“Preparation of orphans for independent family life in an orphanage. Preparing a teenager for independent living

Chapter 10

Henry Cloud says

Throughout my adolescence, I kept hearing one phrase from my parents (in various variations). “You will soon be on your own, Henry. You need to learn how to budget." They never attended special courses, but I could see their wisdom. My father and mother took care of my future. They understood that by the time I left the house, I had to learn a lot: how to keep accounts, and use a credit card, and take out car insurance, and plan my work. It is not so much the specific content of the advice that is important, but the parents' understanding of my situation: adolescence is a fairly limited period of time allotted to prepare the son for an independent life. I am grateful to my father and mother for what they have done for me.

One of my friends lived her adolescence quite differently. Her parents - not with words, but with all their behavior - made it clear to her: "You are still small, so do what you are told, period." Her parents tightly controlled herself, and her three sisters, and her older brother. There was an oppressive atmosphere in the house. The older she got, the more difficult it was for her to make the right decision and the worse she behaved. I felt sorry for her because her parents played the role of policemen, not friends.

In the house of another friend of mine, there was no parental authority at all. I never ran into any boundaries in it. We went there if we wanted to elude parental supervision. Sometimes his mother would drop by his room, but it seemed more like a courtesy call than maternal control. Yes, it was a "safe place" if you had to do something on the sly. But this house seemed empty and very "unreliable."

As I was thinking about this chapter, the key word seemed to me to be "balance." Remembering my adolescence, I am especially grateful to my parents for the fact that they managed to maintain balance during these years. Most of all, a teenager needs his parents to keep a balance. We must balance the various extremes.

The girl is sure that she “knows everything herself”, and then comes from school, sobbing, because she had a fight with her best friend.

The guy considers himself "invulnerable", and his mood fluctuates between euphoria and despair.

The teenager fiercely defends his independence, but now and then cries for help.

The body is already fully ripe for sexual relations, but the boy does not understand this side of life at all, does not know its dangers, does not understand how to properly dispose of it.

A completely ignorant teenager rejects any authority.

In a second, he can turn from an adult, self-confident person into a confused baby.

You yourself are torn between the desire to control the child and the desire to see him independent.

You are either angry with him, or for some reason you are filled with love.

You continue to raise the child, but prepare him for life without parents.

In this chapter, we will look at what is happening in the soul of a teenager and what is required of you.

General perspective

In order to understand the tasks and problems of adolescence, one must take a step back and imagine the whole process of turning a child into an adult. Then you will be able to appreciate the important role of adolescence in this process.

Remember the first stage - infancy (yes, you would rather hear the crying that once annoyed you so much again, and not the rock music that your son cuts in!). In infancy, a person learns to trust other people and experience dependence on them. At this time, he absorbs someone else's love and care, makes sure that others are ready to satisfy his needs.

Next comes the first stage on the road to independence. The kid is already tired of depending on others in everything, he wants to be “on his own”. It awakens the will, the desire for independence. He is ready to argue with his parents, he wants to do everything in his own way; but five minutes pass - and he runs to you again. You set boundaries for him, the child becomes convinced that not everything is subject to him, and gradually learns to dominate himself.

He then begins to discern good from evil, interpreting his failures and feeling that he is "not good enough." Now he understands that his parents are not perfect, and that he may be dealing with a person who, like himself, is "not good enough." Forgiveness becomes a reality. An important milestone in development is the combination of love for a person and anger against that same person. There is no "good mom" and " bad mom”, “good me” and “bad me” - there is a combination of good and bad both in me and in you. The child learns to endure disappointment both in himself and in other people. Having passed this milestone, he can come to terms with his imperfection and establish good relations with equally imperfect people. This skill will serve him for the rest of his life.

A little later, in the lower grades, the child becomes part of the team. He learns the rules of this team, the skills needed to be friends with peers, and then to enter a larger team - the community. Belonging to a team will require the child to perform certain tasks, the ability to play some games and other skills. He will learn these skills to be part of the community.

And all this is integrated, so that the child becomes more and more a whole person, more and more quickly moving away from the infantile state. He thinks more often, asks interesting questions, discovers the ability to think deeply. He improves his skills in many areas and in some ways already surpasses you.

And suddenly there is thunder from a clear sky. The child turns thirteen - and he breaks loose from the chain. You think he's gone crazy. Parents are in a panic - they do not understand what happened to him.

What about my cute boy? We've always been friends.

The daughter was always so cheerful, friendly, but became gloomy.

We've never fought like this before.

Why doesn't he want to listen to us?

We raised him, and he behaves like that!

You might think that an evil wizard appeared, threw your child to another planet, and left you with his evil double. Or the child is still the same, but it is as if he has been infected with many spiritual illnesses at once, which he had not seen before. What is going on anyway?

One can perhaps say that everything that we have discussed in this book is now being revised and finalized. During adolescence, all previous aspects of development are recycled in a different context: your child no longer develops these qualities under the authority of the parents, but transfers them into the context of independence, preparing for adulthood. Two processes take place at once: firstly, all aspects of the personality are worked out anew, more independently, and secondly, if something went wrong the first time, now comes the last opportunity to correct it. Here is our list again:

Trust and dependency

independence and autonomy,

The ability to come to terms with one's own and others' imperfections,

Ability to endure disappointment

Compliance with the requirements of the team, communication skills,

Talents, abilities and interests.

You thought that you had already coped with all these tasks! Unfortunately no. However, there is a good side to this: you get a second chance to fix what needs to be fixed. What's more: you see how your child becomes an adult, and now you can enjoy your relationship with him on a completely different level. In the whole long process of education, adolescence can be the most joyful time. The key is to know when to be vigilant. Then you will get a lot of pleasure from your already almost completely adult child.

Consider how all aspects of development in adolescence are manifested.

Trust and dependency

For the first time, your child learned trust and dependence by experiencing needs that he himself could not satisfy. The baby is lonely and needs help. And he feels it. He does not need independence at all, he rejects it. He needs his mom to be by his side all the time. It is easy to satisfy this dependence need.

In adolescents, the need for dependence is more complex. Both trust and dependency undergo significant changes. The teenager has to learn them anew and at a deeper level. If the foundations have been safely laid in infancy and early childhood and no trauma has disrupted this process, the child will now be able to walk this path again, albeit in a very different way.

First of all, the question arises whether he can trust his parents. The baby was looking for closeness and comfort, the teenager needed understanding. He still needs closeness and comfort, but they are now expressed in a different way: he needs confidence that he is understood, and not physical contact. Moreover, you must understand that your child does not always like to do exactly as you do, that his tragedies, insignificant in the eyes of the world, are huge for him, like the ocean.

I recently had lunch with a young priest who works with high school students.

How are things going? I asked him.

I'll never get used to it, even though it happens every day! he replied.

What exactly?

It amazes me how stormy their emotions are - and for every reason. Just this morning I had to talk to two girls. Judging by their reaction, each of them experienced a tragedy in their lives. Both are inconsolable, in tears, they cannot study, they believe that their life is broken. Both came to my office, sobbing. It turned out that one really suffered a loss - her grandmother died, and another dentist said that she would not remove the brackets from her teeth for now and that she should go to the school ball in this form!

Of course, the second girl will have to grow up a little more and understand what is really important and what is secondary. However, for a teenager, everything is “really important”, and if parents perceive his tragedies and violent emotions with mockery or condescension, they lose his trust. The child needs someone to share and confirm his experience, and here sympathy is much more useful than instructions. Don't say to your child, "Why are you upset about such nonsense," but tell him, "Listen, I can see how upset you are. It must mean a lot to you." If you express sympathy to a teenager, he is more likely to admit that we are talking about a trifle - because then he will not have to prove to you his right to emotions.

His trust in you is subjected to a more serious test. Your teen wants to know if he can rely on your support without losing his independence. We will return to the problem of autonomy shortly, but now we are talking about the main problem related to trust. The child wants to trust his parents, to be able to turn to them, to seek their advice and guidance. But if this is associated with control, he will begin to look for other authorities.

Shelly developed an eating disorder - bulimia. She ate to the point of nausea. The mother saw that something was wrong, although she did not know what exactly the problem was. In my interview with Shelley as a counselor, I discovered that she was having problems with her mother. Until about the age of fifteen or sixteen, it was easy for her to communicate with her mother, but now the girl became more withdrawn, prone to mood swings, and her mother was offended by this. "After everything I've done for her!" she insisted.

Shelley understood the reasons for her separation quite differently, and there was a completely sound basis in her reasoning. Once she formulated it like this: “When I talk about something with my mother, she will immediately tell me what I should do and how I should think. She can't just listen to me and try to understand." The old closeness between mother and daughter was fading away as Shelley grew more and more in need of freedom for her own thoughts and actions, and her mother could not give up trying to completely control her life.

Trust for a teenager is also due to the honesty of parents, their loyalty to their principles. A teenager recognizes a fake, a hypocrite, an actor with the accuracy of a radar that detects a car that has exceeded the speed limit. If you deviate from reality and truth, if you are at odds with your actions and feelings, if you are dishonest, your growing children will convict you and deprive you of their trust. They will be especially careful to hide their spiritual life from you. Note: Use God to control the child in accordance with self-interest, is something like spiritual rape. Teenagers believe sincere and honest people They need actions to match words.

You will be able to maintain a fulfilling relationship and intimacy with your child if both of you are able to realistically perceive reality and remain a guarantee for the growing child, allowing him to go further and further in search of himself. Don't be annoyed by the various teen zigzags along the way. He keeps asking himself who he can trust. Also, don't be annoyed by a teenager's tendency to trust other people more than his parents. This is one way to ensure your independence. A girl I know keeps telling her mother what a “wonderful thing” she heard, forgetting that she had already heard this same thing first from her mother and only then from her “authority”. It is important for a girl to learn something new herself, and not to get into ready-made from mother. The child learns to trust people again serious problems and deal with them or some of them without parents, with the help of peers or other adults. Teenagers often find themselves an adult mentor - the leader of the youth group, the father or mother of one of their friends. This is fine. You should not be jealous and prevent your child from exploring the big world outside the home.

Teenagers also learn about the realm of romantic relationships. First love is already waiting around the corner. The trust learned in infancy is now channeled into new areas of life. Watch from the sidelines, don't interfere. Make sure that your child has made a good choice, that he has properly disposed of his trust. Check whether you have prepared him well, whether you have discussed with him what are the boundaries in the field of courtship and sex. By the time he starts dating peers of the opposite sex, he must know by heart both the rules of morality and safety standards.

Read less instructions - except in really serious cases. But by asking questions, help the child to check his relationship, especially at the first stage. Ask, for example, a girl what her new admirer is like, how she feels in his society, how their relationship develops, whether he has his own spiritual life, and if not, how can their relationship do without such an important aspect.

Many parents tend to tell their daughter from the very beginning that such and such a boy is completely unsuitable for her, you can’t get close to him, you can’t trust him. Yes, of course, sometimes you have to set rigid boundaries, but in most cases it will be much more useful if the girl herself understands and understands why this guy cannot be trusted. She can understand this only if she carefully looks at how their relationship is built. The above questions can be very helpful here. If you reprimand your child all the time, you yourself become a problem for him and he no longer notices difficulties in relations with friends. Controlling the child, you prevent him from assessing the reality of his relationships with peers.

How many teenagers have made bad, disastrous decisions just because their controlling parents put too much pressure on them and they no longer understood what they were doing. God warns us, “Solid food belongs to the perfect, whose senses have been accustomed by practice to discern good and evil” (Hebrews 5:14). Getting to know a lot of people, teenagers learn a lot from this experience, if you help them to rationally evaluate this experience, to understand their own feelings.

Of course, you need to set boundaries and specify what exactly you allow the child to learn for himself. He may enter into a destructive relationship that you will have to control or even prohibit. This is not easy to do, and usually such a situation leads to a serious conflict. But if your child may be harmed by peers or bad company, you still have an obligation to protect him, because he is not yet able to protect himself. And no matter what the child says, deep down he still entrusts this care to you. However, if possible, refrain from control, and if you have to take power into your own hands, explain why you are doing this, refer to reality: “I'm afraid for you. This man is dangerous. I can't lose you to drugs."

Independence and autonomy

Parents often compare adolescence to the first rebellion, the rebellion of two-year-olds, only this time they have to deal with a much larger kid. In our opinion, both of these periods are not so terrible. But they can cause you a lot of trouble if you are unwilling to acknowledge the child's urgent need for independence, autonomy, self-sufficiency. Between two and three years, the baby gets rid of the original infantile dependence; at the age of fourteen or fifteen, in many areas of life, he puts an end to the former dependence on his parents. Teen wants:

Think for yourself and express your opinion

Choose values, subject them to revision,

Have own desires and goals

Improve your skills and abilities

Look into the future,

Develop spiritual life

Have your own income

Always have the help of parents until he goes this way to the end.

These are all good and necessary things. You must contribute to the awakening independence of your child, go towards it. Many parents sit back and wait passively for their offspring to begin testing and pushing boundaries. In fact, they entrust the teenager to plan his own life, and then try to prevent him from going the chosen path. But, realizing that during these years a teenager learns to independently cope with his life and protect himself from trouble, go to meet him, make a plan together, according to which he can gain greater freedom.

Some of my friends brought their thirteen-year-old daughter to a weekend seminar to discuss her future. In our book, Healing Change, we discussed general scheme maturation and growth, and these parents decided that based on the milestones listed in it, they could build a life plan for their daughter during adolescence. This scheme outlined four main developmental tasks: forming attachment, setting boundaries, integrating good and bad, and finally growing up. Sarah's parents said something like this:

“You are already thirteen years old, the period of adolescence begins. These are very responsible years that determine what kind of person you will become. We want to help you with this. We thought about what traits you will have in five years, when it's time to leave the house, and here's what we came up with.

1. We want you to retain the ability to communicate with people and God, so that this communication is valuable and important. We want you to get in touch with good people who will love you and will not hurt you.

2. We want you to be able to control yourself and set clear personal boundaries so that you, and not other people, manage your life. We want you to guide yourself and be able to reject in yourself and others that which will harm you, and that which you do not want.

3. We want you to be able to come to terms with all aspects of your personality, accept both the bad and the good in yourself, develop your good sides and cope with weaknesses. We want you to be able to admit your guilt and forgive others so that you can face difficulties and solve problems, including your own. internal problems sin or failure.

4. We want you to be clear about your talents, abilities, opinions, desires, values, and sexual orientation so that you think it all over and make wise decisions. We don't need you to follow our advice; we want it to be your decision.

So, Sarah, how can we help you in these years so that your character develops in this way? What do you need? What should we require of you? What experience do you need? How can we protect you?"

The parents spent a lot of time discussing these issues with their daughter as a team. I was glad to hear about this, and was pleasantly surprised at how deep their relationship with my daughter is, how intelligently they promote her independence.

A very correct position is to consider yourself an ally of your child in his struggle for independence. The child will still seek independence, not in one way, but in another. This desire is invested in him by God, so it will be better for you if you become his ally, and not his enemy. If you are his ally, the child will need you, he will want to constantly contact you. But if you act as an adversary, you will lose his confidence, and he - the opportunity to achieve independence without losing love and reliable authority.

Working together to achieve independence implies that you must give the child some control over his life. He should be given a chance to fail, and then you will help him survive this failure by supporting him, comforting him, pointing out his mistakes, advising him how to improve. When the child begins to successfully cope with his tasks, give him more freedom. He must see that, by responsibly using his freedom, he receives more and more rights. As the parable of Jesus says: “Well done, good and faithful servant! you have been faithful in a little, I will set you over much; enter into the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:21, 23). If the child justified your trust in small things, push the boundaries. Children begin to demand more freedom and independence in order to:

Go visit and stay late

Do what they want without your supervision

Choose what they like, not you,

To doubt what you teach and come to your own choice,

Follow your own tastes and interests,

Decide what they like

Have more freedom in spiritual life.

As your child begins to express these desires, consider the following considerations: Your task is to use these desires to guide the process of achieving independence in such a way that eventually your child will be able to manage his own life. Give him freedom within certain limits and insist that he use that freedom responsibly. Do not equate the desire for independence and checking the boundaries - the time for testing the boundaries will come. Let every moment of experience help the child to understand what kind of freedom he can already handle, and what kind is not yet. Don't give him more than he can handle; you remain his guardian and guardian and must intervene if the child is in danger. But do not limit the freedom of the child in those areas where he already copes on his own. If you continue to patronize him in that area of ​​life in which he has proven his reliability and responsibility, you are a nuisance to him.

