What does a 60 year old man need? Happy women who are much younger than their men
Our reader writes that she failed to build happy and long relationship. But even now, although she has been retired for several years, she wants to find a worthy companion. How to establish a personal life after 60, says a psychologist.
Storyfox.ru
Losing a loved one is easy, but returning an emotional connection or finding an equally strong new one is not an easy task. Perhaps you should not be heroic and try to deal with a problem that seems unsolvable to you. We offer you professional help from psychologists from the Center for Successful Relationships.
You send us your story, and we publish it with expert comments. In order for us to better understand the essence of the problem, please send the most detailed (of course, as far as it is appropriate for you personally) stories. And we will do our best to good mood, harmony and peace returned to your home. Anonymity of letters is guaranteed.
We are waiting for your letters at [email protected] To prevent your letter from getting lost, please indicate "My Story" in the subject line of the letter.
- Hello! I am 63 years old. Born in a wealthy, intelligent family of a scientist and a doctor. Grandpa was a general. Since childhood, everyone was banned and beaten for the slightest bad grade, they didn’t let me go anywhere, they kept track of who I communicate with. She loved to read, to dream alone in the dacha in the attic, she studied well. She got married for the first time, as her father insisted, after the death of her mother. The first husband was an alcoholic. Lived for six months. The second time she married on the advice of her father's parents. He was very good, handsome, kind, intelligent, candidate of sciences. He was very seriously ill from childhood ...
She lived with her second husband for less than 5 years. At the age of 33 she became a widow, from this marriage there was a son. The 90s broke out, the financial situation deteriorated sharply - she lost everything, was in debt and starved. When I was 42, a friend of my youth found me, and after some hesitation I started dating him (he was married), because physically I needed a man very much and I thought that he would save me from difficulties.
It was thought that it would help with the upbringing of my son (I was and am too soft-hearted). At the age of 44, working a lot, she got a job in a prestigious organization, and at the age of 45 she was again left without a man. this married man left his family for a very young woman, and not for me.
Depression set in and was treated. I met a man so that I could have someone to get out of this state ... Neither I had a serious feeling, nor he. But he had a good character, an optimist. At the age of 45, he lived with his mother, who had a large pension, did not work anywhere for a long time, was very greedy - obscenely. I perceived him like this: since there is no good man, then you need to meet for health (like a pill). I broke off relations with him for 4 years.
And when I was sent to retire, I began to meet with him again to fill the resulting vacuum. Although I saw many shortcomings in him, I thought that the relationship with him would improve over time. A year ago, she raised the issue of cohabitation, to which he said that family life does not plan. It offended me. I moved in March to live in a dacha, because my son is an adult and wants to live separately.
Since that time, this man has been writing messages to me on Viber, but he doesn’t call or come, he doesn’t invite me to his place. He never came to my dacha, although he constantly said “maybe”. How can I meet someone else a good man? I won’t say that I was drawn to live with someone (to wash, clean, etc.), I have enough care for my son and myself. But I would like a sincere, real relationship with a good man. Men in photographs on the Internet do not like. It's not true that after 60 you don't need a man! Needed, but I want to communicate beautiful, interesting, kind and mutually respectful!
Psychologist's comment:
— Your story developed classically. It all started with childhood traumas, which you described in full. We see strict prohibitions, violence, restrictions. All this did not give you the opportunity to learn how to cope with difficulties, have a point of view and gain experience. And this is necessary for choosing a partner.
In your case, the choice of a companion was based on the opinion of the parents, and when they were gone, on a random or partial choice.
One of the most important tasks girl's period (as " social status”) - to know yourself and learn how to choose men. If the choice is justified and based on a sufficient number of criteria, this for the most part guarantees satisfaction with the relationship. The main thing is to support and build them.
Your personal choice was based only on the criteria of "optimism" or "external attractiveness", but, as experience has shown, this is extremely insufficient for building strong relationships.
Unfortunately, significant characteristics your men were "an alcoholic, an unhealthy man, married man, an immature, mother-dependent man." The basis of the relationship was only your hopes. There was no clear idea of how to build relationships, what you want to receive from them, what you need, what you deserve. And the foundation of all this was a huge lack of self-confidence and lack of experience.
The experience is passed down from older women to girls when they become girls. They don’t always talk about it, they just behave like worthy, self-confident, happy women.
If you are left without such experience, you will have to develop it yourself. So far, there are only errors in your letter, but draw the right conclusions from them, and this will become your experience. You just need to use it to your advantage.
tenasynseola.gr
Your hopes are the germ of confidence. They must acquire a clear support and formulation in the form of criteria and requirements.
For example, if you are an intelligent person, then you have every right to choose an intelligent man as a partner. A deal with yourself in the form of a compromise “he is greedy, but cheerful” is unacceptable. This is a direct path to dissatisfaction. You can never respect him for being greedy. Your main requirements must be implemented without a trace. You can agree to a compromise only in characteristics that are not essential for you.
It must be remembered that an adult is responsible for meeting his needs himself, naive expectations that someone will come who will take care of you are always shattered by reality. Such expectations are the consequences of childhood traumas, the partner should not be held responsible for them.
There are many unhealthy biases in your ideas about relationships and family life. And they, being at the heart of the worldview, play a cruel joke with you. For example: a woman must earn less than a man, relationships with a man can be without feelings and intimacy, “for health”, a man is a cure for depression or a way to fill a vacuum, a relationship with a man is washing and cleaning.
By debunking them and replacing them with a mature, mature, safe relationship vision, you will become much more competent and independent. These are simple and safe rules life, which can be formulated very simply. Respect, understanding, independence, common interests, intimacy, harmony, responsibility.
The first step towards healthy relationships with others is building relationships with oneself. You have to find out who you are and build on that in choosing a couple.
The second important criterion is confidence and a sense of the objective value of one's personality. Knowing your needs and being able to take responsibility for them will make your choice the right and safe one for you.
Only after completing this work, you can learn to behave like a girl: to feel attractive, to be able to communicate, to flirt, not to offend yourself, to be able to present your demands in such a way that it would be a compliment for a man. These important skills are independent of age, since you are single - which means you are at the girl stage.
