How to achieve it in relationships between people. How to achieve mutual understanding between people

For effective joint activities Mere knowledge and understanding of man by man is not enough. Something is needed that would ensure the psychological unity of their interaction. Mutual understanding is precisely such a factor. For mutual understanding, joint activity is not enough; mutual assistance is needed. To achieve mutual understanding between people it is necessary to create special conditions. Here are the most important of them.

The essence of mutual understanding. The presence of many approaches to understanding the phenomenon of mutual understanding is explained by its complexity and versatility, which allows us to simultaneously consider it as a process, as a result, and as a state. Summarizing the existing points of view, we can come to the conclusion that mutual understanding should be considered a socio-psychological phenomenon, the essence of which is manifested in:

agreement by people on individual understanding of the subject of communication;
mutually acceptable bilateral assessment and acceptance of goals, motives and attitudes interaction partners, during which there is closeness or similarity (full or partial) of cognitive, emotional and behavioral responses to ways of achieving the results of joint activities that are acceptable to them.

At the same time, mutual understanding between people is the level of their interaction at which they understand the content and structure of the partner’s present and possible next actions, and also mutually assist in achieving a common goal.

For mutual understanding, joint activity is not enough; mutual assistance is needed. It excludes its antipode - mutual opposition, with the appearance of which misunderstanding arises, and then misunderstanding of man by man.

Sources (reasons) of misunderstanding can be:

absence or distortion of people's perception of each other;
differences in the structure of presentation and perception of speech and other signals;
lack of time for mental processing of received and issued information;
intentional or accidental distortion of transmitted information;
inability to correct an error or clarify data;
lack of a unified conceptual framework for assessment personal qualities partner, the context of his speech and behavior;
violation of the rules of interaction in the process of performing a specific task;
loss or transfer to another goal of joint actions, etc.

To achieve mutual understanding between people, it is necessary to create special conditions. Here are the most important of them.

1. Understanding the speech of the interacting person. It starts with perception and comprehension of individual words, which are lexical units of speech. More precisely, not even from words, but from phonemes, from the linear sequence of which a speech message unfolds. A phoneme is usually understood as the shortest meaningful (phonological) unit of language. It must be accepted by the partner. Perception, and therefore understanding, will occur if a person already has a system psychological signs, by which phonemes are perceived and remembered.

Decoding phonemes allows you to reveal the meaning of the entire system of words that expresses a certain thought. After individual sentences are understood, insight into the meaning of the message as a whole begins. “To understand the whole message,” wrote A. R. Luria, “the perceiver must correlate the sentences with each other, select those of them that have a key, leading meaning, and formulate the general idea of the statement, and sometimes decipher the motive of the statement that constitutes its subtext." Knowing the Subtext speech is a necessary condition“deep reading” of thoughts. It is extracted from the content of the conversation, from the general environment in which the perceived phenomena are embedded.

The context of interaction between two individuals, as a rule, includes themselves as independent individuals and the situation of their activities (behavior). Decoding signals from these components of the context will precisely create the conditions for achieving mutual understanding between people.

2. Awareness of the manifesting qualities of the interacting personality. People differ in beliefs, needs, interests, ideals, feelings, character traits, abilities, etc. These and other qualities often need to be evaluate by directly observing a person who interacted with him. This can be done only by studying actions, deeds, and his activities in general.

In actions and activities, a person manifests himself, that is, reveals his qualities to others. Assessment of qualities allows us to judge motives and goals of a person. The latter make it possible to draw a conclusion about what the partner is going to: assistance or opposition. Such a conclusion is necessary to establish mutual understanding between people.

3. Identification of the influence of the situation of interaction with a partner on the personality. This situation refers to objectively developing circumstances and conditions that favor or hinder the interaction of individuals. The environment consists of objects, things, means and tools that interacting individuals use and in which they are surrounded. Quantity and quality of furnishings, their placement in space and changes in time create specific circumstances of interaction.

