To me, he is a coward and a traitor. The husband is a cowardly and timid person. What to do

If your man is a coward: can he be changed?

All girls want to be strong and brave men. But what if you fell in love with a not particularly brave knight? Is it possible to be happy with him, is it worth trying to change him?

How to recognize a coward?

Most main feature coward men - unwillingness to make decisions. A timid representative of the strong half of humanity is comfortable only when everyone decides for him. Therefore, he will definitely not take the initiative to be introduced to his girlfriend's relatives, is unlikely to ask his boss to raise his salary, and will never refuse to help his friends, even to the detriment of his own interests.

You can also recognize a cowardly man by outward signs: he is afraid to stand out from the crowd, so he dresses discreetly; restrained in the manifestation of emotions; avoids looking into the eyes of the interlocutor for a long time; almost never gesticulates; often fiddling with an object in his hands.

Where do male cowards come from?

Psychologists say: cowardice is a character trait. It is usually formed in adolescence when males compete for dominance in a group.

Adolescents who failed to win a high position in the hierarchy, there is defensive reaction. future man starts to be afraid open conflict and turns into a social coward. Alas, it is impossible to eradicate cowardice. This is a personality trait that you have to come to terms with. However, if not the most courageous man feels confident, he will be less likely to act like a coward. Loving woman help him in this.

How to be happy with a coward?

In the description of the coward man, did you recognize your admirer or husband? Nothing, and with him you can be happy.

Never call a man a coward, not jokingly, much less in the heat of a quarrel. The words "weakling", "quiet", "loose", etc. are also prohibited. A man should never guess that you consider him a coward. He will never forgive you for this.

Remember: a man expects understanding from a woman, not exposure. Make a list of the virtues of your lover, which compensate for his not the most enviable character trait. Record every little thing. For example, "does not forget to water the cacti when I go on a business trip", "knows who Schopenhauer is." Refresh your notes from time to time.

Avoid situations in which it is difficult for your man to find courage. Your neighbors flood you for the third time in a year? Do not hope that your husband will want to deal with unscrupulous citizens himself. Do not demand the impossible from him. Explain yourself to the unfortunate neighbors yourself. You will kill two birds with one stone: you will solve the problem, and you will save the peace of mind of your loved one.

Do not focus on manifestations of cowardice. You were planning a romantic weekend, but your loved one could not refuse the boss's request to come to work on the day off? Moreover, did you witness how he stammered servilely: "Petr Petrovich, I consider it a blessing to work as much as possible for the benefit of my beloved company"? Make it look like nothing out of the ordinary happened. A man will willingly believe in it and will be grateful to you. And the holiday can be arranged a week later, right?

Praise your chosen one as often as possible, especially in the presence of relatives and friends, but only when there is a reason. Clumsy flattery will alert a man. Try to enjoy the realization that no problem can be solved without your participation. Think how many women dream of being in charge of their husbands. Yes, you're just lucky.

So sad girls... My husband is a timid man - just a real coward. And I don't slander him, because I do! He is so cowardly...

The first case that proved this was back at the time when we just - just started dating. Walked in the park. It was evening. I wanted to eat. He told me to wait for him on the bench for three minutes. He ran for a snack. At this time, a guy came up to me and asked me to smoke. I said that I am a non-smoker. He sat down next to me and spoke to me. Ignat was not and was not. The guy was drunk. Well, he began to pester, put his hands under his T-shirt. I started to fight back, scream. Some guys came up. Interceded. When they interceded, I noticed that my Ignat was standing on the sidelines and was watching what was happening. How I cried then... Didn't talk to him for a week. Then, I forgave.

The second case is even worse. We were invited to a party. I didn't know what would be there. ex girlfriend Ignat. And he didn't know either. The evening ended with her grabbing my hair and starting to beat me (to bruises). But Ignat did not stand up for me. He watched the whole thing and went off, like, for a smoke. It’s good that a classmate ran up in time, otherwise she would have beaten off my spleen with her heels. She stopped communicating with Ignat. I didn't speak for a month, I guess. He wrote, called, visited. I ignored. But one day I gave up. He came with a bouquet of huge scarlet - raspberry roses and I melted. She asked him to explain why he did this, to which he replied that he simply did not want to interfere. I asked (with me, in my presence) to dial her number and say everything, and he replied that he had deleted her number.