Remember that seduction skills alone without personal confidence are a failure. In addition, an adult son must live independently and take care of himself, otherwise you will make him dependent and immature.
There is a lot of inner work ahead, the results of which will be your harmony and confidence, freedom from harmful prejudices and the ability to choose a worthy man. Thus, the happiness of the relationship will be predictable, satisfying, secure, and in your and your partner's own hands.
Nature loves to repeat itself. What happens to women very often happens to men. Although with the word "menopause" we are unlikely to have male image. However, this physiological phenomenon - menopause - to stronger sex is most directly related.
There are, of course, some differences between male and female menopause. In women, menopause usually begins at the age of 50-55. Male menopause appears a little later - at 55-60 years. And in the rest there is practically no difference.
The essence of male menopause is the same - biological. The gonads produce much less hormones than before, when a man is in his prime, when his reproductive period is in full swing. And from this, all sorts of changes occur in the body.
The climacteric process in men is as long as in women. It lasts up to 5 years. And then comes the state that women call menopause, and in men - andropause. At this point, there is a decrease in sexual desire, a man no longer wants a woman so often. In addition, a mismatch of sexual desire sets in: a man wants his head, but not his body.
In general, amazing things happen with age with sexual desire. Menopause has already begun, sexual desire has decreased, and an elderly person begins to fall in love. And falls in love as once, as in 15 years. And he doesn’t even really want to go to bed, but just give flowers to the young lady. Quite elderly old people generally just look and sigh: my God, what a pretty girl, what a lolita! And he doesn’t need anything else, the main thing is that SHE exists.
How physiological state menopause should take place in men at 55-60 years old - not earlier and not later. Compared to the female menopause, the male is calmer in physiological terms. Psychologically, it's hard to say.
Menopausal women are more concerned about their appearance, after all, the skin becomes flabby, and falls sharply energy potential And all the rest.
Men in menopause are more interested in material things: there is no erection, but I want it that way; there are some girls going, I would have had them 20 years ago hoo. Moreover, such a mismatch “I want and I can” often manifests itself in personal, family life. I suddenly wanted to, rushed: "dear wife, come on quickly, while I want to." Everyone is tearing themselves off, lying down - and that's it. The wish is over. This is exactly how selfish men behave who do not enjoy the support of a woman, do not want her, this very support, and most often do not have it.
However, every man should know and understand that with age he becomes more dependent on people, including in bed. If at the age of 20 his hormones itch and call for a feat, at 30 he thinks, at 40 he would like to have some kind of reciprocity, then at 60 he depends on a woman by 90%.
Men in their 50s are advised not to forget two things: sex life should be quite regular, that is, every desire should turn into an attempt. Everything in nature is interconnected: if a man is sexually active more often, it means that he produces more hormones, and therefore, again, he can live sexually more often. Here is such a relationship.
And here's some advice for you, men: by no means abstain! In this, the wife should help her husband: if he said: “I want,” she should always be ready. Such relationships need to be created. In general, after menopause, a man lives not at the call of the flesh, but from memory. He remembers how good he was not so long ago. If this memory is really good, if his sex life was really positive emotions, if, of course, his partner supports him, then he will continue to live just as sexually. And vice versa. If lovemaking has always been fraught with conflicts, the woman constantly expressed her displeasure to him, then as soon as the hormonal pressure subsides, he stops having sex.
And secondly, since a man has a mismatch between his head and body, a woman should become more active in a purely physical plane. That is, experts strongly recommend that partners of older men conduct direct stimulation of the genitals. This affects partners much more than once erotic fantasies. Moreover, at 60, men's fantasies are no longer the same, they played them all a long time ago.
There is another such tricky thing in the male menopause. They say that at 45 a woman will have a berry again. Why? In women, there is a surge of hormones before menopause, and therefore the berry: it blooms, gets younger before our eyes. In the same way, many men before menopause at 50-55 years of age begin to increase the production of hormones. They start courting girls, wandering left and right, trying to leave the family, and so on. Then it passes, and they stand at a loss: what have I done?
By the way, at this age, that is, just before menopause, men very often develop prostate adenomas. And it happens just from an excess of hormones. It can even be said that all men with a strong sexual constitution are potential candidates for the formation of an adenoma. And more than 70% of men over 60 suffer from this. In some men, after menopause, the adenoma undergoes reverse development. And for some, it stays that way, sometimes it even progresses.
And one more interesting fact: with the onset of menopause, the production of sex hormones decreases - and the production of sperm too. A 70-year-old man has ejaculation, but, firstly, not of that volume, and, secondly, spermatozoa are there with a gulkin's nose. Therefore, men over 40 are not recommended to conceive children: the risk of getting a genetically defective child is too great.
Recently it has become fashionable to talk about male menopause. Just not in Russia. International congresses are increasingly discussing the problem of andropause. And Russian men after 50 years of age are treated for coronary heart disease, fatigue, increased sweating, decreased libido. Although all these symptoms that one day suddenly appear in the stronger sex, there is a male menopause. Even if a boss of any kind at a certain age suddenly begins to pour out a stream of irritability on his subordinates, no one will say grouchily that he has a menopause.
With andropause, we really a big problem: men are either embarrassed to be frank about their problems, or simply do not know who to contact with them. In Russia, an andrologist, to be honest, is not popular.
Male menopause, as already mentioned, is associated with the attenuation of the reproductive phase of life, when the production of the sex hormone testosterone gradually begins to decline. If the decrease in testosterone occurs smoothly and moderately, then potency can last up to 80 years and beyond.
But not everyone is so lucky in life. If, nevertheless, endocrine impotence begins, and with it a decrease in efficiency, and irritability, and dizziness, the andrologist prescribes testosterone preparations to the patient. On this artificial top dressing, you can hold out for quite some time.
Some men are helped by the so-called "start-up therapy". The course of such treatment consists of hormonal drugs and an active sexual life. If you are very lucky, then your own, dear testosterone will begin to be produced again. True, not everyone is lucky in life.
If you believe American statistics, then one out of four grandfathers can be a good lover even after menopause.
All the most actual information in an article on the topic: "A man at the age of 60, the psychology of behavioral features." We have collected Full description all your problems.
