How to immediately understand that a man is using you: we bring the manipulator to clean water. What to do if a man does not love, but uses. A man loves or uses - how to understand

Instruction

In fact, you can become a mistress by different reasons: self-affirmation, desire for material gain, warm feelings. Young girls are often attracted to a man's age, status, and sexual experience.

The question of what to do if my man is married, unfortunately, is not uncommon. Advice in the field personal relationships are rarely useful because they are subjective. The answer is usually lurking in the right question asked. In order for the question to be formulated correctly, you need to learn how to analyze relationships.

When only a bed binds you, you should not make plans for a joint future. You are just having fun, and this relationship can always be ended. Sex is not love, attraction tends to pass, which can lead to disappointment.

Selfishness, unfortunately, sometimes spoils the picture. When you say that your partner is only yours, do not give it to anyone - these are destructive words that are likely to cause your separation. Blinded by feelings, you can ruin his relationship in the family. For example, you slandered the wife of your lover. When this becomes known, you will certainly lose credibility in the eyes of your loved one. And even if, dishonestly, you nevertheless achieved your goal - a wedding, remember, if you took someone else's man away, they can do the same to you.

Young people should be more careful. Men tend to get what they want at any cost. Relations with another is the end, and the end, as you know, justifies the means. A man will easily lie that everything is bad in his family, just to keep you. Especially if he is much older than you, he probably wants to prove that he is still capable of much. In most cases, having acquired a mistress, a man feels confident, pays more attention to his wife, finds a different approach to her. He does not allow thoughts of divorce, especially if there are children in his family.

Nature created people in such a way that a man must make decisions. If he decides to divorce, then most likely he will inform you about this shortly before the divorce itself, or after the fait accompli.

If you really love him, remember that love is an altruistic feeling. Have fun, fill your life with positivity, respect him and his family. The more noble and tactful you behave, the better your relationship will develop.

A man does not let go: the reasons for a difficult situation

Why a man does not let go if he does not love - complex issue, because the situation in each pair is essentially unique. More often we are talking about the elementary instinct of the owner. The representative of the stronger sex is used to the fact that he has a faithful girlfriend, ready for many sacrifices for the sake of his attention. It is difficult for a man to refuse such a relationship, because he likes to feel his unemotional superiority over the one that is not able to resist feelings. What other reasons most often force the representative of the stronger sex to be next to the unloved?

The situation in which a man does not have deep feelings for his partner, but cannot let her go, is familiar to many women. Sometimes both partners get so entangled that they no longer understand why their relationship has developed this way.

Most often, it can be a simple habit or fear of being alone. In such cases, sooner or later a man will leave a lady who has stopped causing his heart to beat faster for the sake of new feelings and emotions.

The correct behavior of a woman if a man does not love her

The realization that the second half no longer experiences deep feelings comes to the woman gradually. Guesses and resentments merge together, and comes to the surface harsh truth. In such situations, a woman can act as follows:

try to restore relationships, resurrect the feelings of a lover for yourself;
break all contacts and try to start a new relationship;
show the same selfishness, and continue to build relationships without feelings for a partner.

Whichever option a woman chooses, the first thing she should do is talk to a man. An ordinary conversation sometimes helps to dot the i's and understand why such a controversial situation has arisen. Many men are afraid frank conversations, but the topic must be raised until the partner talks about his emotions.

The duration of the relationship, because the longer the partners are together, the more difficult it is for them to part forever.
Depth of own feelings in relation to the man.
The presence or absence of a common company of friends, children and property.
The behavior of the partner and his current attitude towards the woman.

If a man does not let go of his partner, this does not mean at all that deep down he feels something for her. Many ladies have been entertaining themselves with empty hopes for several years, expecting that the situation is about to change. If a man does not have feelings, then it will be very difficult to develop them, and for this you will have to make a lot of effort. You can work on such relationships where only one person loves, either if you have very deep feelings, or if long term relationship and the presence in them of the third member - the child.

If a man shows aggression, raises his hand to a woman, cheats on her every day, being generous with insults, you don’t need to grab this relationship to the last. How used to be a woman will begin to respect himself, the sooner this tragic story will not mutual love will come to an end.

