If you cheated on your husband with his friend. Cheating wife with a friend of her husband: causes and further actions

Article about how family friend in the blink of an eye, become a link in a love triangle, the name of which is: cheating with a husband’s friend. Cheating a wife with a husband’s friend is an example of a common love triangle, where the wife set "horns" to her husband not just with someone, but with his best friend.

How it all starts

The situation when women cheat with their husband's friends does not happen immediately. At first, such relationships develop during periods of rest by families, some holidays, parties, joint holidays, requests for help with the housework, home, visits to the family of a husband's friend (to his wife).

Then, the situation smoothly passes into another stage, in which the standard boundaries in relationships are erased, people get used to each other, plus everything tactile relationship while relaxing, dancing, etc. All this brings people together and, as a result, often ends in a sexual relationship.

Of course, this also speaks of the “ostentatious friendship” of your partner in relation to your husband, but nevertheless, your spouse thinks differently.

What to do and how to be

• A woman who decides to take such a step, in most cases, can never again count on the resumption of relations with ex-husband even after some time.

• This is due to the very nature of the betrayal, which hit her husband from two sides.

I think that there is no need to explain to the female half of humanity what male friendship is, about which many books have been written and a lot of feature films have been shot. Having decided to cheat on your husband with his friend, you will doubly hurt him heartache: his betrayal and the fact that your "beloved" is his friend.

Cheating with a family friend

But what to do if a husband's friend first came to visit her husband, first for work, business or other reasons, then began to appear in your apartment under any convenient pretext, in order to see you. During his visits, he threw meaningful glances in your direction, at first embarrassing you with this, then, causing you a pleasant feeling.

• Well, of course, you are a woman and you want the attention of a strong half of humanity, and the more it is, the more (including from different men) You will get positive emotions.

• Some women do not see anything wrong with this, but they must understand that men understand the response to their views in a completely different way than you think (this may be normal for you). They perceive this as a desire to continue the relationship in a different perspective.

Dear women, keep this in mind and don't let your husband's friends get such promising responses from you. If suddenly you began to notice the unambiguous views of your husband’s friends on yourself, then in a tactful manner let your husband’s friend know that he is only interested in you as a friend of your husband and that all your thoughts are only about your missus.

In the end, are there few other men, if you have already decided to cheat?

But in no case, not with your husband's friends, since you cannot even imagine your spouse's response if the secret becomes clear. You can't even predict what might happen to his psycho emotional state in this moment. In forensic psychiatry, such a state of a person is called a state of affect.

Remember this and take care of your relationship, but if you want something new, then do it on the side with other men, and best of all, somewhere on vacation. In this case, such infidelities will always be kept secret from your husband, and best friend of the family, will always remain only in this capacity, but not in any other.

When we talk about infidelity, we tend to think more about men. However, women also cheat on their partners. And it happens often. The only difference between male and female infidelity is the reasons for the actions. No wonder people say that female adultery does not exist, there is either revenge or new love. And what to call if there was a betrayal with a friend of her husband? This is what we will try to figure out.

Reasons for a woman's infidelity

As already mentioned, women cheat just like men. But their infidelity is not always guided by the same motives. Another difference lies in the fact that in society there is an absolute attitude to what men and women change. If a husband deceives his wife, they say that he is a womanizer, that this is a natural instinct. When a wife cheats, it is considered debauchery. But what are the real causes of infidelity in women?

This is a very subjective question. Every woman has her own reasons for cheating on her husband. And according to a study conducted by Canadian scientists this year, the first place among the causes female infidelity takes the absence sexual activity. Indeed, 19.5% of women say that the main reason for their infidelity is a sharp decrease in sexual activity with their spouse. 37% of wives admit that they have one sexual relationship per month.

It can also be noted that women aged 30 to 45 cheat much more often. And almost 80% of women do not divorce their husbands, moreover, they admit that this infidelity saved their marriage. And only 7% feel remorse after committing adultery.

The Internet plays a big role in this today. Thanks to social networks and dating sites have become much easier to meet a potential sexual partner. The influence of the Internet greatly contributes to gender equality in infidelity.

Cheating with husband's friend

It is not uncommon to find cases where a wife is cheating on her husband with his best friend. Such cases can confidently be called classics of the genre. Why is this happening? Is it possible that a woman could not choose another lover from a huge number of men?

The love triangle: husband, wife, best friend is especially painful. For my husband this double betrayal: on the one hand, his beloved wife changed, on the other, his best friend betrayed. Cheating with a husband's friend usually does not fit into the main ideas of female infidelity. As a lover, she chooses her husband's friend for two reasons:

• there really is between lovers serious feelings and sooner or later wife will leave to a husband's friend;
• this is the revenge of the wife, and so cruelly you can avenge a serious offense - most likely, also treason.