Male psychology- this is one of the most entertaining topics that occupies the fragile minds of both young girls and not very young ladies. A huge mass of representatives of the female part of the population got used to the idea that the stronger sex is famous for its primitiveness. In other words, the young ladies are convinced that male psychology is a trivial and simple thing, since it comes down to three desires: food, intimacy and sleep. This is the essence of the main centuries-old delusion of almost all the daughters of Eve. In fact, periodically all representatives of the male half, as well as other living individuals, need to satisfy only the three above needs. However, the statement that the brain of the strong half is only capable of producing basic needs is a priori wrong. Women are accustomed to belittling the psychological component of the male part of the population. But it is precisely in the knowledge of all the hidden aspects of the soul of the sons of Adam, in the awareness of their male psychology, that the strength of the female sex lies.
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Male psychology in love and relationships
Today it will not be a secret to anyone that in relationships, male and female psychology is different, like heaven and earth. For most ladies, the feelings of the stronger sex remain the most complex riddle. Probably, many have heard a common saying that claims that ladies and gentlemen are two completely different biological subspecies. Although this phrase should be regarded as a joke, there is some truth in it. Men are less sensitive on a physiological level and emotionally.
In the female environment, it is customary to think that intimacy controls the life of men, but such an understanding of the psychology of the strong half is far from the truth. Men also strive for love, but they express their own desires differently than women. As a result of the prevailing myths in the male circle and the female community, stereotypes are born that claim that male psychology in love is reduced to primitive instincts. In turn, the sons of Adam believe that young charmers and older ladies need only one thing from gentlemen - money. But in fact, women need a confident and strong partner as they choose the father of their future children. Unfortunately, the confidence and strength of character in men is affected by the presence or absence of significant capital.
The statement about the emotional coldness of the stronger sex is also unfair. Recent studies have shown that romantic films are much more appealing to men than women. It's just that the representatives of the courageous part of the population do not have the courage to admit their own sentimentality.
The sons of Adam always remember the day they met their beloved, remember all the details of the first rendezvous and for a long time save various trifles and souvenirs dear to the heart. In addition, opinion polls have confirmed that gentlemen love to hear affectionate words addressed to them, various gentle “nonsense”, love to be called good-natured nicknames. They need touching-sentimental touches often much more than intimacy. Therefore, male thick-skinnedness and coldness is another legend invented by offended females. Men are only outwardly constrained in the manifestation of their own feelings, because they are afraid to seem overly sentimental and henpecked. They strive to match the image of alpha males, "real" men who do not know what romance, tenderness and caring are. Moreover, what characteristics this image has is known only to men.
If you ask the representatives of the strong half the question of what attracts them to opposite field, then 80% will answer a lie. They will say what attracts them inner world charmers and the ability to cook deliciously. In fact, at first, the male gender pays attention to the appearance and figure of the chosen one, and in the future, if they are satisfied with the “texture” and “exterior” of the young lady, they will honor their inner world with attention. You need to remember this when eating another bun under your favorite TV series. In order for gentlemen to appreciate the beautiful and mysterious female soul, they first need to be interested in a seductive and sophisticated external image.
Male psychology in relation to women is based on the compliance of the chosen one with accepted standards of beauty. Every man on a subconscious level chooses his beloved, based on her external data. And only after some time, when the gentleman is completely subdued by the feminine charm and beauty of the chosen one, he will begin to evaluate her thriftiness and inner world. Therefore, young ladies are advised not to rush on first dates, to reveal to a man all the depth and homeliness of their soul.
How to understand male psychology?
First of all, you need to really want to understand the mysteries and "back streets" of the psychology of men. Some women only verbally seek to understand the strong half, but in fact they absolutely do not care what is happening in the soul of their partners, the main thing is that they satisfy their needs and expectations.
It often happens that a beautiful, sexy, smart young lady suffers from loneliness for several years. And not a bright, ugly ugly woman, happily married. This is due to the fact that many representatives of a strong part of the population have low self-esteem. They are not confident in their own abilities, they believe that they do not reach the level of a chic blonde colleague who has been liked for three years now.
It is from here that the origins of stories about the qualities of a true mistress and a rich inner world come. Of course, this plays an important role in marriage, but not at the first meeting, because a man, inviting a young lady he likes to a restaurant, does not set himself the goal of dragging her to the registry office.
After the line of first dates and falling in love is behind, the period of love begins.
Male psychology in relationships and love is different from the psychology of the stronger sex at the stage of dating. Since the man has already opted for certain woman, now he faces a new task - he needs to understand whether his chosen one is suitable for the role of wife and mother for his future children. So not only exclusively female psychology it is common to test men for conformity to their ideal husband. Representatives of the strong half do exactly the same. Therefore, even the most beautiful woman can not count on an engagement ring if she is a born slut who is cold about housekeeping. At the same time, you should not go headlong into everyday issues.
A man who is serious about a woman wants to see his beloved "at the battle parade." Since the male psychology in relation to women is such that gentlemen like not only to receive aesthetic pleasure when looking at the chosen one, but also the partner for them serves as an object of pride and boasting to other "males".
Of course, there is nothing terrible in a worn out favorite dressing gown and a green vegetable mask on the face, but it’s better for the beloved to see such metamorphoses with the chosen one less often. Men are very offended by the weaker sex because, alone with them, the young ladies look like the character of the same name from the fairy tale "Cinderella", and turns into a beautiful princess when she is equipped for work or for a meeting with her friends.
It is because most of both sexes do not understand that there are certain differences in male and female psychology that so many divorces occur.
Male psychology in love is more calm in direction than that of beautiful and ephemeral female creatures. Many women misinterpret men's emotional restraint as callousness. In addition, beauties often sin by evaluating their life partners through the prism of their own personality, not realizing that each human subject has an individual set of qualities and characteristics. After all, often what is good for one, it seems to another "hell". Therefore, it is so important to know all the secrets of male psychology and the signs that indicate the presence of a deep feeling.
