Do you need to get married? Four Signs of a Kindred Soul. Should a girl get married if she is not sure

“Maybe we rushed?”, “Are we suitable for each other?”, “Can I really love him all my life?” - flashes through the head of the future bride. A little more - and it seems that we, like the heroine of Julia Roberts, will jump on a horse to ride away, away from the registry office, the groom and cheerful relatives. In fact, doubt is normal for any thinking person. “During the period of preparation for the wedding, we leave the comfort zone, because we are faced with a completely new situation for us, and leaving the comfort zone is always accompanied by stress,” says the psychologist. Olga Krasnova. “And the degree of its severity depends, first of all, on our ability to adapt.”

Doubts before the wedding: fear of losing freedom

Marriage a priori means that a woman's life will no longer be the same. After the stamp in the passport, you will have to forget about night parties with girlfriends, spontaneously changing plans, and most importantly, abandon all other men on Earth.

“Marriage means that the choice has been made and there will no longer be other men in our lives,” says Alisa Galats. “And if you find it difficult to accept this fact, then perhaps you are not yet quite personally ripe for starting a family.”

Olga Krasnova adds that in this case, the partner selection zone is probably not yet saturated. “We choose a man according to a list of our internal criteria, which we constantly try on those who are close to us,” the expert says. “And the one who satisfies these requirements by at least 60% becomes a husband.”

What to do? First of all, honestly answer yourself the question: “Why am I getting married?”. “And then it may turn out that you are eager to get a stamp in your passport, because “it’s time for a family” or relatives insist, or maybe this is a way to escape from obsessive parental care, says Alisa Galats. - Be extremely honest with yourself. Indeed, in the case of false motivation, marriage will not bring you anything but disappointments.

Doubts before the wedding: can I cope with the role of a wife?

After the wedding, we acquire a new, completely unfamiliar social status- the status of the wife. And in this case, we may fear that we will not be able to cope with the new role of the guardian of the hearth. "Here we are talking about the rigidity of their own stereotypes about what a wife should be, says Olga Krasnova. “For some, borscht is ideal every day, but for some, it’s acceptable to cook dumplings for dinner.” These attitudes are in most cases unconsciously formed based on the characteristics parental family. For example, if the mother always took on all the household chores, and the father did not help her, then we may fear the same domestic enslavement by the husband. Or, for example, we may be afraid of losing attractiveness in the eyes of a loved one, since our mother did not take care of herself enough.

What to do? Try to find out in advance the expectations of your partner from family life and find some kind of compromise. “In any case, there are no norms for what should be perfect husband and wife, - say Alice Galatz. “You make the rules yourself.”

Doubts before the wedding: do I really love him?

Just before the wedding, we can suddenly doubt whether we really love our partner and want to spend the rest of our lives with him. “Doubts about feelings for the groom are enough alarm bell- says Alice Galats. “Usually such experiences are characteristic of those people who have lost contact with themselves and do not know what they really want.”

What to do? In this case, it is worth understanding what attracted you to a partner, what you value in him as a person, and not just as in a beloved man. Ask yourself the question: "Why do I want to be with him?". "Many people often confuse love with specific person with fear of being left without a mate or a desire to please their parents with their choice, says Olga Krasnova. “And of course, in these cases, the marriage is unlikely to be happy.”

Doubts before the wedding: have I become quite an adult?

Some women find it sad to leave parental home and understand that she is no longer a little girl, but adult woman. “Such thoughts are usually inherent in those girls who did not have a separation from their parents,” says Alisa Galats. “It’s really hard for them to accept the fact that they have to start starting their own family.”

What to do? In such a situation, of course, it makes sense to start working on relationships with parents and slowly separate emotionally from them. “Otherwise, you risk constantly dragging mom and dad into your family squabbles,” says Alisa Galats. “And that’s devastating to your relationship with your husband.”

Deal with your doubts, marry your chosen one and be happy!

Does a girl need to get married?- It depends on what exactly she expects from life. All girls need to get married, just someone needs it earlier, and someone later.

In general, every girl has her own idea of marriage. That is, each of them has their own motives and reasons for getting married or not getting married. Which? You know them, of course, but you can re-read them.