How to convict your wife of infidelity

Like any unfaithful person, when you change, behavior changes. Here are some of the potential signs of infidelity:

• changes during appearance: she began to take care of herself more, began to visit beauty salons more often, buy new clothes;
• decreased sexual activity: you make love very rarely, and you get the impression that she does it reluctantly;
• disruption in the schedule: walking with friends or sports events doubled, delays at work, business trips;
• caution in handling the phone or computer: passwords, secret correspondence, calls in the bathroom.

Careful observation of your wife can help you understand if there is another man in her life besides you. Remember that a woman is rarely limited to a one-time relationship. Most likely, this is a romance in which she is looking for something that she lacks so much in marriage. Therefore, sooner or later, she loses her vigilance and betrays herself.

What to do if the wife cheated with her best friend?

Regardless of what pushed the wife to cheat with her husband's friend, this is a betrayal, this is a serious damage. family life. The decision in this case can only be made by the husband (unless, of course, the wife has already left him).

There are also two solutions: forgive your wife or divorce her. It all depends on many factors:

• how the wife justifies her act;
• Does he feel guilt?
• asks to forgive her;
• she wants to stay in the family or get a divorce;
• do you have feelings for her;
• what you want, actually you: divorce or preservation of family.

In this case, it is most reasonable to talk frankly with your spouse, hear her arguments, understand what she lacked in marriage, since she went for treason. If the shock is too great, it is recommended to seek professional help to a family psychologist.

If we talk about a friend, more precisely about who was your best friend, the situation is clear here. Friendship with this person is out of the question. Let's say it's not even love, but a one-time relationship, your wife seduced him herself to annoy you, and as a result, your family is going to divorce. But can you trust this man? Where is the guarantee that he will not do the same when you have a relationship?

You must understand that a man, in principle, will never even look at his friend's wife. Therefore, a woman who wants to cheat on her husband with his best friend, it is wiser to refuse this idea. The husband may forgive his wife, but the betrayal of a person with whom so much has been experienced, who was trusted with many secrets and secrets, who supported in moments of joy and sadness, is almost impossible. If a husband catches such a betrayal, then this can turn into a tragedy: in a state of passion, you can not only fill your friend's face, but even kill him. The thing is that the husband will shift the blame for what happened to his friend. Okay, wife, she is a woman, stupid, useless, but here's a friend ...

That is why it is better to choose anyone as a lover, but not a friend of her husband.

What men say who have had sex with a friend's wife

If a woman, taking her husband away from a friend's family, thinks only about herself and her happiness, then the situation is different with men. For men, friendship is sacred, so they also deeply experience the connection with the wife of their best friend. But what drives them to do so? Most often this is a matter of chance, a temptation, because, as you know, the forbidden fruit is sweet. Many men admit that they do it out of pity for women, because often wives complain about their husbands to their friends. And, of course, the main reason for such a connection is the feelings that arose for a woman. Yes, it really happens and this - he fell in love with his best friend's wife. If these feelings are mutual, then it is very difficult to resist them.

How to avoid cheating in the family

It doesn’t matter who this person is, a family friend or any other man, but if your wife is cheating on you with him, then your marriage is far from ideal. This means that there are problems in the family and not only the spouse is to blame for them. Think about what drives her to take this step. Perhaps she lacks love, care, attention, elementary human warmth and participation. Maybe he is sexually unsatisfied. And, perhaps, the matter is in your character and scandals often occur in the house. In any case, you need to reconsider your attitude to marriage. Even if a divorce awaits you with your wife, understanding your own mistakes will help you to improve your personal life and maintain new relationships in the future.

As you can see, cheating with the husband's best friend is a classic triangle, participation in which brings trouble to all his parties. It is impossible to get out of such a triangle with the benefit of all three.

Cheating wife with a friend of a spouse is a common situation. She is not only a favorite scenario move by series directors, but also a completely unsightly reality, because, according to statistics, women quite often choose their husband's friend as a lover (permanent or one-time). Leaders among lovers married women Of course, there are work colleagues (up to 35% of all female infidelities), but adultery with friends of the spouse also accounts for a substantial share - up to 22%. IN difficult situation in this case, there are three people at once - husband, wife and friend. Everyone loses more than he gains, but the most difficult thing, of course, is for a deceived husband, because for him this is a double betrayal. In this article, we will consider the features and reasons for such betrayal and tell you whether it is worth forgiving and how to do it if this did happen.