Of course, the child will do things that are stupid and ridiculous from your point of view - at least in order to prove their independence. One of my friends could not decide whether to allow his son to pierce his ear and put on an earring, or to forbid it categorically. We discussed this issue, and I asked how things are in other important areas of life. Does the boy do his housework? What grades does it bring? Does he care about the spiritual life? Does he know how to choose his friends? To all this I received a positive response.

And then I said to my friend:

Your son is doing well. He wants to show you that he is different from you, and for this he is going to do something that you would never do. In my opinion, he chose a safe enough area for this rebellion, in order not to become a copy of you. Give him the right to prove his independence with an earring - this is much better than defending it with drugs.

It was not easy for my father to decide on this. He's a conservative and almost vomited at the sight of his son wearing an earring, though in California it looks almost as common as a tie in Michigan. No, it was difficult for this father to accept such a challenge, but - honor and glory to him - he accepted. He did not fight with his son because of the small things in which the son wanted to show his independence, because the son was faithful in the big one. Do not get involved in all the battles in a row. There is nothing wrong with the fact that a child will emphasize his independence in such a harmless way.

The teenager will express himself in music, choice of clothes and his appearance in general, in hobbies and political views. If this choice is not dangerous, do not discourage it.

It is quite natural to hear from a teenager: “Yes, you don’t like it, but I like it.” As a rule, the boundary in these matters is set by peers. If a teenager goes too far in the manifestations of his personality, he will run into trouble in his own company. Always remember that a teenager's norms are different from yours.

It is necessary to intervene at the moment when the wrong choice entails moral or physical danger. Let the girl dress ridiculously, although you do not like it, but she should not wear an overly revealing dress, since such clothes hint at promiscuity and let other people know that your daughter is ready for dangerous experiments. Clothing should not be allowed to challenge others, that the child behaves as if he does not care at all. By the way, such clothes can serve as an alarm signal for you: perhaps the child is suffering from depression or loneliness.

It’s okay if a teenager chooses “the wrong” friends, in your opinion, but you should not allow him to hobnob with dangerous types who can accustom him to alcohol or drugs, involve him in a crime or other kind of dangerous business. In this case, you will intervene and put an end to this friendship. But if the child is not exposed to moral and physical danger, let him deal with his comrades himself.

In the spiritual realm, the child will also try to show independence. No need to constantly conflict with him because of faith. A teenager is able to turn away from God just to prove his independence to you. Show him the image of God, His love, His truth in your life. Involve your teenager in good deeds and teaching, let him take part in the Christian Youth Union under the guidance of a good young mentor, let them have fun, start joint activities- and it will become part of their spiritual service. You must give your teenager the opportunity to make their own choices. And remember: very often not you at all, but a young priest or friend turns out to be much more authority for him than his parents, with whom he argues on matters of faith. Pray for your child and teach him to pray, but don't force him to believe. Remember the words of the apostle Paul: “Stay therefore in the liberty that Christ has given us, and do not again be subjected to the yoke of bondage” (Galatians 5:1). God does not want to spiritually enslave your child - do you really dare to do this?

So you yourself must want, for your child to achieve independence. If he does not gain independence, you will “change his diapers” until the age of forty. Now is the time to help him develop his independence. Give him the right to be different from you that does not affect the core values, and then he will not make catastrophic decisions in much more important areas of life, trying to demonstrate his independence to you.

You must allow the child to become more independent, but remember: he is not yet ready for complete freedom! You still have an obligation to protect him, to manage his life until he can do it himself. The problem is the child considers himself already fully prepared for independence. He's big, he's mature. The motor is already running at all speeds, it's time to go. He knows everything, he can handle everything. All you hear is this cry of protest: “You treat me like a child!” But he is in fact still a child, at least in part, the fullness of adult responsibility has not yet come for him.

This situation is fraught with constant conflict. Paul compared the position of teenagers to the position of slaves: “I will say again, An heir, while in childhood, is no different from a slave, although he is master of everything: he is subject to trustees and stewards until the time appointed by the father” (Galatians 4:1–2). A teenager is "master of everything", but is still under your control. It's necessary, but he doesn't like it. However, it is necessary. He needs your authority, the boundaries you set.

You must maintain these boundaries and defend them, although the grown-up child demands more and more freedom, and you go to meet him and provide him with it. But freedom only makes sense within certain limits. Your task is to set boundaries and protect the child when he overestimates his strength and tries to cope with all the moral problems and realities of human relationships.

1. Boundaries set by reality, is a veto you impose on an experiment that entails real threat. So, sex and drugs are life-threatening, the company of hooligans and drunk driving are also. This is where you set boundaries, keeping your child out of harm's way. You forbid him to drop out of school and ruin his career, etc. If the child demands to be given freedom in this area, you answer simply and clearly: "No way."

2. Limits due to the child's capabilities. Here we are talking not about danger, but about insufficient maturity. Keeping a daily routine, keeping your belongings in order, managing money, driving a parent's car, paying for another hobby (which the child is likely to give up in a couple of weeks) - these can all be areas in which the child has not yet reached maturity. Such privileges must be earned by responsible behavior. When it comes to more freedom in this area, the correct answer is: "You will have freedom when you prove that you are ready for it."

3. Boundaries in the field of ethics, spiritual life and relations with people contribute to the education of character necessary for success in life and prosperous relationships. Boundaries that prevent lying, cheating, stealing, sexual promiscuity, and disregard for authority help the child develop character and thus ensure his future security. Boundaries that enable a child to realize spiritual values ​​make him realize that he is not the Lord God. Then he is able to obey Him. Boundaries that prevent the manifestation of disrespect or meanness towards other people will protect relationships with people in the future. The touchstone here is love. Look closely at how the child treats siblings, friends, girlfriend, and you. Don't let him snap. You must communicate freely and frankly, but with mutual respect.

When considering where to draw the line for an adolescent, ask yourself first whether there is too much danger associated with freedom. Draw boundaries in areas where there is danger, where adult responsibility is required, where relationships with people or with God are threatened. If violations occur in one of these areas, set boundaries and penalties for violating them.

In the next chapter, we will discuss the specific problems faced by the parents of many teenagers.

OBJECTIVES: 1 2 Analyze and summarize the parameters that characterize the success of independent living; identify and systematize the reasons for the failure in independent life of graduates-orphans with intellectual disabilities; to determine the indicators of readiness for independent life of high school students - pupils of boarding schools of the VIII type for orphans. To substantiate the directions, content and forms of pedagogical work, which contributes to increasing the readiness of a mentally retarded orphan pupil for an independent life.

The current practice of teaching and educating such children does not always meet the task of forming the necessary personal qualities, such as independence, readiness for self-sufficiency on the basis of work, communication, as well as clarifying their life prospects. At the same time, graduates of auxiliary boarding schools do not have any benefits in employment and life support. They must pour into hardest life on a universal basis.

Provisions on which work should be based on preparing residents of boarding schools for independent living: The success of independent living is characterized by the following parameters: - professional self-determination; - stable employment; - creation of a family; - productivity of various contacts in society; - compliance with moral and legal norms and requirements of society. The possibility of a successful independent life arrangement is determined by the readiness for an independent life, which is formed in the process of growing up. 12

The main indicators of readiness for independent living are: - the real and concrete nature of life plans; - adequate professional self-determination; - willingness and ability to establish productive social contacts to receive assistance; - social normative behavior; - the ability to use personal experience in changing conditions. The current practice of teaching and educating children with intellectual problems, the knowledge and skills they receive at school, do not adequately prepare them for independent living. 3 4

Unpreparedness of high school students boarding schools Type VIII towards independent living is manifested in the following: - Blurring of life prospects; - dependency as a personal characteristic; - social incompetence; - Deformation of the need for communication and lack of formation of means to satisfy it. Overcoming the unpreparedness for an independent life of mentally retarded pupils is possible in the course of purposeful pedagogical work in the following areas: - the formation of a life perspective; - formation of a positive attitude to work; - Ensuring the productivity of social contacts. 5 6

"Problems of preparing orphans for an independent life" Preparation for an independent life - these are the processes that ensure the successful entry of young people into an independent life, which are referred to as growing up, socialization, social adaptation.

The process of socialization is the acquisition by an individual of socio-typical features and is determined through social learning, self-actualization of the "I-concept". The process of growing up is the path of development from the social to the individual. The processes of socialization and individualization are considered by modern science as the main mechanisms of growing up.

The task of growing up is preparation for independent life, culminating in readiness for independent living. Parameters of a successful life arrangement: 1. Professional self-determination, 2. stable employment, 3. creating a family and everyday competence, 4. the ability to establish various contacts in society, 5. compliance with moral and legal norms and requirements of society.

The loss of a family prevents the child from developing abilities that ensure the achievement of true adulthood, leads to a number of "social dislocations" that manifest themselves in a lack of productive communication skills, moral and material dependency, a conflicting system of requirements for masculinity and femininity, and a weak focus on the future.

"The current state of preparing students for independent life" The priority area for preparing students for independent life is labor education. The unpreparedness of graduates of a special (correctional) school for independent work is expressed in: frequent shift workplaces associated with the emergence of conflict situations in the team, the unbearable working regime and production standards, inadequately high level of claims to the specialty and high wages, indiscipline, bad attitude to the work of some graduates. The successful entry into an independent life of the mentally retarded is hindered by their insufficient possession of general labor skills and abilities.

In order to specify the nature of the independent life arrangement of mentally retarded graduates - orphans, we conducted a study during which we analyzed data on the fate of our graduates for 3 years, based on previously identified parameters that characterize the success of young people entering an independent life (employment, marital status, housing conditions, relationships with the law).

"Improving the preparation of pupils of boarding schools of the VIII type for orphans for independent living" Questionnaire for studying readiness for independent living 1. Soon you will leave the boarding school. What are you afraid of? 2. What profession would you like to choose after graduation? 3. Do you like the profession in which you will study at PU?

Independent Living Readiness Questionnaire 4. What do you like to do in your free time? 5. Where would you like to work after graduation? 6. Where will you live after graduation? 7. What problems bother you when entering an independent life?

Independent Living Readiness Questionnaire 8. What do you think is a “good life”? 9. What is a budget? How much money do you need for one month? 10. You are walking down the street, someone hit you, what will you do? 11. Imagine: you have a magic wand. What will you ask?

Questionnaire for the study of readiness for independent living 12. Will you be able to arrange your life on your own? Whose help do you need. 13. After how many years will you be able to achieve what you want? 14. At what age will you start a family? What qualities should your partner have?

Causes hindering the readiness of pupils for the transition to independent living arrangements 1. Most of the examined pupils did not approach the construction of a life plan. The image of the desired future among the pupils of the boarding school - students of the final grades - is not detailed, emotional, immature characteristics of it prevail in the answers; temporary conditions for achieving the goal are not program points in the life plan of orphans.

2. A significant part of graduate students are not ready to leave dependence on adults. The tendency to material dependency is manifested in indifference to such necessary conditions for a full-fledged independent life as the availability of housing, a sufficient amount of funds

Conclusion: The essence of preparing for independent life of students of a special (correctional) boarding school of the VIII type for orphans and children deprived of parental care should be the formation of certain personality traits, such as readiness for self-sufficiency on the basis of work, productive communication, independence, as well as the necessary value orientations, first of all, life prospects.

The main conditions necessary for the effective implementation of the program are the following indicators: the internal readiness of the teaching staff to solve new problems; availability of a safe and secure environment for the stay of an orphan child in a residential institution; organization of the correct regime; psychological support for the development of the pupil; taking into account the age factor; providing a material base corresponding to the tasks set.

Readiness for self-reliance on the basis of work includes: o positive motivation for work; o the choice of a profession corresponding to the possibilities and interests; o the ability to accept and comply with disciplinary requirements in the labor process; o the feeling of the owner. The acquisition of such qualities and skills implies a departure from dependency, as a negative inclination of a child brought up in conditions of state support.

Direction "Formation of life prospects" The goal is to concretize and clarify life plans. Tasks: 1. Modeling the image of the past; 2. Modeling the image of the future; 3. Organization of the life of pupils based on the expediency and frequency of performing vital functions; 4. Formation of the image of the chosen one / chosen one.

Direction "Formation of a positive attitude towards work" The goal is to form in pupils the readiness for self-sufficiency on the basis of work. Tasks: 1. Formation of stable habits of domestic self-service and service work; 2. Expansion of the list of labor profiles; 3. Inclusion of pupils in feasible labor activity; 4. Ensuring adequate professional self-determination based on career guidance.

Forms of work: accustoming pupils to self-service starting from the first days of their stay in a boarding school; labor training and education in the field of service labor (starting from the fifth grade); the work of a home club, the organization of a repair team of pupils in the institution; the inclusion of older pupils in work with the younger ones; accumulation of "dowry"; introducing pupils to feasible labor activity through the employment of pupils in a boarding school.

Direction "Ensuring the productivity of social contacts" The goal is to form the pupil's communication skills necessary for the implementation of such contacts. Objectives: 1. Overcoming the basic distrust of the world as the basis for the violation of the communicative activity of an orphan child. 2. Overcoming alienation from others as a specific personality trait of orphans. 3. Instilling moral and legal norms of society. 4. Ensuring the possibility of functioning in various social roles. 5. Expansion of social contacts.

Forms of work: approval of traditions, organization of communication of different ages, organization of classes for children in sections, clubs, studios outside the walls of the boarding school; psychological and pedagogical trainings; business games (self-management); drama studio; holding meetings with interesting people and teams; transfer of pupils for temporary residence in families of relatives.

Conclusions 1. Preparation for an independent life is one of the most important tasks of growing up, understood as a process of personality development from the social to the individual. 2. The parameters of a successful life arrangement as a positive result of growing up are professional self-determination, stable employment, the creation of a family, the possibility of establishing various contacts in society, compliance with moral and legal standards and the requirements of society.

Conclusions 3. The course and results of growing up are distorted as a result of a violation of its mechanisms and conditions, especially in the case of a violation of the interaction of a child with an adult. 4. In the case of early orphanhood and upbringing in conditions of deprivation, the child is not sufficiently prepared for an independent life.

Conclusions 5. Violations of mental development significantly complicate the process of preparing for an independent life. 6. The essence of preparing for independent life of students of a special (correctional) boarding school of the VIII type for orphans and children deprived of parental care should be the formation of certain personality traits, such as independence, readiness for self-sufficiency on the basis of work, productive communication, as well as the necessary value orientations, first of all, life prospects.

Conclusions 7. Indicators of readiness for an independent life of mentally retarded orphan high school students are adequate professional self-determination, the real time component of life plans, the willingness and ability to establish productive social contacts to receive assistance, compliance with moral norms and requirements of society, the use of personal experience in changing conditions. 8. The program of correctional and pedagogical influence in order to prepare pupils for independent life must have a holistic character.

Conclusions 9. The conditions necessary for the successful implementation of the program in a residential institution should be the following: sufficient psychological and pedagogical literacy of the teaching staff, the creation of a protective environment, psychological and pedagogical support, taking into account the age factor, an appropriate material base. 10. The proposed ways of developing readiness for independent life of high school students can be effectively used in a wide educational practice.

In the life of every person there comes a moment when you need to leave your parental home and decide to face the big world. Just the thought of being able to have fun "on your own territory" as you please, arrange it as you please and go about your business like an adult can be delightful. But there are many more things you should know before you start living on your own. It is better to prepare in advance for the obligations that come with this new freedom. Our article will help you take this decisive step.

Steps

Part 1

How to make a living

Pass the interview. An interview is a chance to convince the head of the human resources department that you have all the makings to do this job better than other applicants. You must use all your charm to get this position. Remember, the ultimate goal is to get a job.

Keep a positive attitude. Do your best to get a job that will keep you afloat. Looking for a job can be quite stressful, but to be successful, you must never give up. Rest assured that you will get the position you are applying for.

• If you have little to no work experience, searching can be frustrating. Understand that you may be limited in some ways, but you have something to brag about in other areas. Focus on what you have to offer.
• If lack of experience is the problem that constantly haunts you in your search, consider how you can acquire the necessary practical knowledge. For example, an internship or volunteering is suitable for this purpose. It can be annoying to work for nothing, but you need to start somewhere.

1. Get a higher education. If you are having difficulty getting a job, or the job you want requires a college degree, then the university is The best decision for you. It takes time and effort to get a diploma or certificate, but in the end you will be more in demand in the labor market than without education. Take a look at local low-cost educational institutions and find out what kind of program they offer.

   • Many universities have hostels where you can learn how to live on your own. Sometimes meals are included in the price. If you or your parents cannot afford university housing, a scholarship can cover these expenses or some of them. Check with your local school to see what options are available to you.
   • Universities often offer the opportunity to study and work at the same time. This part-time job will help you gain experience and gain good recommendations which will come in handy when you are looking for a job after graduation. "Work + study" is usually part of the scholarship program. All details can be found in the scholarship department.