All my friends got married.
There is a desire to give birth to a baby, but legally, and not "stray".
Eat strong feelings to a person.
A great desire to live somewhere, but her home.
The girl grew up without a father, she really lacks the attention of a man, male care.
Curiosity kicked in.
At young man there is a lot of money.
The girl wants to keep her beloved with a stamp in her passport.
The girl wants to get married.
Parents and relatives insist on marriage.

Reasons why girls don't want to get married

They don't want to cook.
They don't want to clean up.
They are afraid of losing their freedom.
They are afraid to get pregnant and get better.
Not sure if they need it.
Be afraid to get married because there was a negative experience.
They love to live for themselves.
They love free love open relationship that exist without any obligation).
They do not want to change their passport or surname.
They are very sensitive to any life changes.

Did you find out what is close to you? Now let's give a more detailed answer to this question.

Should a girl get married?

Worth it if:

The girl feels that she is ready for marriage. She understands (both morally and physically) that the time for marriage has already come.
The girl realizes that she is ready to change everything in life (lifestyle, habits, and so on).

What will have to be changed? What do you need to be prepared for?

Look:

friends and girlfriends will have to devote little time (at least less than before marriage);
you should dress differently (not as frankly as you dressed before);
will have to be at home more;
will have to go shopping more often;
will have to change their attitude towards freedom.

How to make a choice?

The girl has grown up

She knows how to do everything, takes change seriously, is not afraid of difficulties, knowing them to the core.

The girl fell in love and understands that this love is a mutual feeling.

To marry for love is not a sin, not a whim, but a great happiness.

The girl really wants to get married

He wants so much that he “squeaks”. There are girls for whom marriage is a dream and an obsession.

The girl believes that she has already achieved everything in her life that she wanted to achieve.

All plans, all dreams, all desires…. Almost everything came true! You can also remember that the girl is still unmarried.

Girls who think it's worth getting married

Violetta: And what about without marriage? I see no point in life if there is no husband. And children are needed. Legitimate!

Ilona: My husband loves me. And I'm just for living "in painting", and not just like that. Yes, it's more enjoyable. You have no idea how nice it is to feel like a wife!

Oksana: A woman needs a husband! Bored without a husband! Uninteresting and dull. Probably, I think so because I was lucky with my husband. Yes, this is my second marriage, and the first one was wrong. Who doesn't make mistakes?

Romana: A husband is a useful person. And he will screw in the light bulb, if necessary, and go to the store (to the pharmacy), if you ask .... I won’t talk about everyone, but my husband is just like that.

Girls who think it's not worth getting married (shouldn't be)

Tatyana: I got so burned that I do not advise getting married. Even for the best dear person in the world! I don’t believe them… At first they are so good, and then “cattle”.

Olga: Why a husband? The most golden person is mom. I live with her and am happy. I have no reason for you to lie and prevaricate. I am such a man!

Daria: Why sign if you can live just like that? I have been living with a man for seven years. And I like this kind of life!

Violetta: I'm so disappointed in men that I won't get married for sure. Even if threatened with death. They are all goats!

Maryana: Alenka (my friend) applied to the registry office. Then she regretted it, because she was completely disappointed in the guy. I don't want that. Therefore, I will not rush into this "institution". I can afford it.

Girls! Marry for love, not for profit. You can't play with feelings. Feelings are a fire that can seriously burn.

Do not get married if you feel that you have not "worked up" yet. Marriage is a serious step that should not be taken thoughtlessly.

Many believe that daughters repeat the fate of their mothers (mother married at twenty years old - daughter will marry the same). And daughters are waiting for that very “mother's” age. If nothing repetitive is observed, the girls are terribly worried. What for? You can not do it this way.

Do not miss. . .

For many hundreds of years and even millennia, the position and purpose of a woman has always been clearly understood in society. Her role was predetermined from birth. And it consisted in getting married, giving birth and raising children, taking care of the house and her family, and all free time spend on useful needlework. At the same time, the question: “Should I marry this or that candidate?”, However, as well as the decision on whether to marry at all was decided not by a marriageable girl, but by her parents.

Time does not stand still. It changes not only people, but also their customs and traditions. And if a couple of centuries ago, the answer to the question: "whether to get married?" was in the competence of the bride's parents, now it is her voluntary and informed choice. And often modern brides are in no hurry to make this choice. There are many reasons for this, but the main one is that the social role women. And now she herself is looking for her other half, capable of becoming real support. After all, everything else: career, financial stability, high social status, a modern bride can achieve herself. Currently, the criteria for assessing whether to get married for modern brides are:

Personal sympathy;
The attractiveness of a man in terms of appearance and sexual capabilities;
material security;
Aspects of budgeting future family;
Housing provision;
Social status and the groom's work prospects;
His view of his own occupation;
Similarity of views on planning the future;
Implementation of plans for children;
Relationship with his family;
Long-term prospects of marriage;
Personal tolerance for his personality traits or habits.

