How easier it is to survive the betrayal of a husband and divorce, if you still love or have a child: advice from a psychologist in different situations. How to survive a divorce with your husband: tips and typical mistakes

Divorce is always parting with a loved one or once dear person. Some women come out of this painful situation with mental and mental trauma, while others suffer from physical illnesses. This is a test of strength and endurance. Those who are thinking about how to survive a divorce from their husband are already halfway to the gates of new life. It is very important to accept yourself and come to terms with the fact that a new streak has begun in life. You should not go back to the old, you need to survive it. It is necessary to understand that the door is closed and will never open again. The separation must be completed. Do not be afraid to be alone and survive the tragedy with dignity.

Divorce is the collapse of plans for further life together, loss of hope for the future and loss of trust. And trust is what family relationships are based on. Often the reason for divorce is betrayal by the husband, his betrayal, which is difficult to survive and forgive. Women in such a traumatic situation face many issues that will have to be addressed in the future. If the divorce has not officially come, they are tormented by thoughts about how to save marriage with her husband, how to protect children from getting psychological trauma, how to continue living alone, how to behave with men and whether it is worth entering into a new relationship.

How the breakup goes depends only on the woman. You can survive a divorce with your husband with less loss for yourself. Having passed a difficult test, you will become stronger and better: the struggle for a new life will temper your character. Perhaps in the future you will thank your husband for leaving you.

Psychological stages of divorce

What does a woman who is in the position of a divorcee feel? It is interesting that psychologists compare the feelings of a woman after a divorce with the feelings experienced when a loved one is lost or died. But everything can be experienced.

First stage

At first, the psyche of women gives a defensive reaction. The brain is in a daze. So it is easier for the body to adapt to changes, to survive them. Others may take this state for indifference and indifference. But it's not.

Behind external composure hides deep stress and the inability to fully understand what is happening and survive the process of divorce from her husband. It is the body's natural defense against mental pain. That is why many women are so drawn to a divorce: by any means they try to avoid breaking off relations with their husbands. In the meantime, resentment, tears and distrust accumulate and accumulate.

A woman's denial of what is happening has the effect of anesthesia. The purpose of this psychological moment is to realize the loss important person In my life. Much later comes the understanding of the situation. A woman comes face to face with real events that have already happened, and nothing can change. It remains only to accept and experience them.

Second phase

Characterized by the manifestation of such feelings as resentment and anger. A woman will remember the events that led to the divorce, scroll through them in her memory and suffer. She will start looking for answers to many questions, trying to understand how this could happen. The feelings of anger and resentment that have arisen will be directly directed towards the ex-husband and those who are indirectly involved in this. For example, for a mistress, if there was one, for children, parents, girlfriends.

A woman will try with all her might to find the culprit in her troubles. It will seem to her that it is easier to survive the break with her husband. But this will not lead to anything good. On the contrary, experiencing feelings of anger, discontent, anger towards your close relatives, especially children who are definitely not to blame, can completely ruin your relationship with them. But in vain. Indeed, during this period, the support of relatives and friends has great importance. Thanks to them, it will be easier for a woman to survive the process of divorce from her husband. The main thing is that relatives understand that her behavior is defensive reaction organism. Accumulating resentment, being offended and looking for the guilty is much easier than seeing your helplessness.

Third stage

The next step is the test of guilt. A woman can convince herself that if her behavior had been different, then there might not have been a divorce. A woman will definitely find flaws in herself, she will scold herself for the wrong attitude towards her husband. In the end, he will make himself completely guilty of the breakup. This is true even in cases where the husband himself committed betrayal, left his wife and left.

There is no point in these thoughts and torments. It will not be easier to survive a divorce in this case. You can't turn back time. It is necessary to go further, to draw conclusions. At this stage, you can bring your condition to deplorable. Therefore, if the case becomes difficult, it is better to agree to the help of psychologists, listen to their advice and recommendations.

Fourth stage

This stage of divorce is no less difficult than the previous one. Stage - depression. Parting with her husband becomes so painful that heartache from the experience can develop into the physical. This normal condition woman who collapsed in family life. A natural reaction to the loss of a loved one that anyone can experience. But depression, stretching for years, requires the intervention of psychologists. At this point, the state may be different:

some may cry all the time;
others will outwardly behave calmly, but inwardly deeply experience parting.

During this period, the woman will be all possible ways trying to keep in touch with each other ex-husband. Perhaps it will prove love for him. By this behavior, she postpones the beginning of a new life, does not allow herself to recover and survive the separation from her husband.