Causes

It is difficult to say what will be more difficult for a man - to forgive a wife who cheated, or to forgive a friend. It so happened that male friendship is always more monolithic than female, and the betrayal of a friend for a man can be a much more painful fact than the wife's adultery. The world for the husband is literally collapsing, because he has the illusion that no one else can be trusted in him at all - neither friends nor women.

For a wife, the situation may be different.- it all depends on the degree of her feelings for her legal spouse and his friend. For the best friend, the revealed betrayal, most likely, means the end of friendship, no matter how many years it is - biologically polygamous males do not get along in the same territory, and therefore further communication will be almost impossible.

The deceived spouse, as soon as the first sharp and sudden pain subsides a little, will definitely undertake an internal analysis of the reasons why his missus decided on such an act. At the same time, he will almost internally justify the act of a friend - he understands that there are situations when to refuse the opportunity and not use it above masculine strength. But he can hardly understand why a friend did not remember his debt to him.

A wife who cheats on her husband with his friend, or a girl who cheated on a guy with his friend, and even a pensioner who unexpectedly leaves her elderly spouse for his friend from school is a cruel reality. And a woman always has a reason for adultery.

The study of psychology adultery Andrey Zaitsev, a sociologist and president of the Association of Sociologists of the Russian Federation, worked in Russia, who, unfortunately, died in 2015. He tried to find the underlying causes that push men and women to infidelity. Numerous sociological studies that he conducted showed that in his imagination he mentally cheats on his husbands up to 59% of the fair sex. In practice, about 25% of women do this. At the same time, most often adultery is of a one-time nature (80%), where women are much less likely to maintain a long-term intimate relationship with their lover.

Why husband's friend? Because he is more likely than other men to be in the same company with spouses, because with a long and close friendship, people usually make friends with “families”, because he is well known to a woman and they have quite a lot in common. Sometimes wives even consult with their husband's best friend - first about what to buy for her husband as a gift, and then about family problems asking for advice. More often, such a betrayal occurs involuntarily, under the influence of the situation, it is not planned - they drank too much, found themselves alone in some difficult or tragic circumstances, etc.

Boredom is a fairly common reason.- a woman has a lot of free time, and relations with her husband began to fade, an inevitable addiction to each other took place, feelings are no longer the same, sex has lost its novelty, resentment has accumulated over the years. If, at the same time, the husband’s friend turns out to be nearby more often than the husband himself, then trouble is not far off, especially since the husband has no time all the time, and the friend is always ready to listen to the woman, especially if he likes her.

Another question is why do friends' wives always seem more attractive than their own? It is difficult to explain this, most often - the reason is the desire to feel adrenaline, to please someone other than one's own legal spouse, as well as inherent competition for the possession of a large number of females, natural for men by nature. No matter how we talk about consciousness and the predominance of man over the natural world, the actions and actions of people are very often implicitly controlled by the ancient laws of the animal world. And you won't get away from it.

A woman for treason, according to sociologists and psychologists, has other reasons:

• dissatisfaction with the quality or quantity of sex in a marriage;
• treason for treason - a mirror revenge on her husband for similar behavior;
• self-assertion, increase of own self-assessment;
• absence common interests, a common goal with a spouse;
• real new feelings.

It should be noted that truly falling in love with a friend of her husband is not so often. But if this happens, then usually it is no longer possible to stop a woman from the collapse of the family. In other cases, women who are more attached to the hearth feel guilty and are not ready for a divorce.

The risk factors that a man should pay attention to are diverse. More often than others, their husbands are cheated on by women who have received more high level higher-earning spouses, financially independent women, women who rarely see their husband due to his employment, and those who face a chronic lack of understanding from their legal spouse.

The danger of such betrayal is obvious: it is within easy reach of crime. In a state of strong affect, a man can deal with both his friend and his wife, which often happens.

What to do?

A lot for a man and other participants in adultery depends on how and under what circumstances the betrayal was discovered. The most dangerous situation is that the husband returned ahead of time and found his wife and his friend in an unambiguous position. It is in such situations that spontaneous killings most often occur.

If at the same time the man managed to cope with the desire to grab knives and axes, then he should leave the apartment or the place where he found the lovers as soon as possible. It’s not worth it to make a fuss or try to figure out what is happening. At least not now.

If the husband did not witness the betrayal, but the information reached him and it was justified and confirmed, but here the forecasts for lovers are much more favorable. A deceived husband, again, is not recommended to immediately arrange a trial.

