Why is the child lazy to study. What to do if the child does not want to study in primary school. How to deal with laziness

Does your robber have deuces in his diary again? The child does not obey, but put him behind homework just impossible? Many parents have a situation where the child does not want to study, skips school and is not attentive in the classroom.

Often adults make many mistakes in order to force their daughter or son to study. This happens because there is no knowledge of how to instill a love of learning in children. Some begin to educate in the same way as they were raised in childhood. It turns out that the mistakes of education are passed from generation to generation. First, our parents suffer themselves and force us to study, then we apply the same torture to our children.

When a child does not study well, unhappy pictures are drawn in the head of what his future may be like. Instead of a prestigious university and a degree, a third-rate technical school. Instead of a brilliant career and a good salary, a job that is embarrassing to tell friends about. And instead of a salary, pennies, on which it is not clear how to live. Nobody wants that kind of future for their children.

To understand why our children do not feel like learning, we need to find the reason for this. There are a lot of them. Let's consider the main ones.

1) No desire and incentive to study

Many adults are used to forcing a child to do something against his will, to impose his opinion. If the student resists doing what he does not want, this means that his personality is not broken. And that's okay.

There is only one way to involve a child in learning - to interest him. Of course, teachers should think about this first of all. An uninterestingly designed program, boring teachers who lead a lesson without taking into account the age of the children - all this contributes to the fact that the child will avoid learning and be lazy in completing tasks.

2) Stress at school

People are arranged as follows: first, simple needs for food, sleep, security are satisfied. But the need for new knowledge and development is already in the background. School for children sometimes becomes a real source of stress. Where kids experience different things every day negative emotions such as: fear, tension, shame, humiliation.

In fact, 70% of the reasons why children do not want to study and go to school are just because of stress. ( bad relationship with peers, teachers, insults from older comrades)

Parents may think: after all, there were only 4 lessons, the child says that he is tired, so he is lazy. In fact stressful situations take a lot of energy from him. Yes, and causes a negative to this environment. Therefore, he begins to think poorly, his memory works worse, he looks inhibited. Before attacking a child and forcing him by force, it is better to ask how he is doing at school. Was it difficult for him? How is his relationship with other children and teachers?

Case from practice:
We had an 8 year old boy. According to the boy's mother, in the last few months he began to skip classes, often did not do his homework. And before that, although he was not an excellent student, he studied diligently and there were no special problems with him.

It turned out that a new student was transferred to their class, who in every possible way mocked the child. He ridiculed him in front of his comrades and even used physical strength extorted money. The child, due to his inexperience, did not know what to do with it. He did not complain to his parents or teachers, because he did not want to be known as a sneak. And I couldn't solve the problem myself. Here is a clear example of how stressful conditions make it difficult to gnaw at the granite of science.

3) Pressure resistance

The psyche works in such a way that when we are under pressure, we resist with all our might. How more mother with his father, they force the student to do homework by force, the more he begins to avoid it. This once again confirms the fact that this situation cannot be corrected by force.

4) Low self-esteem, disbelief in yourself

Excessive criticism of parents towards the child leads to his low self-esteem. If no matter what the student does, you still can’t please, then this is just such a case. Motivation completely disappears. What difference does it make whether they put 2 or 5, anyway no one will praise, will not appreciate what they deserve, will not say a kind word.

5) Too much control and help

There are parents who literally teach themselves instead of their child. They collect a briefcase for him, do homework with him, command what, how and when to do it. In this case, the student takes a passive position. There is no need for him to think with his own head and he is not capable of answering for himself. Motivation also disappears, as he acts as a puppet.

It should be noted that this is quite common in modern families and is a big problem. Parents themselves spoil their child, trying to help him. Total control kills independence and responsibility. And this pattern of behavior passes into adulthood.

Case from practice:

Irina turned to us for help. She had problems with the academic performance of her 9-year-old daughter. If the mother was late at work or went on a business trip, the girl did not do her homework. In the lessons she also behaved passively and if the teacher did not look after her, then she was distracted and did other things.

It turned out that Irina interfered heavily in the learning process from the first grade. She controlled her daughter excessively, literally did not let her take a step on her own. Here is the disastrous result. The daughter did not at all strive to study, she believed that only her mother needed it, and not her. And she only did it under duress.

There is only one treatment here: stop patronizing the child and explain why you need to study at all. At first, of course, he will relax and do nothing. But over time, he will understand that he still needs to learn somehow and will slowly begin to organize himself. Of course, it won't work all at once. But after a while it will get better and better.

6) You need to give rest

When a student comes home from school, he needs 1.5-2 hours to rest. At this time, he can do his favorite things. There is also a category of mothers and fathers, which begins to press on the child as soon as he enters the house.

Questions about grades are pouring in, requests to show the diary and instructions to sit down for homework. If you do not give the baby a rest, his concentration will be noticeably reduced. And in a tired state, he will begin to dislike school and everything connected with it even more.

7) Quarrels in the family

An unfavorable atmosphere at home is a serious obstacle to good grades. When in the family frequent quarrels and scandals, the child begins to worry, become nervous and withdrawn. Sometimes he even begins to blame himself for everything. As a result, all his thoughts are occupied with the current situation, and not with the desire to study.

8) Complexes

There are children with a non-standard appearance or with not very well developed speech. They often receive a lot of ridicule. Therefore, they experience a lot of suffering and try to be invisible, avoiding answers at the blackboard.

9) Bad company

Even in the first grade, some students manage to connect with dysfunctional friends. If friends do not want to learn, then your child will support them in this.

10) Dependencies

Children, like adults from an early age, can have their own addictions. IN primary school These are games, entertainment with friends. At 9-12 years old - a passion for computer games. In transitional age - bad habits and street company.

11) Hyperactivity

There are children with excess energy. They are characterized by poor perseverance and concentration. In this regard, it is difficult for them to sit in class and listen without being distracted. And hence - bad behavior and even frustrated lessons. Such children need to visit additionally sport sections. Detailed tips for you can read in this article.

If you correctly understand the cause of poor teaching at school, then we can assume that 50% of the problem has already been solved. In the future, you need to develop an action plan, thanks to which it will be possible to encourage the student to study. Screams, scandals, swearing - it never worked. Understanding your child and helping him with the difficulties that have arisen is what will create the right motivation.

