How to survive the betrayal of her husband: practical advice from psychologists. How to survive the betrayal of his wife - Psychologist's advice on how to live after

If life is a struggle, then betrayal is a targeted blow to the stomach, after which you fly out of the ropes and lie for a long time, gasping for air and trying to recover. Despite the statistics that say that 75% of men rewarded their wives with horns at least once in their lives, we always hope that this will not happen in our family. And when it does happen, we get lost, give up and don’t know what to do next. How to survive cheating husband? With a scandal to throw out the things of a traitor from the balcony and no longer let him on the threshold? Go to tear out the patches of the homeowner? Pretend like nothing happened and endure for the sake of the children?

Why do they change

Male infidelity has many faces, like Indian Brahma. Even more. The creator of the universe in Hinduism had only four faces, while any convinced lover of “going to the left” will immediately give you four more reasons for treason. The nature that created it monogamous is to blame. A wife who does not understand the tender soul of her husband. Alcohol, boredom, a fatal confluence of circumstances ... All the reasons can not be counted.

Not every couple can stand the test of betrayal.

If you are interested in understanding the reasons for cheating in more detail, read about, you can learn something interesting for yourself. But now we are concerned not so much with the reason that pushed the spouse into the arms of another woman, but with the question of what you should do with all this now. The question is almost Hamletian: to be or not to be from now on your family?

Divorce, only divorce!

As long as the spouses have a chance to save the marriage, you need to fight for it. If only because building the next one will not be any easier, and you are already connected with this man shared memories, pleasant moments of the past, knowledge of each other's habits and inclinations. It costs a lot! However, there are situations when it makes no sense to fight for the salvation of what has already ceased to exist.

Husband doesn't want to talk about cheating. Of course, there remains the possibility that he is simply unbearably ashamed, but it looks more like an attempt to hush up the situation without delving into it - maybe you will calm down and everything will go on as before.
Your spouse blames you for what happened. No matter what arguments he makes, it is the attempt to shift the blame from the sick head to the healthy that is crucial here. It is very likely that you really made minor mistakes in your behavior, but to resolve family troubles, such a wonderful tool as a heart-to-heart conversation has long been invented. Dive under the covers to another woman for this is not necessary.
Your soul mate does not see anything special in adultery. Happened and happened, because of what you wound up, pray tell?! Here it remains either to accept the free views of the spouse on marriage and mentally prepare for the next betrayal, or to pack your bags.
Something broke inside you, and a person who was once a native became alien and repulsive. You understand that you will no longer be able to cope with resentment, anger, disgust for your spouse, and his touches and even appearance makes you feel disgusted.
The husband admitted that he no longer feels anything for you and is not going to break his relationship with another woman. Or women, as it turns out.

Learn it firmly, firmly: saving a family is not done alone. It is possible to take active steps in this direction only if the man himself strives with all his might for reunification. If, on the other hand, it breathes coldness and indifference, all your efforts will be doomed to failure. In this case, divorce will be the most reasonable and painless way out.

You are about to make one of the most difficult decisions of your life.

When to Try to Save Your Marriage and Family

When does an unfaithful spouse deserve a second chance? It's up to you to decide, of course. Each wife has her own measure of patience and her own ideas about what is acceptable. But there are situations that may, if not justify treason, then at least serve as an extenuating circumstance.

You love your husband no matter what and are sure that his feelings for you have not cooled down.
The change was one-time and virtually accidental. I drank too much at a corporate party. Couldn't resist the temptation long business trip away from you. "Damn beguiled." None of us are perfect.
The repentance of the husband is beyond doubt, and his attempts to earn your forgiveness can touch the most stony heart.
If you have children, this is a weighty argument in favor of saving the family. Worse than the divorce of parents for the child's psyche can only be life in a house where mom and dad constantly fight and humiliate each other, so choose carefully. Believe you can install harmonious relationship with a stumbled spouse? It makes sense to try it. Anger and resentment do not allow you to respect your husband, as before? Get a divorce.
You are pregnant. Strange argument? Right. On the one hand, to become a victim of betrayal by loved one the moment you're carrying his child, it's monstrous. On the other hand, due to the games of hormones and hypersensitivity you will hardly be able to assess the situation soberly. The best thing you can do in your situation is to take a long pause in the relationship, completely focusing your thoughts on the child, and only after some time, without tears and fever, make a decision.