Therefore, if you are at this stage of a divorce and express your emotions in the way described above, then this is considered absolutely normal. We must always remember that if depression is prolonged, then you may not know how to become happy after a divorce. for a long time. How to live and enjoy further? How to survive a divorce, despite the fact that your husband left you, having committed a betrayal?

Remember, when one door closes, another opens. The main thing is to survive and let go of the situation.

Fifth and final stage

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It is an emotional acceptance of loss. The woman gets better. She is trying to start a new life, survive and forget the divorce. Looking for advantages in parting with her husband. Being alone is not so scary. Her main goal is to recover from the past negative emotions. The woman received valuable experience as a guide to action in the future.

Pregnancy and divorce

It is not easy to endure a divorce with a husband, but to survive it while pregnant is a hundred times more difficult. The woman will have to pull herself together and find ways to survive. The first thing to do is to forbid yourself to think about abortion. Human life priceless. She cannot become the subject of revenge on her husband.

The child is not to blame for what happened. Moreover, abortion will not guarantee that it will become easier to survive the gap. Rather, on the contrary, it will lead directly to a prolonged depression, and you will regret your deed for a long time. You can't have an abortion. This must be remembered.

The child will change the life of a woman after a divorce. He will give her new meaning. It will help you get through what happened. Therefore, it is very important that all your actions during pregnancy are aimed at maintaining the health of the baby. You must act in the best interests of the child. A divorce will pass, but you will not be left alone, your child will become the answer to the question of how to survive a divorce during pregnancy. Treat it like a precious gift.

But this is all theory, practice is important. What to do to survive this difficult moment:

accept help from loved ones, their advice. It is imperative to find someone who will listen and give useful advice how to survive a divorce. It will be easier if someone hears you;
do not stay alone in the apartment, do not withdraw into yourself. If you have a hobby, take it up. If you do not know how to sew, knit or crochet, this is beautiful time in order to learn how to do it. Make time for fun and positive activities.
learn all available information about childbirth, advice on caring for a newborn, read books on child psychology. This will distract from unnecessary thoughts about divorce and husband, and will simply be a useful pastime;
you should not always turn to the past, remember betrayal. The past is the past. Tune in to the fact that only good things await you ahead. Thoughts are material.

Imagine how you will live with your baby, how you will spend time. So he took the first step, said the first word "mom". These moments are wonderful. They will definitely come true in your life. Tests are given so that we can adequately survive them.

Quick marriage after divorce

Many women feel that new novel save them from loneliness, it will become easier for them in a new relationship, this is the so-called ambulance after divorcing her husband. The depression will go away. Time will be busy. It will not be necessary to stay alone in the apartment for a long time. Women hope that with a new man it will be easier to go through the process of divorce from her husband. But this approach is wrong. Don't do it new error when the old one was not yet able to survive and let go. A new relationship will not come to the rescue and will not help you easily forget your ex-husband.

Women tend to quickly enter into a new relationship when their husband left them, went to his mistress, committed a betrayal. They want to annoy their ex-husband more than to build a family and survive a divorce. To start life anew, it is not necessary to immediately attract a partner. We must wait until the depression goes away, stabilizes state of mind.

If you plunge headlong into a new romance, you will constantly compare your partner with your ex-husband. You don't need to do this. Yes, and comparisons may not be in favor of new relationships.

"Therapy" with alcohol

No one has yet been able to survive the process of divorce with her husband easily and painlessly - this is understandable. You are not the only one who has experienced similar feelings of loss and disappointment. Left alone in an apartment, you will not find help in alcohol. With alcohol it will not become easier, but it will only make it worse to survive what is happening.

Alcohol will not be the answer to the question of how to forget your husband after a divorce and live happily ever after. If the state of depression has not passed, then it will not help you behave with dignity, but will only aggravate the situation.

Euphoria after taking a large dose of alcohol quickly passes. The next morning, the same feelings that were before will return. They return not alone, but with a hangover. Further it will be worse. Psychological trauma will increase, and the help of psychologists will be needed. Jokes with alcohol are bad. You can sleep, become an alcoholic. Nobody is immune from this. Then you won’t get a new life, you will have to be treated for alcoholism.

Start of a new life

An ex-spouse after a divorce is associated with the word betrayal. He abandoned you. You have suffered the betrayal of a loved one. You were assisted by a psychologist. You certainly have a psychological trauma - a not very joyful reason to take steps and start building your life alone. But you can’t close yourself off from everyone in the apartment and continue to blame yourself for past mistakes.

