How to get a person out of your head is a magic pill. How to get it out of my head

unrequited love does not bode well. You worry, behave stupidly when he is around, but most importantly, while you are thinking about him, there can be no question of any new relationship. You are too passionate about someone with whom you have nothing else in common. How to get it out of my head? You have many comrades in misfortune who have successfully used the most different methods to forever forget the object of his worship. Some of them will be useful to you too.

Don't eat yesterday's food

Would you eat a salad prepared a few days ago or drink milk that passed its expiration date a month ago? Of course not, unless you have masochistic tendencies. This image is the best fit for your current situation. In your head, you constantly “chew” overdue feelings and emotions, think, what would it be like if it weren’t for ... Forget it. There is no going back, you can never change what happened. Do not blame yourself and do not entertain illusions. Throw thoughts about the past into the dustbin of history and finally begin to live real healthy emotions.

Save your thoughts for later

At first, it will be very difficult for you to give up imaginary hope. If you feel some pleasure thinking about this man, leave yourself the right to do so at certain hours. As soon as his image pops up in your head, with an effort, tell yourself that you will think about it in the evening, and now you need to do more pressing issues. Constantly delaying the moment will lead to the fact that at the appointed hour you will not even remember about it, and in itself it will seem stupid.

Find a new affection

You are too dependent on this person, even if he does not know about it. If you enjoy suffering so much, direct that emotion in a more constructive way. For example, become a volunteer in a charitable organization, but the easiest way is to take care of your neighbor. Visit the parents you forgot about Lately, help a friend, take home a stray dog or cat. Such noble deeds and communication with people who have much more serious problems, will not allow you to plunge into painful thoughts, and maybe they will give you new guidelines in life.

Look for the positives in your current position

If you have recently experienced a breakup, rejoice that from now on you are absolutely free, you can think about any men, go on dates. Finally, now you don’t have to consult with anyone where and when to spend your vacation, what you will eat for dinner, and how to dress for a meeting with his parents.

If your love remains unanswered, and you understand that this man will never be with you, thank the universe for saving you from a cruel disappointment. Imagine that he reciprocated your feelings, and then it turned out that he was the last scoundrel. Who knows if your heart could stand the betrayal of a loved one? So stop feeling sorry for yourself and breathe full chest.

In particular, this means that there is no point or need to “sort things out” with this person himself. What you are trying to get out of your head has nothing to do with the person himself. NO relationship.

I want to re-emphasize this. This person himself, who consists of flesh and is now at a distance from you, is completely unrelated to the person who is now sitting in your head and consists of your own mental material. Addressing the person himself with some of his feelings or somehow interacting with him is the same as trying to cope with his smoking by talking with a cigarette :).

In addition, there is no point in sharing your problems with someone. If you have a headache, what will you do - complain about headache Or take a pill? It's the same here - focus on working with yourself and don't look for none external solutions.

The second result of realizing the nature of a person's image is to increase your intention to get rid of it. As soon as you understand that this image is a part of yourself, the understanding automatically comes that you need immediately do something. After all, now you see that any of your negative towards this person is a negative towards to myself. Any kind of dreams about this person are dreams about myself. Any kind of desire to do something with this person - whether it's to forgive him or, on the contrary, punch him in the face - is a desire to do something With myself.

When this, frankly speaking, terrible realization comes, you can no longer continue to live like this - you simply have no alternative but to send this image to hell, that is, to discharge that part of your mind that is responsible for the illusion of this image. Sometimes the strength of this intention alone is enough for a person to fly out of his head like a bullet. And even if this has not happened yet, the next steps will help you, but only if you know what you are doing, getting rid of the image of a person.

How to understand all this? To be honest, this understanding came to me personally as a result of a long and meticulous work to clear my own brains. It is not an easy thing to take and immediately realize such a thing, because you are not used to perceiving other people that way. Most likely, you are used to thinking that people somehow “influence” you or do something to you, and not that your mind generates some images that are already starting to affect you, while people have no effect on you. You can read these lines and understand them “with your mind”, but until this understanding hits you, you will not be able to live it. Therefore, if you do not feel it for yourself, for now, I recommend just believing. Then, if you start working with the contents of your mind, you will also inevitably come to this understanding, as well as to many others, much more radical ... :)

Even if all you can do right now is just believe that the person stuck in your head is 100% part of your mind, that's already a huge step forward. Since your suffering is completely caused by yourself, it means that you are able to cope with it. Think for yourself - because if it was “not your fault”, you would be powerless to do anything. But it’s good, since it’s your fault, you are able to defuse this image, that is, to work on its elaboration.

