How to forgive your husband’s infidelity and is it worth it? How to forgive your husband for cheating and save your family? Advice from a psychologist. Should I forgive my husband's betrayal?

Instructions

To save their nerves, women initially need to come to terms with the fact that men are polygamous. If he stares at that beauty, then it is not at all necessary that he will attack her.

There are, of course, those who dare to go to the left. And even if it happened only once, it’s not so easy to forgive. What to do in a situation male infidelity when family means a lot and both partners have no desire to separate? A woman needs to start by thinking carefully and understanding herself: is she ready to live “on pins and needles”, nervous and worried even because of a five-minute delay, will she, in any situation, even without reason, assume that he is with her? another.

Step One: Understand
Your husband will most likely kneel in front of you, sob, wring his hands and say that this was the first and last time. You probably don’t want to listen to his excuses now, since they are stupid and pathetic? But it's better to listen. Really, listen to him. You can even ask questions: who is she, what is she like, why did this happen, what is in her and what repels her. This will seem absurd to you, but it will become easier for both you and him. In addition, you can leave some “notes” for yourself. After all, for some reason he cheated on you and your husband still lacks something. It is important to understand what exactly, to eliminate any shortcomings in yourself and in relationships.

What not to do
Firstly, shouting, making him guilty of all sins and throwing up daily scandals will ruin the nerves of both yourself and your husband. There is also no need to look for a “homewrecker”, pull her by the hair and bombard her with reproaches. Men don't like brawlers, and the chances that he will leave after all this are only growing. Yes, and you will only screw yourself up.
Trying to take revenge. What's the point of pretending that you have a lover or that someone is courting you, much less actually doing it? This will only hurt his pride and manhood, and will not make it easier for yourself.
Look for someone to blame. It's no one's fault, it just happened that way. Just accept it and never remember it.

Step two: forgive
You can forgive betrayal only after you understand it, accept what happened and stop focusing on it. It will undoubtedly be easier to calm down and not blame yourself if you start taking care of yourself: treatments in beauty salons, new clothes and style. This will not only distract, but, believe me, it will surprise and interest your husband; you will become attractive and desirable again.

You can forgive betrayal only if you really want it and are ready to forget. Just forget it, and not put it in a far corner, so that at the next scandal you can get it and rub your husband’s nose in it, like a playful kitten.

One of the most difficult tests in married life is treason. People try to put up with many of the shortcomings of their significant other, but everything collapses as soon as they find out about infidelity. Moreover, women most often face this problem. There are several explanations for this. First of all, the reason lies in the polygamous nature of men; in addition, they often have more personal freedom, since worries about the home and household details fall mainly on the shoulders of women. In addition, it is no secret that men are of interest to the opposite sex longer than women. This is a generalized point of view, from which, of course, there are often exceptions, but in most cases this is exactly the case. So what should you do if you had to face such a problem as your husband’s infidelity? How not to mess things up and experience additional suffering?

How to make sense of this news?

There are different ways to find out about your husband’s infidelity. However, no matter how this happens, the main thing is to restrain the first emotions and not take any action. First, everything needs to be thought through and carefully weighed. In such situations, any word, action or random witness can complicate your situation and limit the possibilities of subsequent decisions. Therefore, in order not to deprive yourself of the right to choose behavioral tactics, it is better to wait for time. Exceptions are situations in which the husband, as they say, was caught red-handed, but this option will be discussed later.

If the situation allows and no one knows about your guess yet, control yourself and follow the following rules:

do not call anyone, do not inform, do not complain;
do not let your husband know about your knowledge;
do not leave home “to spend the night with a friend,” “to visit your mother,” etc.;
do not try to repay in the same coin;
Don’t do impulsive things (don’t throw his gifts out the window, don’t abuse alcohol, don’t drive if possible);
Don’t make a scandal with your husband when he returns.

If you find it too difficult to pull yourself together and need time to collect your thoughts, you can use some simple tricks. For example, if the sad news caught you in the middle of the day, and there is very little time left before your husband returns from work and you are not sure that you will be able to talk to him as if nothing had happened, without giving anything away, refer to poor health. When your unfaithful spouse returns home, lie down in bed and say that you have been suffering from a severe headache all day, now you have taken your medicine and are going to sleep.