Are you still at a crossroads? Then put a sheet of paper in front of you, draw it in two and write on the right all the pluses that you get by insisting on a divorce, and on the left - all the minuses. On which side of the sheet is the list longer?

It doesn't hurt to take a timeout anyway. Your first reaction to a man’s betrayal will most likely be a desire to make a scandal to the deceiver, but find the strength to restrain yourself. In the heat of the moment, both of you will say a lot of things to each other that you will later regret.

Start dismantling "in hot pursuit" - not best idea

take it easy

Send the children to their grandparents, take toothbrush, change of linen for a week and rent a hotel room or ask to visit close friend. So you, firstly, will gain time for reflection, and secondly, give your husband a mini-presentation of what awaits him in the event of a divorce. Let him spend a couple of evenings in an empty apartment, where there will be neither you, nor children's voices, nor appetizing smells from the kitchen, and think carefully about what he can lose. And you spend this time on:

calm down - valerian, meditation, confidential conversations with a friend, long walks on fresh air and SPA-salons to help you;
analyze the situation;
build a future course of action.

Hiding from her husband is literally not worth it. Call him on the phone and explain that you are in a lot of pain and bad, so you should think carefully before returning home. And if you decide not to break what is cracked, but to try to restore the marriage, go to the second step.

Do not delay the pause indefinitely. For the first week, a man will suffer and rush about, then he will get used to it, and then he may even get a taste of bachelor life.

Give yourself time to cry, then pull yourself together

Talk to your husband

Quiet, calm, no hysterics. Your task will not be to expose the deceiver and explain to your spouse what a scoundrel he is, but to calmly discuss the current situation and views on further living together. At the same time, try to find out from your husband the reasons for the betrayal. What did he miss next to you? Why did he decide that with another woman he would be better off? Wind everything you hear on your mustache - perhaps in the future it will be useful to you in order not only to save your family, but also to make it even stronger.

Important! Show up for fateful meeting it should not be a wife trampled by betrayal and pain with a sobbing face and bags under her eyes, but a refreshed beauty with a fashionable hairstyle, magnificent manicure and a dress that emphasizes all the advantages of the figure. No matter how much strength it takes from you, you should shine in front of your husband. In addition, it is known that nothing puts in order the disheveled female nerves like a trip to beauty salons and good shopping.

It happens that a deceived wife begins either to sob in front of her husband, begging him to return, or takes on an impregnable air and makes it clear that she does not really need a traitor husband. Try to avoid both extremes. Carry yourself with dignity, but not arrogance. Explain that you are hurting, but do not pour reproaches. Make it clear that you want to save the family, but do not humiliate yourself with pleas and a full admission of your guilt. And if the outcome of the conversation with your husband satisfies you, do not immediately say that you forgive everything. Say, "I'll try." Let the man understand: this decision is not easy for you.

If you want to help yourself restore trust in your spouse, agree that the first time you will check it - look into mobile phone, view mail, visit pages social networks with the husband's password. But do not overdo it with control, let this measure be temporary, and clearly limited in time. Do not humiliate yourself and your spouse! If you understand that there is no more faith in the spree, it’s better to leave.

Deciding to forgive

There is nothing worse than, having forgiven someone, for the rest of your life, remember the delinquent of his deed. If you and a man have reached an understanding, put a bold cross on the past. Do not ask your spouse about the details of infidelity. Do not reproach him with your own nobility at every convenient and inconvenient occasion: “Scoundrel, I forgave you everything, but you didn’t nail the shelf in the bathroom again ?!” Do not try, as some expansive young ladies on women's forums advise, to completely beat the traitor under the heel, taking advantage of the position of the victim. Most likely, at first, your spouse will indulge you in the hope of earning forgiveness. But soon he will get tired of it, and the faithful will decide that he has atoned for his guilt before you a long time ago.

If the offense does not let go, it is better to leave - there will still be no sense in your cohabitation

Work on the bugs

Saving the family is only half the battle. Now you need to strengthen it.

