My husband doesn't want to do anything. The husband has cooled off to his wife: what could be the reason? Ways out of the situation

If a beloved man began to regularly refuse you intimacy - this is a problem. And the sooner you start solving it, the less consequences she will bring with her. Do not rush to put an end to relationships. This article will help you understand why a man does not want sex and how to change it.

It is generally accepted that men, like animals, are ready anytime, anywhere and however you like. And women keep slacking off: sometimes a headache, sometimes critical days, but in fact they are trying to understand why they don’t want their own husband. But today's realities have turned everything upside down. Women have realized their sexuality and are ready to regularly throw firewood on the fire of family life. Enjoying orgasms and wanting sex is no longer a shame. And still no connection. For most mature men sex is no longer in the first place, and even not in the second.

Such a problem rarely occurs at the beginning of a relationship, but years life together make their own adjustments in bed. It is no longer a shock to anyone that a husband does not want a wife. Consider the main reasons why a man no longer wants sex.

5 reasons why you shouldn't have sex

workaholism

In the yard of the 21st century, the pace of life seems to have accelerated to the limit. The level of income is now proportional to the time and effort spent. Trying to earn as much as possible more money, men disappear at work. There are more working hours in the day, and add to this stress, poor nutrition, overwork, traffic jams. And so from day to day.

The situation is even more difficult for the owners of their own business, when a man has an enormous responsibility for the result, for the employees, and you have to keep a lot in mind. After such a busy day, the male body is exhausted and exhausted. I want to fall into bed as soon as possible and sleep. And in the morning all over again. I don’t even have the strength to think about sex, let alone do it. What if the husband does not want a wife because of work?

Solution: Vacation. To bring sex back into your family, you will have to take regular vacations. It is difficult to persuade a workaholic man to “waste a day / week / month”, but be persistent, because your harmonious relationship, physical satisfaction and health.

You don't have to fly to Bali every week. Come up with some trips to the countryside, going to the movies or visiting once a week or two. Making love in unusual places will add more more fire. Leave all gadgets, laptops and work phones at home and enjoy your vacation.

See also: How to mend a broken relationship with your mother-in-law?

Diseases

There are a number of diseases, one of the symptoms of which is a decrease in sexual desire. For example, epilepsy, diseases of the genitourinary tract, infectious diseases, vascular atherosclerosis, diseases of the endocrine organs.

But even if no such problems are found, the reason for the reluctance to have sex with a wife may be hiding in the intake of certain medicines. Basically this side effect provide antidepressants and tranquilizers. What if the husband does not want intimacy for medical reasons?

Solution: Go to the doctor. Even if your man does not want to take care of his health, persuade him to go for a consultation and hand over everything necessary tests. Fortunately, in most cases, timely treatment will never again ask what to do if the husband does not want his wife.

internet addiction

Our grandparents did not know such a disaster, but today it’s no surprise that a husband doesn’t want a wife because he constantly sits on the Internet. Checks mail, reads news, hangs in in social networks or worse, playing Online Games. It would seem that he went for 5 minutes, but an hour has already passed. The wife turned away and sleeps against the wall. You need to understand that the guy does not want sex because of his virtual addiction. What will psychology advise?

Solution: The Network Diet. Explain to the man that you, as a girl, are very offended that he does not want a relationship with you because of some kind of virtual entertainment. Talk to your loved one certain time, which both of you can devote to a laptop, tablet, phone. For example, no more than an hour every evening. Then both turn off and remove all appliances.

Even if you don’t plan to have sex every day, you can still devote the freed time to each other: play some game, just relax and chat, dream, discuss plans for the weekend, for the summer, for life.

You

And all the consequences that follow from you. Maybe you plunged headlong into motherhood, forgetting about yourself and your husband. Or in your house constant scandals and conflicts, after which there is no desire to make love. Or vice versa: you have been quiet for a long time, but smooth surface, nothing new. Scheduled sex, a solid routine. Only you are to blame for all this, and then you cry: “My husband doesn’t want me.” We wipe our tears, pull ourselves together and begin to resolve this issue.

Solution: you! Do you remember how often you compliment your loved one? But the representatives of the stronger sex do not need them at all. fewer women. Do you praise him or take everything for granted? Give your spouse more attention. Do not talk only about your problems and worries, ask about his affairs.

Be sure to take the time to take care of yourself. Meet your husband from work in beautiful, clean clothes, and not a wrinkled T-shirt with traces of children's spitting up. A man wants a well-groomed woman! Take care of your hair and skin condition. If necessary, fight excess weight. Do not forget about manicure, pedicure and depilation.

See also: What positions do men prefer in sex?

Stop nitpicking and arguing for any reason. If screams have become regular guests in your family, it is better to contact a specialist. Psychology will help you understand the causes of your discontent and eliminate them.

Gray everyday life must be diluted with bright colors. Rearrange your bedroom, buy a new one bed sheets, go to the sex shop and find something that has not been in your love games yet. Maybe lace underwear with stockings will be enough, or maybe you should take a closer look at the whip and handcuffs.

Mistress

The hardest problem on our list. It happens that a husband does not want to have sex not at all, but with his wife. But he really wants to be with the ladies on the side. But in this case, everything is solved. The first step is to understand why he wants another woman, what exactly is the reason. Then decide for yourself: are you ready to forgive, forget, take action and move on, or put you out the door?

Solution: conversation. When a third extra appears in a relationship, it is unlikely that everything will be fixed with a new set of underwear or a change of haircut. Buy a bottle of wine, sit down with your spouse at the negotiating table and talk frankly about why your family has such a situation.

Once you find the reason why the husband does not want sex, the solution should follow immediately. Don't think it's humiliating that a man should always molest himself. No, it shouldn't. Harmonious sexual relations - the same women's duty, like a home.

Another little tip. You should not say out loud "the guy does not want me" and tell your girlfriends about it. This will only add unnecessary complexes, and the problem may not be in you at all.

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bewoman.club

Why does the husband not want a wife?

Why did the husband stop wanting his wife? Until recently, everything was fine, but now he stopped having sex with her, or has sex become very rare and mostly at the initiative of a woman? This problem is not uncommon for wives who have been married for many years. What to do and what are the reasons for the decrease in attraction in a man?

Let's go through the main options.

The first one is physiological causes.

This is not so rare, especially for men over 40 and even older. Those. the man himself wants sex, but physiologically it does not work out. (not worth it)

Man's health in the realm of sex is quite fragile. I read somewhere statistics that approximately 80% of men over 45 suffer from chronic prostatitis, even if he does not feel any pain yet.

There are, of course, other diseases that often appear hidden. (Cancer of the representative gland, vein problems, etc.)

Therefore, if the husband is closer to 40 years and even older, then there is a very high probability that the reason for the sharp decrease in attraction is in the physiological sphere.

It makes sense to undergo examinations, treatment, since many diseases, if left untreated, affect not only sex, but also, in principle, health.

Some small course of treatment (rather than self-treatment) and you will forget about the problems. The main thing is not to delay, since delay affects not only the health of the husband, but also his confidence and, in principle, family life. Tomorrow send him to the urologist, let him pass the tests and will be treated. Not always and not all men are ready to go to the doctor and admit that they have some kind of problem. In this case, you, as a wife, simply need to put pressure on and force your husband to go to the doctor by almost any means, from the mildest to the toughest ultimatums and manipulations! As they say, in this case, any means are good.

The second reason is that the husband fell out of love.

And it's not a mistress, as many women sometimes think. A mistress rarely reduces a man's attraction to his wife. (Unless it is constant, with a gradual organization new family)

The thing is, I just fell in love.

And if a man does not love, then he especially does not want sex with this woman.

Here it is necessary to describe a slight exaggeration, which often occurs in women. Allegedly, in men, attraction does not depend in any way on whether he likes a woman, whether he is in love with a woman, etc. The main thing is that the member got up and then everything is on the knurled.