This will allow you to stall for time and explain your Bad mood, will eliminate the need to talk to him. All this is necessary only in order to achieve the only goal - to make a sober decision. It is necessary to understand that a decision made in anger most often turns out to be wrong. Then, having regretted what you did, you most likely will not be able to return anything or correct it. This wait-and-see approach is suitable for cases such as:

You accidentally saw your husband with another woman, for example, on the street or in a cafe. The nature of their relationship is beyond doubt - only lovers can behave this way. At the same time, you remained unnoticed by them, which gives you the opportunity to leave and think about everything. Suppress the desire to make a scene or even just look into his eyes at this moment, no matter how much effort it costs you.
You have been sent a message (possibly anonymous), the content of which suggests that your husband has cheated on you or is doing so systematically. The message may contain photo or video confirmation, a copy of his correspondence with another woman, etc. In a word, the evidence must be iron-clad, otherwise it may turn out to be a provocation and a lie aimed precisely at causing discord in your family. Beware of hasty conclusions.
You accidentally witnessed a conversation between your husband and someone or third parties, for example his friends, who, not realizing that you heard everything, voiced this problem. Again, try to restrain yourself and not show that you accidentally overheard this conversation.
You found evidence of infidelity in your husband's personal belongings, phone or computer. Moreover, he doesn’t know about your guess yet. There is a possibility here that he deliberately pushed you to expose his betrayal in order to provoke you into a scandal and make it easier for himself to leave the family, or to deliberately cause you pain. In both cases, do not give in to your feelings, remain silent about your find.

Of course, often a woman herself guesses about her husband’s infidelity. Certain changes usually occur in the behavior of an unfaithful spouse. He becomes indifferent, absent-minded or irritable, often stays late after work or goes out “on business”, tries not to leave his phone unattended, avoids making eye contact, etc.

Usually in this case, the woman begins to look for confirmation of her guess, suffers, suspects, and breaks down over trifles. A difficult period begins, which can last for years. This is the most unfavorable of all possible options development of events, since it exhausts a woman so morally that a mere trifle is enough to break the relationship between spouses.

So, having received information about your husband’s infidelity, the first thing you need to do is make sure of its authenticity. Don’t make a mistake, make sure that this is not a misunderstanding, not someone’s intrigue, not the fruit of your wild imagination. If there are no doubts and betrayal really took place, make a decision. The pause that (if you are lucky) you get should not last long. Once you have made a decision, take action.

Decision-making

During the period of time that you spent understanding what happened and weighing the pros and cons, you need to analyze the following:

The case of betrayal was isolated or your husband often enters into relationships with women, gets carried away easily and this can be regarded as a quality of his character. It also matters how long his current relationship is. In other words, you are dealing with your husband’s prolonged falling in love or with a banal physical betrayal according to the principle of “taking advantage of the opportunity.”
What is the state of your relationship? For example, everything flows as usual or in Lately you are quarreling; he shows to you increased attention, as if he is trying to apologize, or he is burdened by your company, he is dissatisfied with you all the time. Perhaps your relationship deteriorated a long time ago, you have lost interest in each other, only your children and some kind of habit are holding you back, etc.
Pay attention to how carefully your husband tries to hide the fact of his infidelity from you. He tries his best to get out, every day he comes up with a new explanation for his absence, tries to behave as if nothing had happened. Either he no longer even tries to put on a good face when bad game, it’s as if he doesn’t care what you think and feel.
How important is your marriage to you? Are you ready to make sacrifices in order to keep it. Or you yourself are already so burdened by them that thoughts like “it’s better than this” come to mind. Is the perfect betrayal a bolt from the blue or just another blow in the series of sad events that your family life has turned into? In other words, if it weren’t for your husband’s infidelity, would you have wanted to save this marriage?

Also take into account your spouse's age. This matters because during a midlife crisis, men experience a whole range of experiences and problems that, in the vast majority of cases, they do not tell a single living soul about. Even a man himself may not always be able to guess that this crisis has arrived, but a woman must have a unique instinct in order to immediately determine its beginning.

Meanwhile to this phenomenon should be treated as inevitable stage the life of any person. Eg, transitional age for teenagers, it is also fraught with many problems, but parents, teachers, and psychologists are involved in solving them. And an adult man is left alone with his crisis. Some cope with it more successfully, while others begin to pull out numbers that surprise even old friends and relatives. During this period, men often try to start new romantic relationships.

And in in this case such an act is rather a gesture of despair, a sign of fear, a consequence of disappointment, an echo of internal complexes, and only then - betrayal of his wife. However, this does not at all relieve responsibility from a man who has put his marriage at risk, hurt his wife, and caused moral trauma to his children. It’s just that in this case the explanation for such an act is fundamentally different than in other situations. And no matter how cynical it may sound, perhaps it is in this case that more tact and understanding should be shown towards the husband. Moreover, the midlife crisis will end one day.

