They create a family and be. How to start a family with a divorced man

Building a family laborious process in which all participants are involved. The slightest mistake on the one hand can be a source of collapse of family relationships. From this the question arises: “Are the husband, wife and children always a family?”. Perhaps these are cohabitants who live together only because of the circumstances. They come after work, have a quick supper and go to their own bedrooms. So how to create happy family where there is respect, trust and love.

Five Rules for a Successful Existence

There are 5 rules that will serve as a guide for you to create a fruitful cooperation. These rules are designed and thought out for the development of mutual respect and love. After all, without these foundations it is impossible to create a happy family.

Comparing yourself to your partner is unacceptable. Comparison gives each person objective moments of knowledge. But when starting to compare, it is important not to “pull the blanket” on yourself.

If you notice that you are starting to compare yourself with your soulmate, run away from it.

You are different - learn to admire it! Character traits, actions loved one do not always match our ideals. Learn to admire it. Think how good it is that you are slow and your partner reacts quickly to situations.

You learn opposite qualities from each other while enhancing your own. You learn to be more active in life, and your soulmate learns to pause. By admiring our partner, we enrich our inner world.

Help move forward. Relationships often lack mutual support. If you don't know how to create a happy family, learn to support your own spouse. Listen, give advice, look for new ideas and give hints.

Highlight in a partner strengths and exalt them. IN family relationships it is important to feel a person, and for this it is necessary to know how he lives, what worries him.

Learn to agree. Let your consent be sincere. To or 1-2 day resentment in married life one half may agree. But at the same time, the intonation of the phrase is such that everyone understands that you think differently.

In general, the ability to agree with the opinion of the second half is already half of a percent of a sincere relationship. After all, everyone wants to hear an affirmative answer in response to a statement. As a result, a feeling of contentment and security arises in the soul.

If the family often argues, find out who is right, the members also face danger. A person lives in a sense of a dirty trick. Learn to say "Yes" and you will see how the second half becomes softer. Please note that it is not the scale that is important, but agreement with at least part of what is proposed.

Sometimes being right is more important than intimacy in a relationship. People tend to prove themselves right. But at the same time, the feeling of unity and closeness is lost. What is important to you in this evidence? Feel the power and own meaning? Then do you need to be together? Spouses should look for something that is akin to them.

Before defending the rightness, think about what you get from this? Do you want to stay together and build strong relationships or prove the weight of your own voice? Being in a relationship is not a sacrifice of one's own ideals and interests. This is a search for a position when both feel good.

Try not to tell others what to do. After all, at this moment you yourself are faced with a choice. Shift the emphasis to your own side and think in which direction to move. There are no right and wrong in family life. The truth is always in the middle.

How to build a happy marriage?

Some spouses enjoy life together, while the other half of the couples prefer to spend time teaching children and grandchildren. Gives pleasure to some active life, full of drive, others get adrenaline watching their favorite TV shows on a quiet evening. Happiness is different, just like different families.

Family happiness in children

The main factor, both the desire and the fear of starting a family, is the birth of children. The birth of new members of society should not happen by chance. Family relationships are excellent if parents understand their own responsibility.

It is necessary to be aware of what problems will arise, what financial investments will be required. Plan children, taking into account the material and moral situation,. Seek help from couples who already have children and know how to create a happy family. Do not delay childbearing and give yourself the joy of being parents.

If you think having a baby will be an obstacle to education or career growth, take a look around. Hundreds of thousands of families combine study, work and.

Creating a family - finding compromises

There is a lot of work in family relationships and the main task Find a solution that suits both. Consider the interests of your husband or wife. Does he want you to wear a less provocative outfit? Add elegance to everyday wardrobe. Socks or candy wrappers scattered around the house? Teach order.

Parents, friends will not help to find a compromise. Your family is a private matter and you must create peace and comfort on your own. The more you communicate together, the faster you will find a way out of the situation. You decide how to behave, establish a personal space and learn best friend friend.

The first time is hard, but who said it was an easy process? Take it positively. The more you are together, the faster you will learn the advantages and disadvantages. After living in a parental home, it is difficult to accept responsibility and follow new orders.

Learn to bypass petty conflicts and forget grievances. Solve problems in a quiet, trusting environment so that respect for each other lasts a lifetime.