Step 2. Work out the image of a person

After you have realized that any images of people are just the content of your mind, you should “neutralize” these images. The work will be to remove the emotional charge from these images. To do this, start by writing down any kind of charged thoughts about this person. Both paper with a pen and a text editor will do.

What kind of thoughts in question? The most different. Any thoughts that are on this moment you have about this person. Naturally, factual information, such as a description of the height and weight of this person, can be omitted, but your emotions are what you need :). If you have never done this kind of work before, here is a list of theses that you can rely on:

Describe your emotional condition . Any wording will do, even incoherent or obscene :). Examples: “ I feel bad because she doesn’t answer…”, “I can’t get rid of my anger at…”, “I can’t get it out of my head…”. Imagine that your paper or monitor screen is your personal confidential psychologist to whom you can tell everything in the world. And let your emotions just pour out of you. In especially severe cases, tears are possible - this is normal, and even good. Don't forget to include tears in your description of the emotional state as well.
Any explanation for your condition. Ask yourself " Why am I experiencing all this?” Any excuses in your address will fly here. You can think of other situations in which a person got stuck in your head. You can explain your condition with your character traits. If you were offended, write why you think the behavior in your address is wrong. If you can't stop suffering from a breakup, write why you may never find someone better again. If you feel like complaining, complain! You can complain about your own upbringing, about women, about men, about people in general, about relatives, parents, about the government, about God. There are no borders. Everything that shines in the mind is subject to writing out.
Any beliefs about this person. Describe this image in as much detail as possible. If you fall in love with someone, write down all the beauty that you see in this person. If someone offended you, write what an asshole he is, a beast, and in general how he could behave like that. If you broke up with someone, write what was in this person that touched you so much.
Any decisions you have made or may make. Write about what you are going to do with this person. Write all your desires or vice versa - what you do not want to happen. If you are going to go punch him in the face - just write. Were going to write or call someone - also describe what you are going to do and why.
All that's left in your head.

Your narrative does not have to be coherent and point-by-point. On the contrary, a certain amount of hysteria is even useful. If one thought gave birth to two, and those thoughts gave rise to four as a cascade effect, and so on, write out everything without exception. Let it carry you to the fullest - the paper will withstand everything :). If at some point you remembered something or realized something, be sure to add to what was written.

Depending on your knowledge of yourself, your experience with similar work, and the strength of the image of this person in your head, you can get from 2 to 10 or even more pages of text. good sign the fact that the work is finished is the feeling that you are starting to repeat yourself, and that there is nothing new to add. If you only have 2-3 pages of text, you should not squeeze out more material. If you then decide to engage in such work systematically, the required level of awareness and self-knowledge will come to you by itself.

OK, the material is written out, now what to do with it? My personal recommendation is to work it out, for example, with Turbo-Gopher. If you are not yet ready to dive headlong into the total disposal of your head from garbage, you can simply take the received material, print it out on a printer if you typed it on a computer, and symbolically burn it. The simple fact of physically destroying this mental debris will remove a significant portion of the charge from it.

Once this material is dealt with, you can move on to Step 3, which will allow you to clear your head even more.

Step 3. Immerse yourself in the moment “here and now”

Have you ever noticed that every time you have some kind of problem, fear or resentment, your attention drifts from the present moment to the past or future? Watch yourself. Take some fear of speaking in public - you can't have it if your attention is in the present moment. Fear can only come over you if you fool yourself with expectations about your performance. Or take the pain of resentment that haunts you from a recent quarrel with your husband. You cannot experience this pain if you do not replay the episode of the quarrel with him again and again.

What does this mean for the person stuck in your head? Regardless of whether you used some technique to work it out or simply destroyed the material associated with it, it will take some time to get the person out of your head. To help you let go of his image, once you've completed step 2, dive into the here and now.

