How teenagers behave in love with a girl. Psychological service - Dialogue with a psychologist - Teenage love
Let's talk about first love
We will not talk here once again about how old Juliet was, Romeo's chosen one, or Laura, who inspired Petrarch - there are also many similar examples in our national history and culture. Our business is to recognize the greatness and authenticity of this phenomenon, even if it is difficult for you, it is simply impossible to compare it with your awkward teenager, and even more so with his seemingly unromantic chosen one.
And here comes the key moment in the development of your subsequent relationship. To begin with, let's open the eyes of the child to the true appearance of the object of his feelings: “Yes, look at her (at him), is she (he) a couple for you?!...” and so on. We will immediately ban late returns, we will take all telephone conversations and all kinds of notes in our pockets under strict control: “We are parents, we must know everything!”
Rest assured, the effect will be exactly the opposite. Even if the object of love is really below all criticism, your child will begin to idolize him even more. And bans and eavesdropping - well, don't you know how inventive teenagers are in terms of all sorts of concealments.
The most significant thing that you “achieve” is that if your daughter or son really has problems, he will turn to you last or prefer not to turn at all, even if the situation is difficult.
What to do, how to behave properly with this beautiful and fragile object - the first love of your grown child?
First of all try to create and save trusting relationship with him. It is possible and necessary to ask about something, discuss something, because you really need to learn more about the situation and the object of love, but at the same time - no direct criticism, even if such criticism seems necessary to you. All talk is only about the merits of the chosen one (or the chosen one): “What do you especially like about her? What attracted you to her when you first met? Why do friends appreciate her? Such questions will not go unanswered. Show genuine interest in good qualities new girlfriend- and then, almost certainly, the teenager will tell you about her shortcomings, about her doubts and thoughts.
If we are talking about your daughter, it is, of course, especially important for you to know how far she has come in her new circumstances. But even in this case, questions “straight” can only do harm, because trusting relationships at such a moment are especially important. Screams, scandals, swearing - all this will only be harmful. Restrain yourself - in order to really regulate the situation. Try to talk to your daughter “in a theoretical way”: “And what is now considered correct among the youth? .. And how modern girl should do ... ”If you manage to establish such a conversation, and in a calm tone, then everything you hear will naturally relate directly to your daughter, and you will be able to find out something specific about her. Moreover, you will get the opportunity to object to her in some way and prove something, since it is as if we are not talking specifically about her.
You can approach the desired conversation in a different way: start talking, for example, about a friend who is not going well in her personal life or, on the contrary, everything is very good: “How is she doing now? And why do you think? ..” Sooner or later, such conversations will come to the personal problems of your daughter, and you will unmistakably determine this by the intensity of emotions. And here, too, comes the right moment for influence: under the guise of discussing the problems of a girlfriend, you can clarify something, explain, try to convince.
And the most important thing- convince the teenager that you are in no way judging him, but understand and accept his feelings. Let him know that you sympathize with his experiences and respect his condition. He will be grateful to you and, most likely, will try to "meet the trust."
You, for your part, must constantly remember that teenagers are especially vulnerable when they first feel it. In girls, this can be expressed in nervous sobs in response to any remark, while boys often become withdrawn and sullen. All this is normal and understandable. However, in the course of this crucial period, deviations are also possible that will require special attention from others, and sometimes correction with the involvement of a specialist. Here are some examples of such extremes.
A teenager lives with fictional feelings, completely immersed in a fictional fantasy world. He communicates with unreal people, lives with fictitious feelings, and gradually real world, not being compared with a fairy tale, fades into the background. In this case, a thorough examination by a specialist is necessary and sometimes a correction of the adolescent's attitudes.
Another example. A teenage girl can only think about boys and nothing else. Study - "on the side", friends and relatives - there too. However, no specific romance is observed. For hours, the girl puts on makeup, then wanders aimlessly through the streets with her girlfriends just like her. Such behavior, of course, cannot be called a mental deviation, but it has its dangers: firstly, very likely undesirable consequences, and secondly, at the same time, a simplification of emotional and intellectual needs, promiscuity and "lightness of feelings" is formed. The promiscuity of sexual relations is an undoubted reason for the anxiety of parents. But remember: very often to promiscuous connections a teenager is pushed by a lack of warmth and understanding in the family. Sometimes the cause is strained relationships with peers, lack of friendships. Finally, sometimes the promiscuity of sexual relations is a symptom mild degree mental retardation.