Life does not stand still. She changes and you change with her. You can’t dwell on the past, otherwise you may not know how to become happy after a divorce from your husband to the fullest.

In all the events that happen to you, you need to look for positive sides. Help to recover interesting hobbies and hobbies, watching movies, reading books. Over time, it will become easier, depression will go away. Everything will not be painless, but life goes on after a divorce from her husband. Accept the help of loved ones, listen to their advice.

You should not sit all day in an apartment alone: relive your husband's betrayal again and again. Go out into the street to people, do not withdraw into yourself, communicate and enjoy communication. And you will be able to survive the divorce!

You may want to return your other half after listening to incompetent advice. And this despite the insults caused to you, betrayal, betrayal, humiliation, and, maybe, beatings. You think when you love, you forgive everything easily, even cheating on your husband. Emotions speak in you, you don’t need to follow their lead. Try to bide your time. Wait six months. You will see, this desire will pass.

It is important not to sit idle: start repairs in the apartment, rearrange. Or maybe you will find yourself in charity, you will help orphanages. Mercy will help to recover and survive the betrayal of her husband.

Women should take care of themselves in this free time. Improve your appearance or change it. It can lose weight, recolor hair color, change the image - this must be done. External changes lead to internal changes. Your transformation will be appreciated by others. And raising the level of self-esteem is a very important argument in order to adequately survive the gap.

Do not tell all the neighbors who know that depression covered you, about your husband's betrayal, how hard it is for you, how he left you. They will pity you, console you. You don't need pity. It will not make it easier to survive a divorce. Need support, help, advice, which will be directed to right direction the flow of your thoughts.

It will be easy to survive the betrayal of your husband if you delete this person from your life once and for all. Remember: everything will come, but not immediately, time must pass, it is the most the best medicine in such cases.

Attention! In connection with latest changes in the legislation Legal information This article might be out of date! Our lawyer can advise you free of charge - write a question in the form below:

What are the reasons for divorce? Divorce or keep the family? How to survive a divorce?

Husband left. The wife left. Surviving a divorce is much harder than parting with a person with whom only love connected. Divorce is a collapse of plans, trust in oneself close person. Often this is a betrayal, treason. Divorce is the hardest test for self-confidence. Many difficult questions arise. Divorce or go to any lengths to save the family? If there are children, how to reduce the damage to them, how to bring them up as harmonious people? How to establish a bachelor (unmarried) life after a divorce? How to overcome the consequences of divorce and mature for a new relationship?

habit of suffering

Difficulties, dead ends, uncertainty are a normal, natural part of life. In general, the expectation that is present somewhere in the depths of the soul that life should be easy and comfortable is a big delusion that will constantly disappoint as it does not correspond to reality ...

The door closed and there was silence. He took with him not only shirts and toothbrush. He took away happiness (of which there should still be so much!), and air, and the ability to smile and speak.

“That's all, that's all” - knocks in my head, and I don’t want anything else: neither to live, nor to move, nor to love.

desert of loneliness- this is most often said about the first days after the divorce of women, from whom their husbands left. It seems that life is over. Suffocates resentment, hatred. Very painful, very sad. How to deal with the situation? How to survive a divorce with your husband?

First of all, you need to understand: what is happening now is completely natural. This is a time of crisis, but one day it will end. And psychologists have long compiled a list of tips for just such a case. And they are worth listening to.

What you need to do to survive a divorce from your husband

So life has changed forever. This must be acknowledged and moved on. He is no more, and this bitter truth will have to be accepted. It's time to take responsibility for your life own hands. No one has the right to deprive a person happy life given by God. Especially the one who yesterday was the closest person and once took responsibility for creating a family.

Why does it hurt so much when a family breaks up? Where does this impotence, weakness, shaking hands and unwillingness to live come from? The answer actually lies on the surface. Life is energy. Everything that surrounds us is permeated with it. Love is the energy of happiness, joy, harmony. In the family, next to loving man, a woman eats this spiritual food every day.

After a divorce, a constant influx of positive energy disappears along with its source, and a period of painful weaning begins. It can be compared, strange as it may sound, with breaking. Weaning is very hard. If you do nothing, let the process take its course, do not try to find new source positive energy, you can sink to the bottom deepest depression. And this is fraught with the most sad consequences.

So, this is the plan.