13 Practical Tips on How to Motivate Your Student to Get A's

The first thing every parent should know is that the child should be praised for any success.
Then he will naturally develop a desire to learn. Even if he does something not yet good enough, he still needs to be praised. After all, he almost coped with the new task and put a lot of effort into this. This is very important condition, without which it is impossible to force a child to learn.
In no case do not scold for mistakes, because they learn from mistakes.
If a child is scolded for something that he does not succeed, then he will forever desire will disappear do this. Making mistakes is a natural process, even for adults. Children, on the other hand, do not have such life experience and only learn new tasks for themselves, so you need to be patient, and if something does not work out for your child, it would be better to help him figure it out.
Do not give gifts for studying
Some adults, for the purpose of motivation, promise various gifts to their children or monetary rewards for good studies. You don't have to do that. Of course, at first the baby will find an incentive and begin to try in school, but over time he will begin to demand more and more. AND small gifts stop satisfying him. In addition, study is his daily obligatory actions and the child must understand this. Therefore, the issue of motivation will not be resolved in a similar way in the long term.
You need to show your son or daughter the full degree of responsibility that lies in this lesson - study
To do this, explain why you need to study at all. Often children who do not have much interest in learning do not understand why this is necessary. They have a lot of other interesting things to do, and classes at school interfere with this.
Sometimes parents demand too much from their children.
Even now, the training program is several times more difficult than before. Moreover, if the child, in addition to this, goes to developing circles, then overwork can naturally occur. Don't expect your child to be perfect. It is quite natural that some subjects are more difficult for him, and it takes more time to understand them.
If any of the items is given to your son or daughter especially hard, then good decision will hire a tutor
It is better to inculcate the habit of studying from the 1st grade
If a child in the first grade learns to achieve his goals, complete the tasks and for which he will receive praise and respect from adults, then he will no longer go astray.
Help see positive change
When your child succeeds in something very difficult, support him every time. More often say phrases like: “Well, now you do it much better! And if you continue in the same spirit, you will do very well!” But never use: “Try a little more and then it will be good.” Thus, you do not recognize the child's small victories. It is very important to maintain it and notice the slightest changes.
Set an example
Do not try to teach your child to do homework while you watch TV and relax in other ways. Children love to copy their parents. If you want your child to develop, for example, to read books, instead of messing around, do it yourself.
Maintain
If the student has a difficult test, support him. Tell him that you believe in him, that he will succeed. Especially if he tries hard, then success is inevitable. It is necessary to support even when he completely failed something. Many mothers and fathers prefer to reprimand in such a case. It is better to reassure the child and say that next time he will definitely cope. You just need to put in a little more effort.
Share experiences
Explain to your child that you can't always do what you want. Yes, I understand that you don’t like math so much, but it needs to be studied. You will be able to bear it easier if you share it with your loved ones.
Point to good qualities child
Even if it is so far from doing well in school, but positive traits baby, as the ability to help others, charm, the ability to negotiate. This will help in creating adequate self-esteem and find support within yourself. And normal self-esteem, in turn, will create self-confidence.
Consider the wishes and aspirations of the child himself
If your kid is interested in music or drawing, you do not need to force him to attend a class with a mathematical bias. No need to break the kid to say you know best. All children are different and each has their own talents and abilities. Even if you force the student to do not like the subject, he will not achieve great success in him. Because success is only where there is love for the cause and interest in the process.

Should you force your child to study?

As you probably already understood from this article, forcing a child to learn by force is a useless exercise. So you will only make it worse. It is better to create the right motivation. To create motivation, you need to understand why he needs it. What will he gain from his studies? For example, in the future he will be able to get the profession he dreams of. And without education, he will not have any profession at all and will not be able to earn his living.

When a student has a goal and an idea why he should study, then there is a desire and ambition.

And of course, you need to deal with the problems that prevent your child from becoming a successful student. There is no other way to do this, but to talk to him and find out.

I hope these practical advice help you improve your children's academic performance. If you still have questions, you can always contact us for help at. An experienced child psychologist will help as soon as possible to find out all the reasons why the child experiences difficulties and unwillingness to learn. Together with you, they will develop a work plan that will help your child feel the taste for learning.

Most often, by the laziness of a child, we understand the unwillingness to make strong-willed efforts, the preference for free time. labor activity. With an adult, everything seems to be clear. But what is laziness in a child? Why is the child lazy? How can one talk about volitional efforts in a baby when his will itself is just beginning to take shape? Let's try to figure it out.

Causes of children's laziness

Babies are not naturally lazy. Every healthy child early or preschool age very active. The desire to experience everything, to try, curiosity and interest in everything that surrounds him are signs of a normal physical and mental development baby. From a three-year-old, you constantly hear: “I myself!”, And this phrase determines the child’s readiness to make his own discoveries and make his own mistakes. If the child is passive, does not want to do anything and is healthy at the same time, parents believe that he is simply lazy, although usually there are other reasons behind this behavior.

Overprotection. Parents are so often in a hurry somewhere and are afraid of so many things around that it is much easier for them to protect the baby from manifestations of independence for as long as possible. After all, if the child will dress himself, you can be late, and if you give him a spoon while eating, you will have to clean the entire kitchen and wash clothes. Adults often brush aside his attempts to help: “Don’t touch the vacuum cleaner - you’ll hurt yourself!”, “Oh, don’t get into flour, now you’ll scatter everything.” And then it turns out that the kid does not put his things together, does not want to clean up toys after himself, and generally prefers to lie down and watch cartoons.
Overwork. Adults often call laziness the child's ordinary fatigue and his desire to rest. Trying to diversify the childhood of the baby, we often do not notice that he is overloaded with all sorts of activities. Swimming pool, school early development, drawing, English ... All this often causes overwork in the crumbs and the need to “turn off” and do nothing.
Features of temperament. Sometimes parents take for laziness the peculiarities of the temperament of the baby. Some children are slow and will sway for a long time before starting something. Others, on the contrary, are restless, it is difficult for them to follow the rules. The inner warehouse dictates its own conditions, which the child obeys until he learns to control himself with volitional efforts.
Fear of failure. The child may be lazy in response to the high expectations of adults. It happens that he simply does not know how to approach a difficult example written in workbook to prepare for school. If at this moment the support of the parents does not connect, and even someone “caringly” says: “What did you do so badly!”, The child becomes lazy. Why bother if it doesn't work anyway?
Lack of motivation. It is difficult for children under 5 years old to comprehend the word “must”. If he does not understand why it is necessary to perform this or that action, he will in every possible way avoid an unpleasant occupation. By the way, right up to school, the main activity of the child, which he needs for full-fledged mental development, is a game. Therefore, while playing, the baby is not lazy, but rather works. And in order for him to be engaged with the same zeal, for example, in copybooks and all kinds of useful “outlines”, this activity should be of interest to him. How then to cope with laziness in a baby? In fact, it is not so difficult if you show patience and imagination.

Method number 1. We fight laziness in a child with the right personal example

The child perceives not so much the words as a good example. Therefore, asking the baby to put his clothes in a chest of drawers, lying on the couch with a magazine, is pointless, especially if someone in the family leaves things on the chair himself. It is also useless to tell a child about the benefits of performing some duties if he sees that you yourself treat your affairs with hostility. Therefore, instead of words - deeds! Do you need your child to pick up toys? Do it first, but not with reproaches, but with a smile on your face, and the child will immediately rush to help you. A small contribution can also be made by correctly selected cartoons and fairy tales (“Moydodyr”, “Fedorino's grief”, etc.), but only when viewed together, listening and discussing.

