 "B" launched a kite ... into the director's office.
And the sponsor of our school is a new children's search engine Vugl. Want to know a lot - Woogl!
Guys, remember: everything you say on the exam can be used against you!
The student does not know the subject in two cases: either he has not yet passed, or he has already passed.
Teacher:
- I hope, Ivanov, you seriously prepared for the exam?
Ivanov:
- Of course, Eduard Ivanovich. Imagine, I studied day and night.
Teacher:
- Day and night. This is what I represent. I can’t imagine anything else: what can you learn in one day?
Schoolgirl after the exam to the teacher:
Well, I finally passed!
- No, I gave up!
Chinese graduates, going out to the embankment to meet the dawn, turned the mainland.
Olenka was carrying a bell, and four were carrying her.
After the school disco, the children dispersed. So much so that they managed to expose only with the help of the police.
Here the schoolchildren of the polar region were not lucky.
- Why?
- They sometimes have to wait half a year for the dawn after graduation.
Folk omen. If at graduation a girl met the dawn without a jacket draped over her shoulders, then she is ugly.
Leningrad. high school No. 3. 40 years ago.
- Sasha, what do you want to be when you grow up?
- I want to become the President of Russia!
- And you, Petya?
- And I am the President of Russia!
- And you, Volodya?
- And I want to become a truck driver!
- Russia is a country of unfulfilled children's hopes!
On the street, a nice woman approaches a man:
“I think you are the father of one of my children…
Horror Man:
- I?!
- Calm down, - the woman answers, - I'm a teacher.
- Sidorov, wipe the board!
- Maria Ivanovna! She wrote it herself, wipe it herself. Not a lady. We don't have any servants!
Lazy student answer:
We will do it, but not sooner than later.
One very fat girl was transferred to another class, and the school leaned in the other direction.
I bought a plastic bucket. Masha washed the curtains. Ivanov brought two flowers from home. And how did you get away from summer work at school?
Who brought the money to repair the school, five, the rest - get ready to answer!
The theme of today's parent-teacher meeting is "The Beggarly Salary of Public Education Workers."
In South Butovo parent meeting mothers never take off their hats because the teachers steal.
Mary Ivanna, is it possible to punish a person for what he did not do?
- You can't, Vovochka.
- Mary Ivanna, I didn't do my homework!
A new generation of schoolchildren chooses textbooks with covers. We are for safe learning.
The lesson of the alphabet in the first grade ended with an apple.
Vovochka, why are you looking at your watch every minute?
- So, Mary Ivanna, I'm afraid that the call will interrupt this amazingly interesting lesson right now!
The teacher of labor proved that a screw hammered with a hammer holds much stronger than a nail screwed with a screwdriver.
Labor teacher statement:
- In the next two lessons, we will deal with the export of garbage from the school yard.
Fifth-grader Ivanov killed the teacher... with his stupidity.
Mom is not as scary as first graders draw her.
Pedagogical innovation - the method of whip and gag.
state of emergency in kindergarten No. 5: the teacher occupied all the pots with flowers.
Memo to the teacher lower grades: “If two Konstantins are sitting at a desk, immediately seat them, because at a young age the Bones quickly grow together.
During a medical examination at school, the doctor asks Vovochka:
- Do you have any complaints about your nose or ears?
-Eat! They interfere with me when I put on a sweater.
Children, let's show how we learned all the months of the year. Well! Jan...
Vari!
Feb…
Ral!
Now come on!
Art, rel, ah, june, july, dense, november, november, november, amber!
To be on top in all subjects, you need ... to study on the top floor of the school.
A very educated schoolboy, having fallen into the sewer, closed the hatch behind him.
A very frail boy stepped on his gum and was late for school.
Arshavin's son asked for 25 million euros for the transition to the second grade.
In the family of a Trudovik and a teacher of literature, a child reads a new poem every time on a new stool.
Lyusya Petrovna, can I leave the lessons early?
