Standard child deductions in non-standard situations. The type of child you were born into can tell you a lot about your character.

One of the pieces of the puzzle that makes up a person’s individuality and destiny is his “position” in parental family, that is, the presence or absence of brothers and sisters (psychologists call them siblings) and the order of their birth.

Freud's follower Alfred Adler was the first to identify “ordinal positions” - the only child, the eldest in the family, middle child, the youngest of two children, the youngest of three or more children - and stated that according to them, people differ in their character.

Birth order is not at all some mystical “unknown quantity” that leaves a fatal imprint on our destinies. First of all, the “derivatives” from it are important - the perception of oneself, others and the world, characteristic of each of the positions. After all, these children's decisions in the overwhelming majority of cases become models that we use to solve adult problems.

The famous French psychoanalyst Françoise Dolto often repeated: many brothers and sisters do not have the same parents.

What does it mean? Life experiences sometimes change each of us beyond recognition, and a 35-year-old woman who gave birth to her second child may not in any way resemble her 20-year-old self, who was learning the basics of motherhood.

It is difficult to write on this topic, if only because, like any other classification, the psychology of birth order is very relative. Statements on this topic tend to be categorical and somehow unnaturally detailed, for example: you can rely on the first-born, he is hardworking and organized, demanding, serious, adheres to the letter of the law, true to his word, relies on himself, but wants to please everyone.

Or about middle children: they are calm and down-to-earth, grateful listeners. They take a comprehensive approach to solving problems and strive to make everyone around them feel good and happy. They make excellent diplomats.

Agree, for any pseudoaxiom “The first-born is always...” or “Youngest children tend to...” there are many anti-examples. Indeed, birth order is important not in itself, but in the context of a particular family situation. Let’s add here also natural inclinations and we get the well-known “how many people, so many destinies.” So, children in any position can develop any lifestyle - there is no predetermination here. However, there is a predisposition associated specifically with birth order. This is what we will talk about.

First Born

First hand. According to Adler, the position of the firstborn is enviable while he is the only child, the “center of the Universe” in his family. Receiving boundless love and care from his parents, he enjoys his safe and serene existence.

Adlerians characterize older children as rule-followers, striving for perfection, success and most often achieving it, and if not, then giving up what they started. They are serious, stubborn, responsible, and the sense of responsibility can be inflated: as a result of this, the eldest child sometimes turns into a deeply anxious person.

For many centuries, the world was dominated by the right of primogeniture, which placed the first child in a privileged position. It is no coincidence that it has been noted that first-born children most often become prominent politicians, leaders and celebrities in general.

« Dethronement". The “weak link” of the firstborn is perfectionism, the roots of which lie in the feeling of rejection and loss of parental love after the birth of the youngest child. “A monarch dethroned,” wrote Adler.

“I will become the best in order to return the love of my parents,” the first-born makes an unconscious decision. This is how the mechanism of “earning love” is formed, which subsequently operates in relationships with partners. Moreover, the age of the child is practically not significant. If a two-year-old can regress (go back a stage) in behavior - again demand a pacifier or speak in “baby language”, then a teenager “draws” the attention of loved ones to himself in a different way. “Katya happily fusses with her brother, but our relationship with her has completely gone wrong: she is rude, throws hysterics, and yesterday she left home without warning,” complains the mother of a 14-year-old girl. Frustrated by the lack of “understanding” on the part of the “big” child, parents become irritated, make even more exaggerated demands and... arose vicious circle, when the first-born most often makes a subconscious conclusion: “They want too much from me.”

Resentment towards parents can live in the soul of the first child all his life. More than anyone else, it is important for the first-born to realize his negative experiences, internally reconcile with the past and learn to “be his own parent” - to find his own support. Many adult first-born children are faced with the task of learning not only to earn love, but also to receive it “just like that,” and also to “make friends” with a sense of security.

As you know, it is the first child who is literally bombarded with a barrage of various, often contradictory, educational measures - hence emotional instability and an “adult” tendency to rush from one extreme to another.

Much has been said and written about how to make it easier for a first-born child to transition into the role of an older child.. This includes the creation of personal space (even if it’s just a corner, a shelf in the closet, boxes for “secret little things”), a must tactile contact, exclusion of notations on the topic “well, you’re the eldest.” The child does not choose the role of an elder, and therefore any claims against him are meaningless and even cruel.

The worst thing is when the older one is automatically made a nanny, “after the birth” of a brother or sister, and “without the right to rest.” One woman recalled with a shudder how she, eight years old, was not accepted into the game by her peers because her younger two-year-old sister was “forever” assigned to her. “I just hated her, I pinched her on the sly and tripped her up so that I could bring her crying to my mother and say that I couldn’t cope.”

To regain the love of their parents, older children sometimes identify with a parent of the same sex and take on some of the parental functions. (Therefore, older children are more responsible and powerful, and this also explains the fact, noticed by Adler’s followers, that older children more often continue family traditions.) You can play on this inclination by offering the first-born the role not of a “servant”, but of a “partner”, an assistant in raising the younger one, not forgetting at the same time that he - at any age - remains a child who needs a share of individual parental attention and leniency.

My eight-year-old daughter is the eldest of three children, and sometimes I have to “slow down” the demands placed on her. Perceiving her willy-nilly as “big”, I sometimes expect completely adult behavior... until I remember or see with my own eyes that many of her peers - the youngest or only children in their families - are perceived as little ones.

But the most important thing, perhaps, is to allow the elder to express and openly express his feelings. The ban on expressing “bad” emotions, such as dissatisfaction, resentment, disappointment, is one of the worst “gifts” that first-born children receive from adults.

