How to explain to a small child what death is. The death of a loved one, or the first “adult” conversation with a child

Report this news to kid It's never easy. Adults find it difficult to accept a terrible loss, and children what? They perceive the world 200%, which is why they are more sensitive and vulnerable. When bad news hits a family, many parents deliberately hide the truth from baby , they say that dad left, or that grandpa is in the hospital and you can’t see him. But in vain. Children - equal members of the family and have the right to know the truth. Don't be afraid to talk to children on this topic, but of course, this should be done carefully and delicately. At one time I personally faced such a problem, but my son took everything in a very adult way, even for me he became real support. But I wasn’t too lazy to study a lot of information on this issue, so I’m sharing.

Child psychologists advise:

It is also important to know what to do andwhat not to say:

By the way, it turns out children go through the same stages of grief as adults. I have already covered this topic in detail in one of my publications.() , so I’ll say briefly: at one stage child He may even begin to blame himself for what happened or withdraw for a while. Usually these are normal defensive reactions psyche. The alarm should be sounded when changes in behavior are dramatic and do not go away for a long time. If you notice that your child is acting too aloof, commits inappropriate actions, or suddenly begins to do poorly at school, run to a psychologist! Children's consciousness is very tender and sensitive, and death of a loved one - this is a huge stress, and sometimes you simply cannot do without the help of a professional.

Who wants to talk to a child about death? Surely you will answer: no one. We, adults, want to protect the child from pain, and death loved one always hurts us. We want our children to be happy, laugh, play, and learn. We want them to be happy. Although many of us can easily and interestingly talk to our children about the mysteries and wonders of life, when it comes to death, we lose the desire to talk about it. Or perhaps it would be more correct to say: words disappear?

BUT DEATH is a part of life, and children inevitably face it. For emotional well-being It is necessary for a child to understand what death is, so that he can mourn a loved one and be able to continue to live. This will help him grow emotionally healthy person, free from guilt, anger and fear, avoid depression. If we can help children heal from the deepest emotional wound—the death of a loved one—we can equip them with important skills that will serve them throughout their lives.

However, adults don't talk to children much about what happened. Not out of malice. More often than not, they simply don’t know how. This is what a child psychologist, candidate of science will tell us today - about simple answers to complex questions, and much more. psychological sciences Lyubov MOSHINSKAYA:

“How will I tell my children about death?”
GENTLELY and with love, in simple, honest words. Sit down with your children in a quiet corner, hug them and tell them the truth.

Don't be afraid of the words "died" or "dead." For example, you might say, “Something very, very sad happened. Dad is dead. He will no longer be with us because he is no longer alive. We loved him very, very much, and we know he loved us too. We will miss him very, very much."

In several short phrases tell them how a loved one died. For example: “You know that in Lately Dad was very, very, very, very sick. And he died from this disease.” Or: “Dad had an accident. He was very, very, very, very badly wounded. And this accident led to his death." Repeatedly saying “very” helps children separate the death of a loved one from when they were “very sick” or “very hurt.”

Avoid euphemisms for death, such as: “we lost him,” “he left us,” “went to another world.” These expressions feed the child's fears: he is afraid of being abandoned. Never say that a loved one “fell asleep.” The child will be afraid to fall asleep.

“Grandfather died? How is it?"
And THIS you will have to explain to the child - in simple, honest words: “His body no longer lives. He can no longer walk, breathe, eat, sleep, talk, hear or feel.”

“What should I answer if children ask: “Why?”

“WHY did mom die?”, “Why did dad die?”, “Why did grandpa have an accident?”, “Why did this happen to me?” - these questions are difficult to answer. You can admit that you ask yourself the same questions. Then explain that death is part of life for all living things on Earth. She comes to everyone. There are things that we can control, and there are things that we cannot. We cannot control death.

Be sure to tell your children that no one is to blame for death - not the deceased loved one, not God, and certainly not the child. Say very clearly: “It’s not your fault.” Nothing the child said, did or thought caused the death.