The present moment is able to dissolve any problems that you are currently preoccupied with. You can imagine your problems, fears or resentments as a big black enchanted scary room. If the light is off, you will see all sorts of horrors in this room, and you will not know how to get rid of them, except to close your eyes and cover your ears. But as soon as you turn on the light for at least a couple of seconds, the darkness instantly dissipates and you see that there was nothing to be afraid of. So here currently- this is the light that illuminates this room. That's why universal advice- do not get stuck in the past, do not fool your head with projections for the future, but strive to live in the present moment.

Novels are different - long and fleeting, long-awaited and random, light and burdensome. Unfortunately, not all novels end with a wedding and a long life. Most of them end very unsuccessfully, causing pain and suffering to one of the partners. As a rule, this partner is a girl, because a rare lady remembers the relationship with the phrase "it was just sex" or "met and broke up."

Having experienced disappointment in love, the girls remember the object of adoration for a long time, attributing to it a lot of virtues and dreaming of reunion. Even more torment is brought by thoughts of his real pastime, when a woman begins to be jealous of the hypothetical new girlfriends of her former lover. Such masochism does not lead to good, as it is followed by a complete loss of self-respect and apathy towards the outside world.

How to throw a person out of your head and heart? Proven advice from psychologists will help to part with obsessive thoughts about love failure.

Out of sight, out of mind

How to get a loved one out of your head if every day his photos remind you of him, his forgotten mug or a music CD given to him for Christmas? Such a task is only possible for strong-willed individuals who are able to squeeze their hearts in an icy fist and look through their fingers at such “psychological anchors”.

It's time to start cleaning! You need to throw out:

The remaining things from him are slippers, a T-shirt and other forgotten wardrobe items.
Gifts given to them (you can temporarily hide them in the pantry or give them to a friend).
General photos and videos, including those on electronic media. No pictures of him on your phone!
Discs of music or movies that evoke moments spent together.

Such simple steps First of all, they help to get rid of annoying memories. Let's move on to the next steps.

Down with resentment against a still loved one!

After painful breakup It is human nature to feel offended. Perhaps his hopes and expectations were not justified. Perhaps he was angered by the fact that he never achieved reciprocity. Cheating, no doubt, is a reason for anger and resentment. But is it worth accumulating negative emotions?

Psychologists advise as soon as possible to stop wasting your energy on such manifestations of feelings. "Relishing" heartache, a woman remains in this situation for a long time, preventing her release from thoughts about a person.

Stop crying!

Think about the reason for your anger or resentment. Once the sources negative emotions will be identified, throwing them out of your head will become easier.
Turn the situation around reverse side! Perhaps you should not be angry with a person, but thank him? Mentally say "thank you" to the man for the pleasant moments spent together. And if the relationship was painful, then their end is rather a reason for joy. Then thank your ex-lover for freedom, peace and independence.

No contact with someone you can't get out of your head

Many girls are consciously looking for a meeting with a former lover, preferring for their pastime those places where he is guaranteed to appear. But if you are determined to throw a person out of your life, such places should be avoided.

No need to run to his favorite cafe or walk under the windows of his house with his girlfriends. If you are invited to the same party, it is better to stay at home. This does not mean that the ex-boyfriend "won" and you can no longer go anywhere. You just have to temporarily not meet with him until the emotions subside.

This rule applies to social networks. How to get thoughts about a person out of your head if you regularly look at his Vkontakte page and follow his activity? Did he make friends with some girl? Has the status changed? marital status? Whose pictures is he commenting on? Stop!

Time to slow down!

Use social media only to connect with positive people.
Set yourself a time frame for staying online - no more than 10-15 minutes. This time is barely enough for the tapes of friends, so the matter will not come to the beloved.
Refrain from Facebook and Vkontakte at all. If self-control is not enough and you admire his pictures every day, then you should stop torturing yourself and temporarily give up social life online. Time to get out into the real world!

Favorite hobby

Doing what you love is a great help to get rid of thoughts about a failed romance. Any hobby that makes you happy will do. Let it be sports training, needlework or drawing - the main thing is that you are interested. If there is no time left for pleasant activities, it will not be superfluous to redraw your schedule during the crucial period of healing from love.