2. Think about serving in the military or government agencies. The military and similar programs provide training, support and advice to young people about independent living. Here you can be helped to take your place in the labor market after graduation. Contact your local representative and find out about the directions that interest you, or view vacancies in government structures.

   Part 2

   How to save budget

   1. Find a neighbor. Sharing housing costs with someone is a great way to save money and start living independently. Ask your friends, maybe someone wants to live together and share the cost of rent and utilities. It may be worth looking for a few neighbors to further reduce housing costs.

      • It is best to ask friends and relatives for help when looking for neighbors. You can also search for roommates online, but check the reviews of each potential roommate and find out more about them before you move in with someone you don't know at all.
      • Sometimes you can conclude a separate contract for each of the tenants, and then you will pay for the apartment separately.
      • Renting in some areas may be cheaper than others. If you find an apartment that you can afford, then you won't need a neighbor at all.

   2. Look for housing. If you have found a neighbor who is already renting an apartment, you can skip this step. If not, then start a joint search for an apartment / house. Most likely, both of you will have to sign a lease.

      • Call residential complexes in your city and ask a little. How much is the rent? What utilities are included in the price? Are the apartments rented with furniture? These questions will provide you with the information you need to make a decision.
      • Be aware that there is often an initial fee as well as a security deposit and/or first and last month fees. You may also have renter's insurance on your shoulders. Make sure you have enough savings to cover these additional costs.
      • Pay all required fees and sign the contract. The standard practice is a yearly contract, but sometimes 6-month or even monthly rental options are available, which is great if you want to check if this place or neighbor is right for you.
      • Once you've decided on an apartment, before you move in, take photos of the inside and outside as proof that some damage has already been done before you. Write down the shooting date and set the pictures aside for safe place in case you need them.
      • Make sure you understand all the rules in the new apartment correctly - if you don't stick to them, then trouble can arise. Are pets allowed? If yes, is there an additional deposit?

   3. Negotiate. If you have a roommate, decide how you will share the responsibilities. Agree on how you will share the costs. Such simple things, if decided in advance, will help to avoid many troubles in the future.

      • Set ground rules. Discuss issues such as noise, duties, utility bills, smoking, guests, and the consequences of breaking these agreements. It's not a bad idea to draw up a cohabitation agreement in order to reach an agreement and clearly understand what is expected of each of you in order to avoid conflicts in the future.

   4. Connect utilities. If utilities are not specified in the lease - contact the companies that provide these services and apply for connection. You need to find out which companies in your area deal with water, gas, electricity, garbage collection, telephone and Internet connections, contact them and clarify the plan of action. You may need a copy of your rental agreement, so be sure to take it with you.

      • Combine services. Often, companies providing telephone and Internet services offer the use of several services at a significant discount.
      • Since you have to pay utility bills, it is worth sticking to the principle of energy saving. Buy energy-saving light bulbs and don't forget to turn off the lights. Go to bed early. When it gets a little chilly, cover yourself with blankets instead of turning on the heat right away.

   5. Schedule your budget. You will need to write down all expenses (rent, utilities, food, and so on) and income and create a fund allocation plan. Control in cash, perhaps the most important component of independent living. It is necessary to distribute money in such a way that it is enough for all current expenses.

      • Do not allow yourself to spend more on leisure activities (bowling, going to the movies or cafes, and so on) than your budget allows. Otherwise, you won't be able to pay your bills.
      • Be sure to budget for non-essential expenses such as gas, insurance, furniture, clothing, repairs, and so on. Try to save a little from each salary in case you urgently need money in the future.

   6. Pay your bills on time. You will need to keep track of the due dates of all your payments. It is necessary to decide where the money from each paycheck will go. Try to develop a strong habit of paying everything on time so that delays do not affect your financial situation.

   Part 3

   How to develop essential life skills

   Take care of nutrition. Gone are the days when someone took care of your daily diet. You need to understand how you are going to eat several times a day, given your new budget. It will be difficult at first, especially when it comes to choosing healthy foods on your own, but over time it will become easier.

   1. Do household chores. Mom and dad will no longer ask you to take out the trash or remind you to clean the room. It's time to understand why they did it all. Doing household chores is important to avoid bad odors and unwanted "tenants" like cockroaches, mice, and ants.

      • Clean up the mess every day, especially when it comes to food. Sweep the floor, vacuum the carpets, wipe the countertops and the stove top. It is also worth at least once a week to clean the bathroom and toilet and do wet cleaning of the whole house.
      • Wash things regularly. Clothes will pile up. If you don’t really want to wade through the rubble of dirty clothes, lay the laundry at least once a week. If you have a washing machine - great; if not, you need to look for a laundry. Check the tags on your clothes to make sure you are washing everything properly.
      • Wash dishes every day. Dishes will collect in the sink and begin to exude bad smell. It is better to wash it immediately by hand or in the dishwasher. Do not forget to dry it and put it in its place.
      • Take out the trash as soon as the bag is complete. Garbage will give off an unpleasant smell, and more and more waste will be collected if you do not simply collect everything and take it out; the fact that your growing landfill will begin to attract mice and cockroaches is not even worth mentioning.

Normally, the main task of education is the gradual shifting of self-care to the owner himself. That is, we assume that by the age of three the child already knows how to feel the urge to go to the potty, at five years old he can understand that he is hungry and cook the simplest food for himself, distinguishes “I'm scared” from “I'm sick of ice cream”, at school he makes sure that the portfolio is packed, the lessons are done and at least one clean shirt is available. Yes, and distinguishes a clean shirt from a dirty one.

In fact, we are now seeing the second generation of grown children who have no idea how their lives are going.

In the literal sense: where does the food on the table come from, what spells dirty clothes turn into clean overnight, why the head or stomach hurts ... Hyper-custody and anxiety of parents leads to the fact that up to 12-13 years old, children are taken and taken everywhere literally "by the hand", the only duty declared is study. Girls to a lesser extent, boys practically without exception do not know how to cook, wash, choose products in the store, take care of their health. Therefore, the primary task in preparing for leaving the parental home, in my opinion, is not knowledge of subjects, but the skills of self-regulation, self-service and self-support. These are the three main Self-skills that children need to instill before they leave their home.

1. Self-regulation

To begin with, ask yourself: do I distinguish between the concepts of “feel/feel”? How do you answer the question "How are you?" and what do you answer the question "How do you feel?". In our language, the first question assumes an answer about the mental state, and the second - about the physical. How are you today? I feel good, or I'm sad, or I'm worried, or anxious, or I'm happy, I'm happy.
Most teenagers operate with the concepts of "norms" and "shitty"

And then, as is customary, various tips follow on how to get out of the "shitty" state and return to the "normal" state. Although, you see, it sucks because you didn’t do your homework, but remembered it now, or it sucks because your girlfriend cut her veins and is now in the hospital - these are different crap.

So our first duty is to teach the child to distinguish his emotional states, to name them correctly, to distinguish emotions from physiology. That is, roughly speaking, do not try to fill melancholy with wine, do not agree to go to the skating rink when you cough, "to unwind, otherwise you are somehow sad." She is not sad, she is weak after her illness. Ideally, do not confuse gastritis with panic attacks. Girls should know what PMS is, so as not to panic "oh, no one loves me, I'm dying" every month. Everyone, without exception, is required to know contraceptives well and learn the rules of safe sex before “bouncing off the teeth”.

How to develop your child's emotional intelligence

It is very important that by the time of departure from home, the young man is familiar with the functioning of his body in the medical sense. So that the questions of the nurse at the first examination in the student clinic do not confuse him. “Mom! What did I hurt? Were there any head injuries? Where did I get this scar on my belly? They ask what vaccinations. Were there psychos in our family? Just kidding, just kidding, this is not a doctor, these guys are interested. For girls, important information: whether they had rubella or not, and when, this is in case of a sudden pregnancy.

In general, dedicate the child to the subtleties of his life, for example:“When you get sick, you have a very high temperature on the first day, ibuprofen / paracetamol in this form helps, then you usually vomit, then you lie in bed for a day, then everything is in order.” It would seem that all this happened to him more than once or twice, but the children do not record and do not process these events in any way. There is a mother - she will take care. Girls are usually in the know, boys are usually not at all.

The connection between “laying down late - in the morning they poured sand into my eyes” is not obvious, it must be established. Less well-known regularities such as “if you drink liquid from a vial with poison written on it, sooner or later you will feel unwell”, “I ate two chebureks and a shawarma near the station - I didn’t leave the toilet for three days”, as it turned out, require experimental confirmation on a large data array. Once is clearly not enough.

2. Self-service

What will his school day consist of? I woke up, found that I was late (because my mother woke up at home for breakfast already laid), flew out like a bullet, unwashed, unkempt, hungry. I dressed in what I took off from the evening (well, if). The weather could change, but who pays attention to the weather! Most of the young people I know wear shorts and sneakers until the hard snow, and then winter boots until the summer holidays. Because, as we all know, mom takes care of the clothes. Plus or minus woke up to the second pair, realized that he was already on the verge of a hungry faint, ran into the store, bought a roll, no, three, no, five rolls and a bottle of cola, it seemed to feel better. At lunch - some kind of burger, for dinner - a large mug of beer and ice cream. It was lucky if a girl appeared immediately, she follows and directs at least a little. And it can even gently hint that it's time to wash the sweatshirt, and the jeans are already turning into an installation. Modern children treat the offer to clean their shoes approximately as “light the stove and put on the samovar”.

Do you understand what I'm getting at? We ourselves, with our own hands, are raising young people who are completely unfit for life. We are so obsessed with studying and going to college that we forget to teach us how to take care of ourselves, not to mention those around us.

Therefore, I propose consistently and persistently accustom children of both sexes to self-care. The ultimate goal is complete self-service by the time of graduation. Washing, buying clothes, groceries, cosmetics, cooking - all this a teenager can and should do on his own. Take him shopping with you, discuss different brands of dishwashing detergents, teach him how to spend money correctly, not fall for all sorts of marketing tricks, use discounts and special offers. Subscribe it to the wonderful men's magazine Menʼs Health, and girls are also welcome, it is full of all sorts of life hacks and instructions of the class “porridge from an ax”, “what to do when you are poisoned by stale vodka”, “10 ways to look decent, although you spent the night in the garbage dump”.

How to teach your child to take care of himself
In fact, this is one of the main fears of a person standing on the threshold of his home with a bundle on his shoulder: who will take care of me? It is not pronounced because they will laugh at it, but you will not believe how many young men and women have confessed this to me as the main obstacle to an independent life.
In addition, it is very important to teach the child to set aside time for all these exercises. After all, if you served him completely and completely, so as not to "take away time from lessons", he may not even realize that washing by hand is about an hour. Cooking - another hour. And grocery shopping for a week - an hour and a half. Accordingly, he will not reserve time and energy for these uninteresting matters.

3. Self-support

What do you do when you have problems? Call friends / girlfriends? Looking for information on the Internet? Consoling yourself with cake or beer? Does your child know how adults deal with the various challenges of life? What is his self-support repertoire?

Well, if you have at least basic ideas about personality types. Because one person, in order to relax, needs to go out to people, change the situation, stare and stagger among the lights and sounds (extroverts), and the other needs to be alone in silence and sort out the closet (introverts). Someone needs hugs, tea and cookies and a warm blanket, and someone needs to perform a small feat from time to time in order to receive applause and admiration.

Do you know this about your child? Does he know? My three children are practically a 3D model: one needs order, silence and communication with close friends, the other needs a lot of events and activities, the third needs an adoring audience and someone who needs his care nearby. And I spent quite a lot of time for them to learn how to find these sources of energy for themselves.
Unfortunately, if girls are still somehow taught the art of taking care of themselves, men are instructed to completely give this function to their mother or girlfriend / spouse
The maximum that they are allowed by cultural tradition is to complain aggressively about life. That's it. At the same time, it is possible and even desirable to take care of others. But paying attention to your well-being, mood, desires is fi, it's so unmanly.

So what we got as a result:

The main task of us as parents is to prepare the child for an independent life in a modern environment. He must be able to handle money, take care of his health, appearance, surrounding space. Well, if a young man has an idea about psychology - both for himself and for people in general. All this is much more important than the USE scores in mathematics, social science and chemistry. But for some reason this is not taught in school. We'll have to do it ourselves.

I would like to somehow reassure and support you, to say that everything will be fine, the children will grow up, their life will get better one way or another. Yes, they will be hard and at times quite sad. So it was hard for us, so we tear our veins, trying to spread not even straws, but downy pillows everywhere. But they must go through it themselves, it is impossible to appropriate someone else's experience. But how proud they are of their achievements! And how much strength they gain when they manage to overcome something, to cope with difficulties, to be able to. Do not deprive them of these victories, these future memories, these stars on the fuselage. Otherwise, they will only boast of a virtual life.

Center for post-boarding support

TOGBU "Center for family support and assistance to children

them. A.V. Lunacharsky

preparation for independent life and work

« Way to success. Me and others...»

Psychologist

Romanova N.A.

Rasskazovo 2016

1. Section "Me and others"

Lesson #1

Subject: Introductory lesson

Introductory part:

Trainer's greeting

Exercise "What is your name". Participants are invited to introduce themselves: give their name, say if they like it, and say what name they would like to be called in the group. Many children are often unhappy with their name. They prefer to be referred to in the group by their full name or some other name.

Acquaintance with the goals and objectives of the course.

Development of a greeting ritual and group rules.

Main part:

Working on your name . Exercise "Say your name"

Instruction. Please sit in one big circle, say your name and a positive quality (what you value in yourself) in the first letter of the name, in a circle

After this exercise, you can have a discussion.

Discussion. What do you value in yourself? Was it difficult to find a good quality in yourself, what did you feel at the same time?

Information for the facilitator. It is sometimes difficult for children to name a quality with the right letter or to find a positive quality in themselves, so it is important for the facilitator to support the child in time, help him and involve other members of the group for this.

Exercise "Say Your Name-2"

This exercise is carried out in the same way as the “Say Your Name” exercise, only each subsequent participant calls out the names and qualities of all previous participants (or one previous one). In addition, another circle is held, where each participant again calls his name and negative quality with the letter of the name (what he would like to change in himself).

Discussion. How did you feel when others called your quality? Was it difficult to name your negative quality? For the facilitator, this exercise shows how the child perceives himself, how the group perceives him, and what the goal of his further work in the group may be. After conducting these exercises, the facilitator talks about the “good-bad” stereotypes, using these qualities. It is necessary to pay attention to the fact that in each quality there are two sides - both positive and negative. For example, laziness has a positive side - the ability to relax, and obedience has a negative side - the rejection of one's needs. When we are aware of both the positive and negative sides of a quality, balance and conscious choice of a course of action are possible. After the conversation, you can offer the following exercise.

Final part

Reflection. Finish the sentence: "Today I'm in class..."

Lesson #2

Subject: My expectations

Purpose: To create a favorable emotional atmosphere and a positive attitude for further work in the group.

Introductory part:

We continue our acquaintance . Exercise "Affectionate Name" This exercise is also performed in a circle. The participant throws the ball to another participant, while naming his affectionate name. After all participants have called their affectionate name, the ball is returned back, while each participant remembers the affectionate name of the one who threw the ball to him and pronounces it.

Main part:

We invite the participants to speak in a circle about what they want to get from the classes, what are their expectations.

Exercise "Hourglass". In advance, the poster must depict an hourglass. Participants are invited to write their expectations on pieces of paper and attach to the top of the pictured hourglass. This poster hangs in a conspicuous place during all classes. We tell the guys that they can move their leaves down the hourglass as their expectations are fulfilled.

Exercise "Name and Movement". The exercise allows you to feel yourself and your belonging to the group, using your body. It also gives you the opportunity to present yourself to the group in an unusual way. Children like that the whole group repeats their gestures. As the game progresses, the desire to "capture" one's movement becomes stronger and stronger. At the same time, children get a great opportunity to laugh. Instruction. Get in a circle. Now each of you, in a circle, will step forward and make some movement or stand in some position, that is, introduce yourself and say your name. After that, we will all be this person and count: one, two, three! - all together, repeat his name and movement. You can continue the exercise - make another circle, but "depict a different movement that reflects how you would like to be."

