Do men need to be present at birth? The presence of a husband at childbirth - a male and female view

Well, firstly, they told me on ultrasound 3 weeks before the birth that the girl was tiny, and the boy was born 4600! And secondly, three girls, if we talk about the long term, this is of course better than two girls and a boy. Now you will have such rears, and the girls, when they grow up, will support each other. Even if two quarrel, the third will reconcile them. And the boy would be apart, but when he grows up, he will generally go to his wife and mother-in-law, remember your name! And if you think that the son would necessarily be like his father in character and charisma, then this is far from a fact. And even if they are similar, it would be difficult for them to live under the same roof, two charismatics. And since I have something to compare with, I’ll say that it’s much more difficult to raise a boy than a girl, not even harder, but so little depends on you, what is born is born. IMHO, it's better to have male grandchildren, and your daughters will organize this for you, no doubt!

Thanks again everyone! 23.10.2017 23:24:41, Lenar

It seems to me that you have combined a natural "calming" of feelings in marriage and hormonal changes (due to pregnancy and childbirth). Apparently, before the birth of a child, you could not find a substitute for passion in your relationship with your husband. In marriage, after all, over time, the brightness, the sharpness of feelings goes away, they change, take on a different "form", and you did not have time to find this new form- changed with pregnancy hormonal background, decreased physiological need for the presence of her husband. After all, it is not necessary to be depressed, you can really enjoy motherhood and at the same time feel your husband as " foreign body"in her life, this is a completely natural state that any woman can experience to a greater or lesser extent after childbirth. At the same time, sexual fantasies may also have nothing to do with real sex, that is, you can fantasize a lot, but in reality, sex with ANY man will be a miserable semblance of these fantasies ...
So do not rush to break everything, look for a way out ...

If you are planning a partner birth, the information in the article will help you weigh the pros and cons, as well as properly prepare for the process.

In the last 10-15 years in the countries of Eastern and Central Europe, the attitude towards childbirth and women in labor has changed a lot. The expectant mother is no longer perceived as an object of medical research. She is the main actor in the mystery of the birth of new life.

Modern doctors are of the opinion that at this time psychological help and support for her is even more important than medical intervention. Therefore, an increasing number of maternity hospitals welcome partner births - those at which the father of the child is present.

The presence of a husband at childbirth: pros and cons

Partner childbirth, or family-oriented, implies the presence of someone else in the delivery room, in addition to doctors. This someone is a close person of a woman giving birth, who will have to support her, create a favorable environment for her. mental attitude.

A man in childbirth is a support for a woman.

IMPORTANT: Partner birth and birth with a husband are perceived by us as one and the same. In fact, a woman's mother, sister or even a friend can support a woman in this hard work. It's just that most often it is the father of the child who is chosen to be the partner.

Often a pregnant woman wants her husband to be with her during childbirth, because:

• afraid of the process
• afraid of doctors
• afraid that if something goes wrong during childbirth, the husband will be able to control the situation and take care of her rights
• thinks that such "co-creation" will contribute to her even greater rapprochement with her husband
• thinks partnerships will help establish close connection between a newborn and his father
• wants her husband to see how hard the child was given to her
• wants to pay tribute to fashion (“all my friends and acquaintances gave birth with their husbands”)

But her desire alone is not enough. The question of whether the husband should be present at the birth is very complex, in each pair it is decided individually. To make a decision about partner childbirth, a man must be well aware of what awaits his wife and himself, what his role will be.

In the process of childbirth, he is not a spectator. From a man will require significant effort, physical and moral. After all, partner childbirth means “to give birth with the husband”, and not “the husband watches the birth of the child.”

IMPORTANT: The decision to have a man present at the birth should not be spontaneous. Even during pregnancy, it is necessary to weigh all the pros and cons, consult a gynecologist and, possibly, a psychologist, and only after that choose the option of partner childbirth or reject it.

In order to participate in partner childbirth, it would be good for a man to participate in the entire pregnancy. He has all the conditions for this: numerous literature, the opportunity to go with his wife to an appointment with a antenatal clinic and an ultrasound scan, the opportunity to attend childbirth preparation courses, and so on.

The clear benefits of partnerships are:

1. Real physical assistance. A man helps a woman giving birth to walk during contractions, supports her on a fitball, does a massage, helps to breathe properly, push, etc.
2. Moral support. In the prenatal and delivery room, a man can do everything that will raise the morale of a woman giving birth and create a favorable psychological mood for her: joke, tell stories, sing, communicate with the child, etc.
3. Mediation between the woman in labor and the medical staff. A man present at the birth can simply call a doctor if necessary. It is also no secret that in some maternity hospitals, the attitude towards expectant mothers still leaves much to be desired. Partner childbirth is a kind of reinsurance against the boorish attitude of doctors
4. Family bonding. Psychologists assure that joint childbirth, the decision on which was made consciously and by mutual desire, helps to strengthen the close relationship between the born baby, his mother and father.
5. Awareness of the value of a new life. A man who has accepted his child is supposedly initiated into something secret. He perceives the child as a treasure given to him by nature and his wife.