Review your behavior. Maybe you are too picky about your husband? What does the faithful hear from you more often - praises or reproaches? Does it happen that you often ignore his achievements, but do not miss the opportunity to highlight the mistake? A smart lover will easily take advantage of your shortcomings by organizing your spouse a personal paradise in a single apartment, where he will be loved, praised and understood. So try to become more affectionate, more attentive, more tolerant. Believe me, a man will be much more willing to try to please a patient and loving wife than an eternally gloomy and grumbling one.
Watch yourself. The most banal advice that is found in all, without exception, articles about happy marriage. But what to do, men love with their eyes! This has to be taken into account. And it is not necessary to squeeze your figure into the cherished parameters of 90-60-90. It is enough that your body is not loose (hello, sport!), Your hair is greasy, and your home suit does not consist of a moth-eaten tattered robe.
Don't focus on the house. Purity, delicious dinner and well-groomed children are good, but we must not forget about ourselves. Meet friends, read, spend time with your hobbies. This will help you develop as a person and keep an optimistic outlook on the world.
Become more relaxed in bed. Many men are attracted to the side new woman, but the opportunity to experience vivid sensations that are not available to him with his wife. Give them to your spouse, and at the same time enjoy yourself. Role-playing games, new positions, adult store gizmos - modern couples have tons of ways to try something new.
Try to do everything to make your relationship closer. Go for walks together, go to visits and to the movies, start cute household customs for two. For example, end the evening by watching a movie together or go for a run together every Sunday morning. In addition, try to keep your conversations from revolving exclusively around everyday topics: share your thoughts and experiences on a variety of occasions and do not forget to listen to your spouse's thoughts.

Overcoming the crisis in family life is possible only together

Be patient

Get ready for the fact that resentment and bitterness will be your constant companions for some time. Such things are not quickly erased from memory, just as the lost trust is not restored overnight. Remember the wise proverb “If it grinds - there will be flour” and try to resist outbursts of anger and jealousy that will remind you of yourself more than once. Gradually, they will become less and less frequent, and then completely disappear.

What you definitely shouldn't do is:

pay the unfaithful spouse in the same coin;
trying to drown out memories with alcohol;
to draw children into their showdowns with her husband and turn them against their father -

- in the end, it is you who will suffer from all of the above actions.

Is it possible to re-educate a womanizer

Everyone has the right to make a mistake, but not everyone is able to learn from it the necessary lesson. So your husband stoically endured an unpleasant conversation, asked for forgiveness, swore an oath not to even look in the direction of other women, and after quite a bit of time he was again caught on a hot one. And again you sob on the shoulder of a friend and try to figure out how to be. Give the traitor another, now the third chance or break off relations?

It's up to you, of course. But logic tells you that the intimate conversations and efforts to strengthen the family that you made did not impress your spouse. He took your forgiveness as a sign of weakness: he let down one betrayal, and he will let down another. So it is unlikely that the next time the unfaithful husband will think for a long time before deciding on another adultery. If there was a third, or even a fourth or fifth betrayal, you can be sure: you live with a real womanizer, who cannot be re-educated by any exhortation or blackmail. It doesn't mean that your spouse has fallen out of love with you. It's just his nature, his view of the world or the attitudes learned from childhood. In a word, do not rely on the consciousness of a reveler-husband. Either accept him as he is - which is what some women do, diligently turning a blind eye to the tricks of their half - or write an application for divorce.

Some men are useless to re-educate

Useful experience: feedback from women who have survived adultery

Change is different. It seems to me that when there were no feelings for that woman, foolishly, drunk, on a business trip, you can forgive. Another thing is to see a husband in love with another, with burning eyes, etc. This is already unforgivable. But this needs to be addressed immediately and on the spot. Pretending to forgive, and then to gouge a person for years, at every opportunity, reminding about treason - this is dishonest and cruel. Repentance cannot be knocked out with fists and tantrums. It either exists or it doesn't.

Guest
http://www.woman.ru/relations/marriage/thread/4476029/

I have forgiven, forgiven and forgotten. I will say right away that the first two years were brainwashing, my beloved almost ran away. She ate herself and him. And then it dawned on me that I myself was ruining my happiness, my family. The most interesting thing, realizing that I went too far and could really lose him, I forgave him. I don't remember. Well, I stumbled, well, I'm ready to correct myself. Gives no more reasons. If you decide to forgive, then cross it out! But see that a person by deeds, and not by words, proves his devotion and awareness of a mistake.