“Should we talk about death in religious terms?”
Each family makes THIS decision independently. Generally speaking, it depends on how religious your children are. If they grew up in a religious environment, it will be easier for them to understand religious explanations.

If not, this is probably not the best time to introduce them to religion - such explanations will only confuse them. In any case, avoid statements like “God took daddy” - they can awaken fear in the child.

“Should I take children to a memorial service, funeral, wake?”
Each family also makes THIS decision independently. As a general rule, children over the age of six should be taken to a funeral if they wish to do so. When a child participates in this ritual with his family, he has the opportunity to express grief, gain strength, receive support from other family members, and also say goodbye to a loved one. He feels a sense of belonging to those who continue to live despite the loss, and this gives him a feeling of comfort and security.

Make sure to prepare your child in advance for what will happen and what he will see and hear. Explain that many people will probably cry. Let the children ask questions. If you don't feel strong enough to answer them yourself, ask a family member or friend to do so.

If the child does not want to go to the funeral, do not insist. Moreover, make sure that he does not feel guilty about it.

“At funerals, adults cry, there is so much grief around... Should children watch all this?”
CHILDREN need to learn ways to express grief, and they can do this best from the adults who love them. If you look sad, it means they may not be hiding their feelings either. Of course, if an adult tries to act like a hero and hides his feelings, children will learn this too. But this is an unhealthy response to grief. Don't be afraid to show emotions in front of your children.

“When can children be allowed to play?”
AS soon as they themselves want it. Do not interfere with them under any circumstances! Grief in children usually manifests itself in fits and starts. Today he can cry and be sad; tomorrow he can laugh and swing on the swing. Children cannot grieve continuously, they need a break; it gives them the opportunity to express their feelings in their own way. Movement helps them relieve anxiety and stress.

“What is the most important thing for me to do for my children right now?”
BE there for them, be honest with them, love them.

How parents can help a child who has experienced psychological trauma

Don't be surprised by any behavioral or personality changes.

Take care of them and comfort them. Pay more attention to them, spend more time with them.

Make sure they know where you are going when you return. If you're going away for a few hours, call occasionally to let them know you're okay.

Allow them to talk about the sad event whenever they want.

Encourage them to let you know when they think about it or when new reactions arise. Normalize (explain) the reactions they are having or may have in the future.

Use words - especially with young children - to indicate the feelings they are experiencing: for example, “you're sad,” “you're scared,” “you're sad,” etc.

Talk to teachers so that they correctly understand the changes in the child's behavior. Be patient if your child has difficulty concentrating, completing schoolwork, or other areas.

Don't make high demands on your child.

Be patient if there is regression in your child's behavior (he bites his nails, sucks his thumb, etc.)

If your child's actions or changes in behavior frighten you, consult a professional, but always emphasize that you understand that this is a result of what he has experienced.

Share his desire for safety, but be realistic.

Help him not to generalize. Remind him, if necessary, that “this (accident) happened in the past, but we live now, and the situation has changed.”

Help your child often return to good memories of the deceased, especially at the most difficult times. difficult days. Don’t rush them by saying, “Well, it’s time to forget about it.”

Help your children understand that they are now angry, aggressive, disobedient, running away from home, or putting their lives at risk because they are trying to escape pain, terror, or fear. But running away only leads to more pain.

If they feel shame or guilt, emphasize that no one taught them how to handle this situation, it happened regardless of their choice and they are not responsible for it.

If physical situations arise, evoking feelings shame ( children are crying, urinate in their pants, vomit, etc.), calm the child down and explain to him that, unlike TV characters, people who have experienced horror often lose control over their own body.

If they talk about revenge, ask them about their plans and find out what their reactions are. Then discuss with your child how they can prevent revenge from ruling their lives and how they can relieve the pain in other ways. Seek help from a specialist.

If children state that they are no longer afraid of anything, “nothing scares me!”, protect them because they may be careless in a potentially dangerous situation with other people that puts them at risk.
Do children understand what is happening?
They OFTEN say that children do not understand what is happening. This is not true. They understand what is happening, but it happens differently at different age stages.

