Crisis periods of childhood. first three years of life. Age crises in children

Svetlana Merchenko

City Novosibirsk

Practicing psychologist, specialist in the field parent-child relationship, psychologist of the organization of adoptive parents "Stork Day", business coach, mother of many children

Probably everyone has heard about child development crises. modern parents. Every now and then someone sighs: “We have a crisis of three years” or “We have adolescence.” What does this mean? Age crises These are periods in human development during which dramatic mental changes occur. Just yesterday, your schoolboy was quite sweet and accommodating, and today he suddenly began to argue, contradict, get upset over trifles, react exaggeratedly to any comments addressed to him, and you understand - here it is, it has begun! Hello adolescence! However, some time passes - a year, two, three, and you notice that the child has returned "to his own shores." But at the same time he became different, more independent, responsible, independent. The crisis has passed, but its results remain. Age crises occur throughout the process of growing up: as in children preschool age, and in adolescents, so it is especially important to know them distinctive features and meaning.

"Storm" periods

Sigmund Freud, Lev Vygotsky, and other well-known scientists wrote about development crises. Their works have much in common (for example, age stages crises) and fundamentally different. But let's leave the subtleties to professionals - parents, it is more important to know the main features of each crisis in order to help your child survive these difficult periods. The table below briefly describes the main age-related crises in children.

Cheat sheet for parents: age crises

Table of crises in different periods child's life:

Age	The subject of the conflict	close environment	Outcome of the crisis
0-1 year	Should we trust this world?	Support, satisfaction of needs, care, contact, emotional communication	Trust in people, positive attitude towards oneself
		Lack of support, poor care, inconsistency, emotional "deafness"	Distrust of people, distrust of yourself
2-3 years	Can I control this world? (or just my behavior?)	Support, the introduction of reasonable restrictions, an adequate degree of freedom, the absence of parental aggression in punishment	Autonomy, the desire to control oneself
		Overprotection, lack of support and trust, harsh or humiliating punishments	Self-doubt, shame, or anxiety
4-5 years	Can I be independent from my parents and where are my limits? What does it mean to be a boy and a girl?	Encouragement of activity, availability of research opportunities, recognition of the rights of the child, gender-role recognition	Initiative, self-confidence, gender recognition
		Disapproval of activity, constant criticism, accusations, rejection of oneself as a girl or a boy	Guilt for actions, feeling of own "badness". Negative attitude to own gender
6-11 years old	Can I become skilled enough to survive and adapt to the world?	Soft training and education, availability good examples to follow	Hardworking, having personal interests and a desire to achieve goals
		Unsystematic or conflicting learning, lack of guidance, lack of positive role models	Feelings of inferiority, insecurity and fear of difficulties
12-18 years old	Who am I without the influence of my parents? What are my personal beliefs, views, positions?	Internal stability and continuity, the presence of clearly defined gender models for imitation, recognition of the child's right to his own inner world	Identity, internal integrity
		Unclear purpose, fuzzy Feedback, uncertain expectations	Confusion of roles, contradiction of values, emotional dependence

Crisis of the first year of life

"Should I trust this world?"

The first crisis occurs in children under the age of one year. A baby, just born, is defenseless and helpless. He literally cannot survive unless there are people around to take care of him. But it is important for a child not only to be fed and washed. The kid needs confidence: they were waiting for him here. He needs to see the joy and happiness on the faces of people who care about him, in order to subsequently trust people, himself and the world. With constant care, affection, reliable presence, endless hugs and kisses, mom and dad prove: to be born is wonderful!

But if the baby is faced with bad care, indifference or observes that loved ones suffer, grieve, swear, often absent, he makes a number of disappointing conclusions. Conclusion about myself: “I don’t make them happy, so I’m bad.” Conclusion about people in general: "people are unreliable, unstable, and should not be trusted." The child makes all these conclusions unconsciously, but they become his guide to action, because this is his real experience. Therefore, in the future, some people see the glass as half full, while others see it as empty. Some see opportunities, while others see problems. Some find the strength to fight difficulties, while others give up without a fight, because deep down they know that everything is useless, because "I'm bad" and "you can't trust anyone." Of this importance is the first age crisis observed in children under one year old.

Crisis 2–3 years

"Independence or insecurity?"

Children learn to walk, control their bodies: they get used to using the toilet, eat at a common table and gradually become more and more independent. And this “freedom” beckons them: you need to touch everything, grab it, scatter it, that is, study it. Children become capricious and demanding because they want to understand how to control their parents, how to make sure that they continue to fulfill all their desires. And parents have another task - to teach the child to manage not the world, but himself. Go to the potty yourself, eat yourself, be able to stop yourself, hear the parent's "no", respond to prohibitions and restrictions. This is a difficult time.

Demanding two-year-old “terrorists” need reasonable restrictions, when “no” is always “no”, and an adequate degree of freedom. Parents should be patient and wait until "I myself" washes his hands, sweeps with a broom, opens the door with keys. This is how self-confidence is born, the first “I can!” and independence. As a result, the child seeks to control himself, and not to manipulate his parents. But the search for a “parental button” is typical for all three-year-olds, so it is very important not to go too far with punishments, not to show physical aggression, not to shame the child, not to humiliate, because so far he knows very little.

