How to tell parents about pregnancy, advice from a psychologist. How do I tell my mom that I'm pregnant? Tips for girls on how best to present such news

- this question comes up quite often young girls. It's one thing if she lives with her husband and this child is desired. Of course, in this case, the mother will rejoice at the imminent appearance of the long-awaited grandson. But, the situation is quite different if the girl becomes pregnant without having permanent partner having not received a decent education and having no permanent job. Such news will be a real blow to the mother, who had high hopes for her daughter. A speech should be prepared in advance in order to soften the heart of the closest relative.

First of all, it is necessary to pay attention to those people who have mastered the science of human thinking. Of course, we are talking about psychologists. In this situation, they recommend first understand the girl herself in this situation, assessing their desire and ability to raise a future baby. It should be done so that before talking with the parents, there is already an exact plan in mind about how their daughter will continue her education and how she will get a permanent job.

All these "blanks" will be needed when they ask about future plans for life. You can even make a plan for the next few years and demonstrate it to relatives so that they understand the seriousness of intentions.

Next, you should plan who should be the first to know about this news. Of course, it is necessary to inform him about the appearance of the future baby. biological father and then jointly decide what to do in this situation. But, not all young people are happy to accept such news and are ready to take responsibility.

Under such circumstances, it is required to inform the closest person about the pregnancy who can be trusted and who it will be best friend mother, grandmother, elder sister or brother - the decision is individual.

Of course, it is better that it be a mother, because it is she who can give the most sincere advice.

How to tell mother about pregnancy if not 18?

It should be remembered that the mother is not an enemy, and the kindest, closest and native person who can only wish well. In addition, she was also young and, most likely, she made mistakes in her youth.

The news that her beloved daughter is pregnant when she just graduated from school or did not even have time to do so will not please her. Before the conversation, you should calm down and tune in to a serious mood. It is better not to put it off for later and even more so. don't make decisions on your own, since only wise woman may know what is the best thing to do.

You need to talk with your mother as openly and honestly as possible, you need to talk about why this happened. You should not expect a quick answer from the mother, for him it will be a big shock.

Most the best option, This apologize to her for deceived hopes and leave her alone so that she can think about the situation on her own and help her make the right decision in the future.

How to tell mom about pregnancy in a young family?

Naturally, when a girl is married and has an excellent relationship with her husband, informing her mother about pregnancy is much easier and more pleasant. Yes, she herself, giving her daughter in marriage, knew that someday she would have to receive the status of "grandmother". But you also need to prepare for this meeting in advance, it is better to arrange a meeting in a warm and cozy atmosphere, preferably on a day off, when parents will have no time to rush.

If the meeting takes place at home, then you need to set the table in advance. Most likely, parents, having heard such a proposal, will already guess what the matter is.

How to overcome fear?

Why is a girl afraid of talking to her mother. The thing is that she is afraid that she will be judged, a scandal and a lot of loud statements will begin in the house. It is about this that her thoughts haunt her and prevent her from starting this conversation. Some do not dare and go to extreme measures, trying to have an abortion on their own or in an unofficial clinic.

If this has arisen, then you should think about the fact that you can’t return time back and unplanned pregnancy there is no way to avoid it, but you still have to talk about it. It is also worth considering that the mother is the most close person but not an enemy.

When the thought of fear arises, it is necessary to think about the happiness that will come at the moment when the baby is born.

How to inform a guy about your pregnancy?

It's hard to meet a young man in early age who is ready to become a father. Therefore, the thought of a potential father's pregnancy can be more shocking than mother girls. To prevent this from happening, the conversation with him must also be softened first by telling touching stories about children and pregnancy of acquaintances and girlfriends.

In no case should you lash out with tantrums and blame the future father for what happened, on the contrary, you need to thank him for this new life. Together with him, you can discuss the question of interest to all women: “ how to tell mom i'm pregnant»?

Of course, I want to believe that this story will continue. wonderful wedding And happy family who are expecting a baby together. But, not all young people are ready to adequately act in such a situation.

If this happens, then the decision on the birth of a child should be made independently, evaluating their opportunities for his upbringing. The Lord gave the baby, many women can only dream of this.