- No.
- Why?
- Have you seen your diary?
- No.
- I haven't seen it in a month.
- And you wipe your glasses.
- Do not be rude.
- You don't yell.
- Ahhh.
- Ahhh.
- Go away.
- I told you to let go.
School number 13 canceled music lessons. The fact is that when the students begin to play the pipe, the teachers line up in columns and go to the sea to drown themselves.
In general, I take 300 rubles for a lesson, but since we are neighbors, you can bring 500 rubles. I know you have money, you recently made repairs.
Yesterday at the lesson of labor 8 "G" turned into people.
MTS, Megafon, Beeline. Teacher's fee. Dial 122333 in the lesson, on your mobile and get ... with a pointer on the head! Teacher fee...
So, it's already five thirty in the morning, the children go to school. Lessons start at eight - well, you still need to smoke, chat.
Russian school:
- Who is absent?
- Justice!
- Right.
I am fluent in Russian, English, French... and in other lessons too.
You all know the tale of free higher education. The tale is a lie, but there is a hint in it: twenty bucks for a lesson!
When I was in the seventh grade, a beer stall was set up near the school. And I was in seventh grade for five years.
I am in the 11th grade, I am much smarter than my peers, they are all already in the army, and I will study for 2 more years and all 27 years.
When I was studying, the boys went to smoke for the school, and I smoked for the district, then they noticed me and I began to smoke for the region.
If earlier gifted children of any parents were sent to study abroad...
- Now they send any children, but gifted parents!
And we present to you how the headless horseman studied at school.
- How are you behaving? Come on diary.
- I forgot it at home.
- Have you forgotten your head?
Last year, schoolchildren were sent to Paris, so they studied there for one deuce!
- What were they thinking?
- And they thought that they would be left for the second year ...
He was killed with a heavy, blunt object.
Natural history?!!
I teach English language in three days, by hard beating!
For our happy childhood thank you sex tutorials!
An emergency at a Voronezh school: a sixth grader bit a fifth grader, and a year later the fifth grader ... also became a sixth grader.
Instruction
To write jokes, you need to have not only a sense of humor, but also some experience so as not to write "button accordions". You can write in different ways. For example, a team chooses several authors who will write jokes, but other team members will perform on stage. This method has its pluses and minuses. The plus is the division of labor, that is, while the authors write jokes, the rest are free. However, there is also a downside. The author puts in his joke special meaning which only he can truly convey. But when participating in KVN, it is necessary to understand that a lot depends on the intonation with which the joke will be uttered.
It is strongly recommended that before the performance, and better immediately after writing a joke, check it for plagiarism using the Internet, in order to protect yourself from embarrassment at the speech. Usually, before the performance itself, general runs are held, at which experienced representatives of the KVN movement are present, who can point out button accordions or uninteresting jokes. However, just before the performance, check your jokes by entering part of their text into a search engine. This will be additional insurance.
There are many various methods writing jokes. It is worth noting that in no case should you try to use other jokes to write a new one. It will be plagiarism, even hidden. It is also highly discouraged to read or listen to other teams' jokes before writing, because then you simply won't notice how you use someone else's trick or joke in your work.
One of the most common joke writing techniques is brainstorming. It is carried out by the whole team. Everyone sits at a table with pens and sheets of paper. For five to ten minutes, everyone writes what they think is funny or unusual. After the specified time, the sheets are passed around. The next person reads what a friend wrote and finalizes the joke, that is, either writes it in his own words or adds the missing text. So you can pass the leaves around in a circle as many times as you like. However, you must not overdo it, otherwise the jokes will be too loaded with information.
Most frequently asked question when writing jokes - what to write about? Yes, about anything, about everything that comes to your mind. At the same time, you need to try to make the meaning of the joke understandable to as many people as possible. Also, do not come up with specific jokes or jokes with a hidden meaning. You can go for a little trick. Teams usually know roughly what kind of audience they will be performing in front of. Therefore, you can write jokes, starting from this. Brainstorming can be modified. For example, assign a topic on which jokes will be written. Or ask everyone to write some abstracts or funny situations, which they then put together and discuss with the whole team.