Strong emotions, a desire to gain respect for the “object of love”, arouse interest in oneself can push a teenager to use alcohol or drugs, and sometimes to commit any crimes or, for example, to join a sect. Moreover, all this is done not out of one's own conviction or desire, but solely in order to please, or because of simple imitation. On the part of parents, it is important not to waste time, while something can still be done by consulting with specialists.
Finally, an immediate appeal to a specialist is certainly necessary if the topic of suicide has appeared in teenage experiences. After all, any, the most stupid attempt to commit suicide can end in death - all parents and doctors need to remember this.
Causes and consequences of early falling in love
Is your child between 11 and 16 years old and experiencing first love? Has he become withdrawn, silent, have problems with studying? Maybe it's a strong emotional experience. We tried to figure out what parents should do, how to help their child.
For your child - the psychologist herself
The mother of 10-year-old Misha said that since the age of 2 he has been in love with the girl Katya, with whom, at his and her request, he was in the same class. “Now they are in the 4th grade, and because of this love, we started serious problems with studies, - says Natalya, - Katya, like most women, at the age of 10 has already learned to skillfully "powder her brains" at once to several. The son fell into depression, and all the problems began from this love !!! The boy's mother is upset that the girl simply plays with him, like a cat with a mouse. “Well, all women, to a greater or lesser extent, are like that, you see,” says my mother. - And he is 10 summer child, and still does not know about female deceit, takes at face value each of her “attacks”. After all, girls begin to develop earlier. She has already moved on to the next stage of the relationship, but he is still at the previous one.” "About studying was with him serious conversation- recalls Natalya. - She explained that if she doesn’t study, she will become a beggar on the street, and so it will be " tough guy”, and all the girls will be drawn to him. Hope that helps. I was very glad when, after this conversation, he improved his grades, but after the holidays and another Katya's "trick" he broke down again. In all other areas, he is active, cheerful, he has a lot of friends, everyone loves him, but with Katya, how to attack some kind! Misha and I talk a lot, since we have a very trusting relationship so far. I think that for my child I myself am a psychologist, and after several conversations, he calmed down a bit. And then we had exams ballroom dancing- an event that helped him look at it all from the other side. Once there, he saw how different his peers can be. And I see that it became easier for him, there were other priorities in life.
The story of one salvation
The author of these lines, being a 15-year-old girl, experienced severe depression due to love story. Everything fell out of hand, studies at the Polytechnic College of Dnepropetrovsk went downhill, sleep and appetite disappeared, there were frequent tear tantrums without visible reasons. The usually friendly girl quarreled with her friends and parents, and did not understand what was happening to her. At lectures on psychology, the teacher more than once offered his help to those who have some kind of personal problems.
The girl made up her mind and asked for help. When she told about her thoughts and experiences, the teacher agreed to help, and made an appointment. During the two-hour conversation, searches were made for the causes of the nervous breakdown. Then the girl realized that she was in love, the cause of suffering was a senior student who did not notice her. It turned out to calm down, pull myself together, from that moment on, the feeling of falling in love pleased, and did not destroy everything around. The psychologist did not treat, but taught me to understand myself, to “sort out” my questions and look for answers to them myself. And most importantly, do not allow strong emotions to create general chaos in Everyday life. After that, she was able to open up to her parents, talk about her passion and explain her hitherto strange behavior. She continued to see the same high school student, but this acquaintance did not develop into a close relationship, and, after two months, the love simply melted away.
“First of all, parents need to learn as much as possible about the object of love, who he (she), what qualities he possesses,” advises teacher and psychologist Stanislav Chernenko, “gently ask your child why your child fell in love with this person.” At this age, it is wrong to call such an attraction love, it is rather a physiological attraction caused by the processes of puberty, he explains. “It is rather not psychological, but primarily physiological problem, because the attraction that teenagers take as love is caused by the “maturation” of the body for reproduction,” says the teacher.