There is no definite ideal of a woman who would be to the taste of absolutely all men. Some of the representatives of the stronger sex simply go crazy from blondes, another loses his head from red-haired young ladies, one likes rounded hips and an elastic ass, the other likes breasts, starting from the third size. Men are not the same, so they have different preferences. At the same time, numerous surveys have shown that there are three main characteristics that a dream woman must have: femininity, sexuality and kindness. None of the sons of Adam wants to have a "hot-blooded" wives. And the stronger in the daughters of Eve developed their feminine, the more charm, charm they have and the more attractive they are.
In addition, men prefer girls who are flexible in communication, easily adaptable and cheerful. This is due to the natural egoism and the share of chauvinism (sexism) of men. After all, they are convinced that only a woman should adapt, by virtue of her natural nature.
The real horror in the representatives of the male part of the population is induced by nervous, twitchy, restless women who make a tragedy out of everything. Men are only outwardly unshakable like a rock, but in reality they are very careful about their own peace of mind, so they tend to avoid excessively hysterical ladies. At the same time, some theatricality and a share of hysteria in behavior, on the contrary, attract the strong half. Just don't overdo it.
Signs and secrets of male psychology in love.
The more time a guy tries to devote to a girl, the deeper and more sincere his feelings are. If a man prefers to spend time fishing, in bars with friends or at some meaningless events, and not with a girl, then this indicates his disinterest in a young lady. In this case, most ladies make a typical mistake, starting to call and impose communication with themselves, which pushes the man they like even further. When representatives of the stronger half experience sincere feelings for the opposite sex, they try to devote a lot of time to ladies dear to their hearts, because they are drawn to the object of love. The exception is work. There is no need to suspect a man of dislike if he spends most of his time at work. He does it for the woman he loves.
The male psychology of gestures can also tell about the presence of deep affection. To understand a loved one, it is not necessary to memorize the language of gestures and body, you need to learn to perceive all his actions in a complex. Therefore, to find out whether the gentleman loves or not, it is recommended to analyze the model of his behavior. If a man the lion's share pays attention to the chosen one, then he is really in love. And this can be expressed in the desire to help, the desire to bring bags, take them home, file outerwear, in constant touching the object of love.
Psychology of male gestures.
In a conversation, the stronger sex uses fewer gestures than the weaker half. And since you can't always trust men's words, then this fact makes it much easier for women to understand the male psychology.
So, if a male interlocutor constantly looks into the eyes of a lady, periodically looking at her lips, then this indicates his favorable disposition towards the young lady and her interest.
The man's gaze is open, he looks at the woman's face, occasionally glancing below. It also speaks of his interest in the lady. The open mouth of the gentleman is also considered a positive sign.
If a man, walking next to a young lady, puts his hand on her shoulder or back, then he values her.
ABOUT serious attitude sons of Adam to the ladies is evidenced by their desire to share their "adult toys". For example, they allow a woman to drive their car, which they cherish like the apple of their eye, or let them play on a tablet.
Any quarrel also speaks of the presence of feelings in a man, since he will quarrel with a woman only if he has the intention to live with her in the future. If in the midst of arguing, when a girl seeks to sort things out with her chosen one, he leaves, then this is a significant sign of a lack of interest in the young lady.
If the partner moved from discussions about a joint tomorrow to concrete actions, then he decided to create the future together. Moreover, such actions can be minor, for example, the purchase of an electric kettle or the repair of a tap.
Another an important sign deep feelings in a man is his consent to conduct household activities together. This is how the stronger sex works - cooking dinner together or cleaning the apartment means a lot to them. And if the chosen one went to accomplish a “feat” for the sake of his beloved, removing the dirty dishes behind him or throwing his socks not under the bed, but into the laundry basket, then this indicates his one hundred percent readiness to tie the knot.
This is how male psychology looks like in a relationship based on a deep feeling for a girl.
And, despite the fact that male and female psychology at first glance is so different, but a wise woman who wants to keep her lover by her side will take into account all the above features of the mysterious male soul.
Male psychology in relation to women
Knowing the peculiarities of male psychology in relation to women, it is possible to reduce the number of interpersonal conflicts by 30%. most important feature the strong half, with which beautiful women cannot come to terms with, is considered the silence of men when they face serious problem or conflict is brewing. Most ladies believe that if the chosen one is silent, then, therefore, he is offended or angry. In fact, the man is not offended or even angry, but simply thinks. Unfortunately, men are not Caesars, so they do not know how to do two things at the same time. That is why he is silent when he thinks.
The next feature of male psychology in relation to women is an almost indifferent attitude to their emotions and feelings. It is believed that it is more common for women to feel, and for the sons of Adam to act. In addition, by nature, gentlemen are more silent. Usually their speech is slower than that of the fair sex. Therefore, if you chat non-stop at the usual pace for women, then the man will not absorb most of the information. For the stronger sex, the visible is much more important than the audible. This is the main difference between male and female psychology. Also, men are straightforward, so they do not understand "transparent" hints.
It should not be expected from the male chosen one that he will instantly understand everything when he sees the offended “pug” of his beloved or her tense posture. Voice intonations are also not the best advisers of men. Therefore, resentment should not be demonstrated, but spoken out.
The next feature that needs to be taken into account is the difference in the perception of the stronger sex and the fair half. Feminy are more attentive to details, and the sons of Adam - evaluate the situation as a whole. In other words, for men, the overall impression is more important than small parts that make it up.
Representatives of the stronger sex are known for their invariable spirit of competition, which manifests itself exclusively among their own kind. That is why men's gatherings are very important for them. Communication in a circle of men helps the strong half to achieve psychological comfort and balance.
The peculiarities of the psychology of the sons of Adam greatly influence their value orientations, priorities, instincts and hobbies. Men tend to show great interest in power, productive activity, achieving goals, logic.
By nature, the male sex is much stronger and more resilient than the female. Men are hunters. They need to "hunt", catch up, fight, conquer and enjoy the results of their victories. Therefore, one of the key tasks of the representatives of the male part of the population has long been the conquest of women.
The interest of gentlemen in ladies will be present as long as there is a mystery in the young lady. While a man has to win a chosen one, interest and affection live in his heart. When the riddle is solved, and the woman belongs entirely to the partner, interest begins to dry up gradually. Therefore, in order to male heart love for a companion has existed forever, women are encouraged to keep the mystery throughout their lives.