0–2 years - The loss is perceived only as a temporary separation.

2–6 years - Magical thinking; belief in omnipotence - the ability to prevent an event or make it happen.

6–12 years old - Concrete thinking - the child perceives everything literally. If they say to him: “We have lost your brother,” the child will answer: “Let’s go look for him.” If they say: “Dad died in his sleep,” the child may be afraid to sleep.

12 years and older - Realistic thinking, understanding the finality of death.

Parents are the people closest to the child, and they can best help him cope with grief; but sometimes it is necessary to SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP from child psychologist. This should be done if the child:

Cries bitterly for a long time;

He has frequent and prolonged attacks of anger;

Happening sudden changes in behavior;

Significantly reduced school success and assessments;

Closes in on oneself for a long time;

Loses interest in friends and activities that he previously enjoyed;

Suffers from nightmares and has trouble sleeping;

Often complains of headaches and other ailments;

Losing weight sharply;

Becomes apathetic, silent and loses interest in life;

Sees the future in a bleak light or shows no interest in the topic at all.

Hello, dear readers! Today I would like to raise a very sensitive topic and talk about how to tell a child about the death of a grandmother, uncle, loved one and loved one or loved one pet. It is impossible to be prepared for such conversations. But it’s how you talk to your baby that determines his understanding of such phenomena.

Uncomfortable Conversations

Parents often get scared, embarrassed, and lost when their children ask awkward questions. This applies not only to the issue of death, but also to the topic of sex. My articles “” and “” will help you in this matter.

Understand that you cannot avoid such conversations and explanations. Therefore, it will be much better if you think a little in advance about what to do and what to respond in such a situation. A psychologist's advice always comes down to one thing: simple rule: You need to talk to your child about such topics, you should not avoid them.

The situation may arise due to various reasons: a misfortune happened in your family, a child saw a dead cat on the street, the topic of a funeral or death was touched upon in a movie or cartoon. Usually children don’t ask such questions just like that. Be sure to ask where he got such an interest.

Many things are incomprehensible to a small child. There were many things he had simply never even encountered. And you must teach him life. Explain and talk about everything that is happening. Don't be silent, don't avoid answering, don't be embarrassed, and don't get too emotional. Seeing your worries, the child may begin to be afraid and withdraw into himself.

Understand that in any case, there will come a time in your life when your baby asks you an uncomfortable question. Gently ask where he got these thoughts, what prompted him to ask you a question.

Do not scold or yell at your baby under any circumstances. Don't say that he is too young for such conversations. If there is interest, it must be satisfied. If you don’t tell them, the children will quickly find another source of information.

What is death

Since children do not know about this phenomenon, it depends on your explanation how the baby will perceive life and death. Will he become easy and relaxed about this or will he withdraw into himself and be afraid of every rustle.

Unfortunately, there is no universal explanation. In each family everything happens very individually, but there is general principles, which will definitely help you.

If you have a deeply religious family, then all your explanations will be clear. In accordance with your faith, your attitude towards death is appropriate. But don’t forget that you can tell your baby about other beliefs. About the fact that in some countries death is greeted with a smile on the face, because it is believed that a person has found himself in a better world.

We should start with the fact that life has its own rules. First a little man is born, lives long and happy life, gives birth to children, then he has grandchildren, and then old age comes and he dies.

Tell us about old age using flowers as an example. That they are born in the spring, live all summer, giving people their beauty, and in the fall they fade, scattering seeds so that new flowers are born.

But death sometimes comes not only because of old age. Losing a loved one can be unexpected due to an accident. And here you need to explain that your life is worth valuing. That sometimes illnesses happen, disasters happen. Speak calmly and unemotionally. As soon as a child sees your fear, he immediately adopts it.

One of my friends explained the death of her beloved animal this way: our dog went to the farm because there Fresh air and she there life is better. The baby seemed to take everything fine. But then it turned out that he had been waiting all year for summer to go to this very farm, to see his beloved dog.

