What to do if you love a married man. I fell in love with a married man: we are looking for a way out of the situation. Great feeling or double betrayal

In society, it is customary to consider mistresses as negative characters. People call them predators, homeowners, family destroyers, and so on. That is why it is sometimes so difficult for a woman to admit to herself: "I am a man ..." What to do in this difficult situation? Unfortunately, there is no universal solution to the problem.

Why is this happening?

In fact, much more often than we think, the phrase comes to mind for women: "I love married man". What to do in this situation? To begin with, it is worthwhile to figure out why this happens. The answer is obscenely simple. The fact is that sooner or later there comes a moment when more or less noteworthy men are already "ringed". In addition, if we are talking O true love, then no stamp in the passport will become an obstacle. You should also not forget that some unscrupulous husbands carefully hide their Family status, wanting to take possession of the heart of a sultry beauty. In any case, this situation is equally difficult for all participants in the love triangle.

A strange man often arouses more interest than one who is absolutely free from family relationships. Weaker sex the hunting instinct is also inherent. In addition, another factor plays a significant role: if someone chose this person to create a family, then he is definitely good (at least, it may seem so at first glance). Thus, some ladies prefer to stay on a proven option than to rush headlong into the unknown.

Why does a man need a mistress?

What to do if you love a married man? First you need to figure out why a man needs this relationship. According to statistics, about 80% of married men have relationships on the side. And many consider this situation perfectly normal, justifying himself by the fact that males are polygamous by nature. In fact, the reasons are much simpler and more commonplace, namely:

monotonous family life and routine force a man to go in search of adventure with a new darling;
often after marriage, women absolutely stop taking care of themselves, and therefore husbands simply cannot resist if they see a well-groomed beauty nearby;
some men like the feeling that they have two women under their command (or maybe more);
feeling tension and some discord in family relationships, a man may resort to searching for an "alternate airfield", where he will always be expected;

marriages are not always concluded for love (besides, this feeling may pass over time), and therefore, having cooled off towards his wife, a person can go in search of a new passion;
having learned about his wife's betrayal, a man can take revenge on her by resorting to relationships on the side;
sometimes a relationship with a mistress is just a way to diversify your intimate life.

How to proceed?

So, you dared to admit to yourself: "I love a married man." What to do in this case, so as not to harm anyone? To begin with, you must clearly realize that, according to statistics, only 5-10% of unfaithful husbands decide to leave the family nest and immerse themselves in a new relationship. Based on this, you can choose for yourself one of the following behavior strategies:

enjoy the moment (since you can’t build a family with this person, take everything you can from him: love, gifts, etc.);
fight for your happiness (since a man has decided on a relationship, then you have a small chance for their continuation);
find the courage to break off relations (if you value your reputation and honor, it is better to leave a married man, because in the eyes of society you will sooner or later become a real monster);
treat like with like (if you find out that the object of your passion has been happily married for a long time, try to switch to a new relationship with a man who is not burdened with family obligations as soon as possible).

It should be understood that this is a kind of problem if you confess to yourself: "I love a married man." The advice and recommendations of outsiders are unlikely to help resolve the situation. First of all, you need to understand yourself and your feelings.

Positive points

What to do with a married man? Since you have decided to enter into such a relationship, try to enjoy the benefits. So, the status of a mistress gives the following positive aspects:

you are not obliged to serve your lover (cook him, wash and iron things), but all the time between dates is at your complete disposal;
you have no obligations to this man (if you like someone else, you can switch to a new "love" without a twinge of conscience);
relationship with a married man is a sea of adrenaline and thrills;
the fact that a man preferred you to his wife inspires a sense of superiority and amuses pride;

if your chosen one is wealthy, then it is quite possible that he will take on most of the costs of your maintenance;
often men do not save on mistresses (they give them much more expensive and valuable gifts than legal wives).