I forgave my husband again for cowardice ...

Oh, and I scolded myself for this forgiveness! But he promised that he would change, that everything would be fine. I believed because I wanted to believe. And I really wanted to! My desire for a better future has won me over!

Ignat proposed to marry him. I agreed, because for three months he never once showed his cowardice, which surprised and delighted me at the same time. We began to prepare (at an accelerated pace) for the wedding. How I waited for her! I made plans and dreamed... They decided to get married on my 20th birthday. She went great... But our wedding night prepared a “surprise” for me. I thought that my period would be a surprise, but then ....

To be honest, before the wedding, we did not have anything intimate. We decided that everything would “happen” with us after the wedding. I agreed without delay. And the “surprise” was that normally we didn’t succeed in “the very main night", because Ignat has .... Phimosis! In the morning he confessed to me that he was afraid to do the operation, that he had it for a long time. I don't know what's next... We haven’t had anything normal for half a year now, because he continues to be afraid…. Maybe, girls, can you tell me what to do with such a person and his cowardice? And then I'm tired of crying, honestly! I cried so many tears that it feels like they are completely over ....

I love coward

I love him very much! If I didn’t love it, I would say a couple of “affectionate” ones and say goodbye forever! I love…. Fool! But how else to call yourself something, if it is so?

1. Hello! I understand that love and all that stuff…. But I don't understand how you can live with him! I'm sure he doesn't deserve you. But I’ll move on to advice so as not to “get carried away” by unnecessary writing by accident. It's terrible that he's such a coward! It is absolutely impossible to re-educate him. But phimosis needs to be treated! Persuade him to go to the doctor's appointment (along with you). Say you really want kids. This, perhaps, will “hook” his cowardly heart. Set a condition for him. Like, if phimosis does not cure, you will refuse it right there. He will run to the doctor right away if he values ​​you beyond words!
2. Cry? Because of such a person? Yes, you amaze me! And you don’t need to “push” everything into love! Once you have forgiven him for such actions - your self-esteem is getting lower and lower! Do you notice what you are becoming? Don't see how he uses you? Cunning! Need to get rid of this! Just don't think about real murder! You need to get divorced, that's all!
3. The ultimatum should be the most severe: Either divorce, or - treatment! Do not look for other options! This is unforgivable! I would have left him already on the first wedding night, and not “suffered” with fiery love. He deceived and humiliated. And I don't know how to say goodbye to something like that!
4. You do not feel sorry for yourself, since you forgive this! And you allow humiliation. Does it just make sense? All situations show that you do not need to be together, but you spit on the situation! For love? Do you need this kind of love? He won't even go to the doctor. Cowardice will not let him!
5. Husband is a coward? - Yes, you can not live with such a spouse! You just have to dare to leave him. There is no other way out. And it is unlikely to be, because such people never change! You may think that I am evil and cruel, but I will say: you do not live with a man, but with a rag! With a real rag. The husband should protect, on the contrary, his beloved, and not run away from danger. You can't rely on him either. In general, I was shocked when I re-read the article with the history of this .... We give birth, although we are afraid, because terrible pain accompanies all this. And he…. Ugh!
6. My husband had this operation. Did it without problems! Yes, like your husband, mine would never do! He…. Not just a coward, but a pathological coward! What is another name for such a person? He did not protect his beloved woman, he deceived his beloved wife. Man? Only if according to passport data! About the rest - I will not say anything! Oh, and I felt disgusted! Spat here! It's good that it's not in the monitor, otherwise the laptop is completely new. Bought last week! It is necessary to throw such a thing out of life, like an old thing!
7. Talk and leave. Forever gone to end it all! You torment the soul, turning yourself into nothing. And you are a woman. What a pity to have to remind you of this! I hope that you will understand your mistakes and correct them. Take care of yourself, not giving offense to people like your “good” spouse!

