How can you tell if a man is trying to manipulate a woman in a relationship? Always be in the mood

If the reins of controlling destiny are in the hands of another, then it is most difficult to discover your own contribution to the development of such relationships. The main thing to understand here is that manipulation cannot arise out of nothing - two hands are needed to clap. What tricks does the manipulator use? What is the secret of his power and “invincibility”? And what is your contribution to this relationship?

Manipulation- is not the same as influence. Influence is considered an important criterion for healthy social functioning. For example, each of us influences others in one way or another to achieve our goals, but influence takes into account the boundaries of others and is based on direct and open interaction. Influence, by and large, is the art of convincing your partner and having a discussion with him, while maintaining respectful attitude to your opponent’s position and taking into account the possibility of his disagreement with you.

The manipulator is accustomed to achieving his goals at the expense of the person he manipulates; his manipulations are based on hidden influence and coercion. And although the manipulator may seem strong and controlling, he is not. Usually, behind the façade of unscrupulousness and pressure lies self-doubt. Treating others as a commodity or thing, violating social norms is evidence of the insoluble personal conflicts of the manipulator himself. Chronic manipulators do not have loved ones trust relationships, they are simply not capable of them.

The manipulator has an excellent nose for his potential victims; he always very accurately distinguishes between those who will “play along” with him and who will not. If the manipulator understands that a person will not fall for his tricks, then he without hesitation switches to a more receptive and flexible victim.

You are easy to manipulate if:

You only feel appreciated and loved when you fulfill the wishes of others. If you are constantly trying to be “good” and please others, then your sense of self-worth is directly dependent on your ability to please others and do what pleases them, not you. This can go so far that you start pleasing others at the expense of respect for yourself. For example, you may buy something especially expensive for your partner or friend, while you would never dare to spend such an impressive amount on yourself.

It is vital for you to receive the approval and acceptance of others. Most people strive to gain the approval of their loved ones, this is not surprising. The problem arises when you feel the need for approval for your every word or action. In this case, you are controlled by the fear of being rejected and it is so strong that you are ready to do anything to avoid this unpleasant feeling. At the beginning of a relationship, a manipulator gives you the approval you need and then manipulates you by threatening to take it away.

Are you afraid to express negative emotions . Expressing rage and anger in conflict situations is never a pleasant experience, which is why some people will do anything to avoid confrontation and leave things as they are. Expressing fear, anger and anger can be a “taboo”, the violation of which will result in inevitable punishment. The manipulator knows this and all he has to do is raise his voice or get “angry” and it’s done.

You are unable to say NO. Healthy Relationships- this is, first of all, respecting personal boundaries and the ability to say “no” even more than the ability to say “yes”. The manipulator knows how much you are afraid of conflict if you say “no,” so it costs him nothing to go beyond all reasonable limits and stab you in the heart.

You don't have a clear picture of yourself. Force confident person is about knowing yourself, your values, priorities, desires and weaknesses. Confident people always know exactly what they want to get from life; it is impossible to force something on them against their will. If you don’t know what you want, then it’s difficult for you to make independent decisions and rely on yourself, and without clear ideas about yourself, you will always be an easy target for a manipulator who will gladly decide for you what you need and what you don’t.

How does the manipulator work?

The law of relationship development says that manipulation should progress over time. First, the manipulator “breaks the ground” and finds out how far you will allow it to go. A manipulator is a person with a subtle mindset, he will not try to manipulate you at the very beginning of a relationship, he understands that first he will have to study you, observe you, find out your weaknesses and only then turn them against you to achieve his own selfish goals .

As a rule, manipulators plan their maneuvers ahead of time, but they always have the opportunity to “adjust the program” for a specific victim or situation. Any tricks are used: lies, screams, feigning ailments and diseases, resentment, ignoring, silent reproaches, small and large dirty tricks...

There are two main and fail-safe mechanisms for manipulating others:

The first mechanism is the promise of benefits, changes in better side, improvements, growth. In this situation, the manipulator will reinforce your actions with all sorts of promises and promises. He will “guarantee” you certain results if you agree to follow his needs and desires (“I will continue to communicate with you if you stop being friends with Petya,” “I will respect you if you do as I said”) .

