Secrets of a happy relationship with a man. “Together for centuries”: the secrets of a happy relationship

What do we women need to be happy? Each of us at this stage of life, of course, has our own understanding of happiness. But, of course, we all agree on one thing: of course, we need loved ones, harmonious relationships with a man.

But how to create them, how to realize your desire? For some, a patriarchal marriage may be suitable: the man is the boss of the house, do as he says, be obedient, have children, run the household, and everything will be OK. Or matriarchal: you need to build it, mold it “from what was,” customize it for yourself, so that all your desires are fulfilled, and then there will be happiness. Or - open relationship, no one owes anyone anything and everyone is free. All of these options, of course, have their advantages: partners can solve each other’s problems, and this can be mutually beneficial, convenient, comfortable and prosperous. But happiness and well-being are not the same thing.

Happiness- this is participation in something greater than yourself, the opportunity to feel whole, united with your loved one and at the same time - to be yourself. This is precisely the opportunity that is given by the close relationships of two equal people, built on the basis of trust, sincerity, acceptance, responsibility, and love. It is in such relationships that we develop and grow, we can fully realize ourselves as a woman, and give a man the care and warmth that he needs from us.

In order to create such relationships, fill them with love, you need, first of all,... Yes, yes, to love, but not in the sense of selfishness, but in the sense of taking care of yourself as a woman, being filled with joy and pleasure. After all, if we are in a harmonious state and enjoy ourselves and life, men want to be close to us, admire us, want to do something nice for us. If we do not become dependent on a man, do not beg for his attention and care, they themselves take care of us.

If we are filled with pleasure and want to share it, men also want to give us pleasure. Nobody likes when something is asked or demanded from him, everyone loves when it is given to them! And when you understand that everything depends on you, that it’s not “the wrong men come across”, but something is wrong with you and that it can be changed - this is the first step towards creating a happy relationship.

How can you fill yourself up and enter this wonderful state? First of all, be in touch with yourself, know and feel what you need in all plans. To be in contact with the body, to be not in “thinking” and in feelings and emotions all the time, but to relax, feel your body, develop sensitivity, accept your body as it is, enjoy dancing, touching the skin, swimming in the sea or river, muscle training, everything you do.

And when you live so deliciously and feel what your body needs and develop its flexibility, strength, its limitless abilities and skills, when you know its desires and tell a man about them, he will gladly fulfill them, he will feel just as delicious next to him. you. A sensual, enjoying woman is just his!

When you are in the body, you better feel your feminine energy, which attracts men so much. For the development of both bodily abilities and energy potential, tantra practices, belly-dance, Latin, and body-oriented therapy exercises are very suitable for relaxation and health. It’s even better to use all these methods in combination. And this is two more steps towards a man: to be in the body and to be in energy.

Another step is to be in touch with your feelings and emotions, express them, but preferably in an “ecologically in a clean way”(not “on the head” of a person). After all, emotions are the main “item” of expenditure of our feminine energy and what interferes with relationships (jealousy, resentment, anger,...). There are psychological practices for transformation negative emotions into positive ones. Then you will be able to think positively and attract the same positive events into your life!

If we are careful about our inner world, to our soul and “feed” it exactly what it needs, if we feel our inner Woman(psychologists call her Anima) and the Man (Animus) and harmonize their relationship, then we can build a harmonious relationship with our beloved man. And at the same time, harmony between feelings, body, mind and soul is necessary. If you are attracted to some man, and at the same time the thoughts arise: “This is wrong. Not now! He is not the one I need,” the body cannot agree with the mind. The mind builds its own patterns and “throws out” everything that does not fit into them. But life is much larger and more multifaceted than a diagram, which is why it is interesting.

If you know your true (not invented, not imposed on you) desires, you can fully realize them. And, perhaps, if you are now alone, you don’t necessarily need a man to realize them now. On the contrary, when you implement them, men will “catch up.” And in order to choose the man you need from them, you need to very clearly imagine what kind of man and what kind of relationship you want, that is, create an intention. But - attention! This practice does not work if you are not in a calm, relaxed, harmonious state, if you doubt “will it work?”, if you are worried and waiting. And it will definitely work if you are happy and enjoy yourself. And this is another step towards the desired relationship!