Look at the girl with a "sober look"
Once, a 16-year-old boy turned to Stanislav Chernenko for help. The young man said that he fell in love, became withdrawn, thoughtful, feels rejected among friends. He constantly has the image of his beloved girl before his eyes, he can no longer think about anything. The psychologist talked with a guy in love 1-2 times a week for 30 minutes for a month. Analyzed - are all the qualities of this girl worthy of admiration? “Perhaps, after looking at the girl with a “sober look”, the guy’s mental storms will subside. Maybe she is far from perfect, but her flaws are simply not visible to loving eyes. If there good contact with parents, they should help their boyfriend take a closer look at the girl, it is possible to overestimate the object of adoration - the psychologist advises. - Psychoanalytic conversations, i.e. talk and figure it out, they can help a lot.” Analyzing his practice, Stanislav Chernenko concludes that girls suffer more often. This is probably due to the fact that they are somewhat more sensitive and take everything to heart. Boys are less stable in their attachments, are more likely to be distracted, and girls are more stable. But the period of puberty in girls comes earlier than their peers.
“The first meaningful falling in love is observed already in the 10-11th grade of the school, but love is constantly “younger”. And, as a rule, this phenomenon is passing, ”the psychologist believes.
About love on the screen and in life
The media often negatively influences the formation of the idea of love. They only bring her down to physical attraction. On TV screens - sex, open propaganda of contraceptives. “We grew up without it, we were brought up differently,” says Stanislav Ivanovich. - In our time, cinema gave the boys heroes who they wanted to be like - smart, strong, hardy. We strived to become better in order to compete with other boys. And now girls do not need to be especially won, to perform heroic deeds, to fight for the girl.
The situation is aggravated by the fact that in Ukraine female population more than male, and therefore there is no healthy rivalry between men for a woman, the psychologist believes. The current cinema does not give teenagers a worthy hero of our time. Boys do not strive to become better in order to please girls. Men do not compete with each other, and therefore in our society there is no way out for strong personalities.
“In the Caucasus, where I grew up, the situation is exactly the opposite,” the teacher recalls. “In order for a girl to like you, so that she would notice you, you had to behave heroically, strive to be better, win, show your knightly virtues. It's no secret that girls sometimes like bullies because they seem more temperamental. Now in society there is more and more licentiousness, which even parents and teachers cannot cope with, the psychologist draws conclusions.
Love or infatuation?
All of us have to fall in love. For a teenager, being in love is the first strong shock that one has to go through. It is to survive, because the first such feeling is remembered in detail for the rest of your life, leaves an imprint and is experienced for the first time - it is a unique experience.
Hormones begin to play, spring comes, which activates all feelings, sharpens reactions. It is likely to wait for the novel. And then comes the excitement of teachers about strange behavior a child or fears that something like this could happen, from which it is imperative to protect. Very often there is a situation when parents themselves begin to get more nervous than the child and try to prevent something terrible. Friendship between boys and girls is not terrible if it is really based on love, and not something else.
A lot can be an indicator of the first love. This excitement increased attention to the mirror and his reflection, great scrupulousness in the choice of clothing and "correctly" sticking out in all directions hairstyle. Same sharp drops in moods, manifestations of both sentimentality and aggression, since self-doubt in this matter is the most main symptom. On the part of the boys, there is a more active behavior, which is characterized by the old fun of "pulling the pigtail" to hide their feelings, but still show attention. Girls are more restrained in this regard, they prefer to lock themselves up or keep secrets with their friends at such moments. Questions: "How do I look? Am I beautiful? It suits me" - almost markers of love.
You need to tactfully help your teenage child, suggest something, especially important for a teenager - behavior, his own and the opposite sex. Often these kinds of secrets are much more hidden than another explosion of the class teacher about unsatisfactory behavior. The main thing that needs to be instilled in a teenager is what happens to him. wonderful feeling, which, at least in front of you, you don’t need to be ashamed at all. And that it is transient. After all, rejected love for a teenager is a tragedy, just like a gradually weakening feeling - it is not clear why the behavior is so strange. Real love less often comes at this age, which is due to intellectual immaturity.
Traps of "love"
The theme and problems of love (more correctly, falling in love, but let's look at it from a different point of view) are very difficult for adolescence. And if in any other situations he decides everything through emotional sphere, then in a situation with love it is completely reckless to count on some rational conclusions on his part. There are several traps that almost all teenagers fall into. Let's try to isolate them.