It's not like that at all. A man also needs to like a woman, that is, there must be at least a minimal love. (I like it outwardly, I like to talk and flirt - this is the minimum).

In fact, if a man has fallen out of love with a woman, then he may also be disgusted with sex. And he does not care at all where to “insert”, as for some reason girls sometimes think. (even if the appearance is on top)

Why fell out of love?

A question to which I will write the answer very briefly below.

How to understand that a man fell out of love? Try to answer a few questions:

Do you communicate less and less with your husband?

Even if you communicate, it is mostly about everyday problems?

Does your communication often come down to scandals? (Or more worse than scandals no longer, they were in the past. Now there is something like apathy and silence.)

During scandals, you and the man often use tricks on the verge of a foul. Can you recall his blunders that are not related to the topic of conversation, can you insult (again, not on business) and does he do the same?

Do you sleep in different rooms?

If the quarrel is one-time, then during reconciliation there can be quite normal sex.

But if constant quarrels are a manifestation of a decrease in respect for each other, a decrease in love, then by itself the attraction of a man decreases. He doesn't want a woman he dislikes or even despises. After all, this is obvious.

The appearance of a woman in this case has a rather secondary role, if at all. (In other words, the appearance of a woman can be on top)

Causes frequent quarrels may be different, but some of them are in the examples below.

The second reason is that a man wants a woman who loves him or at least feels sympathy for him. If a woman does not love him, the attraction drops.

It's also pretty obvious, in my opinion. Again, this is an obvious conclusion. If the wife, for some reason, began to respect and love her husband less, then the man's attraction to her also falls.

Let's mirror the situation, which I will do quite often in this article. if you have sexual desire to some man, but if at some point you find out that he does not like you, and he has sex with you for money, for a bet or for some other reason, how will this affect your desire ?

I think that, at a minimum, it will decrease significantly, or you will expel such an unfortunate lover altogether.

The same is true for men. If a man knows for sure that you don’t love him, don’t respect him, then why should he burn with excitement, even if he likes your body and you as a person? It is obvious that he will not “burn” or, at least, this burning will be many times less than his wife is used to.

How to make a woman love her husband again? (We are now talking not about the possible actions of a man, but about the actions of a woman in order to fall in love) This is too complicated a topic to describe in this article. Sometimes this is an impossible task. Sometimes you need to correct your overestimated self-esteem. Sometimes you need to look at a man differently. (A diary of gratitude to her husband, for example. Read the article by Anastasia Gay “A diary of gratitude, or A happy family and her secrets)

So why can a husband fall out of love with his wife?

The first option is when the wife constantly knows everything better than the man.

A woman understands everything better and knows everything better than a husband. (it doesn't matter how things are in reality). If this is not a one-time behavior, but a standard, then sooner or later such behavior causes irritation in a man.

After all, she knows better not only what lies in the apartment, how to raise a child. Such a woman knows better what a man himself needs, what he dreams of, how he needs to spend his free time, etc. Naturally, if a woman knows everything better, then she criticizes any opinion of a man, she finds mistakes in a man’s behavior, constantly remembers them, pokes her nose at them.

If a man is at work for 12 hours and on weekends, then such behavior can still be somehow transferred. If not, then everything accumulates and sooner or later the man gets bored with all this. He makes some defense mechanisms struggle with teachings.

Depending on the situation, this may be alcohol consumption, workaholism (not true, but running away to work), a man may pretend to be “stupid” or something else that is not so important in the context of this article.

The main thing is clear that this type of woman is not at all the kind of woman that a man dreams of running after, seeking sex with her, etc. If such behavior (essentially vixen) is constantly manifested, then the man "closes" from the woman, including in sex.

Yes, sexual tension needs to be relieved, but only when it completely “presses”. But running after a woman, seeking her is usually an unrealistic task for such a relationship.

What to do? Obviously, you need to stop being "the most smart woman”, especially in those matters where this is the business of the man himself. (his goals, dreams, vacations, etc.) The second option is to find a husband who is smarter than you.

The second frequent option is a constant initiative on the part of a woman, when there is no counter initiative from a man.

I must say right away that I am not against the initiative in sex on the part of a woman, especially in marriage.

But initiative initiative is different. If she is within reasonable limits, and a man responds with joy to her small manifestation, then this is great. (Some men are even offended that sex is always only on his initiative)

And if not? If a woman took the initiative, and in response nothing or some excuses like “Tired” or something else? What then?

If there is nothing further and we are waiting for the initiative of a man in any form, then this is one thing. That is, it is a continuation normal relationship. Either a man after some time will take the initiative in one form or another, or they will talk and send him for treatment, if it is a matter of physiology.

And if not? If a woman does not understand that a man may not want her, really tired, or he has problems with physiology.

Some women use rather harsh manipulations from the category:

- "What are you, impotent?",

- "You are not only impotent, but also ... and here is a listing of his mistakes over the past few years"

Some super-duper sexual techniques are used to make a man stand up.

But if you think about it, then everything that is described is some kind of sexual abuse in relation to a man. The first two examples are rather crude manipulations. The last example is also manipulation. (It’s one thing if sex doesn’t work out if a man has a bad time. And it’s quite another thing if he doesn’t want a wife)

But let's remember the roles of men and women in sex. Usually, however, the man achieves, and the woman concedes. And here everything is more rigid than in communication, where the initiative of a woman is not so terrible. (At least one-time, when if the man did not answer, then the woman does nothing further)

Here, there is no smell of any initiative on the part of the man.

In our situation, we see some kind of systematic violence of the psyche of a man. Those. at first he does not want sex (the reason is not important), then he is forced to engage in it under rather harsh manipulations. And at the end, there is often a phrase that he did everything badly and the woman was dissatisfied. (In general, sometimes this can be done if you are completely overwhelmed, but not often) Read more about sexual needs, secrets and male secrets in the book “The Most Secret men's secrets and secrets."

What do we see? The cruelest negative reinforcement of sex.

Just turn the situation around. Imagine a man doing the same to a woman. That is, you do not want sex with your husband. But the husband comes and says what needs to be done " marital debt”or somehow“ convinces ”a woman to have sex, then sex, and then the husband says that you are a worthless lover.

And if this happens not once or twice, but for months and years? Add to this, as I already wrote, the instinct of a man that he should take the initiative in sex.

What do we get?

It is clear that after a few months or years, the husband no longer wants his wife at all. Not to music, not to some kind of dancing, not even shouting all over the street that he was impotent.

What to do?

Obviously, you need to start to stop something that obviously will not work in the long term, even if so far this method is giving something out now in terms of the amount of sex. (but not quality, of course)

The third option is that the woman has changed too much since they met in the worst side or the man has changed too much in better side.

Husband and wife are links in the same chain. At least that's how it should be. They usually move in the same direction. If nutrition, then they eat similarly. If one of them goes in for sports, then the other half tries to do the same. And of course, we are talking and about professional growth, study, etc.

However, this is not always the case.

Sometimes it happens that a husband and wife, for some reason, begin to move in different directions.

The husband begins, for example, a sharp career growth, and the wife sits at home and does not study or read anything at all. (It happens the other way around, of course. But in relation to the topic of our article, we are talking about such examples)

Maybe a man begins to play sports, and his wife is very fat.

In general, the point is that those women who are many times more attractive than his wife begin to pay attention to a man. And everything would be fine if he loves his wife. If the wife has developed self-respect and she does not make gross psychological mistakes in relations with her husband. Then he may not even notice her shortcomings, and her appearance may seem to him the best, and her character the most wonderful. (Again, there are usually limits to these changes when you start noticing anyway.)

And if not? If love for some reason has decreased? And if the difference between the wife and those women who are now ready to marry a man becomes not just noticeable, but very noticeable or even catastrophic?