Another situation that occurs everywhere is the need for a shake-up. Some men one day come to the conclusion that stable and strong relationship they got bored. However, as soon as offended woman leaves their lives, the representatives of the stronger sex understand what they have missed. Sometimes a breakup is the only thing that can help a situation.

Can a man love?

Absence of feelings natural phenomenon, because even the first beauty may be faced with the fact that the chosen one is indifferent to her. In such a situation, only one question arises: can a man ever fall in love. Psychologists believe that in such a controversial situation, the likelihood of tender feelings extremely small. If a man uses a woman for his own purposes, if he considers relationships as a habit, then one should not wait for inciting vivid feelings. Such a person will remain cold, no matter what.

However, if a man does not let go of a woman, but sometimes shows tenderness towards her, then there is still a chance to save the relationship. A woman can only make every effort to resolve the problem as soon as possible. She needs to constantly emphasize her external attractiveness, show care and tenderness towards a man, try to fill the joint pastime with pleasant memories. In this case, sincere feelings may develop over time.

A situation in which a man does not let go, but at the same time does not love, is not uncommon. At the heart of such a personal tragedy lies the fact that in fighting for feelings for this partner, a woman may miss a sincere and fulfilling relationship. Psychologists advise boldly breaking off relations with those who behave selfishly, aggressively and dishonorably. However, as long as one of the partners loves, the relationship has a chance to recover.

Olesya, Taganrog

Not everything is so simple in the world of men. They live with us, love us, but play by their own rules. And we girls need to know these rules in order to understand what game to play and how to win. The more competently you show yourself in a relationship with your lover, the more points you will earn in the eyes of the chosen one as his girlfriend, wife and mother of future children.

Not one step back, or Rule One

All people make mistakes, but men never. The statistics of the "Hunting School" (a sample of five thousand men) happily informs us that the probability of a man admitting his mistake tends to zero. This is especially true if the woman turned out to be right. A man, of course, can apologize, but with what pleasure he will blame everything on circumstances. He will say that he was forced: "I did not want to, but it happened." The most amazing thing is that, most likely, he is telling the truth, and the most difficult thing is to look at this truth. male eyes. I warn you right away, the ones who will be guilty in his story will be: colleagues, bosses, the situation, but not himself.

The only intention that he pursues at this moment is a desperate desire to remain a good guy for you. After all, it is when a man has not lived up to your expectations that he is most afraid of being bad. He himself perfectly understands that he is to blame. When a woman constantly points out to a man his mistakes and recalls old sins, then sooner or later he will begin to meet your worst expectations.

As soon as a man is wrong and you are right, you inevitably face a choice: be right and continue to defend your point of view, or be happy and look at the situation through the eyes of a man. And you will choose the second if you value your relationship. As long as you accept his truth, as long as you look at him with faith and admiration in your eyes, he will strive to match his reflection in the eyes of the woman he loves.

One step forward, two steps back, or Rule Two

A man when meeting is not looking for Serious relationships. He is quite enough "regular frivolous". Remember how often it sounds: “I want to get married!”, But you are unlikely to hear about the fact that “I want to get married.”

Any attempt to enter a name young man in the marriage certificate is perceived by him as an aggressive encroachment on his freedom. And a man is very jealous of his personal space. Only after some time, more and more deeply realizing how good he is with this girl, the man begins to let her into his personal space.

But you need to "master" the male territory as if you were a cat, slowly and carefully moving forward on soft paws. As soon as you show your claws or declare that you have the right to his space, the man will immediately take a step back or to the side, reminding you that you are only a guest in his house, even a welcome one.

If you want to marry the chosen one - act! Siege, ambush and caution - these are your trump cards on the way to female happiness. This fortress cannot be taken by storm.

Dust in the eyes, or the third rule

All men boast, but each does it in his own way: someone beautiful wife, someone with a new car, and someone with a number of books read.

When a woman admires a man, he feels special. And at that moment a miracle happens: simple guy suddenly wings grow behind the back. Now he is Superman and ready to kill the villain, in the sense of coping with any problem.

Therefore, admiration is what every representative of the strong half of humanity subconsciously expects and dreams of. Thirst and need for admiration is manifested in rivalry with friends, in an effort to throw dust in the eyes of women. He boasts himself and subconsciously waits for approval from the outside. As in childhood. After all, if he is "hoo" what a wonderful - it must be noticed.