Method number 2. You can overcome laziness by trial and error

Give your child the opportunity to enjoy independence when he himself strives for it. Yes, a three-year-old kid does everything somehow, and he has to be corrected, but how else? Only by starting to do something on your own, you can learn it.

It is necessary not to miss the moment and give the baby some freedom in time, which will allow him to see the consequences of his actions (for example, he did not put the caps on the felt-tip pens, and they dried up) and learn how to correct them (later, when mom - not right away! - will buy him new felt-tip pens , he will treat them more carefully, remembering the “difficult period of creativity”, when only pencils remained at his disposal).

Method number 3. Turn boring things into games

If a child is lazy, then he is not interested. Therefore, the task of adults is to bring an element of the game even into boring affairs. For example, instead of cleaning, play the salespeople of a toy store, placing goods on the shelves. And the competition with mom or older brother “Who is faster?” will add dynamism to any process. Create good motivation for the baby, because the child must understand why he should make an effort. Perhaps because the process itself will become interesting, or so that mom has free time to read a book to him.

Method number 4. We fight laziness in a child, giving him feasible duties

Laziness is not always a bad habit. If the baby suddenly began to be lazy, first of all, sort out the situation. Perhaps your demands are too much for him, do not correspond to his age, or maybe the child is not feeling well (physically or psychologically) and needs help. Pay attention to whether he has enough free time for doing nothing, because such moments are of great importance for a child: he fantasizes, reflects, just takes a break from sections and circles. Set aside some day or conditions for the baby when he could be lazy by right. For example, walking in pajamas until lunch on Saturday, not undressing on their own after a long evening workout, etc. Sometimes parents should not be too principled, but make concessions, find a compromise.

Method number 5. Laziness will win positive expectations

In order for the baby not to be lazy, it is necessary that he wants to work. And in this the most important role is played by the attitude of those close to the activity itself and the results of his work. The child should feel that his efforts are noticed and appreciated. This does not mean that you should praise any of his efforts, but you should celebrate achievements and show your baby that you believe in more best result. Do not forget to praise and thank the baby, emphasize his successes and do not focus on mistakes. After all, in this way you instill in him a love of work and motivation to achieve success. A good incentive for a “lazy” child can be to keep a calendar or a diary of completed tasks, in which he, together with his parents, can mark and track his progress in learning to work hard. Entries in such a diary can become a kind of ritual.

Children at a young age are very receptive, so all parents can cope with children's laziness if they are ready to use a creative approach.

If you want your child to do something useful (sports, music), you need to interest him. The kid must realize that he likes it, and not his parents. Otherwise, to adolescence he will still quit the imposed business, risking getting hooked on addictions (hangout in social networks, alcohol, bad companies).

Parents who require diligence from a child should be guided by the principle of expediency. It is necessary to determine the time during which the baby is able to hold attention (usually 10-20 minutes). And try to ensure that the tasks that are offered to him do not require longer timing. You should not force the child to finish what he started here and now.

You can often hear complaints from parents: “My something is completely lazy - he studies somehow, is not interested in anything ...”, “Try to make this lazy person do something!”, “Constantly lazy, even the simplest things are done somehow ... ".

So why is the problem of child laziness so common?

Why a child is lazy: laziness as a protest

I do not condone lazy people (including lazy children). Constant laziness can create problems with learning, and in the long run, it will have a negative impact on the formation of the child's personality!

But before thinking about how to wean a child from being lazy, you need to understand why he is lazy in this particular case, what gave impetus to the appearance of laziness?

And it’s better to deal with the root causes than to force the child to do something “under pressure”: the threat of punishment, lectures, screams, etc. Yes, in most cases it is possible to force - but the goal is the appearance of real internal motivation in the child!

Before deciding what to do if a child is lazy, you need to understand one indisputable truth: laziness is a defensive reaction of the psyche! And this defensive reaction manifests itself when they want more from a child than what he is capable of without damage to the mental and physical development etc.

An incredibly common situation: the mother leads to child psychologist a “pathological lazy person” who is not interested in any of the five circles where he is taken, neither in school, nor in household chores - and in his occasional free time, he strives to just sit back, relax in front of a TV or computer, etc. They talk with the child - and it turns out that he really does not want anything and only dreams of blissful idleness or games! Mother gasps and sighs that he has such versatile abilities, he is so smart, he began to study so well, and ... where did this lazy child?! What to do?!

The psychologist suggests unloading the child's schedule - because the younger he is, the more free, unregulated time he should have!

Mom is horrified: what about the violin? ? karate?! Is it really possible to fix a lazy person... by allowing him to be lazy?!

In fact - that's right! With an excessive load on the child's psyche, overwork, the child "breaks the fuses" - and the breakdown manifests itself in the form of total indifference to activities that previously interested him, in the form of laziness!

Laziness as a result of the evaluative perception of the child by adults

I will give one real conversation that happened to me with an 8-year-old boy. I work with children. Coming in children's team, I invited all the children to draw, handed out paper and pencils, but this child refused. Without insisting or forcing, I asked why he did not want to draw?

“Will I get a grade for this?”

— No, we're not at school, I don't give grades. Are you just not interested in drawing?

- No! I would draw if I got a good mark for it ... Or for money!

— ??? And without grades and money, do you do anything?

— Mmm… Nope!

“But imagine that you don’t go to school at all - no one ever gives you grades, but they don’t give you money either - just mom and dad buy you what you need or want. What would you do?!

— Nothing! Just eat and sleep!!

It is clear that in the next 40 minutes, while the other kids were drawing, this “merchant” managed to run around the whole room 10 times, find the ball and knock it against the wall, bring the girl to tears, taking away her pencils, and with his noisy “idleness” get me, class teacher and classmates...

Of course, this child, with all the sincerity of his answer, nevertheless “lied to himself” - children are incapable of only sleeping, eating and spitting at the ceiling (how wonderfully some adults do!). Every child is constantly doing something. Another thing is that these actions may be clearly "unproductive" - they do not correspond to what is required to be done at that moment.

Parents may consider that the child is lazy if he spends his leisure time in such an “unproductive” way, refusing help around the house, not being interested in some extracurricular circles, etc. And the whole reason is that ... they themselves teach him to expect evaluation for every action that requires some effort and is not entertainment!

And a child who is accustomed to the evaluation system may simply not understand - why do something if there will be nothing for it?

A child is taught to be lazy ... by parents!

Very often a child in laziness takes an example from his parents. Of course, if mom or dad lies on the couch all the time and is not an example of diligence, then it is hardly worth wanting something else from a child.

But there are cases that are paradoxical at first glance - the parents themselves are constantly spinning “like a squirrel in a wheel”, they never get tired of repeating how important it is to work, why it is worth getting rid of laziness, etc., and the child ... looks, listens and is lazy!

Why? But because it is very difficult, uninteresting - but at the same time they overcome it every day!