Exercise Good or Bad. The host chooses a quality. This may be the quality that was mentioned more often than others, or more relevant in this group. You can write down on pieces of paper several of the qualities named. Pull out one of them, or ask the guys what quality to take for the exercise. In a circle, each participant expresses his opinion about this quality. At the same time, the first participant begins his statement with the words “it is good to be (chosen quality), because ...”, and the next participant begins with the words “it is bad to be (chosen quality), because ...” and so on alternately. For example: “it’s good to be sloppy because you can throw your things wherever you want”, “it’s bad to be sloppy because girls won’t love”. Two circles are held so that everyone can reflect both the positive and the negative side of the quality. The facilitator helps and supports children in finding the positive and negative aspects of quality, attracts participants to an active discussion and support for each other.

Final part

Reflection. How was class today?

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson #3

Topic: Ideas about personality and its values. Variety of personal resources.

Purpose: Introduction to a new topic. Introduce the concept of "Values" and the diversity of personal resources

Introductory part:

Greetings. An exercise in creating an atmosphere of goodwill and complicity. "Hello! I like you!" All participants sit in a circle. One of them goes in a circle and touches any participant sitting in a circle. The two of them start running around in opposite directions. When children meet, they stop, shake hands and say, “Hi! I like you because...!” and come up with the end of the phrase. The first player returns to the circle, and the second touches the head of another player and the game continues (it is necessary that each participant takes part in the game).

Main part

Exercise "Kindness" promotes the development of trust, cohesion of the group. Instruction. In each of us, to one degree or another, a sense of kindness, a good attitude towards people is developed. Now we will hear kind words about people. What can you say kind and good about your relatives, acquaintances, friends. You have 5 minutes to prepare for the story. You yourself choose the people (preferably from a group) that you will talk about. Your story should be short and specific, while emphasizing what you value in each of those you are talking about.

theoretical material. What are values? The participants are asked the question: “Guys, what are values? How do you understand this word? Children actively offer their options from the most absurd to the most reasonable. Suggested answers can be written on the board. But everyone comes to the same conclusion. Next, the guys get acquainted with the concept of "values". Values ​​are a person's ideas about what is most important in life; it is what gives the vector to its existence.

Exercise "My Values". The guys are invited to imagine that they are in a bank that stores not gold and precious stones, but something that is especially valuable for every person. They are invited to write down on separate sheets of paper what is especially dear to them, and distribute it among the safes. At the same time, the largest safe is for the most expensive. Discussion. What did you put in the safes (large, medium and small)? Why?

theoretical material. Types of values. The children can be asked to answer the question: “What values ​​\u200b\u200bdo you know?”. Answers can also be written on the board or whatman paper. Usually, children name the two most common options for classifying human values ​​- these are material and spiritual. After the proposed options, students are offered a classification of values ​​in the form of a slide presentation. A slide is shown. Types of values: values ​​can be unconscious - in the form of vague sensations, images, semantic clouds - then a person tries to explain them with poems, drawings, music or dance. They can be conscious, then a person can call them words. Conscious values, in turn, can be: real, and then a person acts in accordance with them. But they can also be declarative or unreal: then a person says one thing and does another. In addition to this, there are also values:

Professional values ​​- related to work. These are money, wealth, comfort, professional growth, helping other people, etc.

Intellectual is knowledge, education, erudition, curiosity, creative thinking, etc.

Physical - sports, beauty and body hygiene, health.

Spiritual - faith in God, spiritual harmony, personal development and self-improvement.

Emotional - openness in communication, acceptance of people as they are.

Ethical - honesty, decency, justice, generosity, the ability to enjoy what you have, correctness.

Aesthetic - style, fashion, external attractiveness of people, things, aesthetic taste, cleanliness, order in the house, etc.

Material - money, wealth, property, valuables, etc. etc.

Cultural - art in all its manifestations.

Patriotic - love for the motherland, country, traditions, etc.

Final part

Reflection. Complete the sentence: "My values ​​are..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson number 4

Topic: My values ​​and resources.

Purpose: Creation of conditions for the formation of the desire for self-knowledge of orphans.

Introductory part:

Greetings. Exercise "Drawing yourself". Teenagers are provided with paper of different sizes and different colors, markers, pencils, pens, crayons, etc. Instructions. Now I suggest you draw yourself. You can depict yourself in plants, animals, schematically, in color and in a different way, as you like. For drawing, you can use any paper and any writing utensils. Each participant can show their drawing and tell the group about it. The facilitator should keep in mind that children often strive for an adult to praise their drawing, “appreciate it perfectly”. The host at the same time emphasizes that each drawing is good in its own way, and most importantly, that the participants portrayed themselves.

Main part

1. Exercise "Rose and Thistle". Two of these items are given to one of the participants. And he can approach any of those sitting in a circle and say: “I give you this rose for being you and I give you this thistle for being you ... (a rose is for the quality that you accept in a person, you like it, and a thistle for that quality that you do not accept in him, over which, as you think, he needs to work). The participant who received the rose and thistle "gifts" them to another member of the group, etc.

2. What is your own uniqueness and the uniqueness of another person? All children are invited to answer this question. The facilitator summarizes what the teenagers said. You can use the results of the exercises "Drawing yourself" and"Rose and Thistle".

3. Exercise "Associations": Name what associations you have on the word "Resource". Then, in an accessible form, tell the children: "What is a personality resource, a variety of personality resources." Resources are certain abilities, knowledge and skills of a person that allow him to effectively cope with the requirements of the environment. These include the ability to understand the social situation, to predict one's own behavior and the behavior of others in it, to take responsibility for one's behavior and life in general, a positive self-esteem formed in accordance with age, the ability to understand and emotionally empathize with one's neighbor while maintaining a clear understanding that everyone has their own path and choice, and each person is individual and not like others. In other words, the resources of the individual are all those psychological foundations that allow a person to face life's difficulties without fear, not to seek to avoid them, but to reasonably solve problems, use the help and support of others.

4. Exercise "Oh, what a fine fellow you are!" Participants are divided into pairs. One of them says something good about himself, and the second counts these compliments: “Oh, what a good fellow you are - one! .. Oh, what a good fellow you are - two! ..”, etc. Then the participants change places. In the discussion, you can ask questions: “Was it easy to say so many good things about yourself? What helped, what prevented you from doing this exercise? Exercise allows you to turn to yourself from a positive side. It increases self-esteem, but it is quite difficult for children.

Final part

Reflection. Complete the sentence: "My resources are..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson number 5

Topic: Your own uniqueness and the uniqueness of another person. Unappreciative acceptance of one's own qualities and the qualities of others.

Purpose: To expand the idea of ​​the uniqueness of each person.

Introductory part:

Greetings. Exercise "Princess, dragon and samurai". Let's split into two, equal in number of team members. I suggest you play the game "The Princess and the Samurai". This game is similar to the children's toy Rock-Paper-Scissors. Remember this game? Only this game is a team game. This means that team members will have time to agree on which figure they will show. After you agree, the teams line up in two lines against each other and at my command, you simultaneously show the selected figures. We will have three figures: a princess, a samurai and a dragon. Princess defeats Samurai, Dragon Samurai, Dragon Princess. How to show figures? Samurai. How will we show it? The usual image of a samurai is a sword, he is aggressive and shouts "banzai". Let's try to show a samurai: everyone has a sword in their hand, step forward, strike with a sword and shout “banzai”! On the count of three or four! The Dragon. How can we show the dragon? He is bigger and scarier, and he also has flames from his mouth. Let's try to show the dragon on my command: step forward, claw hands and growl - rrrrrr. Princess. "Well, we'll have a 'warm princess'. Let's try: a chorus girl, with a hem in her hands, with her feet like in a variety show and singing "la-la-la". We figured out the figures, now each team has 30 seconds to discuss their first move, i.e. what figure you will show. Try to discuss it so that the other team does not hear you. The game will be played up to three wins.

Main part

Exercise "Magic Shop" Participants can focus on their self-image, their characteristics and their analysis, thinking about what they would like to change. The exercise allows you to come to the conclusion that in order to acquire something new, we always have to pay. Participants can also think about life goals that are significant to them. Instruction. I want to offer you an exercise that will give you the opportunity to look at yourself. Get comfortable. Take a few deep breaths in and out and relax completely. Imagine that you are walking along a narrow path through a forest. Imagine the nature around you. Take a look around. Is it dark or light in the forest around you? What do you hear? What smells do you smell? What else do you feel? Suddenly the path turns and leads you to some old house. You become interested and you go inside. You see shelves, drawers. Vessels, jars, boxes are everywhere. This is an old shop, and a magical one. Now imagine that I am a salesman in this shop. Welcome! Here you can acquire something, but not things, but character traits, abilities - whatever you want. But there is one rule: for every quality, your desire, you must give something, another quality, or refuse something. Anyone who wishes to use the magic shop can come up to me and tell me what they want. I will ask the question: "What will you give for this?" He must decide what it will be. The exchange will take place if someone from the group wants to acquire this quality, ability, skill, what is given, or if this exchange seems to me, the owner of the shop, of equal value, I like this ability, skill. After a while, the next member of the group may approach me. In conclusion, we will discuss what each of us has experienced.

Exercise "Country house" Instruction. Imagine that you and your friends decide to spend the weekend in your country house. Each of you went to your house to prepare everything for the arrival of friends. Suddenly it began to snow, a strong wind rose. It is clear that friends will not be able to come today. The house has a supply of water, food, fuel, a gym, a swimming pool, a tape recorder, a TV, a VCR, a library, alcohol, a computer with games. The guys describe their intended actions, provided there is no connection with the outside world.

Then the task is complicated by the fact that:

this situation continues the next day;

this situation continues for a week;

this situation has been going on for a month.

3. Exercises "Suitcase on the road"

In a circle, the participant writes two qualities on a separate piece of paper: the quality that you value in this person, and the quality that you would like to see more developed in this person.

Final part

1. Reflection. Complete the sentence: “My unique value is…”

2. Farewell. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson #6

Topic: Self-esteem.

Purpose: To give the concept of self-esteem of a person, to expand the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhis unique personality.

Introductory part:

Ha ha ha exercise. Everyone lies down, putting their head on the stomach of another participant and thus forming a long chain. The first player says: "Ha", the second: "Ha ha", etc. The game restarts if someone laughs.

Main part:

Self-esteem is a value that a person attributes to himself or to his individual qualities. The main criterion for evaluation is what a person considers significant. The main functions that are performed by self-esteem are regulatory, on the basis of which the tasks of personal choice are solved, and protective, which ensures the relative stability and independence of the individual. A significant role in the formation of self-esteem is played by the assessments of the surrounding personality and the achievements of the individual. It can also be said that self-esteem is a state when a person evaluates himself in different areas, giving an assessment to one or another of his qualities (attractiveness, sexuality, professionalism).

Self-esteem, i.e. a person's assessment of himself, his capabilities, qualities and place among other people, of course, refers to the basic qualities of a person. It is she who largely determines the relationship with others, criticality, exactingness towards oneself, attitude towards successes and failures.

A person, living and acting in the world around him, constantly compares himself with other people, his own deeds and successes with the deeds and successes of other people. We make the same comparison - self-assessment in relation to all our qualities: appearance, abilities, success in school or work. In other words, we learn from childhood to evaluate ourselves.

Exercise "Image" I "

The exercise is aimed at understanding the personal existence, at connecting the verbal and non-verbal components of the expressiveness of the self-evaluative position.

Each participant is invited to pronounce the word "I" with his own intonation, facial expressions, gestures. It is necessary to do this in such a way that one word as fully as possible expresses the perception of one's "I", one's individuality and one's place in the world.

Exercise "Self-portrait"

The exercise is aimed at exploring ideas about oneself.

Take Blank sheet paper and draw your portrait on it. It can be a portrait of yourself during the “Theater of Touch” exercise (how you saw yourself), or it can be your portrait in everyday life or some other portrait of yourself in your imagination. We draw with the condition not to look and not see the drawings of other members of the group. When you finish painting self-portraits, give us personally.

Another variant. Imagine that you are meeting with a stranger and he needs to get to know you. Describe yourself. Look for signs that make you stand out from the crowd. Describe your appearance, gait, manner of speaking, dressing. Maybe you have some eye-catching gestures.

Work takes place in pairs. During the speech of one of the partners, the other may ask clarifying questions in order to make the "self-portrait" more complete.

15-20 minutes are allotted for discussion in pairs.

At the end of the task, the participants sit in a circle and share their impressions.

3. Collage "Who am I?"

Participants are encouraged to mentally ask themselves the question “Who am I?”. And from the proposed pictures and clippings, create a collage that would answer this question.

Option: Mentally ask some question that worries you, and make a collage in order to get an answer from your “inner wisdom”.

4 . Creative task "I am in the future" (drawing, story, collage.).

Instruction. Let's dream about our future:

in professional terms (who will you be, what type of activity will you be engaged in);

in personal terms (family, children, etc.);

psychologically (human qualities).

Determine the chronological framework, for example, the future in a year, in five years, in 25 years.

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "I'm good because..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson number 7

Subject: Social roles. Communication. Barriers in communication.

Purpose: to give the concept of "communication", types of communication, teach to establish constructive contact with the interlocutor.

Introductory part:

Exercise "Who is this?"

The purpose of the exercise that we will carry out is to amuse us and thereby cheer us up and prepare for further training. Take each piece of paper and draw a head on top - a person, an animal, a bird. Bend the sheet so that the drawn is not visible only the tip of the neck. And pass the drawing to a neighbor. Each participant in the game had new leaf with an image he didn't see. Everyone draws the upper part of the torso, "hides" the drawing again and passes it on to a neighbor to draw the limbs on the new sheet received. Now expand all the drawings and see what creatures are depicted on them.

Main part:

In the culture of mankind, the most ancient art is the art of communication. There was no theater yet, no painting, no music - there was communication.

Communication is not only the process of exchanging information. This is empathy and Team work, and much more.

Communication serves to resolve many issues that arise every day.

A synonym for communication is the term "communicative activity".

In order to establish good contact, it is important to arrange the interlocutor to yourself, to arouse his trust, interest in yourself. To do this, we have non-verbal and verbal means.

Non-verbal - smile, eye contact, organization of communication space (distance). Verbal - compliments, "ritual" phrases (what a nice weather ...), etc.

Communication scheme:

What? (Informational aspect of communication).

To whom? (Orientation of communication).

For what? (Relevance, interest).

Why? (Argumentation, motive of communication).

How? (Structure, levels, forms of communication).

When we communicate, we do not even notice it, we answer these questions.

It often happens that, starting to communicate with strangers, we feel sympathy and trust for one of them from the very first seconds of our communication, in relation to others - a clear negative, and still others - remain a mystery to us for some time. The fact is that information is transmitted not only through words, that is, at the verbal level, but also through non-verbal means of communication, which include facial expressions, postures and gestures.

Our gestures are accurate indicators of the internal state, thoughts, emotions and true desires of a person, therefore, in the case when we hear one thing in words, but we see a discrepancy in the face and body of the interlocutor, doubts and distrust of the speaker arise in us. And it happens on a subconscious level. For some reason, we simply don’t like this person, and only after a while we find confirmation of this, we are convinced of the correctness of our first impression of him, exclaiming: “I felt it!”. The fact is that words are easier to control, but gestures, gaze and body postures are the most difficult to control by will. Therefore, our "second language" is often more truthful and effective. This is what we observe when they try to deceive or confuse us, body language says something completely different than words, and someone who we immediately liked both words and gestures they said the same thing, they coincided and did not contradict each other. Therefore, it is believed that the first ten seconds give the most accurate impression of a person, when we still do not know anything about him, since facial expressions, posture, and gestures instantly enter into a wordless dialogue with us.

Communications researcher Albert Meyerabian found that information is only 7% verbal, 38% verbal (including tone of voice and intonation), and 55% non-verbal. In life, our body performs many different movements, which in turn can be static, i.e. motionless, they include poses, and can be dynamic - this is a gait and gestures.

With gestures, we win over and repel, call and stop, attract attention and defend ourselves. In its turn gestures are divided into several types. They are: generally accepted, emotional (bear a cultural basis), personal (those that are typical for a given person and the more individual a person is, the more original these will be). gestures) and ritual (for example, used in greeting). Moreover, in different countries and cultures the same gestures can denote concepts that are completely opposite in meaning, and therefore are perceived differently. For example, let's take the simplest gestures meaning "yes" and "no". Saying "yes", the Greeks, Turks or Bulgarians will turn their heads from left to right and back, which for most Europeans is equivalent to "no". Or such a gesture, popular in many countries, when the thumb and forefinger are connected in the form of a ring. For an American, it is “okay”, for a French Mediterranean it is “zero” or “nothing”, for a Tunisian it is “I will kill you”, and for a Japanese it is “money”. And the index finger attached to the temple will express stupidity in France and intelligence in Holland. The same finger, attached to the nose, in Scotland means "I know a secret", and in neighboring Wales - ordinary curiosity. The finger of the century in Italy expresses a manifestation of goodwill, in Spain - distrust, and the Frenchman considers that he is taken for a liar. You can wave your hand at parting in any country except Greece: they will think that you are sending them to hell. Therefore, for tourists traveling in different countries, it will be relevant to remember the rule “They don’t go to a strange monastery with their own charter” in order to avoid possible embarrassing situations.