Signs of a weak man

We are getting stronger. We overtake men on the career ladder without taking off our heels. We are independent, responsible, purposeful, and in response to an offer of help, we increasingly say: “Thank you, I myself.” And then we complain to our girlfriends over Friday latte: men have become weak and infantile, no support, no responsibility.

Country of undergrown boys

According to one of the recent sociological studies, almost half of women agree to live with an infantile partner, a quarter are ready to try in the hope of correcting him. According to other statistics, 27% of men under 35 in the most prosperous countries in the world prefer to enjoy homemade dinners prepared for them by their parents and are in no hurry to move into their own home.

Everything starts in childhood. It just so happened: the education system was taken under the control of women a long time ago. The boy is taught and brought up by women. They tell him: take an example from the girls. Do not run at breaks, do you see how decorously girls walk in pairs? They tell him: behave yourself, otherwise you will grow up like your father who was on a spree somewhere. They tell him to be a real man. Without explaining what, in fact, are the functions of a real man. Or explaining - but the way women themselves see them.

And then ... A friend once complained that a drunk citizen molested her in a crowded subway. There were dozens of men around, a head taller, years younger, but at the sight of this nightmarish scene they averted their eyes and stubbornly pretended that nothing was happening. The girl drove home, frightened and crying, and the next day she signed up for aikido courses. "I can't trust men, I can only rely on myself." Vicious circle. Because men will not become stronger because women will take up arms. And to blame only men - and undergrown boys - still does not work, because next to a weak man there is always a strong woman.

What are they like?

"Beloved Sons" “Every son once had a mother, whose favorite son he was. And every woman had a mother whose favorite son she was not ”- this is from a book by psychoanalyst and writer Judith Wiorst.

Adored sons, spoiled, pampered. Dinner will be brought to them on a tray, they will be given money for the cinema and they will surely iron their shirt. And in pursuit: “Son, you don’t look to catch a cold” and “Wallet, I forgot my wallet!” And the thirty-year-old son goes on a date. I don't know about you, but I'm afraid of unmarried men in perfectly pressed shirts.

"Carlsons". A friend of him, frankly, unimportant - he will arrange a mess in the room and capitulate at the sound of other people's steps. Will drag the Kid to walk on the roofs and disappear at the most crucial moment. He will not come to the rescue, he will not keep his promise, he will not remain responsible for the massacre with his friend. But to grab a jar of jam and simulate a terrible disease is always welcome. Main feature such men - irresponsibility. You should not start families with him, you should not count on him - he will run away anyway. It is easy and fun with him when circumstances are favorable, and that is why such men often become the soul of the company and the favorites of women.

"Usurpers". This type of infantile asserts itself at the expense of women. As a rule, their girlfriends are nondescript and timid, with a minimum of demands and a minimum of self-confidence. Strong and self-sufficient women "usurpers" are simply too tough.

"Eternal Students" These men in their hearts remain students forever. Career for them - an empty phrase. Their life is similar to a hostel: a rented apartment for a couple with a friend or Cohabitation with parents. Freedom and minimum effort is their motto.

There are many failures among such men. They can't succeed in a world where they have to make their own decisions, so they almost always lose. Here are seven characteristic features loser.

• He is experiencing constant feeling self pity. For his own failures and his own inaction, he has a lot of excuses.

• He will never miss the opportunity to say "this is not a man's business" if you ask him to wash the dishes or at least collect dirty things and load them into the washing machine.

• Not a step without mommy! By the way, a wife can also become a mother. Such men cannot exist without guardianship. Therefore, he constantly doubts, and making a decision for him is a real torture. Why? Yes, because it means taking responsibility.

• He doesn't know how to handle money. His balance sheet is always in the red as he spends more than he can afford. Expense planning is not his part. He needs everything now.

• “What is our life? Game" - he completely agrees with this. But to the opera or to the theater the man will go hardly. But he can never be dragged away from computer toys.And his reality is the most virtual.

• He is extremely reluctant to throw away old things and part with rubbish.

• He takes his own ailments extremely seriously - even the slightest ones. But at the same time, he will prefer to do nothing and complain, instead of being treated.

Who needs them?