Let’s say, “I also hate my job, I also don’t want to go there and wake up at seven in the morning, but I heroically carry this burden - so let’s do your duties!”. The same thing about household chores: “Yes, washing dishes is boring and disgusting, but I do it for you!”, “I don’t even unbend my back on weekends - I do everything for cleanliness and beauty in the house, and why are you sitting down ?! ", etc.

Accordingly, the child concludes: “Work and study are hard and disgusting, so why should I rake up such unpleasant things for myself - to suffer with all this just like my mother ?! I'd rather have fun and avoid the hardships of life altogether!

What to do if the child is lazy?

Lazy child: what to do? Of course, in each specific situation, various measures will be effective - parents themselves must understand what is happening with their child! The site site will tell you only what you should think about:

Settle the child's schedule - leave him enough free time, do not try to schedule and take something useful every minute! How younger age- the more time for games and entertainment should be! Try to feel for yourself the line beyond which the child begins to tire and lose interest in classes!
Think about the motivation for useful deeds: ideally, it should be not “carrot and stick”, but interest! If possible, tell your child how interesting it is to do this and that, how fun, exciting and easy it is to do something, etc.
When weaning your child from being lazy, try to be more positive and easier to relate to your the right things and responsibilities! The child sees everything and draws conclusions!

We hope that in this way the problem of childish laziness in your family will be solved!

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Not all parents can boast that their son or daughter is not too lazy to perform personal care procedures, clean up the room, wash dishes and run to the store.

Children's laziness is a fairly common phenomenon that threatens with complications in future life. After all, what cannot be invested in a child before puberty - responsibility, punctuality, decision-making ability, the ability to properly manage one's personal time - will result in unfulfillment, low adaptability and uncompetitiveness in adult life.

Therefore, the problem is much more serious than it might seem at first glance, and you should not dismiss it, but look for the reasons for the behavior of a lazy child and try to gently correct them.

Why is the child lazy

Any character trait has some basis. Psychologists advise to carefully consider your baby, analyze his behavior and see real reasons making him lazy.

Perhaps the "sluggishness" of the baby is explained by his natural inhibition, which underlies individual features personality.

The phlegmatic temperament of the child does not allow him to do everything quickly, and this seems unwilling to parents. It is impossible to push, and even more so to scold, such children - you can only stimulate them with the fastest onset of the result.

Slowness is not always bad, such children are distinguished by composure, perseverance, thoroughness and painstaking work in the classroom. In this case, such a "lazy" child is better than an active friend-classmate who cannot concentrate on any of his many tasks.

Motivation is the fuel for activity even in adults, and even more so in children.

“Properly stimulating” does not include material interest, otherwise your relationship with the child risks sliding into the vulgar sphere of the market for the rest of your life. That's why they and parents should try to turn the ordinary household routine into an interest for the baby, and not a tedious duty.

The workload of the child with compulsory classes should be critically reviewed.

Recently, it has been fashionable to raise a successful child prodigy at all costs, without taking into account either the child's abilities or his interests. The continuous series of "school - section - a foreign language - a dance club" lead sooner or later to inevitable physical and psychological exhaustion. Banal fatigue and is manifested by unwillingness to do anything.

Increase self-confidence.

If by nature the child is not self-confident, shy and restrained, psychologically dependent on the elders, then he may simply be afraid that he will not be able to cope with the affairs, and not at all lazy, as the mother thinks. So that such children are not lazy, only a gradual increase in self-confidence and constant attention to his success, albeit, for starters, in small undertakings, will help.

The most common mistake parents make is that by their behavior they themselves have atrophied his ability to be independent.

Everyone is familiar with the picture when the baby, according to the mother, is a lazy person, cannot quickly collect toys or finish eating porridge, and begins to do it for him - she removes them herself and feeds them from a spoon.

Of course, this becomes an attitude for him - “I don’t have to do it myself - my mother will do it.” It is difficult to change such an attitude, but it is necessary, otherwise it is fraught with the formation of a habit in the future that someone should do his job for him.

Ways to solve the problem

As you can see, the behavior of parents is the main factor in the origin of laziness, in the creation of “hothouse” conditions under which there is no need to show initiative and responsibility.

A lazy child is not a sentence forever, but an incentive to solve pedagogical and psychological issues: "what to do to raise a successful and hardworking person."

Daily and persistently you need to accustom children to work:

Personal example of labor participation, involving them in cooperation.
Presence creativity in any uninteresting activity. Over time, this need will disappear, but the baby's habit will remain.
Stimulation of independence - let him do something clumsily, but on his own. Do not forget to praise even for an accidentally broken plate - it is important that he himself wanted to wash it.
Avoid unconstructive criticism, do not call the child offensive epithets if he does not cope. It is better to discuss together the reasons for his failures and support him by instilling confidence
In the household, make a specific list of tasks that require his participation. Let small, but mandatory. Their implementation will not require much time, but will allow you to develop organization, independence and responsibility.

Capable but lazy child

Imagine, at the age of three, he himself, learned all the letters by cubes. Knew all colors. Poems could read an hour in a row without stopping. All my friends were surprised. Once you read it to him, he will already remember half of it. And favorite books so "read". If I tried to cut somewhere, he immediately said: "No, not like that!" - and corrected as needed. I sometimes even wondered why he even needed me to read them if he knew everything by heart.

When we went to school to enter, everyone warned us: in order to enter this school, you need blat or money. And we just came for testing. I prepared him, of course, and he went to the school preparation group. But this, I'll tell you honestly, was a so-so group. Everything that happened there, he already knew. He was bored there in the classroom, and the teacher said: “Yes, Valera knows everything, but I can’t ask him alone all the time.” He went there only to play with the guys... So, we came for testing. He passed the written tour with a bang and the same on the oral difficult questions were, but the teacher who accepted only shook her head: "What capable child! How advanced!"

Have you come to me to find out how best to develop a gifted child? - I decided to intervene in the monologue, because the situation was not too clear for me. What to listen to? What to pay attention to? - But your strong school probably has a psychologist. He will be able to give you more qualified, pedagogically oriented advice. Or is there something else? Does Valera have health problems?

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! - Mom earnestly tapped her knuckles on the arm of the chair. - With our health
Everything is fine.
"Then what brings you to me?"
He doesn't want to study! Can you imagine?! With his powers! The teacher said: "Either your Valera
takes over, or look for another school."
- But maybe you are exaggerating your son's abilities, and it is really difficult for him to study in this, most likely complicated and enhanced program. Preschool geeks don't always turn into
into good students...

No, doctor, you believe me! He was an excellent student in the first two classes. And it's not hard to learn! If he somehow worked, then this program would be for him - ugh! And he is like that in everything! Last year we went to music school. They entered the competition, again without any cronyism. It seems like he wanted to. For the first three months, the teacher could not boast. And six months later, he quit. I won't go, that's all. You see, I have a feeling that he is not developing, but degrading. I used to read a lot, now I don't read much at all. All day long he can watch TV or play on the computer. But there were also karate, volleyball, even ballroom dancing ... He gave up everything.
- But why? How does Valera explain his refusal?
- Doesn't explain anything! Tired of everything! My father and I went to all sorts of explanations and teachings - nothing helps.
- Probably, I need to meet with Valera himself. What grade is he in now?
- Finishes sixth.