The more rigidly you “drive” rules into him, the more often you blame him for misconduct, the more criticism and ridicule of the “sloppy” and “dirty” will be, the more insecure and uncontrollable a person can become in the future. Such an adult will be forced to argue with the rules and laws, to prove his right to respect, to see a threat to his dignity in any sidelong glance and order from his superiors. The roots of despotism, aggressiveness, total uncertainty also often lie in this period.

Crisis 4–5 years

"What does it mean to be a boy or a girl?"

At the age of four or five, children learn how the world works, they are interested in what place the relationship of the sexes has in it. Games of “daughters-mothers”, knights and supermen, “shop”, “hospital” - all this reflects the desire of the child to find his place in the world, to understand what the knowledge “I am a girl / I am a boy” brings? Being a girl means being beautiful like a princess, hardworking like Cinderella or sacrificial like the Little Mermaid? And who is the boy? The one who does not cry, is not afraid of anything, can give back to everyone, or the one who is smart, kind and patient?

All our gender stereotypes and expectations are laid down during this period and are transferred from the relationship of the parent couple. The girl and the boy carefully observe the behavior of their parents, they are sensitive to their words and assessments. Such as " a real man never let a woman carry bags" or " real woman She doesn't need help, she can do everything herself. The child reads the parents' relationship with each other, their spoken and unspoken expectations for each other, and thus his future attitude towards people of his own and the opposite sex is formed. Where is the line that I will never be able to just because I am a boy or a girl? Why can't boys paint their nails, because it's beautiful? Why can't a girl jump from a garage, right? The more conflicting feelings parents have about the gender of the child, the more difficult it is for him to form his own idea of ​​these norms.

IN modern society these boundaries are increasingly blurred, so it is the parents who play a decisive role in what the child will understand by the words “girl / woman” and “boy / man”. The more he hears in childhood negative, depreciating phrases that “all women are fools” and “men are gone”, than worse relationship between parents, the more difficult and confusing it becomes personal life in future. And if before your eyes there is an example of a pretty happy relationship parents, when everyone is satisfied with their fate and role, is realized both in the family and in their career, the child does not have painful experiences about his gender, - he has clear guidelines on how to become happy. To help a child successfully navigate this crisis, parents need nothing less than to be happy.

Crisis 6–11 years

"How to survive and adapt to the world?"

The age of 6-7 years in many cultures is associated with the beginning of education. The child goes to school, he masters the system of knowledge that has been accumulated previous generations. It is important to make learning supportive rather than punishing. The child loses interest when he does not see the interest of adults (parents, teachers) in the process itself, when academic grades, patterns, standards are more important to them than a lively gleam in the eyes of the child. When in the process of learning, instead of support, a child hears insults from an adult, threats to “become a janitor”, this not only lowers self-esteem, but also destroys the desire to learn.

It is important for parents to find the area that the child is really interested in, and by their behavior to convince him: “I believe in you, you can do it, you will succeed!”. If it's not math, then maybe football; not football, so dancing; not dancing - so beading. Often parents see "success" solely in terms of school curriculum, But it's not right. If the child is “not interested in anything” at all, then the amount of criticism has already gone off scale and the baby has formed a stable idea of ​​himself as a clumsy and worthless person.

It is important for a child to see adults in his close circle who are passionate about their work, have hobbies, and enjoy their activities. This becomes a source of inspiration and gives rise to the desire to learn for yourself. If he hears grumbling about the disgusting work, observes the eternal expectation of Friday and weekends, monotony and routine, then he has no one to take positive example. “Why do you need to learn something in order to suffer the same way later?”

Hard work is cultivated through pleasure, through gaining a sense of "I can!", which are stimulated by the support and interest of parents. And the feeling of inferiority is born as a result of parental indifference and excessive criticism. As a result, as adults, people set goals for themselves that are completely different in terms of ambition: someone is interested in “pie in the sky”, while someone is content with “a tit in their hands”.

Crisis 12–18 years

“Who am I without the influence of my parents?”

The whole life of a child is a series of different roles: student or friend, older brother or sister, athlete or musician. During adolescence, there main question: Who am I really? Before this period, children practically do not criticize their parents and significant adults, they accept all our rules, beliefs and values ​​on faith. In adolescence, it is important to understand these ideas, roles, move away from parents and collect all ideas about yourself into one holistic identity. Identity is a sense of one's own truth, usefulness, belonging to the world and other people. The search for one's identity, the answer to the question: "Who am I?" - and there is the main task this period.

Influenced different people a child accumulates very contradictory values ​​throughout his life. For example, in the family there is an important value - education. And the child has an important value - friendship. And friends as a selection are those who do not see the value of studying. A teenager is faced with a choice: either "score" to study with friends, or, having chosen to study, lose the company of friends. Parents during this period have a hard time, precisely because the essence of the crisis itself is in leaving the influence of parents. Hence the obvious disobedience, disobedience, arguments, "withdrawal", slamming doors and other variants of teenage rebellion.