And, if you have finally met your man, it would be good to clarify his desires. Men are different creatures, different from us women. They differ physiologically, emotionally, psychologically. In Eastern practices there is this image: a man is fire, it quickly lights up and goes out quickly, a woman is water, it starts up slowly, but then you can’t stop her, she’s an element! Knowing this and feeling your man, you can learn to “light up” faster and give him more sensual pleasures, plunging him into a “sea of tenderness.” You can learn to combine it and your desires; this is exactly what Taoist and tantric practices teach. Then yours intensifies and fills both, a harmonious exchange occurs.

It is very important if you get to know your man more and more, if you trust him, allow him to take care of you, if you share his life goals and have common values. This is the foundation on which close relationships are built. After all, our main task as women is to give love and care to a man, to admire him, to create an atmosphere for him to live. Love is what we learn and what we discover in ourselves, filling both ourselves and loved one.

I wish you love and a happy relationship!

Yana Sokolova – psychologist, trainer, consultant, master of yoga and Tantra, body-oriented therapist, instructor in the Vagiton system. (http://yanawings.ru/treningi/imbilding)

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The common belief that dissimilar people make happy couples is not supported by research. Things can flare up between such people passionate novels, but they are fleeting and do not stand the test of time.

At first, those with opposite characters and habits may be interested in each other, but the traits that were admired at first begin to irritate over time.

If you are a disciplined person who loves order, then your partner’s spontaneity in the first months seems to you to be the missing quality to balance your own too predictable life. But a little time will pass, and you will see this as a sign of irresponsibility.

The more similarities in character, everyday habits, and hobbies there are, the greater the chances of building long-term relationships.

2. Take your time

Sometimes relationships fall apart because we rush things too quickly, not having time to go through all the stages of rapprochement. Trying to speed things up gives the illusion of closeness and can play a cruel joke on us.

Indeed, on the one hand, the time that must pass before we enter sexual relations, depends not on the number of dates, but on how comfortable and psychologically safe we feel with our partner. On the other hand, recklessly rushing into the flow of feelings, we evaluate a person uncritically. It is better to start a long-term relationship with friendship and getting to know each other.

3. Maintain a balance between independence and the ability to rely on a partner

Independence means the ability to cope with problems on your own. Interdependence is a willingness to rely on help, which implies trust and openness. Both qualities are equally necessary. If the balance is equally comfortable for you and your partner, you will be able to build a psychologically compatible union in which both feel secure.

But if at the beginning of a relationship you feel that you do not have enough time for your own activities and interests, and dependence on a new relationship begins to weigh on you, do not rush to draw conclusions. It takes time to adapt to each other's lifestyle and rhythm. Feel free to speak openly about your needs and concerns and try to listen, understand and support your partner in turn.

4. Put the couple's interests above your own.

We live in a culture of individualism and often team up with people to pursue our own goals and interests. Which goes against the desire to find a truly deep connection. For example, you want to buy yourself a new expensive phone/bag, and at first you don’t like the idea of spending part of your savings on a joint trip. But look at the situation more broadly - time spent together and in new circumstances will make you closer and happier.

When getting married, both men and women want to be happy. However, in order to achieve harmony in relationships, it is necessary to make certain efforts. Sitting idly by, waiting for everything to work out on its own, or relying on your partner’s efforts, is stupid and unproductive. Moreover, ready-made recommendations for building happy relationships exist - all that remains is to strictly follow them. This article will reveal to you the main secrets of a happy relationship, family or romantic idyll.

No way without respect

A happy relationship is simply not possible without respect. It, of course, must be mutual. In general, respect can safely be called the basis of harmonious and happy relationships. Real love- the one that lasts for years - begins with him. But what is meant by this term? The answer is very simple and lies on the surface: an understanding attitude towards each other’s interests, beliefs, habits, judgments, life attitudes; manifestation of tolerance, taking into account the point of view on a particular problem of the chosen one, and not solely one’s own opinion.