Thus, a list of factors that help answer the question “should I get married?” at modern bride big enough. At the same time, it is simply impossible to throw out at least one point from it. After all, in the end, for her decision to link her fate with one or another candidate, a woman will have to do it herself.

And, if considering these parameters from the list, you came to the conclusion that everything suits you, then it is quite possible that you should answer yes to this burning question. But what if you find some " sharp corners» in this list. Then you really need to think more carefully about whether or not to marry this person.

Is it worth getting married

Some of these contradictions are quite resolvable, especially if there is love, respect, a desire to change for the sake of the one you love, patience and tact in the relationship of future spouses. But if these feelings do not really exist, and the partner causes irritation with his problems, then, most likely, such a marriage is initially doomed to a fiasco.

And yet there are moments that most tangibly affect the decision of whether to get married:

First of all, this emotional attachment to the partner and his personal (sexual) attractiveness. Try to evaluate your true attitude to the person who proposed marriage to you. Of course, no one excludes the possibility of the emergence true love to the person you married for selfish motives. But, as practice shows, in the vast majority of cases, everything happens the other way around. IN best case you will get used to it. But it’s not at all a fact that your spouse will not begin to annoy over time. Yes, and it is unlikely that you will be able to endure for the rest of your life. Sooner or later on your way you will meet a person for whom you will experience both love and sexual attraction. But by this time it may already be too late to change anything;
Looks a little different financial questions. Here much depends on the generality of your views on this situation. So, if your attitude to money is the same, but in this moment your potential husband is experiencing some financial difficulties. And at the same time, agreeing to search for a job, he does everything in his power to get out of this situation. It is quite possible that in the question "whether to marry" you should make an affirmative decision. But if your financial ambitions greatly exceed the capabilities of a man, you do not see prospects for improving him. financial condition and you don’t consider it necessary to reduce your requests, then such a marriage does not bode well for you;
Availability of housing. Lack of housing financial difficulties and poor relationships with relatives of the spouses destroyed more than one young family. Because in this case in the relations of young people begin to interfere with people who, although they are close, bring discord into their marriage. After all, one of the conditions for the formation strong family are trust, mutual understanding and mutual support. And what can we talk about when close people, one way or another, set up spouses for negative attitude to the current situation and to each other;
Plans for the future when deciding whether to get married take on special significance when they fundamentally differ. After all, you see, it is hard to walk next to a person walking on a different road. So it is in this case. Your family plans, hopes for the future, and the heights you aspire to are unlikely to become feasible if your spouse does not support you. The fundamental difference in positions will sooner or later cause scandals in your family. So isn't it better to warn similar situation, and, not hoping to radically change the train of thought of the groom, give a negative answer to the question "whether to get married?".

We have tried to analyze only the most important aspects deciding whether to marry. But, as you know, there are no trifles in marriage. And it would be most correct to complete our article with the words of a well-known folk proverb, which the best way reflects the problem of deciding "whether to marry", especially for a person about whom there are some doubts.

“Get married not to attack, if only you don’t get lost with your husband”

Not many girls who are going to get married are puzzled by the question of whether it is worth it.

As a rule, people get married very quickly, without thinking at all about where and on what means the young family will live, how the family budget will be distributed, who should do the housework, who will go to the grocery store.

The bulk of young girls hope for their future husband, that he must support and provide for his family, earn a lot and be an excellent family man.

Unfortunately, the reality of marriage is completely opposite. And instead of finding a reliable life partner, the young girl finds herself abandoned, often with a small child in her arms, and not only without a financial airbag, but also without any means of subsistence. It's too late to think about the upcoming marriage.

Today we’ll talk about whether to get married, if there are doubts, and how to sort out your concerns.

Relationships before marriage

The candy-bouquet period is characterized by the most striking interactions between two young people in love. Perhaps this is the most striking period of relations in the history of married couples. It is at this stage that the main acquaintance with the future spouse takes place, acquaintance with his family, family habits. The character of a young man is known, his interests, activities, relations with other people, including relations with his family.