Find the good in the situation. It is better (for greater clarity) to do this on paper. Take and write everything positive points that gives divorce. You should look for the pros diligently, without missing anything: you don’t have to cook dinner every day (plus the figure!), ask for coffee with your girlfriends, sort men’s socks in pairs, hang towels by color or size, etc.

Get rid of negativity. All methods are good, including beating pillows and shouting dirty curses in the face of unanswered mezzanines. Psychologists advise writing down your grievances on pieces of paper and saying them out loud using the formula “I am offended by the fact that ... I feel towards him ...”. You can find the book "Radical Forgiveness" and work with the questionnaire given there. Better yet, meet your ex-husband, you can even arm in arm with a new passion, and calmly express all your claims and feelings to his face. This will draw a logical line under the relationship.

Great option- exercise stress. This is where you can throw out all the dirt and pain recent months for the benefit of mental and physical health! Yoga, treadmill, water aerobics or parachuting - all this great way get rid of negativity and get through a divorce with your husband faster.

Set a goal for yourself: to return your life to normal. Seek every opportunity to feel at least an echo of joy. Meet friends, walk more, watch positive films, read good books find a new hobby or revive an old one.

Analyze what happened. This can be done only after the first pain subsides. The main thing is not to blame anyone, to take responsibility for your life on yourself. Neither he nor you are to blame. So it happened. But what can be done to prevent the situation from repeating itself in the future?

Start moving towards the future. This is a logical step after the reasons for the divorce have been analyzed. I need to say to myself: yes, now I feel bad, it seems that my life is over, but there was a time when I thought the same way. Most likely, there have already been situations in life with difficult thoughts and feelings, but time has passed, and now the attitude to those past problems is completely different. Divorce will be the same.

Act like the whole world exists for you. Take care of yourself, deny yourself nothing, reduce the degree of responsibility for others, allow yourself to put your interests above the desires of children, parents or anyone else.

Pamper and love yourself. shopping, new hairstyle, a spa, a good masseuse - that's what you need to restore the lost harmony. In the end, pleasant bodily sensations and well-groomed appearance give the same positive energy. This is exactly what you need to survive a divorce from your husband.

If depression persists despite all efforts to end it, seek medical advice. professional help. A girlfriend as a vest is good, but sometimes this is not enough. Psychologist knows how to survive a divorce from her husband, and is needed just like a surgeon or dentist.

And the last. It is necessary to remove from sight everything that reminds of the ex-husband and the departed happiness. Photo frames, joint cute purchases, postcards, notes, CDs with "your" music - all this has a place in the country, in cardboard box or an old suitcase. You can't just throw away anything under the influence of emotions. The time will come, pain and resentment will go away, and the material memories hidden for the time being will still come in handy.

What not to do to survive a divorce from her husband

Can't hide negative feelings from herself. From others - as much as you like! Keeping a face and all that is great, but deep down, every abandoned woman feels anger, despair, resentment. And he has every right to do so! Another thing is that you need to get rid of such negativity, otherwise you can get an answer in the form of total troubles and serious illnesses.

What else can not be done to survive a divorce from her husband?

You cannot engage in self-digging.“Why and how everything happened”, “what would have happened if I had acted differently then” - all these are empty thoughts, extra garbage in my head. What happened has already happened, and chewing this sticky gum is pointless.

You can't lock yourself in four walls. You can grieve alone for a day, two, no more. Then you need to “go out to people”, no matter how difficult it is.

You can't stop yourself from being weak. Now everything is possible! Crying on the shoulder of a friend or a plane neighbor is wonderful and natural! Emotions need to be lived and splashed out. And who was next - "I'm not to blame."

You can not completely immerse yourself in work, hoping to forget. Nothing will work, but you can become a neurotic in three seconds. Permanent fatigue not only does not paint a woman, it also loosens an already stressed woman. nervous system. So at least - no processing, as a maximum - rest in the company best friend or proud loneliness. But you don't need to take your child with you. He will not let you relax, and that is exactly what is needed now.

You can't blame yourself for everything. The most unproductive and fraught with prolonged depression path that will not help you survive a divorce from your husband. Take it as an axiom: no one owes anything to anyone.

You can not dutifully listen to critical remarks in your address from anyone. Parents, relatives, neighbors, girlfriends who allow themselves even a word about your guilt in the collapse of the marriage should be immediately put in their place. Most often, criticism is expressed in two uncomplicated phrases “Children left without a father” and “A husband will not leave a good wife.” You need to react to such words with an icy expression on your face, emphasized coldness and a direct verbal ban on discussing the topic of divorce.