If you decide to forgive him

Perhaps the following phrase will sound monstrous, but if you look deeper into the issue, you will find out that it reflects reality: if your husband cheated on you, then nothing terrible actually happened. Yes, it hurts you, at first you cannot imagine that you will ever make love with him again, it seems to you that the world has collapsed. However, all this speaks from your wounded pride. Objectively, your family did not suffer significant damage from this. Don’t rush to be indignant when you hear something like this, first think about this:

Almost all men, with rare exceptions, have cheated on their significant other at least once in their lives. It's just that some wives find out about it, and some don't. You found out - and that makes all the difference.
If this is a single betrayal, and not a long-term relationship with a constant mistress, then no changes have occurred at all, only your pride has been wounded. In a sense, this situation can even be beneficial: the husband, under the yoke of guilt, will become more attentive and gentle.
If, having been exposed, he stopped a long-term relationship with his mistress, it means that you are much more important and dear to him. In addition, deep down in his soul he will be grateful for your generosity, for the fact that you found the strength to forgive him.
There are problems that are much more dangerous and serious, especially in terms of the degree of possible damage to the family. We are talking about such vices as alcoholism, drug addiction, and gambling addiction. If you have not had to deal with such difficult problems, then at least try to imagine them. And then answer your question: is your husband’s momentary weakness really that terrible?

It should also be remembered that no one is immune from mistakes. If your husband makes a mistake or gets confused once, give him the opportunity to get out of it. difficult situation, give him a helping hand. This does not mean that you need to pat him on the shoulder and say: “Well, it’s okay, it doesn’t happen to anyone.” This means that it is better to feign ignorance, while doing everything to make him understand: at home he is loved, valued, respected and expected. At home everything should be peaceful and calm: comfort and order, affectionate, caring, dear wife, favorite things - everything is so close and personal that you simply don’t want to leave. At the same time, make it clear to your husband that you will not put up with cheating.

You can, on occasion, hint that all this sweet and cozy life may come to an end. For example, when watching a film where there will be a corresponding plot twist, say in a half-joking tone: “I would probably die in such a situation! I can’t even imagine what would have happened to me if you had cheated on me in the same way. This is the end of everything: the family, the common future, and the carefree life of children! It's good that you're not like me. Just try it, have an affair on the side!” Or, when discussing someone else’s situation, for example, the divorce of mutual friends, say indignantly: “Well, of course, she left him, he cheated on her! This is how you have to disrespect yourself in order to exchange the happiness you created with your own hands for some temporary affair with a strange woman, of which there are many in the world!” - and then add: “Would you like tea with lemon, my love?” In other words, act as if this doesn’t concern you personally at all. But with your position on this issue the spouse will be unequivocally informed.

Everything written above is intended only for you. It is strictly forbidden to initiate a man into this position of moderate loyalty. Otherwise, he may consider that his husband’s betrayal is completely natural and reprehensible. And this is not at all true. And you also don’t need to put up with constant betrayal. This position will help you survive pain and disappointment, as well as find the strength to forgive your husband. But it should be applied once, and not turned into a model of coexistence that encourages impunity for men.

Surviving betrayal is not easy in any case. If you decide to cope with this difficulty alone (not tell your husband that you know everything), then your the main task– don’t let your feelings come out. In time you will survive this crisis. If, after the betrayal, you sorted things out with your spouse, if he was caught and repented, if you promised to try to forgive him, etc., then it will probably be even harder for you. In this case, you need to adhere to rules of three"Not":

do not remind;
do not reproach;
don't tell others.

If, after reconciliation, you continually reproach your husband, nag, and demonstrate your wounded pride, then you will harm both yourself and him. In fact, you will nullify all your efforts. At every mention of someone’s betrayal, you shouldn’t look at him meaningfully, raise an eyebrow, grin, etc. One day his patience will run out, and you will quarrel. Believe me, he will immediately get rid of both the feeling of guilt and the feeling of gratitude. And why, one might ask, did you try then?

Of course, the pain cannot disappear as if by magic. magic wand. You will worry for a long time. But this is completely natural. Just try to drive away these thoughts from yourself, remind yourself that forgiving your husband is your decision, which now you just need to follow, that’s all. If you lose your temper somewhere, reproach or offend him, just immediately say: “You have to give me time so that I forget everything. We both need to be patient." And do not turn your husband into an eternally repentant sinner, otherwise you yourself will not be able to live with him.

One of the most difficult trials in a woman’s life is the betrayal of her beloved man. Let's discuss how to forgive your husband's betrayal and whether it is worth forgiving. Advice from a psychologist may help you make the right decision.

After all, even if it seems that everything was wonderful, suddenly find out that your dear husband spending time in the arms of another woman is a huge blow. And often a woman, having learned about this, does not understand how to behave further.

The very first questions that haunt you are: “What should I do? What will happen next with the family, with the children, with my life? What is the right thing to do? Should I tell you or pretend I don’t know? Should I get a divorce or try to save the family?”

And most importantly, how to behave right now, when it’s so painful and offensive? Should you forgive your husband's betrayal? Is this necessary? And if so, how to forgive your husband’s betrayal?

It is impossible to give advice that will suit all women in all life situations, and will be applicable to all men. However, I will try to touch on topics that will allow you to think and, most importantly, help you ask the right questions, answering which, the woman herself will find the answer.