Loneliness. Actual? For a teenager, very. The feeling of loneliness accompanies him anyway, and when a couple catches your eye, write wasted. In this case, either self-abasement begins ("all together, only I will not find anyone:"), or an attempt to rehabilitate himself by finding a couple, no matter on what basis he will hold on. Often situations when two people (girlfriends or friends) go everywhere together, spend time together more often, in the axiological context, begin to be perceived as a manifestation of an unhealthy attraction. Before you fear it, find out if this is just an attempt to escape from loneliness?
Pressure. good parent will not provide it. But peers - definitely will. Even if a teenager is not ready and does not want to try to enter into any kind of relationship with someone, he is forced by the situation, peer jokes and constant hints that he is “weak”. Well, when attempts fail, you need to prepare for grave consequences. This leaves an unpleasant experience that you don’t want to repeat (and whether it will be pleasant - from the point of view of your existing teenager, it doesn’t even set), it drops self-esteem and, possibly, authority among friends.
Love "demands". The first object of love is almost always an idol. It's hard to argue or compromise with an idol. And very often a situation happens when a teenager is ready to go to any crazy if "love demanded"! Threatening to break up. This situation can be prevented by having a good trusting contact.
independent feeling. A teenager is afraid of any hints and talk about falling in love. Afraid and alone with himself to think about this. And pressure or interest from others is almost a war with a secret counterintelligence agent. Any partisanship in this situation, which will be noticed, will be perceived exclusively with hostility. No matter how a teenager behaves, a real first love for him is a very subtle, very fragile feeling, it is not recommended to touch him.
All ages are submissive to love... (submissive in their own way)
The ancient Greeks divided love into many types: ludus - love-game, mania - love-obsession, eros - sexual passion, storge - love-friendship, hais - love based on gratitude and respect, agape - selfless and erotic love-self-giving, plus all kinds of combinations and options. In principle, every woman may well experience this whole gamut of feelings on own experience. But not all varieties at once! Let's try to divide love into five types in accordance with the age of the victim - in the sense of a girl in love. Ideally, as you grow older, you will smoothly move from one type of love to another. However, remember that in psychology there are 99 percent exceptions to any rule, and starting with a typical love drama at 15, by the age of 20 you can move on to a partnership that is characteristic of those who are over forty.
Love-drama - 14-17 years old
The truth and eternity of Romeo and Juliet's love are specialists in marital relations are seriously questioned. Imagine for a moment that the Montagues and the Capulets were more tolerant of their children and married them. Juliet would instantly become pregnant; deprived of balls and songs under the moon, she would begin to get fat, turn pale, become whiny, and Romeo, having asserted himself, like a man with one woman, would proudly move on, rewarding cooks and maids with children - his new Juliet. In short, death is better than such a life. And all because the first love is not love for the sake of love and not love for a specific person, but rather love to yourself. She has something to arise at 12-17 years old. The child grows up, and now for some reason everyone needs Furthermore what he has is more knowledge, more " good behavior". Everyone (and parents in the first place) needs an ideal. As a result, the unfortunate teenager feels lonely and unnecessary and is looking for the same lonely and unnecessary teenager. Adolescent love is characterized by blind faith and blind adoration of the object - oneself. The only way to survive the love-drama as painlessly as possible, at least without suicide attempts and complexes for life - just live it. Accept everything as it is. You can hardly do without an experienced, all-understanding friend here. Well, if it's mom. But maybe a peer, and a brother, sister, and even a grandmother. Ask yourself. What complexes are you trying to get rid of, experiencing love-drama?
Love-passion - 18-22 years
Even if you're the ugliest of the uglies, your chances of losing your virginity by age 18 are nine out of ten. And if you managed to do it earlier, abstract versification, kisses in the stairwell and sex, which was needed more for self-affirmation than for pleasure, are replaced by real joy from bed games. Begins clean water Eros is what the ancient Greeks called the desire for possession. At this age, they often say: "He must be like this ... and like that ... and like that ..." List of necessary qualities and attributes ( White horse or "Mercedes" and if not a castle in a country with an absolute monarchy, then at least a house in Spain) is attached. This is where it happens main mistake. Not in a material sense - there is nothing wrong with falling in love, but in the long run and marrying a wealthy person. Not a beggar will feed your children. The mistake is that 18 to 22 are often searched for specific person, and not love, rarely listen to their feelings, enjoy having sex with one man and immediately marry another. In other words, at every step they infringe on their feelings. Ask yourself. How do you feel about someone who has all the qualities and attributes on your list?