Video: talking to parents about pregnancy

In this video, psychologist Nadezhda Malkova will tell you the easiest way to tell your parents about your pregnancy in order to minimize the shock from this news on their part:

Often, women who find out about their pregnancy experience a feeling of fear, excitement when they get up. how to inform parents about pregnancy. Situations in life are different, in some families the pregnancy of a daughter or daughter-in-law is a long-awaited event and a miracle, in others this news can cause an ambiguous reaction, up to a quarrel. There are a lot of questions - finances, living, marriage. This is the first thing parents might think about when they think of a granddaughter or grandson. It is important to correctly inform the parents about the pregnancy, taking into account the nature of the relationship with them, the circumstances, the social situation in the family. Depending on this, you can choose a convenient way for you to talk about pregnancy in an original way and evoke only positive emotions in your parents!

Simple and effective

In what situation is it best to inform parents about pregnancy, you know better. You can talk about this by phone, at a meeting or arrange small dinner on which to please your loved ones with the news of the replenishment in the family.

Way direct contact is the most effective, however, if you like original forms, creativity in any of its manifestations, then you can safely connect your imagination and notify your parents about pregnancy in an unusual way.

original and meaningful

There are many options for hinting to parents about your pregnancy: neat, talented, unusual and interesting. Some of these methods are listed below.

1. Send a letter or telegram.

Here the fantasy is limitless: you can put an ultrasound picture, a doctor's report in an envelope, write a letter from a baby from the future. This is a great way to notify parents about pregnancy, because receiving such a letter, postcard, telegram will pleasant surprise, after which a storm of emotions will follow, and thanks to the remoteness, there is an opportunity to realize this news and be calmer.

2. Thematic dinner with relatives and friends.

Unexpectedly for everyone, invite your loved ones to dinner. The pretext can be very different, the main thing is to observe the theme of pregnancy, surround the guests with subtle hints. You will be able not only to inform about pregnancy in an original way, but to let your parents guess about your interesting position.

How can you arrange a table:

Dishes and napkins with images of cartoon characters;
children's menu(mashed potatoes for babies, juices, sweets);
cake with the image of booties, angels, an envelope for discharge from the hospital, strollers;
lack of alcohol;
souvenirs hinting at pregnancy.

Guests are unlikely to remain indifferent and reveal your secret. You just have to watch your loved ones and wait for their reaction. In this way, you will not only be able to inform your parents about the pregnancy, but also cheer yourself up!

3. Photos with a hint.

You can also send to parents beautiful photo with ultrasound and sign it. You can draw or arrange a collage of the future, where the baby (the image of the child) will appear. With such a gift, you can please loved ones at a family celebration or just by visiting your parents.

4. Surprise.

It will be interesting to inform your parents about your pregnancy using the surprise effect. For example, when taking a group photo, when everyone is looking into the lens, suddenly say "I'm pregnant!". The main thing is that the photographer has time to capture all the emotions in the picture. Believe me, this is a fantastic sight! Thus, you will be able to inform about pregnancy in an original way, and get a lot of positive emotions!

5. Image on a T-shirt.

If it's coming family celebration, you can come to visit in a T-shirt with a picture of a baby or a corresponding inscription on the abdomen. You do not have to wait for a moment to talk about pregnancy, because this will not hide from the keen eyes of relatives.

Today there is a huge selection of such t-shirts. They can be purchased in stores for expectant mothers, ordered in online stores or made to order, choosing an image and an inscription on your own or from the proposed templates.

6. Birthday present.

If mom or dad has a birthday coming up, and also better anniversary parents' weddings, in addition to traditional gifts, give a photo or a card containing the words "To the future grandmother" or "To the future grandfather." You can also give your gift with the words "And in 9 months there will be another gift!". This is the easiest way to inform parents about pregnancy, but this is only possible if a family event is approaching.

If a negative reaction is expected

Unfortunately, not all families can experience pregnancy as a joyful event. There are many factors that can make things difficult future mother. Issues of financial security, living, employment, paternity - all of them can arise first of all in the head of the parents, and instead of joyful emotions spill into the negative. In this case, how to inform parents about pregnancy in order to smooth sharp corners and not get upset?

There is no single recipe, however, you can use the recommendations of psychologists and put some tips into practice. Knowing some of the subtleties, you will be able to tell your parents about pregnancy calmly and not cause a negative reaction.