Also, there is no need to be under the illusion that men like homemade "clouds". There is a certain category of men who prefer to marry precisely the so-called domestic girls who love to cook, do excellent housework, quiet and submissive. Only now the husbands of such young ladies will not love.
They choose them solely out of selfish interest, because they love home comfort, and they will love young, active, daring and independent.
The strong half like self-sufficient and self-confident ladies. For a man, independent and active ladies who have their own interests and friends have an attraction. Men like it when a woman combines tenderness and confidence, intelligence and care, femininity and independence.
The strong half does not like various manipulations by the weaker sex. They also don't want to play guessing game. They do not want to unravel the signs of the chosen one, to read her thoughts. Men dream of calm and simple relationships.
Psychology of male infidelity
Most psychologists are convinced that beautiful women themselves provoke the stronger sex to infidelity. Through the efforts previous generations daughters of Eve, intimacy was elevated to the rank of a prize, which is awarded to a man for "correct" behavior. From this we can conclude that the ladies have turned intimacy into a bargaining chip, with which they pay for "good" male deeds, or deprive the faithful of bed love for their "bad" behavior. Women only sought to manipulate the stronger half, receiving the so-called "reward" for bed comforts. But in the end, they personally deprived themselves of the joys intimate life, pushing the men to escape "to the left".
Men are experimenters by nature, who eventually get bored with life and there is a desire to diversify their own existence.
The stronger sex is very flattered by the attention from the opposite sex. And spouses are not a hindrance. Since with the course of a joint life, the spouses get used to each other, as a result of which they spoil each other less and less. Therefore, a bit of attention and admiration from an outside lady can make a man lose his head.
Some sons of Adam simply do not think of life without risk. It is the love to take risks that pushes this category of males to infidelity, since tricks on the side are always associated with a bit of danger.
In addition, the possession of several ladies at the same time significantly increases male self-esteem and amuses pride. This is especially true for middle-aged gentlemen, aging ladies' men, who are acutely aware that time is running out. Therefore, they strive by any means to prove to themselves and their environment that young ladies are still interested in them.
Another reason that pushes the stronger sex on adultery, it is considered the need to feel the long-forgotten feelings of passion, love and tenderness. Another woman is able to rekindle the long-forgotten fire of love in a man's heart, revive former youth and vivid sensations, which will allow a man to escape from the everyday routine of family life.
How to understand the male psychology of change?
To this end, it is necessary to highlight the main reasons that provoke the strong half to adultery:
The man was brought up in a family where such behavior was accepted as the norm, in other words, his moral values allow treason;
In the circle of communication of the spouse, the presence of a mistress is "a matter of prestige";
The wife refuses intimacy to a man;
The relationship of the spouses collapsed, passion and tenderness left them.
A man at 60 is his psychology. A lover at this age is perplexing for some, especially if he has a very young girl in his mistresses.
What drives a man who at 60 suddenly remembers that he is still a man? It's one thing if it's a widower. He is used to the family, he wants care and is looking for a replacement for his wife. This can be understood. Although this is selfishness, no one condemns this.
But we often hear about our "stars" who endlessly change their wives for younger ones. Such marriages do not last long, because the wife loses her shape and is replaced by a younger girl.
Do men really assert themselves at their expense? Why does the joke: “I change one 40-year-old wife for 2 to 20” no longer seem funny?
At the age of 30, a man seeks stability, at 40 he begins to “look to the left”, and at 50-60 he is already prone to extravagance. Doctors conditionally divide the life of any man into several periods, the change of which is associated with a crisis and subsequent personality changes. There are three such turning points in a man's life, although we must make a reservation: these age limits are rather arbitrary. For some, withdrawal may occur earlier than the fateful date, for others - much later. Last " a difficult age» men - 55 - 60 years.
WHAT IS A WIFE DOING?
At 30, a man is looking for stability in his career, and, most importantly, in family relationships. Stability, but not "presnyatina", from which even faithful husband run away into someone else's arms. How many troubles occur due to the lack of full-fledged family communication, which he begins to appreciate precisely in these years.
When a man is over thirty, a lot of things are not new to him, so such thoughts often come to mind: “Something I don’t feel well (options: tired, busy, tired, etc.), and therefore I’ll leave my wife today at rest. I'd rather sleep or watch TV.
Such "decadence" must be fought. Real concern for your own health involves the following train of thought: “Something I don’t feel well today. Well, to hell with this TV, I’ll go see what my wife is doing there. ”
During this period, a woman can still change something in better side, say, buying sexy lingerie, changing her hairstyle, being more affectionate towards her beloved, and so on and so forth.
The thirtieth birthday is a difficult period: a man finds himself at a kind of crossroads between the past and the future. Behind is an irresponsible, careless youth full of frivolous acts and unfulfilled obligations. I don’t want to under this period, but we need to draw a line. Ahead is maturity, from which it is not known what to expect. Therefore, go through this difficult time not only with your husband, but also with him, be especially gentle and patient with him - this will greatly strengthen your marriage.
40 YEARS - NO MIND
IN Lately forty-year-olds have developed a habit of not celebrating birthdays: they say, the date echoes the fortieth after death. It is better to skip it, away from sin, men argue with superstition that is not characteristic of them.
Outwardly, their fears may not manifest themselves in any way, but the inner world changes greatly. Two features are clearly manifested - increased resentment and sentimentality. What to do! Forty years is a time of doubt. And not only about their capabilities - with THIS, the majority is fine. Forty-year-olds are plagued by thoughts about their place in life, their profession, the attitude of their relatives, children, friends, and bosses towards them. It comes to the point that they cease to see the meaning in their own existence. They are seized by panic, pushing them to madness, to wild steps: some begin to drink deeply, the desperate try to commit suicide. No wonder suicide among forty-year-olds is kept at a consistently high level.