You can not drag yourself into the "continuation of the banquet." If someone begins to tell with pleasure how happy the ex-husband is in a new marriage, how good he looks, etc., the relationship with this person must be immediately terminated. It's typical energetic vampire from which you need to get rid of.

Why you can’t take revenge in order to survive a divorce from your husband

Thoughts of revenge may haunt after a divorce, but they should not be given free rein. Sometimes the pain is so strong that you want to inflict it on the once loved person. So that he, too, would be hurt, so that he could feel everything that an abandoned woman feels.

Make his life hell? Methods for this are usually chosen unseemly. To disgrace in the eyes of acquaintances and friends, to talk about everything on the social network, to stoop to gossip - all this, of course, can be done. The only question is how much it will help and how it will affect the reputation.

Speaking nasty things about her ex-husband, a woman simultaneously beats and humiliates herself. Savoring with pleasure his shortcomings, blunders, telling intimate details or disgustingly speaking about his current situation, ex-wife rather cause pity and contempt for himself, rather than take revenge and harm him.

Negative experiences that actually need to be driven away from oneself, supported by specific and very unseemly actions, will not allow one to get rid of the past. The nightmare will continue, destroying the soul, increasing stress, preventing a new life from starting.

Let go and forgive is the only way out. Only this will help to survive the divorce with her husband with the least loss.

How to survive a divorce with your husband if you have a common child

If the ex-husband left behind not only the silence of loneliness, but also a child, it will be both easier and more difficult to cope with the situation. It’s easier because caring for children will not allow you to freeze in complete inactivity, disconnect from the outside world and lose touch with reality. It’s more difficult, because you have to somehow explain everything to the baby. The problems of the adult world can hit him hard.

How to survive a divorce with a husband if there is a child?

In no case do not lie. A child, even a small one, must know the truth. A much healthier option for the child's psyche would be to tell in a language accessible to the baby why dad no longer lives with him. You just can't make up stories. The truth will sooner or later be revealed, and this will further undermine the child's trust in the world of adults.

It is strictly forbidden to keep silent about what happened, to cut off children's questions, to forbid the child to pronounce the name of the father. Otherwise, a person will grow up with a gigantic sense of guilt and numerous complexes. Perfect option- if you explain the situation to the baby, the parents will be together. It is absolutely necessary to do this for the sake of the child.

Under no circumstances should you be allowed to communicate with your father. The kid should feel the love and care of both parents, then the fact of their separation will not cause great harm to the psyche.

But take care of your mental state during the meetings of the child with the father, it is necessary in advance. You need to give yourself a clear setting: this is not an ex-husband, but the father of the baby. No hopes, unrealizable reunion pictures and other romantic nonsense! If a couple is destined to get back together, then so be it. But blackmailing a man with his love for a child, trying to somehow influence the situation in his favor is not worth it.

Talking nasty things about your husband in the presence of a child is unacceptable. Trying to turn him against the pope is disgusting and low. The mental health of a toddler or teenager, no matter if irreparable harm. The child, no matter what happens between the parents, must be sure that he is loved and accepted by both - both mother and father.

Why you shouldn't start an affair immediately after a divorce from your husband

The most common mistake after a divorce is to suddenly jump out into marriage. I especially want to do this if the husband left for a reason, but to another woman, and even married her. Such "revenge" will not lead to anything good. And you will spoil the life of another, innocent person, and you will not find happiness for yourself.

A common story: in order to survive a divorce from her husband, a woman finds a replacement for him. Does it urgently, thoughtlessly, often without any choice. A series of short-term novels begins, which do not help at all, bring only disappointment and guilt. Stress does not go away, but only increases.

The fact is that until the pain is gone, it is pointless to hide it behind a new relationship. This will not help to forget what happened, but the feelings will initially be built on a comparison of the chosen one with the ex-husband. Of course, they will not be long-term or happy. It takes time to recover, calm down, accept the loss. Acting in a state of nervous excitement, you can do a lot of stupid things, for which you will be ashamed later.

Everything will still be fine. Has your ex remarried or is going to? Wonderful!

Tell yourself: better - find; worse - find; and one like me will never be found!

This is a secret mantra that will help you let go of resentment and boost self-esteem.

How to survive a divorce with your husband? Forgive and let go in peace. Negative emotions need to be replaced with positive ones, sources should be found new energy joy. And gradually the gray world around will acquire colors again, it will be possible to breathe easily and move forward - to happiness and new love.