Do not forget that the path of life is also filled with obstacles and fears that we need to overcome and boldly move forward. Telling your parents you're pregnant isn't the scariest thing that can happen to you. After a while, after you say everything, it will seem like a far-fetched fear.

Teenagers and parents

The most delicate situation. It is doubly scary for a teenage girl to tell her parents about her pregnancy, since she herself is still socially dependent. There are a lot of questions about paternity, maintenance, education.

First of all, you should understand that it will not be possible to hide the news, you will have to talk about pregnancy. The earlier the better. IN young age timely consultation with a doctor is necessary, and extra stress silence will not be beneficial to health.

Do not be afraid, no matter what the reaction of your parents may be, remember that they love you very much.

As a rule, in each family a closer and closer relationship is maintained with one of the parents. If you intuitively feel that you will hear a good reaction from your dad, you need to tell him about the pregnancy first, or vice versa. Thus, on family council you will already have an ally who by this time will cope with emotions, will be able to constructively conduct a conversation and provide support.

How to tell parents about pregnancy?

1. Serious conversation.

Try to remain calm, the most exciting thing is to say two important words, then it gets easier. The main thing is for the parent to see that you are an adult who approaches this issue with due seriousness. The first reaction of parents can be unpredictable, but then everything returns to normal. After all, both mom and dad dream of grandchildren someday, they just have to get used to the idea that they will become grandparents much earlier than it seemed.

2. Brother or sister.

If you have a brother and sister with whom you are good and warm relationship, share your news with them first. Then you will enlist their support, and it will be much easier to tell your parents about the pregnancy.

3. Behavior.

If talking to your parents scares you so much that you even drive away the mere thought of talking, and don’t even think about implementation, then try to attract attention with your behavior. Be serious, silent, spend a lot of time in your room, give up gatherings with friends. Sensitive parents will certainly notice that something is wrong with you. At the moment of a confidential conversation, you can open up and talk about what worries you.

4. Letter.

Even if the previous method seems scary to you, try leaving a note. Write about your situation, express the idea that you are worried, worried about your future fate. Leave a note, for example, early in the morning when you leave for class. By the time you return, your parents will most likely have calmed down and the conversation will have calmed down.

5. Guy

This option is only available if you have a good relationship with a young man, he supports you in the decision to keep the pregnancy and is ready to be there in the future. Then it is better to talk to the parents with him. His presence will be a support for you, and the parents will understand the seriousness of the young couple and, most likely, will react softer. With the support of the father of the unborn child, it will be much easier to talk about pregnancy.

All parents dream of becoming grandparents, because this is not only family happiness, but also a certain status in society, an indicator of major life achievements. If you are single, or still very young, married or divorced - it does not matter, be sure to tell your parents about your pregnancy. Think about it how to inform parents about pregnancy what method to use for this. You may not immediately see the reaction that you would like to expect, but over time everything will fall into place. You need to get used to the news about pregnancy and gradually accept it. When will be born little man, all past doubts and negativity will become a thing of the past, and your family will have one more particle of happiness and warmth.

How to inform parents about pregnancy, choose yourself, the main thing is to be based on the nature of the parents, the environment and choose the right time.

Original ways to tell your husband about the desired pregnancy

So, the pregnancy has come, but I want to make the day when you tell your husband about it a real holiday. In this case, everything is in your hands.

Festive dinner

You can book a table for two at your favorite restaurant or cook your man's favorite meals at home. And in the process of a feast, you need to inform your loved one in an original way about an “interesting” situation. This can happen in the following ways:

order a cake that says something like "You're the future dad";
ask the performers to sing a song for your husband, from which you can find out about the onset of your pregnancy (you can have them congratulate your spouse themselves).

Ask the performers to sing a song for your husband to let you know you're pregnant

Of course, you can tell your spouse about the onset of pregnancy in the old fashioned way, simply by confessing your position. The choice is yours, because this is only your holiday.

Gift test

You can just leave a pregnancy test for coffee table or where your spouse usually has breakfast. Place the test on a tray and cover it with a lid, towel or box. By the way, you can hide and see how your spouse sees such a “gift” without you.

Photo gallery: how to make a test as a gift

The test can be attached to a note or postcard. Interesting idea: decorate the box thematically and put a surprise and a note with a funny inscription in it. You can prepare several notes and give them to your husband one at a time Test and booties in gift box - perfect solution
Almost everyone well-known manufacturer tests, there are "gift" options that look good on their own. For the test, you can make a nice box of decorative cardboard If needlework is not about you, you can purchase a test in an elegant case.