Understanding and forgiveness are the foundation

The ability to listen and accept the position of the second half - important task, by deciding which you will create a happy unit of society. Learn to forgive and not remember grievances so that they do not fall as a heavy burden. Trust and respect will help you interact and get out of the most conflict situations.

Understand what is more important: understanding or constant nit-picking and life in reproaches? Indeed, after a long negativity, a time of disgust may come, when each of the spouses, as if under a microscope, examines the shortcomings and criticizes. In the first years of life, spouses only get to know each other and it is important to be patient at this time.

Do not offend dear person ultimatums or threats of separation. Learn to restrain harsh words and think constructively. This will give weight to the words and create an atmosphere of respect. After all, everyone has flaws and some of them can be reconciled. Think about why you chose your soulmate and evaluate the merits.

Give smiles and praise and you will get the same in return. Everyone is pleased to see with him a person who is satisfied with his life, and not a dull person. By expressing positivity, you energize those around you, creating a happy atmosphere for family life.

What is a happy family based on?

Romantics are pleased to know that the family is an elevated society, where everyone praises and adores their soulmate. And it's a shame to hear that creating a family is work.

Family life can be perceived as a science. To create and maintain a happy family, it is necessary to apply the methods of addition, subtraction. Add passion, jealousy to everyday relationships. Take away hope and give it back. Learn to negotiate so that there is equality and balance in everything. Who performs what duties, who goes first to reconciliation, who gives in more often and who walks with friends less often.

If you really want to learn how to create a happy family, remember that not always. What will replace her? This is up to you. Build you trusting relationship, learn to forgive insults, will you support your partner? It's not about grandiloquent phrases, but about the path that each family chooses.

What is family?! It would seem that the answer is obvious. A family is two people who love each other and are bound by marriage. But very often, in order to keep a family strong and friendly, love alone is not enough.

In family relationships, it is very important to be able to "work in a team." To be support and support for the spouse in everything, sometimes even stepping over yourself and your interests. It is also very important to be able to talk with a partner. Willingness to solve problems and compromise. But do not forget about the intimate component of marriage. After all, touching a loved one and good sex with him, sometimes, even the most serious problems can be solved.

Everyone faces difficulties in family life. couples, and, unfortunately, the majority give up already at the first everyday troubles. But those who take the trouble to make some effort will be rewarded with true harmony in family life.

The first difficulties lie in wait for the family at the very beginning of marriage - the so-called crisis of 3 years of marriage. It is associated with the appearance of the first-born in the family. A young mother begins to pay all her attention to a new family member, and dad begins to think that her beloved has lost all interest in him.

Increasingly, the news of the birth of a child becomes a surprise for future parents. And keeping a family in such a situation can be quite difficult. As a rule, in such a situation, dad continues to lead his usual way of life, and all responsibility falls on the fragile mother's shoulders. Often added to this postpartum depression. In such a difficult situation, a young mother can only patiently and calmly explain to her husband how important her husband's help and support is for her.

Try to gently and unobtrusively create conditions for the baby and dad to spend more time together. This will help to "turn on" the father's instinct in the father and establish communication with the child. Then the relationship between the spouses will gradually improve, and the issue of preserving the marriage will not be so acute.

If the pregnancy was planned by the couple in advance, and the child was born desired, then it is quite simple to save the family after the birth of the child. Young parents just need to reasonably approach the distribution of responsibilities for caring for a little person.

By caring for a baby together, a husband and wife will spend more time with each other than if someone does it alone. By consulting and making decisions together, you will learn to better understand each other and develop common approaches and views on raising your child.

The rational distribution of responsibilities has several other huge advantages.

1. Firstly, a busy dad will no longer feel abandoned and useless, and the baby’s love will to some extent compensate for the lack of attention from his wife.
2. Secondly When mom is freed from some of the trouble, she will become less tired, which means that her mood will improve, her strength and desire to pay attention to her husband will increase.

But sometimes all the tricks are in vain, and the husband "goes to the left." Then before each loving woman a logical question arises: how to save a family if the husband has cheated?

To save a marriage after the infidelity of a spouse, you first of all have to decide: can you forgive the betrayal? If the answer is no, then you should just leave. No matter how painful and difficult it may be for you. It is impossible to live with a person if a feeling of resentment gnaws from day to day, and each time you mentally imagine your husband in the arms of another.

