What is love. Does Divine love imply forgiveness? Films about Pravmir

What is "Love"? Love - 💖 - is it a chemical reaction, a spiritual impulse, a desire to be "like behind a stone wall", or maybe a habit or affection?

In psychology, there is no single definition of love. After all, each person can interpret the definition of this feeling in his own way - this is a kind of setting that sets the behavioral model of the partner's relationship to the outside world or the object of love.

Love is a stupid thing done together.
Napoleon I Bonaparte

Love: Definition in terms of psychology

There are three completely contradictory interpretations of the concept of "Love":

1. Love is a state of being in love- disorders, akin to neurosis, when attention is weakened, vigilance is lost, a person becomes "detached from this world."
2. Love is an internal drug when the brain releases the hormones of pleasure, dopamine, a feeling of happiness and serenity.
3. Love is a painless habit, the human need to feel loved, to give these wonderful emotions to others, to be happy and satisfied.

Psychologists say that real love similar to love for a child, an indicator of a pure soul, dedication to the end, care and renunciation, this cannot be understood with the head, it is only felt by the heart.

Love is an objective concept, for one to love is to give gifts, for another it is to sympathize and empathize, and for the third it is to give life without delay. It is sometimes very difficult to take and explain this feeling in words.

What are the stages of love?

In total, there are 7 stages that love goes through, they may not occur for everyone, but they take place:

1. Love- a short period when lovers plunge into a state of euphoria, they notice only all the good things, do not see the negative sides of each other, but everything ends quickly when people start living together or plan a wedding, they face domestic troubles;
2. Satiation- lovers begin to “evaluate their love” differently, coexistence begins, which can lead to separation or unity;
3. Disgust- a real test for lovers, they become selfish, reciprocity disappears, without this stage it is impossible to step into another world, the true awareness of love;
4. Humility- lovers begin to adequately look at each other, accept their soul mate as a separate person, with all the vices and shortcomings, a period of self-improvement, improvement and mutual understanding begins;
5. Service– people completely immerse themselves in the world of bliss, the personification of wisdom and piety, support each other in any endeavors;
6. Friendship- accepting each other as a close person, lovers devote more time to their soul mate, get to know themselves anew, build new relationships full of madness;
7. Love– partners passed long haul, have learned to appreciate and love truly, now they perceive each other as a whole, without mercantile attitudes and cunning tricks!

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It is especially important to realize the fact that love does not ask for anything - this feeling gives warmth, spiritual harmony and pleasure. If there is a blind love addiction, then you need to get rid of it, no matter how difficult it would be at first!

Such feelings make the partner be with the chosen one all the time, jealous, forgiving even in the most difficult cases, which will ultimately lead to the destruction of the personality and even fatal death.

What do famous psychologists say about the definition of the word "Love"?

Sternberg: The Results of Combining the Components of Love

Sternberg believed that this feeling can carry an objective load in three semantic components: attraction, passion and responsibility to oneself and the other half.

Ideal love is the one in which all these components merge together, feelings become strong and inflammable!

What does E. Fromm say about the definition of love?

He considers love a momentary feeling that appears in moments of great joy, the motivation of feelings can be fear of loneliness, in rare manifestations - sadism.

According to E. Fromm, love is like a business deal, to love is to take and give in full, open up, dedicate your secrets and let love and experiences into your innermost world. To be strong, not to let feelings take their course, to control the process, no matter how paradoxical it may sound.

In place of the first stormy outbursts of emotions, courageous and strong feelings come that help keep the raft of love afloat, and not let it break on the rocks of enmity, hatred, constant quarrels and scandals.

A.V. Petrovsky argues differently

He describes love like external manifestations feelings available for everyone to observe. The way a person changes outwardly when a feeling of attachment to another appears, renounces his former life and begins to commit crazy actions. Love is conditioned by intimate desires, implies sincerity and openness to each other.