Negative points

What to do if you love a married man? There is no universal answer to the question. If you hesitate between feelings and conscience, perhaps the negative factors of such a relationship will help you make a decision. So the following is worth noting:

you cannot appear together in society (only at first, meetings furtively give passion and intrigue, and later they get bored and even become humiliating);
you run the risk of acquiring an implacable and insidious enemy in the person of your lover's wife;
you are likely to spend all evenings, weekends and holidays alone;
the status of a mistress in the eyes of society is very humiliating, and therefore you will feel out of place (and if everyone knows about the relationship, then they will point the finger at you).

boomerang principle

Women are not always responsible for the recognition: "I love a married man." What to do in this situation? Imagine yourself in the place of his wife. It's possible she doesn't suspect anything. What if she knows everything? It is possible that she suffers because of the realization that her husband has a mistress. Maybe she is silent because of the children or her own indecision. Or maybe you are the reason for the constant family quarrels and scandals.

You can fantasize endlessly on this topic, but you should always remember the boomerang principle. How would you feel if you found out that your spouse has another woman?

I love a married man... What should I do? How to forget?

There is such a category of women who will go over the heads and step over everyone in order to achieve their goal. If you do not belong to them, then you will certainly begin to strain the status of a mistress. To forget about a married man, follow these recommendations:

End your relationship and all contact with this person as soon as possible. No last dates and fleeting meetings are needed. The sooner you cut this knot, the easier it will be to regain your peace of mind.
Destroy everything that reminds you of this relationship. Delete phone numbers and correspondence, get rid of gifts (if things are valuable, then they can be sold).
Don't start a new relationship with the first person you meet. Wait until past feelings completely cool down, and find someone who is truly worthy of you.
Try to get distracted and change the environment, find a new hobby, start interesting acquaintances. For example, you can go on a trip. In a word, you need to do everything that will save you from thinking about

What if it's fate?

A difficult and responsible step is a relationship with a married man. Is it worth dating him? If this is the love of your life, then it's probably worth the risk. Perhaps you will become for him that faithful companion that everyone dreams of. It is possible that your lover's wife also has a relationship on the side. Thus, divorce will not be a tragedy, but the beginning of a new happy life for all characters.

Is such a scenario possible? Certainly! The statement that marriages are made in heaven is far from always true. Perhaps his first legal relationship is nothing more than a mistake of youth. Someone marries in defiance of their parents, someone under pressure, someone out of stupidity, and someone because of the children. In any case, if a man is unhappy in marriage, then with or without your help, he will still leave the family. The main thing is to correctly guess his intentions.

Help from a specialist

So, more and more often you say to yourself: "I love a married man." What to do? The advice of a psychologist in this case will be most welcome. You need to share your problems, otherwise you can simply wallow in them. If you do not have a reliable girlfriend with whom you could talk heart to heart, you should contact a specialist. The psychologist will ask you to answer the following questions:

Even if with your love you save a man from a domestic routine and an unloved (possibly unfaithful) wife, you still put yourself in an extremely humiliating position. Think about it, are you ready to go down in the eyes of others for the sake of this man?
Giving yourself entirely into the hands of an unfaithful family man, you are wasting valuable time that could be spent on creating your own family. Is it worth it to punish yourself like that?
If a man has children, then surely they will be the first to suffer after the father leaves the family. Think back to your childhood and your family. Will you be ashamed?
Quite often, men crumble in promises to divorce their wife and create a new one with their mistress. happy family. But why hasn't he done it yet?

You must give the answer not to the psychologist, but to yourself. If you are honest with yourself, you can make the right decision.

conclusions

No matter how women drive such thoughts away from themselves, many admit to themselves: "I love a married man." What to do in a difficult situation, a psychologist will tell you, as well as your own conscience. Before starting such a relationship, you need to analyze the situation very well. Of course, there is a small chance that you will find the love of your life, but in most cases, everything is limited to the humiliating status of a mistress.