Jokes from KVN in the Archive of the Recreation section
They say that thongs originated from shales, they only rub them in different places ... As a child, I was bought 100 grams of sweets every day. Now I have grown up and I can’t live without 100 grams... In ancient Sparta, ugly girls were thrown... off the bed... He was brought up with a carrot and a stick, and therefore he grew up a masochist and a diabetic once we met Easter... The centipede stumbled and trampled on itself... In our museum you can see the skeleton of a mammoth, which took almost 30 people to create. I have been a veterinarian for 30 years. Wow! 30 years down the drain... If your heating is turned off, stand in a corner. It's already as much as 90 degrees... I'll sell my girlfriend's brains. Inexpensive. A little... And the Australian authorities have obliged kangaroos to hand over their bags before entering the supermarket... The most well-aimed animals are squirrels. Only they can catch the bullets flying past with their eyes ... A traffic cop and a milkmaid. Professions are different, but the principles are the same... Since ancient times, masochists in Tula have used not only a whip, but also a carrot... A new diet. Three days of bread and water, then four days of water without bread, then nine days, then forty, then an anniversary... The firm will hire an experienced accountant, maybe a woman. Or an experienced woman, maybe an accountant... From an explanation in court: The controller approached me and then I remembered that the driver had the hammer... The girl is like a song! One will tighten, the other will pick up, and you see, she went to the people ... Found mobile phone. Request to the owner to inform the pin-code for a reward... Stirlitz has been sleeping for 20 minutes, but soon he will wake up and move on. This was a habit developed in him by Pavlov ... Dear passengers! Remember! Among you on the bus there are elderly people, children and disabled people. Be careful, don't leave your things unattended... Don't marry tall girls. Their fur coats are more expensive... Supermarket cashier was in the hospital. He tried to hit back at Vitali Klitschko... Greenpeace fans found the missing Amber Room and pumped it back into the pines... Selling a spicy photo of "Miss World". Signature - Piggy. Selling an electric chair. All inclusive. The State Duma of Russia has banned the sale of cigarettes closer than 100 meters from schools. Fizruki rejoice ... Do not envy the "stars". Judging by the advertisements, they all have constant problems with teeth, skin, dandruff ... And why is it called "urbanization" when from the village to the city, and "rest" when from the city to the village? Attention! The boy-with-a-finger was lost in the nose! A sign - a nail on the back ... Tour of the Voodoo Puppet Theater. Unique opportunity not only to see, but also to feel everything for yourself ... Poltergeist in the village! Every night Avdotya goes to bed with her husband and wakes up with roosters... America is waging two wars: against obesity and terrorism. You are especially lucky when you come across a fat terrorist... Surrender. Ask in the shops of the city... Yesterday at the customs, a consignment of drugs was detained by border guards... And now the forecast. During the day it is expected and very desirable, but at night it is not expected and is not expected ... Buy discounted heroin in the shops of "Confiscate" ... Few people know that you can put matches in boxes from "dope" ... Yesterday King- Kong sexually abused the Statue of Liberty... Girl Tanya was walking home along a dark street and met a gang of hooligans. Watch the video "Fifty First Kisses"... Count Dracula came to school on September 1 unprepared. For which he received his first count ... They say in Russia every eighth Jew. It's like the proverb - measure seven times, cut once... And I have a group photo of a Swedish family. Nine by thirteen ... The draft board got to the animals. Watch on TV - "Puss in Boots"! Yesterday such cognac good drank... it's a pity to go to the toilet in the morning... If you lean Cheburashka against the fence and circle it with chalk, you will get a very indecent figure... The president's New Year's address! Now for karaoke! A nightclub cleaning lady found some kind of pill... By morning the city was shining with cleanliness... Belarusian scientists crossed a dog and a giraffe, now the mixture is barking at low-flying planes... If dew fell in the morning, it means that someone was sweating in the grass all night ... Tariffs for public utilities. Watch on the first national TV channel - the horror film "ZHEK Ripper"! Belarusian scientists crossed hemp and potatoes. Now frying is a pleasure! Chernyshevsky wrote "What is to be done?" because “how to do it” was already described in the Kama Sutra before him ... But I don’t like blondes or brunettes, but little girls. They download faster from the Internet... If you have greasy dishes, don't feed them, let them lose weight... Did you know that Styrofoam females lay their eggs in boxes of household appliances? My dad wanted a girl and my mom wanted a boy. So they met, got to know each other, and after that I was born ... In the sex shop, the sellers were given a salary in goods. Employees are unhappy with their salaries. Ukraine adopted bullfighting from Spain. Now the pigs are dying beautifully... A gold deposit has been found in Belarus. Thus, nature itself took up the arrangement of our economy ...