Valera turned out to be a pretty, sociable boy, with delicate features and graceful movements. He willingly talked about school and family, easily, almost imperceptibly making fun of himself and the people around him. About each he said something good, something funny and always mentioned some of the shortcomings. For example, about the class teacher, he said that she is an honored teacher, she teaches a very interesting elective for high school students, she can’t stand it at all when she is objected to, and in class she repeats all the time: “You need to think with your head,” as if people can think in some other way. any place.

When I asked Valera how he explains the situation that has developed in his school, the boy laughed coquettishly and said:
- That's the way I am. "Able, but lazy" - so our teacher says.
- What do you think about this?
- I don't know.
- But you will have to change schools, part with friends ...
- I don’t know, maybe it will manage somehow ... I’ll pull myself up ...

What about the circles you started and quit? What is this?
- Well, at first I was interested everywhere, and then at every lesson - the same thing, the same thing. Boring!
- What's interesting?
- Well, it's interesting to walk, - Valera brightens up. - Fighters on TV are interesting to watch. Play on the computer. It is also interesting to go somewhere, to travel. I love excursions. We often have them at school. Go to museums. Encyclopedias are very interesting. And much more!

It seems to be a paradoxical situation. The boy is clearly gifted by nature. Quite decent conditions in the family and learning conditions (this is confirmed by both my mother and Valera himself). He's interested in a lot of things. And his studies at school do not add up and stable cognitive interests are not formed. Why?

Why can children learn but don't want to?

Strange as it may sound for people over thirty, today's children often do not want to learn for a very simple reason: they do not know what it is for. There is a very good children's anecdote. A boy comes to his mother and says:

Mom, say "fun".
- Why is this? - Feeling some kind of catch, the mother asks suspiciously.
- Well, you just say: "fun".
- What does that even mean?
- Yes, you do not ask anything, you just say: "fun!"
- Yes, I will not say any nonsense!
- You will not? So don't make me then English language learn!

Our children are not the same as we were. This is a banal truth, but in everyday life it is often forgotten. Our children
more different from us than we were from our parents. They live in another country, under a different social system. Arguments that somehow affected us often simply do not reach them. Fifteen-twenty years ago, the vague concept of some kind of "duty" (either to the country, or to future generations, or not at all to whom) was, nevertheless, a completely effective reality. The father said to his son:
- You think he doesn't want to study. Must and all! Here I am, you think I want to get up every day at half past five
and go to the factory? However, I am going. Because it should. And you have to study.

And behind this generally paradoxical statement for both the father and the son, there was some kind of reality. The son, observing the life of his father and the people around him, vaguely understood what in question and, at least, did not discard the father's explanation, as they say, "from the threshold."

For today's children, the announcement that they must learn is an empty phrase. Quite doubtful are the statements that, only by studying, you can get a good job in life. Our children are not stupid at all and every day they see people who, if they learned something well, obviously did not do it at school. Nevertheless, these people are perfectly (often much better than their pro-educational parents) "arranged" in life. In addition, children, especially those under the age of 14, are generally not very capable of predictive thinking. Thinking today about what will happen to them in five or six years, and even somehow subordinating today's actions to this is an overwhelming work for their minds.

So what to do? The only way out is to show children every day, at every opportunity, that knowledge and education make a person's life more interesting, more fulfilling, and expand the boundaries of the world accessible to him. Accessible not in terms of "take and eat", but in terms of "understand". And this understanding (and, ultimately, management) can bring no less, and often more satisfaction than direct possession. Explain with child-friendly examples. Now few children want to become astronauts, but many dream of a business. Most of them have absolutely no idea what it is. Explain to them. Be able to prove that business is, first of all, a correct understanding of the situation and the actions of people, and secondly, managing all this in the interests of the business. Let them know that there is a special science that deals with all this, and by the time they grow up, no business without the application of this science will be simply impossible, just as it is impossible to fly into space without using the achievements of mathematics and physics.

Another reason why quite capable and even gifted children often do not study is a lack of interest in learning. They are simply not interested, and none of your beliefs and threats will help here. The only way out in this case (if the child is really gifted) is to find a school or program that is quite adequate to the child's abilities. Interest in learning will return - academic performance will return.

Sometimes children's academic performance suffers because of conflicts at school. In the middle grades (5-8) this is especially common. The child claims to be a leader, but does not have the strength or ability to lead others. The child is caught between two "groups", cannot determine his position, conflicts with both sides and, of course, always loses. A new, not very sociable student came to the class where the relationship had already developed. He has no friends, during breaks he stands alone at the wall, not daring to take part in the noisy games of his classmates, does not respond to clumsy "prompts", attempts to involve him in communication. Gradually, such a child becomes a scapegoat and, as a result, cannot study well, does not want to go to school.

These and many other situations are united by one thing - the child's inability to establish adequate relationships with peers, a violation of his social functioning. Violation of academic performance here is secondary, comes from the fact that the child lives in constant voltage and gradually becomes neurotic. In this case, it is necessary to analyze the causes of conflicts between the child and classmates, and contact a specialist for individual or group psychotherapy. As in other cases, here it is necessary to find a resource that you can rely on when restoring broken communications (for example, a child communicates well with peers in the country), and provide the child with all possible support in the family. Disrupted relationships at school are always predominantly a misfortune, not the fault of the child. Therefore, parents should mainly think about how to help him, and not about what he can be blamed for.

Sometimes the reason for studying below the capabilities or even failure is the unformed cognitive interests of the child. Such children, as a rule, grow up in single-parent or socially disadvantaged families, left to their own devices from an early age. The abilities of such a child can be quite high, but the area of his interests is very narrow, lies within the courtyard or quarter, where he communicates with the same as him, "children of the street", of course, without enriching himself in any way from them and without enriching them in any way, apart from practical survival skills. Sometimes these children produce very pleasant impression their independence and intelligence, but their future, as a rule, is not drawn in rosy colors. Despite quite satisfactory abilities in elementary school, they, as a rule, are listed as "lagging behind."

IN high school they might get lucky. This will happen if on their way they meet a talented teacher who will be able to convey to such a child his love and his interest in any subject, thereby awakening the "dormant" capabilities of the child's brain. It is not at all necessary that the child's life will subsequently be connected with chemistry or botany, but the brain has already begun to work, and the process of forming cognitive interests has begun, food for which can be found almost everywhere. We all heard, and read more about such cases. Unfortunately, they are extremely rare in real life. The author was lucky to observe only two such episodes.

Reading and non-reading children

It's no secret that today more and more children grow up without picking up a book. Their literary experience in this case is limited to comics, more or less casual magazines, and subsequently to half-hearted attempts to master the works of the school curriculum in an abbreviated form. How to deal with this state of affairs and is it necessary to deal with it at all? - this is the question that parents often ask in one way or another. Let's try to figure it out.