Among other things, this is the age of self-affirmation "on the side." The husband finds a girlfriend half his age, who is fit to be a daughter, and begins to make regular “walkers” to the left, with awkward explanations and stupid tricks. From the outside it looks almost comical: fathers and husbands lose their minds, spit on life experience. “The man is furious,” the neighbors look disapprovingly. In a word, the autumn marathon:
Usually the steps of men who are trying to radically change their lives in the "fatal forties" are accompanied by looseness nervous system, stingy (and not so) tears and the first heart attacks. True, during this period, attempts to leave home remain attempts. It's time for the wives of forty-year-olds to prove their love for their husband, showing maximum restraint and compassion: the "fugitive" is likely to have a desire to back out. He proved his ability to win over a young woman, he enjoyed his passion with her, but to live nearby ... And the prodigal husband, having wandered with a fluffy tail on the side, returns home. Home is home. Remember how much we experienced together, what glorious children grew up, and at 45 it’s not easy to be alone. And is it necessary?
AND LAUGHTER AND TEARS AND LOVE
Just don’t think that you can take a breath if your spouse turned 60. A man “from fifty” one day realizes that “the train is leaving” completely. Then he frantically searches - and, as a rule, finds a baby, next to whom it is easy to seem like a guru, teacher, sage. A 60-year-old man defies youth and finds in a girl friend a source that feeds him.
This is what they say: "Laughter and sin." One example. It happened that the pensioner husband cheated on his grandmother with a young lady who was not fit for his daughter - as a granddaughter. When the nonsense passed, he repented not without pride - they say, I can still: After that, my grandmother called her betrothed only "Bill", did not let go of herself a single step, and then said that she had also found young lover. She joked, of course, but her jealous husband climbed on her with his fists. Children and grandchildren persuaded the “crazy” for a long time and in the end begged to talk to a psychologist. With the help of a specialist family crisis still got over it.
DON'T BE AFRAID AND DON'T HURRY
It is difficult to suggest a universal remedy for the crisis of 30-40-50-60-year-olds. In every specific case A man should talk to a psychologist himself. But the most common recipes for getting out of age impasses exist.
Moscow psychologist Alexei Vasiliev believes:
- No need to wait with fear for the onset of the "fatal" date. The more you are afraid, the more painful the crisis. When you know what awaits you, you have time to prepare - and calmly, that is, constructively and with concentration, you accept what happened. Crisis recedes before calm.
- In many ways, it is repressed sexuality that is the root cause of crises. By the way, prostatitis, impotence and most sexual disorders are the result of an irregular and irregular sexual life. It is clear that love joys are preventive means. An acute attack of neglected osteochondrosis is unlikely to be removed by a love date, but preventing it by acting in this way is quite realistic.
And yet, in each case, a specific specialist, a psychologist or a sex therapist, can help.
Erections at 60 can still be as stable as they were in younger years, despite claims to the contrary. But this is provided that the man does not have chronic diseases, he leads healthy lifestyle life, eat properly and balanced, do not drink alcoholic beverages.
Objectively, this situation is rare. Therefore, in mature years the quality of erection worsens, there is a decrease in potency, premature ejaculation and other symptoms of erectile dysfunction.
Doctors say that the deterioration of male strength after 61 years is normal, as age-related changes make themselves felt. However, if there is a decrease in sexual desire, interest in intimacy, should be concerned.
So, why do men over 60 experience sexual disorders, what causes them? What ways will help to return high-quality and regular sex without failures?
Old age and potency
The hormone testosterone is a substance that has a direct effect on sexual function. With its deficiency, erectile dysfunction develops with all the corresponding symptoms, pathologies of the genitourinary system may develop.
WITH age-related changes in the body there is a decrease in the production of the hormone, therefore, at the age of 62, the level can be extremely low, which acts as a factor in the pathological failure. The concentration of the substance is influenced by the lifestyle of men.
If a man has been abusing alcohol all his life, smoking, professional activity is associated with being in one place (sedentary work), then it is possible to say with a high degree of probability that after 60 problems with potency are inevitable.
There are reasons leading to a poorly standing penis during arousal:
- Overweight, obesity. They lead to disruption of blood circulation in the body, hormonal imbalance.
- Diseases of the genitourinary system - urethritis, cystitis, prostate adenoma, impaired renal function.
- Long-term treatment with potent drugs such as tranquilizers, sedative tablets, anabolic steroids, drugs for arterial hypertension.
- Psychological reasons: chronic stress, fatigue, expectation of failure, self-doubt.
- Violations of the activity of the central nervous system, a decrease in the conductivity of nerve impulses in the body.
- Atherosclerotic changes in blood vessels, endocrine disorders, chronically high sugar.
Erectile dysfunction can lead to work in hazardous industries, radiation exposure, chemotherapy, poor environmental conditions.
A balanced diet at the age of 60
The human body receives all the necessary substances for its life from the food that people consume. The lack of useful components is reflected in the overall functionality of the body, including erectile function.
If you eat rationally and balanced, using a sufficient amount of proteins, zinc, magnesium, selenium and other minerals, then it is quite possible to avoid impotence in old age.
For the sexual health of men, foods enriched with magnesium and proteins are useful. These include any seafood, fatty varieties of sea fish, lean red meat. A lot of magnesium in nut products. A special place is occupied by fermented milk products, which include protein and phosphorus.
For an erection, you must adhere to the following nutritional criteria:
- The diet is compiled in such a way that 40% are proteins, 20% are fats, 40% are complex carbohydrates.
- If available excess weight, then you will need to limit your calorie intake, give up bakery and confectionery products, exclude quickly digestible carbohydrates.
- Fractional nutrition. It is noted that eating food 5 to 7 times a day helps to normalize digestion, does not overload the intestines, while the man will not feel hungry.
- Refuse fried foods, preferring cooking, steaming.
Trans fats appear special chemicals which can disrupt the hormonal balance in the body. If in young age natural production testosterone to recover, then at 63 years old - this will not happen.
Strengthening potency drugs
Strengthening the potency at the age of 64-65 is feasible through medicines aimed at achieving an erect state. If there are no medical contraindications, then it is ideal to use inhibitors like Viagra, Levitra, etc.
Viagra is. However, it is used with extreme caution at the age of 66, as the drug may adversely affect the condition of cardio-vascular system, lead to blood pressure lability.
Therefore, the appointment of synthetic medicines should be handled by a doctor. Considering all the indications and contraindications, accompanying illnesses men, the doctor will find the best remedy to help achieve a riser and not provoke adverse reactions.