Exercise "Social Roles"

The exercise is performed in a circle. Participants are invited to name the roles in which they are in a circle. We can play different roles and we can change them, but at the same time we remain ourselves. Like how we have the same body when we change clothes. Draw or simply list the many roles that you have ever been in your life.

Exercise "Brownian movement" or "Molecules".

Imagine that we are all "Atoms". Atoms are constantly moving. At low temperatures, atoms move slowly; the higher the temperature, the faster the atoms move. From time to time atoms combine to form molecules. The number of atoms in a molecule can be different. It will be determined by what number I call. Imagine that:

The temperature is 30 degrees - the atoms began to move (combine 3 atoms into a molecule).

Temperature 50 degrees - atoms move faster (combine 4 atoms per molecule).

Temperature 100 degrees - atoms "run like mad" (combine 5 atoms per molecule).

Exercises "Rules of communication"

The facilitator invites the participants to formulate rules that help them in communication. The formulated rules are submitted for general discussion:

In what situations can this rule help?

Is it difficult to follow this rule?

Do you apply this rule?

Is this rule right for you?

The rules approved by the majority of the participants are written on the board.

Leading!

Possible rule options:

Be brief.

Speak clearly, legibly.

Do not use assessments and generalizations in your speech (“This is not right”, “You do not understand”, “You are always like this”, etc.)

Speak from "I" ("I feel that...", "I think...")

Exercise "Non-verbal contact"

Instruction. One of the participants (volunteer) will have to leave the room. When he returns, he will have to determine which of the participants is ready to make contact with him. In this case, we will all use only non-verbal means. The group, in the absence of a volunteer, will have to identify a participant who will demonstrate a willingness to make contact, the rest will have to show a reluctance to do so. Then other volunteers are selected. At the same time, the number of participants who want to make contact can be gradually increased - two, three, or everyone who wants to.

Discussion. Was it easy to make contact? What helped determine the person who wants to communicate? By what means did they show unwillingness to communicate? How did you feel when you realized that you were not interested in communicating with you? Were there volunteers who managed to make contact with more group members than planned? When discussing the exercise, attention is drawn to the signs that were decisive in determining the readiness to make contact.

The subject of discussion may be the difficulties associated with the ambiguity of presenting one's desire or unwillingness to make contact. This exercise allows you to note the sensitivity, goodwill of the participants, the means of non-verbal contact. For the facilitator, this exercise is, to some extent, sociometric.

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: “For me, communication is…”

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson #8

Subject: Manipulation. Confident behavior.

Purpose: to give the concept of "manipulation", to develop the skill of confident behavior.

Introductory part:

Exercise "Mrs. Mumble"

We sit in a circle. Now one of you should turn to your neighbor on the right and ask: "Excuse me, have you seen Mrs. Mumble?". The neighbor on the right should answer with the phrase: “No, I didn’t see it. But I can ask my neighbor,” after which he turns to his neighbor on the right and asks the set question, and so on in a circle. Attention! There is one condition for the correct performance of this exercise: when asking and answering questions, you cannot show your teeth. The one who laughs or shows his teeth during the dialogue is out of the circle.

Main part:

At the beginning of the lesson, the facilitator will have to perform the manipulation procedure used by the sellers of the so-called "timeshares" - houses rented out for temporary use for recreation. To create a free environment, the host starts the conversation with a neutral topic (weather, sports, TV shows, how I spend my free time). The participants alternately complete the phrase “Most of all I like to relax in ... (season)”.

Leading. Name in a circle the place (city, country) where you would like to visit. . Would you like to be able to spend your holidays there? . Would you like to have your own house there? If you were paying for a tourist trip, what form of payment would you use: cash, non-cash, credit cards? (Participant answers.) Having a home in each of these places is not too difficult and not too expensive. Let's assume that small house in a certain city or country costs 200 thousand dollars. However, if you buy it not for 20 years, but for one year, the price is reduced by 20 times. If you only need a house for one month during the year, then the amount must be divided by another 12. If you plan to rest only two weeks during the year, then you need to pay only 416 dollars. After that, for 20 years every year you can come to this house - it is completely yours for two weeks. No need to pay for an expensive hotel or rent someone else's apartment. The whole house is at your disposal.

Isn't it beneficial?

Would you like to have such an option?

As a rule, participants give affirmative answers. Then the facilitator asks if those present would like a soft drink, and offers it to those who wish. He ends his speech with the message:

This offer is valid for today only. If you are able to pay right now by signing a contract with me, then you will receive a 50% discount and the right to temporary use of a house in Sochi (in France, in the Maldives) for only $200. By the way, three people in the parallel class have already agreed and are very satisfied.

After a short pause, during which you can again offer a soft drink, the facilitator explains what happened right now and offers to discuss the situation.

During the discussion, participants are asked the following questions:

Have you actually come across similar offers?

Would you agree to such an offer? Why?

Have you ever felt like someone is trying to control you? if yes, then why?

The facilitator explains the essence of the manipulation techniques implemented:

the question of the availability of a credit card indirectly indicates the solvency of the client;

the seller of timeshare services does not talk about the quality of the house, how far from the sea it is located, whether it has the necessary amenities;

does not say how much the fare to the house costs, and that the house is actually paid for only for one year - when the contract is extended, you must pay again, etc. By the way, mentioning that a purchase has already been made in a parallel class is also manipulation - the client is provoked to “be like everyone else”.

Leading. Very often people buy things they don't need, sometimes more expensive than they could do it in a store. They invest in pyramid schemes, take part in a “free and win-win” lottery, as a result of which they lose a lot of money. (Participants are invited to give examples known to them similar cases.)

Sellers in such situations use the so-called "manipulation" (shows a poster with a definition of this concept). Manipulation aims to form another person's intentions that do not coincide with his real desires, in other words, it is forcing another to do what the manipulator needs, while the one who is being manipulated believes that he is acting independently.

Manipulation has certain properties. These are: the hidden nature of the impact, the attitude of the manipulator to another as a means of achieving their goals; the desire to get a one-sided win.

There are several types of manipulation (according to R. Chaldini).

"Mutual Exchange"

It assumes that a person will seek to repay the service provided to him. For example, in an experiment, subjects, divided into pairs, had to evaluate paintings. One of them was a decoy, that is, an assistant to a psychologist. During a break, he would leave the lab and then return with two bottles of Coca-Cola and offer one of them to the real subject. In the control group, he returned without water.

After the evaluation of the pictures was over, he asked the subject to do him a favor - to buy one or more lottery tickets from him. Subjects who had previously been offered a Coca-Cola purchased, on average, twice as many tickets (even though one ticket cost more than a bottle of water).

The “reciprocity” rule gives us the opportunity to influence our decision by doing something for us first. It works even when we are being given a favor we didn't ask for, and even when the favor we are supposed to render is much more serious.

This rule is based on the "reject-then-retreat" tactic. It lies in the fact that, starting with an exaggerated demand, the demander moves on to the real one, which now looks like a concession and forces us to give in return. In addition, there is also the phenomenon of contrast involved: a smaller request, compared to a larger one, may seem less difficult to fulfill.

For example, if we ask for a large loan of money, we may be refused, but most likely we will not be refused if our next request is for a smaller loan. At the same time, the victim has a sense of responsibility and satisfaction with the agreement being concluded, since the decision, as it seems to her, was made independently.

"Subsequence"

This technique is based on the fact that by forcing a person to do a small favor, it is already easy to get him to do a large one. An example is the foot-in-the-door method. In the "trading" version, it lies in the fact that the buyer is easier to persuade to make a large purchase after he makes a small one. The “throwing a low ball” method is also based on this, which consists in the fact that even after the reason disappears (for example, a discount on a product) for which we agreed to something, we still do it (buy).

As the discussion progresses, the facilitator invites participants to give examples. If they find it difficult, he does it himself. Concluding the story about the “sequence”, the presenter talks about a controlled inference - a situation when certain typical stereotypes work. So, if you give a series of 3,6,8 and say that these are numbers, then ask what “o” is, they will most likely answer that this is the number “zero”, and if you bring a series a, b, c and ask the same question, then most likely they will answer that this is the letter “o”.

"Social Proof"

This mechanism is connected with the fact that in order to understand how to act in a given situation, we often focus on the behavior of other people in this situation. The principle of social proof states: “The more people find a given idea to be true, the more true that idea is.” In specially spread rumors about the financial pyramid "Vlastilin", it was said that huge profits were received by those who were not afraid to invest in the pyramid widely famous stars stage.

It is curious that very often in a difficult situation, the people whose behavior we are guided by, are also guided by us in the same way. However, in this case, manipulation does not occur. Why?

"Goodwill"

Based on the fact that we tend to agree with people we like. However, sympathy does not just happen.

First, we are more sympathetic to people we know. It is no coincidence that often, when someone asks us, he tries to introduce himself as an acquaintance of our friend. It is the mechanism of "goodwill" that underlies the tradition of being introduced by someone when meeting.

Secondly, the physical attractiveness of a person is important. Numerous studies have shown that when one positive characteristic catches the eye of others, it pushes others, including negative ones, into the background. We automatically consider beautiful people to be kinder, smarter, more talented. The use of positive associations in advertising is also related to the principle of benevolence.

The tendency of people to automatically obey authorities is exploited. It is convenient to obey the true authorities, since they have more knowledge, strength, and in a situation of difficult choice, they ease our torment by taking responsibility for the choice. The danger lies in automatically reacting not to the authority itself, but to its symbols. Such symbols are titles, appearance and some personal items (for example, a car of a certain brand).

An example would be the well-known experiment where the same person was introduced to students in different classrooms. In one - as a student, in the other - as a laboratory assistant, in the third - as a lecturer, in the fourth - as a professor. Subjects were asked to rate his height. It turned out that the higher his status, the higher he seemed. The classic of Russian literature of the 19th century wrote with irony that it was enough for the sergeant to send his cap to the village that was outraged by something, and the unrest subsided.

"Deficiency"

Based on a simple addiction - what is less accessible is especially attractive. In addition, the principle of scarcity is stronger if something became scarce more recently and if there is competition. “Whenever something restricts our choice or robs us of choice, the need to preserve our freedoms makes us want them much more than before.” Time can be “scarce”: you are offered to make a decision immediately, otherwise “you will lose everything”!

The facilitator recalls the situation “Sale of a timeshare” and invites participants to name the types of manipulations used: treats with soft drinks (“Mutual exchange”), mentioning the purchase of goods by friends (“Social proof”), offering a discount “only today!” ("deficiency"). Other details can also be mentioned, for example, the beginning of a conversation - from afar, with a theme of relaxation that is pleasant for the interlocutors.

Leading. It is not always easy to recognize the manipulations performed on you. One way to recognize is to analyze your own emotions that arise in the process of communication. If you feel “strangeness” of emotions (the appearance of emotions that do not correspond to the situation) or a sharp emotional outburst, know that this may be a sign of manipulation.

A characteristic feature may also be the repetition of emotions when meeting with the same person. In such cases, it is recommended to analyze his actions in relation to you. Own emotions act as important signals informing us about manipulative actions on the part of another person.

In addition to analyzing emotions, it is necessary to monitor changes in the situation. If you find yourself in a situation that is unfavorable for you, at least for the moment, this can also be a sign of manipulation.

Consider an example. You receive a call on your mobile phone telling you that your number has won a lottery run by a mobile phone company. If you arrive within three days at the office (the address is given), you will receive a new model of phone with a built-in digital camera free of charge and the possibility of free calls for a month. Are we losing anything in this situation? Answer: no, at least not at the moment. What emotions are we experiencing at this moment? Answer: a surge of emotions - joy, surprise, distrust.

Thus, we receive the first signal of a possible manipulation. Besides, doesn't this opening of a conversation remind us of a form of manipulation? Answer: Mutual exchange. The question we can ask ourselves is: are we going to be asked for a favor now?

You are offered to call back from your number to the indicated number within one minute, "so that the computer fixes you." What does this action mean for us and for the caller? Who is losing, who is gaining? Answer: further conversation will be paid by us. It can be assumed that the caller is using the foot-in-the-door technique.

What does this reception mean? It is possible that you still continue to follow the instructions you receive. You must buy express payment cards within one hour and report their numbers by a telephone already known to you. After that, you can come to win. Question: in the current situation, are you gaining or losing? (You are already starting to pay.) I draw your attention to the expression "you must." In such situations, we sometimes notice that we owe something without knowing why - this is also one of the signs of manipulation in relation to us.

Concluding the description of the example, the facilitator recalls the saying that "free cheese is only in a mousetrap."

Exercise "Three portraits".

The students are asked to divide into three small groups. Each group is given the task to draw a person: self-confident, self-confident, insecure, and also to describe the main psychological features and behavioral features of a confident, insecure and self-confident person. The conclusions are fixed on the board (on whatman paper), divided into three parts.

For example:

Confident man	self-confident person	insecure person
Calm	speaks loudly	Speaks softly
Looks at the interlocutor during a conversation		Doesn't make eye contact
Defends his point of view	Commands where he has no right	Can't refuse
Communicative		shy
Not afraid to show that he does not know something		Uncommunicative

2. Exercise with make-up "Acting"

Children really like to use makeup, they enthusiastically paint their faces and then they are happy to wash off the makeup, smearing it.

Instruction. Using makeup, we will now create our unusual face. This will be a mask for some role. For example, shamans, in order to enhance the magical meaning of their action, painted themselves. And in our time, many tribes paint themselves before a battle or before a hunt in order to strengthen their inner state of readiness to act. The Indians decorated themselves with feathers, most of all the leaders had them. You can draw absolutely any face for yourself - an evil pirate or a sad clown, a cheerful Peppy or Cat Basilio. Before you get started, think about what unusual face you want to portray now, try to keep it a secret. Now get to work. Walk around the room, painted around the room, without talking to each other, try to determine who is who. Do not reveal yourself, let them try to recognize you. Then the children present their roles.

Discussion. What was unusual for you in your new role? How did you feel when you portrayed this role? Whose face did you find unusual?

It is important to emphasize how confident and self-confident behavior are similar to each other - a person’s insecurity can stand behind both of them.

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "Manipulation is..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson #9

Theme: Friendship.

Purpose: to give the concept of "friendship", to expand the idea of ​​​​friendship.

Introductory part:

We will divide into four groups, each group will have its own word.

Group 1: Damn!

2nd group: Half a pancake!

3rd group: A quarter of a pancake!

4th group: Pancakes!

The first group begins the chorus with their phrase, repeating it continuously without stopping. As soon as the 1st phrase has sounded once or twice, the 2nd party enters the choir. Then the 3rd and 4th parties join one after another.

Main part:

Friendship is when people want to be together, when they are interested in each other, trust each other. Friendship is possible only if certain "laws" are observed, the most important of which are respect for each other's rights, the ability to admit one's mistakes, commitment, the absence of disputes about tastes, tolerance and fair criticism.

Friendship is more than pleasant company or similar interests. Friendship is a deep, sincere relationship that includes a whole range of emotions. Friendship is characterized by a deep mutual understanding of people. This means the ability to communicate with each other almost without words, using gestures and facial expressions, to perceive and accurately understand each other on the basis of subtle movements and intonation, understandable only to friends and not perceived by others. Longtime friends can predict in advance each other's reactions and behavior in different life situations, up to determining the thoughts that will come to each other's mind at one time or another.

Friendship means the closeness and mutual attraction of people to each other. A real friend better than anyone else will understand our mood, our experiences, share joy and sorrow, show sympathy, console and support in difficult times, provide disinterested help. If necessary, he will even sacrifice his well-being for you, make any kind of sacrifice.

The norms and rules that guide people in friendly relations are equality, willingness to help, the ability to understand, respect, devotion and trust. Violation of any of them leads to the destruction of friendship, while in relationships such as love, people can partly forgive each other for such violations for the sake of feelings that bind them.

True friends support each other not only emotionally, but also in other ways available to them, and such support is always disinterested, comes from the heart.

Friendship is a relationship based on mutual openness, complete trust, common interests, devotion of people to each other, their constant readiness to help each other at any moment. Friendly relations are disinterested, in them a person enjoys what gives pleasure to another. Friendship, unlike love, is basically a relationship between people of the same sex.