IMPORTANT: The role of a man is great not only during natural childbirth, but also in the case of the operation caesarean section. If it passes under general anesthesia, it is the father of the child who is placed on the chest with the aim of his speedy adaptation to life outside the mother's womb

Unfortunately, partner childbirth can turn into a real nightmare:

1. A man experiences stress if he does not have enough moral strength. Husbands present at the attempts often faint. But the worst psychological problems dad partners can have prolonged depression, a weakening of libido and even impotence
2. A woman is embarrassed by a man, annoyed at him or offended. This reaction can be caused both by the wrong, in the opinion of the woman, behavior of the husband, and the lack of attention or overprotection. Doctors say that women in childbirth screamed and kicked their husbands out of the prenatal room because they “dared” to offer them water or said “Let's breathe”
3. Family and intimate relationship between a man and a woman can get worse. It is impossible to deny the fact that both a man and a woman often cease to perceive each other as sexual partners after joint birth

VIDEO: Why give birth with your husband? Do you need a husband during childbirth?

Partner childbirth training, courses

It would be very good if, together with the expectant mother herself, father, who is going to attend the birth, also took courses for childbirth.

IMPORTANT: Such courses exist with women's consultations, maternity hospitals themselves, in private clinics, family centers.

Training courses are a cycle of classes conducted by experienced instructors. A man can get a lot of useful things from such activities. He:

• get an idea of ​​what childbirth is, how it goes
• watch video from real childbirth, then what is happening in the delivery room will not be a surprise for him
• learn to distinguish real contractions from false ones, note their duration and the duration of the interval between them
• learn how to do pain relief massage
• master the technique of breathing during contractions and other methods of pain relief
• learns how to behave between contractions, how to help a woman relax between them
• learns how to behave when pushing, how to help his wife push and breathe properly
• learn how to behave with a newborn baby, master the basics of caring for him

As a rule, such classes are group, so the man will feel more comfortable in the company of other dads who want to be present at the birth.

VIDEO: Partner Birth [course NATURAL BIRTH]

Partner childbirth analyzes

If a decision is made on partner childbirth, it is necessary to discuss this possibility with the doctor at the maternity hospital in advance and take a list of tests that the man needs to take there. Requirements for this may vary.
Previously, in order to enter the prenatal or delivery room, a man had to take a large number of analyses:

• for HIV
• for syphilis
• for viral hepatitis
• swabs for staphylococcus aureus

And also, do fluorography and take a certificate of epidemiological environment from the local therapist. Today, as a rule, in addition to fluorography, nothing is asked from a man in the maternity hospital. But each institution may have its own characteristics.

In which maternity hospital is it possible to give birth with a husband

The World Health Organization encourages family-oriented childbirth and recommends creating conditions for them in every maternity hospital. Unfortunately, giving birth with a husband in countries former USSR it is not possible everywhere yet, since for this you need:

• individual delivery rooms
• specially trained staff
• chambers cohabitation(sometimes a man stays with a woman for the entire duration of her stay in the hospital)

IMPORTANT: During an epidemic of influenza or SARS, when there is quarantine in the maternity hospital, in the presence of a husband at childbirth, they may refuse.

Partnership childbirth: reviews

Usually, in the reviews, men describe several options for family-oriented childbirth:

• a man supports a woman in labor during labor and leaves when she begins to push, then returns again to take the child in his arms, is next to his wife until they are transferred to the ward
• the man is next to the woman from the moment of arrival at the maternity hospital until she gives birth, stays with her and the child until they are transferred to the ward
• “gives birth” to men together with a woman and stays with her in the cohabitation ward until she and the baby are discharged from the maternity hospital

IMPORTANT: Couples who gave birth together say that, carried away by thoughts about the birth itself, preparing for it, they forgot about the practical aspects of the presence of a man at the birth, because of this, unpleasant force majeure arose

To prevent this from happening, you need to clarify at the maternity hospital where the couple plans to give birth, what a man needs to take with him. As a rule, this is:

• indoor shoes
• clean clothes
• a medical suit with a mask, a cap and shoe covers (they are sometimes given out in the maternity hospital itself)

You also need to remember that childbirth can drag on for many hours. A man needs to take water, yogurt, fruits, sandwiches or pies with him, in a word, something that he can have a snack with.
Devices for photo and video filming will not be superfluous, thanks to them a man has the opportunity to capture the first minutes of the life of his daughter or son.