Second child: in the still waters... or the golden mean?
The second child does not experience that situation of “universal admiration” that his older brother or sister yearns for; from the first months of life, he discovers a world in which adults divide their attention, love and care between him and the elder. At first, a brother or sister is nothing more interesting to a baby than a bright (and also loud!) rattle. Interest in the elder increases sharply after six months, and then adoration is born. A brother or sister throws a ball so deftly, runs so fast, jumps so high... However, this love, as we know, often remains unrequited.

First hand. The second child is set the pace from the very beginning by his older brother or elder sister: the situation stimulates him to break the records of his “rival”. Thanks to this, he often develops faster than the older child. For example, the second child may begin to talk or walk earlier than the first. “He behaves as if he were racing, and if anyone gets a couple of steps ahead, he will rush to get ahead of him. He always rushes at full speed,” said A. Adler.

The difference from the “elder strategy” here is that the firstborn strives to find the “lost unconditional love» from the side Big Figures(in childhood - parents, and later - significant people), and the second child is busy competing in his pure form, in its “weight category”. Adler (who, by the way, was the second child in the family) believed that the average child can set unreasonably high goals for himself, which actually increases the likelihood of failure.

The second, but not the last, child in the family is both the eldest and the youngest, and therefore can exhibit the traits of both the eldest and the youngest, and even unimaginable combinations of them. In order to be noticed and get his place in the family, the “middle man” is able to play the role of both “big” and “small” - depending on the circumstances.

The pitfall in raising a middle child is that the focus is usually on the older child. For example, he is the first to become a schoolchild) and the youngest (as the most helpless). The middle child (if this is not the only girl or boy in the triad) may experience the feeling that he "no", and - depending on the basic psychotype - l because to wallow in a feeling of imaginary “inferiority”, or attract attention bad behavior , all sorts of annoying, obsessive habits, or with redoubled energy to fight for their place in the sun, competing with a brother or sister.

My middle child Sasha is by nature more inclined to the first, pessimistic strategy. Until recently, to any question from the “Do you want to try?..” series, he invariably answered: “I won’t succeed,” “I can’t,” “I won’t.” I try to help him gain a sense of confidence - I involve him more in those activities that he likes, emphasize his achievements and skills and, of course, talk a lot about how good and loved he is - exactly him!

Unlike firstborns, who are immersed in internal experiences, second children are more often socially oriented and open to the world. But I came across an exception to the rule - Sasha is much more introverted than his older sister.

In his case, individual, genetic inclinations “outweighed” everything social conditions, including those determined by birth order. Some researchers believe that middle children initially learn to get along with everyone, becoming friendly and tactful towards others. On the other hand, if we proceed from A. Adler’s concept, which explains the effect of birth order as a struggle for power, middle children may exhibit opposite, aggressive (“aggressive”) qualities. In a large (more than three children) family, the second-born has a better chance of growing up sociable, flexible, and able to get along with others.

Both the “pessimistic” and the “competitive” second child must be taught to evaluate himself in comparison with himself in the past (he couldn’t do it before, but now he has learned), and not exclusively in comparison with his brother or sister. In this sense, if the “I” of the first-born is often painfully hypertrophied, then the second child needs to strengthen personal boundaries and personal space. From the mouths of middle children you can often hear: “It was difficult for me to find a place in my family, and now I feel “out of place” even among friends.”

Youngest child: “family favorite” and cunning
Until recently, families with three children were very rare, but in last years There are more and more of them, and the children are almost the same age. On the other hand, it happens that the parents of two grown-up children attend the birth of their third child. My friend was the mother of one girl for a long time, and then, to the joy of all relatives, she gave birth to one after another... two more beauties.

Since in most families with a third child he remains the youngest, in today’s conversation we will put symbol equality between the positions of the third and last.

The key point to understanding the individuality of the youngest child, in my opinion, is that he finds himself in a formed system, where the parents have an established view of upbringing, and they do not rush from one extreme to another. This predisposes the younger child to be emotionally stable.

First hand. According to Adler, the position last child Uniquely, he never experiences the shock of being “dethroned” and, being the “baby” or “darling” of the family, is often surrounded by care and attention from not only his parents, but, as happens in large families, older brothers and sisters.

Secondly, if the parents have limited funds, he has practically nothing of his own, and he has to use the things of other family members - hence the lack of a sense of independence.

Third, youngest child grows up in an environment where the “big” older children have privileges and set the tone. On this basis, the younger one may develop a feeling of inferiority and high motivation to surpass the elders. Adler spoke of the "struggling youngest child" as a possible future revolutionary.

Having matured, the youngest child knows how to accept other people's patronage, help, and support. The life of the “littlest” is focused on people and relationships with people - he has a good sense of all the subtleties of communication and knows how to win over those around him.

“The younger Akhmed is carefree incarnate,” says my friend Olya. “The child is a gift, affectionate, cheerful.” And at the same time, he notes a “problematic” (in general, typical) trait of the youngest six-year-old - the masterly ability to “turn the arrows” and get rid of himself when everyone has done something wrong, but, as you know, it ends up with the elders. “One day I returned home... and found complete destruction,” says Olya. “Not only did we play all the games at the same time, then draw on the carpet with paints (jars from all the numerous sets of gouache and watercolors were opened - it’s such a walk!), but they also quarreled and fought. In the heat of an educational conversation, I notice that someone is missing. That’s right, Ahmed, who quietly retreated to his room and sits there with an absolutely angelic expression on his face. And I just can’t bring myself to scold him.”