In the life of any married couple, sooner or later comes difficult period when the relationship starts to break down. Former passion goes out, love disappears, and spouses begin to quarrel more often. Once, standing in front of the altar, they swore to each other in eternal love and now they can't be around. But how to understand whether it's time to get a divorce, or in your married life- just a temporary crisis? Collapsing relationships - evidence that it's time to think about divorce. However, you should not rush into making a decision, because if you hurry, you can make a mistake.

How to understand yourself and understand that it's time to leave

Quarrels and omissions are not always a signal that you need to get divorced. There are no people in the world who would not have problems in relations with their soulmate in marriage. All families face challenges. Some couples go through a relationship crisis, while others decide to divorce.

If you were in similar situation, then ask yourself a few questions that will help you understand whether you really need to break the bonds of marriage or just a black streak has come in life:

“Do I want a child to be born in our family?” Any woman who loves her husband wants children from him. This is true for men as well. If you do not want to have children, then next to you is unloved person. In such situation right decision there will be a divorce.

“How will my life change if I part with my spouse (husband)?” As you ask yourself this question, imagine that you have decided on a divorce and finally found the freedom you dreamed of. Did you feel relieved, or do you regret what you did?

“Do I want to live with my husband (wife) all my life?” Now imagine yourself and your soulmate after 10, 20, 30 years of marriage. Do you really want to be close to this person and meet old age with him?

How to Know When It's Time to Divorce Your Husband

For many women, divorce is an extremely painful situation. Not everyone can decide on such a responsible step. Some women are afraid of loneliness, the second think that they will not be able to cope with raising children and will not be able to do without material support husband, and others still have some feelings, despite the fact that their life has become a nightmare.

It is worth breaking up with your spouse if there are good reasons for this. Sometimes divorce is the only way for a woman to save her psychological and physical health. So, good reason to parting are:

causeless cruelty on the part of a man, physical violence;
unwillingness of the husband to work and provide for the family;
the presence of drugs or alcohol addiction in a man;
disrespectful attitude towards the spouse (constant insults to the woman, humiliation);
cheating husband.

If you have one of the above reasons for a divorce, then do not put off the matter indefinitely. Don't try to change your spouse. You are just wasting your time. Better get divorced quick and start life with clean slate. You will certainly meet such a person who will appreciate, respect, love you and will do everything to make you happy.

How to Know When It's Time to Divorce Your Once Beloved Wife

Many people think that love does not pass for the fair sex. They are more committed to their partner. However, women can fall out of love. You should think about a divorce if the wife has changed far from the better:

she stopped being happy delicious meals, does not try to look attractive, dresses up only for walks and meetings with friends that he does not invite you to;
she has no desire to talk to you, she does not call you at work, does not send SMS messages and is no longer interested in your affairs;
the slightest fault on your part causes her a storm of negative emotions, when talking with you, she becomes simply unbearable.

Pushes for divorce and coldness on the part of a woman in sexual relations. If the spouse sleeps separately in another room, then this may be a sign of fading love and a collapsing relationship. However, in such cases, it is not worth rushing into a divorce. You need to talk to your wife, because she may have some problems that she hides from you.

Universal signs that it's time to file for divorce

If you and your spouse have been living for many years, constantly swearing over various trifles, do not find mutual language then think about breaking up. Take a look at your relationships. You will surely notice the signs that it is time to divorce:

your love has long faded away, and you tolerate each other only for the sake of children;
you do not get divorced because you are afraid of condemnation and reproaches from relatives, friends and acquaintances;
you are missing common interests, you began to communicate less with each other;
you do nothing for the family, spend personal money only for your own needs.

When deciding on a divorce, consider inner voice, sort out your feelings. If you feel emptiness in your heart and you don’t see yourself next to your spouse (wife) in the future, then this means that it’s time to leave. This decision will benefit both of you.

A few more tips from a psychologist:

Walking down the aisle in a white dress and putting a ring on the hand of a loved one, no woman even close admits the thought of divorce. After all, there are so many hopes, plans and desires ahead. But dramas happen, and, alas, not so rarely. divorce proceedings almost always it is painful and difficult for both spouses, regardless of which of them was the initiator. It's even more complicated when there are children. What to do if you find yourself in such a situation? How to endure the breakup of a family less tragically and live on? What to say to the child and how not to hurt him? What advice do psychologists give? We will talk about this and many other things in the article.

When there are children

Regardless of who initiated the breakup, the first thing to do is take care of the children, especially when they are small. No matter how painful, insulting and difficult, it is necessary to do the maximum so that for the baby such changes in life go as smoothly as possible.