Self love - 23-29 years
At this age, with outward distrust of men, inwardly a woman continues to be a teenager who believes in the holy and pure love. Just besides men, she begins to notice herself.
If you already have a family, then there is often a revision of life values (usually about 23 years old, psychologists believe that this crisis age). Those who got married at 18 think they missed something in life. And while the rest were studying and traveling, they were at home with small children. The way out is to temporarily hand over the child to grandmothers and husband and have a good time. Live for yourself. to be good Gym. Or leave for a couple of weeks to rest - alone. Or go back to school. If there is no family yet, its appearance is suddenly postponed. It’s a common thing: at 22, a girl desperately looks out for a permanent life partner in her environment, at 24 she decides that marriage can be postponed, and at 27 she thinks with irritation that she can’t put off creating a family indefinitely - but she wants to.
Ask yourself. Is the man you love experiencing emotional hunger - are you too fixated on yourself, your life and your experiences?
Self-dislike - 30-40 years
From love to self-loathing - just a few years. Often, shortly after thirty, there is a feeling that you have not achieved what you should have achieved. This is called a midlife crisis. Most often, they suffer from women who could not get rid of their teenage complexes and all the previous 10-15 years simply hid them deep inside. And here they come out...
Defeatist psychology directly affects personal life. It seems to a married woman that there is no love left in her marriage, to a divorced woman - that no one will love her anymore, to an unmarried woman - that she has missed the time.
Ask yourself. Do you consider a relationship with a man as a way to assert yourself, what other ways of self-assertion could you use?
Just love - after 40
Yes, at this age all the time married women get lovers. Yes, divorce is also common. And yet love is most like love at this age. You don’t need to prove it - after forty you understand that if proof is required, then there is no love. You no longer love for appearance/money/quality, not for anything at all, but simply love. Complexes are much less disturbing - they got rid of some, reconciled with others. No panic fear stay alone - you are quite independent. The children have grown up, and there is time to understand yourself and the man. You begin to appreciate what you simply didn’t have time for before - peace of mind.
Ask yourself. Is there someone you really love next to you?
Your child's first love
Your teenage child hides his eyes from you, often locks himself in his room, whispers on the phone for a long time, does not say with whom he is going for a walk ... Maybe the child has fallen in love?
Do not panic
Even if everything is known and the teenager does not hide that he has an object of sympathy, there will be no less questions from parents about this. After all, according to psychologists, teenage love is something special. All for the first time, all unusual, and most importantly - risky. Therefore, it is important to know about the features adolescent psychology so as not to do things that can harm your son or daughter more than help.
If mom or dad suddenly found their daughter kissing at the entrance, they are horrified - what's next? Adult people have the ability to completely forget that they were once teenagers. And their first kiss, it is possible, was also "early". And even if it isn't, there's nothing wrong with your baby kissing. After all, he had already grown so much that he began to be interested in issues of sex, sex and love. 13 years old, and even more so 15-16 - this is a fairly "mature" age to start showing attention to opposite sex. How should adults behave? Never yell at a teenager. It is better to ask a few questions in a confidential conversation about how a daughter or son feels when he touches the object of love. And more - as a whole, your child imagines a model of relationships.
What's the secret"?
A feature of adolescence is a kind of "revolution" that occurs both inside the child's body and in his mind. Hormonal development is going on at a powerful pace, against its background changes are taking place on all fronts. The period of puberty is turbulent and problematic. The mood of a teenager can change several times a day. He himself often does not understand the reasons for such changes. Mothers can understand their children more easily if they know that such a state of mind is very similar to the state of a woman during and after pregnancy.