Important decisions are never made on hot head". It is better to go into the shadows for a while and calmly deal with yourself, answer all your questions. You can sit out in the country, with another friend, in the parental home, in last resort, at the hotel. A couple of weeks - this is the minimum that is needed in order not to do stupid things.

At first there will be denial, an unwillingness to accept reality as it is. Then the stage of protest will begin - it is important not to cope with this stage alone. Let there be someone nearby who can stop you from erroneous actions - a brother, comrade, neighbor, work colleague.

Only when the understanding comes that everything is real, that it exists and will not go anywhere, you need to decide what to do next.

It is unlikely that friends will advise you to forgive the guilty wife. This, in the understanding of most men, is unacceptable. But there will be a lot of advice on how to subtly and cruelly crack down on already former friend. Is this what you want to hear? Most likely no. If you go to a psychologist or psychotherapist - beyond your strength, you will have to make a decision on your own.

Try to isolate yourself, look at the situation from the outside, on behalf of each of the participants. Make an appointment with your wife - you definitely need to talk, even if you no longer intend to save your family. Should I make an appointment with a friend? It's up to you to decide, but it is unlikely that he will say something original, most of the comrades caught on adultery begin to shift the blame for what happened to his wife, and sometimes even reproach the deceived husband for not heeding the advice when he chose this woman as his companion life. If there is a need to talk with a former friend, speak, but in no case try to provoke a fight or reprisal. Just a calm tone, no accusations.

It is important with your wife to try together to figure out why everything happened. If the husband himself indirectly created favorable conditions for adultery, he must honestly and openly admit this. To insult or beat a woman is below the dignity of a real man, and therefore it is not worth descending to the marginal level for sure.

After the first conversation, it will become clear whether it is worth forgiving the spouse and saving the family, or whether it will be better for everyone if the couple breaks up.

Should I forgive and how to do it?

Is it possible to forgive a wife in this situation? Can. Is it possible to save a family? It's also possible. But it should be clearly understood whether this is necessary. The fact is that forgiveness in itself is not an instant, not an instant thing, it comes gradually, consciously, you still need to “survive” before it. If a woman refuses dialogue, wants a divorce, you should not humiliate yourself. You should not force her to humiliate herself if she begs for forgiveness. To revel in the sight of a weeping woman crawling on her knees is psychological sadism.

If a woman is determined to save the family, take time out to think, do not rush. In addition to an unpleasant and difficult act, a wife is something else important to you: she good man great mother, caring wife. This can sometimes outweigh resentment. Consider the fact that she herself can terribly repent of her deeds. Does she have the right to be wrong? And you? If you are a sane person and understand that all people have the right to make a mistake, it is time to answer the question of whether you will forgive her.

No one in the world has to live up to someone else's expectations. What happened has already happened. And accept it or not - only your decision.

Men often depend on public opinion, and there are much more representatives of the weaker sex. They are worried about what friends and comrades, relatives and neighbors will say if the fact of cheating on a spouse with a friend has already become public. And they, most likely, they will say, he is a henpecked and weak-willed person, since he could stay and live on with this woman. You need to honestly answer yourself the question - what is more expensive: the opinion of society or relations with a particular woman. If the latter, then do not look at others.

If everything inside resists the idea of ​​going back to bed with this woman, sitting at the same table, then you should not return to the relationship. If you want to save your family - act boldly. Forgiveness in such a situation requires great courage and generosity from a man, Great love to his family, to his wife.

Remember that once you have forgiven, you should never return to this topic. With a friend, you may have to break not only friendly, but also business relationship if they were. But relations with his wife, on the contrary, will have to be built anew. And exclusively together, together, having carried out "work on the mistakes."

Very useful at this stage is the method proposed by Abraham Harold Maslow, an American psychologist and founder of the school of humanistic psychology. He proposed to replace one negative thought-form with two useful and creative actions. The method is called effective action, it is widely used in the psychotherapy of loss, disappointment and other painful problems that can be difficult to endure.

How it works: in the morning, at breakfast, the husband remembered the unpleasant act of his wife, threw her an offensive word. Following this, he must do two real creative things, for example, help a neighbor in the garage change the starter on a car for free, and also go to his mother-in-law and voluntarily offer her help in painting the walls in the pantry. For every negative action, there must be a positive reaction. Gradually, unpleasant memories are forced out of memory. Naturally, it will not be possible to forget completely, but it helps a lot to distract yourself from your suffering.

So, what to do if you cheated on your husband with his friend? First, it is necessary to understand why exactly the woman did this. What was the reason and what exactly prompted her to change. There are many options, and we will consider the main ones.