What Not to Do

A big mistake that some wives make is trying to save the family and keep the husband just for the sake of the child, so as not to grow up without a father. But psychologists say it will do much more harm than good.

Babies are very sensitive and you can't fool them. When feelings have cooled between spouses, there is no mutual understanding, respect, trust - the child will see it. And where in the house occur frequent scandals in front of him, this will negatively affect the psyche of the baby.

A person will not grow up happy and mentally healthy in such an environment. Therefore, one should not try to save a marriage only for the sake of children. It will be much more correct to divorce and give yourself a chance in the future to create more harmonious union to file the heirs really correct and best example what a family should be.

Even if a woman does not seek to marry a second time, but allows herself to live happily without a husband, it will be much better for a child than growing up in an atmosphere where everything is feigned and strained.

How to proceed

Explain. Even when the baby is very small, in any case, be sure to talk to him. Explain that sometimes in life this happens, people disperse. And it's not as bad as it might seem. Talk to your child like an adult, he understands more than you used to think. The most important thing is to give the baby the confidence that mom and dad will continue to love and care for him, even living apart.
Don't scold your husband. If you consider your husband to be guilty of a divorce, hold a grudge or anger at him, do not show this to your offspring, do not insult your spouse in front of him. Do not humiliate the father of your children. Remember the time when you loved this person and agreed to give birth from him. For a child, a father is an unconditional example. And if he begins to consider his dad a scoundrel, bad, unworthy, then this complex runs the risk of passing to him. Complexes, uncertainty, isolation, bitterness will develop. Try to do what is necessary so that a good relationship is maintained between the children and their father.
Don't stop seeing. Situations are different, and whatever the father, do not interfere with his desire for a son / daughter. He has every right to do this, as well as to give care, help, support.

In no case do not sort things out in front of the kids. Do it in their absence or for closed doors. And remember - scandals bring nothing but stress and damaged nerves. Even the most difficult conflicts can always be resolved through conversations and negotiations in peaceful tones. Surviving a breakup is easier when two people can do without screaming.

You have to live on no matter what. Daughter or son will never interfere with your personal relationships. You get a chance to meet another person, and if he loves you, he will definitely accept your blood. Do not deprive yourself of the opportunity to become truly happy and do not try to glue together what has shattered into small pieces.

Divorce during pregnancy

It also happens that a disagreement in a relationship happens when a woman is waiting for replenishment. And even this situation does not always contribute to the preservation of the family. How to live on if the husband leaves, leaving his wife pregnant?

The health of the unborn baby should be the highest priority for the mother at the time of pregnancy. Just can't be allowed nervous breakdowns and strong feelings, being "in position".

Not every wife calmly decides to let go of a man when she expects a crumb from him, but also to keep her husband, manipulating this fact - big mistake. When a man decides to leave, he will leave anyway, and there is no point in postponing this time.

Shift your focus to taking care of little man which is in the womb. Having been born, the baby will not let you feel lonely. One smile of such a miracle will give you so much happiness that any problems will fade against this background. Try to resolve the conflict as calmly as possible, do not let yourself strong feelings, the unborn baby will begin to feel it and also react with anxiety. Pregnancy is a responsibility. And you just have to become more courageous and strong. A small defenseless baby really needs a mother, and nothing can be more important! No man is worth sacrificing the health of his child.

Do not think that with the advent of a child, your personal life will end. You will become a mother, but at the same time you will remain a woman, moreover, free. Of course, in the first few months, the baby is likely to completely occupy your attention. But when he grows up a little, do not deny yourself the opportunity to build a new personal life. Often, women manage to successfully marry with two or even three children. The main thing is to believe that you are worthy of happiness.

When divorce is good

It happens when a wife wants to decide on a divorce because of the unbearable behavior of her husband. But thoughts about children stop and cast doubts. Is it worth keeping a family when a man behaves in an extremely inappropriate way and deprives loved ones of peace and well-being? What the advice of psychologists say, consider below.

Husband is an alcoholic

Alcoholism is a disease and nothing else. When a man does not want to be treated and continues to abuse alcohol, serious trials fall to the lot of his wife. First, a drunk person can be aggressive and dangerous. Secondly, he may remain unemployed due to addiction, squandering family finances, and thirdly, this is a disgusting example for children. Even the most strong love"will die" very soon if the husband suffers from alcoholism.

Often a woman says: “I want to, but I can’t decide on a divorce, because we have children.” And, on the one hand, this is understandable. But on the other hand, in what atmosphere do they grow up, what examples do they see from their father?