Those. women who are an order of magnitude better looking, an order of magnitude smarter, an order of magnitude better in self-respect, are willing to marry your husband, even if he has to pay child support, etc.

I don't know what will happen. Maybe men will keep the family duty to children, maybe something else.

But sexual attraction not at all as persistent as duty to children. It can be greatly reduced.

Again, for better understanding, let's reverse the situation. For example, you have a husband. During your family life, he began to drink, because of overeating, alcohol and lack of sports, he physically became unattractive, mentally, albeit not completely, but degraded, at work he began to work in the lowest paid positions and bring home not a salary, but what enough for him to eat.

You constantly studied, tried, moved up the career ladder, began to earn good money, watch your diet, figure. You communicate in a circle where people pay attention to you, offer to meet men with a very good income, figure, smart, self-confident, etc.

You do not accept such proposals for meetings, you do not want to ruin the family, since there are joint children. But will you have strong sexual desire for your husband when he is in Once again drink and climb with harassment?

Obviously not. Most likely, sex will become some kind of rare and random event, or even disappear from family life.

What to do in this case?

Obviously, every effort must be made to become more valuable in the market of men and women. Try to focus on looks (if that's the case), make money again, even if it's small to begin with (if that's the case), rebuild your circle of acquaintances and girlfriends, develop self-esteem, start learning something, etc.

Do all this not so much for your husband, but for yourself. Try to enjoy the fact that you look better, that you know something that others do not know, that you have learned to listen to other people, joke, etc.

As a rule, for women, it is best to start with self-esteem and figure. Almost any gap in the body can be corrected somewhere in six months of training and attention to diet. (for any year) It is also possible to raise self-esteem relatively quickly in a few months of training. With men, I repeat, self-respect and appearance are very important. Exercises to increase self-esteem are described in the book "How to become more confident in yourself in 3 months."

So, let's summarize. Why does the husband not want a wife? There may be several reasons. Maybe it's about physiology (illness), maybe it's about relationships and psychology.

Look closely at your relationship, try to correct something. If necessary, take your husband to the doctors. In general, as a rule, almost everything can be fixed. Re-read the article carefully and honestly admit to yourself what you may not want to admit yet.

Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.

kirranov.ru

What to do if the husband does not want intimacy with his wife? What is the reason and how to become desirable for him again

Hello to all representatives of the beautiful half of humanity! With you, as always, Sasha Bogdanova, and today we will have a difficult conversation.

As several readers of women's online magazines admit, their self-esteem is slowly dying, and they cannot find a way out. The husband does not want closeness with his wife and she feels more like a neighbor than a beloved woman.

Why is this happening and how to return the desire of her husband?

I know that this problem is common, but not everyone can admit it to themselves. But, no matter how painful it is, we must face the truth, find the causes and fix the problem. Let's get together and let's get started.

What's wrong with me, doctor?

The opinion that every man wants intimacy all the time is not entirely true. This statement applies to males who are in "free swimming" and at the peak of sexual activity.

After 30-40, testosterone production decreases - household, family and work problems pile up one on top of the other, and in the end we have what we have.

The lack of desire in a husband has two reasons:

• physiological
• or psychological

The wife must completely exclude the option of diseases that depress sexual function. Otherwise, only a qualified doctor will help here. We are considering the psychological side of the issue and are looking for solutions.

Who said it would be easy?

Imagine that you are your husband. You have been looking for your soul mate for so long, found and fell in love at first sight with this slender nymph. The highest happiness was to protect your woman and feel at the same time a real man.

Then you created a family with her in order to give birth to your wonderful children in her, and ... the fairy tale began to end.

Yes, it happens in most families. Life, routine, problems - all this eats up romance and novelty of sensations, the desire to conquer your half again and again.

How should it be? In place of love comes true love, respect. Novelty is replaced by stability.

Family and home should be a place where you are expected, loved and where you want to return as soon as possible. Wife - beloved, dear, a true friend and support. It is in this situation that a man feels happy.

Girl of my dreams

It often happens that a wife, in an attempt to create an ideal family model, goes too far. Then the husband becomes just a means and an instrument to achieve her goals.

“Hang up a shelf, it’s already been standing in the corner for half a year!”, “Finally, vacuum the apartment”, “Choose how we spend the day off: with my mom or we’ll go shopping.”

These phrases, along with a dressing gown and curlers, said in the tone of a colonel, are the most effective killers of testosterone.

Many causes of separation from each other occur during the wife's pregnancy and after childbirth.

When a woman carries a baby, she experiences an incredible amount of changes in her head and body. Here and fear for yourself and the baby, hormonal storms, stress, rejection of a new plump body, physical discomfort, and so on.

A man thinks that his wife's belly is just growing. On my own. And that's all. He will never understand her feelings. Therefore, the most important thing is to talk with your man.

Baby you don't excite me

You can cite a huge number of everyday situations that are slowly crowding out intimacy from family life. But physical closeness is impossible without emotional and spiritual closeness.

Let's look more globally and highlight the most common reasons and outline tips on how to get back the lost.

Monotony in life will drive anyone into depression. The same haircut for years, the same conversations, the same routine every day. Tired of anyone, agree?

You need to bring something new to life, show yourself from an unexpected side! Go to bed in seductive lingerie, arrange a dinner with seafood and wine, invite your husband on a date, seduce him!

In what way do you talk about yourself? The global mistake of many women is an ostentatious manifestation of dislike for oneself. “I’m fat”, “You don’t like me”, “You don’t love me”, “You are cheating on me / will change someday.”

Stop it! So after all, you can persuade ... No need to run into compliments and wait for your husband to rush to convince you. Until a certain point, it will be so. But not forever.

• Loss of interest in wife as a person

Analyze your relationship with your spouse. What are you talking to him about? How do you communicate with him? What SMS do you write to him? "Cottage cheese eggs powder salt pads" or something like that?

If there are only routine obligations between you, then this will not lead to anything good.

Look at your husband stranger, remember what hooked you in it at the dawn of a relationship. Fall in love with him, and the sly sparkle of your eyes will not leave him indifferent!

No comments. One question: do you really want to be the main heroine of jokes? And forget forever your favorite saying "Well, I told you!". What are you trying to say? What is your husband clumsy, narrow-minded and stupid?

You chose it yourself, which means that you do not respect either your choice or yourself. It is logical that he does not want intimacy, since he does not feel like a man.

Excessive guardianship does not make a man feel like a male. There will be no attraction to a woman who is like a mother to him. It's against nature. You need to be weak and show it.

• Problems at work, family

Constant stress is depressing nervous system and adversely affect the male libido. Daily conflicts in the family, showdown exhaust and exhaust the husband, it is not surprising that he stopped striving for intimacy with his wife.

Foundation from the foundations

The simple truth that the weather in the house depends on the woman is relevant at all times. If you ask yourself the question "why is the husband in Lately doesn’t want me?” and looking for an answer, it means you are a smart woman.

Men are the same people, with their weaknesses, complexes. Talk to him, listen to him and listen. A man must be treated with sincere respect, then the woman will be a queen with him.

No man will miss such a woman! Love and never offend yourself, then the phrase from the beginning of the article will change to “my husband said he doesn’t want to lose me.”

And if it so happened that your husband completely ran away from you, then I recommend reading an article on how to get your ex back.

That's all my friends for today, but I'm not saying goodbye!

I am very glad that the most interesting people gathered here and are subscribers of my blog) I hope there will be more and more of us! Thank you for your thoughts!

Always with you, Sasha Bogdanova

otalex.ru

Why does the husband not want a wife?

In every married couple, there come moments when both spouses temporarily refrain from intimacy, there may be various reasons for this, good ones and not. However, if the husband does not want sex, the woman immediately imagines different pictures, or the feelings have faded, or the husband has acquired a mistress.