Learn the multiplication table, otherwise they will wake you up in the middle of the night, and you have nothing to say ... Giordano Bruno, Jeanne D "arc ... Every nation celebrates Shrovetide in its own way ... Newspaper ad. Let's hire a Negro. Not slavery. Yeah... Selling an apartment is not easy. Parents are at home all the time... Do you know that macaques never turn their backs on bulls? Smile, gentlemen! A Jewish athlete was disqualified in a running competition... He managed to cut a hundred meters... Scientists have found that a person has 2 hemispheres of the brain. The scumbags are dominated by the northern... They already had two children, but her husband went on a business trip for the third time.. watch on BT channel - "Alien 3" ... If " goldfish"put on a hot pan, the number of wishes fulfilled will automatically increase to 50...
A childish Robin Hood has wound up in the forest! He takes from the rich and gives to his mother...
On the roads were installed "lying police" to the delight of the police and "hanging police" to the delight of the drivers ...
It is very easy to invent a perpetual motion machine. You take a wheel and put Duncan MacLeod inside...
Do you know that the Colorado potato beetle can be safely recognized as the sex symbol of Belarus, which put the whole country in "cancer" ...
The son asked where babies come from. I answered honestly. Now he uses this word both appropriately and out of place...
Got a letter from the pope... "dude, the whole Vatican is rushing from you", and the signature is the pope.
I look, my wife is standing with her lover and I think what is she doing with my lover?
Did you know that an 18mm nut put into a snowball can completely change the course of a snowball fight?
Every crocodile from childhood prepares to become a diplomat...
Give it to the park! - the guys sneered at the Snow Maiden and put her on the stones in the steam room ...
Did you know that an anti-personnel mine the best remedy from flat...
I understand that birds fly south in winter. I don't understand why they come back...
Station announcement:
Attention attention! Pinocchio boy! Papa Carlo is waiting for you in the room of mother and planer!
Announcement in the newspaper: I bring damage to the portraits of famous people.
And the signature: Mold.
I really like my thin waist but I hate the layer of fat that hides it!
Boris Yeltsin's temperature rose yesterday... Gennady Zyuganov was the first to congratulate the President on his rise...
It's good to be president! Stole, drank, for a second term. Stole, drank, for a second term! Romance...
Did you know that the word "Eureka" in Greek translates as "What bastard let hot water into the bath ?!"
and pulled him like a magnet, smeared with honey ....
When I was little, I dreamed of buying lots and lots of sweets; Now I'm grown up and I want... vodka... Yes, I'm a fool, and I have minus 16 IQ... An ad in the newspaper: "I'll strangle my wife or give it to good hands..."
The man is not a cactus! He must drink!
From the news... Yesterday, two traffic police officers were taken to the hospital in a serious condition. They stopped Zmey Gorynych's car and asked him: Come on, breathe!
Women are like elephants: nice to look at, but dangerous to keep in the house...