The main thing at this stage of the relationship is not to miss the possible “bells” warning you against further relationships with him, tying family ties.

Look critically at your future chosen one. I understand that now, during the period of falling in love, he seems to you just an ideal young man, absolutely in line with your dreams. And it seems as if such a relationship will last forever.

Unfortunately, it is not. Look at your parents or married couple who lives next door, has been married for more than one year. Do they look in love at each other, as you do with your boyfriend? Or maybe their life is a complete fairy tale, in which there are no domestic conflicts. Or did your mom never once reproach your dad about the scattered things or the unwashed dishes? Or an unrepaired faucet? Or a carnation not hammered into the wall? I don't think you can answer yes to these questions.

And believe me, no matter how you dream, sooner or later, your family relationships after romantic relationship, will move into the usual family plane. And you will have to solve the most prosaic everyday issues.

Therefore, look critically at your future chosen one. And for his family.

I understand that this sounds cynical, as if we do not choose a husband, but washing machine want to buy in the store. However, if you would like to have strong family, it needs to be done.

What you need to pay attention to before marriage

1. What kind of family does your future chosen one have?

As a rule, the behavior of a young person in marriage will be practically the same as in his family, the family in which he grew up.

Who dominates in the family, it can be dad or mom. If the family is dominated by dad, then it is unlikely that you will be able to command your future husband. If the mother of your young man never worked, took care of the children and the household, it is likely that the “fate” of a housewife awaits you too.

You also need to remember that if the mother was overprotective and is now taking care of her son, up to “stuffing the best piece into the beak”, most likely, the future husband will expect the same care from you.

A similar situation may be the case if the family of your chosen one is dominated by the mother. And just suppresses with its influence and own husband, and his son, making all the key decisions for them. With such a young man, difficulties may arise in the future, and you yourself will have to become the head of the family, and accordingly, take responsibility for the family.

Yes, if the father of your future husband periodically "raises his hand" to his wife, and the principles of his upbringing are based on physical punishment, rest assured, sooner or later your future spouse will do the same. However, there are exceptions to these "rules". For example, when a child who has "learned life" enough from his father, will be engaged in raising his children without assault.

2. How often does your future partner use alcohol or drugs?

I don't think you dream of an alcoholic husband. And believe me, in young age the main addictions are manifested both to alcohol and to cigarettes and to others not very much useful tools"leisure".

Any trouble in the family will pull your chosen one into the bottle.

Are you sure you want to spend your whole life on his treatment for alcoholism or drug addiction? And what benefits can such a father bring to future children. What can he give them? You decide.

3. What kind of relationship does your future chosen one have with other girls

If already at the candy stage - bouquet period your young man is constantly cheating on you, why did you decide that he would work up and be devoted only to you?

To be honest, I have never seen young people settled down after marriage. Although there are probably exceptions. If you are ready to suspect your husband of possible infidelity all your life, marry him.

4. Why did you decide that he was going to get married?

Is it really? Or perhaps you are wishful thinking? Let's not discuss now marriage swindlers, we'll talk about them another time, but think, is he really ready to marry you, or did he just say this to make you fall behind?!

I'm sorry if I'm wrong, and you've been given the most romantic proposal you could ever dream of.

5. How often do you swear

As the saying goes, "darlings scold, they only amuse themselves." But try to analyze how often you swear, and for what reason your conflicts start.

On trifles, of course, many couples swear. But if you are already now, for example, arguing over who will pay for dinner in a cafe, or because of your communication with friends, then in family life this will lead to a serious conflict.

6. You can't marry a man who hit you before marriage.

And it does not matter that after that he cries - he apologizes. These are the tears of a crocodile. If your chosen one hit now, he will do it later. Neither pregnancy nor small children will interfere with him. Run away from him as fast as you can.

7. Attitude towards money

How does he feel about money and his future? labor activity your chosen one. What does he do to provide for his family? What prospects does he see for himself and his future family. How does he relate to the family budget and the prospects for its distribution after the wedding. Money matters, like many others, are best discussed before the wedding. Although, to be honest, young lovers are still the least concerned about money issues.

So, what's your choice?

If your chosen one went through the prism of these questions, and answering these questions, you made sure of your choice, answer one more question: “Are you ready to get married yourself?”.