If you are still ready to forgive adultery and never return to this page of your life, then you should first understand why this happened. Try to analyze your communication and relationships for yourself. Lately. Think about how you could offend your loved one? What advantages did he find in sex on the side?

Distract yourself from the thought that you cheated with someone. Focus on the fact that cheating is resentment spilled over the edge and dissatisfaction with family relationships. If you yourself have not been able to find the cause, then talk to your husband. But you should seriously prepare for this kind of conversation: set yourself up for the fact that all emotions should be left aside. The calmer your conversation goes, the more constructive it will turn out. Turn to the ear, do not interrupt the man, and then he will tell you everything.

When all the i's are dotted, still do not rush to turn on emotions. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, feelings are not always a good adviser in love affairs, and even more so in family matters. Try to develop a business approach to the current situation.

Compose on a piece of paper detailed plan actions. Your husband voiced your completeness?! So, point number 1 is to sign up for fitness or Gym. No money?! Well, he found money for his mistress, you will certainly find money for yourself! In the very last resort jogging in the park and the sports campus at the school stadium has not been canceled. And in this way, go through all the points voiced by your spouse.

No one will argue that the institution of marriage is now in a serious crisis. Many couples, having lived together for several years, realize that marriage was a mistake, and there really was no love.

Some families break up due to numerous problems that gradually kill the love of one of the spouses.

First, try to find out if this is true or if you are just winding yourself up. Women, for the most part, tend to dramatize and look for a problem where there is none. Perhaps your spouse is not doing well right now or fatigue has accumulated. Then just stay close to him, let him know - no matter what, you are his support and support.

If you are 100% sure that past feelings no longer, you should seriously think about whether you love him, or whether it was a serious, but still temporary hobby. In this case, it may not make sense to keep the family. Wasting time trying to save something that isn't there can leave you missing out on the person you really are.

If, nevertheless, this is love, and it was mutual, but for some reason your spouse has cooled off, and you are sure of the desire to save your family, then start comparing.

Compare the woman your husband fell in love with at the beginning of your relationship with the real you. Is the difference significant? Are you superior to that woman in everything? Just try to be as honest with yourself as possible.

From your cunning, the current situation will not improve. During the comparison, do not stoop to the comparison "and I to him - and he to me." This is counterproductive! After all, it is you who want your husband to love you again, so the whole initiative should come solely from you, and all responsibility for this is also on you.

The easiest way is not to restore cooled feelings, but to fall in love with your husband again. Especially since you've already done it once. So the second time will be much easier.

Do not be reminded that men love with their eyes. Therefore, first of all, change your appearance. Just don't overdo it. You should please the eye, not shock.

Almost all men love sex. And your task is to return this sex to your life. If it is, then you need to make it interesting and diverse. Even if you have been together for many years, then in intimate sphere you still have something to try new. Perhaps your spouse has an old erotic fantasy. It's time to implement it. The more touches, including intimate ones, in your family life, the faster you will get closer again.

Men don't grow up. And you, like no one else, know your preferences big baby. Pamper him! Give him something that he has been dreaming of for so long, but until now it has remained out of reach for him.

If you have been together for many years and in the heat of everyday troubles have greatly moved away from each other, then try to return to your life common interests. Ask how your day went. Perhaps your spouse has new hobbies - take them Active participation. Try to spend more time together. You can just walk or do some common business.

But do not force your loved one to spend time with you or do something that he does not like. Love cannot be forced! But a wise woman will always find a way to veil her desires and push a man in the right direction.

Try to bring romance back into your relationship. Your main task is to color the gray everyday life. Regain interest in you as a woman.

In order to return his love, you need to prove to your husband again that you really need him and is very important to you. That you still love him very much. And only you know how to do this best, because no one knows your husband better than you.

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How to create strong family? Advice for women

ABOUT strong family all girls dream. If you want to get married, then for life. However, the statistics of divorces in our country says that far from everyone can create a strong family. Let's talk about what is necessary for your family relationships to become, if not ideal, but strong and durable.

In order for a family to become strong, it is necessary to learn how to solve all issues and problems together, get out of family quarrels even stronger, learn to put the interests of the family at the forefront. All of the above is very difficult to do. To do this, you need to have a very strong character, be smart, reasonable and know that you can destroy any union in a few minutes, but create a new one ... this may take you a lifetime. So let's learn to be wiser.