If there is a lie, then this is not love, but the shameless exploitation of someone else's trust, fraudulent actions, sometimes thoughtless. Feelings should be replaced by actions, but at the same time testify to the same thing. If I love, then it manifests itself in all respects.

Video: Psychologists of our time about what "Love" is

Psychologist Natalya Tolstaya

Love is like a chemical reaction

Lovers like to be together, the production of various hormones is triggered, which lead to crazy actions, euphoria, insomnia, loss of appetite, a change in reality around.

Love drives you crazy, the brain begins to produce dopamine in excess, a state of satisfaction appears. A person commits thoughtless acts, sometimes is not able to adequately assess the result.

These "aggressive" hormones do not live for a long time, the phase of insanity ends quickly, and love passes into another metamorphosis - affection, understanding, trust, unity, and so on.

The desire to fall in love is not love. But the fear of falling in love is already love.
Etienne Rey

The hormone of love is oxytocin key role in the psychology of the behavior of lovers, as they say, if you feel good, then I feel great too! Love is the complete surrender of oneself in exchange for the truth of the feelings of another.

Such a chemical element helps to build relationships, binds families, friends with bonds of love, helps to curb the true feeling inside. Such a change in the psychology of behavior changes life for the better, inspires a sense of trust in others. This method can treat the state of neurosis in patients.

What is first love?

Are these vivid memories or a lesson for life? Many argue that first love is doomed to failure. Parents do not betray the importance of such a hobby for their children, adults often secretly sigh when they remember their first love, sometimes considering it the truest and most sinless.

The first relationship between a man and a woman can be both negative and positive! The most important thing is to take right lesson from this situation, do not dwell on the bad, go ahead and build new happy relationships without looking back.

Psychologists say this about it:

1. First love is the first personal relationship between a female and a male, which is based on contact actions on the part of each other, the first emotions are actively manifested - a feeling of love, hatred, anger, jealousy, resentment;
2. the lover remains alone with his experiences, trying to make an adequate decision on what to do next, sometimes the first experiences are so strong that they do not allow the lover to step over this period of life and move on to a new relationship;
3. in the first love there are only feelings, all definitions of status go by the wayside (material wealth, car, real estate, etc.);
4. lovers cannot accept the circumstances that have arisen sensibly, sometimes they cannot cope with the wave of surging experiences;
5. the meaning of first love is to learn how to manage emotions, contact with the opposite sex, create your own system of behavior for the successful completion of the next relationship.

We always believe that our first love is our last and our last love is our first.
George John White-Melville

The first love is able to form persistent ideas about the feeling of love in the future. It is very important to bring a positive emotional experience out of this situation, and not to spoil your personal life with painful memories.

Often there is an illusion that if you return your first love, then youth will return with it, but you need to live in the present, not the past, because only here and now you can change something in your life, become truly happy and successful.

What myths about love "erase" the knowledge of psychology

Love at first sight - is it real?

Love from the second, third ... look can be bright, rich, inspired and unique. Psychologists often consider such situations when a person believes that this is his true soul mate, and then he meets another, and the world turns upside down again.

The object of love is one for all years and all ages!

The first love seems to be the only one, but then the second comes and the feelings are ignited again... In the world, 25% of suicides are due to the fact that many rivals compete for the favor of "one love". So for whom is she really the only one?

In true loving heart either jealousy kills love, or love kills jealousy.
Fedor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky

Every person has a soul mate, the main thing is to see it in the crowd of numerous passers-by and not miss it, so as not to violate the agreement on eternal and happy love.

You cannot live in a world where love is absent, when the other half is completely indifferent to you, because the time will come when true love will appear, and one of the partners will remain “overboard”, in a sea of ​​tears and sad illusions.

There are at least a million options to meet your soulmate, perhaps for this you need to change your place of residence, social circle, work, study, but the choice will be made, and the probability of a successful one is quite high.

Does eternal love exist?

