How to find mutual understanding in family relationships? Mutual understanding in relationships

We are in the clouds and dreaming, and the working day flies by unnoticed, and even the disgruntled grumbling of the boss cannot spoil our mood. After all, in the evening we are waiting for romantic date!

But time goes on inexorably, people become closer, open up to each other and get to know each other better, and sooner or later any serious relationship approach their critical point. It seems that love has not gone anywhere, but the passion faded a little, affection appeared, and some unpleasant moments began to appear in a loved one. We begin to notice his shortcomings, habits that irritate us, and so on. And in this case, maintaining love is a difficult matter, but necessary if you want your relationship to always be bright, interesting, and not boring and insipid, steadily leading to a break. Usually, according to scientists, such a turning point occurs three years after the beginning of the novel. In three years, any love will exhaust itself, and either love will come to replace it, or the paths of the former lovers will go in different directions.

So what to do if there is no mutual understanding with your loved one? Many psychologists and various specialists in family relations believe that it is possible to revitalize a relationship with kind words for a loved one. You need to praise your chosen one (darling) more often, praise for all his (her) successes, and say these words quite sincerely, flattery in such a matter is completely inappropriate! Your loved one decided to surprise you and prepared dinner? Even if the dish is burnt and generally cooked incorrectly, it does not matter, because he tried for you! So don't skimp on good words thank him, show him how important it is to you! You will make a person pleasant, and such situations bring lovers together, awaken feelings in them. And if you yourself have the opportunity to somehow please your loved one, make it easier for him to do some household chores, do not miss the chance and show how you love him and take care of him. And do not forget to compliment your loved one, emphasize the femininity of your chosen one and masculine qualities your partner. Make compliments just like that, for no reason, but again, do not forget about sincerity in relationships with your loved one.

Also, in order to maintain mutual understanding, it is very important to bring something new and bright into the relationship, not to succumb to the gray routine. This is especially true for those couples who live together after a difficult labor day come home squeezed like a lemon. As a rule, in the evening there is no strength left for anything, and for working week people get so tired that they spend the whole weekend aimlessly lying on the couch with the TV remote control in their hands. In this case, it would be nice to gather strength and change the situation. Invite your girlfriend to the cinema or a restaurant, arrange for her romantic evening Don't be lazy and prepare something special for her! You can go to some memorable place for both of you, which will bring back pleasant memories of the past. Often the place where you first met or kissed is very good. Believe me, as soon as you pull yourself together and go somewhere with your loved one, your fatigue will disappear as if by hand! That mischievous feeling of young love will return to you again.

Many people, having passed the “candy-bouquet” period, completely forget that gifts are given not only on New Year and birthday. small and nice gifts always appropriate! Especially selected with soul, with heart, with a sincere desire to surprise a loved one, to cheer him up. Do something nice for your soul mate, give her some nice little thing, and you will see that even such a small and, in general, simple step can significantly revive your relationship with your loved one.

Often, lovers who have been dating and living together for a long time become so used to each other that they have practically no strong desire constantly touching a loved one. More precisely, this desire is there, but it is no longer so pronounced. But everyone is pleased with the gentle touch of a loved one! A gentle relaxing massage is especially pleasant, which is able to give the body a long-awaited rest after a busy day. And it would be great if the lovers did not spare time for fleeting kisses and hugs, because physical contact, as proven by scientists, contributes to rapprochement and mutual understanding! Thus, you can combine business with pleasure.

For mutual understanding with a loved one, oddly enough, it is very important that lovers do not forget about themselves, about their self-esteem and their development. We often give ourselves to love, dedicating everything free time object of our adoration, we completely forget about ourselves and then complain, then they don’t like us, they don’t understand us. But in order to remain interesting, you need to love yourself and do something for yourself! If you have any hobbies, don't give them up, do them, develop your skills, don't miss the chance to get promoted at work. It is very useful to have some hobbies that your partner does not share, and which you can do alone or with like-minded friends.

After all, if you always have some corner of your own, some special atmosphere of your own, you will always be attractive to your partner! But it’s not difficult at all, to constantly remain new and a little unusual. Just do what you love with pleasure, intoxicatingly! Remember that it is simply necessary to go beyond relationships, first of all, in order to maintain a fresh look at relationships with your loved one, and also to pay due attention to your loved one and, of course, how to miss your beloved half.