The second mechanism is the threat of loss, deprivation, loss, damage. In this case, the manipulator threatens the victim with the loss of something valuable and significant for her if she does not agree to fulfill the will of the manipulator (“I will ignore you until you change your mind”).

It is worth considering that skilled manipulators use more veiled “if/then” structures that are not so easy to recognize.

The manipulator is always driven by selfish motives, even if he denies it. The only criterion that guides him in his relationships with others is the “worth” of a person, so it is useless to talk to him about spirituality, human values ​​and other high matters; for a manipulator these are just words that he has learned to skillfully juggle in order to control others.

What should I do?

Do not try to “outmanipulate” the manipulator - this will only make you more vulnerable. Remember, you cannot change the behavior of another, all you can do is change your own reactions to the other person's attempts to manipulate you, so focus on your changes.

Also, you will not change anything if you want to re-educate the manipulator by pointing out his “imperfections”. Manipulators are not capable of empathy, so do not share your deepest feelings with them if you do not want this information to be used against you.

Learn to accept your emotions, because the more feelings you allow yourself to experience, the more difficult it is to manipulate you and the “less convenient” you become for the manipulator. Accepting your feelings will help you maintain self-respect and build relationships where there is no room for manipulation. You can disarm the manipulator by calling a spade a spade: “we both understand that you like to play on my feelings, but you know that this will no longer work with me.” Don’t threaten, just stand in your position: “either we communicate like two adults, or not at all.”

If the manipulator is trying to persuade you to make a decision that you doubt, then you can answer as follows: “I will tell you my answer after I think about it.” Don't start making excuses. When the manipulator wants to know why you took time to answer, simply repeat again: “I need more time to think about everything.” If the manipulator is not ready for such a development in the relationship, then he will simply leave you and go in search of someone else.

For some reason, society has become accustomed to the fact that cunning, tricks, that is, manipulation in relationships are more characteristic of the female half of humanity. There is some grain of truth in this. Indeed, by their nature, women are afraid to be left alone with their problems, so they resort to all kinds of influences, because of which the man will do what she needs. Why is this happening? Everything is rooted in ancient times. When did the first " married couple"on Earth, there was already a need to strengthen it and the primitive woman already knew how to manipulate her husband. Moreover, not only people, but also animals are subject to manipulation by each other. After all, in the world of fauna, males are obliged to do a little more than their females, with the exception of species in which it is every man for himself.

And women even more so had to resort to this kind of tricks in order not to lose their only breadwinner, who could be lured away by another female at any moment. In short, all this is as old as time.

But how do male manipulations differ from female ones, and do they really take place among us?

What is male manipulation in relationships?

We would like to note right away that the overwhelming number of psychologists are confident that the female half suffers from the tricks of men no less than the stronger sex. Moreover, men’s manipulations are more insidious and are not always used in order to preserve relationships or create them for harmonious coexistence. Since they, unlike the weaker sex who want to save the marriage, pursue a completely different goal, which we will talk about a little later.

Important: there is one thing, but - men are sure that they are not manipulators, and their actions are a consequence of the behavior of exalted, eccentric and hysterical girls. Moreover, they certainly know that controlling people with the help of tricks and cunning is the lot of all women, without exception.

Whatever they say, our dear representatives of the strong half of humanity, they are still sinful in their ability to use human weaknesses. What are these weaknesses, what mental problems can be influenced and manipulated? Women have such feelings as guilt, jealousy, responsibility and, of course, dependence on their love. This is where the manipulator takes it out on them.

Who is he - a manipulator

To understand the problem of control of your life by the stronger sex, let's find out what a manipulator is.

Probably many of us, unfortunately, are familiar with the situation when a man takes advantage of the feelings of a woman in love in the most unscrupulous way. And what’s offensive is that such “types” are a dime a dozen in our society. As soon as the one he loves falls into their “paws”, not even a couple of months will pass before she turns into a silent, all-pleasing creature, a silent lamb, ready to fulfill all his whims. But what’s even worse is that having turned her into such a pliable servant, men completely lose interest in her.