1. The main rule of any strong family - This keep love and respect under any circumstances. So don't let yourself break this rule. Remember, if you have chosen a person and married him, then you must treat him reverently with respect and love. If you allow yourself to humiliate your husband, then at the same time you will humiliate your relationship and yourself. After all, you chose him as your wife. Believe me, you can forgive a lot, even humiliation, but after that, relations change very much.

2. Next rule a strong family is be able to quarrel. Do not think that you will be able to avoid conflicts with your spouse, no family is complete without quarrels and showdowns. The main thing is to put up with it correctly and be able to draw conclusions after that. In any conflict, two people are to blame. Therefore, not only do you have to understand the reason why your family quarrel, you still have to resolve it and draw conclusions for the future. All you need for this is a sober look at things and a calm conversation with your half. In order for your look to be really sober, so that your resentment does not cover it, give yourself and your spouse time to cool down before reconciling. Your emotions should subside. Because in a fit of anger, you can say too much to each other, and then it will be hard to forget many of the words spoken.

3. Another rule of a strong family is forgiveness. Believe me, it doesn't ideal men like women. Everyone makes mistakes in their life. So if you want to be wise woman, save your family, make it stronger, then learn to forgive. Your spouse can offend you, forget about your holiday, say a rude phrase. Think about what prompted him to do this, what is the reason for this behavior. Try to understand and forgive him.

4. An important rule of a strong family - be able to turn a blind eye to shortcomings. Are you tired of your spouse throwing socks around the apartment? Or tired that he does not remove the dishes from the table after he eats? Are you arguing with him? Have you set your teeth on edge, proving to him where to put his things? Think about what costs you more - yell at him, sort things out, or quickly put the dishes in the sink, throw your socks in the basket, put things in their place? Perhaps some of the shortcomings you do better to learn to ignore. Believe me, men also turn a blind eye to many things. Think at least about your cosmetics, which are placed throughout the apartment. Therefore, be more forgiving.

5. The fifth and last rule on our list is respect for the family of your chosen one. Whatever relationship you have with your father-in-law, always remember that it was they who raised and raised your husband, they gave him a lot. The main advantage of many women is the ability to endure. Therefore, be strong, never allow yourself to speak badly about your husband's parents.

If you want your family to be strong, so that it is not afraid of any trials, then you need to work on yourself, on your relationships, learn to love, respect, understand, forgive your spouse. After all, the strength of your relationship depends only on you.

Matushka Galina Filippovna Sokolova is amazing bright man. The widow of the famous Moscow priest Feodor Sokolov, for 7 years she has been raising 9 children alone. Her eldest daughters are already married, they are raising their children, the eldest son is serving in the army. Probably, there were few easy days in the life of my mother: during the life of Fr. Theodore, who raised more than one large parish, all his strength was spent on the construction of the temple of God, there was often no money in the house. With the departure of the father, the parish was orphaned, but even in the most difficult days, mother found the strength to console, help, approve.

More about the life of the Sokolov family, about how mother Galina and future father Theodore can be read in the article " " And " “. On our website you can read other conversations with mother Galina: , .

This time we asked mother to tell how to find family happiness how to create a family and keep it from breaking up.

Recently, His Holiness the Patriarch said on Radio Radonezh that the institution of the family is being destroyed in our country. I listened and thought that if the Lamp of our Church says such words, it means that it is truly so. It is evident that both the Patriarch and our Church are worried about how young people live, what goals they have, what views they have, what they want from life.

I saw different youth, different families: happy and not so happy. Everyone has their own family, after all. It is necessary to watch from childhood how people's lives developed, maybe mistakes were made somewhere. And it happens that parents give everything they can to their children: both faith and an honest, hard-working, moral life - and one of the children, growing up, can go astray from the good path. And before you can again be in the bosom of the home church, you need to endure a lot of adversity, to see the world with different eyes.

Girls from our parish, their parents, once approached me, asking me to pray: the girl graduated from the institute, she would like to find a husband. Of course, you are very sympathetic, seeing that both the parents are good, and the daughter is good, and she wants happiness. But how to find family happiness?