What is the reason why children today read less on average than their peers 15-20 years ago? It can be assumed that several reasons are responsible for this, including a change in the characteristics of the information flow, a general acceleration in the pace of life, a change in social values, and a changed attitude towards the book in general. Let's start with the last one - watching the colorful collapses of half-naked girls and space monsters (namely, this is how our children see books for the first time), it would not occur to any normal person to utter some quite banal for previous generations a phrase like "I owe all the best in myself to the book" or "Love the book - the source of knowledge", or even "The book is sacred." Far from everyone reaches the high library halls and dusty tomes, and any child of absolutely any age has seen a lot of book collapses.

Further. An increasing amount of information, especially information relevant to youth and mass culture in general, comes today through audio-video products, television, as well as through a computer and computer networks. This is an objective reality, and there is nothing you can do about it.

The general acceleration of the pace of life and, perhaps, even some aspects of thinking lies in the fact that a child from childhood gets used to a certain specific amount of information and events per unit of screen or book time. This number, according to modern cartoons and video clips, very large. Most adults are simply not able to follow these endless "slaps", chases, shudders and falls, which modern cartoon characters are subjected to with resilient constancy. Children make it easy. Accustomed to such a "density of information", our children, of course, have difficulty reading, for example, English or Russian novels of the nineteenth century, where the speed of the existence of events and images is fundamentally different from the latest clip of the Nogu Svelo group or the modern production of the Disney film studio. In order for them to do this, however, special techniques are needed, which we will discuss below.

And finally, today a child or teenager who spends most of his life reading fiction or non-fiction is often perceived by other children as an almost comical character. Even if this is not the case, then peers, in any case, have (often justified) doubts about the adaptability of such a child, that is, youth public opinion is gradually moving away from "high-browed" towards sociable "boys and girls." Thus, we are again, already in the next generation, "catching up with America."

Summarize. Children read little, and this seems to be normal. But suppose we have a fairly cultured, reading family that is righteously and slightly snobbishly trembling under the modern dominance of mass culture, and that would like by all means to ensure that their children read books. What should such parents do? First of all, decide. What would you like to see in the hands of your children? Modern crime-love-fantasy fiction? You don't even have to stress too much here. From early childhood, buy your child comics about ninja turtles and the adventures of Barbie dolls. Later, buy a couple of literary expositions of your child’s favorite TV shows, read and discuss with your family the latest detective story by Alexandra Marinina or the latest fantasy novel by Nick Perumov. Sooner or later, the child will also join you. If you still didn't join, don't be discouraged, he didn't lose much. Besides, it's not evening yet. Everything will be fine.

Do you want your child to "carry Belinsky and Gogol from the market", to be read by Pushkin, Moliere and Dostoevsky? Here is where you have to work hard. For starters, you have to forget about comics and magazines with stickers. Read aloud little child children's "classics", accustoming him to strange to adult ears folk tales(try the African ones - you yourself will get a huge impression), and to the sluggish descriptions of Bianchi, and to the dryish politicization of Rodari, and to the obvious socialist rhetoric of Nosov. Don't forget the didactics of Leo Tolstoy and Konstantin Ushinsky.

Starting from the age of five or six, move on to historical stories for children ("The Adventures of a Primitive Boy", "Plates of a Stone Book"), stories about animals and sentimental stories (Lydia Charskaya, "Little Lord Fauntleroy", "Without a Family", etc.). d.). Even when the child learns to read on his own, do not stop reading aloud to him., because, of course, he freely reads the primer or reader for the second grade, but large, interesting books he himself has not yet mastered. You can read in turns, you can arrange family readings. But somewhere from the age of eight you show cunning.

The trick is that the reading ends at the most interesting and dramatic place, you have an urgent matter, and the book remains lying on the corner of the table. It is unlikely that the experiment will take place with the first or even fifth book. But someday such a moment will come that the child will get tired of "waiting for favors from nature" and will take them himself. Then your task is to carefully and persistently slip books to the child. God forbid you follow the path of direct recommendations. Books should appear unobtrusively in your home. They can be brought from the library and simply "creep out" of the cabinets. For starters, it must be exactly the genre to which the child's "first" book belonged. Historical story about primitive people? Please! Here's another one for you. "The Wizard of Oz"? Here's a sequel for you! And so on.

Gradually expand the palette of genres. If your child is accustomed from childhood to perceive an unadapted, highly artistic text by ear, then his possibilities are already very wide in the third or fourth grades. The author knows children who, at the age of nine, enjoyed reading the most boring " lord of the rings", Jules Verne and "A Seagull named Jonathan Livingston". And remember: a child who "learned to read" in the sense described above, no cartoons and computer games are a hindrance. He already knows how to perceive the system of images from the printed page of this book, and other systems images do not obscure, but only complement his world.Sometimes, growing up, such children stop reading books that their parents like and move on to modern literature.There is nothing wrong with that.You have done everything you could, and your children still have Pushkin, Shakespeare and Dostoevsky will return at the next stages of age development.

TV, video and computer. Benefit or harm?

Many children are very fond of watching TV or videos. Many children can sit for a long time at game consoles, begging from their parents or bartering with friends for more and more new cartridges. Happy owners of "real" computers (which, we note, is becoming more and more) have even greater opportunities for pastime, including work, education or entertainment on the Internet. How to treat it? To hold on and not let go, or, on the contrary, to let events unfold in their own way, referring to the fact that each generation has its own songs?

First you need to consider what kind of child we are dealing with. How old is he, five or fifteen? What is his temperament? How is his health (first of all, we are interested in the state of vision and the nervous system)? Having answered all these questions for themselves, parents develop for themselves an individually acceptable strategy for dealing with the "miracles of the twentieth century" and, if possible, strictly adhere to it.

This situation is probably unacceptable: today you are in a fighting mood and, raising the interests of the child to the shield, half an hour after the start of classes, drive him away from the TV or computer, urging him to play, read a book or help you with the housework. And tomorrow a friend came to you, and so that the child does not interfere with your highly intelligent conversation, you yourself send him to the same (very harmful yesterday!) Screen and do not remember him for three hours. This is a mistake that affects not so much the state of health of the child, but the process of upbringing as a whole. Next time you're doing your harm monologue computer games or continuous watching TV, the child simply will not believe you.

And now a few tips that may be useful to parents who have begun to develop this most "wonderful" strategy.

Council the first. Limit the time your child spends in front of the TV and computer screen. The following periods are considered reasonably safe.

For a child 3-5 years. TV or video - 3 times a day for 20 minutes. Computer - 1 time up to 30 minutes.

For a child 5-7 years. TV or video - 3 times a day for 30-40 minutes. Computer - 2 times a day for 20-30 minutes.

For a child 7-10 years old. TV or video recorder - no more than two hours a day with obligatory breaks. Computer - no more than one and a half hours a day, with obligatory breaks after every 20 minutes of learning or playing.