The test can be packaged in beautiful box, which your spouse will untie and open for a long time, and in the end he will see his gift.

Quests

Quest as a way to communicate good news is chosen by many. You and your spouse will go to a forgotten country and find countless treasures, or solve a crime together, or rob a bank, after which your husband will find an express test in the treasured cell with money.
During the passage of the quest, you and your spouse will solve the crime together, after which he will discover an express test

Of course, you can conduct the quest on your own. You can do this in the following way:

Thematic sweets

In the evening in a cafe or at a homemade dinner, you can put a cake on the table. It may show:

test with two stripes;
the words "You will soon become a dad";
mastic strollers, babies, sliders or booties.

You can talk about pregnancy with the help of a cake with an image of a rapid test

Thanks to such a sweet treat, your spouse will guess everything without words. You can replace the cake with interesting curly cakes, gingerbread or whatever your spouse loves. It is possible that you yourself bake well: then it will not be difficult for you to “cook” a beautiful treat.

Message

The option of sending SMS is rarely chosen, but still it exists. When your husband is in the same room with you, write to him, for example, the following: “Hi dad, I’m in my mother’s tummy now, but in 9 months you will be holding me in your arms.” With a straight face, watch the reaction of your man, which will not keep you waiting.

When your husband is in the same room with you, write him a message about your interesting position and follow the reaction

An original notification can also be made using SMS. When the spouse is asleep, take his phone and rename your name to "Stork". Then write a message: “I flew out, I will be in 9 months!”. When the husband reads this message, be near: so you can track his reaction and immediately receive congratulations.

Cloth

booties;
suits;
bonnets, etc.

Moreover, they will all come in handy very soon. Track the reaction of the spouse, and even better - shoot this moment on camera.
You can announce your pregnancy by hanging things for the newborn around the house.

Shopping

Go to the store with your spouse, take him to the department for pregnant women. Try to make sure that he does not immediately understand which department he is in. Start trying on maternity clothes, ask your husband which one suits you best. Wait until your husband understands what's going on. Take your husband to the department of clothing for expectant mothers and perhaps he will guess everything himself

Good news for a family holiday

If the birthday of one of your relatives or another holiday is planned, then you should wait for this event. During the feast, when everyone will toast, you can say: “Let me drink alcohol now, but I want to congratulate you all on the birth of a new relative, which will happen in 9 months.”

Photo reaction

Gather close relatives, arrange fun party. Wait for it to peak, take a camera and say: "Attention, I'm pregnant!". At this moment, capture the surprised faces of the guests and spouse.
Instead of "Attention, I'm filming" you can say "Attention, I'm pregnant!"

All of the above options are good, but still, in my opinion, you need to choose the one that will please your spouse the most and will not be tiring for him. Think about it in advance and start taking action. As for me, I tritely told my husband about my pregnancy at dinner. He replied that this event should be celebrated, and we immediately went to a restaurant, and then walked for a long time around the evening city. It turns out that it was not me who was preparing to create a holiday, but my husband arranged it for me.

If you are not a fan of publicity, a walk in the city can be a great addition to your news.

Video: 10 Ways to Tell Family and Friends You're Pregnant

How to Tell Your Spouse About an Unexpected or Unwanted Pregnancy

If you and your spouse did not expect pregnancy, then it is best to tell about it not through a message or phone call, but directly. For this, it is important to prepare the husband:

If a man loves you, then he will behave with dignity and will not ask for an abortion.
Not all husbands enthusiastically accept the news of pregnancy, but worthy men after a while they realize that everything is in order

If he is still against the birth of a baby, then you can tell him that you are ready to give birth to a child without his help, since you are completely ready for this. At this moment, he may become ashamed of his cowardice, and he probably won’t want to lose you either. Of course, not every woman is ready for such words, but, of course, it is necessary to defend the right to have a baby.

Some women do not have the courage to tell their husbands that they are pregnant. In this case, you can simply show your spouse a rapid test with two stripes.

