Dad and newborn. How to tell a small child about the departure of his father from the family

Most people are sure that initially the child needs only the attention of the mother, and the father can join the upbringing process in a few years. But it's not. Initially, a father can give a lot to a child. But how do you explain it to him?

For company with dad

First of all, one should not be afraid to give the child to the father and leave them alone. Today you can meet many fathers who prepare for the birth on a par with women, and sometimes even better. When dad takes an active part in family life, then love and harmony reign in the family. After all, no matter how great the mother is, she still cannot give the child what dad can give. In addition, for him this is another reason to feel like the head of the family. In addition, the child from the very beginning will at the subconscious level form his own concept of what a family should be like. And this will be reflected in his future, and you can’t joke with that.

The role of the father in the upbringing of the baby is very important, because he sets an example. When his son grows up, he will try to copy his behavior, and when his daughter grows up, she will look for a man who will remind her of her dad at least a little. When a child grows up and understands that his mother is feeding him, and his father is playing with him, then his worldview will develop significantly, and this will directly affect him. mental development. It is very good when a man helps, because a woman after childbirth cannot afford some things and besides that she still has time to take care of everything.

Becoming a father is not easy.

The connection between the child and mother is established during pregnancy. But with dad, the situation is somewhat different. Communication in this case should be established through communication, games and child care. After all, if there is not enough contact, then what kind of love can we talk about? Sometimes men do not pay attention to the child just because they do not know what he needs and how to treat him in general. This is not the worst thing, because mom can always show and explain everything. In such cases, the main thing is patience and support. Let not the first time, but soon dad will learn how to hold the baby, change diapers, play and much more!

Jealousy and postpartum depression in fathers

If a mother paid little attention to a man in childhood, then he may feel very uncomfortable seeing how his wife is worn with a child. This is what causes depression in men. And this is very dangerous, just like depression in my mother. Sometimes men begin to be jealous of a wife for a child, but this is not at all surprising.

After all, before all the attention was paid to him, and now this tiny creature takes away all the attention, time and energy from the mother. Sometimes there are times when men are not going to share a woman with anyone, even with own child. But in most cases, such resentment arises only because the father does not take an active part in the care process. Then there may even be outbreaks of aggression and unfair criticism, both towards the wife and the child.

Depression occurs in men Lately Often. Most often, a man just goes from home to spend time with friends, at work or somewhere else.

Thus, he will gradually move away from the family, and this will have a very backfire. Therefore, everything possible must be done to prevent this estrangement from happening.

It is very important to make it clear to a man that he is still loved, and all the child's requests are quite normal and correspond to his level of development. You can also make him a little surprise while dad is busy with the child, or, for example, cover romantic dinner like when you first met. This will not only show your concern for him, but also the fact that you still love him, and the appearance of a child in your family only strengthened your love!

Father's care of the child

Sooner or later, there comes a moment when mom needs to go away on business, and dad and baby stay alone for a while. What kind of knowledge and skills might a dad need in such a responsible matter?!

Newborn babies look so small and defenseless that many young dads are afraid to take them in their arms, preferring to wait until the time when the kids grow up and get stronger. But still, than earlier dad will take part in the care of his child, the better.

This will contribute to a more rapid establishment of psychological contact between the father and the child and gives the parent very useful and necessary skills. After all, in order to raise a child, you need to be able to do a lot.

Paternal duty

Perhaps you like loving husband, eagerly iron the diapers, help your spouse bathe the child, but you don’t dare to stay alone with him. Believe me, this does not give you the right to forbid your wife to leave the house for her own needs.

It is very important to know what certain time after the completion of pregnancy, every woman should visit a gynecologist. If the birth was natural and nothing bothers the mother, then a visit to the doctor is scheduled after 6 weeks. If the woman had a caesarean section, then a visit to the doctor is scheduled earlier.

Under no circumstances should such visits to the doctor be postponed. They must be timely in order to avoid possible problems with reproductive function.

As a rule, my father's role as a nanny coincides with my mother's visit to the doctor. This is a very crucial moment, because the baby is still very small, but you need to follow him as closely as a child who already knows how to roll over and crawl. In any case, this is a great opportunity to get to know your baby better.

Dad and baby care

It would be great if dad and baby have already gotten used to each other. It’s even better if dad has already gotten used to carrying the baby in his arms. You can find a lot of information about how to carry a baby in various sources. But the main thing is that you and your baby are comfortable and safe. Without experiencing stiffness in movements and fear of harming the baby, you will quickly learn to understand the needs of the baby. And this is a very important achievement.