Mom. As psychoanalysis assures, character is laid in the very young age under the guidance of my mother and polished under the strict supervision of the same female part of the family. From childhood, mothers make all decisions for them, and also cope with all problems. They come to school to bring on clean water the teacher who slapped them on the prodigy deuce. They come to the recruiting office to deal with the villains who decided in such weather to take her son to the army. To accustom your child to independence for such mothers is tantamount to losing him.

Wives with a "mommy" complex. Some women experience deep inner comfort in being "mommy" to their husband. The scheme is the same - overprotection, the desire to dominate. However, another point is mixed in here: a man who is especially successful with the opposite sex is a real treasure. Therefore, it must be loved, appreciated and protected. Afraid of losing a man, women forget about everything in the world - including themselves.

Therefore, their husbands are well-fed and smooth, and at this time they compete with barge haulers in endurance. They take care of the household, children, work. Such a common couple is a wife tortured by life and a radiant spouse, who is obviously groomed and cherished all day long. And the man, most importantly, not bad, that's just completely spoiled by female guardianship. Otherwise, they'll take you away. Competition, no matter what.

Not to be confused with infantiles!

There is one more important point. Women often accuse of infantilism those who did not deserve such a title at all.

First, they are shy, silent introverts. Those who would be happy to speak, but they interrupt him and do not listen. Secondly, men with that innate inner intelligence that does not allow them to speak loudly and shove competitors with their elbows.

Thirdly, ladies often write down any free manifestation of feelings as infantilism, as infantile - any "living" man who has not forgotten how to laugh, grimace and fool around. Responsible and morally adult men, who have managed not to lose their childish sharpness of perception, sometimes also want to be funny and laughter, they want to joke and be surprised.

After all, seriousness is not at all a sign of a mature personality. As Baron Munchausen used to say: Serious face not yet a sign of intelligence, gentlemen. All stupid things on Earth are done with this expression.

Old Munchausen was not infantile. He just loved to dream and fantasize - real men also have this habit.

The current trend is that weak men are much more common than brave knights. Women have only two options - to help the dreamy prince turn into a macho or to become strong herself.

How to recognize a weak man

Any girl dreams of meeting a strong and determined life partner who will save her from problems and worries, and not create new difficulties. Knowing this trend, weak men have learned to disguise themselves, and therefore their true nature may not be revealed immediately. In order not to fall into the trap, you need to remember the following signs of male weakness:

• Indecision. This shows up even in small things. For example, in a cafe, he can study the menu for a long time, not daring to stop at a particular dish or drink for a long time.
• Inability to keep up a conversation. If in a dialogue with a man you have to constantly look for a way out of awkward pauses, should be concerned.
• Lack of career ambitions. Weak men often work not where they pay well, but where they are calm and have a minimum level of responsibility.
• Slow response. A man does not know how to quickly make a decision not only in stressful, but also in ordinary everyday situations.
• It has bad habits. Most men with a weak character are addicted to cigarettes and alcoholic beverages.
• Not in a hurry to legitimize the relationship. A marriage proposal from such a man can only be achieved after a series of persistent hints.

A few more distinguishing features

Armed with some knowledge, you can easily determine that a weak man is next to you. The signs are the following:

• It is characterized by sacrifice. A man tries to please everyone (or cannot refuse to fulfill other people's requests). This is usually done for the sake of everyone's approval.
• Dislikes change and conflict. And this also applies to positive changes in life. A weak person likes to be in the "comfort zone", even if it is characterized by not the most favorable conditions.
• Suppresses your emotions and feelings. Weak people afraid to show their state of mind. They prefer to experience all the joys and troubles within themselves.
• love sorority. In a male company, where everyone is successful and ambitious, it is difficult for such people. But with the ladies, they quickly establish friendly relations.

Classification

Are men weak? In practice, yes. However, not all of them are the same. We can distinguish the following types of weak men:

• victim maternal love. Being under the influence of an authoritarian woman, he cannot take a single step on his own. In addition, it becomes a serious barrier to building your own family.
• Relaxed. This is a person who is unable or unwilling to take responsibility. Weakness is just a mask that allows a person to stay in the comfort zone.
• can be successful and active in work and hobbies. But when it comes to women, all courage and determination instantly disappear.
• Sensitive. This is creative nature. The man is sensitive to different kind experiences. However, that doesn't mean he's a jerk. By building with a woman, a person can open up in a new way.