VIDEO: Partner births

Each couple explains their desire to give birth together in different ways. Someone thinks that everything will go easier and faster this way, for someone it is important that the child, having been born, immediately gets acquainted not only with mom, but also with dad, so that from the first minutes of life he feels like a family . Often this decision “ripens” after the future parents go to pregnancy courses together, and sometimes the father decides to go to the hospital with his wife spontaneously, literally at the very last moment. But most often, future parents plan everything in advance and reason like this: we spent the whole pregnancy together, went through many trials, and it would be strange to leave at the most crucial moment. Moreover, it is during childbirth that a woman often feels especially helpless, and she needs her husband's support more than ever.

You should not go to give birth together just because it is fashionable or because your friends did it. The birth of a child is a joyful event, but at the same time it is a crucial stage in the life of every family. Roles are changing, relationships between spouses are changing, in fact, a restructuring is taking place within the family. And only a conscious, free decision to jointly help the child to be born will benefit both him and his parents. Therefore, when planning a partner birth, it makes sense to discuss your expectations in advance and find out how much they coincide with the partner's ideas.

Many men think about accompanying their wives, but they are stopped by myths that are firmly entrenched in mass consciousness. Despite the fact that times have changed, they still remain relevant. Surely, you are familiar with the chilling stories about how one man fainted after seeing the process of childbirth, and the other lost interest in his wife forever. As a rule, nothing like this actually happens. Any normal man understands that the behavior of the wife in a normal setting and in the delivery room will be different. Of course, sometimes there are overly impressionable representatives of the strong half of humanity, and not all couples are ready for joint childbirth, since they suggest enough high level closeness and understanding.

Obviously, being present at birth is not entertainment event. However, there is nothing shocking about it. In addition, most husbands, especially on later dates pregnancy, and so inevitably face female physiology every day. In addition, if at some point the tension becomes completely unbearable, nothing prevents a man from taking a time out and leaving the delivery room.

How can a husband help during childbirth?

Most women who have given birth with their husband say that his help was invaluable. After all, childbirth is not only attempts, as they like to show in the movies. This is the final and most dynamic stage, and all generic activity, as a rule, it takes not an hour or two, but 6-8 hours, sometimes it even drags on up to 12 hours. Even a contracted doctor will not sit next to you during this entire period. And the husband will be, he will be able to bring water, cheer up, give an anesthetic massage, help to stand up or sit down, distract him with a conversation in between contractions. In a word, will be able to support you. In addition, no woman can foresee how she will behave during childbirth, whether she will adequately respond to what is happening, how she will feel later. So the presence is near loved one will be superfluous.

Let's see how specifically a husband can help each stage of childbirth.

Childbirth with husband: the first period

This period lasts from the beginning of the first contractions to the full disclosure of the cervix. The hardest part of this phase is pain in the abdomen and sacrum associated with contractions.

Partner can:

• measure the time from one contraction to the start of the next (this information is very important, since the frequency of contractions indicates the degree of cervical dilatation);
• keep the woman calm, do not let her get confused and panic, as this can negatively affect the entire process of childbirth;
• help a woman relax between contractions, take a break;
• perform with the mother special exercises, contributing to a faster and painless flow of the birth process;
• moisten lips with water;
• remind her that every hour she needs to go to the toilet (this is necessary for the normal contraction of the muscles of the uterus);
• breathe correctly with a woman during contractions;
• do anesthetic massage (massage the abdomen, sacrum, etc.);
• if necessary, call a doctor, and also be interested in what and why manipulations are carried out, drugs are administered, etc .;
• decide on pain relief if the woman is unable to do so herself.

Childbirth with husband: second period

At this stage of labor, contractions become longer, stronger and more frequent. At the beginning of this phase, you should already be in the hospital. The second period lasts from full disclosure of the cervix until the birth of the child. During this stage, attempts are added to contractions - arbitrary contractions of the muscles of the anterior abdominal wall. Thanks to the attempts, the child moves down through the small pelvis.

Partner can:

• control breathing, applying the techniques mastered in preparation for childbirth;
• during attempts to help a woman take comfortable posture, if necessary;
• hold her hand, cheer her up, wipe the sweat;
• duplicate the instructions of doctors, because it often happens that during childbirth a woman panics and stops hearing what strangers say to her. And the words of a loved one manage to penetrate her mind. Many note that a command repeated in a native voice comes faster than the words of an unfamiliar doctor;
• periodically inform future mother about how the baby is progressing;
• cut the umbilical cord as directed by the midwife.

Childbirth with husband: third period

During the third stage of labor, the uterus continues to contract, the placenta separates from the walls of the uterus and then comes out.

Partner can:

• put the baby on the woman's chest;
• capture the first minutes with a newborn;
• congratulate my mother and thank the doctors.

It must be remembered that childbirth is a long process, and at this time it is important for a woman to be not alone, but together with a close, beloved person.