When you hear any revelation from a man, don't stop him, don't try to dispel his illusion of omnipotence. Fantasy, even if it is far from reality, can become reality if you allow yourself to believe in it.

Brevity is the sister of talent, or the Fourth Rule

Communication plays a different role in the life of a man and a woman. For girls, the process of communication is a pleasure in itself. For guys, it's just a way to get information. And everything they hear, they perceive as it is. Ornately constructed phrases and indirect requests do not find a response in male soul. The simpler the sentence is constructed, the more likely it is that you will be understood correctly.

A girl who is in a relationship with a young man sincerely believes that her beloved should read her thoughts or at least guess about her desires. But the more the request is veiled, the more hints, the harder for a man guess what they want from him. In this mutual misunderstanding lies the cause of female disappointment. And the man has a counter reaction - irritation. He feels that they are dissatisfied with him, but he cannot understand what he is doing wrong and why cannot he simply say what is required of him?

It just so happened that a man is a logical and handsome creature, but he is used to speaking briefly and clearly, getting specific answers to his questions and simply does not know how to do it differently. By explaining your needs as clearly as possible, you make it easier for him and get what you need: a new iPhone, a trip to the cinema or affectionate sms for the night.

"Iron Mask", or Rule Five

In the harsh world of men, it is not customary to show emotions. real hero always wearing a mask: no one should see his face. The ability to "keep the brand" and hide experiences is hallmark the strongest half of humanity. A man who has trouble at work is the most withdrawn, laconic and gloomy creature in the world. All he wants when he has difficult period in life, so that the household, together with the woman he loves, leave him alone.

At this moment, various bad thoughts enter the woman’s head, and she begins to think about them. Going through worst options development of relations, the girl is offended and withdraws into herself, and then the young man has another headache is getting bigger. Or he begins to interrogate his beloved with predilection about what plunged him into world sorrow. A man, in order to cope with something - to survive betrayal, resentment or solve a difficult task - needs to digest it in himself.

And we have to be patient. After all, after a man solves his problems in his head, we will receive a well-deserved reward: he will return in a wonderful mood and ready to communicate.

Herd instinct, or the sixth rule

The herd instinct is not a relic of the past, it still drives modern representatives of the strongest half of humanity and is manifested in the male desire to unite in companies. There are three signs by which men unite in groups.

The first is by age. People of the same age have something to remember, because their childhood passed at the same time and the culture of this period will always be close to them.

The second is interest. Direction male interests can lie in any area.

The third is the presence of a common enemy. In these groups, the most high level adrenaline and testosterone and the most intolerant attitude to life, often multiplied by a heightened sense of justice.

In each men's group there are topics in which our boys show the most reverent interest. Sex, sports and / or politics - that's what the heated men's minds when we're not around.

If you are not happy that a young person spends too much time in the company, you can either enter his environment and become part of the group, or take frequent absences with friends as a personal space and calmly go about your business. You can enter the immediate environment of your loved one by accepting the following settings:

First, your man has great company.
Second, you like the place where they gather.
Third - we are talking about the desire to meet and chat with his friends. If we get a refusal, we return to point three in a couple of days or weeks.
Fourth - his friends are your friends!

"The Dying Swan", or the Seventh Rule

There is no more defenseless and attention-hungry creature than a sick man. Indeed, even in conscious infancy (the age of three years or more), your boy was taught that if he is sick, he is the center of the universe. Now you can not do a lot, everyone walks on tiptoe and talks in whispers. And it's so nice when you are looked after, and the disease gives carte blanche to this.

So at this moment, the prospect opens up before you to show yourself with the best side. With his own hands, cook chicken broth, so useful in his "mortal" state, spoon-feed him, straighten his blanket and put his favorite films on DVD. And if you want to breathe life into your "dying swan" to the maximum, then you can do it all in a nurse's dressing gown from a sex shop.

In men and women different psychology and this can cause disagreement in the relationship. But everything is in your hands: write the script of your life on your own, become the director and the main character of the story of your own happiness.

>>What to do if a man is lying

What to do if a man is cheating? What if the husband is lying?

This article, titled " ", we will complete the topic on male deception. It is the end of the previous articles: "" and "".