As a result, she remains a servant for the rest of her life, or is thrown out of life as an unnecessary object. And what you wanted - a silent woman, ready to please - is no longer a person, but an object. It also happens that an insolent man simply mocks the one who agreed to become his shadow, even to the point of physical violence. So it makes sense to read the article to the end and understand whether he is manipulating you and how innocent or provocative his actions are.

Any normal person When faced with a situation in which the manipulator is simply mocking his victim, he will feel sorry for the woman.

Moreover, her role, as a rule, is played by disliked, modest, well-mannered and timid natures, unable to resist the aggressor and amenable to manipulation like a doll on joints. They are very susceptible to both psychological and moral pressure. You can sculpt whatever you want out of them, like a cake from plasticine.

The same cannot be said about those who fight back against any type of influence, both physiological and psychological, but these are strong, balanced, self-respecting women. They would rather deceive a man than get caught in the net of an evil manipulator. But even among these, there are those who become victims of male tricks, but usually they quickly see through the true essence of a person and escape from his clutches. Based on all of the above, we understand one thing: anyone can be exposed. To prevent this from happening, you need to learn to distinguish who is in front of you - a manipulator or a person who unconditionally loves you.

How to identify a manipulator

To convict such a person, it is necessary to know by heart the qualities of his character. We already know that such types often prey on timid and gullible girls. So, as soon as the acquaintance begins, he will immediately begin to pour oil into his ears and ask such questions that the woman will be ready to immediately go down the aisle with him. He inspires trust, his words speak of participation and kindness. And what ladies usually do is melt and immediately begin to share the most intimate, which is her main mistake. After all, it is detailed information about her and her loved ones is exactly what is needed.

He is especially interested in stories about her failures and unsightly situations. And if he is an experienced and talented manipulator, he will be able to extract this from a gullible lady. Further worse - he uses negativity to his advantage. No, we are not talking about open blackmail. It’s just that as time goes on, he will now and then reproach her for past misdeeds. Thus, he awakens in her a feeling of shame, guilt, duty, femininity, etc. And it comes to the point that a woman feels insignificant, worthless, sinful, unscrupulous. In short, the worst in the world. To understand how negatively such a man’s attitude towards a woman can affect, we offer an illustrative example. We would like to point out right away that the story is difficult.

“Veronica met Kirill at the bus stop. Circumstances so happened that she had her car repaired and was forced to get to work by bus. As it turned out, approximately the same story happened to Kirill. Only he didn’t send it for repairs, but sold his car and was now going to a car dealership to purchase a brand new foreign car.

Veronica is the real embodiment female beauty and tenderness. A lot of men were running after her, but she took a liking to this young man and that’s it. In addition, she was captivated by the following simple situation. She did not have a ticket, and the conductor became indignant about this. Here Kirill came to the rescue. They started dating, then she moved in with him.

We lived for about two months. And then she began to notice that he stopped having feelings for her. And on you, pregnancy. She informed Kira, but he flatly demanded to get rid of the baby. Vera listened and did fatal mistake. When she was recovering from anesthesia, he came to the clinic with a huge bouquet colors. It felt like congratulations on getting rid of the child. She was in great pain, she was destroyed, humiliated. Further - worse. Still, she forgave Kira for his cruelty and selfishness. And he realized that she could be manipulated in any way, because she forgave the unforgivable. This means she is head over heels in love and will agree to anything.

To begin with, he invited her to break up, she cried. Kirill led her to the bathroom - pointed to the mop and rags, then to the kitchen - and pointed with his finger at the stove, pots, pans. In short, he made her a housekeeper, a slave who did not have to pay anything. Moreover, he could use her intimate services at any time and she, no matter how terrible it may be, was happy. It was enough for her to have him nearby. And how he treats her doesn’t matter.