Many people know about such a phenomenon as friendship, but they don’t know how to be friends. The innate need for it remains unsatisfied. Often the reason for this is a lack of understanding by a person of its nature. Only by understanding what friendship is, he gets the opportunity to realize himself in it. Otherwise, if friendship does arise, it is only by accident, and is not properly appreciated until it falls apart, and the difference between just an acquaintance and a friend is realized when it is too late.

Although in friendship someone always gives more than receives, friendship is still based on reciprocity, friends should support each other. A friend will always lend a helping hand, get out of trouble. Even if we have never had to use his help, we can rely on him: he will not let you down, will not leave you alone in difficult times.

To be friends is to voluntarily share with another what is important to you, whether it be your time or secrets, property or feelings. Sharing does not always mean giving; rather, it is the willingness to allow the other to share in what is dear to you. Strong friendship implies common ideals, positions in life and even common ideas about beauty.

Trust makes friendship stronger, strengthens it. A test of the strength and strength of friendship is, in fact, a test of the level of trust. Can I entrust him with my property, my life, can I entrust an important secret or only an insignificant secret? If we can trust someone with only fifty thousand dollars, then such a person can be a good business partner, but not a friend. If I really trust him, then I trust without limits. I know that a friend will not leave me in trouble and will help in any situation, even if he does not agree with my opinion or considers my actions stupid.

If friendly feelings have certain boundaries, this indicates that we are talking about fake friendship. Each of us has comrades and friends for joint entertainment, as a “vest” in which you can cry, but a true friend is a friend for all occasions. In true friendship, when you feel the other as yourself, you can talk about everything without hesitation.

True friendship is not affected by time and distance. People can talk to each other only occasionally, be apart for years, and still be very close friends. Such constancy is a hallmark of friendship.

Although friends can love each other very much, attach great importance to their relationship, their friendship, unlike love, is not blind. We can see the physical or personality flaws of our friend, he can be unbearable, boring or something worse. However, a friend is a friend, loyal and reliable, despite all his shortcomings. Moreover: even an inveterate liar will never lie to a friend, and a lazy person will do the impossible for a friend. Choosing a friend, we are not looking for a goddess or a knight on a white horse, but for a person we can rely on, with whom we will be connected by a close relationship and made one.

But all this does not mean that there are no disagreements between friends, on the contrary, they can quarrel, while remaining friends. Although not every friendship can bear it. Usually friends know the boundaries of what is permitted and if any problems arise, they can solve them by discussing them. But if people can no longer talk to each other on any topic, then they cease to be friends.

Women's friendship also exists, although many people doubt it, most believe that there is no friendship between girls, that it ends sooner or later, but it exists for mutual benefit. No, we believe that it exists, it’s just that there is such a difficult and terrible period in the relationship - the grinding of characters, it can be very long, but the more difficult this time passes, the stronger the friendship in the future. Because during this time you experience so many unpleasant things for you, actions, such a test, and if you pass it, then the relationship that you deserve will begin, maybe it will be a real strong friendship, then you will understand whether you are able to create a real relationship with a person. The main thing is to endure this time and be able to understand a person, it is very difficult to keep a friendship that is being established. A strong friendship is not built in any other way, you need to be tolerant and, in spite of everything, not lose confidence.

As soon as we realize the importance of friendships, the word "friend" takes on a different meaning, meaning and depth. If life is a lottery, then a true friend is a huge prize.

Exercise "Associations"

What associations do we have when we hear the word "friendship"? These associations are written on the board: friend, will not leave, will not let you down, we are talking. In general, "friendship" tends to evoke positive feelings in everyone.

Exercise "Friendly hand"

All participants sit with their backs in a circle, close their eyes. You need to come up and put your hands on the shoulders of whoever you want, who you like best. There are no restrictions on the number. The facilitator approaches the participants and raises the one who will put their hands up so that the other participants do not know who is approaching them. Task: never open your eyes. Patience is important - no matter how long they approach, endure and not open your eyes.

Discussion. Was it hard not to open your eyes? Did you peek? Was he patient?

Exercise "Looking for a friend"

We can imagine that we have moved to another city in which there is not a single acquaintance. In this city there is a "Wall of announcements" on which everyone can leave any information. It is necessary to compose the text and come up with the design of the ad, beginning with the words "I'm looking for a friend." It is desirable that the participants work independently, do not see each other's ads.

The guys compose the text and draw up their announcements. Ready-made announcements are hung on the walls so that everyone can see them.

Each of the participants receives the right to "the right of three votes", he can put crosses on three ads with a colored pencil, to which he would respond. The leader himself also has the right to vote if he took part in the first part of the exercise. This will also ensure that the ads of participants who have difficulty with self-acceptance are not the most popular. In order for everyone to put only three crosses, the color of the “working pencil” is different for everyone.

Further, the authors of the ads can remove them from the wall and draw a conclusion about the popularity of their ad. In the course of the discussion, it is revealed that the more demands we make on friends, the fewer friends we have. In friendship, demands are made on oneself. As an illustration, we can cite the English proverb "If you want to have friends, you need to learn to be your own friend"

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "For me, friendship is ..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson #10

Subject: Adults and teenagers.

Purpose: to give an idea of ​​the relationship between adolescents and adults.

Introductory part:

Exercise "Fly on the nose"

Sit comfortably: put your hands freely on your knees, shoulders and head lowered, eyes closed. Imagine that a fly is trying to land on your face. She sits on the nose, then on the mouth, then on the forehead, then on the eyes. Your task: without opening your eyes, drive away the annoying insect.

Main part:

Parents know that a teenager can have a sharp, not always explainable change of mood. For example, you noticed that your son came home from school gloomy, taciturn. Doesn't sit down to dine "no appetite". The time is right - do not take lessons. If you start with reproaches, raise your tone, you may hear rudeness in response. And besides, you won’t know what happened, what upsets your son. Everything will be different if, after waiting a while, you have a friendly conversation with him and manage to call on straight Talk. He himself will tell about his sorrows. I will feel relief from the fact that he shared his troubles with you, found sympathy. And if at the same time you give advice on how best to proceed in this difficult case, you will achieve a double goal: not only help your son, but also gain his trust.

Many parents believe that conflicts in raising a teenager are inevitable. At this age, children really have a number of psychological characteristics that pose new educational tasks for parents. But these features do not necessarily entail negative forms of children's behavior and the conflict nature of their relations with adults. It all depends on the specific conditions of life and upbringing. At the same time, it must be remembered that it is much easier to prevent the appearance of difficulties than to overcome them later.

Among the negative forms of behavior of adolescents, rudeness, stubbornness, negativism, and opposing oneself to adults are most often noted. As a rule, this is due to the desire for independence, which is not supported by educators. Teenagers want to be considered with their opinions, desires, moods. They do not tolerate distrust, dismissive tone, ridicule, lectures, especially in the presence of friends.

Teenagers rebel against excessive guardianship and tenderness, they are outraged by frequent reminders: “do not forget the scarf”, “take breakfast with you”, “cross the street carefully”. In response to the increased, albeit sincere, concern of parents, one can often hear a sharp “leave me alone”, “tired”, “don't teach”, “I know it myself”. For a teenager, such rudeness is a kind of struggle for their independence, for asserting their adulthood both in their own eyes and in the eyes of others.

The shortcomings and shortcomings of the previous upbringing in adolescence are exposed with particular relief. If a child of primary school age has not developed, for example, a responsible attitude to classes, cognitive interests have not been developed, if he is not used to systematic work, then in adolescence, difficulties with learning inevitably arise.

Of particular importance during this period is the unity of requirements for the child in the family. When this unity is not present, the teenager develops a selectively selfish attitude towards family members. The habit of lying and dodging can become his second nature.

Since adolescence is a period of intensive formation of self-esteem, it is very important that the family properly relates to the success and capabilities of the child. If praise leads to self-confidence and arrogance, then underestimating the capabilities and abilities of a teenager can lead to the development of passivity, isolation, and self-doubt. In both cases, the teenager has conflicts with adults, as well as with peers. In both cases, parents face the question of re-educating a teenager.

To overcome difficulties in raising a child, first of all, a reasonable organization of family life is needed. The family should have an atmosphere of respect for each other, for work, for the rights and duties of everyone, including a teenager. Sometimes we demand from him to perform some work, our instructions, regardless of the fact that he may have his own plans for this day, obligations towards his comrades. Your daughter, for example, was instructed to organize a trip of classmates to the cinema, and for a number of reasons you do not let her go. Quarrels, tears, resentment, and the girl still leaves. Should she be punished for this? Of course not. We must soberly weigh all the circumstances and admit that you yourself are to blame.

It should be carefully, with understanding to treat the inner world of a teenager, his experiences, hobbies. Know how to listen to a teenager, agree with him if he is right, convince him if he is wrong. Requirements for a teenager must be reasonably justified. The choice of educational influences, means of encouragement and punishment should be determined by the wonderful formula proposed by A. S. Makarenko: "As many requirements for a person as possible, but also as much respect for him as possible." Applied to adolescence I especially want to emphasize the second part of this formula, since parents often forget about it.

Respect for the personality of a teenager makes you really need your child. Unfortunately, some parents understand it only this way: to provide financially, to educate, to protect from trouble. But to be needed means to share with him his anxieties and doubts, his joys and sorrows; it means to always be “attuned to his wave”, sensitively capturing the slightest, but such important fluctuations in his emotions. Make it so that he looks for an answer to his questions, trusts you with something that he cannot figure out and that is too intimate to take it out “in front of people”, to discuss even with friends. And this can only be achieved if your worries, anxieties and worries are also open to the child.

Frankness, trust must be mutual, only then there will be no wall of omissions, secrets, misunderstandings between you and the teenager.

The task of an adult is to be close to a teenager. And this means coming to his aid in time, prompting, advising, and if the need arises to intervene more actively in his life. An adult nearby means that a teenager has a reliable and experienced friend who skillfully and tactfully will lead him through the difficulties of adolescence and youth. This means that a teenager will always feel the freedom and independence, respect and trust that he needs at this time. This means that his needs, desires and interests will meet with understanding and support.

Knowledge of the main trends in adolescent development, individual features his child will help parents find the means and methods of specific influence, choose the right forms of interaction with him. It should be remembered that every teenager is a personality that develops under the influence of many factors.

The main educational task of parents is to help a teenager overcome the difficulties of the transition period. And here an adult can do a lot purposefully, taking into account the main psychological characteristics of this age. It is important to create such relationships in the family that would put the teenager in real life conditions according to the norms and requirements for adults.

Helping a teenager to grow up means taking care of the harmonious development of his personality: to form his cognitive interests, develop abilities, educate moral qualities, develop physically. Psychological research shows that the educational activity of a teenager in many ways becomes an activity of self-education and self-improvement. To help a teenager master the skills of independent work with a book, textbook, reference book, to awaken in him the desire to acquire knowledge is a feasible task for every parent.

Helping a teenager grow up means teaching him to analyze the actions and attitudes of people, to understand the motives of behavior, the causes and consequences of the actions of not only the people around him, but also his own. A teenager is often inclined not to notice shortcomings in his behavior. It is necessary to teach him to be critical of himself, his actions and relationships.

Work side by side and on an equal footing with adults gives a teenager a sense of satisfaction and pride, maintains and strengthens self-esteem, awakens self-respect. These positive emotions are extremely important for establishing and consolidating contacts between an adult and a teenager.

However, one should not think that an adult can replace a teenager's friends and peers. It must be remembered that a teenager needs comrades. The influence of a friend, a peer on the formation of a teenager's personality is very great, moreover, it is inevitable, and one should not be afraid of it. An adult should know the teenager's social circle, understand its specifics, and only under this condition can one take the position of a leading, “look-ahead” adult friend.

Exercise "Image of an adult"

Imagine in your mind the image: "I am an adult." Draw what you have imagined.

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "In today's lesson, I ... .."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson 11

Topic: Conflicts and how to deal with them.

Purpose: To give the concept of conflict, to analyze the main stages of the course of the conflict

Introductory part:

Association exercise. What associations do you have with the word "conflict"?

Main part:

The word conflict comes from the Latin verb, which, translated into Russian, means to resist, to oppose. Conflict is most often associated with aggression, threats, disputes, hostility. As a result, there is an opinion that conflict is always undesirable, that it should be avoided as far as possible, and that it should be resolved immediately as soon as it arises.

There are several stages of conflict:

latent - the stage of formation of discontent on any issue, the accumulation of negative moments in relation to a certain person or group of people;

acute - an "explosion" of negative emotions, an active showdown, a negative perception of a person or group, as well as the results of their work. Usually, at this stage, they resort to the intervention of higher authorities as arbitrators in this situation;

fading - the stage of conflict resolution, reducing the "heat" of the situation, searching for options for resolving the conflict or artificial resolution conflict, the formation of a chronic conflict is possible.

In the conflict, several periods can be distinguished, including stages.

The first period, latent, includes the following stages:

awareness of an objective problematic situation, when reality is perceived as a problem, there is a need;

the emergence of an objective problem situation. The conflict is born by defining an objective problem situation. The essence of such a situation lies in the fact that contradictions arise between subjects, since there are still no conflict actions and contradictions, and that is why such a situation is usually called problematic;

understanding that a conflict situation may not always arise due to the opposition of the parties;

pre-conflict situation. A conflict situation, as a rule, is perceived as peace and security on one side of the conflict and insecurity on the other.

Second period, open:

an incident when the clash of the parties is just beginning to gain momentum and at the same time there is an attempt to prove one's case by force;

escalation - in this situation, there is an increase in the intensity of the confrontation between the parties. Escalation can be characterized by some signs: the growth of emotional tension, the transition from arguments to claims and personal attacks, the expansion of the boundaries of the conflict, etc.;

balanced contradiction, when the parties to the contradiction continue to conflict, however, the intensity of the struggle decreases and the parties realize the meaninglessness of the conflict;

end of the conflict. It consists in the fact that the conflicting parties are looking for a solution to the conflict and stop conflicting for any reason.

Third period, post-conflict:

in this period, relations are partially normalized, but negative emotions have not yet disappeared;

there comes a complete normalization of relations, the parties realize the importance of mutual cooperation.

Exercise "Once in the constellation Cygnus"

The group is divided into two subgroups. Subgroups are placed at different ends of a large auditorium or in two different auditoriums so that the participants cannot hear each other.

Instruction. In the constellation Cygnus, there are two different civilizations competing with each other in search of new resources. These are the civilizations of the Hussites and Utkins. There is an agreement between them: in the case of the discovery of a new planet, on which there are no intelligent inhabitants, all its wealth goes to that civilization, whose starship will be the first to land on this planet. Once it happened that the reconnaissance ships of both civilizations, independently of each other, discovered a new uninhabited planet and at the same time landed on it, and in close proximity, almost at a line-of-sight distance.

The bowels of the planet turned out to be saturated with a variety of minerals and strategically important types of raw materials, which are of great interest to every civilization. Detecting each other's presence, both the Hussites and the Ducks took refuge in their spaceships, bringing neutron cannons and hand blasters to combat readiness. This planet is essential for both civilizations. Apparently, armed clashes cannot be avoided. The question is who will start first, that is, who will be responsible for unleashing a military conflict. The agonizing wait began.

However, there is still the possibility of a peaceful agreement. But there is no communication between the ships, and in order to make their proposals, it is necessary to leave the ship and go outside. It's a risk! Rivals may not take the same step, but simply destroy competitors.

Further, the teams, having decided which of them will be Hussites and which will be ducks, distribute the duties that they will perform on the starship. The teams distribute the roles of captain, first, second pilot, navigator, programmer, scout, cook, etc. (the number of "positions" is determined depending on the number of participants; the "positions" of the participants during the game have no meaning, with the exception of the captain of the ship, and are only needed to be included in the game situation).

Host: “In this game, you will have to decide what to do after making ten moves. In each turn, you must make a choice: either go outside or open fire. How the ratio of your choices is reflected in points is presented in the card. Depending on the choice of teams, different situations develop, the assessment of which in points is given in the cards distributed. Within five minutes for each move, the teams must make a decision. If a decision is not made during this time, the team will be penalized by three points. You can vote as much as you like, but if at the final vote there are people who raised their hands “against”, then for each of them the team loses one point. The decision of the commands I will inform you after each move. The team with the most points after 10 moves wins.