Mutual fidelity is the second secret

If people in a marital union do not cheat on each other and do not even think about it in principle, the relationship between two such subjects has every chance of becoming very happy. A partner's infidelity is a betrayal clean water, and a betrayer cannot make anyone happy. In addition, the search for love adventures and bright emotions outside the family, even if carried out in secret, like a successfully disguised affair, can provoke a number of suspicions on the part of the injured party, an outburst of wild jealousy, and loss of trust. And all this is by no means a component of a happy relationship and harmonious connection.

Ability to control yourself

An important factor in a happy relationship between a man and a woman is restrained behavior in extreme situations- namely, in moments of quarrels, misunderstandings, life disagreements.

Quarrels between husband and wife, between lovers are common. However, they slowly but surely undermine the union of two happy hearts from the inside. During conflicts, both sides can say incredible nasty things to each other, which in a calm state of mind and spirit the tongue would not dare to voice. Then regret comes, but even emotional reconciliation is unable to eliminate the unpleasant aftertaste from phrases heard that deeply wounded the soul of the recipient. In addition, resentment can live in the heart for years, despite the apparent conclusion of peace - the offended partner is quite capable of recalling it to his chosen one at the right moment. To avoid all these unpleasant moments, it is better to learn to keep your mouth shut during periods of showdown, so as not to blurt out too much. If you can’t remain silent, just don’t go beyond what is permitted. And those who were forced to hear nasty things addressed to them from the lips of their beloved need to understand that they should not believe, much less focus on them, because what can’t you say in the heat of the moment?

The fourth secret is to listen and hear

Of course, a relationship simply cannot be happy if lovers do not know how to listen and hear each other.

You should not ignore the speeches of your other half because you are not interested or unpleasant in what they are trying to convey to you; and because your mind is occupied with much more serious problems than the trifles that interest your partner. The ability to listen to a loved one plays a colossal role in building a happy relationship. After all, when you need to speak out, you will receive similar attention to yourself and your words from your chosen one. However, you need to listen not only with your ears - it is important to delve into what your partner is saying, to show participation, to somehow react to what you hear - that is, to let your interlocutor know that he is heard and understood by you. So the ability to understand and feel the state of your loved one is very important secret happy relationships.

Sincerity and the ability to be yourself

As a rule, at the stage of meeting a representative of the opposite sex (if we like him, of course), we strive to demonstrate our best traits or even play a role, behaving in a way that is not really typical for us.

Many continue to live in masks even after marriage, wanting to preserve the relationship at any cost.

This is a completely wrong strategy! Pretending does not make the relationship happy; moreover, it tires and deprives the relationship with your lover of honesty. In the end, he deserves to see his other half in its true light, to know its real one. And we need to give him this opportunity.

The ability to be a sincere person, to be yourself, and not someone else, some unearthly ideal, is the key to a truly strong and happy relationship. Only act in in this direction should not be done after the Mendelssohn march has died down, but while you are still running around on dates with your lover. If he doesn’t accept and love you for who you are, it means you need someone else, more suitable for you. life together Human. Rest assured, there will definitely be a man who will love you, with all your “peculiarities”.

Personal freedom is a very important rule

We can say that the basis of a long-term happy relationship between a man and a woman is the personal space of each half.

Every normal person must understand that his chosen one cannot and is not obliged to be nearby all the time. He has other needs, some of his own. own interests. This should not be prevented. On the contrary, it is necessary to recognize and respect the hobbies and needs of the other half, to allow her to manage herself at her own discretion. And you should treat yourself the same way. Two people with already formed personality traits enter into a marital union. So, their relationship can only become happy if these edges are polished and multiplied.

No jealousy!