Why do men become weak?

Be that as it may, a man is born with all the characteristics inherent in him by nature, inherent in stronger sex. To turn into a weak and spineless person, you need to go through long haul under the influence of the following factors:

• Upbringing. Usually weak men grow up in families where everything is run by a mother with a tough authoritative character.
• Father problems. If dad was too scandalous and cruel, the boy, as a rule, does not want to be like him. As a result, with age, a man becomes more spineless.
• Relationships with friends. From childhood, subjected to ridicule and mockery of peers, by a conscious age, a man acquires a lot of complexes.

Why are there so many weak?

Increasingly, women complain that men have become weak. But in fact, there is a historical explanation for this. Here are just some of the factors that psychologists focus on:

• War. The First and Second World Wars claimed many lives. As a result, the concentration male population decreased to 20%. Naturally, many children were left without a hard father's upbringing. Despite the fact that a lot of time has passed, it left its mark on today's generation.
• Transition to an industrial society. Before the boys from childhood were involved in field work, where they adopted male experience from their grandfathers and fathers. Today this tradition is almost completely exhausted.
• Education from women. Caregivers in kindergarten, teachers at school, teachers in secondary and higher educational institutions... The vast majority of them are women. Naturally, boys (future men) adopt their behavior pattern.
• Feminism. The active struggle of women for their rights has been very successful. But not only social activities were actively engaged in ladies. They taught children to be different from their fathers.

If in some matters the weak and strong man, in 99% of cases the winner will be the second one. Therefore, representatives of the first category immediately need to change something in themselves. To become strong, you should listen to these recommendations:

• Change your lifestyle. It is worth starting the transformation with changes in appearance, daily routine and even diet. Special attention worth paying physical activity to help build endurance.
• Learn to make your own decisions. This does not mean that you cannot consult with anyone. But do not try to shift responsibility for what is happening to someone.
• Overpower yourself. Having defeated your own weaknesses, you will easily resist even the strongest opponents.

From a weakling to a loser one step

It extends to all spheres of his life. That is why such people often become real losers. This is manifested in the following characteristics:

• Feels sorry for himself. Instead of fighting failure, a man actively looks for excuses.
• Constantly points the woman "in her place." This is a kind of self-affirmation.
• Inability to handle money. A man does not have the skills to plan his budget. Thus, he spends more than he earns, and constantly finds himself "in the red."
• Thinks life is a game. If it is not possible to play in reality, a person is immersed in a virtual environment.
• Can't let go of the past. In particular, a man carefully stores old and unnecessary things.
• He exaggerates the severity of his own ailments. Minor cold or headache turn into a real tragedy for a man.

Weak man - aggressive man

A weak man can be identified not only on the basis of known characteristics, but also by comparison with other representatives of the stronger sex. Based on such observations, the same conclusion always suggests itself. A weak man always blames a woman. Moreover, it may not be any particular person, but collective image. That is, all the fair sex.

Failure at work? Blame the women who stick their noses everywhere and climb in personal relationships? Again, the fault lies with the women who have become corrupt and unfaithful. Even if a man stumbles or breaks a cup, the blame will be on the women. And if such a man has a wife, she runs the risk of becoming an object of aggression. Weaklings often assert themselves by suppressing their life partner. Often there are cases of assault.

Is there a chance for personal happiness?

If a weak man, what to do with this problem? Is there a chance for personal happiness? Yes, if found the right woman, which has the type of "mommy". Her parental instinct extends beyond the children. Such a woman feels an inner need to take care of everyone and everything. Naturally, courting and pitying her weak man will not be a torment for her, but a real pleasure and an opportunity to realize her life purpose. The result is harmonious and warm relationships within the family.