The teenager is changing outwardly. For a child at this time, it is very important how his peers evaluate him, therefore, during this period, parents need to show maximum tact. Any remark concerning appearance can give rise to an inferiority complex in a teenager. And he will grow up to be an insecure person. For example, a mother told her daughter a couple of times (even with laughter) that her nose is too long, and you can give an 80% guarantee that the girl will be ashamed of her nose all her life.
One of the features of teenage love is a sharp "change of love." That is, a child can fall in love several times a month. And every time to consider that it is serious and for a long time. This is how teenage maximalism manifests itself. In addition, boys can idolize one girl, but meet and be friends with a completely different one.
Adolescents can freely and obscenely speak out about what concerns sex, and immediately enthusiastically and sublimely praise the one they like.
At the time of love, they rush out into the street. The reasons are understandable - the thirst for communication. The desire to see a loved one and friends with whom you want to discuss everything that happens. It is difficult for adolescents to withstand the colossal tension of new feelings, desires, they have not yet worked out the norms of behavior, self-control is not sufficiently developed. Therefore, you should not demand unquestioning obedience, but it is more important to show that he can discuss everything with you.
First "want"
The sexual side of relationships in adolescents is often not associated with the first love. Adolescent and youthful sexuality is characterized by its "experimental" nature. Own sexual reactions and reactions of partners are investigated. Hormonal changes in many teenagers entail an explosion of hypersexuality. Therefore, many boys and girls begin to masturbate, get involved in erotic and pornographic magazines and movies. Parents should not react violently if they caught a child doing such a "terrible" activity. Your task is to be ready to discuss any issues sexual life with kids. Forget about embarrassment and awkwardness. Otherwise, peers will tell the child about THIS. What knowledge they have is anyone's guess. Mom in such conversations should tell her daughter about what she can expect in relationships with men. And dad - to acquaint his son with the basic wisdom sexual relations with women. Watch movies about love together, discuss what is happening on the screen. What can be done? At the stage adolescent development It is important for a child to learn how to build relationships with people of the opposite sex. The information that he will receive from books, films, will not be enough for him. New relationship is a way to learn about features different people, understand their own sympathy. love in adolescence, of course, is similar to a "roller coaster", in contrast to the youthful one, which is already more stable and uniform. And parents need to look at this with understanding and condescension. Let your child know that you are his friend, not his enemy. Let him always have the opportunity to come to you and tell his spiritual secrets. The first feelings are always painful. It may seem to a teenager that "this is a disaster", "it's all over", because "he (she) does not love me!". If you want to help the child - advise the correct, in your opinion, solution. Let him know that you are confident that he will make the choice himself. This is how you earn trust and respect. own child. And he will most likely listen to your advice.
"LOVE is like a song" - this is the name of the section in the new textbook mother tongue for ninth-grade high school students in China. It is dedicated to nature romantic love. Materials published in the section and literary works should, according to the authors, teach schoolchildren a rational approach to the emotions that cover them at the stage of puberty. The guys must understand that love is beautiful and diverse, but you need to prepare yourself for it. The letter of the Russian teacher Vasily Sukhomlinsky published in the textbook, the poem by Alexander Pushkin, the famous passage from Charlotte Bronte's novel "Jane Eyre", in which the main character speaks of her desire to have equality in relations with her beloved, tell about what this wonderful feeling is. This manual illustrates a kind and gentle approach to feeling. It is interesting that in the textbook there is not a single memory of "Romeo and Juliet" - the most famous work about the love of teenagers. It turns out that the Chinese education system does not approve and, moreover, considers this work dangerous. Shakespeare is about unfortunate lovers who defy their families, run away from home and commit suicide. And the feeling of love should be developed in young people in the most prudent way.
Teenage love well known to many of us. And for parents, this is often a difficult test. Although, some mothers and fathers with tenderness and trepidation recall the feeling of first love even after many years.
First love
The first love of two young hearts, what could be purer than this lofty feeling? A young man and a girl are literally immersed in the abyss of new sensations, and at this moment it seems to them that there is nothing better in this world. Mutual attraction gives courage, because many couples in love completely abandon their studies and other important things. They just want to be around all the time, those around them only interfere. Parental controls only add to the annoyance.