How to get a person out of your head when a hobby simply does not exist? The novel took so much time that you were completely lost in it, forgetting your friends and your favorite things. So, it's time to open up to new experiences. Try everything that is available, even if it seems crazy - ethnic dances, skydiving or lute lessons.

Believe me, there will be no time for the blues, and thoughts about former lover will gradually disappear. In addition, your horizons will expand significantly, and you will become even more interesting person for those around you.

We return to life

Look at the failed romance from the other side. It was just a "drunken hobby", and after it you will have to endure a natural hangover. Let them get rid of it gradually, but over time, the clarity of consciousness and a fresh look at the world around will still return!

An exciting relationship in which a woman completely dissolves, gradually outlives her as a person. She only thinks about making her loved one feel good, forgetting about her own interests and desires. It's time to put everything back.

Remember:

Your favorite foods and drinks.
Lovely habits that had to be suppressed because they annoyed Him.
Your favorite songs and movies.

Those little things that were an integral part of your calm and happy life before the ex-boyfriend appears in it, will allow you to return to the feeling of yourself in order to feel like a person again.

Let your friends know that you do not know how to get thoughts about a person out of your head. They will definitely help you solve the problem! A reclusive lifestyle is strictly contraindicated, and only old faithful friends will pull you out of their shell for at least an hour a day. In addition, walks fresh air beneficial to health even to those who do not suffer from unhappy love.

Open your heart and prepare for a new love

So, all healing stages come to an end, and it's time to announce the "vacancy" in your heart.

After all, after you returned to thoughts about yourself, your beloved, began to breathe deeply again and do interesting things, you can say with confidence that that person will be deleted from life.

Only now, when the suffering of the ex-boyfriend has come to an end and the thoughts of spying on him and his life are in the past, can one sincerely think about new love. Otherwise, the heart will not open tender feelings to another person.

If you are really ready to move forward towards your future, then it's time to celebrate the victory over the mind and feelings and in full combat readiness to wait for your soulmate.

Without suffering, it is impossible to feel the taste of life, learn to appreciate it and enjoy every little thing. Tests build character, give impetus creative development, form sensitivity to understanding the experiences of other people, but every time, faced with the loss of a relationship, everyone wonders, Psychology comes to the rescue, giving advice on how to accept the current situation.

love is coming

Even the most tender and sincere relationship can end because human feelings inconsistent and not always amenable to a reasonable explanation. When people are in love or blinded by passion, they are not critical of the everyday problems, the difference in upbringing, perception of life, the shortcomings of your partner. It is impossible to build something lasting and durable on feelings alone, which means that one must be prepared for the fact that they will end sooner or later. Various studies"give away" passion from three to eight years. It should be replaced by mutual respect, cooperation, intimacy.

But no one is immune from the fact that one of the partners will not flare up new feelings for another person, or he will not begin to feel discomfort in the existing relationship. It is easier for the one who first fell out of love or the first to decide to leave. And a loved one to someone who was not ready for such a development of events, whose feelings are still alive, because it is impossible to stop loving at the same time at a wave magic wand. The first and most important step to be taken is to recognize the right of everyone to own choice and independent decision making. It is impossible to keep a person close to you by appealing to his promises, past confessions and a sense of duty.

And the common expression "fight for love" has nothing to do with putting pressure on a partner. It is rather a call for the manifestation of one's own feelings, so that a person has an understanding that he is loved. But it will be up to him to decide how important it is for him.

Unpromising relationship

At the very beginning of the relationship, there is always the opportunity to interrupt them if one of the partners does not see the prospects for their development. Vulnerable people, with low self-esteem and fear of loneliness, often get involved in such novels. Instead of developing, work on appearance, intellect, professional career - a person rushes towards an adventurous development of events. There will be no question of how to get a person out of your head if you stop in time. Unpromising relationships can be a conscious choice of both: resort or love affair at work, purely sexual connection, mutual use of each other (teacher-student, leader-subordinate).