Of course, it is very convenient to leave dad and baby alone when the baby is sleeping. If it's standing on the street good weather, then you can try and skip all the allotted time. To do this, you should choose not crowded places, far from road transport and expensive, but not very far from home or from mother, because children may suddenly wake up with a sharp feeling of hunger.

Check regularly during the walk to see if your child is cold or sweaty. And if necessary, take appropriate measures to eliminate such troubles.

If your child is bottle-fed, then it will not be difficult for you to feed him. The situation is much more difficult with infants who are fully breastfed. In this case, your wife must have pumped her milk into a container, explained to you how to warm it up to desired temperature and even showed the volume that the child should suck out at one time.

But the baby may simply refuse to eat with a pacifier if he has never done this before. Therefore, if you have such an opportunity, then a few days before the planned event, it is advisable to introduce the child to the bottle. If the baby does not eat milk in this way, then at least drink water or children's tea. This will help you buy time. But, of course, it’s better not to leave such a fussy for a long time without mother's breast.

Be prepared for the fact that very young children often begin to cough, because they still do not know how to swallow quickly, and liquid enters the windpipe. If it seems to you that the child is choking, immediately tilt it forward so that the head is lower than the body, press on the stomach with your hand and pat it on the back a little.

It's much worse if the baby chokes solid food. So if the child is already a little older. then do not let him play, laugh and even talk while eating.

Hygiene procedures

hygiene procedures. Of course, it will be best to wash the baby every time you change panties. But, most likely, you got it dressed in disposable diaper. In such a situation, it is very important to change diapers in a timely manner, because the contact of delicate baby skin with urine or feces is fraught with irritation, sometimes very strong.

If the child has soiled the diaper, it is convenient to wipe the bottom first wet wipes and then rinse it under running water.

Very important: girls are washed from front to back, and boys - vice versa!

If you need to bathe a whole baby, then it's not so small. Yet bathing a newborn is very difficult to accomplish without skills and an assistant at hand.

How to put a baby to sleep?

So, you bathed your baby and are ready to sing him a lullaby, putting him to bed, but suddenly the baby starts crying for no apparent reason. It's not scary. Most likely, the baby lacks a mother and the usual way of life. But, perhaps, he is tormented by increased gas formation and intestinal colic.

A good way to relieve pain is to put the baby on his tummy on a warm diaper, or even better - on his chest. Stroke the baby on the back, talk to him in an affectionate, calm tone, as if the baby understands everything (and he really understands). And the baby will surely calm down and fall asleep.

Any man can have a child, but not everyone can become a real father. And, although we daily sing the praises of mothers and their selflessness, rarely do we remember what important role the father plays in the upbringing of the child. Views on raising a child have changed dramatically over time. IN modern family The role of the father in upbringing is not limited to material support And wise advice, good dad should pay enough attention to his children and know how to raise children, not only grown-ups, but also newborns.

newborn and dad

Many studies show that a father who is involved and supportive, who gives his child his love and care, can greatly contribute to the development mental capacity ability to learn languages, communication skills, as well as honesty, hard work and good self-esteem.

The role of the father in education

The role of the father in education cannot be underestimated. A newborn and dad is not a touching picture or “too good to be true”, it is an important part of a child’s life that will affect him or her for the rest of his or her life in one way or another.

A child's relationship with his father can affect all subsequent relationships with other people, including friends, lovers, and spouses. These early patterns of interaction with the father are the same patterns that will henceforth be projected in all respects onto for many, many years. This is not only your child's internal idea of who he/she is, how he/she relates to others, but also the range of what your child will find acceptable and how they will perceive care.

Dad and newborn daughter

It is often said that girls instinctively look for traits of their father in their loved ones. Of course, this does not mean at all that all girls will look for their dad in all the men who appear in their lives, but there is still some truth in this. It doesn't matter if the father was the kindest and loving man, and accordingly the ideal to strive for, in a girl's life or not, the relationship with her father is familiar territory. Girls will look for traits and behaviors familiar to them from childhood in others.

dad and newborn son

The role of the father in the upbringing of the son takes on a completely different color. Boys will behave like their fathers. They will seek their father's approval in everything they do and copy those behaviors they recognize as successful and familiar. Thus, if a dad was rude, controlling, and dominant, chances are high that their sons will imitate their cruelty. However, if the father has always been loving and supportive, then the son will want to be just that.