Jealousy is a feeling destructive force, capable of destroying short time even the strongest happy relationship. Moreover, this is how it acts both on its owner and on the relationships in which it takes place. A person who experiences jealousy towards his partner with or without reason is, as it were, admitting to his own complexes and lack of self-confidence. In addition, jealousy is a sign of mistrust. The partner, at a minimum, will be offended, but everything could be even worse: he is able to break off the relationship, saturated with the jealousy of the chosen one, and find a calmer, balanced replacement for him. Jealousy has no place in a happy relationship!

Secret eight - shared memories

To bring harmony and happiness to the union of two hearts, you should do something together as often as possible - something that can leave behind vivid impressions that are impossible to erase from memory. You can give as many examples as you like: traveling together, interesting excursions, hiking in the mountains or in the forest with an overnight stay, playing extreme sports; visiting the theatre, cinema, circus, art gallery; family holiday on the seashore. It is advisable to capture such moments in photographs, so that later, when enough time has passed, you will have something to remember.

Make it a common cause!

Relationships in which partners understand each other perfectly can be called happy. This is possible thanks to the acquisition of common interesting hobby or opening a joint business. If both spouses like to go fishing on Sunday, color by numbers on the weekend, or play chess, they have something to talk about and have fun arguing with each other. And husband and wife, working, so to speak, in one team for the benefit family welfare, and even more so have common topics for conversations and common interests. Moreover, every couple can easily find something they like, in which they realize themselves. The main thing is to want it.

As you can see, making your relationship with your partner happy is not so difficult. There would be a desire!

Elizaveta Babanova

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Relationship. What happens inside you when you say this word?

You feel pain from things that didn’t work out and difficult relationships that didn't lead to anything? Or... do you smile, thinking about your happy relationship and your beloved man as the main source of joy, inspiration and strength?

What rating should you give to your relationship?

Let's do a little self-diagnosis before you decide whether this article will be useful for you.

Determine where you are on the relationship scale. 0 is either the absence of a loved one, or a devastating and even destructive (even long-term) relationship, and 10 is a happy relationship (put 10 only if this is really the relationship of your dreams)? Now write down a number that reflects your relationship at the moment.

Do you like this rating?

If you give it a 2 or 3, you know for sure, and have known for quite some time, that it’s time to change something. But even if you rate your relationship a 6, 7, 8, or even a 9, that means your long-term relationship has room for improvement.

If today your relationship is:

do not feed your heart and soul with love,
are not a strong point of support for you and a powerful rear (including financial),
do not develop you as a person,
do not provide sensual pleasure,

then this article will help you start moving towards a relationship with 10 out of 10 possible points.

My experience

In my life, the support of relationships took a secondary place until recently. Perhaps because at the age of 4 my parents separated, and since childhood I had formed the false belief that a man cannot guarantee your protection. Personal qualities, professional skills, relatives and true friends in my life with my mother were much more significant support than my dad. A happy relationship between a man and a woman was generally poorly imagined in my mind.

Besides, my family has a very strong feminine- In most families, women occupy a leading position.

Having arrived in the USA, I did not have the goal of getting married successfully, like many girls who go abroad. I purposefully received an education in order to stand firmly on my own feet and did not look for the secrets and laws of happy relationships. Over the course of 10 years, I first strengthened the pillars of personal and , environment, and then spiritual support.

This doesn't mean I haven't had relationships. They were there, but more often than not they accompanied my growth, rather than being its source. I’ll say even more: until last year, relationships were not a top priority for me.

But one day I realized that I still needed a relationship. This happened at a time when I had already realized myself as a person and a professional. I had several theological schools behind me and the experience of rather difficult relationships with men that did not end in success. I already knew how to distinguish true desires from false ones, formed by the experiences of my environment. And it was thanks to this that I realized what kind of relationship I needed. And what became a discovery for me was that I decided to give up my leadership positions and fill myself with feminine energy. After this decision, a profound transformation began. And I thought about how to build happy long-term relationships.

Either happy or not at all

Over time, I realized that a woman like me can either be in a happy relationship or not be in one at all.