The host gives each of the teams two cards: one is a reference card that helps the participants calculate the points received, and the second is needed to record the results of each move. Points are calculated as follows: if both teams start hostilities, they lose three points each; if some team decides to leave the ship for negotiations, and rivals wipe them off the face of the planet with aimed fire, then the dead lose five points, and well-aimed shooters at truce gain five points; if representatives of both civilizations decide to try their luck on the path of negotiations, then both receive three points. The host has the right to double points for individual moves, which is advisable to do before the fourth and eighth moves. The participants in the game often have a question about which team wins if there is an accumulation of negative points. In this case, the presenter should explain that hitting the “minus” cannot mean winning. Negative scores mean not only the loss of personnel, but also damage to the starship.

During the discussions, the leader approaches the teams, carefully observes the decision-making process and clarifies whether everyone agrees with the choice made, announces the decisions of both teams after each move. If the decisions of the teams force a conflict, the leader can, when announcing the decisions, draw gloomy landscapes of an unknown planet: a crater dotted with the remains of Hussites and Utkins; two spaceships, wrecked and smoking; the last survivors are unable to leave the planet, and so on.

The discussion of the game takes place in a general circle. The facilitator needs to give everyone the opportunity to express their feelings, without resorting to mutual accusations, to move on to a constructive analysis. If there is at least one person who has realized the unprofitability of deceit, distrust of partners and who has seen the path of constructive interaction based on goodwill and trust, then the leader must necessarily give him the opportunity to speak. The discussion ends with a discussion about the stages of the conflict on the example of the game and about the actions that are necessary to find a way out of the conflict situation (adequate perception of the situation without emotional evaluation, readiness for communication and compromise, trust in a partner).

Exercise "Conflicts"

Purpose of the exercise: to help group members learn to express their feelings through the “I-statement”.

The group is divided into pairs, one member of the pair accuses the other of something, creating a situation of conflict. The second participant reacts in three different ways:

makes excuses and apologizes (from the position of the “victim”);

uses "You-statements" for reciprocal accusations;

uses "I-statements" according to the scheme.

Then the participants switch roles and come up with a new situation and solutions.

In the discussion, the participants analyze the criteria for the conformity of the behavior of the declared position, the correctness of using the “I-statement” technique.

Final part:

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson 12

Topic: Tolerance.

Purpose: to give the concept of tolerance, to update the problem of tolerant attitude towards each other.

Introductory part:

Exercise "Lemon"

Sit comfortably: put your hands loosely on your knees (palms up), shoulders and head down, eyes closed. Mentally imagine what you have in right hand lies a lemon. Start squeezing it slowly until you feel that you have “squeezed out” all the juice. Relax. Remember your feelings. Now imagine that the lemon is in the left hand. Repeat the exercise. Relax again and remember your feelings. Then do the exercise with both hands at the same time. Relax. Enjoy the state of peace.

Main part:

Tolerance means tolerance for a different way of life, behavior, customs, feelings, opinions, ideas, beliefs. Thus, it is associated with freedom of dissent in the broad sense of the word, and not in the one that has become established in the political sphere, close to the concepts of mercy and indulgence.

The importance of this phenomenon in modern life is so strong that in 1995 UNESCO adopted the Declaration of Principles of Tolerance, which includes respect, acceptance and a correct understanding of the rich diversity of cultures of our world, our forms of self-expression and ways of manifesting human individuality, harmony in diversity, focus on achieving peace and promoting the replacement of the culture of war with a culture of peace.

Tolerance expresses the ability to establish and maintain commonality with people who differ from us in any respect. Of course, it must be borne in mind that there are limits to tolerance, i.e. the presence of certain moral limits that allow not to mix tolerant relations with permissiveness and indifference to the values ​​that feed convictions. Otherwise, one would have to agree with the definition of G.K. Chesterton: "Tolerance is a virtue of people who do not believe in anything."

According to the spheres of manifestation, political, scientific, pedagogical and administrative tolerance is distinguished. In relation to personality, psychologists distinguish several types of tolerance.

1. 1. Natural (natural) tolerance

It implies the curiosity and trustfulness inherent and inherent in a small child. They are not determined and do not determine the qualities of his "I", since the process of becoming a personality, i.e. its personalization has not yet led to the splitting of individual and social experience, to the existence of separate plans of behavior and experience, and so on.

The presence of natural tolerance allows the baby to accept parents in any form, up to extremely cruel treatment of him. In the latter case, on the one hand, it creates psychological security and allows you to maintain positive relationships with the family, but on the other hand, it inevitably neuroticizes the emerging personality, reducing the ability to accept yourself, your experience, feelings and experiences.

1. 1. moral tolerance

This type means tolerance associated with personality (external "I" of a person). In one way or another, it is inherent in most adults and manifests itself in the desire to restrain their emotions using the mechanisms of psychological defenses.

There is a certain convention here, because a person does not show the intolerance that he has, but remains inside. The situational model of the essence of such an attitude is options like “circumstances are such that I have to endure you, but ...”.

Such a scheme, unfortunately, is the basis of modern realities of mass culture and family education. And the conflict of generations also comes from the quasi-tolerance shown by its participants in relation to each other's value orientations.

1. 1. moral tolerance

Oddly enough, this time we have a paradoxical case in the terminological field, when the synonymous meaning of the words "moral" and "moral" is divorced. But what can you do... Unlike moral tolerance, in the language of specialists, moral tolerance implies acceptance and trust, which are associated with the essence or "inner self" of a person.

It includes both respect for values ​​and meanings that are significant for another, and awareness and acceptance of one's own inner world, one's own values ​​and meanings, goals and desires, experiences and feelings. This gives the individual the advantage not to be afraid and to endure tensions and conflicts that no one in life succeeds in avoiding.

Actually, this is true, mature tolerance. To assess its level, experts have developed appropriate psychological portraits using several criteria. They can also serve as a hint for those who want to make sure of their own tolerance.

1. 1. So, what is characteristic of a tolerant (T) and intolerant (I) person?

1. Knowing yourself

T: Adequately assesses himself and others. Able to treat himself critically, tries to understand his problems, his own strengths and weaknesses.

And: He notices mostly advantages in himself, and shortcomings in others, about which he takes an accusatory position.

2. Security

T: I am confident in myself, I have no doubt that I will cope with any task that has arisen.

Q: Fearful of his social environment and himself: he sees a threat in everything.

3. Responsibility

T: He does not shift responsibility to others, he is responsible for his own actions.

And: He believes that the events that take place do not depend on him, therefore, he relieves himself of responsibility for what is happening around him. Unreasonably suspects that he is harmed.

4. The need for definition

T: Strives for work, creativity, self-realization.

I: I tend to push myself into the background (“let someone else, but not me…”).

5. Sense of humor

T: Lively reacts to jokes, is able to laugh at himself.

I: Apathetic or gloomy perceives humor. Irritably reacts even to harmless jokes addressed to him.

T: Prefers democratic principles.

I: Prefers tough power.

As you can see, tolerance is not just a single quality, but the resulting factor of interrelated personality traits. Therefore, the task I have taken on “I will become tolerant!” can only lead to increased moral tolerance.

It is possible to grow to morality only by starting with self-knowledge and moving towards inner harmony. And it, this harmony, will grow and, in the wise expression of Gibran Kalil Gibran, “open like a lotus with countless petals”...

Exercise "Creating Monsters"

This cooperative game will require shared creativity. Perhaps there will be leaders ready to take responsibility. A group of children should portray a monster - a dinosaur, a ghost, or whatever comes to mind. The basic rule is that everyone must agree on what the group will do and how. Each child must take part in the implementation of the idea, that is, become part of the monster - paw, tooth, tail.

Exercise "Oranges"

We often rightly think that teaching children to understand differences is a long and difficult task. However, it turns out that sometimes it's easier than peeling an orange. Gather a group of children and place a basket of oranges in front of them. Let everyone choose one for themselves. Invite the children to get to know their orange. Let the children examine their fetus, smell it, roll it on the floor, toss it in the air. After a few minutes, collect the oranges back into the basket. Have the children try to find their orange in the basket. Oddly enough, most children immediately recognize their orange.

Ask the children to tell how they distinguished their own orange from someone else's. The answers will be different. Who will say that it was the largest, someone - that it is the most round, someone will describe the tubercles and cracks. This can serve as a good start for a discussion about how people differ from each other - height, hair color, age, and other “bumps and cracks”.

After the discussion is over, collect all the oranges, but first have the children peel them. Have the children find their orange again. The reaction of children will be predictable - now all oranges are the same. This will allow you to move on to the next discussion about how humans are also like oranges - they are all different on the outside but very similar on the inside.

Do not use this exercise often as it causes strong feelings and excitement.

Exercise "Trains"

The purpose of the exercise: physical and emotional unloading, as well as providing an opportunity for group members to feel the most emotionally comfortable position for themselves.

The exercise is performed in triplets. Each three represents a train. "Locomotive" - ​​goes first with arms outstretched forward, "car" - transfers control, "driver" - controls the entire train. At the same time, the "carriage" and the "locomotive" are blindfolded. When discussing, the emphasis is on how calm it was in the role of a steam locomotive, which goes first, but does not know in which direction (he is blindfolded, like a carriage), how much you can trust the driver and the “car”. How was it - to be in the role of a locomotive, wagon, driver?

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "I'm in today's lesson ..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson 13

Purpose: To give the concept of emotions. What are emotions and their types?

Introductory part:

Exercise "Pass the mask"

This exercise invigorates children, makes them more attentive, helps to tune in to work in a group. Everyone can get rid of those unproductive moods with which he came, and thereby free his head for work. Children are very fond of this game, which allows them to behave spontaneously and show a sense of humor. The exercise can be carried out as a warm-up or completion in other blocks of the program.

Instruction. Please look at me to see what I'm doing. I am trying to give my face a special expression, like this (fix your face on some expression, slowly turn your head so that all the children have a chance to see your expression). And then I turn to my neighbor on the left so that he can better see the expression on my face. He must exactly repeat this expression on his face. As soon as he succeeds, he must slowly turn his head to the left, while changing his facial expression to a new one, which he passes on to his neighbor on the left. And so everything takes turns.

Main part:

Emotions are called human experiences associated with his needs, interests, with the process of their satisfaction, painted in pleasant or unpleasant tones. Emotions are psychological states of a person, arising from him depending on how he physically and psychologically feels at the moment, and also depending on how the process of satisfaction is going on, how fully his needs and interests are satisfied. Since a person is under the influence of some currently important needs and interests, at every moment of time he is in one or another emotional state. Emotions include, for example, experiences of hunger, thirst, pleasure, displeasure, fear, anger, sadness, joy, as well as numerous and varied feelings that a person can experience on various occasions and in various life situations. Emotional states are quite dynamic, they change, from time to time, pass one into another, sometimes into their direct opposite. For example, joy can be replaced by sadness, fear by anger, pleasure by displeasure.

Exercise "Name the Feelings"

The goal is to enrich the participants' vocabulary of emotions. Depending on the level of readiness of children, this exercise can be carried out as a competition in pairs or between two teams, or as a general group " brainstorm».

Instruction. Let's see who can name more words for various feelings. Take turns calling the words and write them down on a piece of paper.

Information for the presenter . The result of the group's work - a piece of drawing paper with large words written on it - can be used throughout the group's work as a "hint", a reminder. In the course of work, new words can be added to this list - this is a dictionary that reflects the emotional experience of the group, and it can differ significantly from group to group. Make sure that the main emotions are reflected there - anger, sadness, joy, fear, resentment.

If you feel like one of the children is unsure of what certain words mean, ask someone to describe situations in which the person might experience this feeling.

You can also end this exercise by asking the group a few questions: How did each of you feel the last time you wrote a test? What did you feel when the holidays approached? How did you feel the last time you broke something?

Discussion. What do you think is the worst feeling? What feeling do you like more than others? Which of these feelings do you know best (worst) of all?

Exercise "Quick transformations"

Instruction. Start walking around the room. Now you and I will turn into different people experiencing different feelings. Imagine that you are now an actor standing on stage after a successful performance. The hall applauds you, shouts of "Bravo!" are heard. Become this actor. What do you feel now? Now, imagine that you accidentally broke beautiful vase visiting a friend. What do you feel now? etc.

Exercise "Wolves and Sheep"

This exercise allows you to intensify the emotional state of the participants.

Materials. A cassette with a recording of energetic, active music.

Instruction. The wolf goes out the door. Active music is on. Sheep graze in the meadow, run in a circle. At an unexpected moment, the Wolf bursts in and grabs the Sheep. The sheep turns into a wolf. Now there are already two Wolves bursting into the circle, etc.

Discussion. What happened to you during the game? What did you feel? What other feelings are there? What gives us feelings? Are there absolutely useless or harmful feelings? What do emotions mean to you? Do you need them and why? What is good about them for you, how are they useful to you? How do they harm or hinder you?

Facilitator's notes: This exercise evokes strong emotions - joy, fear, excitement - and can serve as a good start to a joint discussion and exploration of how emotions color our lives, make us indifferent to what is happening.

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "I'm in today's lesson ..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson 14

Topic: General idea of ​​emotions. Emotions as a way of expressing attitudes towards what is happening. Communication between the emotional sphere and the body.

Purpose: to expand the understanding of emotional sphere person.

Introductory part:

Exercise "What does my mood look like"

This exercise, in its various variations, can become a traditional warm-up ritual at the beginning of this section. It allows participants to realize their emotional state "here and now" and express it in a figurative, symbolic form.

Instruction. Listen to yourself. What color is your mood right now? The exercise is performed in a circle, with a ball. Options: “What kind of weather, (music, flower, animal, etc.) does your mood look like?

Main part:

Scientists have long proven the influence of emotions on human health. The same emotions different people can occur in completely different situations. But a particular emotion (for example, fear) affects the body of any person in the same way, regardless of the situation in which a person experiences this emotion.

The fact that positive emotions have a good effect on health is not only our "intuitive guess", it is a scientifically proven fact! Positive emotions really fuel our bodies and promote good health. At the same time, people who suffer from depression and constantly experience anxiety are more prone to various diseases. Why can we run much faster when we are scared? Why does the heart begin to beat faster and faster when we are waiting for the results of an exam or speaking in front of a large audience?

Because emotions prepare us for certain actions. The corresponding emotion prepares our body for the corresponding behavior: if you are frightened, then the body mobilizes to run away; if you feel anger, then the body prepares to attack. Appropriate processes take place in the body to prepare us for action in a particular situation. So, during the danger, blood clotting increases and its outflow from the surface of the body occurs - this will reduce blood loss in case of injury.

As studies show, during joy, catecholamines are released - hormones that prevent inflammatory processes. At the same time, endorphins are released, which can reduce pain.

Emotions have the greatest impact on the cardiovascular system. Strong anger and prolonged irritation contribute to disruption of the heart and the development of a disease such as hypertension.

Blood circulation largely depends on emotions: pulse, pressure, tone of blood vessels change. Positive emotions cause blood flow to the skin, and also improve blood composition.

Emotions change the rhythm of breathing: a person can suffocate from strong pressure. People who are constantly under stress are more likely to suffer from infectious diseases of the upper respiratory tract. And in people experiencing positive emotions, breathing becomes easier.

Scientists have proven that pessimistic people with low self-esteem, often experiencing anxiety and fear, suffer more than others from headaches, diseases of the stomach and spine. Conversely, optimists are less likely to colds. In addition, people who often experience positive emotions fall asleep easier and sleep better, and this has a very serious effect on well-being.

All these facts confirm the significant influence of emotions on human health. Positive and negative emotions affect your health accordingly.

Exercise "Cards"

This exercise allows you to develop a dictionary of emotions, strengthens the correlation of the name of an emotion with its mimic expression, awareness of the individual and the general in the expression of emotions.

Materials. 2 sets of cards with faces depicting various emotions and the same number of cards with the name of emotions (based on the list of emotions developed by the group).

Instruction. Break into two teams. Now I will give you a set of cards on which different faces are drawn. You will need to pick up a card for each face in one minute, indicating the emotion that it expresses.

Options. If the group members are fluent enough in the language of emotions, then you can ask them themselves, without relying on cards, to choose names for each card.

2. Exercise "Phantom"

Allows you to realize the connection of emotions with bodily experience, expands awareness in relation to your own experience and expression of emotions.

Materials. Sketch sheet human body- "phantom" - for each participant and a sufficient number of blue, red, yellow, black pencils.

Instruction. Imagine that you are now very angry with someone or something. Try to feel your anger with your whole body. Maybe it will be easier for you to imagine if you remember some recent time when you got very angry with someone. Feel where your anger is in your body. How do you feel about it. Maybe she's like a fire in her stomach? Or do your fists itch? Shade these areas with a red pencil in your drawing. Now imagine that you are suddenly afraid of something. What can scare you? Represented? Where is your fear? What does he look like? Shade this place in your drawing with a black pencil. Similarly, invite the children to mark with a blue pencil where they experience sadness and in yellow - joy. Where in the body do you feel your anger (fear, sadness, joy)? What was the easiest feeling for you to imagine and feel in your body? And which one is more difficult? Did any of the group members have similar sensations?