It is important for parents to find a balance between standing up for demands that they will not refuse, and the new freedom in ideas and actions that a teenager receives. For example, alcohol intoxication - under no circumstances. It is unacceptable. Dot. But your wardrobe - maybe we don’t like it, - but it’s yours, decide for yourself. Try to only dress according to the weather, and beauty and style are your prerogatives. It largely depends on the actions of the parents whether a person can become a self-sufficient stable personality, with his own internal principles, or whether he will constantly depend on the opinions of his parents first, then the second half, the boss and other significant people.

The crisis ends when the adolescent's inner confidence ceases to be in constant conflict, argument, dialogue: “What should I do? What to choose? How right? Whom to believe?", when answers are found and stability appears: "I know myself, I act based on my own, and not on imposed values."

Everything can be corrected

But what if, for some reason, the crisis was handled in a negative way? Can't you fix anything? Of course it isn't. Every person throughout life has the opportunity to change. And children are very flexible and plastic, they are able to “get” what they once lacked. For example, children deprived of parental warmth and love in infancy, experienced emotional rejection or loss of parents, can grow up to be fully adapted adults if they receive more love and focus on the next step. However, in the process of growing up, an incorrectly experienced crisis will be reflected in the behavior of the child, in his emotional world until it is resolved "with a different conclusion."

Therefore, it is important for parents to understand two things. The first is the consequences of a negative exit from child crisis affect the quality of a person's life for the rest of his life. Secondly, if any mistakes are made during the crisis, they can be corrected and the child, regardless of his age, can be given the opportunity to experience this conflict in a different way.

Modern parents have a hard time. New knowledge on education, advice from psychologists, social pressure, fear of being an unsuccessful parent, fear of raising an unsuccessful child... Not everyone can withstand all this. The famous humanist educator Janusz Korczak said about this: “Do not torture yourself if you cannot do something for your child, just remember: not enough has been done for the child if everything possible has not been done.”

Both adults and children go through different age crises throughout their lives. According to psychologists, the bulk of age-related crisis jumps occur in childhood and adolescence. This is easily explained by the fact that it is during these years that a person experiences the most dynamic development, which requires constant changes.

Doctors identify several crisis periods childhood

The formation of general and neuropsychic reactivity in children is uneven. This process is characterized by periodic jumps. Such rather sharp and stormy qualitative explosions give way to periods of calmer development. Crises of childhood are divided into 5 main phases:

1. Neonatal crisis. This phase lasts 6-8, sometimes 9 weeks after birth.
2. A crisis early childhood. It falls on the age of 12 - 18, 19 months (we recommend reading:).
3. Crisis 3 years. It can start as early as 2 years old and stretch up to 4.
4. Crisis 6-8 years (we recommend reading:).
5. Adolescence crisis. It happens at 12, 13, 14 years old.

neonatal crisis

Among specialists, it is customary to consider the children's crisis that a newborn is experiencing from the physical and psychological side. From the point of view of physiology, the process of adaptation of the crumbs to the new conditions of its existence is implied, which is fundamentally different from prenatal period. After birth, in order to survive, a baby needs to do many things on its own - for example, breathe, warm itself, get and assimilate food. To help the child adapt and make this process as stress-free as possible, parents should develop a calm daily routine, ensure regular sleep and good nutrition to establish the process of breastfeeding.

In the phase of psychological adaptation essential role play the actions and emotions of the parents of the child. A baby who has just been born does not yet have basic communication skills, so he needs help and support, especially from his mother.

It is she who is capable of intuitive level understand what exactly her baby needs. However, it is very difficult to trust only yourself and your baby, especially if there are many grandmothers, relatives and acquaintances around who constantly advise something. All mom needs to do is carry the baby in her arms, put it on her chest, hug and protect from unnecessary experiences, plus have an iron restraint.

It is important for the mother of a newborn child to build their own relationship with the baby, to establish mutual understanding

This crisis passes by 6-8 weeks after birth. Its completion is evidenced by the appearance of a revival complex. At the sight of his mother's face, the baby begins to smile or in some other way available to him to show his joy.

Crisis of early childhood

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Crisis time early age lasts from 12 months to a year and a half. During this period, the baby actively learns the world around him, learns to walk and talk. Naturally, at this age, the speech of the child is not yet very clear. While parents talk about the "own language" of the crumbs, psychologists have given her the name of autonomous children's speech.

At this stage, the baby, for whom the mother is the center of his whole being, comes to understand that she also has self-interest and desires, and therefore cannot belong to him alone. Along with this comes the fear of being lost or abandoned. It is in it that the reason for the strange behavior of babies who have just learned to walk lies. For example, they may not leave their mother for a single step or act differently - they constantly run away, thereby forcing them to pay attention to themselves.

The ability to walk independently becomes a kind of milestone in the development of the child - he slowly begins to realize his separateness

This phase marks the beginning of the child's manifestation of his own will and his first independent decisions. The most accessible and understandable way for him to defend his opinion is protest, disagreement and opposing himself to others. It is categorically impossible to try to fight in these moments with a child. Firstly, this will not give any results, and secondly, now he needs to feel unshakable love from his parents and have their physical and emotional support.