Elder Paisius Svyatogorets has a book called “Family Life”, which, I think, should become a reference book in every family. It can be read and re-read, especially for young people - it is so deep and comprehensive, everything in it is laid out in order. It can be used as a lifeline. If you feel that something is wrong in the family, take this book as soon as possible and read it. You will not only learn something useful, but even the peaceful spirit of the book will be transferred to you. You will calm down, you will immediately see your guilt, peace and silence will be restored in the family. I think young people should definitely have this book.

I think every person has their own half. And you need to be prepared to meet her. Of course, when a person is born, the Lord already knows his future, but still He gives the opportunity to choose his path. There is always a choice of which path to take.

Mother's Prayer

There are, of course, God's chosen ones who are given to help us - these are well-known saints. The Lord chose them, seeing the parental feat, and their parents were already lamplighters. The Lord chose them so that later they could pray for the whole world, help us with their prayer and help. They lead us through life, we protect ourselves by their intercessions before the Lord, by their love. Here you ask Saint Nicholas: “Saint Nicholas, help me, dear. You are a friend of Christ, you are his chosen one of God, given to us by God. Don't leave me, help me, you see everything and know everything.

Their path was determined by God, but in life people have freedom. In any life issue, a person has a choice: how to act, how to behave, what to choose in life. And there is always a choice of how to act: according to the will of God or according to your own whim, according to your own stubbornness. Mom tells children, for example, 16-17 years old, that you need to do this, I feel that way in my soul, you better come here here, but you don’t want to, it’s not accepted by children. I want to go through some bumps and snowdrifts, so that after a while I understand that I did wrong. Maybe the Lord gives such bumps so that later a person rushes to the Lord, repentance and correct his life? The Church accepts such repentance, and everything can happen in life. But what about parents? After all, they care so much for the children.

There are 9 children in one family, and they are all different, although there is one family, one was laid, one outlook on life, one goal. If you are a Christian, you give birth to children for the Kingdom of Heaven and you need to bring the children that God has given you for the duration of this life to eternal life. And their parents, of course, are responsible for them. And when you advise something, but it is not perceived, pain appears. So the mother's prayer is born, through suffering. It is impossible without suffering, without sorrow.

If we talk about today's youth, I saw different things: the youth of our parish, my children, their friends. IN school age we were friends together, went to church, prayed, walked together - lived one life. When the school ended, everyone fled in all directions, and there were already some new meetings, friends. They hear different opinions and, out of weakness of spirit, accept them. This is where the path is chosen: the one you lived before or the one you are now facing. You are weak, you want something easier, and new friends don’t seem to do anything so bad, so you follow them. And so you go off your path gradually, - the enemy is cunning, imperceptibly pushes you out of the way. It seems like it's normal - you can do a lot, but others do it too. And so, by this gradualness, many departed from the Church, from the faith, and then completely lost.

Daughters are future mothers

The leaven and foundation for life is given only in the family, and this is the most important thing for a person. Therefore, the way of the family is very important, how parents live among themselves. The child repeats his parents, their words and expressions - absorbs everything into himself. When he grows up, then friends for him also have important role. This is where the struggle between matter and spirit begins. And God grant wisdom, patience and love!

There used to be a tradition of family house-building. The boys were given to study, so that he could do a lot with his hands, so that his hands would become golden, and what he did not touch, it went well in his hands - he could do any work. In such work, the spirit, strength, and confidence are strengthened. When a person works with his hands, he gains patience. And patience is simply necessary in human life. Thanks to this, he will be able to take someone under his wing. Girls have always tried to teach to lead household so that she can do a lot with her hands - sew, embroider, cook, wash. Now we have come to the conclusion that we have completely destroyed the traditions of house-building.

How did the mother teach her daughter? From what age should a daughter already take care of herself, her thoughts, desires? After all, a mother always sees her daughter, the talents that God gave her, which need to be developed and directed. So that my daughter would try harder on this, so that later she could give to people, to God. After all, every person has a lot of talents, and we don’t even know that we have them. If a person lives a good life, then the Lord reveals all the talents in a person, throughout his life, even if he has no education. So mom goes to talk with her daughter, they open up to each other. Also with sons. It is desirable that dad talks with sons, but mom also plays a very important role.