Guest

Cheating must be dealt with TOGETHER WITH THE HUSBAND, and not alone, otherwise it will lead to 100% divorce.

BabyMu
https://www.baby.ru/community/view/126321/forum/post/133057978/

Be sure to go on vacation together, far away. There will be a full reboot, I promise!

Guest
http://www.detkityumen.ru/forum/thread/151578/?page=2

Forgive, but pay attention to yourself. To love yourself, to cherish, in general, you need to treat yourself well, and even better towards your half. And there will be love.

Olga
http://forum.ykt.ru/viewmsg.jsp?id=29630278

Video: Forget or not?

Cheating is a serious test for a couple. Someone is sure that he will never be able to treat her husband the same way, someone safely gets rid of resentment. Some spouses live further in mutual love and fidelity, for others, life turns into a series of endless trips to the left, suspicions and checks. No one will say in advance how the matter will end in your case, one way or another, you have to take a chance. But whatever decision you make, remember - it's just treason. Not the end of the world. Not a serious injury. Not the death of a beloved spouse. You always have a chance to either improve relationships, or break them and build new ones, with more worthy man. Your life goes on and it can be happy no matter what. But only on the condition that you do not give in to circumstances.

Adultery, in addition to leading to negative emotions and suffering, also changes the relationship of spouses.

When a man has changed and the situation in the family escalates and requires immediate answers to the question "what's next?" the decision, as a rule, remains with the woman. In this case, the husband only brings certainty: either promises that this will not happen again, or admits that he loves the other, or both of them, or leaves.

How to survive the betrayal of her husband, if he sincerely regrets what happened? Divorce is the first impulsive desire of a deceived wife, who finds it difficult to accept and forgive her husband's act.

However, before making a serious decision, you need to weigh everything and think about how life will change after the family is completely destroyed. Breaking is not building. Divorce is much easier than starting a family again. This is especially true for a woman who, after a divorce, is often left alone with her children. But you can't just not react.

1. Stay calm.

In the life of most men, another woman appears simply out of curiosity. Many women face similar situation, so do not assume that you are the only victim of male betrayal.

2. Drop the principle.

You should not set as your goal at all costs to punish the guilty. The main task of every woman is to save the family. However, it makes sense to analyze life together, because betrayal, as a rule, does not happen without a reason.

3. Adhere to wise tactics in behavior.

It is necessary by reasonable actions to convince the husband that the new woman is not so good, and you are not as bad as it might seem to him now.

For marriage, perhaps, there is no test more serious than the test of betrayal. Being married, we should not forget that marriage gives us not only protection, a reliable rear and confidence in tomorrow, but also the opportunity to be an experiencing, feeling and living person. How to learn wise behavior so as not to lose everything in the heat of the moment? The choice is made by everyone for himself.

Often happy couples break up due to treason on the part of one of the partners. Betrayal hurts especially strongly women - the weak, tender sex. In such cases, there are recommendations from psychologists on how to survive the betrayal of a loved one.

Analyze the situation. The first thing to do is to realize the fact of betrayal and explain to yourself its reasons. Perhaps your fault prevails in this situation, you yourself fell out of love with your partner a long time ago and were with him only because of affection, he saw no barriers to betrayal. Or your partner is solely to blame, in which case it is good that now you do not need to have anything to do with him. Whatever you decide for yourself, analyzing the problem is the first step towards solving it.
Give vent to emotions. It is strictly contraindicated to accumulate any negative in yourself. This can lead to both psychological and physical injuries, because stress has a serious impact on human health. The best solution will throw out the accumulated emotions: cry, shout, break and crush - if necessary. Getting rid of negative emotions, you make room for new, positive ones.

Important! Give yourself time. No need to try to "suffer" faster than you actually need. If you decide that enough tears have already been shed, but in reality this is not the case, then by turning on the “iron lady” in yourself, sooner or later the emotions buried inside will still come out, but with greater strength. Remember Golden Rule: time cures.