After all, they are already quite adult children, since they are able to experience such a magical feeling, and it is not at all necessary to subject them to various tests. Usually the feeling of falling in love occurs during a period of intense physical development, and a grandiose hormonal adjustment. Boys and girls move on to the next age category, turn into a boy and a girl. Mood swings, novelty in self-awareness are the main distinctive features teenagers. They are constantly striving to learn something new about the relationship between the sexes.
According to the results of statistical studies, most often love relationship between a boy and a girl are only platonic in nature. But nowadays society makes a push to start intimate relationships often with completely unpredictable and undesirable consequences.
It is extremely rare and unique cases when the first feelings of teenagers grow into something more. This can only be when love is mutual, no one puts up any obstacles. This will only positively affect the development and formation of the individual as a whole. Adolescents are much more likely to suffer from unrequited love, and bitter disappointment yet for a long time stirs the fragile youthful soul.
Unhappy love
Psychology is a complex science, and once again proves the presence of excessive maximalism in youthful judgments. After all, each of them is absolutely sure that his feelings of love are forever, for life, that he will never love anyone and will never be able to love again. But it is not only the lack of reciprocity that makes love unhappy. a huge role plays parental rejection, especially in a categorical form. It often happens that parents protest that their smart daughter met with a bully boy. It has long been known that the so-called bad boys are of great interest to girls.
It goes without saying that if parents openly express their protest, the sooner a storm of indignation will follow in response from a son or daughter. The teenager becomes isolated in himself, stops communicating with loved ones. For him, at that moment, this is the most important issue. It is clear that adults and experienced people know that everything is still ahead. It is at this moment that parents risk missing something important. Love failures can greatly harm a teenager's self-esteem. After all, changes in appearance only fuel their own rejection. Therefore, young men and women are ready to go to any experiments, so long as the object of love does not ignore their existence.
Love dating is not forbidden
If there are no solid and significant reasons, no need to go to extremes, depriving wonderful walks under the moon. This moment should be present in the life of every young creature. Do not forbid at all, but sharply limit the time of the date. If told to come home to certain time, then the teenager must fulfill the promise.
The forbidden always beckons. You need to try to become not only a friend to your child, but also a good teacher. There is nothing worse than secret love dates. So let them be better explicit, but with time limits;
Do not exceed your authority
A teenager is often in no hurry to tell details about his object of adoration to parents. Love in adolescence at first causes a flurry of emotions only in the heart and soul, but does not manifest itself outwardly. Everything is kept secret. It's absolutely normal reaction. He is ready to share with friends - peers, nothing more. Adults in his eyes are not competent enough in such an important matter. No need to torture the teenager with questions, let him choose a more appropriate moment to reveal his secret. Of course, parents are required to know the age, place of residence, occupation of the chosen one of their child;
Maintaining the Purity of Love Relationships
By virtue of young age teenagers are so absorbed in a new feeling that they do not notice anything and no one around them. They seem to be the happiest in the world. They are unaware that there are painful moments of separation and betrayal. At such moments, parents are the most important mentors and experienced advisers. Try to support the children, do not let anyone interfere in their relationship;
A story about the consequences of intimate relationships
Today's teenagers spend too much time in in social networks. Of course, they read and watch various videos, which it may be too early for them to watch. caring parents in without fail should talk to the teenager about the danger teenage pregnancy. After all, each side has two medals. Bet on Negative consequences similar relationships. Feel free to talk about the importance of using contraceptives.
It is natural that every parent wants to see their beloved offspring as the happiest on earth. Therefore, they strive in every possible way to help, give advice and instructions. But do not forget the most important thing, that you do not need to impose your beliefs, leave the right to choose for your son or daughter. They will be grateful for your understanding.
Love.…What a beautiful amazing feeling.… Everyone sees and understands it in their own way. Everyone feels and feels it differently.
Teenagers…. They have - the most incredible - wonderful love. Here are the parents, as times, its and fear. When they see their child kissing at the entrance, they are seized with a strange horror. At that moment, they completely forget that they experienced, once, the same thing. Do not scold a teenager for a kiss: you must understand how important and beautiful he is at this age.
Love in adolescence. Generally, in this age period there are a lot of changes going on. Adolescents change their mood very dramatically: now they are laughing, and literally in a minute, they can already walk, overwhelmed by thoughts and sadness.