What to pay attention to

It is very important to create a realistic representation. Pay attention to the cartoons your kids watch. After all, they do not show death as it really is. There, legs and arms are sewn on, the bear cub calmly gets up after the explosion and moves on, the heroes fall from a height and nothing happens to them, and so on.

Try to explain that everything happens differently in life. That you need to carefully monitor yourself and your surroundings. That crawling on the windowsill is very dangerous.

It is completely normal if a child begins to ask constant questions: is it possible to die from this wound; and this scratch is fatal. Don't laugh under any circumstances. Calmly tell us which injuries cause no harm, and which can lead to serious consequences.

In addition, pay attention to the wording with which you explain the death of your grandmother or grandfather. Saying “he left” or “she moved away” can cause harm. When the father leaves home, the child will fear that he will leave and not return. Or the mother’s long absence will be perceived as such a departure.

The child can use the theme of death in his games for some time after the conversation. Don't get scared and start tearing your hair out. Everything is fine. The children are interested, this is a new topic for them, they study it with different sides. Just always be prepared to provide clarification and answer additional questions.

Your task

The main thing is not to be nervous and not to show your emotions. You need to speak calmly, extremely in simple words, which will be understandable to the baby. If anything, he will definitely ask you a clarifying question.

If you find it difficult to cope with emotions now, then it is better to postpone the conversation, but not for too long. long term. Read the article "". In it, perhaps you will find for yourself the right words, which you are missing so much right now.

Parents often ask the question - at what age is it better to start such conversations. There is no definite answer. Most often, children under five years old do not ask such questions. Therefore, only in essence can you understand when the moment has come.

Another point is whether to take the child to the funeral. Controversial issue. Here you should rely only on your instincts and the baby’s reaction. Some say it will useful experience. Others argue that this should never be done. Look at the situation.

Remember, talking about death helps the baby understand that life is not eternal. He begins to take his health and dangers more seriously and responsibly. He develops an instinct of self-preservation. It is very important.

Of course, you shouldn't deceive your baby. This will only undermine your authority. Having said that your grandmother simply left for another country, sooner or later your story will be revealed. Then the child will understand that you deceived him. There is nothing worse in a child's life than lying to parents.

Don't go into detailed description physiological processes. Don't shock your baby with unnecessary colorful descriptions. It will be enough to explain simply and clearly what the essence of life and death is.

If your offspring is interested in this issue in general terms, then there is no need to describe everything in detail; you can get by with a couple of general expressions and return to a more serious conversation later.

How was the concept of death explained to you as a child? How old were you when you experienced your first human death? Do you think it’s worth taking children to a funeral and at what age?

Best wishes to you!

Usually at the age of 5-6 years, a child first realizes that death is an inevitable fact of the biography of any person, and therefore of himself.

Life invariably ends in death, we are all finite, and this cannot but worry an already grown-up child. He begins to fear that he himself will die (go into oblivion, become “nobody”), his parents will die, and how will he remain without them?

The fear of death is also closely related to the fear of attack, darkness, night monsters, illness, natural disasters, fire, fire, war. Almost all children go through such fears to one degree or another, this is absolutely normal.

The fear of death, by the way, is more common in girls, which is associated with a more noticeable instinct of self-preservation in them, in comparison with boys. And it is most pronounced in impressionable, emotionally sensitive children.

What we, parents, need to do first of all is to understand our own attitude to the topic of life and death. Determine for yourself what you believe in? What, in your opinion, happens or does not happen to a person after death (it is better to explain to the child the difference between body and soul: the body is buried in the ground or burned, but the soul...). Explain your introduction, be calm, concise and sincere.

Do not lie.

Speak in simple, understandable language (say “people die” instead of “we fall asleep in eternal sleep” / “we pass on to another world”).

Reply only to questions asked. If you don’t know what to answer, just say: “I don’t have an answer yet, but I’ll think about it.”