Exercise "Sound-feeling"

Instruction. Now I will name different feelings, and we will show how often we experience these feelings. In order to show this, we will hum. If we rarely experience a feeling, we will buzz softly; if more often - then louder, if very often - then loudly.

Discussion. What do you think, what feelings do you and I experience most often?

Information for the presenter . Pay attention to the guys how they buzzed when different feelings were called - the same way, or some feelings wanted to buzz with their own intonation. This can serve as a transition to a conversation about the intonational features of expressing various feelings. It can be discussed whether the buzz sounded louder during those feelings that are actually more often experienced by the guys, or when "pleasant" feelings were called. Talk about how “pleasant” feelings in yourself and others are easier to accept than “unpleasant” ones.

3. Exercise "Lines"

The exercise allows you to practice expressing your emotions in a symbolic, figurative form.

Information for the facilitator. Along with the importance of teaching children the language of emotions - words denoting various emotional states - it is important to provide an opportunity to develop another "language" - the language of images, symbols, which in these classes will be an alternative to talking about feelings, another way of expressing feelings and experiences.

Materials. Pencil and piece of paper for each child.

Instruction. Now we will try to convey different feelings without drawing anything specific - just simple lines. Draw happy lines..., sad lines..., evil lines..., tired lines..., anxious lines."

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "I'm in today's lesson ..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson 15

Topic: Invaluable acceptance of one's own and others' feelings and emotions. Recognizing one's own emotional state and the state of others. Ways of expressing emotions.

Purpose: to actualize one's own emotional state, to teach to recognize the types of emotions.

Introductory part:

Exercise "Draw in a minute"

In one minute, draw your mood without drawing anything specific - use only lines, shapes, different colors ... Now pass your drawing to the neighbor on the right ... Look carefully at the drawing that turned out to be in your hands. Try to guess what mood is depicted on it.

Main part:

1. Exercise "Shurum-Burum"

The driver is invited to think of a feeling, and then only with the help of intonation, turning away from the circle and, pronouncing only the words “Shurum-Burum”, show the feeling he conceived.

2 .Exercise "Guess the feeling"

Instruction. Break up into groups of three, please.

I will give each group a card with a picture of a feeling. Your task is to determine what kind of feeling is depicted on this card, and then draw it the way you want, it can be a drawing of a situation or just lines and shapes. Then come up with a scene dedicated to this feeling. Also think about what associations this feeling evokes in you - what color, animal, flower does it look like. After a few minutes, when you have finished your discussion, you will need to present your work - the drawing, the skit and the associations - to the whole group so that the others can guess what the feeling is.

3 . Exercise "Sculpture of feeling"

Participants are divided into pairs - a sculptor and "clay". The sculptor sculpts from clay a sculpture of a conceived feeling. The rest of the participants guess what kind of feeling is depicted.

Exercise "Send feelings"

Instruction. Now, together with this ball, we will convey some feeling to any of those sitting in a circle, depicting it with the help of hands, posture, tempo, facial expressions. The one who gets the "feeling" will try to guess and tell us what kind of feeling he got.

Discussion. Was it easy for you to express the feeling you wanted to convey? Did you understand the feeling you wanted to express? How did you receive the feeling you conveyed? What did you feel about it? Was it easy for you to accept the feeling that was conveyed to you? What feelings were heard most often in our group? What feelings were (almost) not expressed in our group?

Information for the presenter . Then make sure that the weight of the children at least once received the ball-feeling. This exercise can serve as a good illustration of what is acceptable to express in this group. These can be mostly aggressive feelings or, conversely, “pleasant”. A continuation of the exercise can be a conversation about how others perceive the manifestation of our feelings - they understand, but do not accept; accept but do not understand.

Final part:

Exercise "Flower of feelings"

With this exercise, you can finish the lesson on this topic.

Instruction. There were many things in our classes and we had many different feelings. Think about how you felt in class today.

Children are offered multi-colored "petals" - what color they want. On these petals, please write the feelings that you experienced today.

Then everyone names their feelings and places a petal in the center of the circle. Thus, a flower of feelings of the whole group is obtained.

Lesson 16

Topic: Invaluable acceptance of one's own and others' feelings and emotions. Recognizing one's own emotional state and the state of others. Ways of Expressing Emotions

Purpose: to work out individual emotions, to teach them to express them in an acceptable way.

Introductory part:

Exercise "Paper balls (Snowballs)"

This game teaches you to channel your aggressive feelings through the game, it makes it possible to relieve emotional tension in the group or get emotionally involved in the work of tired or lethargic children.

Materials. Old newspapers or something similar; adhesive tape, which can be used to mark the line separating the two teams.

Instruction. Take each a large sheet of newspaper, crumple it properly and make a good, fairly dense ball out of it. Now divide into two teams, please, and have each line up so that the distance between the teams is approximately four meters. On my command, you will start throwing balls at the opponent's side. The players of each team strive to throw the balls on their side into the opponent's side as quickly as possible. When you hear the command "stop!", you will need to stop throwing balls. The team with the fewest balls on their side wins. And please don’t run across the dividing line” (2-3 min.).

Main part:

Ways of expressing emotions.

The emphasis is on working through individual emotions and finding ways to express them appropriately. Also, attention is paid to the differentiation of emotional manifestations - for example, anger can be a slight discontent or strong anger.

1. Exercise "Danish boxing"

This game gives children the experience of constructive aggressiveness, the ability to maintain contact with a partner during an argument. For many people, this is given with great difficulty, as they are used to the fact that good relations are associated with friendly behavior, aggressiveness with great distance. This exercise can also serve as a detente during a dispute between group members.

Instruction. Who can tell me about one of their good arguments? How did everything happen? Why do you think this argument is good? What were you arguing about? I want to show you how you can have a good argument with your thumb. A good dispute is as long as we follow the rules for conducting a dispute and rejoice that our partner also follows the rules. However, we don't want to offend anyone.

Break into pairs and stand at arm's length from each other. Then make a fist and press it against your partner's fist so that your little finger is pressed against his little finger, your ring finger against his ring finger. Stand as if you are attached to each other. Moreover, this is so: in any dispute, the arguing, one way or another depend on each other

So, eight fingers are pressed together, and the thumbs come into play. At first they are directed vertically upwards. Then one of you counts to three, and on the count of three, boxing begins. The winner is the one whose thumb is on top, pressing the partner's thumb for at least a second. After that, you can start the next round. Do you understand the essence of the game? It is said that this game was invented by Danish men, bored in the long dark winter in their north. But girls can also play it, because everything depends not on strength, but on the speed of reaction and sharpness of the eyes. You can win with cunning. For example, if you make deceptive movements and throws, give in for a while, in order to then take advantage of the downward movement of your partner's finger. After trying this game for a couple of rounds, you will feel that you are getting better and better, and you will like this game. After five rounds, take a break to rest your arm and choose another partner. Saying goodbye to your partner, thank him for the fair conduct of the fight.

2. Exercise "Depict your anger (fear, etc.)"

The exercise allows you to realize the features of experience and manifestation of feelings.

Materials. Paper and any visual media; plasticine.

Instruction. Depict your anger in the form of a living being or some kind of image.

Option. Take thick paper, such as wrapping paper. Show your anger by tearing it out of the paper. Working with thick paper is physically demanding and thus frees up energy. The discussion consists in the fact that the children talk about what they depicted, what they wanted to convey.

3. Exercise "Words of Anger"

The exercise allows you to discuss individual ways of expressing anger.

Materials. A board or a large sheet of drawing paper for writing down the words that the children will call.

Instruction. “Think of the words people might say or think when they are angry. Call me these words, and I will write them down.

Discussion. What can make you angry? What happens in this case? What do you do when you're angry? What do you or can you do to stay out of trouble when you are angry? How do you feel when you hear hurtful words addressed to you? And what - when you hear words that reflect the feelings of another person?

Information for the host. Write down everything that children say - do not give any assessment to the words they name, give the opportunity to show a wide range of verbal reactions without embarrassment. When you finish writing the list, note to the children that some of the words they wrote down hurt another, accuse, imply attack, attack. Another group of words is an expression of an experienced feeling.

Options. In a similar way, you can discuss possible reactions in scary, frightening situations, etc.

Final part:

Exercise "Sea Kingdom"

Materials. Large sheets of drawing paper, crayons, pencils or felt-tip pens of different colors. Wave sound cassette

Instruction. We will now draw the underwater kingdom.

Imagine that you have an ocean in front of you. And different fish, crayfish, sharks, starfish live in the ocean. But since this is a magical underwater kingdom, monsters can still live there. We will draw them. Which ones you can think of yourself.

Options. This exercise can be performed by the whole group, drawing a common "sea kingdom", or divided into two teams, each of which will draw its own underwater world. The leader of the group can also take part by drawing water, waves. If it is difficult for children to start on their own, then the facilitator can start drawing something simple (a snake, for example). After finishing drawing, ask the children to name their drawing and describe it, and maybe even come up with a general plot.

Discussion. Does your monster come out of the water?

How do those who see him feel about him? What's terrible about it? What does it do? How does it scare others?

Reflection: please finish the phrase "I'm in today's lesson ..."

Lesson 17

Topic: Stress and stressful situations. Signs of stress. Stress management. Self-regulation skills.

Purpose: To give the concept of stress, how it manifests itself and affects the human body.

Introductory part:

Warm-up exercise "How an elephant sneezes"

Do you know how an elephant sneezes? Let's listen. To do this, we will divide into three groups. The right one says: "Cartilage!"; the second - "Boxes!"; the third - "Dragged!".
The facilitator alternately waves his hands, pointing to one or another group, and the participants pronounce the words. When the facilitator raises both hands up, each group shouts their word, and the sound is like an elephant sneezing.

Main part:

Recently, the concept of "stress" has gained great popularity - it is not for nothing that the past 20th century was called the century of stress. Today it is the 21st century, but stress, not recognizing any boundaries, has easily stepped into the new millennium and continues to strengthen its position.

Everyone has experienced it, everyone is talking about it, but few have wondered, so what is stress?

Dictionaries and encyclopedias give the following answers to this question:

Stress is a state of tension that occurs in a person under the influence of strong impacts.

Stress- is non-specific defensive reaction organism in response to adverse environmental changes.

The definitions given above are concise and simple, but to understand what stress is, it is not at all necessary to look into dictionaries - just look around. Stress is everything that surrounds us. Stress is our life. He breaks into our lives from the very morning, along with the alarm clock, and then ... Then everything is according to the knurled pattern - traffic jams (for motorists), morning crush in transport (for the rest), study, a call to the director, problems with friends, quarrels with relatives, bad dream. "And such rubbish every day."

Is it possible to live without stress? Science says you can't. Life does not tolerate constancy and stability, and of course it is she who is the main source of stress.

Exercise "Corridor". Divide into two groups and stand opposite each other. Each person receives a task - a phrase that he must pronounce to a person passing inside the corridor

Discussion of the exercise. What did you like about it and what not? What caused the difficulty? What hindered and what helped? Did you manage to follow all the commands?

What group moods prevailed during the exercise?

Exercise "I get angry when ...". Think of a time when you felt irritated or angry. Take a newspaper, crumple it and continue the phrase "I get angry when ..." and abruptly throw away a wad of newspaper (anger)

Vibration.

Relieve muscle tension.

Shake your hands, arms, legs and whole body. Runtime 2-3 minutes.

Exercise "Press"

The game exercise is performed individually. Neutralizes and suppresses negative emotions of anger, irritation, increased anxiety, aggression.

Instruction. Imagine inside yourself, at chest level, a powerful press that moves from top to bottom, suppressing negative emotions that arise and the internal tension associated with them. When performing the exercise, it is important to achieve a distinct feeling of the physical heaviness of the internal press, overwhelming and, as it were, pushing down unwanted negative emotions and the energy that it carries with it and grounds it.

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "I'm in today's lesson ..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"

Lesson 18

Topic: Stress and stressful situations. Signs of stress. Stress management. Self-regulation skills.

Purpose: To give the concept of self-regulation, to consider and work out the basic techniques of self-regulation.

Introductory part:

Warm-up exercise "Chase the pig"

All participants stand facing in a circle. It is proposed to imagine that a small, pink pig is running around in a circle, which grunts all the time. The task of the players is to catch the pig. And they do it in the following way: at the command of the leader, the sound “oink” is transmitted in a circle from one participant to another, while the time is recorded on the stopwatch. The game is played several times, each time the rate of passage of the sound "oink" in a circle increases.

Main part:

Every day you attend classes where the essence of various phenomena is explained to you, you study the laws of nature and society, learn to live in peace with yourself and others. Very, very much you have to learn, remember, analyze, prove.

Life makes a lot of demands on us, and we must be able to find the right solutions, resolve conflicts, and control ourselves.

A person cannot remain indifferent to the world around him. The people we encounter, the events we witness or participate in, evoke different feelings and emotions in us: joy, sadness, anger, disgust, shame, pride, love or hate.

We can say that feelings are the regulators of human behavior. Thanks to them, we understand whether everything is fine with us. And if not everything is fine at the level of feelings, a person begins to look for the cause of a bad mood.

Today we will talk about what self-regulation is, how to learn how to manage your emotions. This should be done for various reasons. And one of the main things is to maintain your own health. Since ancient times, healers have understood that between a person’s emotions and his health there is a close connection. For example, envy and anger lead to diseases of the digestive system, and constant fear affects thyroid gland. Inconsolable grief entails diabetes, and the need to hold back emotions for a long time destroys the heart. Sadness, despondency, melancholy accelerate the aging process. “All diseases are from the nerves,” medical science says so today.

Experience shows that an effective means of preventing emotional disorders and stress is the use of methods of self-regulation and "restoration of oneself". This is a kind of “safety precaution” for everyone who wants to stay healthy for many years.

So, self-regulation is the management of one's psycho-emotional state, achieved by a person's influence on himself with the help of words, mental images, control of muscle tone and breathing. Neglect of the rules of mental hygiene, prolonged stress will eventually lead to neurosis. And instead of implementing our plans, we will have to deal with treatment.

When unwanted emotional reactions occur, various natural methods of self-regulation can be used:

laughter, smile, humor;

reflections on the good, pleasant;

muscle relaxation;

communication with nature;

music, dancing;

mental appeal to higher powers, etc.

Now I want to offer you some exercises aimed at maintaining and strengthening mental health. They will help you relieve fatigue, gain self-confidence, cope with irritation, anger, increased anxiety.

Exercise 1. Make a fist with your fingers curled inward thumb. Exhaling calmly, slowly, clench your fist with force. Then, while loosening the clenching of the fist, inhale. Repeat 5 times. Now try this exercise with eyes closed which doubles the effect. Gently massage the tip of your little finger.

Exercise 2. "Smile"- smile at yourself as wide as possible, show your teeth (helps relieve muscle tension).

Exercise 3 Acupressure» - massage with the index fingers of both hands (up to 10 times) points on the forehead between the eyebrows, on the temples and behind the ears.

Exercise 4. "Left-sided breathing"- Close the right nostril with your finger. We breathe through the left nostril calmly, shallowly.

Exercise 5. "Palms"- Rub your palms together until warm. This is the energy of power. Next, “wash” with your palms, rub your earlobes with your fingers, rub your ears.

Exercise 6. Technique " deep breathing» - Take a deep breath and mentally count to 10, then take a deep breath.

Exercise 7. "Tiger growl"- You came home, and your mood is far from festive, your nerves are strained, you are about to explode with aggression, which you had to carefully restrain all day. Don't wait for someone at home to give you a reason to explode. Go to the mirror, look into the eyes of your reflection and... growl. Loud. With expression. Pour out all the rage, anger, resentment in a roar. Like a real tiger tearing prey. By the way, the vibrations that are inevitable during such a growl have a beneficial effect on the body - according to the same principle as stroking a purring cat.

But growling isn't for everyone. In these cases, aggression can be transferred to inanimate objects.

It is enough to lie on the bed and pound the mattress with your heels for 5-10 minutes - such an exercise not only relieves internal psychological stress, but also trains the muscles of the legs and abdominals well.

Helps and beating pillows. And if you also use a regular beater for pillow execution, then at the same time save upholstered furniture from dust. Moreover, not a single ultra-modern vacuum cleaner is able to remove dust accumulating in armchairs and sofas as reliably as the most common, “old-fashioned” beater.

Final part:

Reflection. Continue the sentence: "I'm in today's lesson ..."

Parting. The band members all together say "Goodbye, we!"