Infantilism and weakness are not the same

Men are much more likely to be infantile than women. No wonder they say that they remain small children for life (even in old age). These types of people are characterized by the following features:

• modesty and shyness, inability or unwillingness to engage in serious matters;
• silence or inability to express one's thoughts (moreover, this manifests itself only in a public setting, and not among friends);
• a tendency to tomfoolery (frivolous behavior can be seen both in informal and business settings);
• inability to behave seriously in relations with the opposite sex (which often annoys girls).

Of course, infantes are weak. But this is not the rule. Often, men who behave like children can gather their will into a fist and make a strong-willed decision when circumstances so require.

Conclusion

Is there a future for a weak man? The first option is to connect your fate with a woman with a pronounced maternal instinct. This will be the key to personal happiness, but as for the business sphere, there can be no talk of any success. Family idyll will be to complain to your spouse and get the necessary dose of sympathy from her. Of course, such a state of affairs will suit someone and become a kind of "comfort zone" and a guarantee of stability. But, unfortunately, weak men are rarely happy. In order to be successful with women and achieve peaks in work, you need to work on yourself, eradicating "feminine" qualities.

Director of the Vladimir dating agency "Me and You", consultant on interpersonal relationships, family psychologist Elena Kuznetsova notes that in relation to normal man the feeling of pity is unacceptable, because it is a flawed feeling. A lady, of course, can feel sorry for the representative of the stronger sex, but only if there is a real reason for this: illness, business failure, loss by a man loved one. In all other situations, this feeling is superfluous. And living with a man out of pity is one of the biggest mistakes a woman can make in her life.

“A woman becomes unhappy because she has to shoulder another male function. Due to the fact that you have to work for two, the lady is aging early, both physically and emotionally, because there are fewer and fewer reasons for joy. Eyes dim, health problems begin. A woman who lives with is a woman who does not have female happiness", says the psychologist.

self-sacrifice

According to the consultant for interpersonal relationships, not all ladies are able to sacrifice themselves to a miserable man, who, as a rule, are weak men. Among them are infantiles, and so on. Most often with weak men women agree to live, whom their parents did not like and did not caress in childhood. Perhaps these are the ladies who grew up in incomplete families. Or in families where there were both father and mother, but the girl was brought up in strictness, emotions were stopped: “Don’t cry”, “You must”, “Take care”, “Be patient”. Or when parents, both in words and actions, demonstrated how difficult it is for them to raise a child. The girl, having accepted the attitude of her own inferiority and sacrifice from childhood, transfers it to adulthood, and lives by the principle to please everyone. Usually such ladies have an exaggerated sense of responsibility, they do not have their own "I" and they are sure that without them everything will be lost. They often explain their relationship with a miserable man in this way: "He will be lost without me."

Dangerous weaklings

Pitiful men in turn are very dangerous people. These are egocentrists with a tough character, who also received less love and attention in childhood. They are angry at the whole world, but carefully hide it, preferring not to show aggression, but to put pressure on pity.

“It would be easier if a man showed an open aggressive behavior. Then everything would be clear with him - angry, but he does not hold a stone in his bosom. And in a situation with weak, miserable men, everything is not so simple. They love to intrigue, to suck up here, to flatter here, and at the right time - with a pebble on the back of the head, ”says Kuznetsova, stating that this type of people is dangerous because they skimp on loved ones, knowing their weaknesses, and at the same time press very painfully.

Women always know what kind of man they live with. Strong - usually make decisions and protect a woman from problems, so that she feels,. Weaklings, as a rule, shift the burden of responsibility and decision-making onto their partner and constantly complain about life.

Even the most serious troubles will not unsettle a strong man, he will not sink to deep drunkenness and endless whining, but will look for a way out of the situation and move on. Weak - begins to panic even with minor troubles.

Helpful information

If trouble...

A separate situation is when people have been living together for a long time, and suddenly a man becomes disabled as a result of an accident or an accident. The woman continues to live with him, despite physical injuries. And the husband cannot believe this and is sure that his wife stays with him out of pity. It is impossible to convince him. In this case, Elena Kuznetsova advises showing the man to a specialist. According to her, it is worth contacting a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist, because a psychologist cannot cope with such a serious psychological trauma. We need a thorough treatment and rehabilitation.

If you want to suggest your topics related to interpersonal relationships, write to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected] .