Psychologists do not make loud statements on this subject, but the thought of a lover can live long period but stand family life capable of changing these perceptions. The higher the need for love, the more acute this problem is.

Most often, love is interpreted as respect, trust, understanding of each other, often a person falls in love several times, because he was not lucky enough to find his ideal. In fact, not everything is so simple, you need to move forward, not dwell on imaginary fantasies and erroneous ideals.

It is difficult to think sensibly under the influence of the hormone of love, but you simply must draw a conclusion and live on!

Is it possible to get married without love?

Is there always love when creating a marriage, but it is worth noting that the intensity of passions also cannot guarantee strong relationship and successful union. So where to look for the golden half? How to be happy without love?

Yes, marriage without feelings is sad, but on the other hand, as the French novelist Begbeder noted, love lives for three years, and after that a trusting contact is established, a relationship that will keep the couple together, or lead to separation.

Problems in the field of love can arise due to the fact that everyone interprets this feeling in their own way. In psychology, there is no one right decision on how to define love, there are many varieties of it.

Perhaps today you will love your other half as a brother / sister, friend, and tomorrow that igniting feeling will come that will allow you to create a strong and happy family for many years to come. Love will be sung as a divine feeling, a bright transformation of life, driving you crazy.

Love is joy, understanding each other without words, mutual satisfaction, in this case, we can talk about strong further family ties, and the birth of children will become a magical unity of this marriage.

"Invented" love

If relationships between people arise against the background of internal emptiness, or the replacement of one partner by another, then they can be called dependent, and most often doomed to a sad existence.

This is serious psychological problem, not everyone can withstand such responsibility, in such relationships there is no free choice, most often such individuals remain lonely and unhappy for life.

Don't be afraid of the smart ones. When love comes, brains turn off.
Elena Zhidkova

“Feelings are the elements of actions that are not subject to anyone!”
In such a field, betrayals, mistrust, suffering, meanness and the destruction of such a wonderful feeling as love can arise.

You need to learn to love and be happy without any conditions, like a mother loves a child, she plunges into this state with her head and does not set any selection criteria for herself.

If there is an emptiness in the soul, then you first need to understand yourself why this happened, and not fill it with someone on the basis of rash actions. Until a person loves himself, accepts him with all the shortcomings and contradictions, hardly anyone will do it for him.

But love is still there!

This boundless and inspiring feeling helps to deal with many difficulties, solve serious problems, create comfort and coziness of a family nest, give birth to children, take care of others, and so on.

Love is not chosen, it is coming once and for all! And not only psychologists think so. What do you think about such a feeling as love?

"Love" is very interesting word. We say it quite often. "I like chocolate". "I don't like oatmeal." "I love Sasha". "I Love Mom". "I do not like rain". But if we are asked what “love”, “love” is, we are unlikely to be able to give a quick and clear answer. And for sure different people will give different answers. Perhaps you have never thought about this topic. “What is there to think? Don't I know what love is?

On the one hand, you are right. Love is inherent in all of us, love is a natural state of man. On the other hand, the average modern man has gone so far from his natural state that there is little love left in him. And the word " love" has survived in the language. That's what they call any affection.

However, this is not only a problem of modern man. Delusions have always existed. Remember the story of Romeo and Juliet? In ancient times, this story was composed, but even then the author called the relationship of the characters love. But was there really love in Romeo and Juliet's relationship?

Alas, art has the ability to convincingly present lies as truth. Trusting the beauty of art, we involuntarily trust the thoughts of the author. And the author does not have to be a sage and a know-it-all. For us to remember him centuries later, he must be a brilliant artist, nothing more. How many artists of all times and peoples are misleading us, poetizing their delusions of youth!

The geniuses of ancient times are echoed by the modern "pop" of all genres, which will be forgotten faster than dirty puddles dry up in sunny weather. But we trust this foam too. And how not to believe if everyone sings the same thing?