Usually, the youngest in the family are assigned fewer responsibilities - but behavioral stereotypes are formed in childhood. And parents, as a rule, are less demanding of the achievements of the youngest child, so his “weak link,” along with the feeling “I can get away with anything,” is the lack of internal discipline and relative permissiveness.

So it turns out that some continue to play the role of the “little one” all their lives. In this case, if he is not given it for free, then “the world is unfair,” and all calls for decisive action (whether from colleagues, friends or relatives) cause a flurry of grievances and discontent.

Younger children who grow up in unfavorable environments can spend their whole lives struggling with internal feelings of inferiority (“I’m not taken seriously, I’m the odd one out”) and trying to prove that they really matter—sometimes leading to completely unpredictable actions.

The only one: the darling of fate, or Monomakh’s hat is heavy
Families in which an only child grows up have long become a sign of our time. At the same time, you can hear absolutely opposite judgments about the fate of such a child: from “the position of the youngest in the family is always extremely advantageous” to “the status of the only one threatens the child with disadvantage.” And although it is obvious that a “single child” is completely different from the person who grew up in a large family, let us remember that in life, in addition to black and white, there are many half-tones.

First hand. Adler believed that the position of an only child was unique because he did not have to compete with his siblings. It often leads the only child into intense rivalry with his father. He has been under his mother's control for too long and too much and expects the same protection and care from others. Main feature This lifestyle becomes dependent and self-centered.

For the development of the psyche, each person needs not only physical, but also mental space, periodic dialogue with the outside world “tete-a-tete”. At first these are simply periods of contemplation and internal work, and then - searching for a solution in difficult and unfamiliar situations without parental support. An only child is often deprived of this freedom necessary for development: at the slightest difficulty he instantly keeps up “ ambulance"adult. I know families in which their only children are literally “learned to be helpless,” carefully protecting their grandmothers and nannies with the Chinese Wall from worries and worries, from building “horizontal” relationships with peers (including conflicts). This is how adults cultivate an attitude towards the child as “the youngest and weakest in the family.”

The only child the right approach can get great benefits- if the parents treat him according to his age, letting him go in time, allowing him to communicate, make friends and sort things out with peers and building really healthy, close relationships. Typically, single children are more skilled in relationships with adults and are able to quickly—much faster than with their peers—find relationships with them. mutual language. Positive examples I constantly keep relationships with my only children “in my mind,” trying to treat my sons and daughters not only as “ small group“, but also to build a separate line of relationship with each of them, give them my personal attention and emphasize their importance to me.

An only child is deprived of the opportunity to play the role of “teacher” and “elder” for his younger brothers and sisters, so among his friends there should be not only peers, but also kids with whom he will feel like an adult, smart, strong, caring. By the way, this is also necessary for younger children, and this was one of the arguments why of the two options - the youngest in younger group kindergarten or the eldest in the nursery - for my Vanya I chose the second.

Parents of an only child are faced with a dangerous temptation - to realize in their son or daughter their own unfulfilled desires or ideas about an ideal heir, for example, to insist on choosing a profession. “I studied at the pedagogical institute for six years with disgust, as my mother, who herself had been a teacher all her life, wanted. Having not worked even a year, I realized that I couldn’t do it anymore, retrained as a programmer and now I just realized what it’s like to love your job,” such confessions are very common. More than any other child, however, an only child inherits the characteristics of its same-sex parent and a strong attachment to its parents. Then he becomes their successor and follower - but of his own free will.

Much has also been written about raising an only child, as well as about the firstborn.. The main thing is to remove the burden of inflated expectations and demands from the child and not cultivate an “excellent student complex.” Forget forever the phrase “you did not live up to my hopes” and let him choose for himself: friends, hobbies and hobbies, and subsequently a profession and a life partner... An only child can become a skilled manipulator, so he must see that parental tactics towards him are unambiguous, and in general they have their own, adult world, other interests in life that do not concern him.
Returning to the imaginary puzzle, it should be noted that the part conventionally called “birth order” cannot be added full picture and you can’t even make out the drawing. But still this angle of view will give us useful information and sometimes it will help answer pressing questions: why do we experience these particular feelings or behave this way in relationships with others.

There are no hard scenarios in life
It happens that the qualities of children, supposedly determined by birth order, are literally “invented” by adults. Let me give you an example. People often ask about twins which of them was born first, and they look for typical characteristics of the elder and the younger in children whose birth is separated not by years, but by minutes. What's amazing is that sometimes they find it. And then the subconscious strengthening of imaginary characteristics by close adults begins. “Parents, like everyone else around them, expect twins to behave in accordance with traditional ideas about birth order; as a result, children begin to live up to these expectations,” writes one twin researcher.

If the age difference between children is more than 5-6 years, each of them will approach in its characteristics to only child. I know a woman who has three sons. One of them is my age, the second is ten years younger, and the third was born a year earlier than my daughter. All of them were more “only” in the family than the eldest, middle and youngest children. I mentioned my friend, the mother of three girls. Her eldest daughter is a typical “only”, which is what she was until she was 14 years old. The middle one plays the role of the eldest in the dyad of babies, and only the youngest “fits” into the standard classification.

Thus, the order of birth in the family can be called the roles (eldest, youngest, only) that are given to us by life. Everyone has their own “scenario” and “scenery”. We are deprived of choice of role, but performance can only be individual.

Magazine "Family World" November 2006 Olga Bogoslovskaya "About personal"

Subscribe to project news

The amount of the standard deduction for a child depends on the type of account this child is in the family (clause 4, clause 1, article 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation). However, the Tax Code of the Russian Federation does not provide special rules such a calculation.