The latter often encourage people to change their behavior, sometimes even in such a way that its psychological content is lost behind the scenes. outside actions. S. L. Rubinstein wrote about it this way: “In Everyday life When communicating with people, we navigate their behavior, since we seem to “read” it, that is, we decipher the meaning of its external data and reveal the meaning of the resulting text in a context that has its own internal psychological plan. This “reading” proceeds fluently, since in the process of communicating with others we develop a certain more or less automatically functioning psychological subtext to their behavior.” The subtext is extracted from the personal qualities of the individual and the situation of his interaction with his partner. At the same time, communicating people act the more successfully, the more prepared they are in socio-psychological terms.

4. Development of an agreement and its practical implementation according to established rules. An official statement of the interacting persons agreeing to understand and act upon certain rules obliges me to a lot. They are forced to fulfill their obligations, because the discrepancy between words and deeds indicates a violation of mutual understanding, and this cannot be hidden.

Compliance with the rules in practice, in life is a criterion mutual understanding reached. It will be higher, the more acceptable the developed agreements are for joint activities. They should not constrain partners. To do this, they need to be corrected periodically, that is, coordinate your actions. This is best done in a situation where individuals have equal rights.

These are the most General terms achieving mutual understanding between people. It arises on the basis and during their interaction. The latter is the root cause of socio-psychological phenomena. Mutual understanding is one of them. It must be studied, comprehended and used to improve the efficiency of joint activities of people.

Lack of mutual understanding manifests itself in the form of lack of respect from loved ones, trust with children, good relations with colleagues. Efforts must be made to change the situation

What is mutual understanding?

Mutual understanding between people is a coincidence of judgments and views, finding solutions to problems conflict situations. The foundation of long-term relationships is mutual understanding.

Without mutual understanding, a working relationship, love or friendship cannot exist. It is important for a person to feel the support of like-minded people in case of quarrels or conflicts. Mutual understanding is the main assistant on the path to success.

IN family relationships Mutual understanding makes it easy to overcome common difficulties, maintaining family comfort and a calm atmosphere. If at the beginning of a relationship mutual understanding arises on its own, then in the process family life all family members support him.

Mutual understanding and friendship are inseparable concepts. The ability to forgive, patience and support are the main parameters friendly relations and mutual understanding.

Reasons for lack of mutual understanding

The problem of mutual understanding can be present in any type of relationship. If mutual understanding disappears, then the relationship falls apart. Finding the reasons for what is happening will help to collect them bit by bit.

Determining the cause of loss of mutual understanding:

Selfishness and fixation on one's own interests.
Disregard for your partner's opinion.
Incorrect understanding of the partner’s words and actions.
The desire to impose an opinion on a partner, unreasonably entering into disputes.
Inability to find a compromise, be flexible and avoid conflicts.
Inability to listen and hear.
There is a big difference in the level of education/upbringing/intellectual development when to find “ mutual language“It becomes more difficult over the years.

An attentive attitude towards your partner will help to establish mutual understanding. N wait quick results– fixation on the problem of mutual understanding in relationships can aggravate the current situation.

For an easy path to agreement, there are several tips on how to achieve mutual understanding:

Talk about everything more often. Share your thoughts, tell the news, discuss books and films. Talk more openly.
Find common things to do. If you live together, do household chores, if you are colleagues, have lunch together, if you are friends, go shopping, relax in a bar.
Pay attention. Friendly looks, smiles, light touches will have a positive impact.
Keep the good times in your mind spending time together, remember why this person attracts you so much.
Forget and don't hold grudges, forgive and don’t think about the bad things in your partner
Focus on your partner's wishes. Give small gifts: treat them to ice cream, go to a movie.
Come up with traditions. You can go out with your family on Sundays for a picnic, with friends you can exchange books once a month, with colleagues you can have a “tea ceremony.” Any habits or traditions, if followed for a long time, bring us closer together.
Give in to each other. Let your partner make a choice, trusting - the relationship will become more soulful. Start by taking small steps, for example, “give in” in disputes, because the ability to give in is the basis of mutual understanding.
Don’t shy away from your partner’s problems and requests for help.. Support in Hard time business, advice, do not remain indifferent.
In case of a disagreement do not allow yourself rude remarks addressed to a partner either in personal communication or when discussing “behind one’s back.” Be tactful and correct.
At strong quarrels Never reveal your partner’s secrets to strangers.