Consider effective drugs, which can be taken after 65 years:
- Tribestan includes plant components in its composition, it is prescribed when the penis is bad, the libido has decreased.
- Verona capsules are a dietary supplement aimed at restoring male strength. Effectively fight with a sluggish erection and premature ejaculation.
- Priligy is a serotonin reuptake inhibitor that helps prolong intimacy. It enhances the sensations of intercourse, relieves impotence of any genesis.
- Impaza will solve problems with men at the age of 67. Homeopathic medicine restores the physiological process of erection, while normalizing the concentration of testosterone.
In general, the listed drugs work for a long-term result, helping to stabilize an erection for a long time.
Dosage and frequency of use are determined individually by a doctor or official instructions.
Tinctures for potency
At the age of 68, problems with a decrease in sexual function are easily solved with prescriptions. traditional medicine. Ginseng, in particular the root of the plant, helps to return a stable riser.
It contributes to the normalization of blood circulation in the body, prevents the development of pathologies of the genitourinary system, and is characterized by an exciting effect. Preparation of tincture does not take much time.
Take a small root (about 20 grams), chop, pour vodka. Place in a dark container and close the lid, leave for 21 days, shake occasionally. Filter, take 10-15 drops 2-3 times a day.
Leuzea homemade tincture:
- Pour two tablespoons of the crushed component with alcohol in a volume of 400 ml.
- Infuse for 2 weeks, shake occasionally.
- Take 20 drops 2 times a day.
- Continuous course 14 days, then 1 week - break, repeat.
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Bernard writes to Esther: “I have a family and a home.
I lead, and I have never been led by anyone.
In the morning I go out with Jess, at night I drink rum with ice.
But when I see you, I even breathe with difficulty.
Bernard writes to Esther: “I have a pond near my house,
Children go there to swim, but more often they lie,
What to bathe; I saw everything - Singapore, Beirut,
From Icelandic fjords to Somali ores
But I will die if they take you away from me.”
Bernard writes: "Income, finance and audit,
A jeep with a driver, Edith sings from the speakers,
Thirty percent off at your favorite bar
But they always pour on credit,
And you look - and as if God is looking into my eyes.
Bernard writes "I'm forty-eight, like other society bald lions,
I remember who I am, by visa, passport and rights,
Nuclear burial ground, flooded pit with water,
Subordinates, like skittles, I count on the heads -
But if words are also money,
Then you are not according to me.
“My girl, you are as beautiful as a banshee.
You came to tell me: you will die, but for now, breathe,
Just don't text me, Esther, please don't text me.
No soul is enough
Tired of my soul."
This is Vera Polozkova. I began to look at many things differently, having felt this poem.
Source:
Love of a man at 60
What is this? Someone can tell or give a link, you need to understand what is in his head. Is it conscious or hormones? For me, this is something from the category "is there life on the helpline
http://eva.ru/phone/messages-2703921.htm
Love came at the age of 60
Journalist and teacher Natalya Orlova continues the theme of the relationship between a man and a woman. She is convinced that people aged 60 and older are capable of love in the broadest sense of the word. But how to overcome psychological barriers, how to build a full-fledged relationship that pleases both parties?
Why are we getting to know each other? What difficulties do we encounter on the path to personal happiness? In my first article, I named several reasons why, judging by my experience, men over 60 want to meet a woman and which a priori do not lead to happiness. I repeat, the goals of the men I met on my way were as follows: they wanted to get a residence in my apartment and at the same time check their sexual suitability, and in case of illness they also got a free nurse. Someone, however, hoped to fall in love, but somehow boring, without imagination. Or he was simply going to take my mind off heavy thoughts about his ex-wife with my help.
The first of these reasons, of course, are of an egoistic nature. Although, let's admit, the desire to get housing or a woman as a housekeeper, a nurse and a sexual object is a purely worldly desire that no one can cancel, which must also be taken into account.
What about failed attempts fall in love, then this may be the result of low self-esteem. This means that a person is not confident in himself, shows a weakness of character. Trying to build a new relationship, he is at the same time afraid of condemnation, rejection and is not ready to achieve his goal. Some cannot decide on a new relationship because they are not able to free themselves from the previous ones. To these reasons, I would add one more - a confused system of values, various prejudices and delusions, i.e. what the famous professor Preobrazhensky called "devastation in the head." No matter how wild it may sound, some men are convinced that “a chicken is not a bird, a woman is not a person”, that a homebuilder is needed in the family and a wife must be kept in “hedgehogs”. I know this firsthand, I myself have come across such a “philosophy” that does nothing but harm to both sides.
And so I thought about the questions: “How to help men realize that their physical health depends very much on psycho-emotional state? To understand that wonderful positive emotions arise exactly when you love and are loved? Is it possible to help men regain self-confidence and not be afraid of love?
I would like to draw your attention to the fact that here we are talking only about psychological problems. healthy people and do not touch bad habits or mental illness. A psychological problems arise because of general illiteracy in the field of human relations. Such a conclusion suggests itself when one analyzes the difficulties that arise in personal life of people. But, it seems to me, fears of them will go away if you follow some "psychological safety rules". Here I have tried to formulate the three most necessary rules and hopefully they will help not only men but also women.
Rule #1 - be honest with yourself and your chosen one
If you are pursuing purely selfish goals, then, as we have said, you have the right to do so. But in this case, first honestly admit to yourself your mercantile intentions, and then try to hear and understand the interlocutor. You should never think that the issue will be resolved by itself, it is very dangerous. The curve will not take you out - we simply don't have time anymore. Only when you are young you can sing songs like “It’s obvious that it’s not fate, it’s obvious that there is no love, it’s obvious that you laughed at me!”
This rule, it seems to me, works well both with low self-esteem of one of the partners, and with distortions in the human value system. At the same time, no psychological analysis is even required: honesty and openness will be directed to Right way. Being honest with yourself will help you understand your true motives and desires, and having understood, to realize in which direction one should move in order to avoid suffering and disappointments.
The well-known psychoanalyst Dmitry Kalinsky warns about what can happen if you are not honest with yourself in the book The Genetics of Happiness System: “... if a lady seeks to find a wealthy spouse, the subconscious mind understands: in fact, the mistress the heroine would rather make a career than arrange her personal life. And the subconscious mind will subject any goal to such a test, so try, my friends, to honestly answer yourself the question “Why do I need this goal? What problems do I want to solve. "Otherwise, you will not see peace of mind."