Why did your husband cheat?

First of all, you need to figure out why your husband cheated and who is to blame. Of course, there are always two people to blame. Someone overlooked, someone stumbled, someone turned out to be weak.

However, it is important to understand the main thing: the man who cheated did it because he considers it possible to cheat, change women, and his wife is not an obstacle to this (let’s call him straight - a womanizer), or was it done by a man inclined to monogamous relationships?

This is the most main question, which you need to answer for yourself, because everyone depends on it further actions: forgive your husband’s betrayal and save your family or leave with dignity.

Husband is a womanizer

Case number one. Your husband is a womanizer. I think almost every woman who has lived with her husband can instinctively recognize this feature.

Signs of a womanizer

I'll briefly go over the main ones possible signs womanizer:

He is exceptionally polite, attentive and friendly with people of the opposite sex. He is so polite with them that the border between flirting and politeness is almost indistinguishable;
A man who is a womanizer cannot miss an exposed chest or legs. They have a hypnotic effect on him, his gaze cannot be controlled;
If, for example, you left him at the airport for a few minutes, then when you return, you can find him talking with a girl or woman. And there seems to be nothing criminal, but he is always open to communication with the opposite sex;
Extremely affectionate addresses to friends, or ex-girlfriends, or to all female acquaintances. All the bunnies, fish, Mashenka and Verochka;
If his close friends are womanizers who regularly cheat on their wives and girlfriends, etc.

These are perhaps the most basic and most obvious signs of a man who is a womanizer. Remember everything life situations and try to honestly determine how strong the craving for polygamy is in your man.

How to live with a womanizer?

If the conclusions are disappointing, then in the question of whether it is worth forgiving your husband’s infidelity, the psychologist’s advice is as follows. You should think about whether you are ready to endure all your life being around other women, traces of their presence, looking into his eyes, knowing that he is lying to you?

How to live with a womanizer? I know women who have resigned themselves to this fate, find solace in other things - in shopping, raising children, traveling, and do not think about how to forgive their husband’s betrayal. Often such reconciliation is connected with what this man gives them - for example, money, a house, a certain standard of living.

Think about whether you are ready for this, is it worth forgiving your husband’s betrayal if he is a womanizer?

If yes, you are ready to live with a womanizer, then get used to going to a psychologist and talking out your painful issues, going regularly to the gynecologist and checking what surprise your husband brought you this time, and finding new areas of life where you can sublimate all the energy that could be spent on loving my husband.

By the way, such husbands are often excellent fathers, and for the sake of the child, a woman is ready to endure almost anything, even forgive her husband’s infidelity. It's just such a scenario family life, in a free French manner, and how much it suits you, only you can decide for yourself.

I can't stand cheating

Perhaps, after thinking about whether it is worth forgiving your husband’s infidelity, you will come to an affirmative answer. Or maybe not.

After all, there is a second option - you are not ready to live your whole life in deception, any falsehood is alien to you, you cannot tolerate betrayal. Then you must decide - why are you still in this relationship?

Perhaps it is again a matter of domestic comfort. Then you need to decide how you can get what this man gives somewhere else. For example, you may focus on work, or you will look for a new husband, or you will temporarily move in with your parents.

Be that as it may, if you cannot forgive your husband’s betrayal, here is the advice of a psychologist: you need to have a clear goal, preferably on paper. For example, find a new husband who will good father to your children and will be faithful to you.

Just don’t talk about the low probability of finding such a man. I know cases where women with three children got married successfully. It all depends on your desire, willingness to change something, search and not give up.

This, by the way, is also worth taking into account. Divorce and breakup of relationships are always a way out of your comfort zone, including a decrease in the quality of life. Temporary or permanent - depends on your further actions.

On the question of whether it’s worth forgiving your husband’s infidelity, here’s a psychologist’s advice: try to close your eyes and imagine your life in five years. Do you see yourself with this man in five years, or does your heart ask for a new, pure and beautiful family history with another person? Whether it’s worth saving your family, only you can decide for yourself.

How to forgive your husband's cheating

Case number two, when your husband is a sexually picky man, not prone to polygamy and adventures. How to forgive your husband’s betrayal, what advice do psychologists give in this case? Here, unfortunately, you have to admit that somewhere you made a mistake.

I know women who are very indignant, arguing that paying attention to a man, especially if the woman works, if she has children, is an excessive excess, and you shouldn’t pamper him too much.

The most desperate ones even ask me a question - how is it possible, I work, I come home tired, I check my homework, make dinner, and my husband after all this (attention, direct speech!) “also wants sex.” Indeed, what a scoundrel - he wants sex!