For many years, I have observed that women in unhappy relationships have a much worse life than unmarried women who are fulfilled in other areas and have a wonderful environment. Building long-term relationships is very difficult for them, and takes away energy from them that they could spend on implementation in other areas of life. Therefore, I followed the path of the latter - I chose conscious loneliness instead of relationships that were inferior in my understanding.

But I also saw other women. Realized in the family, filled with feminine energy, more balanced. Their lives seemed more fulfilling to me. And the relationship did not interfere, but on the contrary, helped them successfully build a career or lead own business. Their success in a happy relationship inspired me.

The path to the relationship of my dreams was long and thorny. On this path I have done a huge amount internal work. Now I have a model for building such relationships that I teach other women.

I systematized the knowledge received from my teachers in the field of relationships, my own negative and positive experiences and saw the patterns that formed the basis of my model - 5 pillars of long-term happiness in relationships.

This model does not simply provide for the creation of a family for the sake of procreation. And the unification of men and women for their development as a single whole. I don't claim that this model will work for every woman. But if you share my beliefs and values, it will most likely be right for you.

Pareto's law guards love and understanding

Most likely, you have already heard about this law or, as it is also called, the rule.

20% of efforts give 80% of results,
and the remaining 80% of effort is only 20% of the result .

Examples of Pareto's law in life:

20% of exercises are responsible for creating an ideal figure.
We wear 20% of the clothes in our closet 80% of the time.
20% of customers bring 80% of profits.
20% of readers leave 80% of comments on articles.

This law itself explains a lot, but what does it have to do with the sphere of relationships? The answer is simple.

Secrets of harmonious long-term relationships: 5 pillars

Pillar 1. Shared values and goals

The secrets to a happy relationship start with shared values and goals. If a woman wants to grow spiritually, and a man wants to play computer games, such relationships will not last long. Most likely, such a couple will have an attractive force physical attraction, which will quickly fade away without intellectual and spiritual unity.

Do you and your loved one have common goals and values?
Have you thought about it, written it down on paper, discussed each other's vision?

If not, then look at your personal values and those of your partner. Do they match?

Targetis the answer to the question “where are we going?” (as a couple/family)

Value- this is the answer to the question “what are we going for?”

For example, imagine a relationship in which one partner wants to live small and travel around the world. And the other dreams of stability, a big cozy house, pets, and deep relationships with neighbors. Do you already see potential problems in this union?

If a man and woman do not agree on a compromise, there will be no need to talk about the success of a happy relationship. They will constantly face conflicts of interest. A compromise might be to decide to travel for 6 months and live in one place for 6 months and integrate into the local society. Otherwise, each of them will constantly feel discomfort from the fact that his desires are not realized.

Unfulfilled desires of even one partner are a guarantee of worsening relationships.

I also identify 7 levels of shared values and goals that will ensure a successful and happy relationship. There may be more, but these are the main ones:

Level 1: material survival

Example: together we save for housing, pay off the loan. The secrets of happy relationships at this level are the agreement of partners in material matters. If a woman wants to be financially protected, and a man cannot guarantee this, they are guaranteed to fail.

Level 2: physical pleasure

The guarantee of constant intimacy is one of the most powerful advantages of a long-term relationship with a t.z. physiology. However, this guarantee is not the secret to a happy relationship, it is just an advantage.

Level 3: children

Babies often bond a couple together for a time, but the mere presence of children is not a guarantee of long-term marital happiness.

Level 4: interests/hobbies

Example: we go snowboarding/attend training together personal growth. When a couple has common values at the level of personal interests, they unite at a higher level. Less effort will be needed to build long-term relationships.

Level 5: intellectual content

Often such couples have a similar or common field of activity, but not necessarily. The main thing here is mutual intellectual enrichment and development. When a couple develops intellectually together, it brings them even closer and fulfills them. Happy relationships in such couples are much more likely.

Level 6: strong emotional contact, soul connection

At this level we feel deep trust, understanding and acceptance. We are not afraid to expose our emotional states.