Do not compare death with sleep (many children then begin to fear that they may die in their sleep). Like a dried flower that will never bloom or smell sweet again, a dead person does not breathe, does not move, does not think and does not feel anything. When we sleep, we continue to live and feel, and our body continues to function.

“Mom (Dad), are you going to die? And will I die too?

Here it is better to emphasize that people die in old age, and before it comes, many, many different, interesting and important events: “you will grow up, you will learn (then you can list the numerous skills that the child will master - skating and roller skating, baking delicious cookies, writing poetry, organizing parties), you will graduate from school, go to college, you will have your own family, children, friends, your own business, your children will also grow up and learn, will work... People die when their life ends. And your life is just beginning.”

You can say about yourself: “I’m going to live for a long, long time, tomorrow I want to do this and that, in a month I want to do this and that, and in a year I plan..., and in 10 years I dream...”

If a child already knows that people die and at a young age too, we must admit that this really happens, there are exceptions to any phenomenon, but most people still live to see deep wrinkles.

The fear of death can be reflected in nightmares, once again emphasizing the underlying instinct of self-preservation. Here you need to remember that fears really don’t like being talked about, spoken out loud again and again, so you should not tremble with fear under the covers, but share what frightens you with your parents.

Fears also really don’t like to be drawn. You can tell your child: “Draw what you are afraid of.” Then discuss the drawing and ask them to think about what the child wants to do with it (tear it into small pieces, crumple it up as hard as they can and throw it in the trash can, or somehow change it and make it fun and ridiculous, because fears are terribly fearful children's laughter). Also a little later baby can draw himself - how he is not afraid and conquers his fears (this is very therapeutic).

In the process of drawing, fears can come to life again and become sharper. It is believed that there is no need to be afraid of this, since the revival of fears is one of the conditions for their complete elimination. (Important: for ethical reasons, you cannot ask a child to depict the fear of his parents’ death in a drawing.)

Fears are worked out perfectly during sand therapy sessions.

And yes, the best strategy for parents when children’s fears arise is not to dramatize, not to create a stir, to reassure (“I’m near, I’m with you, you’re under my protection”), caress, kiss, hug, be emotionally responsive, give support, love , recognition, and ourselves - to be stable, calm and confident, to work through our own fears, and not to broadcast them to children.

What if someone close to you died? (instructions according to V. Sidorova)

Death cannot be hidden.

The closest adult, the one whom the child knows well and whom he trusts, should inform the child.

You need to start a conversation at a time when the child is full, not tired, and not excited. Not in the nursery!

During a conversation, you need to control yourself, you can cry, but you cannot burst into tears and immerse yourself in your own feelings. The focus is on the child.

Skin-to-skin and eye-to-eye contact is desirable.

You need to say clearly and briefly: “We have experienced grief. Grandma died (pause).” A pause is needed so that the child has the opportunity to comprehend what he has heard and ask questions that he will probably have. Answer the questions as sincerely as possible and only what you really think, in simple, accessible words.

The child’s reaction can be different, sometimes very unexpected, accept it as it is. If you cry, hug him, rock him in your arms, comfort him quietly and affectionately. If you run away, don’t run after him. Visit him in 15-20 minutes and see what he is doing. If nothing, sit silently next to her. Then you can tell what will happen tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. If he does, join the game and play by his rules. If he wants to be alone, leave him alone. If he gets angry, increase this activity. When you're exhausted, sit next to him and talk about the future. Don't be afraid of a child's tantrum, most likely there won't be one.

Cook him his favorite food for dinner (but no big feasts). Spend more time with your child. When putting him to bed, ask if he wants to leave the light on? Or maybe you should sit with him, read, tell him a story?

If on this or the next night the child sees scary dreams, wake up and come running, then on the first night, if he asks, you can allow him to stay in your bed (but only if he asks, do not offer). Otherwise, you should send him back to his bed and sit next to him until he falls asleep.