All people are different, and you, like no one else, know your chosen one. Therefore, it should be clear to you which arguments will suit him the most. Imagine in advance exactly what nuances of your life together he may be dissatisfied, prepare weighty arguments for this case. And most importantly - do not be afraid, because you still have to report the onset of pregnancy.
It is better to inform the husband about the filling in the family in time so that he has time to comprehend it and mentally prepare to become a father

How not to do

If the spouse is not ready for your pregnancy, then he should not talk about it without preparation. Moreover, do it by phone or send information in the form of an SMS message. Your presence will put him at ease and you will make a decision together.

Video: expert on how to prepare your husband for news of a new addition to the family

How to tell your parents you're pregnant

When communicating important news about the addition to the family to parents importance have circumstances. If mom and dad have been waiting for your pregnancy for a long time, then you can tell them about this event in comic form. For example, invite them to tea, bake cupcakes, in each of which put notes with the text: “Dear grandmother (or dear grandfather)! Wait, I'll be there in 9 months. You can just talk about your pregnancy at the common table.

If you don’t know in advance how your parents will behave, then it’s better in a narrow family circle start talking about children. So you will see the reaction of the older generation. If they give arguments that it is too early for you to have a child, then you can answer that you are already ready for this and, after giving weighty arguments, tell about your situation.
If you do not know in advance how the parents will behave, then it is better to start a conversation about children in a narrow family circle.

How to Tell Your Parents When an Underage or Unmarried Young Woman is Pregnant

Try to prepare your parents as much as possible for such important news if you are not married or underage:

Set the table, invite mom and dad.
Start a conversation with the fact that your friend without a husband (or a minor) gave birth to a baby. Look at the reaction of the parents.
Develop the topic by giving arguments in favor of having a baby. If your parents reacted normally to this, then tell them that you are expecting a child.
If not, then calmly continue to argue in favor of having children in general.
And after that, report the pregnancy, because you still have to do it.

Remember that parents are not always ready for such information. They may need a little time to comprehend the situation and respond positively to you. Give them a chance to gather their thoughts and don't make premature decisions.

The best thing you can do is bring in a conversation with a close relative who is in authority with your parents, or your chosen one. But this should only be done if you expect a negative reaction from the parents.

Video: how to tell mom about pregnancy

Before you tell loved ones about your pregnancy, think about how they might react to this event. Prepare for the fact that mom will have to calm down, and a man may not always behave the way you expected. If you are sure of his reaction, then let your message become a real holiday, which you can prepare in advance for yourself and your loved one.

Pregnancy at a young age for a girl is much more stress and shock than for mature woman ready to give birth to a child and provide for him financially. But life often surprises us. And even if you were confident in your young man and contraceptives, then the onset of pregnancy suggests that not everything in this world lends itself to planning and control.

Why is it difficult to tell parents?

For young girls who are financially dependent on their parents, their own "interesting position" also becomes a test of psychological stability. Indeed, regardless of whether she is going to give birth to a child or terminate a pregnancy, the parents of a minor girl will sooner or later find out about it.

Telling your mom you're pregnant can be tricky anyway. Even if you have with her trusting relationship, and you understand each other, like close friends, for her this is likely to be an unpleasant surprise.

Less often, there are cases when future grandparents sincerely rejoice at the upcoming addition of the family, even if their daughter is not married and lives with them. But do not hope for a good outcome of the situation, be prepared for a negative reaction from your parents. Understand that for them this is an indicator not only of their own pedagogical incompetence, but also the torment of choice. After all, the decision is yours minor child and the responsibility for its consequences will still fall on their shoulders.

Be patient and courageous, but don't take too long to tell your mom the big news.

Decide for yourself what you want

Before you tell your parents about pregnancy, think first of all: do you want to become a mother at such a young age? Are you ready to take responsibility for a small life that will depend entirely on you? Will you willingly give up all the joys of youth and youth that are due to you at your age?

Many girls secretly hope that after giving birth to a child, they will be able to entrust it to their grandparents, and they themselves will continue to lead a simple and cheerful lifestyle, go to discos, have fun, as before pregnancy. And this state of affairs is extremely wrong. After all, they give birth to children for themselves, and not for someone else.

Think beyond yourself

Be honest and fair not only to yourself, but also to your parents: they are not obliged to bear this burden of responsibility for you and change their lives so drastically. After all, a baby is not only joy, but also a great moral and material burden.