About 2 weeks later, he brought a new passion into the house with him and, without shame in front of Vera, retired with her in the bedroom. It is not known how long it would have lasted this situation and what would our heroine have become if not for the sudden visit of her father. He was shocked by what he saw, his daughter turned into a silent and timid creature, a lamb ready to do anything for the sake of her loved one. Fortunately, the man managed to put the insolent manipulator in his place, but Vera also heard a lot of unflattering expressions about herself. He took his daughter, treated him for a long time with psychologists, even went to a psychiatrist, and she seemed to come to her senses, and Kirya spent six months recovering from the beatings.”

What do you think of this real-life example? Agree - the story is terrible. In a matter of weeks, you can turn a beauty into a free cleaning lady and destroy her essence, humiliate her in any way you like. And how beautifully it all started, he protected her from the usher, giving her his ticket, in the first days he arranged surprises, gave flowers, etc. and so on. Is it worth being exposed to such influence and or does it still make sense to preserve your human face. No, we do not want to claim that such examples are common in life. Usually manipulations are intended to strengthen family relations, obtaining benefits and even as a game to stimulate intimate “appetite”.

Is it always bad to be manipulated?

Most confidently believe that a man who manipulates his lady is a scoundrel and an intriguer. But let’s not be so harsh in our expressions and think about those who manipulate for a reason strong feelings. Perhaps the man is too in love, attached to his passion and resorts to various kinds tricks so as not to let her go even one step.

Moreover, if there is no hint of insult, humiliation or deception in his actions, it makes sense to value this relationship and never break it.

According to psychologists, the overwhelming majority of women believe that men should live their lives. They are obliged to earn good money, give their time to her and her family, guess her desires, dreams, do all the work, etc.

Why do we think that someone owes us something? In this life, no one owes anyone anything! The only correct position in relations between people is the mutual exchange of goods, services, courtesies and even, if you like, feelings. We all understand that a one-sided feeling does not bring pleasure, but rather is a tragedy.

Many women simply need moral and psychological influence. Needless to say, among them there are obstinate, capricious, eccentric, spoiled and simply arrogant. Now let’s study what the main types of manipulation by men are.

How men control women

So, what are these moments, thanks to which men seem to keep their beloved women close to them and receive moral, physical and even material benefits? First things first.

Doesn't notice the efforts of his beloved. Just like girls, men love to create intrigue. They don't want the woman to understand that he likes her. And in order to confirm this idea, men try to hide their interest and pretend that they do not see the efforts of the chosen one to please him. Subtle and skillful move. Well, which one normal girl Do you like this kind of “ignore”? It should be noted right away that this situation is not so offensive. The method helps strengthen relationships and increases a man’s self-esteem. And She, in turn, now does everything to attract the attention of the person of interest. The only thing is that if a man plays blind, there is a high risk of losing his relationship and his beloved.

And I would like to tell the ladies, do not tolerate someone who resorts to the “not noticing” method too often; apparently, this is a spoiled man who does not know the limits of his selfishness.

Makes you jealous. To force a woman to open up about her feelings, to make her fear losing her loved one, a man can pretend to pay attention to the other. No, he doesn’t need her, he’s really passionate about one and only one, but he still wants to “rinse” her nerves and arouse keen interest. Well, such games are not uncommon among young people who want to diversify their relationships. The main thing is not to go too far and not lead to a scandal, a showdown and a complete break.

He promises “mountains of gold.” If this happens before an intimate relationship has taken place, consider that you have already been subjected to powerful manipulation. No matter how offensive it may be for ladies to read this about themselves, by their nature most of the fairer sex are mercantile. Don't be offended, quality is inherent in nature. We fulfill reproductive function, which means they must be ensured and confident in tomorrow. So, out of a desire to receive benefits, we agree to have sex, but then we realize that we have become a victim of a manipulator. As soon as the sex scene comes to an end, the man loses interest in the girl and forgets about his promises. Of course, this does not always happen, but quite often, especially among young people. It is worth saying that this is quite dangerous look manipulation.

Powerful disappointment can cause psychological distress, and a woman risks completely losing trust in the opposite sex.