If there is a union at levels 5 and 6, then the partner is best friend. With him/her you are not only interested, but also emotionally safe. Each of us is susceptible to some degree external influence. If our partner creates a reliable emotional space for us, which becomes the main source of support and inspiration, then the relationship becomes very strong. There is always a clear answer to the question “How to make a relationship happy” - create an emotional connection with your partner in which you both will be an inspiration to each other.

Level 7: general spiritual practice

My personal experience and experience happy couples proves that the deepest relationships are built through shared spiritual practice. In my case, only such relationships can become my main source of both happiness and growth.

The more levels of community, the stronger the union. But only unity at the highest levels creates favorable conditions for joint development.

So, Pillar #1 - Common goals and values. Go ahead.

Pillar 2. Equal energy exchange

Women often contact me who don’t know how to “help” their men give more often expensive gifts or fully provide for them.

To get a man to give you everything he has, you need to give him something he doesn't have. Perhaps it is your spiritual strength. Perhaps this is yours feminine energy and health. Perhaps this is a family hearth. Emotional support and support. Happy relationships are only possible with equal exchange.

If you want a man to give you a lot, you also need to give him a lot. But this is not a trade exchange of gifts for gifts, but an interchange of male and female energy.

I watch some couples break up when energy metabolism not equivalent. It’s not easy to explain, but I think intuitively you have a good sense of which people you’re at an advantage with and which people you’re at a disadvantage with. And you also feel - to whom you can give something valuable, and to whom you cannot.

When one partner’s energy resource (and this includes health, personality, spirituality, and environment) is developed by 100 points, and the other by 50, each of them will feel uncomfortable.

Moreover, the one who has a resource of 50 will feel that he is giving all of himself, but the one who has a resource of 100 will not receive enough. After all, his tank will not be filled.

At the beginning of a relationship, against the backdrop of a hormonal surge, this is not felt so acutely. But over time, the difference in energy potential manifests itself and begins to weigh down.

I think that the reason and meaning of caste marriages is precisely this - so that the exchange is equal, partners are selected from a similar environment/with a similar level of education, etc. There are many examples in history when “forced” marriages turned into truly happy relationships due to an equal exchange of energy between partners.

What to do if you find yourself in an “unequal relationship”?

In order to increase your energy resource, I recommend upgrading your intellect, personal skills and engaging in spiritual practices. And for women - additionally pay attention to the development of feminine energy.

There are couples where 1+1 = 2. This is the most common type of relationship.

There is where 1+1 = 1. When the partner brings practically nothing to the relationship. Are there such couples in your circle?

And the most the best option, when 1+1 = 3. When partners strengthen each other so much that their union gives birth to something much greater than just the sum of their energies.

What option do you have?

Pillar 3. Polarity

The “man-woman” relationship is built on the tension and opposition of two energies – male and female. If a woman is in masculine energy(she takes a leadership position everywhere), she will attract a man in feminine energy into her life (he will always wait for initiative from her and will be a follower).

If feminine energy predominates in a woman, she has a chance to meet a man with a strong masculine principle.

Each of us has both energies and we can express them differently depending on the stage of development of the relationship.

In the initial period of a relationship, polarity is very pronounced for most people, which is why the first six months of physical and emotional attraction are off the charts, and the relationship seems happy. But for most couples, strong attraction fades over time.

This especially happens in couples with many children, who cease to feel like a man and a woman, but become mom and dad, practically asexual beings for each other. Naturally, there is often no need to talk about happy relationships here.

The good news is that this is one of the most easily resolved issues. Polarity, along with sexual arousal, it is much easier to return than to correct the lack of intellectual or spiritual intimacy.

By the way, there is a widespread belief that a woman wants to be led. But this applies only to dependent women who, without the presence of men in their lives, often become lost. I belong to a different category of women (and I know that most of the participants in my trainings are very complete women who are perfectly realized in this world). So, for women like us, I have supplemented this statement.

A smart woman wants (yes, yes, we sincerely want this!) to be led. But only if she agrees with where she is being led.