Pavel writes - I'm 22, like an adult, but I don't know how to find mutual understanding in a relationship? We've been married for a year now and we're expecting a baby. The wife is at home maternity leave, looks after the house, she is a golden mistress. I work, I am not a sociable person, I spend my free time and weekends with my beloved at home. But... I have my own musical group, I write lyrics, I love music very much, I play the guitar. And not everything is perfect here. Once a week, just for a few hours, I go to rehearsal. From which my wife just "goes crazy." Can't find a place for myself when I'm about to leave. If I write at home, I get terribly offended. But I live for music, that's all for me! And for her, the meaning is in the family. How can I explain to her that my life is a little different? There was a scandal today. Help advice!

Dear Pavel. A person behaves akin to "going crazy", most often because of the fear of losing someone. In your case, your spouse is probably jealous of your music lessons. It sounds strange, but jealousy is an insane, uncontrollable state. common sense. Out of the blue and in just a year of relationship, it will not arise - rather, the feeling of jealousy has been familiar to your wife for a long time. Surely you noticed manifestations, but closed your eyes, explaining women's whims and quirks. But when the main hobby in your life was under threat, they did not expect and were confused.

How to achieve mutual understanding?

Communication. Ask:

Who is she jealous of? And why, including?
What consequences of jealousy has she experienced before?
who has ever been jealous of her? And how did it end?
Are there people around her who are jealous of each other?
what does jealousy save her from? What use does she find in it?

Or just talk to her warmly and sincerely about jealousy, what is she afraid of? But be careful. During pregnancy nervous system women, simply put, "on edge". And instead of a confidential conversation, irritation and hysteria can happen. Offer to see a psychologist, but do not explain that psychological help She needs it, but in order to save your family. Don't stand aside yourself. Any situation is always created by two, or all of its participants. So your contribution is there too. You can probably guess what it is.

Family is a daily work, which consists in love, respect, care, help, search for common facets, new sensations, creation of material and spiritual comfort.

Do your actions look the same or different?

How to find mutual understanding in a relationship? And for what: so that the wife would leave alone and let her go to rehearsals, or to become closer to each other? Think about the first answer that comes to mind...

A practical tool to help you find mutual language with the people you need and are important to you.

People often ask a psychologist a question, how to build relationships how to resolve a conflict, how to negotiate. And every time a person is asked what the problem is, he talks about the fact that his opponent is doing something wrong. At the same time, everything that he does himself, the person considers right.

In fact, in any conflict situation, in any relationship in general, there are always two sides involved. And if a conflict arises, then the responsibility equally lies on one and the other side. Both you and your opponent can make concessions, somehow change their behavior, and accordingly, in some way find mutual understanding and improve your relationship.

There is an exercise that allows you to look at the conflict situation and the relationship in general with different parties feel and understand the interests of the opponent, look at yourself from the outside, and change your behavior in better side.
This exercise can be performed both sitting and standing. But the best option- take three chairs and place them in such a way that two of them stand opposite each other, and the third - as if from the side.

First place will your,
Second - your opponent,
And the third - bystander.

The position of an outsider

First of all, imagine the situation that is happening between you, and look at it from the side, sitting in the place of the observer. If you can’t perceive the situation unemotionally, you can imagine that everything is happening on the screen of a cinema or TV. I mean, it's just a movie.

Look at how you react and act in a given situation, look at what your opponent is doing. Then think about how to change your behavior, what can be improved, and write down yours on paper.

own position.

Then go to your place and imagine your opponent in front of you, remember the situation, and look at it with your own eyes. You remember all your feelings, emotions, look at your opponent's behavior from your side, and think about how this situation can be improved. Write down your thoughts.

After that, sit down again in the place of the observer and look at the situation from the side, like a movie. Notice what you notice after looking at the situation with your own eyes. Think about what you could improve and write it down.

Opponent position

Then sit on your opponent's chair and try to associate with his interests, with his feelings, sensations. Now you are looking at this whole situation, and at yourself in particular, already through his eyes. Pay attention to how your actions look from his point of view, why he also supports this conflict. Think, on his part, how you can change your behavior, what he can do in order to improve the situation, and write down these answers on paper.

Then sit down again in the chair of an outside observer and observe your situation from the side. See what has changed in this situation, how it can be improved. Analyze everything that the participants in the conflict wrote, create your own recommendations.