Sleepless nights, childhood illnesses, clinics, vaccinations, complementary foods and much more will have to be experienced again by your mother, who is by no means young and not so energetic. She can sacrifice her plans for a quiet, prosperous life next to her beloved husband for you. But answer for yourself: is it fair on your part in relation to her? Especially if you are still financially dependent, then the entire financial burden of providing for the child will fall on your parents, who dreamed, for example, of traveling or building a summer cottage outside the city.

If you have a difficult relationship with your parents

If you already know what you are going to do, it will be easier to tell your parents about the pregnancy. The most difficult thing about informing your parents about your pregnancy is finding the very first words. This can be especially difficult if:

You and your parents have a difficult and tense relationship.
You often heard criticism addressed to you, they didn’t believe in you or took you lightly.
You were brought up in strictness and in traditional patriarchal values.
Your parents did not approve of your choice of a young man.

In this case, be prepared to take on a flurry of criticism and even outright insults.

Even though you have complicated relationship, your parents remain the parents who are responsible for you. And the pregnancy of their daughter at the age of 16-18 becomes an extra reminder for them that they could not save, instill right attitude to the guys and did not warn against mistakes.

Be calm and patient, try to refrain from retaliatory attacks and in no case blame in response.

Indeed, in fact, they are not to blame for the fact that you and your young man were careless. Just ride out the storm that can't last forever. Your parents have the right to be angry and you just have to be patient. All the same, the problem will have to be solved together.

How to start a conversation?

You still do not know how to tell your parents about pregnancy, how to start a conversation? Practice shows that it is better not to use lengthy prefaces, but to try to say everything as clearly and unambiguously as possible. The example from the film Juno is very good in this regard, which tells the story of a 16-year-old schoolgirl who was not afraid to take responsibility for her mistake.

“Mom, dad, I want to tell you something important. I'm pregnant ... "- the best option. No need to say unnecessary words and immediately after that start making excuses. Give them time to digest the information and deal with the shock.

Give up in advance your ideas about how loved ones should react to the news.

Even if you have imagined in detail the response of your father or mother, it is better to discard the script of the conversation and let it take its course. negative emotions- this is not a sign that they hate or despise you, but an indicator that they care about you and they were afraid for you and your life.

Common Mistakes

Many girls are so afraid of a negative reaction from their parents that they cannot find right words how to tell mom that they are in a position. After all, young people often want to relieve themselves of responsibility and come up with various stories sometimes completely unbelievable. Here are some options for explanations that do not need to be adopted:

“I was swimming in a river/pool and accidentally got pregnant.” Such an explanation can only be believed by the extremely dim-witted and uneducated. If your parents are intelligent successful people with a higher education, then such an explanation will only anger and upset them more, because in their eyes you will look not only dissolute, but also a stupid or outright liar. Believe me, it is physically impossible to get pregnant, even if a nearby man pours his seed into the water, and you swim without swimming trunks. Pregnancy occurs only with a full-fledged sexual intercourse, with full contact of the female and male genital organs. And even then not with every unprotected sexual contact. Various myths about the “sister of a friend of a classmate of my neighbor’s son”, who became pregnant just by taking a dip in the pool, are lies and obscurantism.
"I was raped." This explanation may sound more plausible in terms of the resulting pregnancy. But you should not think that this is how you solve the problem. It should be understood that rape is a severe psychological trauma for a girl, from which her behavior, reactions and actions change. Being a victim of violence is not as easy to portray as it seems, even if you have acting talent. In addition, parents will ask you for details, wanting to find and punish the perpetrators. Most likely, they will want to go to the police, and you will have to testify. Law enforcement officers will quickly “bite through” your lies. Even if you try to throw the blame on any man or guy from your environment, you still won’t be able to prove it, and you risk ruining the life of an innocent person. Tell me do you need it? It is better to simply confess that they were careless and lost their heads from passion.
"My boyfriend promised to marry me, but then he refused." This option can work and partially relieve you of responsibility for the onset of pregnancy if you had a casual relationship and you never see the father of the child. But there are pitfalls here too. Your parents, if they know your young man, can start looking for him, contact his parents to resolve the conflict. If a young man did not express his intention to marry you, then the actions of loved ones can only anger him and push him away from you.
“I will run away from home if you force me to have a baby/abortion.” This is also not a very constructive approach, especially if you have a difficult relationship with your loved ones. No need to try to manipulate or pressure - this will further disappoint them and force them to act more harshly. In life, such difficulties often bring children and parents closer together, forcing them to seek a compromise together. Set aside emotions and listen to your parents calmly: they have a right to this, because they are still responsible for you. Abortion has both contraindications and indications. If your parents want to educate you so that you will receive Good work and arranged their lives, then they may be against the birth of a child at such a young age. But if in your family women from generation to generation have difficulty conceiving and bearing, then your mother can convince you to leave the child.
“It’s all your fault, you brought me up badly, you didn’t pay attention to me.” Such accusations are unlikely to work as you intended. An attempt to cause guilt in parents in order to relieve oneself of responsibility for one's life and health is an indicator of infantile and psychologically immature individuals, which is very disappointing. Even good qualified teachers and loving parents they cannot 100% insure their child against the mistakes of youth, including from “flights”.