And this brings us back to pillar 1. Uniting on the level of values and goals is one of the most profound, transformative, fulfilling processes a couple can go through together. And now, after the goals are coordinated and the path is marked, we can surrender all our leadership positions and gladly follow our man.

Pillar 4. Psychological/emotional complementarity

This pillar contains big set qualities that reflect our thinking, character and physiology.

There are opposite, but complementary psychotypes.For example, she loves to talk, and he loves and knows how to listen. It will not be difficult to build happy and long-term relationships here. And there are opposite psychotypes: she loves to talk, and he loves silence and solitude. He is kinesthetic, and she does not like to be touched often. In this case, he will constantly receive less, and she will feel an overabundance of physical contact.

Also with emotional complementarity. This is a big topic that is beyond the scope of this article, but which we will discuss in more detail in other materials.

The problem of complementarity can also be solved, but here the work is going on at a very deep and subtle level.

For example, sometimes I have the need to fool around. As in childhood. Basically, I do serious work - helping people with complex issues, often supporting them in the process of overcoming tragedies. Turning on the inner child for me is one of the powerful ways to relax and reboot.

Emotional tension is released through laughter and ridiculous (harmless) antics. Surrendering to the childish side of my personality without fear of being rejected or misunderstood is of great value to me in the area of relationships. If my loved one did not have this quality, I would have to look for a similar way of expressing myself elsewhere, but not in our relationship. Perhaps in an acting circle. This means that “at home” I would constantly lack something and not express myself.

Do you get joy and pleasure from spending time together? If you have more fun, more pleasant, happier with other people than with your loved one, then this is worth paying attention to. After all, your life consists of the moments you spend together. The secrets of a happy relationship are complementarity.

Pillar 5. The ability to put the interests of a loved one on an equal basis with your own

And sometimes even higher than their own.

When in a couple both have desire and the ability to give, they develop very quickly and create the conditions for true happiness and long-term relationships.

If you are your loved one's number one fan and your loved one is your #1 fan, it makes an amazing team. Everyone gets a feeling of strong support and confidence that your relationship is main source strength, inspiration and support.

If there are higher levels, then a feeling of “team” appears. When two people feel like they are playing on the same team, they have a huge chance of having a happy relationship.

And this feeling is equally valuable and important for both women and men.

AND NOW IT’S IMPORTANT FOR ME TO HEAR FROM YOU!

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If you want to deeply explore the topic of relationships and deal with issues such as:

How to correctly identify values and set joint goals?
How to connect at the highest levels?
How to restore or strengthen polarity?
In what karmic reasons good/bad relationships and how to fix what's broken?
How to create a great relationship from scratch?

Come to "Farewell to the rake!" Instructions for women who want to improve their personal lives.

Love is beautiful, love is amazing, love is the best thing on this planet. But love is still a bitch. A - hard daily work.

After these words, older people will nod in agreement, and young lovers will plug their fingers into their ears and recite the film “Three Meters Above the Sky” by heart.

What can you do to make your relationship last as long as possible? Myths about love sound attractive, but what to do in reality if you want to save passionate feelings for life?

It's amazing that everyone asks how you got married. Nobody asks how you managed not to get divorced.

It turns out that research has even been conducted on this topic. Their results can be adopted and put into practice.

Online dating doesn't work

If you want to find ideal partner using some kind of computer algorithm or are going to consider the profiles of only those who have words familiar to you written in the “Interests” column, then you are doomed to failure in advance.

After all, research says: similar interests do not have a significant impact on relationships. The combined results of 313 separate studies show that your mutual love of movies won't help your marriage last longer. In 2010, the level of satisfaction of spouses was studied. It turned out that the same interests of partners do not affect this indicator in any way.

When we want to meet a copy of ourselves and live happily ever after, we make a big mistake.

Real life is completely different. Marrying someone just because he or she also likes to listen to Radiohead and cry is pretty stupid. Your compatibility affects only 1% the duration of your life together.