Conclusions - Optimal Behavior

This can be done 2-3 times, having been in the role of each of the parties. After that, you will be able to feel your opponent well, his interests, his feelings, emotions. Can be used every time various options behavior. That is, you ask the question what would happen if it were like this, you do the technique and check the result of such a development of events. And in this way you can literally in 20-30 minutes better understand loved one , find the best behavior for a given situation, and then implement it in life.

The lack of mutual understanding manifests itself in the form of a lack of respect from loved ones, trust with children, good relations with colleagues. Efforts are needed to change the situation

What is mutual understanding?

Mutual understanding between people is a coincidence of judgments and views, finding solutions in conflict situations. The foundation of a long-term relationship is mutual understanding.

Without mutual understanding, the existence of a working relationship, love or friendship is impossible. It is important for a person to feel the support of like-minded people in case of quarrels or conflicts. Mutual understanding is the main assistant on the way to success.

IN family relationships mutual understanding makes it easy to go through joint difficulties, while maintaining family comfort and a calm atmosphere. If at the beginning of a relationship mutual understanding arises by itself, then in the process family life he is supported by all family members.

Mutual understanding and friendship are inseparable concepts The ability to forgive, patience and support are the main parameters friendly relations and mutual understanding.

Reasons for the lack of understanding

The problem of mutual understanding can be present in any type of relationship. If mutual understanding disappears, then the relationship falls apart. Finding the causes of what is happening will help to collect them bit by bit.

Establishing the cause of the loss of mutual understanding:

Selfishness and obsession with self-interest.
Neglect of the opinion of a partner.
Misunderstanding of the words, actions of the partner.
The desire to impose an opinion on a partner, unreasonable entry into disputes.
Inability to find a compromise, be flexible and avoid conflicts.
Inability to listen and hear.
There is a big difference in the level of education / upbringing / intellectual development, when it becomes more difficult to find a “common language” over the years.

An attentive attitude towards a partner will help to establish mutual understanding. H wait quick results- obsession with the problem of mutual understanding in relationships can aggravate the current situation.

For an easy path to agreement, here are some tips on how to achieve mutual understanding:

Talk about everything more often. Share thoughts, tell news, discuss books and movies. Speak more frankly.
Find things to do. If you live together - do household chores, if colleagues - have lunch together, if friends - go shopping, relax in a bar.
Pay Attention. Friendly glances, smiles, light touches will have a positive impact.
Keep happy moments in mind spending time together, remember why this person attracts you so much.
Forget and don't hold grudges, goodbye and do not think about the bad that is in the partner
Focus on your partner's needs. Make small gifts: treat them to ice cream, go to a movie.
Come up with traditions. You can go on a picnic with your family on Sundays, with friends you can exchange books once a month, with colleagues you can arrange a “tea ceremony”. Any habits or traditions, if followed for a long time, bring together.
Give in to each other. Let your partner make a choice, trusting - the relationship will become more sincere. Start by taking small steps, such as “give in” to arguments, because the ability to give in is the basis of mutual understanding.
Do not deny your partner's problems and requests for help. Keep in Hard time deed, advice, do not remain indifferent.
In case of a disagreement do not allow yourself rude remarks to the partner, neither in personal communication, nor in the discussion "behind the back." Be tactful and correct.
At strong quarrels never reveal your partner's secrets to strangers.

How to restore mutual understanding in the family?

The problem of "fathers and children", as well as the lack of mutual understanding between spouses, is formed for a long time. The prerequisite may be a crisis in a relationship or self-obsession.

How to restore mutual understanding with your husband?

To restore mutual understanding between spouses, it is worth keeping yourself in hand during quarrels. Follow simple advice and then you look at your soul mate from the good side.

Start talking to your husband again. Share experiences, opinions about the book you read, desires or memories. Conversations help to "discover" interesting person and fall in love again.
That was more themes for discussion - start watching movies, read books, support hobbies, find common things outside of everyday life. Let it be new tradition weekend, or a new joint hobby (sports, drawing, design).
Don't impose your "plan of action", give your husband more freedom in actions and decision-making.
Do not "saw" for misconduct and do not reproach for wrong decisions. the main task- do comfortable conditions to change the situation for the better. Example: do not whine that there is not enough money - help find profitable offer work or help climb the career ladder; do not scold that you often meet with friends - find interesting activity for him in the family circle and become the best friend.
Share experiences and listen to your husband's feelings. Don't be indifferent, support. Do not hold back grievances, gently reporting the oversight, without reproaches and quarrels.
Diversify your sex life . This kind of relaxation with a new passion will bring a lot positive emotions on boring days.