He humiliates. The meanest and cruel look manipulation. Only an insidious and selfish type is capable of doing such a thing. The method consists of hints, or even direct insults, humiliations, in which he points out her ugliness, unkempt appearance

Advice for men - if you want your companion to look better, work on herself, expand her horizons, lose overweight– do it carefully. Don’t kill the woman in her; on the contrary, create motivation, which is also manipulation. For example, go to Gym together, or visit the pool together, etc.

Pressure. How often do we hear reproaches from men towards women: “What would you do without me?”, “How would you survive?”, “I support my family,” “I did an excellent renovation,” etc. Most often, ladies hear this from their husbands, who are constantly busy at work. But at the same time, for some reason, a man does not want to think about who creates comfort and warmth in the house, who raises children, feeds them, cooks, washes, cleans, irons, etc. Illustrative examples sea, here is one of them:

“Kostya worked the best in his office and had a great career. I fell in love with Natasha at first sight, the guys got married and within 5 years life together, they had three children. But from time to time Konstantin wanted to get out of the house, visit a sports cafe or bowling alley with friends. Natalya was naturally against it, because she also has a hard time. Work in the house never ends, and a woman also has the right to rest.

During the altercation, Kostya inadvertently pointed out that he feeds the whole family, and Natasha sits at home all day. And she decided to teach him a lesson. The next weekend, I packed my things and went to visit my parents in another city, leaving my husband with the children. At the same time, he agreed with all his relatives and friends that no one would help him. When she arrived, she was shocked by what she saw. The house is a mess, Konstantin is able to nervous breakdown, there is nothing to eat, all the children’s clothes are covered in ice cream, ketchup and jam. Of course, now he understood what a mistake he had made in reproaching his wife for “idleness.”

Manipulates parents. It is important for every woman that her husband and parents find mutual mutual language, were friends, treated with respect. But quite often, before becoming a husband, he already has a negative attitude towards his mother-in-law and father-in-law. In order to force her to make concessions on some issues, for example, to go fishing, bowling, or a sports club without a scandal, he can promise to communicate respectfully and decently with her mother. Of course, in order for an atmosphere of mutual understanding and friendliness to reign in the family, she will take such steps. But believe me, if he took advantage of this situation once, he will do it again. So he will blackmail with relationships.

Creates conflicts. This situation most often occurs among newlyweds. The “male” who has not had enough time tends to go to nightclubs by the end of the week and spend time with his company. But he is already married and it won’t be possible to just leave home like in the old days. What to do? The only way out is to create conflict situation, thanks to which you can slam the doors and supposedly “go” to live with your parents. The weekend will pass, the parties will end and the hubby, satisfied with his “exploits,” appears on the doorstep. A couple of words of repentance and she is ready to forgive.

What to do?

1. Pay attention to whether this situation repeats itself “clockwise” every week or at least once every two weeks or month.
2. If he decides to go to his parents, don’t be lazy and check whether he really calms his nerves within the walls of his parents’ house.
3. For what reasons does he stir up a quarrel? Is a small thing worth bringing the conflict to such an extent that it slams doors. Try at least once not to follow his lead. Even if this doesn’t help, wave your hand after him and don’t let him back in. Let him choose either you or a free bachelor life.

Scares that he will take the children. This method even more insidious than humiliation. The most important thing for every woman is her children. And if a man with whom he no longer has the strength to live is afraid that he will take the children, the woman is ready to silently endure all his antics. He constantly makes scandals, insults, and even drinks, she is intimidated. This situation, unfortunately, is not uncommon. And what’s disgusting is that women resort to this method of manipulation and retention, regardless of social status. Let's say more, rich men force their wives, in whom they have already lost physical interest, to endure mistresses and a lot of antics on the side, otherwise they will take away their joint children.

We have studied the main methods by which men easily manage emotions and actions gullible women. This is not to say that they are all so dangerous and offensive. And if this is so, you can find common ground and contact. It is much worse if a woman is subjected to humiliation, threats, and insults. There should be no room for doubt here. If there is a cruel, aggressive person nearby who is trying to entangle you in the web of his influence and wants to make a slave out of you, break off the relationship and run away. And in other cases, look for ways to get around his games of manipulation or succumb to them, as if playfully, in order to add variety to family life.

Bye everyone.
Best regards, Vyacheslav.