But before sounding the alarm, it would be better to conduct an analysis to identify the true cause of the problem. It's not in vain folk wisdom reads, "Forewarned is forearmed." We will try to understand this issue and dot the “and”.

Stress and chronic fatigue

Life in a metropolis can take a lot of time and effort, stressful situations, family troubles, problems at work and much more, can reduce sexual activity men. The psychology of men is such that it is difficult for them, and in some cases it is impossible to abruptly switch to other emotions and allow themselves to relax.

Another option why the husband does not want to have sex is the “work-lover”. Men are sometimes so addicted to the work process that it takes away from them the energy that they should have spent on sex with their beloved woman.

However, they are so absorbed and satisfied with their favorite business that they do not want to think about anything else. Yes, the pleasure of the results achieved at work brings them much more satisfaction than sex.

Well, if you add to everything malnutrition, it can even lead such a lifestyle to beriberi. Now it became clear to us what is the reason why the husband does not want sex and sleeps for days on end. It would be nice to help your loved one, diversify his poor diet with healthy meals and evening walks under the starry sky.

Pregnancy and childbirth

There is an opinion that after the birth of a child, marital relations become stronger, former feelings are revived, but practice shows opposite results. Some men, on the contrary, have jealousy for a newborn baby, they may feel disadvantaged, less loved and unnecessary.

Especially such manifestations are amplified if a woman suffers from postpartum depression. Against this background, conflicts, quarrels, misunderstandings become more frequent.

Also, the figure of a woman after childbirth becomes flabby, loses its original attractiveness. Sometimes interest in sex in men disappears even during pregnancy, when it is necessary to abstain from sexual relations, or perhaps the husband simply does not want a pregnant wife. Therefore, in order to resume sexual activity after such a long break, it will take time and patience on the part of the wife.

Impotence

Another reason that the husband stopped having sex can be erectile dysfunction or, as it is commonly understood, impotence. It used to be thought that this problem mainly occurs in old age, but times have changed, and many factors can affect this condition of a man at an earlier age.

For such a complex process as arousal, it is important right job blood vessels, cerebral cortex, nervous and muscular systems, if there are failures of at least one of these organs, this has a detrimental effect on potency.

Can lead to impotence unhealthy image life, malnutrition, bad habits, some medical preparations. An important role is played psychological factor associated with fatigue, stress, personal sexual fears and relationship problems.

The most important enemy for potency, according to doctors, remains diabetes mellitus, it affects all human organs at the same time, leading the body to rapid wear and tear.

Probably, every girl, getting married, brightly imagines a fabulous relationship between two lovers, morning coffee in bed, touching kisses and, of course, passionate nights of love. But over time, tender feelings develop into a habit, kisses become less and less, and sex disappears altogether. One week follows another, and the spouse, who used to spend a day in bed with you, stubbornly does not want intimacy.

First, you should calm down and think about what has changed in your husband's behavior, in addition to refusing sex. Debriefing in this case will only help to finally unsettle the spouse and exacerbate the tense situation. After you calm down, try to understand the reasons why the husband shuns intimacy.

Reason #1: The Benefits of Being a Father

If a baby has recently appeared in your family, then the temporary lack of intimacy is a completely understandable phenomenon. Coming home from work, the exhausted head of the family plays and fiddles with the child, and then falls into bed to start hunting the mammoth again in the morning. But at night, most likely, the spouse cannot rest. The first months, and sometimes longer, the baby's sleep is unstable, and night tantrums happen almost daily. Therefore, it is not surprising that a man associates the marital bed only with relaxation.

What to do? Such a situation for newly-made parents is considered quite normal and does not require any drastic measures on your part. You can go for a trick: ask your grandmother (neighbor, girlfriend) to sit with the baby in the evening. Use your free time to good use: cook delicious dinner, light up aroma candles, put on seductive clothes and make a consort Erotic massage. You can be sure that he will definitely not resist such pressure.

Reason #2: Another woman

One of the most common causes spouse's unwillingness to have sex - the presence of a connection on the side. An affair can proceed in different ways: either an overabundance of sex with a mistress does not leave the strength to perform marital duties, or there is no intimacy on the side, but the feelings that flared up for another woman caused you to cool down.

The fact that in a relationship you are now not two, but three, may be evidenced by such signs as:

• Constant delays of the spouse at work and the desire to leave home under any pretext;
• taciturnity and secrecy;
• Irritability over trifles.

If a spouse behaves in this way, then the lack of sex is most likely the merit of another woman.

What to do? First you need to talk to your husband. Do not throw tantrums and do not make scandals - this is unlikely to help solve the problem. If you can not control yourself, then it is better to drink a sedative before talking. Try to find out about the reasons that led to the betrayal, and then discuss the next steps.

If you see the sincere repentance of your spouse and feel the strength to forgive, then why not try to save the marriage. After all, the passion that he feels for another woman will soon evaporate, and you and him are connected by years lived together, children, common habits and much more.

site draws your attention to one important point Whatever decision you make, in no case look for meetings with an opponent. Do not call her with threats, do not become a stalking avenger. This will take your last strength, make you nervous and, moreover, put you in a humiliating legal spouse position. To maintain pride in this situation, you need to calm down and focus on the problem, solving it only with your spouse.

Reason #3: Wife doesn't care about her appearance

The mistaken belief of many married women: they think that a loving spouse will want them until old age, no matter how they look. If you have thrown cosmetics into a distant drawer, walk around the apartment in an old bathrobe and are rapidly getting fat from eating sweets, then sooner or later even the most faithful man looks to the left.

What to do? First, take a look in the mirror and soberly evaluate your own reflection. Eaten goodies are deposited on the sides and thighs? So, it's time to review your diet and purchase a subscription to Gym. Home bathrobe faded and looks like a shapeless hoodie? Go shopping and buy seductive clothes for your home. Additionally, you can change your hairstyle, and even hair color, sign up for a make-up master class and replenish your wardrobe with several new clothes and accessories. Pleasant changes in appearance will not only raise your self-esteem, but also make your spouse look at you with completely different eyes, full of passion and desire.

Reason #4: Work Issues

Denial of intimacy can also provoke stressful situations in the workplace. Important reports, internal audits from higher authorities, daily changing management requirements - all this can cause depression and self-care.

Women, unlike men, tolerate stress more easily - it is enough for them to cry and complain to their friends. The stronger sex, for the most part, is not used to complaining and tries to digest problems deep in itself. And under the load of accumulated stress and fatigue, it is no longer up to sex. The spouse, on the contrary, seeks to hide at the computer or with a book in order to relax a little, and not to perform another duty, this time a marital one.

What to do? The main rule - do not try to find out from your spouse what happened. Show silent care, surround him with tenderness, let him know that he is loved and appreciated. Treat your husband to a delicious dinner, have a relaxing massage, offer to watch his favorite movie together. He must be sure that his family is a reliable fortress where he can take a break from problems. You will see, as soon as the spouse relaxes in warmth and comfort, intimate life will start to improve.

Reason #5: Problems with potency

You may not suspect that your husband has health problems - problems of this kind men usually do not discuss with anyone. Lack of erection negatively affects the male psyche, makes the stronger sex feel weak, withdraw into itself. What kind of dinner by candlelight or seductive lingerie is there, if even secret pills and erotic films are powerless?

What to do? If you guess about the problems of your man, then you do not need to pounce on him and drag him to a sexologist. The only thing that can help in this situation is a confidential conversation. Calmly explain to your spouse that you are ready to help and support him, no matter what happens. Recommend visiting a doctor to address the problem. In no case do not put pressure on your husband and do not insist on going to a specialist. Perhaps while he hesitates, and when the decision is made, he himself will inform you about it.

How to arouse sexual desire in a husband?