That's how it is with our girls. I always tried to set them up for the fact that they are future mothers. For the first time I felt real help from my eldest daughter at the age of 10. From the age of 10, I began to tell her that she future mom and mistress, and must learn to do a lot. I always lived at home with the children, so I always knew what they were talking about, I always heard how they communicate with each other. A simple situation - Liza or Natasha, they were still small, sitting on the sofa, I go into the room, and they are in some kind of position: whether the dress is pulled up, or they are sitting on their leg. I always paid attention to this, I said: well, sit down decently, you are a girl, straighten your dress, remember that the Lord is always before you, He is always looking at you. This is all very important.

Of course, they always help in the kitchen in everything, participate. Since our children were born, the elders were responsible for the younger ones in everything. I taught them how to feed and swaddle, how to take care of the baby and how to put him down, explained why the baby was crying. I have always cooked them.

She herself always prayed that the Lord would grant them good husband, a Christian, so that everything will be fine with them. I always asked the Lord, the Mother of God, the Saints, whom you know, whom you trust, who are in your heart.

Here, for example, Lyubochka. When I asked her what she asks for, when she approaches the relics, when she prays in front of the icons. She answered - she asks the Lord to send her a good husband, and this is already at the age of 13. It was a simple childish prayer. They saw our relationship with dad when he was still alive. Lyubochka is now only 17 years old, and the Lord has already sent her a very kind and very deeply religious person, a future priest, we have known him for more than 10 years.

We must surrender ourselves to the will of God

I think that it is impossible to make a goal out of finding your soul mate. And you have to surrender yourself to the Will of God. Yet from the Lord, we do not do everything from ourselves.

It is very important here, when a girl wants to get married, that the girl first of all prays herself. If the parents are good, they also pray, submit notes, take on the feat. I saw many parents who begged their daughters for a husband, refused some pleasures until the moment when the daughter finds a husband. And the Lord always sent.

I knew one girl who every year on January 1, at a time when everything after New Year's Eve walk, and she was driving early in the morning at half past six in the morning to the Komsomolskaya station. And from there - to Sergiev Posad to St. Sergius. And there she begged him to send her a good husband, faithful to God. So she went for six years. She was very quiet and humble, just praying. And the Lord sent her a very good little man, and I know that everything will be fine soon.

There are many Saints. And what is our Saint Nicholas for? He is also the Organizer, He is such a Quick Helper.

I heard a lot about the guys from the Seminary. They only need to get married once. And nowadays it is very difficult to choose. There are cases when at first everything is fine, meets, loves, goes to the temple, good, there are no minuses. They get married, and she says that she has done her job, prayed and stops working spiritually. Everything happens in life. Or after marriage they say that if they knew what awaits, they would never marry priests. After all, being a mother is a lot of work. And not everyone can work. So, a man of weak faith. Where do you think your love has gone? Many questions arise. Have you thought about the future of this person, because he cannot marry a second time. A lot of problems then appear. Therefore, it happens that the guys for all 5 years, while studying, go to the Mother of God to bow: “Mother of God, send me a good mother in my life.” So he entrusts himself to Her, that She sends them. Many people do this. Who are the Mothers of God, who are praying to St. Nicholas. So every day: "Send me a good one, send me a good one." For such humility and is given. Every time you drip, drip, and someday the bucket will overflow.

If, of course, you will demand from the Lord - give me now - then, of course, you will not receive it. And if with humility... watch with what feeling you stand before the Lord... after all, He looks at your heart, what is in your heart, in your soul? Do you demand your whim? Or maybe in this moment are you not ready yet? Or maybe you have poor health, and you can’t bear a strong child, maybe you still need to live alone for a year, so that the Lord everything inside, thanks to Communion, invisible to us, corrects everything. The Lord cares about each of us, wants good for everyone.

In addition, there should not be high expectations from the future chosen one. If you invent everything for yourself, it will be very difficult to find such a person. And you pray to the Lord, give yourself into His hands, let Him give you the person you need. So you met a man, you must show his parents, confessor, or maybe they will feel something wrong. You still need to get their blessing. Maybe the parents will understand that he looks at life in a completely different way, but you have not seen it yet. You need to tell your daughter carefully. You take your time. Wait, calmly, take a walk, do not promise anything, look at how he is. Can he be your patron, the father of your children? Maybe he just wants to have fun, not getting married, not signing. There's a lot here. Here both the soul and the heart should prompt - if you sincerely pray.