In response to this, I can say that at all times, in all nations, women’s lot has been difficult. Yes! Home, children and everyday life have always been on the shoulders of a woman. Our great-grandmothers got up at 4 in the morning, worked all day, cultivated kilometer-long vegetable gardens, raised 8-10 children, did laundry on the pond, carried water with a yoke and cooked dinner.

And it never occurred to a single woman to be indignant that she was doing too much and not feeding her husband, or to say that dinner is on the stove - take it yourself.

Now living conditions have become much lighter - there are diapers and washing machines, and dishwashers, and there is even the opportunity to call a housekeeper or hire a nanny.

And yes, of course, despite this, women get tired too. However, the question here is what priorities does a woman set for herself. Talk to a friend for half an hour on the phone or spend time talking with your husband. Run to the store for a sale or come up with something interesting evening with husband.

Husbands are often not given any time or attention. Many women believe that a husband is like an object; she married him, and he, like a thing, is now yours forever. In my book I give an example with earrings - earrings lie on a shelf until we want to wear them. They put it on, wore it, took it off and let it sit there until needed.

The same attitude towards the husband - they needed him, or his salary, or his help, they needed to go with him to friends for a birthday - they remembered him. Not needed - sits and minds his own business.

Therefore, I encourage every woman to ask herself the question: what have I, as a woman, done and am doing for his man’s happiness? Is he interested in living with me? Do I understand my husband? Will he tell me first about the problem, or is it easier for him to talk to a friend?

And, of course, if the answer to most of these questions is “no,” it’s worth thinking about it and starting to take these parameters into account. The first thing you should do is start strengthening your own marriage. Build relationships, find common topics and the threads that can still connect you, trying to save your family.

I believe that it is absolutely wrong to arrange a showdown with him on the topic “who is she?”, “how could you?”, “I – the mother of your children” and so on, while tormented by thoughts of how to forgive her husband’s betrayal and whether it is worth forgiving her.

If a man has needs that one woman did not cover, and he reached out to another (we are not talking about womanizers!), then his wife should think about what she did not give him, that he began to look for it in another woman.

And to the question of whether it’s worth forgiving your husband’s betrayal, whether it’s worth fighting for him, for the family, for all the good things that exist, or whether to give everything up to another woman out of her own stupidity, each woman must answer for herself. But first of all, you need to admit your mistakes. This will make it easier to understand how to forgive your husband’s betrayal and save your family.

A man also has mistakes, we are all imperfect, but from time immemorial, a woman has been responsible for the strength of the family, for everyday life, for comfort, for attracting and retaining a man.

I wish every woman wisdom, patience and family happiness so that you never have to turn to the advice of psychologists with the question of whether you should forgive your husband’s betrayal and how to forgive it.

Cheating on a loved one is always a terrible shock for his other half. Faced with such a situation, a person experiences a terrible shock, depressing feelings and unbearable pain from betrayal.

How to live now, is it possible to forgive the betrayal of a loved one, how to accept the fact that he was close not only to you, but also to someone else. Is it even possible to forgive betrayal, and if so, how long will it take?

Let's try to figure out what betrayal is, what is its difference from betrayal, and how to get rid of the grievances caused by betrayal with minimal losses for yourself.

Treason is betrayal.
It doesn't matter whether you jump into bed or slowly crawl into bed.
Larisa Andreevna Guzeeva

Treason or betrayal - how to tell the difference?

In relationships between a man and a woman, many different conflict situations can occur.

It also happens that they have only recently started dating, but an invisible connection has already been established between them, which determines the need not only for simple communication, but also sexual contact.

This is felt especially strongly at the moment when young people in love begin to life together(in the so-called civil marriage) and they have certain responsibilities towards each other.

Each of the established couples expects a certain development of the relationship. A woman expects that they will end in marriage, but representatives of the stronger sex do not always expect that their civil marriage with their beloved will end official registration at the registry office. And if, in this case, betrayal suddenly occurs on the part of a man, then it can most likely be classified as betrayal.

I distinguish between betrayal and infidelity.
Cheating concerns the body, infidelity concerns the soul.
Christina Kofta

The fact is that by invading a girl’s life, a man in some way changes her usual way of life. For his sake, the lady adjusts the timing of her favorite activities on weekends and changes the schedule of her own free time.

A woman expects the same behavior from her lover, but it often happens that her expectations are simply not met. Men for the most part do not want to change their usual way of life for the sake of their beloved woman, and this is a very unfair quality for their beloved. Indeed, why should she sacrifice her life principles for the sake of love, and he will continue to live as before, without sacrificing anything?

But the whole point is that men are built a little differently. They are not used to limiting themselves in something and losing freedom. Appearance new girlfriend and sex with her if available permanent woman is not accepted by men as cheating. They reason like this: “What kind of betrayal is this, I’m not married?”

The woman interprets the whole situation with betrayal differently: “Yes, we have not formalized our relationship, but we are already close to each other spiritually!” And men have their own answer to this: “we cheat physically, but spiritually we still remain with our beloved.”