• Periodically prepare dishes from foods containing aphrodisiacs - substances that increase sexual desire. Most natural pathogens are found in seafood (mussels, oysters, shrimp, etc.), chocolate, asparagus, nuts, mushrooms and fresh fruits;
• Take care of your appearance: visit a hairdresser, get an original manicure, treat yourself to a chocolate wrap session. Believe me, your spouse will appreciate your efforts;
• Try to get closer and invite your husband to spend time doing a pleasant activity. You can go to the cinema for an evening session, sit in a cafe or attend a football match. Try to imbue his interests and, perhaps, he will not feel so lonely;
• Invite your spouse to fulfill sexual fantasies. It is unlikely that he will refuse the opportunity to try something new. And if you run into a sex shop before the upcoming night and purchase a modest attribute for intimate games, then you are guaranteed passion and orgasms;
• If everything is in order with a sense of rhythm, start attending dances. You can choose strip plastic, oriental style or go-go. Having comprehended the basics of dance art, you can organize a show for one viewer and, for sure, it will look seductive and bewitching;
• The women's portal website recommends not limiting sex to just outside the bedroom. Try to seduce your man in a new place. You can rent a hotel room, go together to the bosom of nature or indulge in passion on the shore of a deserted beach. This will refresh the monotonous everyday life and add spice to your relationship.

Where to start if you notice that your husband does not want you and you have a long pause in bed? Of course, you rushed a little late, but better late than never! It is worth figuring out where and when this crack appeared, which led to the fact that both spouses feed each other in best case only respect, but sex and passion have gone somewhere.

In order to refresh the relationship and return the passion again, complex measures are required. You should start with a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse. Try to figure out where to go past passion.

Psychologists say that a joint vacation in another country makes relationships stronger. And the new environment makes you look from the other side at your spouse, whom, as it seems, you already know like the back of your hand.

Intimacy in a new place is more diverse, and upon arrival it continues at home. Since sex still has the main role in family life, it is worth starting to solve the problem from there.

If your husband does not want you, reconsider your attitude towards your husband. Perhaps you are exaggerating in some way, and in fact there is no such problem. Interest just disappeared, and not only from you, but also from your husband. Try to surprise each other more often. For example, go to a beauty salon and buy an erotic costume.

In this role, the spouse has definitely not seen you yet, and imagine how his eyes light up again. Add here romantic dinner by candlelight and a bath with rose petals. Although this is all trite, but over time romantic evenings completely leave the family, taking with them, and interest in each other.

If a man does not want sex, and family relations become fraternal, psychologists also advise you to change your place of residence or make repairs. Firstly, the whole process takes more than one day, and during this time you can get closer to each other. Secondly, the new environment means living with clean face which is exactly what you need.

A good option, in the case when the husband does not want a wife, is to visit a sexologist or a family psychologist. Experts come across such stories very often and certainly know the most best advice to solve the problem if the husband does not want you.

Respect for each other is certainly good, but it is much more important to have a passionate attitude and love, on which the foundation is built. strong family. The goal of the wife, if the husband does not want you, is to make sure that not only you look at your own spouse with different eyes, but also that the spouse becomes the same again: he gave unexpected gifts, made sudden dates and did everything so that there was only harmony and passion in the bedroom. Without her, no family will be truly happy.

Go skiing together. Joint hobbies are no worse than recharging old feelings. Or enroll both extreme driving Adrenaline has a positive effect on the brain. And lastly, after you become happy spouses again, give birth to another child. Caring for and caring for a small baby does not separate everyone, but rather brings them together.

"Hello! My name is Vladlena. I really believe that you will help me deal with the following situation.

The thing is, I've been married for 1 year. I am 29. My husband is 5 years older than me. Our characters are very different: I am an impulsive Aries, who rushes forward everywhere, I have many hobbies, my husband is Cancer, who always backs up, and when difficulties arise, he always hides his head in the sand like an ostrich or hides behind me.

He is a romantic. He has a very low self-esteem, in almost everything that he does, he needs the support and approval of someone: first - moms and sisters, now - mine. He constantly and in everything doubts, very indecisive, afraid to make the wrong decision.

But the most the main problem, because of which I decided to write to you, is that we have not had any sexual relations. My husband does not want a wife, that is, me. He says that he is afraid of me, that he feels my pressure.

During these six months, there was almost not a single day that we would have spent without quarrels. We are constantly annoyed with each other, we are calm only when we are far from each other: we start to get bored, call each other, but as soon as we find ourselves together ...

I understand and realize that I am partly to blame for this situation and that the man does not want sex. Before the wedding, and in the first months after the wedding, we had a wonderful sexual relationship. Now the husband says that problems pile up on him one after another, he cannot calm down, relax.

I suggested that he go to a psychologist, he refuses, says that he is all right, that I have problems, but he does not. He says that everything will be fine with us as soon as he calms down, but he does not succeed.

When I start to caress him, he pushes me away. He immediately boils, cannot speak calmly. Says he's better off staying like this than telling me about his fears.

I gave him a massage, and a bath with aromas, and gave sedatives, and I try to take him out for a walk more often, and I caress, hug him, but he does not react: my husband does not want me. I ask him to at least hug, kiss, but he does not want me. The only one " sexual contact”, which we had, was during the holidays on my initiative, but my husband lay like a log, did not even caress me.

Unfortunately, I think he wants to see me as a mother who will take care of him, and not a woman who will be taken care of by him. I ask him for male attention, I start a conversation about a child that he does not want to hear about (for which he is not yet ready, in his words, "not ripe").

I gave him books on psychology, but he does not want to read them, says that I tell him fairy tales. I never set conditions for my husband, but yesterday I told him: either we go to a psychologist or a sex therapist and solve our problems together, or I divorce him, because I see no other way out.

I understand that a person must decide for himself and go to the reception, but I have already tried everything, but my husband does not want me as a woman. Here is such a situation. Vladlena Savritskaya.

What to do if the husband does not want you, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers

I understand from your letter that you are concerned about the situation in your family. You and your husband have not had sexual relations for six months. You explain this by the fact that the husband takes troubles at work too seriously, that he, due to his personal characteristics, needs his mother rather than his wife, that he is weak and used to retreat in the face of difficulties, etc.

You, being an active person, are trying to find a way out of this situation yourself. You offer your husband different ways - to see a specialist, read books on psychology, you give him a sedative, give him a massage, initiate physical intimacy, in a word, you do a lot to correct the situation.

The more active you are, the more passive your husband becomes. His activity is expressed rather in resistance to everything that you offer. He refuses everything, as a result of which you came to the conclusion: "my husband does not want me."

Desperate, you resorted to the last opportunity - set a condition for your husband: either he goes with you to a psychologist, or you divorce him.

First of all, I would like to tell you that there are different forms of work, including those in which one of the spouses turns to a specialist. I am convinced that in your case it is not a sexual problem, but rather a relationship problem.

You have your own assessment of what is happening with your husband. Being an active and strong person, you strive to help him based on your vision of the situation and offer your own solutions. I would venture to suggest that you consider yourself more competent in matters of relationship psychology than your husband. You know best what to do...

This position makes you a mother, older sister or simply the main, and he remains the role of a subordinate. On the one hand, you want to be desired woman with a strong and reliable husband, and on the other hand, it often happens that you feel smarter and stronger than your husband, so you expect him to agree with what seems right to you. And this means that you offer him a relationship in which he obeys, and you lead.

It looks more like a power struggle than a newlywed romantic relationship. It is not surprising that your husband does not want you, he does not feel attraction and tenderness, but fear. You are very strong, Vladlena, but in your relationship with your husband, your strength turns against you.

In conclusion, I would like to support you by expressing confidence that your love for your husband and desire to improve relations with him will help you realize your role in the current problem and see new horizons in its solution.