Announcement: I will answer for the "goat" on a prepaid basis
As soon as the astronauts left the Mir station, homeless people settled there
GAME OVER - gay died...
I'm not a vulgar... I'm an erotic joker...
I won't join the army out of conviction... I'm convinced that I won't like it!
Unfortunately, during the tour of the program " Good night, kids" Khryusha disappeared in Ukraine ...
During the athletics competition in Belarus, President Lukashenko issued a decree to increase the 100-meter race by 50 meters. So he decided to support the public sector.
Sponsors of our team 100 € and a color copier...
According to the decree on the denomination, the zeros on the toilets must be crossed out ...
Tragedy in Sweden! Carlson, in front of the Kid, put on his panties with the propeller inside!
When out birthday cake a girl jumped out Izya sadly remarked - And the smart ones eat from the inside! ...
The coolest drug addict is "Sleeping Beauty"... once injected and 100 years high...
The rays of the sun fall on the chest, chest on the stomach, stomach on the knees ...
March 8 to all girls in public transport discount for transportation of ONE PLACE...
Tights made from hemp fibers... every puff is a joy!
Self-assembly tablecloth - she really doesn’t feed, but she scolds so cool!
Girl, oh girl! What are you doing tonight at my house?
A good thief Rabbi Hood appeared in Israel. He cuts off from the rich and gives to the poor...
Driver! Following the rules traffic you leave families of traffic police officers without a livelihood ...
I once came to my neighbor from below ... And he and my wife from above ...
Probably, when you passed an obtuse corner at school, you clearly underestimated the mark ...
Marvelous! The mind on the planet is a constant number, and the population is growing ...
As a result of testing the latest nuclear warhead, Belarus finally got access to the sea...
The TV show DUCK STORIES from the urological department is on air ...
The Snow Maiden jumped over the fire, jumped again ... The third time only the head jumped ... Tortilla is a retired ninja ... a collective image, collects bottles ... Do you know that the recipe for the American national dish "hot dog "Stolen from the Koreans? From Sunday, our country switches to summer time. Gentlemen, bandits, do not forget to switch the arrows ... Stirlitz was driving along Friedrichstrasse towards the front ... This was already the third car of the Reich Chancellery, which he drove to his homeland. Gingerbread Man went into a department store, looked into the sporting goods department and, looking at the balls, exclaimed in surprise: "Wow, the sex shop is open!" Yesterday, a tire burst at the bus on route No. 33 ... And today a boy was born in maternity hospital No. 7 ... For the same reason.
The game of hide-and-seek ended tragically in the entrance of house number 5. The girl hid the boy for 15 years ...
As historians found out, Scheherazade had a brother - Scheherepered ...
When an elephant died in a nearby zoo, the whole quarter was afraid to buy dumplings and pasties for a month ...
Once upon a time there were two masochists and they died happily ever after...
Gulliver went into a cafe and ordered "Grilled Elephant", "Elephant on a Bottle" and "Pushed Sausage with Feet"...
A new sound ride in the park... a girl stuck on a ferris wheel...
Unfortunately, most of the field hockey participants did not pass the doping control ...
The Belarusian government banned the import of drugs from abroad. With such measures, they want to support domestic producers ...
Life, it's like a zebra... Mouth in front, tail behind...
Jet printer. Jet up to 10 meters...
How much can one repeat that, according to the laws of political correctness, it is necessary to say APHRODITE, and not NEGRODITA ...
A competition of twins was held in Mongolia ... EVERYONE won ...
My friend died from milk ... he drank milk for himself, and the cow sat down ...
Drinking girl like noodles fast food- 3 minutes and ready...
After the American film "Apple Pie" in Russia they released their own film - "Waffle Fancy" ...
Remember! "stupid fashion model" is a tautology...
Anything you throw on the stage can be used against you!
Alzheimer's disease, Koch's wand... who can stop doctors' delusions of grandeur?...