Experts in the field of building and maintaining family relationships advise couples to discuss such situations together in order to understand what awaits their relationship in the future. It is likely that the sex that the man had on the side was nothing more than a coincidence, and it left the stronger sex with only annoyance and disappointment.

Quite possibly something else. The young man does not see anything reprehensible in sex on the side, and does not rule out repetition in the future similar situations. And in this case, the woman most likely should decide to end the relationship. Alas, this guy could not see in her the one and only beloved with whom he would be ready to go through life together. Only separation will help save the future peace of both representatives of the couple, and the self-respect of each of them.

Reasons for cheating on a loved one

Under no circumstances should one look for any justification for such masculine actions as deception, betrayal and treason. But from a psychological point of view, one can find some explanation for such actions.

There are several psychological reasons that push a man to cheat:

The need for love, formed in childhood, is neurotic in nature. Some boys in childhood do not receive from their parents the love that they need.
Let's say that the mother simply did not have enough time to play with her little son, pay him more attention, and give him maternal affection. The child was in dire need of mother's love, but did not receive it at all or received it, but not enough.
Solve the shortage problem parental attention V childhood very difficult, so the boy, growing up, transfers it into adulthood and tries to solve it there. It is through cheating that an adult man tries to get the love that he lacked as a child.
Initially, he receives it from one woman, whom he calls his one and only. But then this becomes not enough for him, and he finds himself another lady of his heart. As a result, the representative of the stronger sex receives twice as much tenderness and love, thereby making up for the deficiency of parental love.
Loss of interest and attraction to your lover. Starting to live with one woman, a representative of the stronger sex initially receives both physical and moral satisfaction from this.
But over time, one gets used to the partner, and, as a result, the relationship cools down and loses interest in the beloved. The partner is no longer so attracted to the man, since he cannot surprise her with anything. And at this moment he begins to look for new experiences on the side, trying to plunge into new wave emotions and impressions with another woman.
It is extremely important for men to constantly be confident in their own strength, sexuality and irresistibility. And if he doesn’t feel this with his previous partner, then he can only get new emotions and impressions with a new sexual partner.
Oversupply parental love in childhood.
Raising boys in childhood is often done not only by mothers, but also by grandmothers. As a result, they receive female attention and love in great abundance, and they become addicted to them.
In adult life a man, on a subconscious level, tries to simulate the same situation that he had in childhood. For such an individual, the attention and love of his wife must necessarily intersect with the attention of his mistress.

As we see, any events, actions and inclinations observed in our adult life have a basis solid foundation. In most cases, this very basis originates in our childhood. Whatever happens to us in life has its own explanation.

IN modern psychology There are many techniques that can solve such problems that arise in family life. But before you decide to forgive your lover for cheating, you should visit a psychologist to find out about real reasons betrayal of a loved one.

Is it worth forgiving the betrayal of a loved one?

Before deciding whether to forgive betrayal or not, you should hide your own emotions deeply. It will be very difficult to do this, because after such a betrayal everything will seethe and bubble inside you. After betrayal, you will be overwhelmed by a hurricane of feelings, when resentment is overwhelmed by anger, despair is replaced by an aggressive state, and the desire to break off all relations with the traitor is replaced by fear of loneliness.

In this case, you should be more collected than ever, showing all your composure and fortitude. Not the best option will be influenced negative emotions. You should sit down, calm down and sensibly assess the current situation, and then make the only right decision as to whether you can forgive your lover for betrayal or not.

To do this, you should ask yourself a few questions:

What will happen to you if the cheater suddenly disappears from your life? How serious will the separation be for you personally, for you and your child (if you have one).
What happens if the traitor still remains a part of your life. Will you be able to maintain your relationship with your cheater at the same level, will you be able to forgive the betrayal and even improve your relationship with your lover? Do you gain anything by forgiving your cheating spouse?

Try to answer all these questions for yourself, even if you don’t want to touch on painful topics. It is advisable to make a list of the pros and cons of forgiving infidelity. This will promote acceptance the right decision, based not on emotions, but on logical reasoning. And after compiling this list, it is worth making a decision about forgiving or not forgiving the betrayal.
Decide for yourself whether you can live with a person next to you, knowing that he can betray you.

Treason is a whip that hits you only once - at the moment when you find out about everything.
All subsequent time you will cut yourself with it.
Evgeniy Panteleev

You should also pay attention to the behavior of the man who cheated on you. What feelings does he experience, does he repent, or is he trying to shield himself? By observing the person you have allowed into your heart, you can understand a lot about his personality. But do not forget that truly noble, brave and strong people have the ability to forgive.