Adolescence is dangerous. However, parents often do not take this into account and “play with fire”. They are afraid for their children, afraid that they will make many mistakes. However, paradoxically, mistakes are made by parents themselves, in relation to their children - teenagers. Everyone knows that at this time, children's appearance changes a lot. Parents, jokingly, can say something like: "What a big nose you have." For a child, it's a disaster.. He will take it quite seriously, he will have complexes about his nose ... In the end, he will “smoothly move” through all parts of his body, coming up with completely unreasonable “ugliness” of his appearance.
Teenagers- very vulnerable and impressionable. They perceive even the most ordinary pimple (of the smallest size) with hostility. So, dear parents, on the contrary, try to emphasize the pros appearance your child to feel as safe as possible.
Love in adolescence, youth. If your child, suddenly, began to close in his room, began to “hang” on the phone for hours, we can assume that he fell in love. What bright, indescribable feelings a teenager experiences at such a moment! However, it passes quickly. Adolescence is the age of a thousand loves. It is for this reason that a boy, for example, can “idolize” one girl, but he can meet, at the same time, with two. But at first, it seemed that he fell in love once and for all ....
Don't ask a teenager to obey you "one hundred percent", you do not need to punish him, saying: "That's it, not a foot on the street today." Communication with friends, new acquaintances, new impressions is very important for them. They can fall into a terrible depression if they don’t see the one they suddenly fell in love with (for a long time or not, it doesn’t matter).
Psychology of teenage love. In general, if you do not want the child to move away from you, become a friend for him, enter into his confidence. Then he will tell you everything, share experiences, ask for advice. Thus, you will take a “winning position”: you will no longer need to guess what is happening to your son (daughter), than he (she) lives and breathes.
If in adolescence love is like a "hurricane", then in adolescence this feeling is more moderate and calm. youthful love unusual. It has its own uniqueness. For example, it is already interesting that friendship and love, at this age, are very closely intertwined. Friendship can easily "swim" into love, and love - into the process of courtship. Of course, few people, at this age, seriously begin to think about marriage. However, it is youthful love that “lives” in our memories forever.
Main what worries boys and girls at that age - exactly external manifestations love. There are many questions about the first date, about kisses ...
E If we talk about a date, then there are many different nuances. Such, for example, as the choice of clothes, the choice of makeup (for girls), behavioral manners ...
Kiss is the first step towards intimacy. By the way, the intimate side of the relationship young men give much greater value than girls: their emotional side dominates.
Psychology of parents. Unfortunately, parents often interfere in the lives of their children. And it’s very disappointing when a son came to introduce his girlfriend to his mother, and her mother didn’t like her at all (either outwardly, or in character, or for some other reason). Naturally, quarrels and scandals begin, which, in fact, no one needs. The guy is confused: who to choose ... Mom or girlfriend? You can't choose here!This is unfair! Dear Parents, your child will forever remain your child, but he will never be your puppet, a toy, the fate of which you have the right to dispose of. Perhaps you are just jealous of your son (your daughter) for his (her) soul mate. But you must understand: absolutely every person has his own “legal” right to personal life, and absolutely every person always has a place in the heart, which is “dedicated to the one (or only), and not to you, parents. The choice is unequal. Mom is a parent, and the chosen one (chosen one) is a person with whom life may contact. The parent who puts his children before such a choice is not right.
Accept and accept your children's choices. After all, you want them to be happy, right? Then, it is quite logical that if your daughter or your son has chosen their soul mate, then there is something in her that will certainly make them happy. Even if this “union” is not forever, let the lovers enjoy each other, and do not continue to point out the shortcomings of your alleged “son-in-law” or “daughter-in-law”. Put yourself in your child's place. Well? What is it? How would you feel if your parents did the same to you, "subjecting" you to a difficult and stupid choice? Just don't talk that you would choose parents. Don't lie to yourself: you wouldn't choose them, you would just do what they want, that's all. And they themselves would suffer, spend sleepless nights, look for flaws in their loved one (which, in fact, do not exist), convince themselves that their parents are right, and so on. But you can't deceive the heart... It will always "beat" the one it loves, it will always "feel" the one who is so dear to it. Don't break hearts filled with n real L love!
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