Meanwhile, according to the Ministry of Finance of Russia, in order to determine what type of child is (first, second, third, etc.), it is necessary to take into account the total number of children of the taxpayer, including those who have reached the age when the deduction is no longer provided (18 years or 24 years). Thus, the first child is the oldest child of all the taxpayer’s children (Letters dated 02/26/2013 N 03-04-05/8-133 (clause 2), dated 11/08/2012 N 03-04-05/8-1257 , dated 08/23/2012 N 03-04-05/8-995, dated 03/15/2012 N 03-04-05/8-302, dated 02/14/2012 N 03-04-05/8-179, dated 02/10/2012 N 03-04-06/8-32, dated 02/10/2012 N 03-04-05/8-166, dated 02/10/2012 N 03-04-05/8-146, dated 01/11/2012 N 03-04- 06/8-2, dated 12/27/2011 N 03-04-06/8-361, dated 12/26/2011 N 03-04-06/8-357, dated 12/23/2011 N 03-04-08/8-230 , dated 16.12.2011 N 03-04-05/8-1051, dated 08.12.2011 N 03-04-05/8-1014, Federal Tax Service of Russia dated 05.05.2012 N ED-2-3/326@, dated 24.01. 2012 N ED-3-3/185@).

For example, M.A. Stepanova has three children. The eldest son is 26 years old, so there is no deduction for him (paragraph 12, paragraph 4, paragraph 1, article 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation). The youngest son and daughter are 15 and 13 years old, respectively. Because the younger son is the second child, a deduction for him is provided in the amount of 1,400 rubles. (paragraph 9, paragraph 4, paragraph 1, article 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation). The deduction for the daughter will be 3,000 rubles, since she is M.A.’s third child. Stepanova (paragraph 10, paragraph 4, paragraph 1, article 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation).

According to the financial department, when determining the total number of children and the chronology of their birth, the following are also taken into account:

• ward children (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 04/03/2012 N 03-04-06/8-96 (clause 4)). However, it is worth remembering that after the taxpayer loses the status of a trustee, it is impossible to take into account wards when determining the number of children for the purposes of providing him with standard deductions for personal income tax (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated December 16, 2014 N 03-04-05/64994);
• deceased children (Letters of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 10/09/2012 N 03-04-05/8-1162, dated 02/10/2012 N 03-04-06/8-29 (clause 1), dated 02/10/2012 N 03-04- 06/8-33 (clause 3), dated 02/10/2012 N 03-04-05/8-165, dated 01/19/2012 N 03-04-06/8-10 (clause 1), dated 12/29/2011 N 03-04-05/8-1124);
• non-adopted children of a spouse from another marriage (Letters of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 03/27/2012 N 03-04-05/8-392, dated 02/21/2012 N 03-04-05/8-209, dated 02/13/2012 N 03-04-05 /8-169). The order of children in this case is also determined by their dates of birth (Letters of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 04/03/2012 N 03-04-06/8-96 (clause 1), dated 04/10/2012 N 03-04-05/8-469, dated 04/02/2012 N 03-04-05/8-402). Moreover, the non-adopted children of the spouse from another marriage are taken into account, for whom the deduction is not provided (in particular, because they have reached the age of 18) (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated March 15, 2012 N 03-04-05/8-302). The right to a deduction for such children does not depend on the fact that their natural parents take part in providing for them, who also receive a standard deduction for these children (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 04/03/2012 N 03-04-06/8-96 (clause 2 )).

For example, V.S. Makarova, who has two children from her first marriage (14 and 10 years old), married a second time and gave birth to a third child. All children live with V.S. Makarova and her second husband N.P. Semenov and are supported by them. Children of V.S. Makarova were not adopted by N.P. Semenov. Their father pays V.S. Makarova alimony, i.e. participates in providing for children and receives a deduction for them.

N.P. Semenov also has a child from previous marriage(26 years old), who is not adopted by V.S. Makarova.

We will determine the number of children in the family for the purpose of receiving a deduction for each spouse, as well as the amount of such a deduction.

Let's also consider a situation where the parents are not in a registered marriage, but have children from previous marriages. For the purpose of obtaining a deduction, each of them takes into account only their own children (Letters of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 03/20/2012 N 03-04-08/8-52, Federal Tax Service of Russia dated 04/05/2012 N ED-4-3/5715@).

For example, M.Yu. Medvedev and N.V. Novikova is common child 4 years, but they are not in a registered marriage. In addition, M.Yu. Medvedev has two children from a previous marriage (10 and 12 years old), for whom he pays alimony.

M.Yu. Medvedev has the right to receive a deduction only for his children in the following amounts:

• for the first child (12 years old) - 1400 rubles;
• for the second child (10 years old) - 1400 rubles;
• for the third child (4 years old) - 3000 rubles.

N.V. Novikova has the right to receive a deduction only in common with M.Yu. Medvedev for a 4-year-old child in the amount of 1,400 rubles, since it is her first.

We have sad news for everyone younger children. Scientists were able to confirm the assumption that had been hovering among teachers for for long years. It turns out that birth order is directly related to a child's intelligence.

Three large national studies conducted in the USA, Great Britain and Germany found that the youngest siblings in families tend to have more low performance IQ. Scientists have found that the decline in intelligence level occurs gradually - from the first-born in the family to the second child and so on, in descending order. In other words, each subsequent baby risks being born less intelligent.

"Birth order effect"

In total, more than 20 thousand people with brothers and sisters took part in these studies. Starting with the first-born child, scientists have found compelling evidence of a “birth order effect” that directly affects intelligence. The researchers also put forward a number of assumptions to explain this pattern.