"Hello! I have a big request to you to help me understand the situation that has developed in my life at the present time. The point is this: I have been living with a young man in a civil marriage for a little more than a year and a half (I am 24, he is 29), we live peacefully, practically without quarrels.

There were no major quarrels for six months, no less. We are perfect for each other in everything, we are interested together, we have many common hobbies, common goals, plans for the future, we try to spend all our free time together, while bringing as much variety as possible to a joint vacation ...

In general, everything is wonderful, full of love, harmony and mutual understanding. And now, against the background of all this splendor, I am constantly tormented by one problem, which has recently been acquiring more and more distinct features and growing exponentially. The thing is, my husband doesn't want me.

In the last 7-8 months, we have had sex less and less, at first once every 7-10 days, then once every 2 weeks, now once every 2.5-3 weeks. You know, I am sure that he does not cheat on me, since we are everywhere together, I have never cheated on him either, but I can no longer live in such a rhythm.

Not only am I not satisfied with him (although having an orgasm alone is not a problem for me), so now we have almost no sex that is mediocre in all respects.

I became nervous, irritated for any reason, I feel how my immunity is weakening (at the beginning of our life with him, under the regimen 2-3 times a week, I never got sick, now the sores stick one on one, and some completely ridiculous: colds, rubella, tracheitis ...), and all because I feel that my husband does not want me as a woman, and my body has become indifferent to everything.

I love my husband, but because a man does not want sex, I begin to be torn between physical and spiritual needs. I began to talk less and less about the future with him, more and more often I think that I will most likely have to leave, because I don’t want to cheat on him, and the body is tired of waiting for tenderness and affection ...

Recently, my husband has been reacting more and more sharply to my words that “we should more often ...”, since, in his opinion, everything is turned in one direction, that is, towards sex (at the same time, it would be strange to say so at my needs a couple of times a week...).

And I feel that I'm tired of fighting and not only does my husband not want me, but I want him physically less and less. I gradually forget what games in bed are, what tenderness, kisses, caresses are ... And one more thing: when my husband now kisses me in bed so quickly, dryly, I realize that he does this only because of my whim, without any pleasure for myself, and already purely psychologically I have a barrier against it. This is the beginning of complexes, neuroses ... I'm afraid that now, even if a miracle happens and he changes, I will have to be treated. Christina Grell.

What to do if the husband does not want a wife, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers

Unfortunately, it is very difficult for me to understand in absentia, without talking with your husband, what is really happening to him. The reasons can be anything: by nature a person without fantasies, not endowed with sufficient sensuality; selfish and lazy (at the same time very sure that you will not get anywhere); self-satisfaction (in parallel with sexual life) and therefore there is no need for frequent sex; troubles on the topic of sex (prohibitions), instilled in a puritanical, sanctimonious upbringing; communication on the side; physiological sexual problems.

Perhaps he feels his inadequacy in some way, but he is so afraid of admitting this even to himself that he “throws” the problem onto you, calling you “obsessed with sex.”

I don't know your husband's character. If a man does not want sex, I would try, without offense and claims, to gently talk to him about the fact that not everything is in order in your intimate relationship, and it’s not about your “troubles and fixation” on sex, but about the fact that you worried about your health and your marriage.

If a direct conversation is not possible, then you can write him a letter. But just be extremely soft, tactful, and you need to make him feel that you value love and family. Tell him that you do not have enough sex, but do not reproach "my husband does not want me." And there is nothing wrong if both of you turn to a psychologist and a sex therapist.

No matter how far we have gone from nature in Everyday life, usually her instincts take over. Hormones that are present in our body are responsible for this process. But, surprisingly, lately there have been a lot of complaints from women that men are increasingly refusing sexual pleasures. Why does a man not want sex? Is it worth sounding the alarm in this case? We are ready to answer these and many other questions on this topic. Stay with us!

Why a man does not want sex - reasons

The first option, why a husband does not want a wife - he is cheating. Yes, when a lover appears in a person's life, it is quite natural that he has sex with her, and not with his wife. Therefore, if suddenly your intimate life has ceased to be the same, and the behavior of your husband as a whole has changed a lot, beware. By the way, with regard to behavior, a man may begin to ignore you or, on the contrary, become very gentle and attentive. Either way, it will behave differently than before.

A man may have health problems. Today, our lives are full of stress, and bad habits can further aggravate the situation. It may turn out that a man is experiencing difficulties in the sexual sphere, and they are associated with the presence of some serious illness. Naturally, in this case it is foolish to demand affection from her husband. It is better to help him overcome the disease and the spouse will be grateful to you for this.

Sometimes a husband does not want a wife because love has passed. Man is not an animal, and he cannot live on instinct alone. So, it is not surprising that in the absence of feelings, a man will not have sex. Do not hush up the problem, but be sure to discuss it. You will need to decide whether to save the family or divorce is better. The sooner you discuss this issue, the better.

Interestingly, sometimes true reason why men don't want sex, women don't even know. It turns out that in this way a man wants to punish his soul mate! For example, you were inattentive to your spouse or rude to him. In this case, the husband may pretend to be unwell or tired, just to not fulfill his marital duty. If you see that your husband uses sex to manipulate you, talk to him and solve the underlying problem that has become a reason for resentment.

Another circumstance that also leads to the fact that the husband does not want a wife is the situation. If it does not contribute to love pleasures, many men lose all desire to have sex. For example, such cases take place if you plan to make love in a public place, or children live in the apartment with you in the next room, and the soundproofing in the house is not the best.

Reasons for not having sex

Having married, a woman rightly believes that she will no longer need to look for a partner for sex. And suddenly, at some point, she begins to feel as if she was deceived or, even worse, she ceases to be confident in her female attractiveness. And indeed, how can there be no doubt, even if own husband ceases to show sexual interest in you and you begin to frantically search for an answer to the question of why your man does not want sex with you. You should not panic, but rather try to find out the reasons.

Oddly enough, but a man can also be tired or feel bad. Nothing human is alien to him, this is not a machine and he cannot turn on on demand. Especially in the modern world, when every day you have to prove to others that you are the coolest and strongest. Take your husband and go on a weekend trip out of town with him. As soon as he sleeps off, he will certainly remember why a wife exists in the world.

If his problems are related to physical ailment - for example, a husband does not want a wife because his blood pressure has increased or an ulcer has opened, then this disease itself should be treated first of all. Men rarely complain about their health, because they believe that they simply must remain strong and healthy in our eyes. Try to ask him what is happening to him, and take him to the clinic.

Alas, in our turbulent world, a new nervous disease has appeared, which is called the manager's syndrome. This happens to a person who is too busy at responsible work and cannot even relax at home, constantly thinking about the flows that he controls. Such constant stress in the most negative way affects the desire of a man to have sex.

But it also happens that people who live together for a long time really cease to interest each other from the sexual side. The relationship of such spouses over the years begins to resemble a tender friendship, but all other feelings leave them. Not only men, but also women find themselves in this situation. Perhaps you really are better off just being friends?

Now you know why a husband does not want a wife. Knowing about them, you can always influence your spouse and do everything to make your intimate life full.

Differences in male and female sexuality

In general, a woman needs more romantic inclination to experience sexual attraction than a man. A woman feels excited when she is looked after - pleasant things are said, hugged, kissed.

Male sexuality is built to a greater extent on the imagination and visual sensations. The sight of a pretty woman, an attractive naked body, erotic daydreams may be enough to young man to feel aroused and have sex.

Many men find it difficult to understand why women are always sad after sex and why they need a long affectionate foreplay in front of it, just as women often do not understand how men can jump right into bed.

In marriage, a man's attachment to visual stimulation often leads to an erotic crisis if the woman gains too much weight. That is why sometimes a man does not want to have sex with his wife.

Women, sexual feelings who do not have such a visual orientation, often remain attached to a man even when he loses outer shape. At the same time, a recent study by sociologist Lyn White, who examined about a thousand married men, showed that it is important for a man that his wife remains graceful.