Although I did not have an inner realization that Fedyusha was my man, when I met him, I was still just a child, I knew little about life. I graduated from the 10th grade in a deaf village. Somehow I got into their kitchen ... by God's providence, of course. I work there, washing dishes, and suddenly such a young man saw me. Father Fedor always told everyone if he was asked that he believes in love at first sight, because that's how he fell in love with me.

So you need to rely on the Will of God. You need to ask the Lord, not to demand, but to ask, because you believe in the Lord, trust Him.

Girls mistake

Right now, some girls, young people, have rushed to make a career for themselves so much that they forget about the most important thing. We will not touch the boys, because they have to get a profession and support a family, while girls have a different purpose. It turns out that she herself does not give herself into the hands of God, but believes that she must first unlearn, and only then think about marriage. 5 years pass, and with graduate school, and all 7. You are already 25-27, you already want to get married, but already difficulties come. Time is running, everyone travels abroad, learn languages, but I will also do a second education for myself. At that time, young people surround you, pay attention to you, and you pay attention to them. So, you are already losing your purity of soul anyway.

Here's how one girl - she is now dating a boy, but she is not going to marry him. Why meet then? She replies that she needs to find out what guys are, what their views are, what are the pros and cons. Can a Christian think like that? Of course not. Every person has pros and cons. Only love can help overcome them! And by the grace of God, you will never see cons in this person! Elder Paisius said that this is how the Lord determines that one is hot himself, and the wife is meek, quiet, humble. After all, it is God's gift to have such a wife, then they get along with each other. She humbles herself, she sees his qualities that she does not have. She approves that he is what he is and bears his weakness on herself. She will save herself, and he is saved by this. He is surprised at her meekness, he loves her for it, he is ready to lay down his life for her. Or, for example, the wife is obstinate, then the husband must be humble so that he remembers that he still loves her, no matter what she is. There is pride in her, but there is something else, she is the mother of his children. With her, he is before God, which means he deserved such a wife. It means that in his youth he behaved, perhaps incorrectly, with his mother. Such a wife was given to him by God for salvation. And the children, seeing harmonious relationship parents, they are surprised, come out very good.

This is the mistake of girls who strive to get an education, during this time they walk with the guys, they lose and scatter what God has given them, and then they are left with nothing.

Some girls, young people, are trying to build a career. I even know a girl who says she can't afford marriage right now because she's building a career. At the same time she walks with the guys. I warn her that this will not lead to anything good. If she really wants to get married, then she should seriously look at the guys. If a Christian, then try to find a person with whom she would have the same goal in life. If the spirit is different, then very great difficulties always arise in family life. And not everyone can bear such a cross.

In the family - one spirit

The spirit is what a person strives for in life, what is his goal and his life itself. And if we are talking about Christians, then the goal of our life is to reach the Kingdom of Heaven, to try in our lives to bring good to the people around us, to be merciful to them, to try to help them. Therefore, the husband must be of the same spirit with you, so that his goal would be the same. After all, you need to educate your children in faith, in love for God and for people, but not for this life. Many parents tell their children to enjoy and live this life, because we only live once.

And what is the goal of the chosen one? And he may want something completely different. He may want to buy something, want to go somewhere, dress in a completely different way. After all, if you now live for this world, it means that you cannot be the same as you are now, modest, which means that you need to behave in a completely different way. Now a person is often accepted in society by what company a person has on his clothes. But the most important thing is what kind of soul, what kind of heart a person has. So think about what kind of husband you want to choose for yourself.

If you choose a husband of other values, you will live for a year and see that he is not happy with you, because of this you cannot go to a bar, lead an easier life. Then he will go to the left, to another woman, and you have a child, and you get unhappy children and wives. It happens, but rarely, that through some trials a husband comes to faith through a believing wife. After all, the apostle Paul says that the unbeliever is illuminated by a believing wife. It is necessary to be 100% sure that your chosen one is a moral person. The law of God rests on morality, doesn't it? It is necessary that he be kind, that his heart be kind, that he be merciful. Then we can already say that he is Christ. Then you are a wife, a Christian, and he still does not believe in Christ, but he sees your life. And he can follow you and be sanctified by you. And if this person has a different inner content, then there will be great difficulties.