The worst thing when a once prosperous family breaks up is the unknown. It is the fear of the unknown that scares children of all ages. In rare families, during a divorce, parents have the courage to talk frankly with their children and explain the situation. Most often, children are presented with a fait accompli. And even worse, when the father leaves the "battlefield" quietly and without saying goodbye. The family, now so small, begins new life. And the child does not always understand his place in it. If earlier they had family holidays, now mom is closed in herself and devotes little time to children. Or vice versa, he begins to take care of children with enthusiasm, looking for consolation in them or making amends for the feeling of guilt in front of them. The child is abrupt behavior can only scare. What feelings does he experience? Fear, uncertainty, despair, anger, and most importantly, guilt.

Is it possible to cope with this and forgive the parents? Can. Need to? Needed for the child. A child in such a situation needs to understand that he has the right to express his own feelings. He has the right to tell his parents what worries him, even accuse him of something. But parents should also be honest with him. Of course, this frankness should not be traumatic. There is no need to tell children that the reason for the divorce is that dad is cruel to mom or he has a different family for a long time. And even more so not to blame each other for all the sins in front of children. Find a neutral reason for your breakup.

A child has the right to be angry with his parents. Yes, he considers them his property, and they suddenly made such a serious decision without asking him. He needs a familiar cozy world, security guarantees. And this is not selfishness, but a completely understandable reaction to leaving the comfort zone. And if additional changes occur in the family (moving, lowering living standards, new school), the reaction can be the most unpredictable. But she is absolutely justified. Why do adults believe that a child does not have the right to express feelings, does not have the right to demand something. Closeness in oneself, especially in adolescents, can lead to a complete breakdown of intra-family relationships. I want the child to scream, blame the parents for all his failures, he has the right. But both mom and dad should give an adequate response to such an expression of emotions. Do not scare, do not threaten, but understand. It is very difficult, but you have to put yourself in the place of a child. You are in pain now, but how is he? He still does not know how to cope with emotions, does not understand the whole situation.

It is worse when, instead of open manifestations of feelings, the child plunges into himself. Often this is caused by feelings of guilt. Yes, the child considers himself guilty that mom and dad no longer live together. Typically, young children between the ages of 5 and 10 are subject to such experiences. During this period, neuroses may appear, psychosomatic diseases, nightmares. While such children cannot find ways of emotional relief, they trust their parents, seek protection and help from them. And in response they receive: “You are still small!”. But precisely because he is small, you need to help him adapt to a new situation. Adults need to learn to behave like adults, and sometimes they behave from the position of a child. In the critical stressful situation I want a different emotional level, I want to get away from the problem. And parents, not suspecting it, shift part of their experiences onto the shoulders of the child. But such a burden is too much for him. He wants to throw off this negativity, and he chooses a variety of methods. And the emotional "ping-pong" of the child with the adult begins. Only the parents themselves can stop this game by accepting the situation, understanding own child and stop expecting unconditional love from him.

Parting with a loved one is an ordeal. But everyone endures it differently: someone is able to take it calmly, pulling himself together, but for someone such an event is a tragedy, which is very difficult to cope with.

Instruction

When the first difficult moments have already been experienced, allow yourself to relax. Go on vacation or spend the weekend in pleasant company. Mentally tune in to the fact that a new wonderful life awaits you. And, perhaps, other feelings will appear in it, stronger and more reliable.

What is a young dad to do?

So, what can a young dad do from the first days of the baby's birth?

While the child and wife are still in the hospital, you need to prepare housing for the arrival of a new family member. There are times when a crib and other accessories are bought during pregnancy. But often it is the father who buys and disposes of such things. The future comfort of the baby depends on your imagination. In addition, if you have a pet, it is better to either isolate it, or even give it to parents or friends for a while. It’s not worth risking the health of a small one, and the hair and excretions of cats, dogs and other animals can cause serious allergies. Gradually, with the development of the child, you will have to ensure that all dangerous (stabbing, cutting, small) objects are in places where the child cannot definitely reach. And this is not to mention medicines or any other means: from soap to an aerosol for wiping machine glasses.
Take care of the execution of all documents for the child: birth certificates, metrics, registration, documentation for obtaining government payments. So important matter there is no one else to do except you: the young mother is definitely not up to it.
If possible, go on vacation for a few weeks. So you can be close to your wife at a time when she simply needs you. Although it seems that she is doing well, it is actually much more difficult for her than for you. And your presence, physical and moral support will be a real salvation for your wife.
Try to take over some household chores: take out the trash, wash the dishes, do the cleaning. These actions will not be in vain, your beloved will definitely appreciate them.
Do not forget that contact with the baby needs to be established from the first days of your life together. So help bathe him: heat the water, prepare a towel and cosmetical tools, and together with his wife try to wash the child. Over time, you will be able to do this on your own.

What to do to a young dad and how to behave with a child,
your beloved wife will tell you with all the details.
The main thing is your readiness and desire to help.