The usual way of organizing relationships between a man and a woman is manipulation. Is it possible to have a relationship free from manipulation? Is it possible to build relationships without manipulation?

How can you tell if your relationship is suffering from manipulation?

This is confirmed by questions like:

• How can I get him to listen to me?
• How to instill neatness in her?
• Quarrels and scandals, as well as ultimatums, threats and prohibitions.

Naturally, at the beginning, neither men nor women want to build relationships according to “military” conditions. However, over time, it turns out that partners not only do not like each other, do not respect each other and do not act as equals, but also see each other as people with whom they can and should wage war.

It is not surprising that in such conditions families break up, men find mistresses or get divorced. No one wants to live according to the orders and direction of another person, since both partners are adults who have the right to independently decide what to do and how to live.

First you should understand the fact that you are building a love union not with your dad (mom), not with a friend or with a slave who satisfies your desires, but with an adult man or an adult woman.

Before you stands an adult, independent, mature person with his own desires, rights and freedom. He is the same as you, only of the opposite sex.

He has the right to allow himself whatever he wants and whatever you allow yourself. Respect your partner as a person who will independently decide what kind of person she should be and what kind of life she should live.

Secondly, understand the rules of love.

First you need to understand the fact that you are building a relationship with an already formed person. You won't be able to mold it again.

• Love, but don't keep him close to you.
• Appreciate, but without reasoning.
• Join someone's life rather than intrude on it.
• Ask, but don't demand.
• Help, but don't reproach.

Don't become a dictator to your loved one. He is not your slave, not a thing, and not a child with whom you can do whatever you want.

Your partner is free to decide for himself. Moreover, don't ask for help if your partner won't or can't help. He also has his own problems on which he spends his energy. And perhaps you are asking for something that contradicts the principles of your loved one.

Respect your partner, no matter how imperfect he may be. You yourself chose such a spouse, so you value what you yourself chose.

You were given the choice of anyone, and you chose him (her). This means that this is the person you need to keep on an equal footing with you, love and understand so that your relationship is strong and without manipulation.

Respect your partner, value what you yourself have chosen.

Read also:

Manipulation in relationships - is it possible to do without them? And how to do this?

Today I want to complete a series of articles devoted to relationships built on emotional dependence. As your response to previous articles on this topic showed, this issue is indeed relevant now. Based on your letters with cries for help, I identified 3 conditional groups of people:

- Those who Now suffering from emotional addiction in relationships and cannot cope with feelings of jealousy, fear of losing and loss of interest in other areas of life and other relationships

- Those who Already broke off the relationship but continues to struggle emotional dependence, endlessly suffering over “irretrievably gone love” and cannot start a new relationship for fear of experiencing this pain again

— Those who themselves (thanks to numerous trainings teaching how to get a man, marry a millionaire and others like them!) created relationships in his life in which his partner emotionally (and not only) depends on him. And now these relationships have “slowed down”, are not developing or are already on the verge of collapse, and inside these people a feeling of misunderstanding, dissatisfaction, and disappointment is brewing.

Whoever you are - the one who depends or the one on whom the partner depends - this relationship is doomed to fail. At least in emotional sphere. Such relationships cannot become a source of true joy, it is impossible to feel safe in them, you cannot be sure of stability and durability.

I want to emphasize that, in my opinion, relationships based on any kind of dependence are just a pathetic substitute harmonious union two for real loving friend people's friend.

Whether you agree to such a relationship, whether you accept this surrogate, or create a relationship that you deserve and in which you are happy - everything is only your free will.

Manipulation in relationships.

Now let's move on to the methods of manipulation characteristic of dependency relationships. I'm wondering how many of these manipulations you use to keep your partner and which ones are hooks that keep you on a short leash.

The most banal method of manipulation, which is especially pronounced in conditions of economic instability. It is difficult to break off such a relationship if you are completely financially dependent on your partner. And with permanent gifts it’s even more interesting. This can also affect your material aspirations, if the gifts are expensive, and emotional side. In addition, for many women, gifts are one of the languages ​​of love (on a subconscious level they are perceived as manifestations of love from a partner).