Let's dispel this romantic fog and talk about love soberly and seriously.

What is love

Love belongs to the sphere of non-material, to the spiritual area of ​​our life. And the spiritual is cognizable by us only in part. No one can say that he knows everything about love. But, nevertheless, many properties of love are known, some patterns of its strengthening and disappearance. And the knowledge of these individual qualities of love is of great value for that person who wants to love and be loved.

What love is not

Let us begin by considering those qualities or definitions that are unfairly attributed to love.

"Love is just a side effect of sex drive."

This delusion does not deserve even detailed consideration. Its fallacy is already obvious from the fact that there is love between parents and children, love between friends, and people with an undeveloped or extinct sexual sphere are also capable of loving. Love can be directed to objects with which sexual interaction is impossible. Condolences to those who think so.

"Love is a feeling."

Certain feelings are just one of the qualities of love. It is more correct to say that love is a state.

When a person is in a state of love, he is in this state entirely, and his whole life changes. He becomes more love to all people. He awakens new talents or flourishes previously discovered. He has more vitality.

If there are only feelings, but not all these changes, this is not love.

"Love is passion." "Love is torture." "Love is pain". "Love is a disease."

This is the most common mistake, so let's take a closer look at it.

The root of this mistake is in our childhood. Unfortunately, almost all of us are unloved children. Very few can boast that their parental family was perfect. That mom and dad were each other's first and last. That they were always together and truly loved each other and us children, giving us the necessary fullness of their time and their love.

And if we have received at least a little less, then, without realizing it ourselves, we are trying to compensate for this in love relationships. That is, to compensate with the love of other people for us the love that was not received from our parents. If in love a person strives more to give, think and take care of the happiness of a loved one, then in passion a person engages in vampirism. In passion, we tensely control how they treat us, whether they give everything to us, whether they let someone else into our hearts. Passion is characterized by jealousy, imaginary sacrifice (or salvation), when we are ready to do a lot for a person, but in exchange we demand his soul, completely depriving him of his freedom. Passion is selfishness, and selfishness is the opposite of love.

And who likes that they deprive him of his freedom, jealous, demanding, pulling all the juices?

Therefore, passion relationships are always painful. Where there is passion, there is torment, and pain, and illness.

The saddest thing is that all the love hopes of a passionate person are doomed from the start. Cannot be compensated by other people parental love. Everything falls through like a leaky vessel. You need to close the gap first...

Great dislike in childhood leads to intense passion, which psychologists call addiction. The expression of this passion can be not only love addiction, but also drug, alcohol, gaming, etc. These are diseases. And, unfortunately, very common. There are far more dependent people than people who truly love. Therefore, the voice of addicts is louder. Their untruth about love is more widespread than the truth of those who know how to love.

Romeo and Juliet also suffered from love addiction. This can be judged already by their gloomy end. Love does not hurt or kill. Love is a creative state. The lover is already happy that there is a loved one, that he is alive and well, that there is love. And addiction requires possession. Addiction torments and often leads a person to thoughts of suicide. However, Shakespeare's work speaks enough about the dislike of these unfortunate young people by the parents. Therefore, the whole picture of the disease is obvious - from the beginning to the end.

"Everyone can love."

Rain falls on everyone from time to time, but water is retained only in the whole vessel. From the leaky one, it quickly flows out. Therefore, only spiritually holistic, adult people are capable of loving. To gain the ability to love, you need to grow up, conquer your addictions and passions.

"There is love at first sight."

There is love at first sight. But the path from falling in love to love is long and difficult. According to psychologists, true love comes on average 15 years after the start. family life.

"Sex does not interfere with love, but rather helps."

People are constantly looking for excuses for their weaknesses. “The fact that I often eat sweets has nothing to do with the fact that I have an extra 15 kg of weight. I'm just not lucky with the figure. “The fact that I allowed intimate relationships with men has nothing to do with the fact that I still cannot create normal family. I'm just unlucky personal life».