How to prepare for partner childbirth?

As you can see, a man in childbirth can be very useful. However, if he does not know anything about the specifics of childbirth or, worse than that, goes to them for the sake of satisfying curiosity or under duress - in this case, his presence is more likely to harm than to benefit. Therefore, it is important to prepare the future dad in advance. As a rule, courses for pregnant women have special classes for men, where they tell how childbirth will take place and how they can help at each stage. Such knowledge helps men feel more confident, because, as they say, forewarned is forearmed. The course teaches the basic principles of emergency assistance(psychological and physical) and special massage and breathing techniques. Although, as practice shows, most of all, at the time of childbirth, a woman needs psychological support.

Many men are wary of childbirth, even afraid of them, although they often do not admit it. This does not characterize them at all. bad husbands and fathers. Psychologists believe that such fears and unconscious resistance are often associated with the peculiarities of upbringing and attitudes towards such issues in his family. That is why it is important to devote enough time and attention to preparing the future dad for participation in childbirth.

If you attended the course without your spouse, then tell him about the stages of childbirth (emphasizing that deviations from the norm are possible), as well as what problems you may have to face. It should also be mentioned that because of pain, your behavior can change drastically. It seems obvious, but this case it is better not to lose sight of a single detail. A man must be prepared for an unexpected "turn of events."

What to provide for joint childbirth?

In most maternity hospitals, the husband is allowed to be present at the birth, there is no need to pay for it. But this point is better to discuss where you plan to give birth. There are times when partner births are not allowed. Sometimes this is prohibited by the internal rules of the maternity hospital, and usually the husband is not allowed if the development of the child is accompanied by any pathology and it is likely that the birth process may be complicated and will require surgical intervention. If it is initially known that a woman will give birth by caesarean section, joint birth is also not performed, since this is an abdominal operation and the presence of outsiders during it is inappropriate.

Each maternity hospital has its own list of examinations that a man needs to undergo before he is allowed into the delivery room. Usually they are tested for syphilis (RW), HIV, hepatitis B and C (HBS, HCV). Sometimes they ask to do a fluorography and bring the conclusion of the therapist about general condition health. In some maternity hospitals, clothes are given out to the future dad, but somewhere you can bring your own ( cotton trousers, T-shirt, socks and rubber slippers). They also sometimes require a photocopy of your passport. You are allowed to take photo and video equipment, water and even food with you. By the way, many couples forget about the latter from excitement when they are going to the hospital, and then young father I have to quickly look for something to eat. Please note that the listed list of tests and things is generalized: each maternity hospital has its own rules, and they need to be clarified in advance.

How does joint childbirth affect a man?

It largely depends on the mood of the man and why the couple chose this type of childbirth. For example, if this is a way to solve any intra-family problems, then as a result they will most likely be harmed. In no case should childbirth be used as a factor designed to smooth out sharp corners. Some women try to get their husbands involved in childbirth, hoping that seeing their wife suffer will make him show more respect and love her more. But most often, with such a formulation of the question, all that intensifies in a man is a sense of guilt. Therefore, keep in mind that manipulations, in principle, harm relationships, and especially in such an important matter as the birth of a child.

If a man participates in childbirth, based on his sincere desire, then it is likely that this process will have on him positive influence. Any psychologist will tell you that Team work, respect and trust in each other - this is the "cement" that holds the bricks together, from which the "building" of relationships is built. And in childbirth, all these elements are present in full. It has also been proven that a man who has been in childbirth develops a paternal instinct faster. The sooner he gets to know his child, the sooner he realizes that he has become a father. Indeed, unlike a woman who nine long months is a single entity with the baby, the husband solves mainly material issues. As a result, many men admit that they are fully aware of their paternity only at the moment when the child begins to speak. Joint childbirth can speed up this process, as dad immediately feels his involvement in what is happening. In addition, he can cut the umbilical cord and feel that he helped the newborn become an independent person, and this is very important.

Childbirth with a husband: pros and cons

Joint childbirth is most likely for you if:

• you are used to openly discussing everything that worries you;
• you are not ashamed to get sick and look at the second half in the best way;
• in critical situations, a man mobilizes, acts reasonably and does not give in to panic;
• you are ready to share equally all the responsibility and care for the baby.

It is better to refuse joint childbirth if:

• you are not used to sharing experiences;
• it is generally accepted in the family that women have their own secrets and childbirth - a purely feminine affair;
• one of the partners doubts whether it is worth giving birth together;
• a woman is used to solving all problems herself;
• a man is emotional and prone to panic, does not know how to control himself;
• the man is very impatient and cannot stand a long wait;
• future dad used to being the center of attention, and the situation when he should be on the sidelines makes him uncomfortable;
• the spouse is infantile and does not know how to take responsibility.