Many women who have started romantic relationship with a married man, they are faced with a choice: to leave their beloved or fight for him to the bitter end. Situations are ambiguous, but in some cases it is not recommended to continue a relationship with a young man. Such a union will bring nothing but tears, pain and disappointment. There are other situations in which mistresses win their loved one, take them away from the family and build a joint future. It is important to try to objectively look at what is happening in a girl's life. The recommendations and advice of psychologists can also help in this.

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In what cases to continue a relationship with a married man

Most of the female representatives who have begun a relationship with a married man expect him to divorce, leave his legal wife, and marry. But this does not always happen. Often young people promise their partners a joint future, talk about love, and then still stay with their spouses.

To avoid the lifelong role of a mistress, you need to speak frankly with your lover, asking about the future outcome of the relationship.

If he promises to divorce already long time, but nothing happens, it is necessary to put the question in an ultimatum form. If he really takes action to leave the family, then there is no reason not to trust the young man.

It is worth continuing meetings with your beloved man in the following situations:

When he moved in with his mistress, he explained himself to his wife and decided to file for divorce. Even if a young man is just preparing to part with his wife, then you should stay with him. Preparation of documents, conversations with former woman and the solution of various formal issues already indicate that a man wants to radically change his life.
When the relationship with the spouse has long ceased, but the beloved puts off divorce proceedings because of some formalities. It also happens that a couple has not lived together for a long time and does not meet, but are still not divorced. For some young people, this stamp in the passport does not have of great importance. If there is definitely no connection with the wife, then it is necessary to hint or directly tell the guy about the divorce.

In some situations, when a man directly says that he cannot choose between women, you should let him think, do not rush or put pressure on him.

If a person has lived with his wife for many years, then it will be difficult for them to part. It is necessary to enter into the position of a loved one, to understand that this step is not easy for him.

When is the best time to leave a young man

Very often, married men meanly act with their mistresses, deceive them, betray them. If a girl understands that the current relationship has been going on for a long time, but it hasn’t led to anything, it’s worth considering.

Breaking off contact with a young person and stopping meetings is necessary if:

A man has been giving communication for a long time, but does not fulfill them. True sign the fact that a loved one does not want to leave his family. In such cases, it is recommended to say directly that he chooses one woman out of two.
He comes up with excuses, looks for reasons not to get divorced, not to move, not to explain himself to his wife. Sometimes there are reasons to delay a divorce. But if a guy comes up with trifling reasons, then you need to beware.
He directly says that he is not going to ruin the family. Such relationships can be continued if the woman is satisfied with everything in them. But they have no future, it is unlikely that they will be able to convince a person.
Constantly makes mistresses. If a girl knows for sure that her lover has repeatedly cheated on his wife, then you need to think about whether this relationship is for him another promising romance.
Initially he said he was single.. A young man in love would not lie to a girl, but would try to explain his feelings, intentions, plans. It is worth asking about the motives for lying, if the guy says that he was afraid to confess and lose his beloved, then he can be forgiven. But he must back up his words with actions.

If a girl loves a married man who is much older, you should immediately ask about his plans for parting with his wife.

Older men find it much more difficult to step out of their comfort zone than younger men. If he really loves his current passion, then he will make the choice in her favor. It must be abolished that older people are more likely to have young mistresses due to insufficient sexual activity with his wife. Therefore, you should immediately make it clear that such a relationship does not suit a woman and she wants more.

What to do if the woman herself is married

If a girl in love with a married man is married herself, then her situation is even more difficult. Ideal Solution this situation is as follows: people divorce their spouses and start life together. But this does not always happen, and the reason for this is many different factors.

A girl who falls in love with a married man deserves sympathy. You cannot always keep your own feelings under control and be guided by reason alone. In addition, sometimes the fair sex simply does not have another worthy choice among the guys. But you need to understand that the relationship will not be smooth.

Romance or love?

If you are tormented by the thought that you are getting into someone else's family, you need to understand yourself and find out what intentions your man has. When he is set up only for a light fling, it is up to you whether to agree or not.

Married men leading double life often turn out to be manipulators pursuing their own interests. How to learn not to succumb to other people's desires? Let's watch the video!