And really, why create it? Whatever decision you make, you will still regret it. And then you will regret that you regretted, and again you will regret that you regretted that you regretted. And so on ad infinitum. In general, if a person asks himself the question of whether to create a family, then, probably, he has not yet matured for a family. In general, it seems to me that if a man has not started a family before the age of thirty, then he will start it with the greatest creak, only under great pressure (mothers, girlfriends, etc.) or under duress. It's easier to spin on the family of some fifty-year-old, three times married man than such a son from under his mother's wing. Because it's no secret to anyone that it's much better to live with your mother. Moms always carry coffee to bed, and beloved women - for about two months at most, then this coffee begins to fly along with cups.
A woman, on the contrary, the closer to thirty, the more she wants to get married, and such an imbalance turns out.

But up to thirty, everything is strictly the opposite. Therefore, it is necessary to create a family, probably, somewhere at the age of 22-24. Although these are only my own assumptions and are not based on any research other than my observations.

Family life is hard. Pleasures are very doubtful, except for regular feeding and washing, but a man can easily cope with this himself if he shows a minimum of desire.

The washing machine was invented by men, and for some reason the best cooks are also men.

Children are terribly annoying, especially those who are like us and endowed with our shortcomings. In general, an interesting point: the more a child looks like you, the more annoying he is. The effect is the same as when you watch a videotape of yourself. Wives make unreasonable purchases, and the longer married life goes on, the more unreasonable these purchases are.

But actually there is another side of the coin.

Most of all, a person gets tired of rest. He is even more tired of pleasure. They smash it to smithereens very quickly, just in monstrous terms.

It's like at the end of a vacation: you suddenly realize that you miss work terribly, and another week of such a rest, and it will be completely sick. There is nothing to push yourself to, nothing to do. There is no tourist excitement, you no longer want to sunbathe in the sun.

Well, now, perhaps, the main thing!

Still, a person is constructively created in order to give something to someone, and not to take. And only by giving, he understands that he has gained something. At least honest fatigue, or joy, or just a feeling that you are doing something necessary and moving in some direction, and not standing still. Plant a tree, raise a son, build a house.

And that's why you need to create a family!

• Discuss spiritual values. Let love for the Lord become a daily part of your life. Teach your children to love the Lord in everything they do, every day at mealtimes, cooking on fresh air when you carry a load on your back, during a picnic, a walk in the park or forest, fishing, etc. Let your conversation about spiritual values ​​be spontaneous revelation.
• Cultivate love for God. This is our main responsibility. We cannot give our children what we do not do ourselves. Children take our example, and we cannot give them what we do not have. God must be our source. You need to prioritize your personal life and in the home, to love the Lord with all one's being. Love for God will lead to obedience to Him.
• Learn from your lifestyle. Only by our own example can we teach children what love is, and therefore we must show love and respect for our other half in front of the family and others, so that our children learn what love is. true love and adopted a pattern of behavior.
• Share Christ's point of view and, as a result, express praise or condemnation in the family. The creation of marriage and family is based on self-sacrifice, which implies a real and adequate sharing of joy and sorrow.
• Teach Children to Honor Their Parents. Our parents are the most important people in life. What does honor mean? It means respect, love, appreciate, obey.
• Capture any moments from which you can learn something. Observe the people and situations that affect you throughout your life and take instructive moments as you watch the changes Christ brings to your life. Teach your children about other faiths and cultures. Teach them to respect and love all people. Our world will be a better place if we all do this.
• Love the Lord God First.
• Live in unity. When the family is united, it is good and pleasant. Love is the bond that unites us, but we must learn to restrain our selfish desires to destroy this unity. First on the list are hard work and patience. We must also be willing to forgive and be willing to show love to one another. Pride is the enemy of unity. Stubbornness is his sword, and anger is his wound. We must learn to prioritize caring and benefiting others own interests. When we do this, we will discover our family life"good and pleasant." Unity in Christ is like dew falling on mountains. Moisture nourishes vegetation and causes growth. The plant world supports the animal world. The mountains are fed with God's blessing. “When the love of unity prevails in the family, life will be filled with energy. Children will discover the joy and meaning of life. Parents will feel like accomplished people. Regardless of what they are doing. The dew will fall on the whole family and fuel spiritual growth. This breeding ground will bring about emotional wholeness. This will affect our relationships and help us be more open to spiritual growth.” Spurgeon comments: “Like moisture flowing down from high mountains to lesser hills.... Where love reigns, God reigns. ... Living together in love, we will enjoy eternity.”
• Let your life be like an open book for everyone to read..