It is important for parents to switch from the idea that their child is a helpless creature, to give him the opportunity to develop himself at this stage of growing up. It is clear that an assessment of its capabilities is required and, if necessary, periodically pushing the crumbs towards something, or vice versa, some slowing down of its pace.

Psychologists were able to calculate by weeks and months the frequency of crises in children in the first year and a half. They created a special calendar for this in the form of a table by week. Those weeks when the child has a crisis state are shaded more dark color. yellow tint denoted auspicious time development, and a cloud - the most difficult periods.

Weekly baby development crisis calendar

Crisis of three years

The so-called crisis of 3 years may not occur strictly in 3 years. It has fairly wide time limits. The time of its beginning and completion can vary from 2 to 4 years - this is due to individual characteristics individual child. Also, this period is characterized by sharp jumps with manifestations that are difficult to correct. Parents need a lot of patience and perseverance. You should not react very sharply to the tantrums and whims of the baby (we recommend reading:). The method of switching attention is quite effective in such situations. At the next hysterical outburst, you need to try to distract the baby by taking it with something else, more interesting.

7 pronounced symptoms of a crisis 3 years

The most common signs of this crisis jump are:

1. Negativism. The baby begins to have a negative attitude towards one of the parents or even several relatives at once. This results in his disobedience and refusal to communicate and any interaction with them.
2. Stubbornness. Demanding something, the child becomes too persistent, but at the same time does not have the slightest desire to listen to the position of the parents, who are trying to explain to him the reasons why they cannot fulfill his request. The baby is unable to change his original desire and is ready to defend it to the end.
3. Obstinacy. It lies in the actions that children do in defiance. For example, if a child is asked to collect things, he will scatter more more toys, if you ask him to come, he will run away and hide. Such behavior is more likely to be caused by a protest against the rules, established norms and restrictions, rather than associated with a specific person.
4. Self-will or the desire to do everything on their own without the help of adults. At the age of 3, it is difficult for a baby to make an assessment of his own potential and compare it with his real capabilities. This leads to the fact that he often commits inappropriate actions, as a result, he becomes angry when he fails.
5. Rebellion. Wanting to make sure that his opinion is taken into account, the baby deliberately conflicts with others.
6. Depreciation. The child ceases to appreciate everything that was dear to him before. It comes down to broken toys, torn books, and being disrespectful to loved ones.
7. Despotism. The baby demands that his parents fulfill all his whims, thereby he tries to subordinate them to his will.

early childhood autism

It is important not to exclude the possibility that age-related crises in children may be accompanied by mental disorders. During this period, hormonal changes take place. Its cause is the activation of the nuclei of the diencephalon and pituitary gland. The child is rapidly developing the process of cognition, this is the basis for the detection of neuropsychiatric diseases.

At this stage of a child's development, an early childhood autism(We recommend reading:). This is a definite deviation mental development. The disease is characterized by a sharp decrease in the need to contact with others. The child has no desire to talk, communicate, he does not show any emotions to the actions of other people, that is, laughter, smile, fear and other reactions are alien to him. The baby is not interested in toys, animals, or new people. Such children have fun by repeating monotonous movements - for example, swaying the torso, fingering or rotating the hands in front of the eyes. Such features in behavior require mandatory consultation of a psychoneurologist. The sooner treatment is started, the greater the chance of a successful outcome.

This crisis period two main aspects can be distinguished:

1. Physical development. This is a very stressful time for the body. At this age, the child is growing rapidly in terms of physical indicators, improves the subtleties of motor skills of the hands, he develops certain rather complex neuropsychic functions.
2. social change. Children begin to go to elementary grades, they have a difficult process of adaptation to new conditions, requirements and environment. Such changes can provoke the formation of a complex of deviations in behavior in the child, which has received the general name "school neurosis".

The "school" crisis is associated with an increase in workloads and the receipt of a new social role student

school neurosis

A child with school neurosis is characterized by various behavioral deviations. Some students have:

• increased anxiety;
• fear of being late for class or doing something wrong;
• appetite disturbance, which is observed especially in the morning hours before school, and in some cases may be accompanied by nausea and even vomiting.

In other cases, such deviations manifest themselves as:

• lack of desire to get up, get dressed and go to school;
• inability to get used to discipline;
• the inability to remember tasks and answer the questions posed by teachers.

In most cases, school neurosis can be found in weakened children who have left the preschool age, but because of the physical and mental data lagging behind their peers.

Parents need to weigh everything well before sending a six-year-old baby to school. It is not worth rushing with this even at the age of seven, if, in the opinion of the pediatrician, the child is not yet ready for such changes.

Komarovsky does not recommend overloading the baby until he fully adapts to the new way of life. It is better to wait with additional sections and circles. Hidden brain damage, which may have been acquired due to complications during childbirth or pregnancy, infection or trauma received in preschool or early childhood, may appear during the period of adjustment to school. The signs of this are:

• fatigue;
• motor restlessness;
• the recurrence of stuttering, which may have been present during preschool age;
• urinary incontinence.