This does not insure against the fact that one of the partners will not fall into psychological dependence and will not suffer after the breakup. There are examples when such relationships develop into real feelings, but this is always a risk that a person takes quite consciously. However, there are times when this happens unconsciously, if one of the parties stubbornly ignores the signs unpromising relationship to stop at:

Obvious shortcomings or habits that the partner is not ready to put up with in the hope of changing the situation and “re-educating”.
inequality in social status, age, level of development.
A person will most likely have to face the problem of how to forget loved one if parents or others significant people oppose a relationship with him.
Unequal contribution to the development of relationships (emotional, financial, personal).
Lack of mutual interests (other than sex).

Stages of suffering

When parting, a person should be prepared for the fact that it is impossible to leave the relationship with a joyful smile. He has to go through everything that is akin to the departure of a loved one from life, because now he really has to live without the previous format of communication. What are these stages?

A state of shock and numbness. Especially when the decision to break up takes you by surprise. It may take several days.
Denial of reality. Instead of solving the problem of how to get the person out of their head, the partner often tries to sort out the relationship, refusing to believe in what is happening. The stage can last a month or more.
Accepting the current situation and experiencing the real pain of loss. It may take about six months.
Relief of suffering, their relegation to the background in the name of other tasks and realities of life.

Basic myths

One of the main human misconceptions is the assertion that time heals. How not to jump over milestones mourning, it is impossible not to be sad in the depths of the soul about the loss of a once loved one. This is another reason not to do dubious experiments on yourself when you get involved in a relationship without a future. But time teaches everyone to overcome pain and store it in the deep stores of the soul, allowing a person to live and fulfill his needs. Even with the death of close relatives sharp pain dulls and fades into the background after a period of six months to a year.

The second misconception is that a wedge can only be knocked out with a wedge, which means that it is necessary to rush into a new relationship as soon as possible. First, it's not fair to a partner who acts like a pill and doesn't deserve to be used just because someone else is in pain. And secondly, it is dishonest in relation to oneself: without going through all the stages of mourning, without making the necessary conclusions about the reasons for parting, a person will constantly step on the same rake, again solving the problem of how to get a person out of his head.

Treacherous "if only..."

Relief will come only when the partner manages to accept the current situation and come to terms with the decision of the other side. What hinders this the most? Paradoxical as it may seem, hope, belief that something else can be changed, corrected the situation, replayed events, words, deeds. If the partner has a gentle character, he gives a second chance, then a third, but as a result, both waste time, nerves and destroy their own personality. Often, with this decision, the second side allows the first to “fall in love” and cope with parting to the detriment of self-interest and feelings. The first became easier, and the second appears aggression and hatred for the one who simply took advantage of him. After all, it is always easier to leave yourself than to be in the role of an abandoned one.

How to get a loved one out of your head so as not to sow destruction and hatred around you? Respect the decision of the partner and do not try to look for the culprit in the breakup. Feelings go away not because someone is better, but someone is worse. This is because the two are uncomfortable in the relationship. You should not reflect on the topic "if only ..." and rush into the past. You should focus on what needs to be changed in the future.

Who is guilty?

The destruction of a relationship is always the responsibility of two. People were unable or unwilling to overcome difficulties and misunderstanding. Resentment is a childish reaction to unfulfilled expectations, but a partner cannot be held responsible for not fully meeting other people's expectations. When love passes and subsides pink glasses, everyone is free to decide whether he is on the way with this person or not. The inability to accept him as he is is not love, but human selfishness and personal ambition. A partner always has a choice: stay or leave. To stay means to accept a person with all his shortcomings.

During romantic relationship everyone tries to look better than he really is, so you need to be more attentive to those moments how a person behaves with other people. If he leaves a previous relationship, behaving in an unworthy way, you can predict what will happen when his feelings for a new passion cool down. To overcome grievances, one should not stir up the past, the main motto should be the slogan "Do not remember." The first step towards this is the refusal to find the culprit in the destruction of the relationship.

Favorite activities

Memories overwhelm us when there are pauses in our activities. The best thing is to switch to work, hobbies or getting additional education. The main condition is that the business is loved and requires dedication. The day must be planned so that there is no time left for idle pastime. If a vacation is coming that cannot be rescheduled, it is best to go on a trip. New impressions excite the brain and cause positive emotions, which are so necessary when you have to find for yourself the answer to the question of how to get a person out of your head.