Go on with your normal life. The betrayal of a loved one is really painful, but it is just a test that needs to be overcome. Apart from personal life there are friends, family, work, hobbies. People never lose on all fronts at the same time. If you continue to live your ordinary life and further, then it will be possible to step over and cope with the test soon.
Go in search of new experiences. It is necessary to give yourself time to experience. But this process should not be delayed. To cope with the pain of betrayal, you need to get a charge of new experiences. Travel around the world, go skydiving, attend a theater premiere, join a photography class, whatever. Do what you like, more often, more. This will give you an emotional recharge.
Take care of yourself. The betrayal of a loved one, of course, hits self-esteem and pride. The woman begins to think that something is wrong with her, otherwise for some reason the man found a replacement for her. AND the main task in this case, please yourself again. Change your hair, go to the beautician, go shopping. Take care of yourself both externally and internally. Start learning Spanish, if you have long wanted to, sign up for acting classes. From heightened attention it certainly won't get any worse.
Communicate. Having experienced the pain of betrayal, a woman hardly maintains faith in sincere love and loyalty. Close people can help here. If they show their love, care and understanding towards you, you will not feel loneliness so acutely, and it will be easier to survive betrayal, sharing the pain of resentment with loved ones. So do not lock yourself in, go to contact, communicate and bounce back.
Forgive the betrayal. Hating and cursing is always easier than letting go and forgiving the offender. But in order to cope with the pain of betrayal, it is necessary. The negative that has accumulated inside a person pulls him down. And we want to recover and go only forward, right? The feeling of hatred is just a useless waste of one's own energy. But what will really impress the traitor is your indifference. Forgive the one who betrayed you and free your heart for a new feeling.
Forget the cheater and get rid of everything that reminds you of him. The necklace I gave former lover, makes your outfit more elegant? Does the bag match your shoes perfectly? Forget! Collect all the things that remind you of a traitor in one box, and get it out of your house. If you don't want to throw it away, give it to those who need it. But don't let these things irritate your eyes. If you want to deal with the pain of betrayal, then you need to stop reminding yourself of it. your thoughts in this case is your enemy.
Use only positive attitudes. Thoughts are material. If you tell yourself that you are “abandoned, betrayed, unhappy”, then this is how you will actually feel. Use the right psychological attitudes. Believe that you can easily cope with the situation, that a wonderful future awaits you and loving man near. What you believe will eventually become true. So believe in the good.
Talk to a specialist. If you can’t cope with the betrayal of a loved one on your own, contact a psychologist. There is nothing to be ashamed of. A professional knows how to work with emotionally unstable people, and will give constructive advice, assessing the situation from the outside. The main thing is to be frank. Remember that your story will not go beyond the psychologist's office.

However, not all women find the strength to choose Right way and deal with the betrayal of a loved one. Many, unfortunately, succumb to their weakness.

The most common mistakes in the behavior of women after infidelity

They plunge themselves into a negative state even more. Suffering from betrayal, women want to suffer even more. They lock themselves in their room, take sick leave at work, sad songs are played in their headphones, and there is always a melodrama channel on TV. Stop! If you want to live happily, you need to surround yourself with happiness. As we see the world, so it will become. Comedies should always be shown on TV, cheerful pop music should play in the headphones, and every weekend, free from work, let the guests at home have fun.
Ruin life by making mistakes. Not finding the strength to cope with the pain, women rush into all serious: they go into a binge or go to bed with the first person they meet. Not only does this not work, but it often leads to new problems. No alcohol, cigarettes, especially drugs and no casual relationships! Alcohol will relieve stress only for a while, but in a state of intoxication, unforeseen situations can happen to you. Cigarettes, and especially drugs, are an addiction. Random connections can lead to anything: a damaged reputation, a sexually transmitted disease, a feeling of being used, the list is long. Keep yourself in control and do not fall face down in the dirt. Whatever happens, you must stay real woman capitalized.
They become edgy. Deceived women often lose faith in all the good things in the world and ... become bitches. They wiped their feet on them, now they wipe their feet on others. However, this behavior is fundamentally wrong and will not help in any way to cope with the pain of betrayal. No one around is to blame that the person you chose turned out to be a scoundrel. It is better not to offend others, but rather, help them. When people do good to others, they themselves feel better.
Stop believing in love. If one betrayed, then everyone betrays - so often women who have been cheated on think. However, this judgment is incorrect. Don't you have friends faithful men? If only traitors have met on your life path, perhaps something is wrong with you. Anyway, don't generalize. There is good in the world, but only those who really want to see see it.