Do not avoid talking with your child about death or his experiences, do not limit the choice of books or cartoons that, in your opinion, may contain scenes that remind him of grief.

It is important to make as few changes as possible to it familiar image life. The child should have the same people, toys, and books around him. Tell him every night about your plans for tomorrow, make schedules, outline and - what is very important! - carry out activities. Do everything to give your child the feeling that the world is stable and predictable, even if there is no loved one in it. Have lunch, dinner and go for walks at the same time as the child was used to doing this before the loss.

Whims, irritation, aggression, apathy, tearfulness, agitation or unusual isolation, games on the theme of life and death, aggressive games within 2 months is the norm. If the nature of games, drawings, interactions with objects and other children does not return within 8 weeks to the norm that was before the loss, if after this time the child continues to be tormented by nightmares, he wets the bed, began to suck his finger, began to rock while sitting on a chair or standing, twirling his hair or running on tiptoes for a long time - he needs to see a psychologist.

Should my child attend the funeral?

This issue is resolved individually. You can ask the child himself (you need to ask 2 times) if he wants to go to the cemetery. If not, stay at home. If so, then during the funeral there should be a close acquaintance of an adult next to the child who will maintain physical contact with him and answer all questions, i.e. will devote himself only to him.

If your pet dies

The whole family can bury him and put flowers on the grave. A funeral is a farewell ritual that helps us build the boundary between life and death. Tell your child not to be ashamed of his feelings, that mourning and grieving for a deceased loved one, be it a person or a pet, is absolutely normal and natural, and it takes time to survive the loss, when acute melancholy is replaced by light sadness and reconciliation with life occurs, in which the beloved being is no longer there, but there is his image in the memory and hearts of those to whom he was dear.

Literature (for children):

1. W. Stark, S. Virsen “A Star Called Ajax” (this fiction book about how to cope with loss close friend, about how joy is reflected in sadness)

2. K.F. Okeson, E. Erickson “How Grandfather Became a Ghost” (it turns out that people become ghosts if they haven’t done something in their lives. According to the plot of the book, the grandfather comes to his grandson every night, and together they try to remember what the grandfather forgot)

3. A. Fried, J. Gleich “Is grandpa in a suit?” (how main character, a boy of about 5 years old, experiencing the death of his grandfather and solving for himself the problem of the finitude of life)

4. W. Nilsson, E. Erickson “The Kindest in the World” (a story about how children play a funeral ritual - one summer day they decided to send off all the dead animals they could find on their last journey)

5. P. Stalfelt “The Book of Death” (a small picture book, not suitable for all children and not all parents!)

6. Tales of G.-H. Andersen's "Chamomile", "The Little Match Girl" and others (very sad stories, which help to respond to feelings that arise in connection with the topic of death - look at them first for yourself and decide whether you need to give them to your child)

You can make your own list of fairy tales, myths, legends, life stories(or come up with them yourself), where the theme of death was present, it was told about how the heroes cope with the loss of loved ones, what happens to the soul after death.

Found a mistake? Select it and press left Ctrl+Enter.

Death is an integral part of life, and any child sooner or later learns about its existence. This usually happens when the baby sees a dead bird, mouse or other animal for the first time in his life. It also happens that he receives his first knowledge about death under more tragic circumstances, for example, when a family member dies or is killed. It is quite expected that this question, so frightening for adults, will be asked: What happened? Why does grandma (dad, aunt, cat, dog) lie motionless and not talk?

Even very young children are able to distinguish living from non-living and a dream from something more frightening. Usually, out of fear of traumatizing the child’s psyche, parents try to avoid the topic of death and start telling the child that “the cat got sick and was taken to the hospital.” “Dad has left and will return when you are already quite old,” etc. But is it worth giving false hope?

Often behind such explanations there actually lies a desire to spare not the child’s psyche, but one’s own. Young children do not yet understand the meaning of such concepts as “forever”, “forever”; they consider death to be a reversible process, especially in light of the way it is presented in modern cartoons and films where characters either die or move to another world and turn into funny ghosts. Children's ideas about non-existence are extremely blurred. But for us, adults, who are well aware of the gravity of what happened, it is often very, very difficult to talk about the death of loved ones. AND great tragedy not that the child will have to be told that dad will never return, but that they themselves will experience it again.