Music helps a lot therapeutic effect. Be sure to plan concerts of your favorite bands, make clips for them best songs, discuss on the forum the new album released. All this is possible subject to the main condition - getting rid of hope for phone call, a change in the decision or mood of a loved one. It can happen, but let it be a surprise when life shows how partners can do without each other. And then the decision will be made by the one who was left. In the meantime, you should delete the correspondence and stop looking for answers to today's questions in past words.

Friends

At the first stage, it can be difficult for a person to simply get out of bed and leave the house. I want to be alone and cry. This is fine. How else can you forget the person you love? Psychology describes cases when the process is delayed, and people lose control of the situation. At these moments, you need the help of friends who should be contacted. They are not only able to listen and support a friend, but also help organize leisure time without leaving unnecessary free time. True friends will not make a decision for a person, giving this or that advice, but will focus on which suffers in the first place.

There is an opinion that you should get rid of all things that remind you of the once loving person. Sometimes it is quite painful to do this, so you can just put everything in one box or box, put it away. Time heals to the extent that later certain period the acute phase of pain passes, and a person is able to make a decision not on emotions whether to wear a bracelet that was once presented or not. In many ways, this will depend on whether the partner has found the strength in himself not only to accept the situation, but also to forgive the other person.

Forgiveness

In a few months anyone will be able to ask themselves main question: what upsets him the most in parting. Love is not always the cause of experiences. It can be resentment, disappointment, fear of loneliness or a desire to achieve what you want at any cost - to return a partner, for example. At this time, it is already possible to abandon the “Do not remember” rule, because turning to the past will not bring painful experiences. An honest conversation with yourself is very important in order to be ready to build new relationships, to make correct conclusions from past mistakes. The last step should be to forgive the once loved person, for this you need to try to put yourself in his place.

In psychology, there is a method called the Hellinger permutation method, which helps in building relationships between spouses. One of the principles is an attempt to analyze the actions and feelings of a partner. The method leads to amazing discovery: even a partner who has fallen out of love, skillfully hiding his true feelings behind a mask of indifference or indifference, feels discomfort and dissatisfaction with himself in his soul. It was also painful and difficult for him to decide to part, so the other person has no choice but to forgive and forget the person with whom he simply turned out to be on the wrong path in this life. Moreover, forgiveness is needed not so much for a partner as for oneself in order to doom the necessary harmony and peace.

Only after going all this way, a person is ready for the happiness that awaits him around the corner.

Some time has passed since you broke up, but you still continue to believe that you will make peace with him. You want to get rid of the memories, but the more you try, the harder it is to forget about it. Why is it so hard to forget the one you broke up with? Indeed, is it possible to get out of the head of the one you loved? And how do you now stop thinking about your former friend?

Why is it so hard to forget?

One of the most common negative factors is the optimism that partners put into their relationship, and this becomes a problem after a breakup. However, when you are in a relationship, you must understand that you are dating an imperfect person, and a breakup is possible. Partners who are overconfident in their relationship have the hardest time enduring a breakup.

On the other hand, every relationship has positive side, causing them to last for some time. So when a relationship comes to an end, all the good things you have experienced together are played over and over again in your mind. This forces your subconscious mind to accept the fact that you will never find another person like him again. In fact, the crux of the matter is that the love you have experienced cannot just die overnight.

Is it really possible to get it out of your head?

First your mind will convince you that it is impossible to move on. You must return it back! But people who have been married for decades have also gone through the pain of a breakup, and they eventually moved on! It is true that you should not expect your mind to humble itself so quickly. It may take time and we are all unique. Some will adjust quickly, while others will adapt gradually. Many people have done it, you can do it too.

How can I let go of my past and move on?

By hating him more and more, you actually allow him to live in your head for as long as you like, and it becomes very difficult to move on in such conditions. Make the decision to move on after the breakup. Stop living in the past. Cut off all your ties with this person for a while and keep your distance while you get used to living without him. If you are in close contact with him, it should only be on a professional level.

When you begin to desire this person, try to do other things. Go for a walk, read a book, or just do something that keeps your mind busy. useful things. Never be disappointed in yourself. You won't be able to move on until you've made several attempts to live your life without it. Keep challenging yourself with your own actions, and add more to your list of favorite pastimes. In the end, you will get it out of your head and live your life happily.