When, after graduating from the institute, the guys persuaded me to go kayaking, as a mossy city dweller, at first I resisted. Then I thought: what am I, not a man, or what? It was the same with the presence in the ward during the birth of his wife. Just at some point I said to myself: I'm kind of like a representative of the stronger sex! If women can do it, I can do it too.

Roundtrip

By the time Lena had real contractions, the process of getting ready for the maternity hospital for both of us was brought to automatism. Because not at all weak “harbingers” have appeared several times already. And every night. My missus pushed me aside just at the moment when I dreamed of something particularly interesting, and, widening her eyes, in a tragic whisper said: “That's it! I give birth! And I, yawning and bumping into the walls, packed my slippers, toothbrush and cigarettes. We warmed up the car, drove to the maternity hospital, woke up everyone we could… So what? The contractions subsided, there was no opening, and, quietly gnashing my teeth, I was driving a cheerful, cheerful Lenka back home. Not life, but the work of Mr. Tolkien: "The Hobbit, or There and Back Again."

And here she is in Once again begins to “give birth”, I automatically deliver it to its destination, mentally preparing to take it back. But from the examination room instead cheerful wife a businesslike young midwife comes out: “Opening three fingers, the water has just broken. Call your doctor."

And now we are already in the ward - waiting for the doctor to arrive. There was no trace of Lenka's cheerfulness: she turned pale, her lips trembled. And I have, as in contrast, a surge of unhealthy gaiety. He began to carry some kind of nonsense, poison jokes. In the end, he made his wife laugh to tears. When our doctor entered the ward, Lena was jumping on the fitball and laughing. We were not even immediately believed that we really began to give birth.

Inhale-exhale

When the contractions became more frequent, it became no laughing matter. Lena and I walked around the ward and breathed in chorus at the doctor's command: one-two-three-four - inhale; one-two-three-four-five-six - exhale. From time to time she stopped and grabbed my elbow in a death grip: a contraction. I hugged her, rubbed her place below the waist - the sacrum; supposedly from this the pain should become weaker. Lena squeaked slightly, somehow all contracted and bit her lips. Then it was released, and we set off again: inhale-exhale, inhale-exhale. They took a break: the doctor gave her some kind of candle - supposedly to soften the cervix. I checked the disclosure, ordered me to walk more.

We walk, we walk, and suddenly the whole wife seems to be warped. She lay down on the couch, says - "I want to drink." The doctor shakes his head: you can’t drink now. And he gives a wooden stick, the one that is used to eat ice cream, and on it cotton wool moistened with water: to lubricate the lips. "Give me a drink!" Lena wheezes. Well, I think, for the Gestapo, they don't give water to a person. He began to wet her lips; seemed to be quiet. But not for long. Soon the fights went one after another; my wife tightly grabbed my shoulder with her fingers (the bruises remained!) and moaned softly. The doctor looked at her again and said: "Let's sit on the chair, let's start now."

"I'm afraid!"

He helped her climb onto this “throne”. I can't imagine how pregnant women with their bellies, and even during fierce fights, get there without the help of their husbands. I practically lifted Lenka on a chair in my arms. The doctor kept repeating: "Don't you dare sit down - you will sit on the child's head!" And Lena, in my opinion, didn’t care anymore whether she was sitting, lying or hanging upside down.

They arranged her on a chair, the midwife ran up. I was placed at the head, and the doctor and the midwife stood at Lena's feet. Another thought flashed through my mind - what a funny position my wife has: in life she will not hurt a fly, and then she rested one foot on the doctor, the other on the midwife, as if she was going to kick.

“The opening is good,” says the doctor. “You have to push three times in one contraction.” And I, I must say, read so much literature about this “push”, and still I didn’t really understand what in question. But standing at the chair as if he felt something. Maybe the doctor and the midwife portrayed well, maybe there is a special magic in the delivery rooms ... From the outside, everything looked, probably, quite funny: it seems that one woman is giving birth, and four are pushing - they inhale deeply, hold their breath, blush, bulge their eyes ... And one of them, mind you, a man.

And then Lena screams: “I'm afraid!” The doctor and midwife began to fuss. I stand, whisper in her ear something like “everything will be fine, don’t worry,” and suddenly I hear - “The head has passed!” While Lena was so loudly afraid, the head of our baby was born! I immediately looked “there”, and there - something so round, black ...

Red hero

After that everything was pretty fast. The wife somehow immediately came to life, tensed up - and now they show me this wet lump. They don’t even show it, but they really stick it in the face with manhood!
“Man,” I say.
“It’s a boy,” the midwife corrects, offended.
Why is he so red? I ask.
- He's pink! the doctor is outraged.
And here it is not. Maybe in their medical language this color is called pink. I declare with all responsibility - my son was quite red right after birth. And huge! That is, it seemed small to me, but after weighing it turned out - four three hundred, although my wife is by no means a giantess.