Understanding the reasons for male deception and finding out that he really is lying to you is only half the battle. Indeed, for many women it is not a secret that their husbands are dishonest with them. But they accept these lies because they don't know what to do if the husband constantly lies.

Often a woman herself pushes a man to deceive

Often a woman, by her behavior, herself pushes a man to deceive. If he likes to watch over a man, to extort from him: where was he? why was it half an hour late? who called? Who are you writing to? and make scandals even for a minor reason, then the man will lie to her. And he will do it, in order to.

And this way of deception is laid in people from childhood. First, the boys deceive moms, dads and teachers at school in order to avoid punishment. When, he continues to deceive his wife, who, like his mother, scolds him for any wrongdoing.

What to do if a man deceives you in this way? Well, here the answer is obvious. If a man lies to you because he is afraid to tell the truth, then make sure that he is not afraid to tell you it. Be open with him, trust your husband, support him, talk to him, interest him.

Your goal is to make sure that you are not afraid to tell the truth and make up a lie instead, and want to tell you what happened. And I would tell you this regularly, every evening in the evenings. You need to communicate more often and it will become a habit. This is a simple one that works very effectively and protects against many omissions. Dear women, remember, a man should not be afraid of talking with you, he should want and be willing to communicate with you.

Why does a woman often accept male deceit?

It often happens that a woman knows that a man is deceiving her, but she does not know what to do. This happens in cases where a woman is afraid to accept the truth and prefers a lie to her, in which she sees at least some hope for herself. After all, the truth, as you know, is often bitter. And instead of the bitter, but the truth, a woman accepts a sweet, but a lie from a man in the family.

Below we present one case that occurred in one of the couples. In this family and secretly met with her. They were connected with their wife by children and a common business and, therefore,. But his wife began to notice more and more often, but he did not confess, he said that he had no one.

This situation continued for quite some time. The husband lied to his wife and she did not know what to do about it. The woman loved him and did not want him to similar situation became . Then she decided to take her husband "to clean water"and thereby force him to stop contact with another woman.

And, although the man hid his connections on the side, but his wife, over time, picked up enough evidence to show him that she knew everything. Then she presented them to him. The man realized that there was simply no point in lying any further. He carefully looked at his wife and said: "You're right, I've been in love with another woman for a long time."

After this conversation, he already stopped hiding his relationship on the side. The man began to sleep in a separate bedroom, called his mistress from his room and talked to her, no longer hiding from his wife. And his wife began to worry even more. She did not want to divorce, but with her husband they became, in fact, strangers.

This example is very significant. And many women, in similar or other situations, know the truth, but accept, instead of it, "comforting" lies from the man. Indeed, such a truth often means that the relationship is over.

What to do so that a man does not cheat?

1. Well, for starters, start with yourself. In general, overcoming any difficulties should start with yourself. With changes in myself. If you bully your husband every day about his frequent gatherings with friends, then understand that before marrying you, they also gathered and sat together. They are also a part of his life and he knows them longer than you, perhaps with many more "sitting on the potty". Such friends cannot simply be deleted from life.

Yes, you are now also a part of his life, yes, even the main and closest one. But your task is not to replace everything else with yourself (it’s impossible anyway), but to harmoniously integrate into his life and take the most honorable place in it, without infringing (well, not completely infringing) other interests.

2. No need to arrange daily "interrogations with addiction" like his strict mother. If he does not want to tell or share any events, let him know that you are not a stranger. That you are interested in everything that happens to him, and that you want to listen to him. Again, for this, you need to change yourself and after a while, not immediately, your husband will begin to change.

3. Start. And if it seems to you that it is impossible to trust him, because he lies all the time, think about it, because he, too, therefore lies, that, in many cases, he does not know. If mutual trust is returned to the family, then they will get better, and lies and deceit will disappear, it will become much less.

4. Consider whether any lie is evil. After all, you yourself, for sure, resort to some female tricks and tricks, but this, too, is a kind of deception. In general, the concept of "deception" is very broad. Deception are jokes and various tricks. No matter how they say that the trick is sleight of hand and no deception. Betrayal is also a lie. But between these types of deceit, you can not put an equal sign.

Also in family life, not every deceit is an evil to which one must react negatively. Many situations can be treated with a joke and irony. Very often, men know what women want to hear from them. Therefore, they say what the fair sex needs. After all, women love with their ears. Women love both compliments and beautiful words, even if they understand that the man is exaggerating.