Honesty with another person is a manifestation of your best qualities- respect and respect for him. These are signs of universal human culture and even wisdom. By the way, at our age it is time to grow up to such psychological maturity.
In fact, all problems can be solved if people put love first. The theme of love deserves a separate discussion, since everyone understands it differently too. For some, this is just a pleasant feeling of falling in love, for some it is a spark, fire, passion, for someone it is service, devotion, etc. But the fact is that falling in love, passion, and service are only separate components of Love. This topic is a serious, multifaceted one, and I hope to devote more than one article to it.
Rule #2 - properly assess yourself and others
I think everyone has heard the expression "if you want to be happy, be happy!". It reflects the truth that all our problems are within ourselves, and as we are, so is the world around us. Everyone has their own understanding of happiness. I will not discover America if I say that different people perceive the same circumstances differently. There are pessimists, there are optimists, for some the glass is half empty, for others it is half full. Therefore, it is very important, firstly, to objectively evaluate your attitude to life, and secondly, to understand what is the idea of happiness of the person who interested you. It is so individual that even being unhappy for some people is also a kind of “happiness”.
I consider myself an optimist, but nevertheless I am sure that it is not worth spending a lot of time on “reworking” staunch pessimists, this is futile. If a person has lived with such a philosophy all his life, then in old age he is unlikely to want to sacrifice his principles. A person can change only by his own free will, and nothing else. I made sure of this own experience repeatedly. By the time we met, my husband was still quite young, but already an established person, and I unsuccessfully “remade” him all our life together. And the longer we lived, the more our beliefs differed. In the end, we broke up. And then, when I met another man, I repeated the same mistake: for several years I tried to “help” him change. And he wanted to continue to live in his own way! I think you can not explain how our relationship ended in the end ...
So, my dear friends, try to look closely at the person you meet: what is his position in life, is he close to you in his views, will there be mutual understanding between you? It is also important to be able to talk, listen and hear the interlocutor. And of course, be extremely honest. It is easier for many to deceive, mislead than to confess their true desires. For example, with the aim of simply satisfying a physiological need, some deceive a partner, instilling in him hopes for a lasting arrangement of his personal life.
I repeat once again: in many respects the reason for this behavior is our inability to communicate and negotiate correctly and fully. But in human relations one cannot hope for "maybe". People of our age still want to live the rest of their lives in harmony with themselves, in love, good health and strong memory.
Rule #3 - understand what's stopping us
From the foregoing, one can derive an understanding of the essence of further progress along the intended path to personal happiness. That is, to imagine what prevents us from gaining spiritual comfort, and with it physical health, which does not allow us to feel confident and open to love. And to realize that all the barriers and obstacles are, firstly, inattention to oneself, one's needs and emotions, secondly, the inability to communicate effectively and, thirdly, the lack of psychological knowledge.
Unfortunately, I have to repeat that no one has given us such knowledge anywhere, and we ourselves will find many reasons not to engage in psychological self-education - in the first place in different periods For most of their lives, it was either work, or taking care of children, or household chores, and now illnesses and other age-related problems interfere. What are your personal needs and desires?
This is how most of us put ourselves last and then wonder why they don't have happiness in their personal lives?! And because they did not study the science of its achievement, snatched someone else's experience in fits and starts - either from the life of parents or acquaintances, or from accidentally read books or watched films. But it is unlikely that this knowledge leads to an improvement in our personal lives. Are we so eager to solve our problems, like Anna Karenina? Or shoot like Chekhov's heroes?
As a result, I would answer the questions posed in the title as follows: guilty we ourselves. A do Here's what you need to do: start filling in the gaps in your knowledge, engage in educational program. And then, I'm sure, there will be answers to all the rest important questions concerning the possibility of improving people's personal lives. Let's call on the experience of the past years and worldly wisdom, we will discuss together ways to achieve this goal on the pages of the magazine! Let's really look at things at least in the "third age". After all, the reality is that at the end of life, a person remembers not about lost deeds, but about lost love.
Natalya ORLOVA Magazine "60 years is not age"
Thank you for the article. Makes me think. How hard it is to be honest with yourself. And it's not always pleasant. But you will get answers to many of your questions.
Source:
Love came at the age of 60
Journalist and teacher Natalya Orlova continues the theme of the relationship between a man and a woman. She is convinced that people aged 60 and older are capable of love in the broadest sense of the word. But how
http://www.3vozrast.ru/article/otnosheniya/vse_vozrasty_pokorny/14210/
Male lover at 60: his psychology
Afina said: 01/29/2017 01:01
A man at 60 is his psychology. A lover at this age is perplexing for some, especially if he has a very young girl in his mistresses.
What drives a man who at 60 suddenly remembers that he is still a man? It's one thing if it's a widower. He is used to the family, he wants care and is looking for a replacement for his wife. This can be understood. Although this is selfishness, no one condemns this.
But we often hear about our "stars" who endlessly change their wives for younger ones. Such marriages do not last long, because the wife loses her shape and is replaced by a younger girl.
Do men really assert themselves at their expense? Why does the joke: “I change one 40-year-old wife for 2 to 20” no longer seem funny?
And I think that a man does not feel his age if during these years he is really a “lover”, and not just surrounds himself with girls. And young women themselves can reach for this. And there are caricatures that really need to “feed”, to create an image, at least for themselves, who think that they need to prove something. Such people are funny. In general, people age - and married couples age. They say that at this age, spouses become more tender - more affection and contact, which compensates for the already reduced sexual desire.
Sheriff said: 01.02.2017 02:21
Afina said: 05/02/2017 01:03
True Lies if from famous men, then some really become more interesting over the years. George Clooney, Pierce Brosnan, Robert Downey Jr. And Sean Connory is good, well, there are no words.
Al Pacino born in 1940 and his girlfriend born in 1979 The photo is not the best, and Al Pacino looks a little better. Although, you can’t make out these actors, right?
Probably, older men need a young mistress. With her, he himself is getting younger.