In addition to the obligatory help of a doctor, it is necessary to create at home calm atmosphere. Do not scold or punish the baby, do not set impossible tasks for him.

For the age of 12-15, the most noticeable changes are characteristic - both in physiology and with psychological point vision. IN teenage years boys have hyperexcitability and intemperance, quite often they can even show aggression. Girls at this age are characterized by an unstable mood. In addition, regardless of gender, adolescent children are characterized by hypersensitivity, indifference, excessive resentment and selfishness, and some begin to show callousness to others, bordering on cruelty, especially for the closest people.

In an effort to be independent, not to depend on adults and trying to assert themselves, teenagers often commit dangerous and rash acts. For example, failing to find themselves in school, sports, or creativity, they start smoking, drinking alcohol, trying drugs, or entering an early age. sexual life. Another way of self-affirmation in adolescents is grouping, that is, spending time and communicating in a group of peers.

Compared to a first grader, a teenager needs the same amount of attention from their parents, and sometimes much more. However, it is necessary to perceive him as an adult, and not as a child, and understand that now his pride is especially vulnerable. It is absolutely useless for a teenager to impose his own opinion. In order to achieve a result, one has only to guide the child. He must assume that he makes the decision himself.

Teenagers in times of crisis require almost more attention than first-graders

Mental disorders in adolescence

In adolescence, in some cases, children have certain mental disorders that are quite difficult to distinguish from the usual features of a crisis state. At this stage of development, especially in situations where a boy or girl is rapidly maturing physically and sexually, a hitherto latent predisposition to serious illnesses associated with the psyche. Consultation with a psychiatrist will not hurt at all and even help if the following changes are observed in the usual behavior of a teenager.

Every child has crises during which he withdraws from his parents, withdraws into himself and becomes too emotional.

Crises in children by year can be overcome if you listen to the advice of psychologists.

Knowing certain rules, the parent can find mutual language with baby and prevent.

What to do if the child does not obey? will prompt you!

Psychology and concept

Crisis age - what is it?

The childhood crisis is called transition period between age groups.

This happens at the completion of certain stages of development. This phenomenon occurs due to physiological and psychological changes.

How the crisis manifests itself depends on the child's temperament and social relations. If in one case its manifestation is strong, baby became nervous, then in another it can be practically unnoticeable.

Psychologists say that during such periods, even the most calm children become very nervous, irritable, and even. They react emotionally to familiar words and phrases, trying to prove their case.

Children younger age at the same time they cry, stomp their feet, throw toys and lie down on the floor. An older child usually argues with parents, provokes a conflict, does not try to find a compromise.

According to experts, such phenomena can't be avoided. They are important for the development of the child, the formation of his psyche and social relations.

The duration of crises usually does not exceed several months, but under the influence of negative factors, certain circumstances, the duration increases.

Signs of a child crisis and how to survive it

For every age certain signs of a crisis. To cope with this difficult period, you need to listen to psychologists.

first year of life

The crisis of 1 year is characterized by several signs that a parent should be aware of. Consider a table:

Features	Unwillingness to obey, tearfulness, harsh. A baby can be affectionate, and after five minutes start crying for no reason. Appears: the child requires all the attention of the parents to be riveted to him. Screams and crying are observed if mom or dad turned away, distracted by their own business.
Causes of the crisis at this age	There is an active physiological and intellectual development. The kid learns the world, rebuilds, which affects his behavior. It may seem to him that he has become an adult and his relatives do not need to obey. For this reason, children throw tantrums.
What actions cannot be taken	Parents during this period should not demonstrate their power, shout at the child, bring him to tears. They should remain friends, not enemies. At this age, children are sensitive to the tone of voice of loved ones, so you need to speak strictly, but do not break into a cry, otherwise it will negatively affect the psyche. It is worth showing tolerance without using corporal punishment.

Children at this age become very touchy, get very upset if their mother yells at them and scolds them for something. You need to be more affectionate, hug the baby during tantrums, because physical contact is important to him: he feels the warmth of his mother and.

If the child began to show independence, it is not necessary to forbid it.

For example: he wants to eat with a spoon himself, takes it in his hand, he must be allowed to try to eat on his own. This will have a beneficial effect on its development.

In addition, you need be his friend: play together, watch cartoons. Joint pastime and the attention of parents will give the child a sense of security. He will understand that he is loved and appreciated, then the crisis will be overcome easier and faster.

One and a half years

It is not difficult to recognize this period at this age. The following signs:

The reason for these actions is intellectual development of the child. He manifests desire to know the world, to touch the things around him, but at the same time, childish capriciousness and the desire to attract the attention of parents to himself are manifested, as if showing what he learned, what he found.

During this period, you can not show negative emotions and yell at children. Let them be more independent.

Mom should observe the actions of the baby but do not control every step. He will be happy if they begin to perceive him as an equal, if they play with him.

At two years old

At two years old, the child even more strongly manifests his independence.

Appear short words and phrases that the baby uses in order to show independence.

Most children at this age say: “I don’t want”, “I won’t”, “no”, “I myself”. They try to do everything on their own, help their parents and believe that they know everything better than adults.