How to restore mutual understanding with children?

The problem of loss of mutual understanding in the family is between the parent and the child. You can gain family understanding by finding a “common language” with the child, becoming congenial comrades.

The search for mutual understanding with a teenage child is necessary for his psychological development, education of true values and ethics of social behavior.

Here are some tips to help you get along with kids of all ages:

Love and accept your child for who they are.. Speak more often, let the child know what is dear to you. With good ones, and with bad grades, after a misconduct and a wrong decision, feed love with care, understanding and tenderness. Hug more often - it brings you closer.
Don't lie and keep your promises. The child must be sure of the firmness of your words and intentions.
Listen. If a child shares his impressions, talks to you - this is important for him. In response, you need mom or dad to speak out, show interest. State your opinion, express your feelings. Lead active dialogue about the affairs and feelings of the child, about what surrounds, worries or pleases.
Give yourself permission to do what you love. Do not stop the goals and aspirations in the life of a child.
Don't run to help where he can handle himself, let me make mistakes.
Openness in relationships, trust. Accept that your parents are wrong. They must admit mistakes to the child, be responsible for the lies. Do not hide the details of your life from the child: let him know how and with whom you work, with whom you are friends, how you relax, what you dream about, regret. Talk about what surrounded you at his age.
Joint conflict resolution. Do not walk away from quarrels, do not hide resentment, and let your child do the same. Conflicts must be resolved: discuss the problem, find a way out together.
Spend more time together, do not make excuses, referring to fatigue. Show interest in hobbies. With a small child, you need to walk more, get out to interesting places.

Game for children preschool age- way of knowing environment: objects, animals, people. Through games, children learn creativity, absorb and reinforce behavioral foundations, develop attention, and learn to compete.

How to maintain mutual understanding?

Mutual understanding accompanies the beginning love relationships. During this period, young people can talk for hours, share experiences.

Mutual understanding of a guy with a girl at first does not require effort to maintain. But getting ready to live with a man long years V trusting relationship, it takes effort not to lose this feeling.

For a happy family life:

Keep getting to know each other. Accept the good and the bad in a partner with love, as when meeting. If the new habits of your half do not please you, do not try to redo it, be patient.
Keep surprising each other, make gifts, surprises. Many over the years forget to please their loved ones. Pleasant trifles life together destroy the home environment.
Don't let yourself and your partner get fed up intimate life . Mutual understanding in sex is an important component of a happy relationship.

keep good and open relationship with friends, the usual social circle.

In order not to lose mutual understanding with friends, you need to:

"don't forget" them. Don't delay for long term meetings, joint trips to the cinema and restaurants, to sporting events.
Don't refuse help. Let it be support with words, the need to listen or give a little more time.

A huge part of the time people spend in a working environment, surrounded by colleagues and superiors. It is necessary to establish mutual understanding in the team to maintain a comfortable environment and improve performance.

Mutual understanding between employees can be established and maintained.

Follow the tips:

Avoid conflicts, quarrels, gossip. Do not let them get involved in intrigues, "separation" of the team and squabbles. Establish yourself as a person adequate, calm, peaceful.
Don't hesitate to help your colleagues, but don't let them push and abuse support.
Treat everyone equally Learn to win people over.

Mutual understanding makes people more honest, relationships are kinder, and life is calmer. To be able to win and maintain it is the work necessary to achieve happiness and well-being, psychological and emotional comfort.

In relationships between people, mutual understanding is practically everything. A person learns himself through communication with his family, with others, with work. In fact, people are constantly in relationship with everything and everyone and cannot do without mutual understanding. That is why finding with others is quite important. Thinking about mutual understanding - what it is and why it is needed, it is worth remembering that this is a process that helps to understand oneself through communication with other people. Therefore, if a person has problems, and it seems to him that no one understands him, you need to start with yourself and look into your soul.

Family foundation

A family cannot be strong if there are no such components as mutual respect, mutual support and understanding between the spouses. Only thanks to them such a great feeling as love can flourish for many years. If even one of these foundations is "not functioning", the relationship will be vulnerable. This can manifest itself in quarrels or in growing distrust.