Lena looked so happy! Tired, disheveled, but so satisfied! And beautiful as a Madonna. That is, not in the sense of being beautiful that even now at a social event, but as if glowing from the inside, so a little magical, so dear. And all mine. And when our boy was put on her stomach, put to her chest, and he, without thinking twice, smacked his lips, I, frankly, shed a tear.

P.S

According to the doctors, that was not all. They were explaining something to Lena about the third stage of labor, about the placenta, which is about to be born, about the need to push again. But she, in my opinion, did not listen to them - she lay to herself with such a blissful look, like a cat that has surreptitiously eaten sour cream. I was sternly asked to influence my wife. I stood at her head again - I was just examining the baby pediatrician, - tried to push again with her. Lena portrayed something like that - and broke into a happy smile: “No, nothing comes of it ...”
In short, no matter how much she strained, that under my guidance, that under the sensitive eyes of doctors, no placenta came out. The doctor said that in this case it would be necessary to remove children's place under anesthesia. Our baby was temporarily sent to the children's department, having sworn to his wife that he would lie with her in the postpartum ward, and I was told to "take a walk somewhere." I went out into the corridor - and only then I realized how brutally I wanted to smoke! Even my hands were trembling. I caught the first sister I came across, explained the situation - they say, I was present at the birth, I was tired, where they smoke in your place. She looked at me from the bottom up with such respect, with which, probably, they look at heroes who have accomplished a feat - and took me to the courtyard ...

What can I say? Nonsense that childbirth is not a man's business. Support the woman you love Hard time, to be near her - isn't that worthy of a man? And the moment when I took my son in my arms - even earlier than my wife! – was probably the most beautiful in my life.

Magazine “I want a child”, Sergey B.

There have been discussions on this topic for a long time. Both supporters and opponents of joint childbirth have weighty arguments. So pregnant women are lost, not knowing on whose side the truth is. They look for information on the Internet, collect bit by bit, and are afraid to make the wrong decision.

However, today the site for moms supermams.ru has put together all the pros and cons of childbirth with her husband. Is it worth it to give birth with your husband, what will be the consequences of each of the decisions, as well as advice to the men themselves on this matter, look in today's article.

Childbirth with husband: "for"

Childbirth with a husband is fashionable. You can hear rave reviews from friends, see campaigning in the press and on the Internet.

A woman giving birth in the presence of her husband is more comfortable. Realizing that there is a close person nearby who does not just observe, but tries in every possible way to help, a woman gives birth more easily.

A husband can help not only morally. Giving birth to the wife massage the back and lower abdomen, taking to the toilet, calling the midwives, helping to breathe during, the husband takes the most direct part in childbirth.

Childbirth with a husband is also good because the husband can control the medical staff, specifying what injections and pills are given to the woman in labor, what are their contraindications. With her husband, doctors and midwives behave more correctly and politely.

Having given birth to a child "together", the newly-made father immediately manifests paternal feelings, he begins to love the child earlier, without a long addiction. In the future, such dads nurse the children on a par with their mother.

The husband's affection for his wife is intensified. They seem to become one, which can be confirmed by many couples. Relationships become stronger and reach a different level of development.

Here is the story of one giving birth: “I gave birth with my husband. During labor, he helped me overcome this pain, and during childbirth he “breathed” with me and pushed. He watched the whole process, saw how the head appeared, and then the whole body of the child After giving birth, our relationship became more reverent and warm, and sex - sensual and tender. "

Childbirth with husband: "against"

Some women believe that the presence of a husband during childbirth only interferes. During contractions and the very process of childbirth, they cannot get rid of the idea that the husband is the "source" of their suffering. After all, now it is so hard for them, and he is spared from this.

Also, a husband may feel guilty for not being able to help his wife in any way. This is aggravated by the fact that the wife can become irritable and break down on her husband, yell at him and say that he is doing everything wrong.

Childbirth with a husband may not only not strengthen the family, but, on the contrary, be an impetus for the collapse, especially if even before that, not everything was smooth in the relationship.

Opponents of childbirth with her husband believe that birth should be a mystery, and a woman should remain a mystery. The husband absolutely does not need to know such anatomical details of the body.

There is a category of women who are shy, therefore they are against childbirth with their husband. They are embarrassed that the husband will see his wife in an unsightly form: shaggy, groaning from pain that does not find a place for itself, in various poses, they imagine with horror that the husband will take him to the toilet ... Or he will even see blood, mucus, the remains of the placenta, bloody umbilical cord. Thinking about how they look in this moment, women will be distracted from the process of childbirth.

But the most important argument against childbirth with a husband is that after everything he has seen, the husband may lose any sexual interest in his wife! Moreover, a man may even feel disgust for the woman he once loved and begin to treat her after childbirth only as the mother of his child. And this fact will be confirmed by many men! And only an experienced psychologist can help with this.