Whims appear when they something is forbidden. Then crying appears, the child knocks his legs on the floor so that he is allowed to fulfill his plan.

He especially likes to answer all the questions of the elders "no". It's getting new toy, so these answers should not be taken seriously.

Need only have patience and not scold the child, trying to explain that this is not always the appropriate answer.

The reasons for this behavior are first manifestations of personality traits. The child gradually begins to realize himself, certain preferences are formed, a model of behavior is laid.

3 years

At three years old child becomes more independent: tries to prove to adults that he is equal to them, knows how to do a lot himself.

The main signs of the crisis of three years are:

1. Negativism. Children cease to obey their parents, refuse every request: they do not want to go home, although they are already tired on a walk, they refuse to eat, although they have long been hungry. They simply do not want to agree on anything with their relatives.
2. obstinacy. He stops listening to anyone, pretends that they are not addressing him, can run away for a walk, suddenly make a mess in the room, scattering toys.
3. Despotism. The kid goes to great lengths so that everyone in the family obeys only him: he can pick up his sister's toys, hit one of his parents if they do not allow him to realize what he wants. It seems to him that he is in charge and everyone should obey him.
4. willfulness. Three-year-old children do everything to be like adults: they try to turn on electrical devices themselves, cross the road without holding their mother's hand. At the most unexpected moment, they can run away, and on a walk they try not to notice the presence of adults.

During this period, it is important to explain what cannot be done, what actions are strictly prohibited. It is necessary to speak strictly and warn of punishments.

6 years

Crisis of this age radically different from what happened in the past.

The child is no longer, will not cry in public place and kick your feet.

The restructuring of the body manifests itself in a different way:

1. Abrupt change in behavior. It changes dramatically: instead of telling all the secrets, secrecy appears, instead of obedience, rudeness arises.
2. Formation of fears. It is at this age that fears begin to appear. Someone admits that he is afraid of insects, and someone of the dark.
3. No interest in the game. What you liked before is no longer interesting. A favorite doll or car can lie on the shelves of the closet, the child will never come to them.

Children begin be rude adults, become unbearable in communication.

But even in this case, there is no need to be rude and shout, you should punish them, speak as seriously and strictly as possible, so that they understand that you need to answer for misconduct.

AT 7

Appears when the child realizes that he will soon be going to school and has there will be new responsibilities, friends You will have to make many decisions on your own.

He understands that he is growing up, but he is not used to new responsibilities yet.

Adulthood borders on childishness, which affects the behavior negatively: the child can be capricious, becomes restless, mimics adults.

Outbursts of anger, irritability, absent-mindedness are possible, which affects school performance badly: the child gets low grades, is afraid to tell his parents about them, becomes secretive.

AT 8

During this period the child loses innocence and trust. He becomes more mature, there are actions and phrases that are characteristic of an adult.

He thinks he might be wrong important matters, narcissism is lost and dissatisfaction with one's own appearance may appear. The kid may refuse to wear certain clothes, going to school for a long time, choosing what to wear for a long time.

May appear criticism of oneself and others and even teachers.

This is expressed by dissatisfaction with communication, frequent conflicts.

Inappropriate behavior with outbursts of anger and the tendency to fight is growing.

It is very important for loved ones to immediately solve such problems, talk more with the child and explain to him that he will be punished. Good behavior on the contrary, should be encouraged.

The opinion of Dr. Komarovsky

Dr. Komarovsky says that the child should be given the opportunity to be independent, his rights, freedom and control over every step should not be infringed.

It's important to be there but as a mentor or friend, not an enemy or despot. They do not scold him for misconduct, but strictly talk to him, making it clear what exactly was done wrong, how to behave correctly.

You can not impose your opinion, especially if it is a question of choosing clothes, toys.

You should consult with him as often as possible so that he can Express your opinion.

It is necessary to establish contact with the child, to become friends so that he can trust loved ones.

Children have crises that manifest themselves in different ways at each age. Having studied their signs, having listened to the advice of psychologists, it will be much easier to overcome these periods.

Crises of childhood. Psychologist's advice:

Ekaterina Morozova

Reading time: 6 minutes

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Under the age crisis, psychologists mean the period of transition of the child from one stage of development to another. At this time, the behavior of the baby changes dramatically, and quite often not in better side. You will learn about what age crises are in children, and how to deal with them, from our article. Read also:

Child Crisis Calendar

• The very first psychological crisis child. Manifested at 6-8 months . The baby is accustomed to the new living conditions. He learns to independently warm himself, breathe, eat food. But he still cannot communicate on his own, so he urgently needs the support and help of his parents.
  
  
  To facilitate this period of addiction, parents need to pay as much attention to the baby as possible : take him in your arms, breastfeed, hug and protect him from stress and anxiety.

• Psychologists were the first to identify this transitional period, since at this time baby begins to explore the world on his own . He starts talking and walking. The child begins to understand that the mother, who is at the center of his worldview, also has other interests, his own life. He begins to fear being abandoned or lost . It is for this reason that, having only learned to walk a little, the kids behave rather strangely: every 5 minutes they check where their mother is, or by any means try to get the maximum attention of their parents.
  