For a child over 10 years old. TV or VCR - no more than three hours a day with obligatory breaks after every hour. Computer - no more than two hours daily, with obligatory breaks every half an hour.

Tip two. Do not neglect the well-known safety rules. You can watch a modern color TV from a distance of at least one and a half meters. For older TVs, this distance should not be less than two meters. If your computer does not have a very modern monitor, be sure to purchase an additional protective screen. In watching television programs and working on a computer every 30-40 minutes (for young children every 20 minutes), you must definitely take breaks.

Tip three. If the child suffers or has other neurological disorders, it is necessary to significantly limit the viewing of "horror stories", bloody action movies and programs that are overly exciting to the child. If you have an idea to "train" nervous system healthy, but overly shy and cautious child, then start with something easier and while watching, be near the child all the time (so that he can touch you or snuggle up to you at any time). If the child has a serious, especially progressive, visual impairment, then the time indicated in the first tip should be reduced by 1.5-2 times. If a child wears glasses, then he must wear glasses to watch TV and work at a computer.

Council the fourth. Do not forget that the "miracles of the twentieth century" are not only entertainment, but also powerful remedy for the education and training of the child. That is why it is advisable (if, of course, funds allow) to have at home not a game console for a TV, but a real computer (slightly outdated, but quite suitable for educational purposes, models are quite cheap today), not just a TV, but a VCR. Modern video and computer programs can help a child learn foreign language, typing and design, learn how to work with reference books, get to know the world of animals and world history in a huge amount, satisfy your cognitive interest in almost any branch of knowledge and find yourself new friends. All this is especially important for children who are not sociable, inactive, often sick, and, of course, can be a real salvation for disabled children.

Bad advice. What should be done to instill hatred for school and aversion to knowledge in a child?

So, what needs to be done in order to confidently and surely instill in a child a persistent hatred of school and an equally persistent aversion to the process of acquiring knowledge?

Bad advice #1. Tell your child more often that he must learn in any case, despite all the feelings that he has about this. Constantly give examples of people who school life hated school, and then achieved great success thanks to the knowledge gained there.

Bad advice #2. Pick a child around your son's (or daughter's) age who is doing better in school and who your child already has a strong dislike for (this could be a neighbor, a classmate, or your friend's daughter). Tell your child regularly and in detail about the successes of this character, about how she (he) studies well, studies in art (music, mathematics, astronomy or culinary) school, helps her mother around the house, respects her elders, plays with her little brother, etc. etc. In response to your child's attempts to silence you, confidently pronounce some capacious, sarcastic phrase, such as: "Here! The truth hurts your eyes!"

Bad advice #3. Tell your child more often about his shortcomings, mentioning his virtues as rarely as possible. Don't be limited common definitions such as "lazy", "scoundrel", "brainless", "handless". If the child has bad memory, insufficiently developed attention or bad with abstract thinking, do not forget to mention this. It is also necessary to tell the child more often that all these qualities will remain with him forever, since he "absolutely does not work on himself", "is too lazy to tear his ass off the couch", etc.

Bad advice #4. Be sure to tell your child that no one will ever be friends with someone like him (stupid, poorly educated, non-reader, physically weak, cowardly, etc. - see Tip Three). If the child objects to you in the spirit that Katya and Vasya are already friends with him, raise your eyebrows contemptuously and exclaim pathetically: "Is this friendship?! Now in our time ..." There is no need to finish the phrase so that the ideal picture of friendship in "your time" the child could complete it himself. Although it is necessary to mention that in your time, classmates who fell ill were always brought home lessons (for some reason, this is not accepted among today's children). Let the child who has to learn lessons over the phone realize the inferiority of his own relationship with classmates.

Bad advice #6. Tell your child often and with taste what a terrible fate awaits him if he does not study well. Be sure to mention criminal "sixes", prostitutes, alcoholics, sellers from stalls and "oakhead" security guards. Try to tell him that Boris Yeltsin, Boris Nemtsov and Boris Berezovsky studied well at school. Often cite your parents as an example, that is, yourself. If you've succeeded in life, it's only because you've been staring a teacher in the mouth for ten years. If you or your spouse consider yourself a loser, then explain to your child that if you studied at school a little better, you would have become astronauts or bankers long ago (depending on your passions and ideals). And you can (for harmony) like this: dad is an astronaut, and mom is a banker. Honestly, your child will get real pleasure.

How can teachers and specialists "help" in this matter?

The main role in developing aversion to school and knowledge undoubtedly belongs to the family, but at the same time it cannot be denied that teachers and specialists can provide significant "help" to parents.

For example, teachers can often and reasonably inform a child that he is a useless and, most importantly, absolutely hopeless student, from whom nothing worthwhile will ever come out. In addition, the colorless personalities of teachers and completely uninteresting and boring lessons help a lot in "our business". Although this, of course, is not absolute, because in any school there are two or three good teachers lessons that truly develop and educate children. Much more "useful" may be the "bad reputation" that a child has at school, let's say, because of his excessive mobility. Then the child turns out to be "extreme" in any collective prank and, even having by nature an easy and good-natured character, gradually becomes embittered against the school and the teaching staff as a whole. The reputation of a "mattress" and a "brake" also helps a lot. Two or three phrases spoken by the teacher in time (a real example: "And now we will wait with the whole class until it comes to Vasya"), and the child's unwillingness to go to school reaches truly astronomical proportions.

The "help" of specialists here can manifest itself in two ways. Firstly, a specialist (mainly a neuropathologist) can help parents convince the child that he (the child) is seriously ill and the school in all its beauty and cruelty is simply contraindicated for him (the child). Oriented in this way, the child will have the most severe headaches or attacks of gastritis in the morning before going to school, uncontrollable vomiting before the controls, at school he will feel dizzy, heart ache and blood pressure jump.

The author has known the girl Masha for three years already, who has an official diagnosis of "vegetative-vascular dystonia", regularly faints on the threshold of school and does not attend school for four or five months a year on the basis of certificates that she regularly "removes" from a neuropathologist, convincing him that at home she feels much better. At home and at school, the "sick" Masha is spared, but for three summer months she works obliquely in her aunt's garden in Krasnodar in 30-degree heat, without experiencing any difficulties from her "diagnosis". Masha is overweight, hates physical education and is terrified of elevators, hooligans and control. No psychotherapy affects Mashenka, since it is much more convenient for her to remain "sick" than to become healthy. She is going to enter medical school this year. I wonder how she will study there?

Psychologists can also contribute to the process, for example, in the presence of a child, announcing their unfavorable conclusion about his mental or emotional development. School psychologists sometimes they conduct a procedure in the class called sociometry (during which leaders, accepted and rejected students are identified), and then discuss the results of this study with the pedagogical team or, even worse, with the studied class. This is absolutely ethically unacceptable. The results of school sociometry are a working tool for a psychologist, on the basis of which he plans his further work. No more.