But there is also a more subtle one, energy binding. When the house is filled with such lovely gifts, especially those symbolizing relationships, then entanglement with invisible energy bonds affects you constantly, even if you don't notice it. That's why one of the first recommendations when breaking up is to carefully get rid of all gifts, photographs and other things that remind you of your ex.

Manipulation 2. Physical manifestations of feelings

These manipulations include frequent hugs, touching, stares“with meaning” or refusal to make eye contact as a means of punishment. This group also includes such female manipulations as wearing things, copying a partner’s style, and, of course, refusing physical intimacy as “punishment.”

I think you have already guessed that this type of manipulation also has roots in one of the “love languages”. And for those for whom this language is dominant - glances and touches become excellent bait. It is very easy to mistake (especially when one is “happy to be deceived”) such looks and touches as manifestations of love, and it is difficult to recognize manipulation. I remember now my own situation, when a loved one, knowing that hugs - The best way calm me down, made me give up my true desire in a couple of weeks. We now remember this story with laughter. But how it hurt me when I realized what had happened!

Manipulation 3. Romance.

Mmmm, women are very susceptible to this manipulation. Having read women's novels, watched enough beautiful TV series, dreaming of a beautiful unearthly love)))) They use poetry reading, music, songs, gallantry and similar things that cause natural emotional reactions.

Do you know what's most interesting? That all these things don’t even need to be trained in expensive pickup training, you just need to watch a couple of TV series or read a couple of women’s novels. And that’s it, the complete toolkit of a professional seducer, capable of keeping the necessary or comfortable woman, ends up in the hands of a manipulator. And it can be very, very difficult to break out of this. It is so I don't want to film pink glasses and refuse “beautiful” love.

Manipulation 4. Compliments

Flattery, praise, flirting. “You are the only one who understands me,” “I don’t know what I would do without you.” Cute nicknames, hints, mentioning in conversations something that has special meaning for two (especially in companies). Again, this is a clue to one of the love languages.

Such manipulation is especially catches those who crave recognition but do not receive it. And that is why women most often use it against men. The only question that arises is: will you be able to dear women, with the help of these manipulations, make sure that your man receives recognition in society and becomes successful? Or simply satisfy his natural male need for recognition to the fullest. And he will no longer need to seek recognition in his career, business, or social fulfillment. But with the help of this manipulation it is very easy to make you a housewife and give up your desires.

Manipulation 5. Need for “help”

Deliberately creating or exaggerating problems to attract attention and arouse sympathy. A technique that is primarily taught to women in all kinds of trainings to get men.

A subtle game that draws you into a net that is difficult to escape. And again the question arises: dear women, but do you want to be loved or to be pitied? Although yes, many people really want to be pitied, because it is so difficult for them, poor things, in this life. In such relationships there will initially be no harmonious union. Because they are created in the form of an unequal position: one constantly gives, the other takes. And as a result, the first one is exhausted, and the second one begins to “sausage” due to an imbalance in the energy balance.

Manipulation 6. Guilt.

Ooooh, this is the favorite manipulation in relationships of so many people. Moreover, it is very easy to use in our time, when a feeling of guilt at a deep level is inherent in almost every person. And it is very easy to make another person feel guilty for not meeting our expectations.

Frank reproaches can also be used: “If you loved, you would...”, “Well, yes, you’re too busy to call me/take the time/do for me...” , “I laid my whole life/best years at your feet, and you...”. You can use silence and pouting cheeks/lips and demonstrate with all your appearance “I’m unhappy with you...”. A the guilty person really wants to justify himself, prove that he/she is better than they think.

And until he proves it, he won’t leave. Or he will leave when he no longer has the strength to be forever guilty. This is how almost all manipulations in relationships end.

Manipulation 7. Threats.

The most common are threats to leave (the consequences of leaving for you are also described here in vivid colors) and suicide. Unfortunately, such manipulations in relationships are far from uncommon.