How traumatic information about the death of a loved one will be depends on the tone in which you talk about it with your child, with what emotional message. At this age, children are traumatized not so much by words as by the way we say them. Therefore, no matter how bitter the death of a loved one is for us, in order to talk with a child we should gain strength and calmness in order not only to inform him about what happened, but also to talk, discuss this event, and answer the questions that have arisen.

However, psychologists recommend telling children the truth. Parents must understand how much information and what quality their child is able to perceive, and must give him the answers that he will understand. In addition, it is usually difficult for young children to clearly formulate their question, so you need to try to understand what exactly is worrying the baby - he is afraid to be left alone, or he is afraid that mom and dad will also die soon, he is afraid of dying himself, or something else. And in such situations, believing parents find themselves in a more advantageous position, because they can tell their child that the soul of their grandmother (dad or other relative) has flown to heaven to God. This information is more benign than purely atheistic: “Grandma died and she is no more.” And most importantly, the topic of death should not be taboo. We get rid of fears by talking about them, so the child also needs to talk about this topic and get answers to questions that are understandable to him.

It is still difficult for young children to understand why their loved one is taken away from home and buried in the ground. In their understanding, even dead people need food, light, and communication. Therefore, it is quite possible that you will hear the question: “When will they dig it up and bring it back?” the child may worry that her beloved grandmother is alone underground and will not be able to get out of there on her own, that she will feel bad, dark and scared there. Most likely, he will ask this question more than once, because it is difficult for him to assimilate the new concept of “forever.” We must calmly answer that the dead are not dug up, that they remain in the cemetery forever, that the dead no longer need food and warmth, and do not distinguish between light and night.

When explaining the phenomenon of death, one should not go into theological details about the Last Judgment, about the fact that souls good people go to Heaven, and the souls of the bad ones go to Hell and so on. It is enough for a small child to say that dad has become an angel and is now looking at him from heaven, that angels are invisible, you cannot talk to them or hug them, but you can feel them with your heart. If a child asks a question about why a loved one died, then you should not answer in the style of “everything is God’s will”, “God gave - God took”, “it was God’s will” - the child may begin to consider God an evil being who causes grief and suffering to people and separating him from his loved ones.

The question often arises: should I take children to the cemetery for burial or not? Definitely - small ones are not allowed. The age at which a child will be able to survive the oppressive atmosphere of a burial, when the adult psyche cannot always withstand it, is purely individual. The sight of sobbing people, a dug hole, a coffin being lowered into a grave is not for the child’s psyche. Let the child, if possible, say goodbye to the deceased at home.

Sometimes adults are perplexed as to why a child reacts sluggishly to the death of a loved one, does not cry or mourn. This happens because children are not yet able to experience grief in the same way as adults. They do not fully understand the tragedy of what happened and, if they experience it, it is inside and in a different way. Their experiences can be expressed in the fact that the baby will often talk about the deceased, remember how they communicated, and spent time together. These conversations must be supported, so the child gets rid of anxiety and worries. At the same time, if you notice that after the death of a loved one, the baby developed the habit of biting his nails, sucking his finger, he began to wet the bed, became more irritable and whiny - this means that his experiences are much deeper than you might think, he is not If you are able to cope with them, you need to contact a psychologist.

Memorial rituals adopted by believers help to cope with grief. Going to the cemetery with your child and putting a bouquet of flowers on the grave will make your grandmother happy. Go to church with him and light a candle on the eve, read a simple prayer. You can take out an album with photographs and tell your child about how good his grandparents were, and remember the pleasant episodes from life associated with them. The thought that, having left the earth, the deceased did not disappear completely, that in this way we can maintain at least such a connection with him, has a calming effect and gives us hope that life continues after death.

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