Dr. White found that marriage is more likely to cause sexual problems when a woman gains weight. You should take this seriously, as studies show that when husbands judge whether their marriage is successful, they pay more attention to appearance than wives. This is why sometimes a husband does not want a wife: if they do not like what is happening in the bedroom, they often consider themselves unhappy.

Women, on the contrary, focus more on the emotional aspects of relationships. For example, when your husband does not talk to you or does not want to listen to you, you may think that your marriage is very far from ideal.

The reasons why men and women explain their infidelities reflect differences in what each of them attaches the greatest importance to.

When men are asked about the reason for their infidelity and why a man doesn't want to have sex with his wife, they mostly point to sex. Women say they cheat to meet their emotional needs.

According to various studies, men characterize. Extramarital affairs of men and women follow the pattern of their behavior as loners: men can have sex during a date, while they emotional sphere it is not affected, while single women are more emotionally involved.

Differences between the sexes are stable and matter both in marriage and before it.

It is important for a woman to be loved and desired. Therefore, the cooling of passion on the part of a man is perceived as a disaster. Why doesn't my husband want me? What can be done?" - these questions do not give rest. The wife is offended, closes and the relationship between the spouses becomes tense. In order for the matter not to turn into a desire to get a divorce, you need to take active steps. First of all - to understand the possible causes.

Why a husband does not want a wife: the main reasons

There is no single algorithm by which it would be realistic to calculate the cause in each specific case- people differ in susceptibility, habits, character, hormonal levels and other factors. Therefore, it must be taken into account that the reasons given below cannot apply to all husbands. Most often, the cooling of sexual ardor leads to:

Fatigue. This may also include physical fatigue when a man is able to think of the bed only as a place of rest, and emotional - when he is overcome by restless thoughts.

Health problems. If lethargy does not go away for weeks, sleep has become restless and there are problems with appetite, then there is probably a failure in the body. Even if these are problems with the joints or the stomach, everything can cause apathy. It is enough to remember yourself - do you really want to make love when something hurts? In addition, there may well be problems with directly male health.

Relationship problems. The representatives of the stronger sex also have feelings and emotions. Not all women take this into account. Harsh words, resentment, accumulated unresolved conflicts alienate people from each other in every sense. Firstly, the spouse himself will not be sure that intimacy is appropriate in this situation. Secondly, it may be difficult for him to forgive something and step over it for the sake of love pleasures.

Beloved appearance. “Appearance is not the main thing”, “he loves me for the soul” - these opinions also have the right to life. But men love with their eyes, so in order to arouse desire, you need to get rid of the stretched robe, and be at least neat. Better yet, take care beautiful lingerie and figure.

Unhealthy attitudes towards sex in the family. “I to you - you to me” is a common relationship formula in some families. And fundamentally wrong. Some ladies take advantage of the physical needs of guys, extorting some things or behavior from them. “If you don’t buy it, I won’t give it”, “I won’t give it until you do as I want” - because of such blackmail, men begin to perceive sex as something inevitably associated with trouble. And there is absolutely no desire to have trouble.

Hobbies. It may seem strange to some, but among the representatives of the stronger sex there are persons for whom even sex can replace hobbies. Usually this is something that causes strong emotions: a parachute or bungee jump, a bike ride down a mountain, or even a hot fight in computer game. A surge of adrenaline causes the release of endorphins - hormones of pleasure.

Addiction to pornography. Porn materials filled the Internet. Many do not see anything bad in it and in vain. Researchers from the National Organization for Family Research have concluded that pornography causes cravings for perversion and can deprive a person of the ability to enjoy ordinary intimate relationships in the family. The same opinion is shared by specialists in the field of behavioral sciences.

Treason. The first reason that comes to mind women. And she, too, cannot be written off: when a man cheats or is simply in love with another, his life partner does not cause him strong emotions. But in this case, in addition to a decrease in sexual activity, there are other “signs”: secrets, delays at work and on business, sometimes a disconnected phone, and so on.

Pregnancy and childbirth. This situation is worth discussing separately. Sometimes husbands refuse to have intimacy with a pregnant wife for fear of harming her or the child. And often with the birth of a child, these fears do not go away. On forums for pregnant women and young mothers, you can often find questions like: "My husband does not want to sleep with me, the child is already six months old." This is because the baby's father perceives his beloved no longer as a wife, but as, first of all, a mother. Sometimes women themselves move away from life companions, spending absolutely all their time with the child: the spouses eat at different times, the mother goes to bed with the child early in the evening, and the young father remains bored.

What to do first

Do not panic and do not hysteria, do not say that he is all lying about fatigue. To find out why my husband does not want me, you need calmness and patience. No need to start with scandals and accusations - this will only aggravate the situation. Instead of peremptory accusations, it is better to use speech turns that speak of experiences: “I think ...”, “I feel like ...” And end the thought with a question: “What do you think about this?”.

When it comes to fatigue, the recipe is simple - let the person rest or wait until the busy week. If fatigue does not go away, then offer to drink vitamins or go to the doctor.

Probably, you will need to reconsider your behavior in the family. Often people allow themselves to speak less respectfully to family members than to strangers, arguing that they "should understand." No. Our loved ones deserve courtesy and the most kind words. And if wrong behavior was allowed, you should apologize - love is more expensive than hurt pride.

You will need to step over laziness, fatigue and conceit and still take care of yourself: figure, skin, hair and clothes. What can be a question of desire, if a woman smells unpleasant, and she is dressed in a greasy robe - it’s not even easy to hug such a woman.

Hobbies are a big part of a man's life. The ideal option is to share his joy with your husband and be there at this moment - so that euphoria is associated not only with some business, but also with your wife. It would not be superfluous to try to diversify your sex life - not only at home, on the couch, in the usual position, but also in nature in a tent or somewhere else.

Overcoming addiction to pornography is usually much more difficult. You may need the help of a psychologist who will explain how harmful such a habit is and help him overcome it. Psychological help may be required to get rid of the fear of a pregnant wife.

In the case of cheating, you need to try to find out what is really happening. Someone will decide to fight for the family, someone will get a divorce. But it is unlikely that it will be possible to arouse desire by force in order to surpass the opponent.

If you focus on the thoughts “my husband doesn’t want me anymore”, then it’s easy to wallow in resentment and move away even more. There are several general concepts that will help establish the intimate side of life:

It is important to remember that thoughts should be directed to what can be done if the husband does not want me, and not to his shortcomings.

The psychology of men is different from that of women, so it is not easy to understand and even more so somehow influence it. Therefore, the help of a specialist will be very useful. Doctors often recommend focusing on loving each other first and showing love by listening carefully, not rushing to be offended, and negotiating disagreements.

Keeping this in mind, you can return to family life the joy and pleasure of love.

Alla, Moscow

10 comments

I really like a phrase that was once uttered by one of my acquaintances, very Respected man: "No one should be allowed to enter the bedroom, except spouses." And these words meant those problems intimate nature that arise between two people, spouses, and not a simple visit to a room with a double bed. But, unfortunately, at all times, people are forced to seek help from specialists when delicate issues arise, which are not customary to talk about.

One of the most difficult questions that concern the beautiful half of humanity is the question: “What if I don’t want a husband?” Agree, this is not a topic of conversation that will easily go for a cup of tea surrounded by relatives. “I love my husband, but I don’t want him at all. What should I do?" - the spouse is worried and is looking for answers in books, on the Internet ... Let's find out together the reasons for such cooling towards a loved one and look for ways out of this situation.

Why is there no sexual attraction to her husband?

So why don't you want to sleep with your husband? Let's drop all the constraints and turn to the term itself. What is sex? Upon request, the following definition is most often issued: "a person's activity in order to obtain a set of mental and physiological reactions, experiences and actions associated with the manifestation and satisfaction of sexual desire or the desire to procreate."