Reasons behind the pattern

The birth of a first child is the most important and comprehensive experience for parents. Mom and dad give the baby undivided attention, affection and care. Each subsequent child comes into this world with the least psycho-emotional and time costs for parents. Agree that the more children in the family, the less attention goes to every member of the family.

As a rule, much more demands are placed on first-born children. Parents certainly want their children to succeed in academic subjects. When each subsequent child is born, the requirements are reduced, and in return comes freedom of choice and self-determination.

The following hypothesis eloquently points to the hierarchy in the family. Parents seem to be abdicating their authority to teach their youngest children the rules of life and shifting this responsibility to their older offspring. This is especially noticeable in families where between children a big difference aged. Thus, firstborns take on a unique instructional experience that improves cognitive abilities and mental preparation.

In conclusion, we present to your attention the theory of one of the co-authors of the study, Julie Rohrer: “Parents’ genetic resources can be depleted, so each subsequent child can only become a worse copy of an older brother or sister.”

At first glance, it seems that it does not matter what kind of child is born into the family. But this is only at first glance. From that to Which child is in the family - the eldest, middle, youngest or only - depends on his character, behavior, choice of profession, style of friendship and success, choice of the other half and method of raising his children. In a word - the future as a whole.

A big difference

Many psychologists have studied this issue carefully over several decades and have come to the conclusion that people whose birth order is the same have similar psychological characteristics and exhibit similar behavior patterns.For example, why do we easily find with some people common topics, but we don’t know what to talk about with others?

You will be surprised when you analyze your friends and buddies: most likely, most of them belong to the same “ordinal number” at birth as you. If you are the eldest child, then people who were also eldest in the family will always be more understandable and pleasant to you.

Observing children in families, the question often arises: how could such different children be born and raised by the same parents? Except , , heredity, each of us is influenced by what kind of account in the family he was born.By birth order All of us can be divided into four groups: firstborn (the oldest child in the family), middle child, youngest child, only child.

Firstborn

Long-term research shows that first-born children are much more persistent in achieving their goals than children born after them. Older children are often characterized by perfectionism - they do everything correctly and excellently (or strive for this), they are more responsible and organized. And their undoubted advantages include consciousness, organization, and seriousness. On the other hand, they are difficult to manage, they are natural leaders, they are critical in their assessments and judgments. At the same time, they are easy to learn, love computers and do not like surprises.

It is not surprising that with such a set of starting conditions, it is the first children in the family who, growing up, achieve best results. And recent studies by Norwegian neurophysiologists have revealed amazing fact: the first children have an IQ higher than the rest of the children in the family, on average by 3 points. And in adult life Firstborns earn more by at least 1%.
Of course, this rule has caveats. More about them a little later.

Statistics have proven the rule of the firstborn: high positions and influential positions are very often occupied by older children. They choose areas such as science, medicine, and law. In addition, there are many older children among architects, computer systems engineers, accountants, executive secretaries - in areas where structure and order are valued and require scrupulousness, responsibility, compliance with regulations, concentration, precision and boundless dedication to the task. According to statistics, among pioneers, for example, astronauts, the majority are older children.
ADVICE FOR PARENTS. Older children are prone to anxiety and fears of not meeting their parents' expectations. It is difficult for them to relax and learn to enjoy life. The task of parents is to teach the older child to understand the body’s needs for rest, to see the beauty of the world around him and to have the right to make mistakes. The main need of such a child is unconditional parental love. No need to burden the elder excessive care about the younger ones - after all, he is also a child, do not deprive him of carefree childhood joys.

Average in the family

Middle children (they have older and younger sisters and brothers) are very sociable and diplomatic. They prefer to avoid conflicts and are willing to compromise. They are happy to play the role of mediators, get along well with their peers and at the same time remain independent individualists. They combine incompatible things: they have many friends, but at the same time they tend to be secretive. And they are very difficult to upset, but they can rebel and openly protest.

The middle child is the opposite of the eldest. No signs of precision or accuracy. Their classic trait is wanderlust. Growing up, the average ones are usually the first to leave the parental home and begin independent adult swimming. At home they feel like they are “out of place”, so their real friends are often outside. family circle. And all because the middle child is, as it were, in the middle - between the eldest and the youngest. And he doesn't feel truly unique.
ADVICE FOR PARENTS. Don't compare your middle child to anyone else. the main task- closely monitor the successes of the “average” and be sure to note its peculiarity and exclusivity. In the future, this will help avoid such typical problems for average children as suggestibility. They often follow the lead of others’ points of view, without having the strength and skills to defend their own.
But this description of the middle child does not always hit the mark. The first exception is “forced firstborn”: if a child was not the first born in the family, but the first of his gender, he will exhibit the traits of a firstborn. If you have a son, and the older children are all daughters, then the son will certainly, along with the traits of the middle child, also display a number of traits of the firstborn. The same rule applies to girls.

Jr

Younger children are cute charmers who love to be the center of attention and love surprises. They are sociable, precocious and easily combine different situations in their own favor, they like to blame others for everything. Capable of manipulation and various “cunning” actions. They are enterprising, charming and impressionable.
Younger children are very perceptive and constantly compare themselves with older ones, who know and are more capable due to their age. They try to attract attention to themselves and prove their worth by any means, often very cunning and unobvious, because they have to compete with older children and their achievements. What they cannot compensate for with achievements, they compensate for with harmfulness and...humor. Comedians always attract attention, and the younger ones quickly learn this and begin to entertain those around them. They are quite capable of driving teachers crazy with their pranks.