Actually, it's connected. The fact that for several millennia of human history women who lost their virginity were not married was not some kind of taboo taken from the ceiling. People knew for sure that family life with such a woman would differ in quality from life with the one who was married to a virgin. With her, such love will not work, such a family will not work.

There are psychological explanations for this phenomenon. They say that a woman will remember previous men. They say that, having shown weakness before marriage, she can show it in marriage, that is, change.

But there is also something on a spiritual level. Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is not a purely physiological process. It somehow affects spiritual structures, forming invisible bonds between people.

Many women remember that their first man was very important in their life. If it was a relationship of love, and virginity was lost, then parting was experienced by them very hard. If there was no sexual intercourse, the separation was much easier. Means, intimacy formed an invisible but strong bond between them.

It's great if this strong connection is with the person with whom you want to live your whole life - with your husband. And if not? With the second man, the connection is already weaker, with the third - even weaker. What kind of connection do you have with your husband? 3rd or 10th?

If Bulgakov's words about sturgeon are true, that it is only of the first grade and no one else, then about love relationships - even more so. And our ancestors agreed only on the first grade. And we, imagining ourselves as gourmets and subtle connoisseurs of various benefits and conveniences that civilization gives us, in the most important thing, often eat just garbage.

Of course, all of the above applies to men as well. Indeed, at the second end of the invisible thread emanating from the woman is a man. Therefore, a man is no less responsible for maintaining his purity than a woman.

What happens? Husband past ties intimate relationships associated with several women. These women are still connected with someone. The wife is also connected with several men. And they are not the last in the chain. It turns out that we do not have families, but some kind of perverted super-Swedish families. In them, we are invisibly united with people, some of whom we might not even shake hands with ...

There are no scientific explanations for this phenomenon. But the fact remains, and everyone can see its confirmation in their lives: with each new intimate relationship, we waste something in our souls, and it is more and more difficult for us to love. Each new crush (accompanied by sex outside of marriage) is inferior to the first love. At the same time, passions may increase, but passion will not replace love for us ...

The path to love is not through sex, but through friendship. The reason that people are in a hurry to get closer physiologically, psychologists call their inability to get closer spiritually. People, especially young people, have not learned to communicate, to talk. They know how to get close only in the most primitive way. But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship, is not much different from masturbation ...

I understand that most of you reading this article are no longer virgins. Don't be discouraged! Fortunately, spiritual injuries are treatable—by spiritual means. Although, like bodily treatment, such treatment requires time and labor. The integrity of the soul can be restored, invisible bonds can be broken.

The path to healing is repentance. It is necessary to stop repeating old mistakes and repent. The amount of labor is proportional to the number of crimes committed against one's soul. I don't know if complete healing is possible without such sacraments. Orthodox Church like confession and communion. With them, it's definitely possible.

What love really is

"The lover seeks to give, not to receive."

If a passionate, dependent person has nothing but a hole in his spiritual body, and therefore is a consumer, the lover has in himself a source of heat and light. And he who has a source of light in himself cannot but shine.

The sacrifice of a loving person, in contrast to the false, selfish sacrifice of an addict, is sincere. The lover does not count what he has given, and does not bill the beloved. It is important for him that his beloved be happy in the highest sense of the word. His joy is to please his beloved.

"Love does not limit freedom."

Being independent, self-sufficient (he does not need anything from his beloved), the lover is free himself and does not seek to limit the freedom of his beloved. His sun is with him in any case, therefore, no matter what the beloved does, his “sun” remains with the lover.

Of course, a lover seeks to be with his beloved, but not to such an extent as to violate the freedom of a loved one.

"Love is the pinnacle of virtue."

Love is the highest of the good qualities of a person. Perfect love includes all virtues. If even one vice has been preserved in a person, his love can no longer be perfect.