Even if a person, in your opinion, is very bad, he still has the right to a second chance. It's not as scary as it really seems. Paradoxically, it often happens that it is betrayal that further strengthens family ties, making a man and a woman happy and their relationship harmonious.

According to statistics, 3 out of 4 men cheat on their wives. Every fourth woman on this list can consider herself happy and lucky. But what should the other three deceived spouses do? In fact, each situation is individual, but there are things that should never be done, and there are also points that cannot be ignored. What to do if cheating on the part of your husband does occur?

First stage: Control of emotions

When a woman’s betrayal of her beloved man becomes obvious, she is overcome by many feelings, all of them negative: pain, resentment, fear. In the first days, a woman is driven by precisely these emotions, which are multiplied by the desire for revenge. This is where it is very important to keep your feelings under control. You need to accept the fact that betrayal has already happened. This event cannot be changed. Under no circumstances should you “go all out”: go on sprees, drink until you pass out and sleep with any man who wants it. Yes, this can help a lot a short time, or to be more precise, until the morning, but time will pass, emotions will subside, and shame for your behavior can poison your life for a long time.

You need to distance yourself from the problem, but in such a way as to preserve your dignity. The best way- go somewhere to relax. If you can’t leave because of work, children, financial reasons and other difficulties, then you should start visiting theaters, cinema, and exhibitions. Art, oddly enough, can make a person forget about pain for a while and turn his thoughts in a different direction. It will also help to meet people who are easy to communicate with and who are also capable, if necessary, of playing the role of a “diaper-type vest,” and if not necessary, just not prying into your soul again.

During this period, you should not get hung up on the fact of betrayal, engage in soul-searching and curse your husband to the seventh generation. This will not change the situation, there will be no relief, it will only worsen the pain and resentment. If it’s unbearable, it’s better to cry, roar from the heart, driving out all the negativity from yourself and making room for positivity and a new life.

Next stage: Transformation

Even if a woman always takes care of herself, additional investment in her image is simply necessary! After all, after her husband’s betrayal, a woman is subconsciously tormented by the same questions: “Am I really worse than her? Am I really that unattractive and uninteresting?” In this case, nothing increases a woman’s self-esteem and self-confidence more than the compliments of other men. You can change your hairstyle, clothing style, update your wardrobe. The main thing is not to resort to such drastic changes that do not correspond to the woman’s character.

A multi-colored mohawk on the head and a miniskirt will require changes in both character and behavior, and this will require additional vitality, which are already in short supply in this situation. Therefore, it will be quite simple to improve your image by adding a few bright and eye-catching accents.

Final stage: Life is the same, but the values are different

When the emotions subside and the pain dulls, you need to analyze the situation: what caused the betrayal? If the problem is that the man he loves is simply promiscuous, and endless affairs on the side are the essence of his nature, then the woman needs to draw the appropriate conclusions for herself and avoid relationships with this type of man in the future.

If the reason for the betrayal was the woman’s behavior, her lifestyle, then you need to decide for yourself: either change something in yourself so that the situation does not repeat itself, or understand that nothing needs to be changed, and the beloved man was not the one for whom he is worth it. sacrifice oneself. It is also necessary to understand that every woman, first of all, must love herself. You need to learn to be selfish from time to time, of course, not to the detriment of the family, children, but so that for some time the whole world lies at the feet of a woman, and she feels like a queen: a little capricious, a little arrogant, but desired and loved.

Revenge for my husband's betrayal

Having discovered the fact of her husband’s betrayal, the woman, under the influence of emotions, decides to take revenge on him. With revenge, she tries to prove to her lover that she is also free to do as she pleases, and in this case we are talking about sexual contact with another man.

This idea is very bad, because it will bring nothing but an even greater feeling of guilt and devastation from within. Having entered into sexual contact with another man, the lady will then only be tormented by the thoughts “why am I better than my beloved, the same traitor.” Such self-deprecation often deals an irreparable blow to a woman’s pride and self-esteem.

Despite the fact that revenge has taken place, the cheating offender seems to have been punished, and you have proven to everyone that you still retain your attractiveness and sexuality in the eyes of the opposite sex, from now on you will have to live with a feeling of guilt towards your loved one, constantly looking away when talking to him.

In general, the situation with betrayal will repeat itself, but now in mirror image, and now you will have to beg your lover’s forgiveness for betrayal. Think about whether you need such a state of affairs when inside, in your soul, the fire of resentment for the betrayal of your beloved guy has not yet died out? It is likely that you do not need a second betrayal.

Is there life after a loved one's betrayal?

Suppose that after the betrayal of your beloved man, you managed to overcome grievances and forgive him for such an offense. Mutual understanding has been restored to the family, and the betrayal itself is forgotten. Very often, betrayal only benefits family relationships.

Couples in love are becoming even closer and dearer friend to a friend. Overcoming adversities and troubles together brings a man and a woman closer, making their marriage only stronger. Marriage statistics show that if spouses in a family have experienced infidelity and overcome the adversity associated with it, then their union can well be called strong and reliable.