Are you ready to live with this person until old age, give birth and raise children, do housework, love your husband, even when he comes home from work tipsy?

Ready? Great! Then don't hesitate and marry him.

At the same time, if your doubts do not dissipate, talk to your young man, talk about what confuses you. You need to speak frankly, without any secrets and omissions. After all, you are adults and already know a lot about each other.

After such frank conversation, you will either get married or break up, which is also not so bad.

A wedding is a very serious and responsible moment for every girl, which predetermines her future life. On the eve of the celebration, fear appears, a lot of doubts, and a whole bunch of questions are spinning in my head: “Is it worth it?”, “Maybe he is not the one?”, “Am I making a mistake?”. How do you know if it's worth changing your life?

I want to get married

Sooner or later there is a desire to connect with certain person their destiny, start a family, children. There are a number of reasons why a girl really wants to get married.

Naturally, first of all, it is worth highlighting as an incentive to get married a great and unearthly feeling - love. The desire to be close to your soulmate every day, to fall asleep and wake up next to you, gives rise to thoughts of marriage.

The complete opposite of the previous situation is marriage of convenience. I want to marry an oligarch, a politician, and even a military man, if only there was a complete material well-being. Not the best motivation, but such cases are far from uncommon.

The goals of unmarried ladies about thirty years old are completely clear. Firstly, all the girlfriends and acquaintances have already created a family for a long time, gave birth to a child and, at first glance, live happily only for this reason. Secondly, I was tortured by the pressure of parents and close relatives, when every conversation for family table dedicated to the theme of loneliness daughter, granddaughter and so on. Also, I want to get, in the end, the status of a wife, mother, that is, to be realized as a woman, as a keeper of the hearth.

It is also important to remember the banal female curiosity. I wonder what it's like to be married. Some, in order to satisfy their curiosity, go even further and marry a person of a different nationality, for example, a Dagestani.

Anything but marriage

There is a considerable percentage of girls who drive away thoughts of marriage and weddings. Each of them explains their fear of marriage in their own way.

Family chores. It is very convenient to live and not think about cooking, washing, cleaning and other household chores, because the girl lives either with her mother or alone, but you don’t have to try too hard for yourself.

At a young age, especially at 18, some serious relationship are not of interest at all. I want freedom, liberties in relationships, to live for myself. They do not need headaches about the state of their husband, his mood, desires, raising children in vain.

There is a special contingent of girls who do not want to get married for fear of getting pregnant. Moreover, it is no longer motherhood that worries, but the likelihood of getting fat and never returning to the previous figure.

To marry or not to marry?

Only the girl herself will answer this question, but push to right decision can advice experienced psychologists and sociologists. When should you not get married?

Complete lack of feeling. The spark went out, no emotions, no affection, only emptiness in the heart. Why then torture the young man and yourself, knowing that a full-fledged family still won't work?
Incomplete maturity. This is not about physical condition, but about the experience gained, self-sufficiency, a well-formed view of the world and on private issues of life and relationships. Especially often, the discrepancy between adult desires and the maturity of thought is visible at the age of 20, when at first glance the girl has grown up, and the wind is still walking in her head, unrealizable plans, she has little life experience, but a lot of ideas and goals.
Short term relationship. Why is it not worth legalizing relationships in the third month after meeting? Regardless of age, marriage is not desirable when there is no complete picture about your future wife. Otherwise, in the process of living together, unexpected surprises which will ruin the relationship.
distrust of a partner. Constant bouts of jealousy, both on the part of a woman and on the part of a man, will become main reason scandals, tantrums and possibly divorce. If you think that marriage changes people dramatically, then this is a deep delusion. This is just a stamp in the passport and a formality that does not turn the character in the other direction.

Especially without hesitation, you can get married only in a few cases:

Age after 40. And then, you don’t need to marry anyone or the first person you meet. Here we are talking about a situation where people love each other, they have behind them a store of knowledge, accumulated wisdom, they have achieved what they wanted in life. Living together will become easy new page in their previously written book.
Strong feelings. If you doubt, but you love very much and are confident in your companion, you can safely go down the aisle. And the questions that torment before the triumph are just fear of something new and still unknown.

Finally

Married life requires permanent job over himself, over relations with a man. This is a great work, and if a woman has doubts, based not only on horror and feelings, but on important facts and moments, then perhaps she is simply not yet ready for something more serious and responsible.