Problems arise for any couple. The point is how exactly you will deal with these complexities. In other words, it's not how you feel that matters. What matters is how you feel about your feelings. You need to find someone who expresses their emotions the same way you do.

Washington University professor John Gottman has presented strong evidence that this influences how long a marriage lasts. The way you behave creates an emotional template, which forms the common space of existence of the couple.

What you should be concerned about is not getting your partner to love Scarlett Johansson's acting. By choosing a spouse, you automatically get his problems. The only thing you should care about is how to build relationships in such a way that there are as few conflicts as possible.

Arguing is good

You can swear even over little things. Seriously, this is completely normal.

Scientists believe that couples who fight more often than others over the most insignificant things live a long and happy life. On the other hand, those couples who quarrel only over the most serious reasons, more likely to get divorced.

Of course, you shouldn't argue on the first date, but research says that if you've spent three years together and barely fought, you're probably on the verge of divorce.

Scientists believe that swearing and arguing are a way of showing feelings. Without them, your relationship becomes unhealthy.

You could say that Romeo and Juliet never argued. There is an answer to this too.

Romeo and Juliet are a bad example. Consider an arranged marriage

Romeo and Juliet did not fight because William Shakespeare decided to kill them long before the first conflict. This couple symbolizes so well romantic relationship only because she didn’t live to see the quarrel over unwashed dishes.

Passion is fast, captivating and easy. But relationships are love, work and labor. Instead of taking the example of Romeo, who instantly fell in love with Juliet for life, succumbing to the influence of dopamine, think about those whose marriage was arranged.

Arranged marriages are very difficult for both partners at the very beginning. But since there is nowhere to escape from the submarine, both are trying to work on what they have. Research confirms that arranged marriages are much more successful than marriages for love.

Of course, no one is advising you to enter into an arranged marriage. But it’s worth learning from these people. They cast illusions aside, realize that there is a lot of work ahead of them, and, rolling up their sleeves, begin to work on relationships.

Anything that leads to success in life will help you achieve success in marriage.

We talk so much about what needs to be done to achieve success in school or life. This will all work in relationships. Do you want your partner to be faithful to you? Devoted? Be firm. Girls, look for strong, confident guys. Men, pay attention to those women whose opinions do not change depending on the direction of the wind or the weather.

It is the firmness that helps us in life that is responsible for the ability to work on complex tasks. for a long time. Why is this important for relationships?

Researchers say that toughness helps you cope with circumstances and problems. And in marriage, problems always arise. Those who cannot solve them give up and quit relationships, jobs, and stop building a career.

Love won't last on its own. Feelings remain hot and passionate only because people work at it.

Is it possible to predict long-term relationships?

Can. To do this, you just need to ask the couple about their relationship. Yes, it's that simple.

Psychologists from the University of Washington found that the way partners describe their relationship can predict whether they will get divorced or not with 94% accuracy. You just need to pay close attention to how spouses talk about their past together.

BADLY: We had a fight. It was terrible. To be honest, Oleg behaved disgustingly.
FINE: We had a fight. It was terrible. But we discussed this later. We seem to get along even better now than before.

Every couple faces problems. The only difference is how you are going to perceive and interpret your experience. You know, it doesn’t take much intelligence to say that a quarrel is bad and Oleg is a fool. But you need to put a lot of effort into learning to appreciate not only the good moments, but also the bad ones, and to make the most of even conflicts and problems.

No one is happy running the twentieth kilometer of a marathon. But if you stop and don’t reach the finish line, you definitely won’t be happy. The taste of victory and champagne is what will make the moment truly enjoyable.

Let's sum it up

Similar interests won't help. Identical playlists will not become the basis good marriage. It's worth starting to focus on emotions.
Arguing can be useful. Negative communication is better than no communication.
A lot of work awaits you. And there is no escape from it. Don't look at Romeo and Juliet. Learn from the experience of arranged marriages.
Be firm. Devotion. Honesty. This is what it means to be firm. This is the key to success at work and in love.
Be grateful for difficulties. Tell your story, full of ups, downs and happiness from the fact that you experienced it all together.