The most important thing to remember is that everything in life happens for the best. If a person betrayed and left, then this is not your person, and you will still meet your happiness, just until the time has come. It is important to find a way out of any situation and learn from experience. Then future life it will only get brighter and better.

One of the sayings of the famous French writer Francois de La Rochefoucauld says:

There are no women who have changed once - there are women who have never changed

And qualified psychologists say that men endure adultery much heavier than a woman. What to do if an inexhaustible source of jokes and anecdotes knocked on the door? How to survive the betrayal of his wife and forget about the betrayal of his beloved? A man is a hunter, he is used to being a breadwinner, and a woman who is next to him must dutifully wait for her husband and keep the hearth. If suddenly in family idyll someone else intervenes, it deals a serious blow to male pride.

In such a difficult situation, professional advice psychologist. Men in the heat of resentment can do a lot of stupid things and commit rash acts, the consequences of which will sooner or later be regretted. According to statistics, 90% of adultery comes up, but only 30% of them lead to divorce. In other cases, husbands show nobility and favor, preferring to forgive the traitor and save the family.

It can be very difficult for a person to independently deal with banal family troubles. And when it comes to betrayal and infidelity, the advice of a psychologist is priceless and irreplaceable. Men do not need to neglect the professional recommendations of specialists.

Stop blaming yourself!

Most men who find out about adultery blame themselves for what happened. This is an erroneous opinion. Even if the husband is far from ideal, lying on the couch all day, not doing household chores and paying too little attention to his wife, it's still not his fault. Cheating was a woman's conscious choice, determined by her temperament and personal preferences. Putting responsibility on your shoulders for the actions of others is wrong. As well as it is wrong to blame the unfaithful spouse for everything. You should free yourself from painful thoughts and stop driving yourself into a psychological hole in the difficult search for the guilty ones. For liberation from painful thoughts, this system has proven itself very well.

Pause

Don't rush and don't get excited. In the heat of passion, people make many mistakes. Give yourself time to calm down and put your feelings in order. Stay alone with your thoughts, think about whether you want to forgive your spouse or advice on how to survive the betrayal of your wife is inappropriate.

It is worth noting that forgiveness is necessary for oneself. Unforgiveness is a poison for the soul, and to bear it is not only humiliating (for oneself), but also extremely harmful. Naturally, forgiveness does not exclude divorce, because the situation of the situation is discord.

No matter what decision is made, the main thing is to restore emotional balance. Subsequently, it will be necessary to return more than once to important issues. But at that moment time will pass feelings will cool down, the pain will subside and you will look at the situation from a different angle. In any case, when passing the final verdict, remember the saying of the Indian politician Mahatma Gandhi: “The ability to forgive is a property of the strong. The weak never forgive."

Avoid talking to your spouse

Talk to your wife and find out the motives for her behavior. As a rule, women do not dare to commit adultery out of sporting interest. They don't just change. It's possible she was spurred into doing this. mental anguish and emotional dissatisfaction. Try to subdue your anger and ask your significant other to talk about the reasons for cheating. This is important to do even if a man has made a decision for himself not to forgive his wife. Be sure to have a frank conversation.

The couple will disperse to different apartments, but the feeling of resentment and pain from the betrayal of their beloved will remain. Therefore, the dialogue is simply necessary for normal life further. But you can’t turn the conversation into another quarrel about unwashed dishes and scattered socks. If the atmosphere heats up and the conversation takes a different direction, you should stop and postpone the conversation for certain time. Psychologists believe that in order to resolve the situation with adultery 3-4 conversations may be needed, and the period required to forget betrayal is 2-3 years. Therefore, men who want to save a family should be patient.

Change your wife, change yourself

Try to put yourself in the place of a lover. Why is he better? What does it have that you don't have? Why did she choose him? Take a step towards your wife, change your behavior, clear your mind. Psychologically, women are arranged in such a way that at first they cheat with their soul and only then with their body. Opening her heart to another man, the wife gets out of control of her husband and completely immerses her mind and consciousness in the power of her lover. A man should try to understand and feel his woman. It is necessary to give her exactly what was missing long years. It is important to open your feelings, to show your wife that she is still desired and loved. That woman who is treated kindly and adored is unlikely to want to look for new sensations on the side.

Many men, after marriage, stop paying attention to their wives: compliments, flowers, signs of attention. And in the meantime, no matter how old a woman is, they are all madly in love and appreciate it. Isn't that what they like about a new relationship with their lover?