  
  At the age of 12-18 months the child tries to compare himself with others and make the first volitional decisions . Quite often, this results in real “protests” against previously established rules. It is important for parents to understand that the child is no longer helpless and needs a certain freedom for development.

• Crisis 3 years

  This is a very acute psychological crisis, which appears at 2-4 years of age . The child becomes almost uncontrollable, his behavior is difficult to correct. He has one answer to all your proposals: “I won’t”, “I don’t want to”. At the same time, quite often the words are confirmed by actions: you say “it's time to go home”, the baby runs away in the opposite direction, you say “fold the toys”, and he deliberately scatters them. When a child is forbidden something, he screams loudly, stamps his feet, and sometimes even tries to hit you. Don't be scared! your baby begins to recognize himself as a person . This manifests itself in the form of independence, activity and perseverance.
  
  
  During this difficult period Parents need to be extra patient . and even more punish him for it. Such a reaction of yours can only worsen the behavior of the baby, and sometimes becomes the cause of the formation of negative character traits.
  However, it is necessary to define clear boundaries of what is permitted, and it is impossible to deviate from them. If you succumb to pity, the child will instantly feel it and will try to manipulate you. Many psychologists recommend during strong tantrums, leave the baby alone with him . When there are no spectators, it becomes not interesting to be capricious.

• The transition period the child is going through aged 6 to 8 years . During this period, children are actively growing, their fine motor skills of their hands are improving, and the psyche continues to form. On top of all this, it changes social status he becomes a schoolboy.
  
  
  The child's behavior changes dramatically. He becomes aggressive, begins to argue with parents, snap and grimace . If earlier parents saw all the emotions of their child on his face, now he begins to hide them. For young schoolchildren increased anxiety , they are afraid of being late for lessons or performing incorrectly homework. As a result, he loss of appetite, and sometimes even nausea and vomiting .
  Try not to overload your child with extra activities. Let him first. Try to treat him like an adult, give him more independence. Make the child responsible for his personal affairs. And even if he doesn't get something, keep supporting his faith in himself .

• Teen Crisis

  One of the most complex crises as their child becomes an adult. This period may begin both at 11 and at 14 years old, and it lasts 3-4 years . For boys, it lasts longer.
  
  
  Teenagers at this age are unrestrained, easily excitable, and sometimes even aggressive . They are very selfish, touchy, indifferent to relatives and others . Their academic performance drops sharply, even in those subjects that used to be easy. Their opinion and behavior is quite strongly influenced by the social circle.
  It's time to start treating the child as a completely adult person who can take responsibility for their own actions and make decisions . Remember that, despite the independence, he still needs the support of his parents .

The concept of "age crisis" heard most of the parents. Most often, these words appear crying baby, destroying everything around and not wanting to hear anything, or a rebellious teenager with bright green hair and an earring in his nose.

But that's only outer side crisis that does not arise from scratch. The true reason is to reach a certain stage of development nervous system, without passing which it is impossible harmonious development little person. During such periods, our child, more than ever, needs support, attention and all possible help from loved ones. Fighting only with external manifestations can aggravate the transition of a small person to the next stage of personality development.

When do these "terrible" crises occur? In fact, the boundaries age-related changes are quite blurred, since the development of each child occurs according to an individual scheme.

In preschool children, the following are conditionally distinguished:

Neonatal crisis. "I was born!"

Of course, the little creature that was born is mastering a new environment for it. External manifestations there is not so much such a crisis - after all, all the baby needs during this period is food, sleep, love and care of parents.

But oddly enough, it is during this period that the baby's trust in the World is laid. Needless to say, a newborn needs constant attention to his needs from his mother, and positive emotions emanating from her. At this stage, the child is especially acutely aware emotional states adults around him and either “infects” with calmness from them, or, on the contrary, gets nervous and cries when not everything is in order in the family.

Crisis of early childhood. "I know the world"

The crisis of early childhood is associated with the new capabilities of the baby and his completely natural need to study the essence of objects and phenomena. The greatest difficulty during this period is the inability to forbid anything to the baby without causing him a violent protest.

The crisis of 1 year is aggravated by the fact that the baby begins to realize his isolation from his mother. The child understands that important person in his life can go away, leave him alone. Therefore, during this period, contradictory behavior of the crumbs is observed - the baby either cannot move a single step, or, on the contrary, shows independence and makes a scandal when trying to help.

How to cope

Facilitate the passage of this milestone in the life of a small person is possible if you follow some rules.

• Keep all dangerous things away, secure your home and create a favorable environment for research activities.
• Distract the baby. His attention during this period easily switches from one object to another, so instead of the next “no”, you can use the trick and offer the child something more interesting.
• Keep prohibitions to a minimum and strictly follow them. Define for yourself a small list of such actions. There should be as few categorical “no” as possible - about 5-10 points. This will allow you to set some boundaries of what is permitted, without greatly limiting the child in research activities.
• If the baby needs attention, put things aside and play with him. This is not a whim, but an urgent need for security.
• Do not use threats: "Here I go and leave you alone!". During this period, such statements can undermine the baby's faith in himself and affect his self-esteem in the future.
• Try to be understanding negative emotions child. It is still very difficult for him to cope with conflicting feelings. Even a hysterical baby needs acceptance, understanding and support.