What to do?

Get your priorities right. If you want to save a family because of children, consider what good they get by living with a drinker. There is a possibility that, as adults, they will follow a bad example. In addition, in homes where the husband is an alcoholic, scandals, quarrels and even fights occur quite often. By protecting children from such situations, you will contribute to their mental health. No need to endure a sick addict who does not want to recover, just for the sake of the children. You better not make them with this approach.
Recognize your husband's illness. Drop all emotions and feelings and face the truth. The person is sick and that's a fact. Or treatment, or only aggravation of the situation - these are two possible options development. There is no third, no matter what illusions you entertain yourself with. Sometimes a wife tries to give her husband more attention and care, or even decides to give birth again, in the hope that he will stop drinking. But changes in best case temporary, at worst - they do not exist at all. Accept this truth.
Let go of fears and doubts. Having decided on a divorce, do not succumb to your own pity, doubts, persuasion of your husband. You understand that it will be better for you, do not be afraid of anything. Understand that a person can change only when he really wants to. And you are not able to help if he does not have such a desire. Therefore, down with all doubts. No more strength tolerate a drunkard - leave him without regrets.

Another trouble that overtakes some families is a tyrant man. This is the type of people who want to have complete power over their loved ones. They are extremely picky about their wives, often beat them, do not give them any freedom, constantly suspect them of infidelity, and limit their finances. Aggressive and too strict towards children. They demand complete submission both from the wife and from their own children. Life for a wife in such an atmosphere becomes a living hell.

What to do?

First of all, recognize that this is also a kind of disease. And to be more precise, tyrants are people who received severe psychological trauma in childhood. Perhaps they were bullied by their parents or someone close to them. We will not go deep into details, as there are a lot of reasons. But the fact remains that human consciousness is distorted.

Only a competent specialist can help correct and work out your past. But the trouble is that such people, for the most part, do not recognize their problem. And, of course, they don’t even want to hear anything about the fact that they need help.

For a woman living in such a marriage, there is only one way out - divorce. Usually it is very difficult in the case of tyrants. But continuing to live with aggressive man, the wife exposes the children to exactly the same psychological trauma. Staying with the father, to whom there is nothing but fear, the child will not grow up a healthy and harmonious personality. And the task of the mother is to protect her children from the negative impact.

Ways to get over a breakup

Whatever the reason for the breakup of the family, you need to live on. And psychologists give a lot actionable advice how to ease this difficult period.

Children are the best incentive. If after the breakup of the marriage, the children stayed with you, then you will not be so lonely. After all, there is someone to live for, where to strive, for whom to be an example. Despite all the tragedy, practice shows that mothers endure the breakup of the union much easier than women who do not have children.
Analyze the relationship objectively. Try to look at your former relationship. Surely they both made mistakes. Perhaps, indeed, they simply did not agree on the characters. So is it worth killing yourself over it? He's just not your man, let him go in peace. You will definitely meet yours.
If it is very difficult, visit a psychologist. The soul also needs doctors, just like the body. When the soul is very painful, do not suffer, consult a specialist. This will help you get through the drama of life faster, but it will also allow you to look at things with different eyes. former marriage. good doctor is able not only to provide significant assistance, but also to set you up for a new life, where everything is ahead and is just beginning.
Be around people more often. Don't get locked up. Communicate more with loved ones, walk, attend events. Do not try to complain about your situation at the same time, this will not make it easier for anyone. Just enjoy the company of friends and people dear to you. Their closeness will make you feel that you are not alone.
Allow yourself "pleasures". Visit a beauty salon, buy new things, go to a cafe with your friends, do something that gives you joy. Dedicate time to your favorite activities, hobbies, or any other things that can distract you.
Set new goals. Life is going further and divorce is not the end of existence. No matter how difficult it is, find the strength in yourself to set new goals, plans, do not be afraid to dream. When there is something to strive for, all bad things pass faster.
Don't hold onto negative emotions. Do not accumulate anger, do not harbor resentment. Painful? Let off steam! Shout, bang your fists on the pillows, break a few plates, in a word, do something that will help your negativity to escape. You will feel relieved.

Happiness is independent and unconditional. It is in everything: in children's smiles, in close people, in small joys, in the blue sky, in a cup of coffee and a ray of light. Joy is everywhere, not just in marriage. And you will be so happy woman as far as you allow yourself to be, regardless of the circumstances. Time, it heals everything.