This may seem incomprehensible, but after experiencing betrayal, spouses begin to trust each other much more, and the fairer sex suddenly begins to feel more confident. We can, of course, say that the past ordeal changed both spouses. And, of course, the betrayal was only confirmation that the love between these two is truly real.

The situation is completely different if your lover, after cheating, begins to irritate you incredibly, and your soul is constantly tormented by doubts as to whether you will be able to live and communicate in the future with this person.

In this state of affairs, the best way out would be separation, since only with its help can you try to maintain calm and self-control towards each other.

For such people, close, family and, especially, family relationships become impossible, but you can maintain friendship and continue to communicate with each other (for example, for the sake of a child). Moreover, it will be much easier to do this without preserving family relationships, but by parting like civilized and adult people.

Undoubtedly, after all these squabbles are over, a woman will have to draw certain conclusions for herself, and pay attention to the following data:

What kind of underwear does she wear at home, what does she wear when relaxing?
Every self-respecting lady should know that it is lingerie that makes a woman sexy and attractive in the eyes of a man.
Most women know about this, but over time, a certain relaxation occurs and self-care fades into the background. And completely in vain!
You should look at yourself carefully in the mirror, assessing it with an outside glance.
How do you look in front of your loved one when there is no need to do makeup and hair when going out, so to speak, in public?
How regularly do you maintain your own physical fitness? Do you go to a swimming pool or gym?
If you don’t have such activities in your life yet, be sure to start doing them. You can even enlist the support of a friend (or friends). This will allow you to combine benefits for your figure sports activities with friendly communication.
If there are children in your family, then they should be protected from discussing the unpleasant relationships of adults.
On the contrary, you should constantly emphasize that you love each other, and, of course, dote on your children.

What does it mean to survive betrayal?

Many psychologists use the concept of experiencing betrayal. To ordinary people Those who find themselves in such a difficult situation do not understand what it means to survive betrayal, what should be done for this?

There are several important rules here:

Is it possible to avoid cheating in the future?

Cheating cannot be considered the reason for the breakdown of your relationship with your other half. This is rather a consequence.

It wouldn’t even occur to either spouse to cheat just like that. First, there is some discord in the relationship, and only then against this background does betrayal occur.

Even if it seems to you that the betrayal occurred for no apparent reason, then you are deeply mistaken. Perhaps you simply missed the moment when family relationships took a negative turn.

Unfortunately, until now experts have not been able to find universal recipe, which would help many couples avoid cheating. For each individual case it is worth looking for your own solution to the problem. But how can you recognize alarm bell, signaling that love has begun to crumble?

Despite all the nuances, there are several important levers that will help spouses avoid cheating. True, you should learn to use them correctly.

1. In family relationships, you should never tolerate disrespect towards your partner.

Many married couples They make a huge mistake by sorting things out with each other in a raised voice, uttering insulting and not entirely flattering words towards each other.

Knowing about weak points, they “hit” each other where it hurts the most. Many people think that after reconciliation all these offensive phrases words spoken in the heat of emotion are forgotten. But no, the words, unfortunately, do not return back to their authors, but remain in the souls of those to whom they were addressed.

Alas, respect in this scenario completely disappears, and, as you know, without respect you cannot talk about harmonious development relationships between lovers. We can say that betrayal becomes the logical conclusion of outdated love.

2. You need to constantly monitor your appearance

No matter how much family partners love each other, they should not forget about their own appearance. No matter how strange it may sound, it is appearance that plays one of the main roles in the relationship between a man and a woman.

When a representative of the fairer sex stops caring for herself, her man, on a subconscious level, begins to look for a more attractive object for courtship on the side. No, love for your wife, of course, does not go away, but men, as you know, love with their eyes and want to see an attractive woman next to them.

3. Don’t allow indifference in relationships

Partners in family relationships often forget to show due attention to their loved ones and do not look at the happy and unsuccessful moments in the life of their other half.

The spouses seem to be confident that they have love, but at the same time they experience a certain indifference. What kind of love can we talk about in this case in a family where everyone is for himself? And in relationships where there is no love, betrayal often becomes a natural occurrence.

4. Constantly fight for your own love

The nature of betrayal can be completely different. Sometimes they can only be provocations of ill-wishers, and sometimes even ordinary inventions of their own.

If you really have feelings for your partner, fight for your own love. Even if it is too painful and unclear how you can continue to live with a person who could betray you, do not forget that in our life all situations can be interpreted in two ways.

Try to look at the situation from a different angle. It is likely that the current crisis will become a new stage in family relationships, which will only strengthen them. If you have the strength to forgive your lover (lover) and return old feelings, then, without a doubt, you will be able to find family happiness again.