Treat change like a disease

Only the disease is not physical, but spiritual. The lover is the virus, the husband is the cure. The more hugs and kisses will give legal spouse, the sooner the spell of the impostor will be weakened. But don't do it compulsively or with a sense of necessity. It should come from the heart - women feel very well. To do this, start looking for what you like in it. If everything is done correctly, the woman will “dissolve” in her husband and forget about her lover. Continuous bodily contact will continue with the unity of souls. And then, when the couple feels like a single whole, mutual understanding will come. But in order to awaken faded feelings and return love, you need to gain strength and be patient, learn to trust each other and start living in a new way.

Imagine your life without a wife

Imagine that when you returned home you did not find your beloved woman there. The common joys and trifles disappeared somewhere. No more family traditions and holidays. Imagine what hurts more: a blow to male pride or the loss of a loved one. Psychologists say that it is easier for many of their patients to endure resentment and pain than to part with a loved one forever. But don't persuade the woman, don't ask her to come back. Do not lure your wife with beautiful promises and in no case bribe with gifts. Do not forget that they love for nothing, but just like that. A wife should love her husband, not feel sorry for him. Act unobtrusively, without threats and coercion - this in itself attracts.

Dmitry, 28 years old, site co-author

It helped me a lot at the time. The invaluable recommendations of the author, of this system, on writing out and processing according to this system, all the emerging mental material, gave not only relief, but also the situation turned in a completely unexpected way (positively) ... In general, we build our reality with our thoughts and very often, permission at the mental level, solves the problem at the household level.

But this system is for a comprehensive cleansing of the mind, and you should start it only if you want to get rid of: negative emotions, complexes, limiting ideas and beliefs, negative attitudes and other mental debris. By the way, in the process of study, the face was transformed - there is a connection between inner world and a person's face.

Konstantin, 35 years old, programmer

It seems to me that betrayal does not hurt so much if you are mentally prepared for it. Of course, it is much easier to blindly trust your wife and not fill your head with obsessive thoughts. But life is complicated, anything can happen in it. You need to calculate the moves in advance and think through everything possible options development of events. In general, everyone has the right to make mistakes.

Igor, 47 years old, individual entrepreneur

IN modern world marriages often break up due to the infidelity of one of the spouses. The institution of the family has lost its value. I think it's wrong to end a marriage because of one ridiculous act. It was a pity for me to destroy what had been built for many years. I was not going to give my wife to some unknown lover who came from somewhere and did absolutely nothing for my woman. Men, do not cut down on the vine and do not burn bridges behind you, no matter how painful and insulting it may be. My family has been restored, and yours will surely rise from the ashes.

Andrey, 29 years old, manager

I did not know how to survive the betrayal of my wife. Life turned upside down. I could not find a place for myself, I could neither drink nor eat. But a few weeks later, my attitude towards the situation changed. I realized that what happened was my fault. After eight years of marriage, it began to seem to me that no one needed a spouse except me. I stopped giving gifts to my wife and making compliments, I preferred friendly gatherings in the bar in the evenings in the bosom of the family.

My woman found the missing emotions in the arms of another man. Oddly enough, but I am somewhat grateful to my opponent. After all, if it were not for the betrayal, my wife and I would have simply divorced and forgotten about each other. And so, our feelings got a good shake-up. All this was great lesson for both of us. We prefer not to remember betrayal anymore, we spend a lot of time together and try not to forget about such concepts as love, loyalty and understanding.

Women's view of men's problems

Despite the fact that the symbol of male horns is a woman, without female look is indispensable in this situation. The fair sex knows firsthand what actions forgotten wives expect from their husbands. Their advice on how to survive a cheating wife may be more useful than the advice of experienced psychologists:

Valeria, 28 years old, sales assistant

I cheated on my husband for several years. Almost from the first days of marriage, quarrels, reproaches, scandals began. We dispersed and converged again, ran in circles, tormented ourselves and the children. The lover was my outlet. But after some time, I realized that I love my husband and do not want to leave. After long and difficult conversations, we decided to continue living together. It took a lot of effort and effort to believe in the sincerity of our feelings and to establish a good relationship, but now understanding reigns in our family.