How to restore mutual understanding in the family?

The problem of “fathers and children”, as well as the lack of mutual understanding between spouses, is formed for a long time. The prerequisite may be a crisis in a relationship or self-obsession.

How to restore mutual understanding with your husband?

To restore mutual understanding between spouses, it is worth keeping yourself in control during quarrels. Follow simple tips and then you will look at your soul mate from the good side.

Start talking to your husband again. Share your experiences, opinions about the book you read, desires or memories. Conversations help to “open up” interesting person and fall in love again.
That was more topics for discussion - start watching some movies, read books, support a hobby, find common things to do outside of everyday life. Let it be new tradition weekend, or a new joint hobby (sports, drawing, design).
Don't impose your “action plan”, give your husband more freedom in actions and decision-making.
Don't nag for misdeeds and do not reproach for wrong decisions. the main task- do comfortable conditions to change the situation in better side. Example: don’t whine that you don’t have enough money - help me find it profitable offer work or help climb the career ladder; don’t scold that you often meet with friends - find interesting activity for him in the family circle and become his best friend.
Share your experiences and listen to your husband’s experiences. Don't remain indifferent, support. Do not conceal grievances, gently reporting the mistake, without reproaches or quarrels.
Diversify your sex life . This kind of release with new passion will bring a lot positive emotions on boring days.

How to restore mutual understanding with children?

The problem of loss of mutual understanding in the family is between parent and child. Find family understanding You can find a “common language” with your child and become like-minded comrades.

The search for mutual understanding with a teenage child is necessary for his psychological development, education of true values and ethics of social behavior.

There are tips that will help achieve mutual understanding with children of any age:

Love and accept your child as he is. Talk more often, let your child know that you care about him. With good ones, and with bad grades, after an offense and a wrong decision, fuel love with care, understanding and tenderness. Hugging more often – it brings you closer together.
Don't lie and keep promises. The child must be confident in the firmness of your words and intentions.
Listen. If a child shares his impressions and talks to you, this is important for him. In response, you need mom or dad to speak out and show interest. Express your opinion, express your experiences. Conduct an active dialogue about the child’s affairs and feelings, about what surrounds, worries or pleases.
Give the right to do what you like. Don't stop goals and aspirations in your child's life.
Don't run to help where he can handle it himself, allow him to make mistakes.
Openness in relationships, trust. Accept that parents are wrong. They must admit mistakes to the child and take responsibility for lies. Don’t hide the details of your life from your child: let him know how and with whom you work, who you are friends with, how you relax, what you dream about, what you regret. Tell us about what surrounded you at his age.
Collaborative conflict resolution. Don’t walk away from quarrels, don’t hide your grudges, and let your child do the same. Conflicts must be resolved: discuss the problem, find a way out together.
Spend more time together, do not make excuses, citing fatigue. Show interest in hobbies. With a small child you need to take more walks and go to interesting places.

Game for children preschool age– way of knowing environment: objects, animals, people. Through games, children learn creativity, absorb and reinforce behavioral foundations, develop attention, and learn to compete.

How to maintain mutual understanding?

Mutual understanding accompanies the beginning love relationship. During this period, young people can talk for hours and share their experiences.

Mutual understanding between a guy and a girl at first does not require effort to maintain. But preparing to live with a person long years V relationships of trust, it takes effort not to lose this feeling.

For a happy family life:

Continue to get to know each other. Accept the good and the bad in your partner with love, just like when you met. If your partner's new habits do not please you, do not try to change him, be patient.
Keep surprising each other, give gifts, surprises. Over the years, many people forget to please their loved ones. Pleasant trifles life together defuse the domestic situation.
Don't let yourself and your partner get fed up intimate life . Mutual understanding in sex is an important component of a happy relationship.

Keep the good and open relationship with friends, familiar circle of friends.