Among the “younger ones” there are many comedians, cartoon creators, inventors of children's attractions, and satirical writers.
Second exception " thumb": age difference. If the difference between children is 5-7 years, then the youngest child begins to “ new family” and exhibits the traits of a first-born. Such children perfectly combine the cheerfulness, carelessness and charm of the younger ones with the persistence and drive of the first-born. Such children are able to achieve their goals and move towards their dreams.
ADVICE FOR PARENTS. INbehavior with a younger child, it is important to teach him to make decisions independently, because he grows up in an environment where there is always someone older nearby who will help him figure it out and take care.

The one and only

Only children in a family are a special category. The traits of first-born children are complemented by precocious independence: at about seven years old, such children behave in a reasonable adult manner. They are cautious and fearful, they like to think things through and get their way. Their world is contrasting, black and white, they are harsh in their judgments and demanding of themselves. They are very afraid of making mistakes, they read a lot and use the words “exactly”, “too”, “very” in their speech. They are more comfortable with older people or with younger people, but not with their peers.
The third "big gap" exception: if the age difference between the children is 7 years or more, the younger child will exhibit a number of only-child characteristics.
ADVICE FOR PARENTS. Be sure to teach your child to hear other opinions. After all, only children are often the center of the family, and they do not have the opportunity to “practice” different styles communication, they do not need to build relationships with elders, juniors and take into account the interests of others.

How do you know who is senior, middle or junior?

First-born and only children in adult life they look special: neat hair-to-hair hairstyle, carefully and according to the rules selected clothes, well-groomed appearance. 9 out of 10 are the firstborn or only child.
Middle children in adult life it is difficult to “calculate”. Because they grew up between elders and younger ones, they diluted their bright individual traits. And in return, they acquired excellent communication skills, because from childhood they had to learn to get along with both younger and older people.
Younger children Having become adults, they are distinguished by cheerfulness and a lighter, naive attitude towards life. And even if work wears serious character, childishness “breaks through” out.

Family relationships directly depend on the order of birth, and understanding the characteristics of each of us can improve these relationships and provide answers to the questions: why are we so different in the same family. It all starts with family and family tree- not an empty phrase.

Each of us has our own place on this tree. The closest relationships you can build with anyone in life are relationships within your family. Life in a family is an invaluable and unique experience, and family ties are the strongest. Whether we like it or not, we are inextricably linked with our parents, brothers and sisters. After all, we have known them since birth.
(This article uses materials from Kevin Lehman’s book “Birth Order”).

Be sure to find out.

The date of compilation of the digest is 10/08/2012.

A deduction for a child is provided to each parent until his income, calculated cumulatively from the beginning of the year, reaches 280,000 rubles. Before providing a deduction, the accountant must study the documents submitted by the employee and verify the number and sequence of children of each parent. Children are not always born in the same marriage, and therefore their number and order between husband and wife may not coincide. Moreover, it is not necessary to be a registered husband and wife to receive deductions; it is enough to simply have children together. And the number of children of each parent is important, since from January 1, 2012, the deduction for the third and subsequent child is 3,000 rubles, while for the first and second child - 1,400 rubles. Sometimes parents decide that only one of the spouses, for example the father, will receive mom's and dad's deductions. In order for an organization to correctly provide such deductions to its employees, in this issue we have prepared answers to questions related to various situations.

In this issue you will learn:
1. Why the amounts of deductions for parents for the same child may differ.
2. What documents to require from an employee applying for a deduction.
3. In what cases can a double deduction not be provided?
4. How to “redistribute” the deduction between spouses and more.

1. The procedure for providing tax deductions for children
1.1. In what order is the order of children determined: chronologically by date of birth or depending on whether standard personal income tax deductions are provided for them?
A tax deduction is made for each child under the age of 18, as well as for each full-time student, graduate student, resident, intern, student, cadet under the age of 24. When determining the applicable standard size tax deduction the total number of children is taken into account, that is, the first child is the oldest child, regardless of whether a deduction is provided for him. In this case, the order of children is determined in chronological order by date of birth.
Question: An employee of the organization has three children aged 19 (works), 12 and 7 years old. In accordance with Federal Law of November 21, 2011 N 330-FZ, which came into force on November 22, 2011 and extends its effect to legal relations that arose from January 1, 2011 in terms of providing a standard tax deduction for the third and subsequent children, as well as for children disabled people, the deduction amount is 3000 rubles. How to use this norm: determine the order of children in chronological order by date of birth or depending on whether a standard personal income tax deduction is provided for them? ("Explanations of executive authorities on the conduct of financial and economic activities in commercial organizations", 2012, N 2) (ConsultantPlus)
Question: About the procedure for providing and the amount of the standard personal income tax deduction for children for parents with one child and many children. (Letter of the Federal Tax Service of Russia dated 05/05/2012 N ED-2-3/326@) (ConsultantPlus)

1.2. Is a standard personal income tax deduction provided for a third child in the amount of 3,000 rubles if the first two children are already adults (they are over 24 years old) and standard personal income tax deductions are not provided for them? Is such a child considered the third in line of children or is he provided with a standard personal income tax deduction as for the first child supported by his parents?
A taxpayer who is the parent of three children, for two of whom standard tax deductions are no longer provided, has the right to receive a deduction for the third child for each month of the tax period in the amount of 3,000 rubles from 01/01/2012.
Question: Is a standard personal income tax deduction available for the third child in the amount of 3,000 rubles if the first two children are already adults (over 24 years of age) and the standard personal income tax deduction is not provided for them? Is such a child considered the third in line of children or is he provided with a standard personal income tax deduction as for the first child supported by his parents? (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of the Russian Federation dated February 10, 2012 N 03-04-05/8-146) (ConsultantPlus)