Here is what one woman giving birth with her husband says: “After giving birth with my husband, I noticed some changes in my husband’s behavior. He seemed to move away from me, became a stranger, kissed only on the cheek and avoided intimacy. happened quickly and without emotions. He explained this to me by saying that he could not forget what he saw during childbirth. whole year! I booked him in with a specialist, and it seems to be slowly getting better."

If you decide to give birth together, it is better to prepare in advance for childbirth. Visit special courses, read literature.

Let the wife feel your support and confidence in a successful outcome. Do not get lost, take a book about pregnancy and childbirth with you. Read to your wife so that she knows what is happening to her now.

Watch her breath. Show by example how to breathe properly during contractions and childbirth. Stroke or massage your beloved woman's belly and lower back (if you have mastered the massage technique).

While pushing, hold your wife's hand or caress her face and head, tell her tender words. Breathe and push together.

It is not at all necessary to look "in that very place", you can stand at the head of the woman giving birth.

Do not meddle with doctors with your advice, but do not show complete indifference to their actions. Follow their instructions carefully. Don't be rude and don't panic.

If you feel that you can no longer observe what is happening, leave the room so as not to distract the doctors.

Be prepared for unexpected behavior from your wife. If she asks, leave her alone and don't give her too much reason to be nervous.

If you think that you do not belong in the delivery room, but to be near your wife in such a important point still want, stay with your wife during the fights. And during childbirth, wait for the baby to be born somewhere behind the wall.

In the event that the wife insists on joint childbirth, and you are against this idea, do not give arguments that may seem unconvincing to a pregnant woman. It is better to explain that you will not be able to control yourself and refer to weak nerves.

If you nevertheless decided to give birth with your husband, then you weighed all the pros and cons and assessed the possible consequences.

In this matter, the most important thing is the desire of the husband, his initiative. Persuasion and coercion can not be pushed to this. And it is also impossible to set an example for other families. You can't predict how your husband will react.

And do you need a husband during childbirth? Maybe you will be more comfortable if there is a mother, sister or friend nearby?

In any case, whatever decision you make, I wish you the best of luck!

Discussion

Rather "against" than "for". But this is only in my case. It is not necessary to put pressure on a man and force him to be present during childbirth. It's just his choice. My husband is afraid of blood and faints (not figuratively, but literally) at the very smell of it. When the water broke at my house, he turned pale, began to run, fuss. He is a very nervous person. And why would you bring something like that with you? Some sense of justice? I suffer, let him? Silly and irresponsible. To say that he is a man and must be confident and supportive, otherwise he is not a man? But we women are not all the same. Not everyone is weak and romantic, etc.
I was generally more comfortable when no one was there. So that no one sees how I writhed and screamed in pain.

And I regret that my husband was not with me at the first birth. All these arguments against are nonsense. After analyzing my first birth, I even know how exactly he could help me there. And then I simply succumbed to public opinion - they say there is nothing for a peasant to do there. We wanted to go together. And we were frightened by all our relatives, friends and acquaintances, so that joint childbirth is horror, horror. And what did they have to do with it? This time I unfortunately have to CS. But I don’t even have a thought that my husband won’t go with me. Will definitely go. Otherwise, who will our child be with until I recover from anesthesia and just lie down? It seems to me that if people really love each other, then for them joint birth is natural. And what about the physiological details, appearance and fear of blood? When my husband had a terrible allergy, his eye swollen half of his head and he lay under droppers - why should I shy away from him? Yes, and he saw me after
operations from under anesthesia when I moaned, cried and carried all sorts of nonsense. And in old age, the pots may have to be taken out. So what can get divorced in old age? and then the husband will see his wife in an unsightly form! And death is always so scary. But marriage, in principle, should be until the end of life. One of the spouses will still have to bury the other. This is scary. And childbirth = this is a joyful event for the whole family! And what about fashionable... Of course, the word is not suitable, but it may even be good that normal and natural becomes fashionable? That is, joint childbirth, breastfeeding, joint stay in the RD of the child and mother. It's better to let it be fashionable than before when the father saw his child on the 10th day after birth. And my mother brought home a bundle from the RD and only for the first time unwrapped it at home and saw what a newborn baby is like in general.

For some reason, it is generally accepted that joint childbirth is certainly a husband next to the woman in labor from the first contraction to the birth of the placenta. Apparently, this attitude is due to the fact that you have to pay for joint births and people, if they have already paid, want to get EVERYTHING :)) In fact, this is not necessary. You can get exactly as much as you want.