Most likely, this will not bring much harm to the marriage of your loved one, especially if the young man is used to this lifestyle, and his wife either lives in pink glasses, or deliberately turns a blind eye to constant betrayal. But such a short-term, meaningless romance can bring you many sad moments. If you really love a man, you will suffer greatly when he leaves you.

Is divorce possible?

When everything is not going well with your chosen one, he says that divorce is only a matter of time, perhaps you should wait until he finally breaks up with his wife. Realize that such promises can be just a gimmick, and don't trust words alone 100%.

If your man's intentions are transparent, he will first deal with his wife, and then begin to build a relationship with you. When a young man is not going to move from words to deeds, the situation can drag on endlessly until you come to terms with your position as an eternal lover.

Great feeling or double betrayal?

If you have kindled feelings for your friend with wedding ring and decided to conquer it, think twice. Do not destroy someone else's family, especially if it has children. Trying to seduce someone else's husband, you are committing an unseemly act.

Another thing is if the young man himself shows a frank interest in you, but taking the initiative in such matters is unacceptable for a woman with self-esteem. Think about the fact that if your efforts are successful, you will not be able to be sure of the fidelity of your new partner.

Loss of control or serious relationship?

Perhaps your relationship with a married man has already developed. If you have lost your head and let the situation take its course, think about your own future. When your chosen one is happy with everything, he is not going to leave his family or you, decide how you will live in a few years. If you want to have own family, children, full-fledged relationships, all these benefits will not be available to you while your man is happy with his double life.

Over time, it will become increasingly difficult for you to find a worthy life partner and build new relationships. You will begin to get more and more bogged down in your position. Soberly assess the situation, taking into account your goals. Most likely, your partner does not truly appreciate you or his wife, so stop deceiving yourself and take care to find real personal happiness.

Have you always condemned the "third superfluous", unceremoniously breaking into other people's marriages and taking men away from the family, but now you are forced to reconsider your views? And all because they themselves fell into a similar situation and became the mistress of a married man. And the seemingly unscrupulous homeowner is no longer such, and the wife is seen as a vixen who by force keeps the unfree man of your dreams.

Dating a married man or ending a relationship is up to you. But in order for the decision to be conscious, and you can imagine what awaits you in the future, you can try to understand the situation. Namely, to understand what pitfalls you will have to stumble upon, being in the status of a lover, and what such a relationship is fraught with.

The women's magazine site will consider what are the pros and cons of love for a married man.

What's wrong with a love triangle relationship?

Loss of time. You are in constant expectation of a loved one and live from meeting to meeting. He promises to come visit over the weekend, and you spend the whole day looking forward to cleaning, dressing up, cooking dinner. And after seeing the beloved to his wife, you again begin to wait for the next date. The time spent waiting flies quickly, and it will not be possible to return it.
Loneliness. On the one hand, you have a beloved man who visits your apartment, you have sex with him and have dinner together from time to time, he gives you gifts and says tender words. On the other hand, you feel lonely, because your loved one has a family and, perhaps, even children. It is with his family that he spends weekends and holidays, and you just have to be content with the minutes and hours that he will carve out for short meetings.
Stealth. You are constantly forced to control yourself: you can’t call him on his mobile at any time, walk on the street by the hand, do joint photos. Your life has become one continuous mystery, consisting of the eternal “no” and “not now”.
Second roles. Becoming the mistress of a married man, you must be aware that in the first place he will always have a wife, then children, then someone else. And when will it be your turn? "You - main man in my life, ”- no matter how you dream of such words addressed to you, you are unlikely to get them from him. You will have to experience a humiliating feeling more than once when, indulging in love pleasures in your bed, he hastily grabs a cell phone and, in a broken voice, will justify himself to his wife who called, explaining that he is at work and will soon come home.
boomerang effect. Modern psychology does not deny the existence of the boomerang principle, when the bad returns to the one who created it. While you, stealing moments of happiness, revel in your love, the wife, suspecting betrayal, waits and suffers. Psychologists say that actions that entail the suffering of others will sooner or later be punished by a retaliatory blow.