It is possible to reduce your own negative reactions if you understand what the baby wants to say with one or another action. For example, a child running away for a walk wants to feel that his mother is needed, because she must follow him.

Does the kid demand some thing that he can’t and make a scandal about this? Try to put yourself in the place of a child. On the one hand, he is interested, which means it is very important to get what attracted his attention. On the other hand, he feels his own dependence on the wishes and opinions of adults.

Crisis in a 3-year-old child

Even those who do not have children have heard about the crisis of 3 years. It appears as something terrible and incomprehensible, when a baby from an obedient and sweet child suddenly turns into an uncontrollable rebel.

Nevertheless, during the formation of a personality, there are no “suddenly” and such behavior of a child is a necessary stage in growing up and becoming aware of oneself in this world.

At the age of 2.5-4 years, the baby begins to realize himself as independent personality and "build" your own "I". What actually happens to the baby when he becomes uncontrollable?

• During this period, the child begins to form his own opinion, which may differ in many respects from the opinion of the parents and flow into a real rebellion.
• The kid begins to determine for himself the boundaries of what is permitted in interaction with others. Therefore, there may be an acute reaction to the prohibition or its direct violation. It is not uncommon for children to also hit or be rude.
• The child forms his own views, and they, as you know, need to be followed. This can result in stubbornness, often unreasonable from the point of view of adults. In fact, the baby is simply trying to stick to the once chosen position. After all, he decided!
• It is especially difficult for a child to accept his dependent position during this period. He has a desire to do everything himself, he can react sharply to the offer of help.
• The denial of previous authorities can result in children's negativism, when the child begins to reject the proposals of people who directed him before. Moreover, such behavior is directed, as a rule, primarily at the loved one- mom.
• The baby has a desire to lead, to tell parents how and what to do, because before only they could set the "rules". Now the young family member is trying to defend his right to give commands.

How to cope

Based on the foregoing, this is indeed difficult period in family life. It is no less difficult for the child himself. Therefore, if you notice that the baby is going through a crisis, Special attention it is necessary to pay attention to the reasons for the occurrence of certain negative reactions. Only then will it be possible the best way help the baby survive a difficult life stage, and parents save their own nerves.

To minimize the negative manifestations of the crisis, adhere to the following recommendations.

• Let the kid do whatever he wants, of course, within reason. Do not try to do something for him, but prompt and show once again how he can cope with the problem on his own.
• Learn to back off. This is one of better ways fight against childhood negativism. Is the child rebelling against a daily routine or rule? Find a compromise.
• Offer your child as many choices as possible, while cutting off unacceptable options as gently as possible.
• Distract the child if he is too persistent in something.
• Try to praise the child for initiative and independence in those aspects that you consider useful, even if the baby did not do it brilliantly. Next time will be better.
• Gently but firmly set your own boundaries. Do not go along with the child if he tries to command or tell you what to do.
• Do not let the baby get his own way by tantrums or screams. This behavior may persist in the future. If you cannot calm the child at this moment, it is better to let him be alone, and then offer a compromise.
• Use cunning in the fight against children's negativism. If the previously rejected proposal of the mother called a protest, let another family member try to repeat it.

As for the bans, one way or another during this period there will be more of them. After all, the baby will literally test you for strength. During this period, it is important to clearly establish the boundaries of what is permitted, since it is on them that the child will begin to focus in the future.

Crisis in a 7-year-old child

The kid is growing, it's time for him to go to school, and here again there are tantrums and protests. Such behavior is associated both with the internal state of the baby himself, and with a change in his environment and routine.

Firstly, the way the child receives information is changing and the learning process is replacing the game perception, which requires endurance, perseverance and discipline.

How to cope

The psyche of each child is individual, it does not always have time to fully adjust to a new way of gaining knowledge - hence fatigue, nervousness, capriciousness. It is important to understand that a new rhythm can be difficult for a baby. Do not punish him for blots in a notebook or mistakes, try to praise him for his achievements.

Let the baby rest more. Do not insist on visiting circles and sections. Offer him various ways relaxation after the training process - warm shower, daytime sleep opportunity to walk and play.

Changing the external environment also has a significant impact on the child during this period. He is no longer just a separate unit in the totality of children. Now, more than ever, the baby begins to feel like a part of a group, a class. And in the class, as you know, not everyone is equal - one studies diligently, the other is the ringleader in games, the third knows how to stand up for himself.

Trying to define his place within a group of children, the child may become nervous due to failures in school or communication. It is important during this period to identify the cause of the baby’s emotional behavior, and not label him as “lazy and lazy” if the portfolio flew into the corner again, and the previously obedient son flatly refuses to do the lessons.

It is important to note that the crisis of 7 years can come both earlier and later. due date, and can even go smoothly and without problems. Everything will depend on the temperament of the child, his readiness for school and the load on the fragile nervous system.

Correct understanding of the emotions experienced by the child in a particular case. His internal contradictions and the direction of development of a small personality will make it easier to overcome the crises of growing up.