And if you think logically, then what is the connection in the fact that you entered into intimate relationship with a man and the way your mom and dad raised you? You are no longer a child, and your body, under the influence of hormones, has demanded that you satisfy the physical desire for intimacy. This is not the fault or merit of the parents, and your attempt to blame them for the pregnancy is dishonest and dishonorable. If you thought you were old enough to have sex, live up to that notion by taking responsibility.

If you intend to give birth to a child, then it is very important to make sure that he has a father with whom you need to keep good relations. friendly relations. And scandals and humiliation from your parents do not contribute to this.

Trust the experience and wisdom of adults, which they have more than you. It is possible that in the future you will thank them for making such a decision.

Summing up

If you become pregnant, then sooner or later this condition will require you to make a decision - to give birth to a child or get rid of an unplanned pregnancy. If you are not yet 18 years old, and you are financially dependent on adults, then you will have to tell you about your “interesting position”. In the hospital, you will need parental permission to go for an abortion. A growing belly and nausea in the morning will not go unnoticed by mom or dad. Therefore, it is better to immediately inform them about your pregnancy. We do this:

Calmly.
Without many words.
Without allowing hysterics and accusations.
Without absurd and false explanations.

Be that as it may, your family and friends should take care of you while you are in their care. Trust older and more experienced people in life who sincerely wish you well, and you will make the right decision for you.

"Mom, I'm pregnant!" Why are women so often afraid to say this phrase for the first time? If we are talking about an unmarried young girl, this can somehow be understood. But why do adult women who have everything in order experience such fear? loving husband, a separate apartment, and a child (whether the first, second, third, fifth ...) - they expect with joy?

The situation is commented by the psychologist Alla Hvan.

It is noticed that in modern society, today's women really sometimes have a fear of motherhood. Motherhood does not really fit into the values of this society: self-realization, career, achievements ... Future motherhood is beginning to be perceived as a boundary between normal life and that life where all popular values seem inaccessible.

Against this background, the fear of admitting pregnancy is quite understandable. But he himself is, in a sense, just a shadow. And the figure that gives this shadow is in fact the need for mother's support and the uncertainty that she will receive it.

Previously, the older woman, the mother, helped in childbirth, took the child, washed, taught the young how to feed, she remembered how her mother did the same for her. A modern woman somewhere inside, in her subconscious, has a need for this experience, for her mother to say: “Don't be afraid, I'm there, everything will be fine.”

Today, in more traditional cultures and families where this continuity has been preserved - in each family there are many children, and no one has any thoughts that talking about pregnancy is scary. Where there is a third, there is a fourth; where there is a fifth, there is a sixth. It is normal, natural and harmonious - the birth of a child.

In modern society, indeed, with the birth of a child, a woman will have to drastically change her life. And she wants to count on her mother's help in this.

But mom has her own doubts, her own expectations from her daughter. Often she does not want her daughter to sit at home, to be a housewife. As a rule, a modern mother sees her daughter modern woman, successful, reaching career heights. And not every mother approves when her daughter wants to make a stop in this or even turn off the “right” path. Hand on heart, an “unsuccessful” daughter deprives the mother of the opportunity to consider herself a “successful” mother.