I would like to move away from physiology for the time being, we will talk about it a little later. mental reactions. Women are more psycho-emotionally dependent on their partner, many women do not so much need intimacy and final pleasure, but a sense of unity, a sense of closeness and kinship of souls, an understanding of their desirability and necessity in the life of a beloved man.

Listen to yourself: perhaps the reluctance to go to bed with your spouse is due precisely to the cooling in your human relationships? Maybe, yes, initially passion rolled in a wave, both of you choked, drowning in happiness and silk underwear, but did not have time to get to know each other? Didn't have time to become each other's friends, interlocutors, maybe from the very beginning you were just lovers for each other? In this case, now is the time when you can and even need to just talk with your man, be with him for an unlimited amount of time and not under the covers. I guarantee you will learn a lot about his passions, interests, his childhood, some funny moments of his biography. So the person will become even closer, even dearer, and perhaps the desire will wake up again. Let not as soon as we would like, but it’s still worth trying to open up to each other.

Communication provides many benefits. Women are by nature gentle creatures and not everyone can just talk about their experiences and inconveniences in an intimate way. Also in Victorian era women, in the matrimonial bedroom, had no right to any movement and emotion. They just lay there for the pleasure of their men, and the casual movement of a woman could well have sounded an ordinary question: “Did I hurt you?” What is it? These are not magical films about love, women really existed that way.

But what is preventing the spouse now from turning to a loved one with a question or a proposal? Progress has stepped forward. And if there is some discomfort that discourages all attraction to her husband, it is better to voice it. Don't be afraid to offend native person understand and help solve the problem. Painful sensations uncomfortable postures, too little or, on the contrary, a long time of the process itself, lack of hygiene (it happens) - all this must be discussed with a man.

Many women claim that lack of desire is due to fatigue. Some experience precisely physical fatigue, when it is impossible even to move a hand, they want to lie down and merge with the bed. Hard work, life, raising children. And there is absolutely no strength left for the spouse. In this case, you need to ask for a day off. And not only at work, but also in the family. Give the children to your grandmother, entrust cooking and cleaning to your husband, I think that for one day he will be able to share this burden with you, and just go for a walk, get some fresh air, meet friends or think alone with yourself, it all depends on temperament. Go to the pool or lie on the couch all day - it does not matter. The main thing is to give yourself the opportunity to relax and unwind. It is advisable to arrange such a day off for yourself more than once a year, when the body is already exhausted to the limit, but at least twice a month. Remember to remind yourself: “I am alone. You have to love yourself."

What to do if the wife does not want intimacy with her husband?

It is quite another matter if fatigue has developed into a syndrome of emotional burnout. When a person feels complete moral exhaustion and does not want anything anymore. A lot can influence: problems at work, misunderstanding on the part of relatives, coldness in relation to a beloved man. I know such women who are ready to warm anyone who feels bad with their warmth, but it was the dearly beloved man who, with his indifference, managed to trample this fire of the human soul and turn it into ashes. Such women fall into despondency, depression, apathy. And, of course, there can be no talk of any kind of closeness. In Rus' they said: "Call a person 10 times a pig, he will grunt." If a woman is rude all the time, carelessly treat her requests, call her unkindly, she will eventually become what she might never have become in the hands of another person - callous and unhappy. A morally trampled, tired and offended woman needs rest. And here it would be nice to go on vacation to recover, to a sanatorium. Be apart from your husband. Try to miss yourself and give him the opportunity to feel your absence in his life. As a rule, parting for a short time has a good effect on married life, people have the opportunity to think about everything, realize and draw conclusions.

The problem of not wanting to sleep with your man can also be hidden behind a seemingly simple and common thing like a regular diet. Diets, as it turned out, significantly reduce libido. In turn, why does a woman resort to this method of improving her appearance? - Complexes. Every woman is beautiful in her own way, and if we were all long-legged blondes with a third bust size, our world would be boring in its monotony. The tastes of men are also different. Someone loves plump brunettes, someone is happy with red-haired laughter, someone dreams of a very tiny wife at night ... Do not deprive your spouse of happiness if he chose you for who you are, perhaps he found in you what dreamed all my life. Do not chase standards by making yourself worse.

How to return sexual attraction to her husband?

Sometimes a woman does not want her husband because her husband is bored, the monotony of positions, time and place. The man himself ceases to be interested in appearance, he does not want to be touched, intimacy turns into torture. A woman often thinks about the topic: “I don’t want a husband, I want another man.” It happens, but there is a way out. It may be reckless for someone, but you are already a family with this person, and if before sex in the car for back seat in the park could cause a misdemeanor, now it's a family weekend.

What did you dream about at the age of 17-18? Now it's possible. On the roof? Go with your husband to the roof, taking a blanket. Outdoors? Why not? In the pool, in the fitting room? Try, fulfill secret desires. This is your husband, this is a native person, with him you can not be afraid to look stupid. He has already accepted you with all your incredible ideas even when the registry office said "yes". Another great alternative would be role-playing games, especially for those women who are bored with the "beer" tummy of the spouse or other shortcomings. Leotards and a raincoat - Your husband Batman, pajamas and slippers - You are a nurse, and he is a patient, and so on. Don't be afraid to experiment. If nothing comes of this venture, at least just have fun.

Answer the question: "What if I want another man?" I would like that… At your leisure, think about why another man? What is it about it that attracts you? What did he catch? Shoulders more? Is the pelvis more appetizing? It's just a shell. I'll explain with an example. Now everyone is completely crazy about Robert Pattison or Johnny Depp. But does at least one of us know at least a tiny part about these men? No. This is only appearance, pleasant appearance, in which a lot has been invested: the fee, strength, obligations under the contract. Hint to your spouse that it's time to go to the gym and go with him for support. It's simple. It will be your very own Brad Pitt. The one who loves you, whom you know.

Often a woman worries about not wanting her husband during pregnancy or after childbirth. You shouldn't even worry here, in both cases there is a restructuring hormonal background and lack of attraction, as well as excessive activity on the part of a woman, is quite normal phenomenon. During pregnancy, if you don’t feel like intimacy at all, you can always refer to the doctor’s recommendations, a loving spouse and future father, will make concessions, and you can relax and wait out this moment of hormonal surge. After childbirth, you will also have time to recover, but if even after the physiological natural processes that contribute to abstinence, the desire does not appear, it is best to consult a doctor, gynecologist or endocrinologist. Experts will find the reasons and will be able to provide competent assistance.

Many psychologists still recommend, if it doesn’t work out to return the former attraction to the spouse, have a lover or get a divorce. To not hurt yourself. Well, the pros will be the first time: new emotions, sensations (and not the fact that it is better than with a spouse), but there will be more minuses. In the case of a lover, this is obvious: living in two houses is difficult, hiding, erasing SMS messages, talking in a whisper in the bathroom under the sound of water, sooner or later, but you will get tired of it. Is it worth it? With a new spouse ... Here, who cares. Having lived a certain number of years with one person, getting used to his smell, gastronomic preferences, recognizing every mole, getting used to carefree communication and behavior at home, adjust again? Flirt, pick up expressions, try to please relatives and friends? Are you ready for this? It seems to me that the game is worth the candle only in exceptional cases. I think everyone understands what. Isn't it easier to love your spouse again? After all, for some reason you fell in love with him many years ago? You just need to remember what exactly conquered you and stop your attention on these advantages, forgetting about the shortcomings for a while.

In conclusion, I would like to note the following. Z. Freud said many years ago: "We do not choose each other by chance ... We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious." Your spouse has already lived in your head, in your dreams. And yes, intimacy is a very important component of any relationship, but the most important thing is to be each other's soul mate, comrade, friend, family. And then the closeness of souls and the closeness of bodies and harmony in the house.