The threat of suicide, in fact, is a variation of the previous manipulation - that is, another, perhaps the most powerful attempt to tie a partner, to obtain a non-existent guarantee of love, to blame one’s own death on the one who breaks off the relationship. Such a threat does not arise in empty space

. Most likely, manipulation has already worked in the relationship of this couple, that is, one partner has already tried to “put pressure” on the fear and guilt of the other partner, but in different contexts. If a person succumbs to provocation and follows the manipulator’s lead, this starts a vicious circle of further speculation on feelings of guilt and sense of duty.

What to do if you recognize manipulation in a relationship In fact, manipulation in relationships is quite common. Moreover, any relationship is manipulative in nature. After all, that’s why they are RELATIONSHIPS. Everyone has a goal and everyone wants to achieve it. But, as they say, everything is good in moderation. And when all relationships are completely built on various kinds of manipulations, when there is no place in them simple easy

communication and the joy of being together - then it’s time to think about it.

It should be understood that manipulative struggle only increases anxiety, makes you tense, and most importantly, destroys the deep basis of relationships: the free decision to be close, the opportunity to be open, to be yourself.

And of course, it is much more difficult for us to find ourselves engaged in a manipulative game. It’s just as difficult for our partner who gets involved in it.

Therefore, there is no need to rub your partner’s nose in and make him feel shame and guilt. If you have such an intention, think about it: perhaps you yourself sometimes resort to this instrument of influence? After all, our partners are our beautiful mirrors

And for those who have decided to stop manipulation in relationships, ours will be very useful. Each couple is unique and has its own, meanings, goals and values. Moreover, the form and meaning of each couple change over time, relationships and balance are transformed, and the balance of power often changes during the life cycle of the family. It is impossible to single out one that is true for everyone. role model relationships that would be universal.

First, let's understand what we mean by strong relationships. A couple is a dynamic structure, not formed once and for all and cemented in a fragile balance. According to psychologist and abundance consultant Pauline Arens, the strength of a relationship is determined by the balance of investments, in other words, a couple will be stable as long as both partners are equally interested in the relationship and regularly invest their time, energy, emotions and finances in approximately equal proportions into a relationship.

What causes harmony in relationships to be disrupted?

However, if at some point the balance is upset and one of the partners begins to realize that he has become the master (mistress) of the situation, the beloved is conquered once and for all, the exciting uncertainty and passion are gone, and the unconditional attractiveness of the other half decreases, then distance automatically occurs.

In psychology, this situation in a relationship is called the “paradox of passion,” in which the importance of each partner determines how harmonious and strong the couple will be.

This theory is based on psychologist Kurt Lewin's idea of ​​field theory. According to this theory, we are all part of one energy field, and objects or persons endowed with high significance for us are also part of our own energy field. If we talk about the energy field of a couple, we can say that it will be stable only if both partners are of equal importance, otherwise the same imbalance will occur in which the weaker partner wants to return the attention and love of the stronger one.

Passive aggression or manipulation

It is at this moment that drama and manipulation begin on the part of the weak, who feels extreme anxiety due to the distance of his loved one and the fall in self-esteem, which is completely tied to the strong partner.

The main goal of such manipulations is to restore the former security of relationships by any means and to beg as much attention and recognition as possible from the strong. However, any requests, hints, begging, tears and hysterics are types of passive aggression and are very poorly perceived by a strong partner.

Feeling that he is being pressured and manipulated, the strong man experiences both guilt and irritation towards his once adored lover. There is a desire to both free yourself from this pressure and at the same time continue to meet the expectations of your partner. It is this paradox that explains the temporary improvement in relationships after dramatic quarrels and all kinds of manipulative techniques. But irritation only accumulates and will very soon burst out at the most inopportune moment. A strong partner will leave sooner or later, and the self-esteem of a weak one will be completely destroyed.

So, we are faced with the question: how to build strong and harmonious relationships without manipulation?

Firstly, never forget about the free will of the one who is next to you, because harmonious relationships are possible only when both partners grow and develop in them.

Secondly, in case of any imbalance, it is very important to switch from your partner to yourself, start pumping up your resources, increasing objective self-esteem and working on your own achievements, since only this can increase your significance for your loved one and re-ignite the fire of love.