Passion

Sometimes it happens that we live next to a person for many years and treat him indifferently or in a friendly way, and then suddenly we begin to see him from a completely different side and feel attraction. Someone can overcome this desire, and someone rushes "into the pool with his head." And after the act is completed, the realization comes that you cheated on your loved one and it becomes scary. How to act in such a situation? If a woman feels that she went on a betrayal with a friend out of stupidity and in fact she loves only her husband, then such a story can be hidden. Of course, only if you are sure that the friend himself will not tell the husband. If this happens, then you will be in worse position. Therefore, you can be silent about this only when you are confident in the second person.

If you decide to tell, be prepared for the fact that you can lose relations with both your husband and his friend. A husband may simply refuse both of you, and a friend will accuse you of breaking their relationship. Therefore, in this case, it is up to you to decide whether it is worth being honest or whether it is better to live on as if nothing had happened. Of course, you can face your own conscience, but it’s hard to suggest anything here, because everyone decides for himself how best to act.

Revenge

If you cheated on your husband for revenge, then most likely you want him to know about it. In such a situation, only one question arises: what to do with his friend. After all, if a woman cheated with a man whom he has known for many years and whom he trusts, then, often, a man may not forgive his friend and break off relations with him. Of course your personal relationships with her husband, in theory, his friendship should not be hooked, but on the other hand, it is worth considering how strong friendship is if a man calmly cheated on his friend with his wife. Therefore, if you decide to take revenge, then you probably still need to make this relationship public in order to get the desired satisfaction. Although it is still believed that revenge never leads to anything good. But here it is up to each individual to decide whether to agree with this statement or not.

Love

Well, the last one, the most difficult option- A woman changed because she fell in love. Here in this situation it is always necessary to be honest with ourselves and with people who are not indifferent to us. If you feel that you fell in love with your husband's friend, and he reciprocates, you should not run away from your feelings and try to save the family. In this case, you will simply make three people unhappy. Your husband will still always feel that there are no longer the same feelings between you, and your secrets will begin to torment him and sooner or later the relationship will collapse anyway. That is why it is better to be honest about everything right away. Of course, your husband will not be at all happy with such news, and, most likely, your relationship will deteriorate for for a long time and possibly forever. However, you will still know that you did the right thing, and your husband will someday understand that despite the fact that he is in pain, at least he was treated fairly. Remember that love can never be built on lies. Therefore, if you want to be happy - tell us about your betrayal.

Do you dream that a husband and wife are fighting among themselves - in your married life perfect harmony will be established.

You see in a dream that a husband and wife have mercy, make each other pleasant - you are expected to part with your loved one. Husband and wife seem to exchange combs, comb each other - a dream promises you happiness.

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Dream Interpretation - Husband, man

A woman to see in a dream that her husband, lover or close friend married - a prediction that parting and loneliness will soon await her.

If you dream that you are looking for your husband, but he is not there, or you call him, and he turned his back on you and does not respond, or that he left you, then your relationship is ruined. Mutual understanding and tender affection have been lost between you. And if you have a hard time, then your husband will not support you.

Seeing him in a dream painfully pale, unlike himself, means that troubles await you, due to which you will lose peace and sleep.

Seeing your husband handsome (no frills) and pleasant in a dream is a sign of joy and pleasant troubles.

The dream in which you saw that your husband is attracted to another lady tells you that you should pay more attention to him in order to make your life together more attractive and interesting, since your husband is currently dissatisfied with his life with you.

To quarrel and swear, to fight with him in a dream is a dream on the contrary, which portends joyful events and peace in the house.

Seeing your husband killed in a dream means that you yourself can create a situation in the family, followed by a divorce.

Man do in a dream women's work- a sign of trouble, loss, stagnation in business.

Sometimes such a dream predicts death from an accident for the sleeper. To see a man with a white beard in a dream means that you should take care of your health.

To see a dead man on the street in a dream is a sign that you can find new source enrichment. Sometimes such a dream means that your anxieties and troubles will end soon.

Seeing your husband dead in a dream is a sign of loss and great misfortune.

To see many men in a dream is a sign that you will not find a place for yourself. If a woman dreams of a young man of a pleasant appearance and speaks to her, then soon she will change in personal life. Remember the words of this person and how he looks. If your impression of him in a dream is pleasant, then there will be such changes. And vice versa.

To see a freak in a dream and get scared is a sign of anxiety, trouble and grief. Sometimes such a dream means that close person will betray or deceive you.

See interpretation: beard, freak, stranger, dead man.