1.3. Does the wife have the right to a deduction of 3,000 rubles? per child, if the husband has two children from his first marriage, their birth mother by court decision, he pays alimony, and the children themselves live with their father in this family and are supported. At the same time, the marriage was registered, and a common child was born from this marriage. For the husband's older children, the wife was provided with deductions when they were studying full-time in educational institutions.
A taxpayer who is a parent of a child has the right to receive a standard tax deduction for a third child in the amount of RUB 3,000. for each month of the tax period, since when determining the priority, the spouse’s two children from his first marriage are also taken into account.
Question: ...About the procedure for providing a standard tax deduction for personal income tax in accordance with paragraphs. 4 paragraphs 1 art. 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation as amended by Federal Law No. 330-FZ of November 21, 2011. (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of the Russian Federation dated January 19, 2012 N 03-04-06/8-10) (ConsultantPlus)

1.4. When determining the order of children for establishing the amount of the standard tax deduction, are supervised children also taken into account in chronological order by date of birth? For example, a woman is the mother of three children born in 2002, 2004 and 2008. She is also recognized as the guardian of a child born in 2003. Is it legal in in this case consider that the supervised child is the second one to determine the amount of the standard tax deduction?
When determining the order of children to establish the size of the standard tax deduction, the total number of children, including wards, is taken into account in chronological order by date of birth, that is, the first child is the oldest child, regardless of whether he is a ward or his own. The document confirming the date of birth of the child is the child’s birth certificate, submitted by the taxpayer to the tax agent. According to Art. 23 Federal Law dated November 15, 1997 N 143-FZ “On Acts of Civil Status” (hereinafter referred to as Federal Law N 143-FZ), this certificate contains, in particular, information about the date and place of birth of the child.

1.5. What is the procedure for providing a standard personal income tax deduction if the first child is 27 years old, the second child has died, and the third child is 13 years old?
A taxpayer who is a parent of three children (including a child who died) has the right, from January 1, 2012, to receive a standard tax deduction for the third child for each month of the tax period in the amount of RUB 3,000.
Question: ...1. What is the procedure for providing a standard personal income tax deduction to a taxpayer who supports three children, of which the third is a disabled child? 2. In what order is a standard personal income tax deduction provided to a taxpayer who is in a second marriage, has two (three) children from a previous marriage and pays (or does not pay) alimony for their maintenance? 3. Are children who have died taken into account when determining the applicable amount of the standard personal income tax deduction? (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of the Russian Federation dated February 10, 2012 N 03-04-06/8-33) (ConsultantPlus)
Question: The taxpayer supports two minor children. Moreover, earlier (before the birth of these children) the taxpayer had a stillborn child. In order to provide standard tax deductions established by paragraphs. 4 paragraphs 1 art. 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation, what kind of living children will be considered and in what amount will the corresponding deduction be provided in 2012? (Expert consultation, 2012) (ConsultantPlus)

1.6. What is the procedure for providing a standard personal income tax deduction to a taxpayer who supports three children, the third of whom is disabled?
When providing a standard tax deduction to a taxpayer who supports three children, the third of whom is disabled, the tax deductions for the third child and the disabled child are not summed up. In this case, a special rule is applied that establishes a tax deduction for a disabled child in the amount of 3,000 rubles, regardless of his account status. Therefore, if a disabled child were the first, the amount of the deduction would be the same (3,000 rubles).
Question: An individual has three children, the third is disabled since childhood. An individual received a standard personal income tax deduction in the amount of 4,000 rubles. (1000 + 1000 + 2000), since in relation to a disabled child the specified deduction was provided in double size. According to changes made in Art. 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation from January 1, 2011, the standard tax deduction for personal income tax for the third child is provided in the amount of 3,000 rubles. In what amount is an individual entitled to receive a standard personal income tax deduction for a disabled child? (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of the Russian Federation dated February 14, 2012 N 03-04-05/8-178) (ConsultantPlus)

1.7. On what basis should children be considered first, second, third if there are three children of the same birth date in a family?
According to Art. 23 of Federal Law N 143-FZ, the child’s birth certificate contains the date of compilation and the registration number of the birth act. In paragraph 2 of Art. 22 of this Law determines that in the event of the birth of twins or more children at the same time, a birth certificate record is drawn up for each child, indicating the sequence of birth of the children. In the case of state registration of the birth of twins or more children, information about the children is entered into the registration form in the sequence corresponding to the sequence of birth of the children. At the same time, in column 7 “Number of children born (one, twins or more children)” the number of children born is indicated in words, and it is also noted how the child was born (clause 21 of the Rules for filling out civil registration forms and state registration certificate forms acts of civil status approved by Decree of the Government of the Russian Federation of April 17, 1999 N 432). Consequently, in the situation under consideration, the chronological order of birth of children will correspond to the sequence of serial numbers of birth records contained in birth certificates.
Question: An individual is the father of three children: the first child is a school student aged 17, the second and third are twins aged 12, one of whom is a disabled child. In this situation, it is impossible to determine who is the second child of the twins, since they have the same date of birth. The standard tax deduction is possible in two versions: 1000 + 1000 + 3000 = 5000 rubles; 1000 + 3000 + 3000 = 7000 rub. How much can an individual receive a standard personal income tax deduction? (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of the Russian Federation dated December 21, 2011 N 03-04-05/8-1075) (ConsultantPlus)