What good is fraught with a relationship with a married man?

But, to be honest, relationships with a married man also have advantages - just look at them from a different angle.

Lots of free time. If you are a freedom-loving person, then you will like the relationship with a married man with the opportunity to do what you want. Unlike a wife who takes care of the house and children, you are not attached to anyone or anything. Party at the club, shopping, fitness classes in the evenings - why not, if you want?
Enjoyment of life. The absence of obligations allows you not to get hung up on your lover, but to enjoy what is happening. Beloved could not be released in the evening? It's not scary, you can go to a restaurant with a cute boyfriend who has long been seeking your favor. lover meets New Year in the family? It doesn't matter, because the head of the neighboring department has long laid eyes on you and offers to spend the holidays skiing in the suburbs of Sochi. Conclusion: if a married man does not occupy all your thoughts, then you can have a good time in his absence.
Drive. Relationship with a married man will become a sip fresh air among the usual gray days. Boring work, monotonous days and gloomy colleagues are so tired that I want to get depressed. And then - passion, adrenaline, explosive emotions ... Sex in the most unthinkable places and poses, fear of being seen, hungry glances, furtively thrown at each other - what is not the plot for an erotic novel.
Advantages. His wife is an eternal housekeeper, cook and educator all rolled into one. And you - free woman, ready at any time to have sex with a loved one or dressed in evening dress, accompany him to dinner in a restaurant. You do not have a headache, you do not get tired, spending the whole evening cooking, cleaning and playing with children. She is sure of his love and loyalty, but you know that he has to live with her for the sake of the children, common property or just out of habit.

So, it turns out that love for a married man can be different. It depends on your perception of the current situation. You can tear your soul to pieces and throw pieces of your heart at his feet, sit in a dark room in the evenings and count the minutes until he appears. And you can not concentrate on a man, do not torment yourself with vain worries about him legal spouse and enjoy life.

Relationship with a married man - is it good or bad? Most likely bad. And if you can avoid them, then it's best to do so. Although there are enough examples when a man got divorced and then he and his mistress lived happily ever after, but it’s better not to build relationships on someone else’s broken happiness. Believe me, in this world there are enough single and self-sufficient representatives of the stronger sex, who draw in their dreams about perfect woman exactly your image.

You can't command love. This indisputable truth, which many of the most different people. But what to do and what to do when you find out that he is married? This question in itself is very subtle and very ambiguous.

On one side of the scale - your love, on the other - family happiness loved one. Which of these is more important is up to you to decide, and we will try to simulate typical situations of the development of events.

He is married. What to do?

Option one. Try to forget your love

If, after much torment, you nevertheless chose this most difficult option for you, then you should know that you saved the family of your loved one from a possible collapse, did not ruin his life, and perhaps this is even for the best for everyone.

This is especially true if his family is successful and happy - your intervention can break two lives (and if you have children, then much more), and think about it - are you ready to pay such a price for your happiness?

Option two. Try to win back the one you love

If your love burns you like fire, you understand that you are with your beloved - perfect couple, then perhaps you will try to break up this marriage and start your own family. Here, too, several options are possible.

The first and most understandable - you succeeded, the marriage is broken, you are successful new family. In the red - children from a previous marriage and the previous chosen one herself. For obvious reasons, we cannot say how big these are minuses, since everything depends on the specific situation.

The second option - it was not possible to break up the marriage, you quarreled with your loved one and his chosen one. There is only one way out - to leave the stage so as not to provoke further conflicts - even if the beloved can be beaten off, then love on his part will not be complete.

Do you need unnecessary problems when love is lost? Most likely no. That is why we advise you, in such a development of the situation, to turn again to the first option, without rejecting it outright.

Pros of being in a relationship with a married man:

You will not be alone;

You may be looked after;

Perhaps he will understand and stay with you forever;

A new relationship filled with pleasure.