Imagine this situation: a woman asks a man: "Do you like Angelina Jolly?" or "Would you like to have sex with other women?" or: "I gained 6kg, is it very noticeable?". In general, why do women ask such questions? After all, they themselves know the answer to them. But, nevertheless, they ask because they want to hear things that are pleasant for themselves, they are waiting for support from men. And men also feel this subtly and tell women what they expect to hear.

Therefore, accept compliments from men, it is quite natural. Even if you see that a man is clearly cunning and flattering you, you don’t have to tell him: “You’re lying, you scoundrel,” or “You’re lying again.” Better smile and hug him, because he wants to please you.

Dear, our beautiful women, remember that men, most often, lie not to offend or anger you. And situations are different. Perhaps your man met best friend childhood, whom he had not seen for more than 10 years and, therefore, came home late. And I didn't warn you because I was afraid of your harsh opinion and scandal on the phone. And, perhaps, he, however, had a mistress. Then it's a different matter. After all, deceit is a deceit and it will be wrong to react to any cunning of a man in the same way.

writer and relationship expert

We are all so different that one likes white, and the other - well, let it be turquoise. And arguing about what is more beautiful and why is an absolutely useless thought, and also too philosophical. And therefore for modern world, where women are trying to keep up with everything and further more, in the sense of giving birth to children, and building a career, and keeping their ass nuts - the fact that also in financial plan. And in this issue there will be exactly as many opinions as there are similar examples of families with such initial data.

Remember the situation of Anne Hathaway's character in The Intern? The husband is a housewife, whom all the ladies of the district and mothers from kindergarten daughter, left his career on strange reason: my wife has a more pleasant relationship with work, which means she has a flag in her hands. It all ended too trite: not seeing his wife, left without attention and love, and at the same time mired in cooking, washing and other female joys, the husband soon flew into an affair on the side. He no longer felt needed, could not substitute a strong male shoulder and was financially dependent on a busy wife. Isn't that exactly what happens in life? Let not all such families with financial inversion, but certainly many.

Man's financial ceiling

Choosing to be companions certain man, in fact, a woman chooses for herself the life that he can offer her. And therefore it is quite normal that Bali is far from shining for everyone, someone will have to fly once a year exclusively under the palm trees of Turkish lands

For many men, there is the concept of a financial ceiling, and this, in turn, means that your chosen one will never jump above his capabilities. Therefore, he offers you a concrete life with the conditions of comfort that he has on this moment. It turns out to be at least strange and dishonest in relation to a man: to marry, roughly speaking, a driver, and then demand the impossible from him - diamond rings, villas in Spain and “When will you finally start to earn normally?”. In this case, the fact that he earns much less than his wife does not at all give her the right to humiliate his manhood, pull the poor fellow by the ears, pushing the fact that "I can do it" - this is also a kind of blow below the belt.

Ease of Opportunities

But there is another type of men who are potentially ready to grow and earn money, it’s just that their career is currently either at the start or at an intermediate stage before a possible take-off. Unlimited financial opportunities women or limited, but to a large extent large, can unintentionally bring down a man's fuse. For men walking by leaps and bounds uphill, the main motivator has always been the desire to provide for their woman, children - family comfortable conditions existence. That is why they strive for more and better. And then - bang - and on a silver platter everything is already presented for you, and your efforts become absolutely unnecessary - everything is already there. As a result, the man relaxes and stops growing in career terms, fixing on constant static, - the wife is still everything family problems will decide.

No career ambitions

There is a third type of men who, in principle, are far from the world financial problems. These can also be creative people, either who are fond of, for example, science, or deeply family, who have a strongly developed paternal principle and a desire to devote most of their lives to family, children and home, or those who have limited physical capabilities due to health reasons. Naturally, such men will always earn potentially less than their wife. Will they become bad husbands or fathers? Of course not! But at the same time, the decisive factor of stability and harmony in such a family should be mutual agreement, that is, this state of affairs should suit both for the maximum number of percent. Many European men, for example, choose this format family relations, proceeding from the principle “Whoever does it better is at the helm, and the second one is engaged in housekeeping and children”, without any gender prejudices.