Sometimes a psychologist may say something quite ethically neutral in the presence of a child, for example: "Maybe you should look for a more adequate program for teaching your son?" Most kids will ignore this, but some with self-esteem traits will decide:

1) I am hopelessly stupid, and they want to send me to a school for the mentally retarded;
2) I am very talented, this school is too bad for me. I deserve better.

Therefore, it is better for parents to listen to any, even the most neutral conclusions of a psychologist in the absence of a child. If the psychologist "forgot" about it, remind him. If the psychologist finds it necessary to communicate something to the child himself, he will do it separately, in specially selected expressions.

Back to Valery...

Valera could never complain that he was not told how good he was. The adults around him admired the boy's abilities a lot and often. But no one said about one simple truth to Valera: aptitude for anything in itself is no more a virtue in a man than being tall, Blue eyes or curly hair.

Absurd from the point of view of formal logic, but, unfortunately, true from the point of view of practical psychology thing: a person's abilities are not his resource. Moreover, sometimes very pronounced abilities even interfere with him. And we are not talking about geniuses estranged from all vain things here. In the author's practice, there was a case when a ten-year-old boy had a phenomenally developed visual and auditory memory. He literally memorized what he read and heard at once. Naturally, in his studies, he used to rely on memory. This helped him very well in elementary school, but when subject education began, difficulties began. Perfectly memorizing everything, literally without difficulty learning by heart, our little phenomenon never learned to think, analyze, isolate the main thing from what he read. A lot had to be caught up, a lot (from what was simply memorized) to be re-learned until the boy’s performance stabilized at a level that suited him and his parents (you yourself understand that both the “phenomenon” itself and his parents were accustomed to success from an early age).

So, a person's resource is not abilities in themselves, but only something achieved or formed on the basis of these abilities. For example, the ability to listen to others, developed by a person on the basis of an innate phlegmatic temperament. Or the ability to sing beautifully, achieved on the basis of an innately strong voice. Or the ability to physically strong child it is good to play football developed in a sports school or in yard football battles.

Valery undoubtedly had the abilities that in pedagogical and psychological language are called general giftedness. Why haven't they turned into a resource? Yes, because the adults surrounding a gifted child have formed in him a false idea that abilities are a value in themselves, that he himself does not need to do anything, and all the good things in his life will happen by themselves. The greatest value in the life of a small child is love, praise and encouragement from significant adults. Valery from a very early age had all this in abundance, without spending absolutely no energy on it. Naturally, he got used to this state of affairs and did not want to change his position when the situation around him began to change. After all, he remained the same - a capable, sweet child. Previously, everyone admired him, why now they demand something from him?

For quite long period we talked about all this with Valery's mother. She often argued with me:
- And what, it would be better if we did not praise him ?! But after all, children should be praised - you yourself say, and it is written in all books ... But is he really a cute child - contact, developed, smart? Don't you agree with me?
- Of course, children should be praised. But not because they are brunettes or redheads! And Valera was too often praised for the fact that he thinks quickly, remembers well, and easily catches a pattern. He was praised for his innate "general giftedness", which, if one does not adhere to the Hindu views of reincarnation, has absolutely no personal merit. In the end, it's even embarrassing. Indeed, in the structure of his personality, there are undoubtedly genuine resources, for example, his same contact, curiosity, love for visiting museums ... Tell me, did anyone praise Valera for her curiosity?

For curiosity? Mom thought. - Don't know. I do not remember.
- Is Valery really lazy?
- No, what are you! He is mobile, groovy, not at all lazy ...
- And where did this definition come from, which he himself so willingly repeats?
- Well, you see, it was necessary to somehow explain that he is so capable, but he studies worse and worse ... Well,
teachers have such ... such ... they say that about many children ...
- And Valera is used to believing what they say about him ... - I picked it up. - Although you, and he himself knows that laziness is not at all about him ...
- Yes, yes, he is generally very gullible!
- That's what we're going to work on...

Then I worked with Valera himself. For some (short) time he was like a group, where he immediately got along with all the guys. No problems in group work were shown by Valerina. His stay there was only necessary so that he could get feedback from the guys. Everything happened just as I planned. Everyone liked the agile, developed Valera, and, seeing him off, the group told the boy that it was interesting to talk with him, that he was not harmful and easily agrees so as not to argue and swear, that he not only easily performs some exercises, but also tries, to make it look nice, that some of the things he talks about (for example, talking about visiting museums) make other children think about such phenomena and problems that they had not thought about before. All this, as you already understood, was Valera's real resource.

It was with the discussion of the opinion of the group that we began individual work with Valera. We made a list of its pros and cons. We singled out among the advantages those that are a resource (when Valera understood what was the matter, he really liked this word, and then he willingly operated on it). Among the shortcomings, we identified those with which you can work, and those that are not very amenable to volitional control (for example, Valera had a slight degree of myopia). They found out for certain that Valera does not have a shortcoming called "laziness" and, therefore, the teacher's definition of his school failures will have to be revised.

Valera's high level of intellect (a virtue, but not a resource!) and his curiosity, directed in our case at his own personality (a resource, and what a resource!), together determined a very high efficiency psychotherapy. For quite short term(about four months) Valera managed to completely rebuild his ideas about himself and how exactly he should achieve success and recognition. And Valera needed success and recognition like air. The boy did not hide this from himself or from others, and it was precisely this honesty that allowed him, at the peak of his problems, to protect himself from hysterical neurosis.

After three months, my mother began to notice that Valera's school affairs went smoothly. The teachers said that the boy brings additional literature to the lessons, talks a lot and interestingly on the topic of the lesson or close to it. He tries to draw attention to himself with a non-standard approach to the topic, revealing its unexpected side, with some kind of associative material (we talked a lot and in detail with Valera about all these strategies during the sessions, worked out examples). Fortunately, Valera really studies at a good school, in which the teachers were able to understand the "creativity" of Valery's approach and, noticing the return of interest in learning, at first did not require meticulous observance of the "letter of the law" from him. Gradually, however, the requirements became more stringent. The educational process included not only what was interesting for Valera, but also what was boring and even disgusting to him.

This is not my resource, - Valera argues authoritatively, sitting in a chair in my office. - All these neatnesses, underlining with different features, or when you need to count the same examples in twenty pieces. This is Petya Korolkov's resource and Masha Galkina. They have notebooks printed on a computer. I still can't keep up with them. But I can figure out how to solve the problem in three ways, and tell them. One way for me, one for Petya and one for Mashka. And Olga Vasilievna would never guess. And then I’ll roll up Petya’s answers from examples (I myself will always make one or two mistakes), and Masha will emphasize everything to me with her pencils. I still sit with her. And by the way, other boys and girls share desks, fight, hit each other on the head with backpacks, and Masha and I have mutually beneficial cooperation. Is it a resource?
- Resource, resource! - I laugh and, unable to stand it, I add: - Well, you are a beetle, Valerka! Capable but lazy!