Almost all the problems that arise between a husband and wife are due to a lack of mutual understanding. If you do not respond to the situation in a timely manner, there is a risk that scandals will become chronic form, and then it will be much more difficult to tune in to the same wave.

Is it possible to learn to understand each other?

This question worries not only newlyweds, but also those who, for some reason, have forgotten how to find a common language with their soul mate. Therefore, knowledge of how to achieve mutual understanding will be useful to everyone. To return peace and tranquility to the family, you will have to spend time and effort, but the result is worth it.

Revelation Evenings

As a rule, household chores, work and caring for children exhaust the spouses so much that in the evening they only want silence. There is practically no time left for each other, and the husband and wife stop sharing their opinions. This alienates them and creates misunderstanding. To correct this state of affairs, it is necessary to arrange evenings of revelations, when the spouses will be completely focused on each other. How does mutual understanding arise? You can make plans, share your experiences and thoughts, dedicate a soul mate to your own dreams, or resolve accumulated conflicts.

All conversations must be conducted in a calm, friendly tone, without turning to insults and not making claims. You need to speak directly, but express your wishes gently. The interlocutor should not feel important to let him know that the main goal is to find a compromise.

One conversation - one problem

Many spouses do typical mistake, which leads to complete collapse: they “throw out” at each other all the negativity that has accumulated over long time, at every quarrel. Mutual understanding in relations in this case is unlikely to be achieved. The couple must clearly remember the main rule for themselves: one conversation solves one problem. You should not recall all the insults, this will cause the interlocutor to be aggressive and want to defend himself. that's unlikely to happen.

What does the partner want?

Thinking about mutual understanding - what is it and how to restore it, spouses often forget that a partner also has desires. By asking what your soulmate wants, you can solve many problems. But other people's needs and desires must be taken seriously, without joking or belittling their importance. As practice shows, all of them are doable, it is enough to realize that for a partner this has great importance. Then he, in return, will want to do something good and will value his family more. If you speak the same language, it will be much easier for the couple to achieve mutual understanding.

Talk about relationships!

Hushing up problems and creating the illusion of happiness is a disastrous thing. Someday the negative will still break through, but it will be much more difficult to understand each other. You need to talk about relationships, indicating the problem as soon as it appears. Then quarrels will not grow like a snowball.

Why does misunderstanding occur?

Trying to understand mutual understanding - what it is and how it arises, it is necessary to realize that "mutually" is a kind of balance. You can’t just receive without giving anything in return, so the formula “I - to you, you - to me” should underlie any relationship.

So that the family develops harmoniously and the spouses successfully cope with crisis periods, you need to understand that all people are individuals, and they have their own advantages and disadvantages. Don't project your own thoughts onto others. You must accept them and not try to change them.

Conflicts can arise when one of the spouses ceases to respect the interests and needs of the other. Such a position will negatively affect the relationship and will be the first step towards misunderstanding. You should always remember that ignoring brings dissatisfaction and irritation, which sooner or later will "fall" on your soulmate.

Sometimes spouses do not attach importance to trifles and do not worry about small disagreements. But everything big starts with small things, and you should not forget about it. You can always find a compromise and understand the motivation of the second half, but for this you need to show wisdom, patience and stop betting own interests in first place.

When the family is worried moments of crisis, mutual understanding and respect will become the base that will help save the relationship. Therefore, it is so important to learn not only to listen, but also to hear each other. Frequent conflicts are a dangerous signal, which means that the couple should devote more time to problems and try to understand why this is happening.

What prevents you from understanding each other?

Mutual understanding between people depends on many factors. Creating families, partners are sure that they will live happily ever after, because at the time of painting, the relationship is strong, and difficulties seem to be trifles of life. But over time, the situation changes a little, because the feelings are no longer so bright, and the passion has subsided a little. It is no longer necessary to spend every second nearby and it is not so scary to offend your soulmate as before. It is this period that becomes the beginning of the crisis.

Psychologists not only talk about how mutual understanding arises, but also identify the main reasons that lead to the fact that a couple ceases to understand each other:

When one of the spouses begins to think about mutual understanding - what is it and how to restore trust and respect - this is the first step to success. Family is a daily work that brings pleasure if people love each other.