And then - it turns out to be unimportant whether the woman is expecting the first child, or the second or third. She begins to worry that her mother will say: “What a wrong time! Why are you doing this now. You will miss the chance to advance, to succeed.” The most interesting thing is that mothers don’t tell this to someone in the end, but fears that they will say - still remain. Sometimes this happens because the daughter did not have the experience of experiencing unconditional acceptance by her mother.

So, voluntarily or involuntarily, it is perceived as an event that can ruin life or change it irrevocably ...

What until recently was natural and self-evident: “Pregnancy is not a disease”, is now sometimes perceived differently. And if a woman "decides" on the third, on the fourth - she seems either a heroine or not quite in her mind. In any case, her decision looks somewhat extravagant.

Who is responsible for what?

When women who are expecting a child (I repeat, it doesn’t matter if it’s the first, second or sixth child) call the Helpline on issues of unplanned pregnancy, their fears are especially understandable if they live in an apartment with their mother, are financially dependent on her or she looks after the child. In such cases, we discuss with the caller, where is whose responsibility and for what. After all, the truth has not yet been canceled life rule"Whose responsibility is the power."

If a woman takes on this responsibility, it is easier for her to build a dialogue with her mother. She can say: “Yes, mom, I understand that you are tired. I am very grateful to you for your help. But I will not kill my child ... ”Further there may already be a completely businesslike conversation about how she sees her duties, what she will do for this child. And then it turns out that the story is not about money and not about square meters.

When I listen to the caller to our line about her fears and doubts, how to finally inform my mother, at some point I pay attention that she speaks and thinks only like a daughter, and not at all like future mother. And it turns out that the same woman thinks, feels and even sounds differently, depending on who she now recognizes herself as, a negligent daughter or a future mother.

Her priorities are changing: what is really important to her, what she considers right for herself and the child. Childish resentments and fears go somewhere, patience, wisdom, and gratitude appear. She will be able to start a conversation with her mother and this will probably be a dialogue, a search for solutions, and not mutual reproaches and accusations.

What's going on with mom

When tension arises between close people, it would be better to figure out what is wrong?

It does not hurt to be attentive and see what is really happening with mom. It is clear that she has her anxieties, experiences. There may be, among other things, selfish fears that here she is, already an elderly, sick woman. She implicitly hoped that everything had already settled down, she had done everything she could, and now she could be calm: her grandchildren were growing up. And now the situation is changing. Moreover, the mother may not internally admit this to herself, but say: “I’m worried about you, you will create poverty, you yourself will remain without work, you will turn into an old woman, you won’t be able to educate your children.”

Maybe, mom picture about what a daughter's life should be at all does not coincide with the reality and ideas of her daughter.

Or she got used to more or less controlling her daughter, and then suddenly the situation got out of control and she was just scared. After all, sometimes people control others not from malice, but from a certain distrust of life.

It is likely that mom is really scared, or lonely, or she lacks attention.

How to talk to your mom about pregnancy

Girls often call the helpline and say: "I'm afraid to tell my mother about the pregnancy." I'm starting to figure out what they're afraid of. It turns out - screams, scandals, sometimes they formulate: “She will kill me!” When I ask them how they think their mother will feel after this news, the girls think deeply.

At some point, they suddenly realize that nothing terrible will happen, well, mom will scream from strong feelings(not the first and not last time), and indeed, strange as it may seem, it is such a form of love and care. This awareness helps them to treat what is happening as a natural phenomenon, “a thunderstorm in early May”, for example.

Expecting a predictable reaction, you can prepare a glass of water, heart drops.

It's important to feel confident. Because only calm confidence will be a kind of deterrent for the development of the conflict.

If the conflict continues

We proceed from a situation where you want to save the world. The main thing is to speak like a human being, showing that your mother is a person dear to you. “Mom, I see that you are worried, nervous. You are so important to me and it is important for me that we hear each other. Understand that this is not a whim, this is our child and it hurts me when you ... ”That is, the rule is simple - do not ignore the feelings of another and your own too.

Resentment and the search for the guilty will definitely not advance you. You need to look at the situation not with the eyes of an offended girl, but of a woman who knows what all this is for, what she is fighting for, who builds a calm and good world for your baby.

If mom is worried about objective reasons, for example, because your daughter has health problems, it is especially important to show that you are able to take care of your health. Tell your mother which doctors you have already consulted with, under the supervision of which - you are going to be observed. The reverse law just works here: "whose power is that and responsibility."