In order not to lose mutual understanding with friends, you need to:

"don't forget" them. Don't delay long term meetings, joint trips to the cinema and restaurants, to sporting events.
Don't refuse help. Let it be support with words, the need to listen or spend a little more time.

People spend a huge part of their time in a work environment, surrounded by colleagues and superiors. Establishing mutual understanding in a team is necessary to maintain a comfortable environment and improve performance.

Mutual understanding between employees can be established and maintained.

Follow these tips:

Avoid conflicts, quarrels, gossip. Don’t let them get involved in intrigues, “divisions” of the team and squabbles. Establish yourself as an adequate, calm, peaceful person.
Don't refuse to help your colleagues, but don’t let them push you and abuse your support.
Treat everyone equally friendly, learn to win people over.

Mutual understanding makes people more honest, relationships are kinder, and life is calmer. To be able to conquer and maintain it is the work necessary to achieve happiness and well-being, psychological and emotional comfort.

Instructions

IN relationships mess? Clean up your house. The environment that surrounds a person can influence his state of mind. Perhaps in your relationships something will become clearer if you just clean the apartment.

Why strive mutual understanding, if there are no common interests and business? Break the “iron curtain” between you and meet each other halfway. Do things together that interest you both: go to the skating rink, the cinema, the theater. Try to cook something tasty and original together, assemble a large beautiful mosaic.

Remember how your romance began, why you fell in love with your soulmate. And compare with what you expect from a relationship now. Maybe you fell in love with an image that you yourself came up with, and now you don’t like that reality doesn’t live up to your idealistic aspirations.

But even in this case, to achieve mutual understanding Can. Take a close look at your spouse. What actually doesn’t suit you about him, what causes your irritation? Now focus on its merits. Think about whether your incontinence in small things is worth losing such a person. good man.

Come to an internal consensus: agree with yourself that you will not pay attention to some minor shortcomings of your partner. Mentally scroll through the scenario of how you will react to your spouse’s serious “mistakes.” Program yourself for the role that seems right to you.

Don't keep your emotions to yourself, express them openly. Of course, in calm, restrained tones. Verbal communication was invented by humanity so that people would better understand each other. Who will understand you if you remain silent and hoard everything within yourself?

Video on the topic

Helpful advice

Get a pet and care for it together. This will greatly strengthen your emotional connection.

Mutual understanding is a characteristic of relationships that implies mutual acceptance and, in some cases, forgiveness of each other’s shortcomings, the ability to compromise and attention to the needs of the partner. By definition, mutual understanding is impossible if one of the partners refuses to follow these principles, therefore, in order to achieve harmony in the relationship, all participants must show patience and respect for each other.

Instructions

Start a common cause that will require the efforts of each of you. This could be a common business, creative or other project in which all participants will have equal voting rights. The possibility of leaving the project should be almost excluded or associated with great discomfort for the person leaving. In this case, willy-nilly, everyone will have to put up with the shortcomings of their partners.

Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Analyze his point of view, logic of actions. Justify his mistakes. At some point, you yourself will make mistakes and will need forgiveness and understanding from him.

Spend more time together. Attend cultural events: concerts, performances, exhibitions... share your impressions, express your opinion and listen to your interlocutor, especially if his point of view is opposite to yours.

Learn each other's habits. Give small gifts periodically, even for no reason. Show attention to your partner.

Be sincere in your desire to achieve mutual understanding. Falseness in the manifestation of signs of attention is felt especially strongly, so act from pure heart and without any thought of possible reward.

Video on the topic

Many wives decide to file for divorce when there is no mutual understanding with husband. But before the wedding it seemed that you were one whole, you had many common interests, and what lies ahead long life in love and harmony. But a marriage can still be saved if you put effort into it, feminine wisdom and patience.

Instructions

Understand his psychology. Men are different, they think and feel differently. Because of this, there may be no understanding. A man doesn’t treat your efforts, requests, your experiences the way you want, not because he doesn’t care, but because he’s wired differently. Jack Gray talks about this well in his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”

Don't limit or control your husband. For a man great importance has his freedom. It is very important for him to be alone with his thoughts and do what he loves. If he wants to meet with his friends once a week, allow him to do so in order to achieve mutual understanding with him. You can also go with your friends to a cafe, sign up for Gym or find a new hobby.