Natalia, 42 years old, notary

I successful woman who knows her worth. IN Lately my husband not only stopped paying attention to me, but began to assure me of insolvency and unattractiveness. To the surprise of my husband, there was someone who appreciated my beauty. Is our family happiness saved the pangs of conscience on my part and the recognition of mistakes on the part of my husband. I advise men to cherish their woman and appreciate the time spent next to her.

Christina, 34 years old, housewife

IN family relationships I did not dare to commit adultery, but I was within a hair's breadth of it. I don’t know what saved me, but it was unpleasant for my husband to find out that I was one step away from betrayal. Despite the contradictory situation, our family life started to improve. In order for wives not to have a desire to pay attention to other men, spouses should do unexpected things for women, give gifts for no reason and give compliments. One must admire the wife, and then she will idolize her husband.

If the betrayal still happened, you need to come to terms with what happened. You need to understand that time will not turn back and what happened will remain happened. All that can be done is to work on the mistakes. And how to live on: return lost love or start with clean slate, to decide each deceived husband independently.

1. Calm down first and come to desired state to start doing something. Because while you are experiencing emotions, it is impossible to talk about any correct actions!

2. When you calm down, you need to start choosing what to do. This is the main strategy. And there is a tactic that you should only start using after you calm down.

And the tactic is:

1. You need to relieve muscle tension! Because you found out about the betrayal unexpectedly. And when something unexpected (good or bad) happens to a person, the left hemisphere (responsible for analyzing actions) is overloaded. And you seem to hang, and you can’t understand anything what to do. And the right hemisphere gives you a whole range of emotions, from anger, resentment and ending with disappointment and despair. The right hemisphere at this moment is actively working, as if compensating for the stoppage of the work of the left. Therefore, when experiencing betrayal, you experience mental pain and stupor (and when you are absorbed by emotions, then you are not “here and now”, you seem to be in a trance).

The body is very tense at this moment. And you experience these feelings and emotions until your unconscious mind develops a certain relationship to what is happening and this experience of betrayal is assimilated. And at these moments you do not think what will happen next, on the contrary, you want to run away from the traitor or beat him, as if punishing. At this stage, you need to relieve muscle tension so that the remnants of emotions "come out" to the outside. At home, you need to move as long as possible, you can wave your arms, legs, beat the pillow with your fists, cry, feel sorry for yourself. If you have the opportunity, you can run outside and run a couple of blocks.

Talking with a psychologist online and by phone - for free

Why is it important: because if you hold back emotions, they will be “preserved” in the body and there will be problems with sleep, with relaxation in general, and this tension will interfere with thinking and accepting right decisions. Why is the body tense? Because there are too many emotions that you are not aware of inside yourself, and therefore do not release. But it is forbidden to do so. In this case, you need to equalize the balance of mental activity so that nothing accumulates, you need a discharge.

2. The stronger your connection with this man, the more painful it is for you to realize that you have been betrayed and you feel that too much damage has been done to you.. This is also an indicator of your dependence on a man. And this makes you helpless when cheating. We need to get rid of this addiction.

3. Change your attitude towards a man. Find the very "angle" from which you can look at this betrayal safely. This means that you need to stop associating yourself with the victim of infidelity. There are several "angles" or points of view from which you can view cheating safely:

“I” feel bad, because they cheated on me!
"My man" - I'm pleased, "I feel good."
"Outsider" - I don't care.

This technique is very simple, you need to alternately imagine yourself as these three characters and you will feel that your state and feelings will change. Then you must choose one of the roles for yourself and stick to it in communication with the person with whom you want to build a relationship. A psychologist will help you to make this technique more competently through a Skype consultation.

Female psychologist online

4. Start looking at the situation from the perspective of the three tenses:

The “past” was a long time ago, but now relations are in crisis and they need to be improved.
The “real” is happening now and I am suffering.
"Future" - I will not allow this in the future.

5. Stop suffering. Stop thinking that now you have "unhappy love!". At such moments, after 6-7 days of betrayal, you want to suffer especially. But forbid yourself. Because it is not necessary to follow this path, indulging the Russian mentality, where the attitude: “you need to suffer” is so relevant! It is important for Russian people to suffer because they see it as a bonus. But you need to stop following it.

On the undergrowth, we want to tell you that these tips will work if you use them all, and not just one.