2. What documents are required to receive a “children’s” personal income tax deduction for a spouse’s child?
2.1. What documents must be submitted to the spouse in order to receive a standard personal income tax deduction for the spouse’s child in the following situation: native child the spouses live together with the spouses (the marriage is registered), while the spouse is neither the natural father of the child nor his guardian (the child is not adopted). The child wears maiden name mother. There is a dash in the “Father” column on the child’s birth certificate. The spouses have common children born in marriage in 2008 and 2010. According to the certificate large family the husband is the father, the wife is the mother, and they support three children.
If a spouse's child lives together with the spouse, regardless of his adoption, a standard tax deduction can be provided to the spouse who provides support for the child. Documents confirming the right to receive a standard tax deduction for a child can be, in particular, a copy of the child’s birth certificate, a copy of the passport (with a note on the registration of marriage between the parents) or a marriage registration certificate, a certificate from the housing and communal services about the child’s cohabitation with the parent (parents), the parent’s spouse, the parent’s statement on the spouse’s participation in providing for the child.
Question: Is a spouse entitled to receive a standard personal income tax deduction for adopted children if the adoptive parent certificate is issued to the spouse? What documents are required to receive a standard personal income tax deduction for adopted children in this case? (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 04/06/2012 N 03-04-05/8-465) (ConsultantPlus)

2.2. The employee is registered and lives at the address indicated in the family composition certificate at the employee’s place of residence; his wife and child actually live with him, but they are registered at a different address. What documents can confirm that the wife and child actually live together with the employee and the child is supported by both parents?
If a child actually lives with his parents and is supported by them, then regardless of the child’s registration at the place of residence of one of the parents, both parents have the right to receive a standard tax deduction. Documents confirming such a right may be, in particular, a copy of the child’s birth certificate, a copy of the passport (with a note on the registration of marriage between the parents) or a marriage registration certificate, a certificate from educational institution that the child is a student. Fact cohabitation a child with a parent can be confirmed by a certificate from the place of residence of the relevant housing maintenance organization (Unified Information and Settlement Center), or a certificate from a homeowners’ association, housing or housing construction cooperative, or a certificate from a city, town or village administration (such a certificate can be issued to the employee if he actually pays utility bills for the child and wife who actually live with him). In addition, this fact can be established in judicial procedure.
Question: When applying for a job, an employee for the purpose of receiving a standard tax deduction for personal income tax established by paragraphs. 4 paragraphs 1 art. 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation, presented the following documents: 1) marriage certificate; 2) the child’s birth certificate; 3) certificate from educational institution(Full-time education); 4) a certificate of family composition at the employee’s place of residence, in which the wife and child are not indicated. The wife and child actually live with this employee, but they are registered at a different address. No documents confirming their cohabitation were presented. Is an employee entitled to receive a standard personal income tax deduction? What supporting documents are needed in this case? (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 04/02/2012 N 03-04-05/8-401) (ConsultantPlus)

2.3. What documents must a spouse submit to the employer to receive standard tax deductions for children if there are four children in the family, three of whom are the spouse’s children from a previous marriage, and one is a common child? The wife's three children are registered at the place of registration of the spouse and her ex-husband, and the common child - at the place of registration of the real husband. For three children ex-spouse pays alimony, for which there is a corresponding voluntary agreement. Does the second spouse have the right to receive tax deductions and what documents should he submit, taking into account the fact that the children are actually dependent on three citizens?
If three children of a spouse from the first marriage live together with the second spouse, standard tax deductions can be provided to the second spouse, who supports the children. Documents confirming the right of the second spouse to receive deductions for children can be, in particular, copies of the birth certificates of all four children, a copy of the passport (with a note about the registration of the marriage between the parents) or a marriage registration certificate. The documents confirming the fact of children living together with the mother’s spouse are discussed above.
Question: A woman has four children, three of them from her first husband, and one child from her second husband. The first child is 14 years old, the second is 10 years old, the third is 8 years old, and the fourth is 8 months old. Children from the first spouse live together with the second spouse, and they are registered at the place of residence of the first spouse. The first spouse pays alimony for the maintenance of three children. Both spouses work in the same organization, which denied the second spouse a standard personal income tax deduction. Who is eligible to receive a standard personal income tax deduction and what documents must be submitted? (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated 04/02/2012 N 03-04-05/8-402) (ConsultantPlus)

2.4. What documents confirm the right to receive standard tax deductions for personal income tax for a taxpayer who is in a second marriage, has two (three, etc.) children from a previous marriage and pays alimony for their maintenance?
If the marriage between the parents is dissolved, the second parent, who is in a second marriage and lives separately from the children, must submit copies of the children’s birth certificates and documents confirming the payment of alimony for the maintenance of minor children to confirm the right to receive tax deductions.
Question: ...The father of the child, who is an employee of the organization, pays child support and does not live with him. After the death of the child's mother, the grandmother, who lives with him, is appointed as the child's guardian. Is an employee of an organization entitled to receive a standard personal income tax deduction in double the amount for minor child according to paragraph. 13 pp. 4 paragraphs 1 art. 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation, subject to presentation following documents: child’s birth certificate; passports with a note on divorce from the child’s mother ( new marriage was not concluded); death certificate of the child's mother? (Letter of the Ministry of Finance of Russia dated July 19, 2012 N 03-04-06/8-206) (ConsultantPlus)
Question: A taxpayer pays alimony for the maintenance of a minor child. At the same time, the amount of alimony withheld by the organization from the employee’s income is lower than the amount established by law living wage for children. On this basis, the organization refused to provide the payer with a standard personal income tax deduction for a child. Is the organization's position correct? (Expert consultation, 2012) (ConsultantPlus)

3. Providing deductions for children when parents divorce

The documents presented in the digest are included in the ConsultantPlus System.