We can choose which phases of labor to go through together, and where to interrupt and separate. In fact, the process of childbirth can last a day and there are no heartbreaking anatomical details in this, the details just take last minutes:)) And it is somewhat strange to refuse the support of a loved one, which is needed for many hours, fearing that he will see something wrong later. On the other hand, it is no less strange to insist on the continuation of the husband's stay next to the woman in labor, if it is already clear to everyone that the birth is getting worse from this. This, by the way, quite happens - the husband interferes with giving birth by the very fact of his presence.

In my opinion, the most important thing is to have maximum opportunities and use them flexibly. Childbirth is not a competition for the best woman in labor and you should not run into an insistent desire to do everything right. This is just a process in which you should listen very carefully to yourself, to your desires, to the course of the whole process. And the main character here is a woman, and the husband is an assistant. If he is needed, it is better for him to be there, if he began to interfere - it is better to leave, if he is needed again - without offense to re-engage in the process. It does not matter, by and large, whether he will observe the process of the birth of a child. It is important how much he provided comfort to his woman during childbirth :))

And if you think carefully in this direction, you can understand that it is impossible to be a supporter or opponent of childbirth with a husband :)) Because these are all just ideas, and ideas are a harmful thing for such subtle processes. If you don’t try, you won’t know what is best for these particular births.

Bullshit is about what is fashionable. Just a normal man and not afraid of such responsibility. To me, my husband really was a reliable oprah and help in all three births. And this despite the fact that he is a very sensitive and impressionable person, and from the sight of blood in any other situation he can easily faint. But during childbirth he was doing well, and he helped me perfectly and cut the umbilical cord. So no arguments will force me to refuse the presence of my husband at childbirth. Yes, and he himself will not refuse, unless some insurmountable circumstances compel him.

About the arguments against.
1. A husband can get in the way not only during childbirth, and what now to kick him out of the house? Mine prevents me from cooking regularly, what to do now ...
2. What does the source of suffering mean? Did you both want Lyalya? And what about the extreme husband?
3. If a family is falling apart from childbirth, then it can fall apart from any situation. Illness, circumstances. And this is a reason.
4. Well, not willows that all men are alarmists and faint from blood ...
5. What anatomical details the husband does not need to know???!! Excuse me, is he doing Lyalya with his eyes closed????
6. Husband sees shaggy... is he shaggy?
7. And if the husband, excuse me, loses sexual interest, then this is called I won’t say how, otherwise they’ll be moderated ... So he needs a wife as a current a rubber doll, as I saw something unsightly - so into the bushes?

They do Lyalya together, so why should one wife take the rap during childbirth?!

Fashionable? I think in this matter no one is guided by what is "fashionable"

Comment on the article "Childbirth with a husband: pros and cons"

Discussion

To be honest, I don’t understand why the fuss.
My friend found out in advance by phone. maternity hospital, what tests the husband needs to take (there was a fluorography and more blood for something), my husband and I arrived in advance with exchange card to the head physician, they showed her husband's certificates, the head physician at the exchange office made a note that childbirth with her husband was allowed and EVERYTHING!
After the start of the fights, they rushed to the r / d and the husband was let in without a sound.
Those. all you have to do is choose a r\d and 1 (!) time to come there with your husband.

I have nothing against your husband giving birth with you, but if he has tuberculosis or even a runny nose, then he is not needed. The safety of my child is important to me. So fluorography and hiv-sif-hepatitis hand over. And please come. And so think, because someone can also bring without a husband's certificate, and pick up an infection for a baby, how nefig to do ... And it could be your child ... 3 ugh!

Childbirth with her husband is also different to conduct>. Childbirth with my husband can also be done in different ways: for example, when I moved to the birth chair, they asked me to “go out into the labor room. The husband was categorically against joint childbirth, but it so happened that he himself stayed until the attempts, when he became visible ...

Discussion

IMHO, it's just easier for doctors when a woman gives birth alone, without a husband. all other "excuses" for joint childbirth are far-fetched, by the same doctors. about attraction and divorce - no one is safe from this, and at least it is naive to believe that NOT the presence of a husband at childbirth will somehow help save the family in the future ...

At first, mine beat himself in the chest, that he would go and be present from and to. Now, I see he has changed his mind, he does not insist when I ask, he asks more and more: "do you want"? :)), began to laugh it off that he would get drunk in the nearest restaurant (if not during working hours), in short, I will be without a husband ... If there was a REALLY strong desire, this is one thing, otherwise ... I will be more nervous, yes ... and ...... ..s-I'm shy :))))

It was believed that childbirth is a purely female sacrament, while men do not need to be present. Childbirth with and without a husband. I really wanted to talk about maternity hospitals ... But where to start, not even if the husband remains in the maternity hospital after childbirth to stay with his wife and ...

Discussion

We gave birth free of charge, but by agreement with the doctor. They brought clean sports trousers with them, clean. T-shirt, new slippers. They also gave him a hospital gown. So I gave birth)))))))