Cons of relationships with married people:

If he stays with you, his children are fatherless;

Your man will constantly run from his wife to you;

You are being used for personal purposes;

He can play enough with you and go to his wife.

Of course, these are only the main directions for the development of the situation - in each individual case, there may be additional options and conditions. Therefore we are careful not to give more specific advice on this issue and we only hope that now the answer to the question “what to do if he is married” has become at least a little clearer to you.

In addition, we hope that you will not have to answer it, and if you have to, then you will make the most correct, honest and fair choice of all possible and do not destroy your own and others' happiness.

What if he is married?

If you find that the man you like is married, consider the following:

Firstly, a happy spouse will never take off his ring to satisfy himself with unknown woman. It means that something is not going well with your man in the family;

If you had serious relationship with a person, and then you accidentally find out that he is married, then you just need to find out about his intentions regarding you, and find out the reason for his act. Don’t even think to wind yourself up, what to ask him, and it hurts ... Just don’t think about it - ask him at the first meeting, and don’t pull. Believe me, a lot of men just need to be looked for;

With the likelihood that you still love each other. Try to find out why your loved one ended up in a relationship with two women. Talk seriously and if you still love each other, then let him know that sharing your man with another woman is unpleasant for you and you are not going to endure it. Let him solve his problems with marriage and stay with you or vice versa;

There is also an option when married men are simply played by women. They get what they want and leave them, returning to the family.

He is married? Don't ruin your own life

Remember that your life depends only on you. And your relationship is also a component of this life. Do not forget that falling in love with a man without first receiving the same feelings from him is very irresponsible. This is how you betray yourself.

Naturally, a man is the head of everything, but do not forget that a woman is a neck. Therefore, for the most part, everything depends only on us, because no one forces us girls and women to love married people, pledging to take care of them. And also to suffer and worry about men who do not care. It’s just that all women sometimes need to stop taking everything so sincerely.

Also, since women are now strong and soft, each has its own attitude towards married men. Some drop everything at once and leave, while others stay and just wait. Waiting even when it would be worth leaving.

Life sometimes plays with us cruel games especially giving us love with a person who is not free. Often women fall in love with a married man with such a “bait”. Trying to analyze what the consequences may be after this, we destroy our own lives. But what if you really fell in love with a person who already has a family? How to build a relationship with a married man if feelings are mutually captivating?

How to behave if he is married

What you need to understand for yourself:

Choose for yourself exactly the role that is important: both of you are not free or one of you is not free, is it really love or passion, or maybe it is beneficial for both of you to have such a relationship? Always remember that nothing happens without consequences, and be both ready for a turn in your destiny;

Do not forget that such relationships last as long as it is convenient for one of the partners. Do not draw illusions and live in reality;

It is advisable to immediately destroy that connection if a man carefully hides his marriage - this lie can become habitual for him, and you will be guilty of destroying someone's family. Remember, if a man lies to his mistress, then he lies to everyone;

Remember that you knew what you were getting into;

But if your feelings are mutual, fight for your love.

Enjoy what's happening. It may be that your encounters are based solely on sexual connection, but the paradox is what to find the right partner it’s not so easy in sex, then your task is not to follow the man’s lead, but to become the main one in the relationship. Meaning, to meet not when he is “impatient”, but when the two of you succeed;

No need to demand what is not yours. He will still spend all the holidays with his family, so for this period you need to think in advance of a great activity to fill in these gaps. Yes. Difficult. But you knew what you were getting into;

Do not try to destroy the family of your chosen one. Learn to be such that you can give him exactly what he lacks in married life. Become not like a wife, but more than a wife. Therefore, do not claim the leading place in your relationship and do not devote yourself to a married man with a head. Your life also needs attention and adjustment. Do not miss the opportunity to be with loved ones, travel, etc.;

If there is an opportunity to meet your man's friends, try to be charming to them. After all, the opinion of friends about his choice is very important for a man. And such steps will bring him closer to you;

Be patient and don't claim what's not yours. Accept that sooner or later you will need to end this relationship;

Look for your love.