Accept your husband for who he is. Don't try to change your husband to suit you. Every person has his own shortcomings. Since you married this person, it means you like certain qualities in him. So try to see only the good in him, turning a blind eye to the shortcomings. If you seriously don't like some of his actions, then calmly talk to husband and explain in detail what you want from it and why it is needed.

Don't harbor a grudge against your husband. If you spend all the time accumulating all the negativity in yourself, then achieve mutual understanding with husband it won't work. At one point you will break down and

There are many miracles in the world,

Man is the most wonderful of them all.

Sophocles

Relationships are the most important thing in a person's life. Without them, a person is nothing.

We are all involved in relationships. In essence, we are all constantly in relationship with everything and everyone.

We are in a reciprocal relationship with ourselves. With our family, with our environment, with our work and with each other.

All our knowledge and experiences about ourselves are perceived by us in connection with our relationships. This is why relationships are so important to a person and have such an impact on their happiness.

A person can only know himself through relationships with other people. For a person to be happy, certainty is necessary to some extent, i.e. a person must be aware of himself, but without society this cannot be achieved.

A person can only see in himself what he sees in other people. Mutual understanding, harmony, a feeling of support, opportunities for self-realization in this world, a sense of one’s significance for the world, a desire for activity, a desire to live life to the fullest- this is what can make a person happy.

However, all this cannot be achieved alone. Only by being part of society, relying on the support of other people, can you get closer to this impermanent feeling.

On the contrary, a person must think about what he can give, what he can create, what he can make real.

Mutual understanding between people is the key to happiness. This is a closed process, because it is impossible to understand ourselves without communicating with other people, but at the same time, how can we get to know another person without understanding ourselves?

The existence of all things is created with the participation of the word. Whatever language you speak, your intentions are expressed through words.

The word is power, a powerful ability of a person to express himself and communicate, to achieve mutual understanding in society.

However, the word is the most powerful tool of man. Like a double-edged sword, it can produce amazing beautiful dream, and destroy everything around. One facet is the abuse of words, which creates real hell.

The other is the precision of the word, creating beauty and love, achieving mutual understanding. Therefore, in order for a person to be happy, it is necessary to strive for impeccability in his words, try to express his feelings as clearly as possible, so as not to hurt others.

However, the importance of language for happiness can also be debated, because often people cannot express in words what they truly feel and want to express; words cannot be completely trusted. Will your feelings look artificial when framed by words?

When we're talking about about such complex and multifaceted concepts as love and fidelity, language turns out to be even less accurate. In addition, behind many linguistic expressions there are long threads of human complexes.

Sometimes some outwardly completely harmless phrase can evoke a whole range of negative emotions in a person. Therefore, if a person wants to find happiness, then he must understand how useless language is in this sense and how important our feelings and true desires are for this.

A man may tell a lie, but his eyes cannot lie. Sometimes you need to look into a person’s eyes and understand something that you cannot express, even if you are a great writer.

If a person wants to achieve mutual understanding in society and happiness, then he needs to be balanced, patient, he needs to learn to forgive, believe and hope.

A person needs to learn to open up to other people, be able to listen to a person, try to help, and not pour out a stream of his problems on others and not expect instant help.

However, the main place in solving the problem of mutual understanding between people is played by the person himself. Therefore, if a person has some problems in communication, then there is no need to blame the whole White light, but first of all you should look into your soul.

Since the attitude towards life is the result of our internal state, our attitude and life positions. If a person is ruled by peace and love, this will be his attitude towards the world around him, towards life and towards other people.

Inappropriate relationship with outside world and essentially despotic relationships with other people are a consequence of internal failures and problems. A person often demands from life and other people that they meet his standards and standards, his idea of what is right and what is wrong.

And when reality does not harmonize with human ideas, then a feeling of anger, annoyance, unhappiness and disappointment appears.