Here is how the apostle Paul enumerates the good properties of love: “Love is long-suffering, kind, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, does not pride itself, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

Why is love incompatible with evil? Because if there is something evil, this evil will manifest itself in relationships with those whom we seek to love. Suppose a husband loves his wife. But not free from such vice as envy. And it will happen that his wife will achieve great success in the professional field. And in some social circle she will be given more respect than her husband. Because of his envy, the husband will resent his wife, hold a grudge. His love will suffer damage because it is imperfect.

If there are several vices? Love is doomed...

And imagine the person whom the apostle Paul describes. He is patient, merciful, not envious, not selfish, not selfish, always calm, does not suspect others of something bad, does not gloat, covers up the mistakes of others with silence or a kind word, trusts others and hopes for them, endures all difficulties. Agree, you can live with such a person. And as with a friend, and as with a spouse, and as with a father or mother. With such a person it is good, his love is reliable. It is impossible to quarrel with him! And it is easy for us to love him - with friendly, conjugal or filial love.

"Love is a gift from God."

Our understanding of love will be flawed if we limit ourselves to the idea that love is within us, and do not think about where it comes from to us, where it even came from. After all, the data of modern science refute the possibility of spontaneous generation of a living cell from nothing. They also refute the possibility of the appearance of a person by an evolutionary path uncontrolled from the outside (the universe does not yet exist for as long as it would take for this, according to the theory of probability). And even more so, there is no reason to believe that such a miracle as love appeared by itself, as a result of accidents at the micro or macro biological level.

The only theory of the origin of love known to mankind is that love is given to us by God. By His love and infinite creative power, we were created by Him. Out of love for us, in order to save us, He sent His Son to us to preach and heal our sins of suffering. Those properties of love that we know, and which we have listed above, fully correspond to the properties of God. God loves us selflessly. He wants nothing from us, except that we be happy. He does not depend on us. He shines on all of us, both evil and good, giving us all the blessings of the earth. He is merciful and easily forgives us. He gave us a complete, even terrible degree of freedom.

And love for another person He gives us. What is love? Perhaps this is a look at another person through the eyes of God. God, under external dirt and tinsel, sees in us the immortal, beautiful soul. He sees not only how badly we live, but also how beautiful we are in separate moments of life and could always be. Mutual love is when God opens two people's eyes to each other. He, as it were, puts us on his knees opposite each other, hugs us and says: “Look, children, this is what you really are!”

It is no coincidence that in mutual love a person who loves us helps to reveal our talents and good qualities: after all, he sees all the good that is in us, almost as clearly as God Himself.

And holy people love everyone. This means that, being in God, they see through the eyes of God of all people. And that's why they love us so much that it's strange even to us how it is possible to love us like that. After all, it would seem that we ourselves know what we are. And for some reason, God values ​​the soul of each person more than the whole universe!

"Love is almost always mutual."

Since love is given by a God who wants us to be happy, it is not surprising that true love is almost always reciprocated. In rare cases, non-reciprocal love can be given to a person to solve important creative problems, to comprehend some truths.

In most cases of "unrequited love" we are dealing not with love, but with passions.

Does love depend on us

I have singled out this question because it is the most practical of all questions related to love.

If we accept the truth that love is the pinnacle of the virtues, we will have to abandon the myth that love is good weather, she comes, she goes, regardless of our desire. This myth is invented in order to relieve oneself of responsibility for the murder of love. After all, we are able to recover from vices and acquire virtues. If we don't, we kill love. Love cannot stand our evil. Annoyed by our passions, we jump off the knees of God (after all, He has given us complete freedom, He does not keep us by force from Himself) and stop seeing each other through His eyes. And each other's flaws after intimacy We now see how clearly! ..

What are we focusing on in our lives at the moment when we fall in love? On a career, on pleasures, on making money, on creativity, on some kind of success, on fluttering in the networks of some kind of addiction.

This means that we are almost never worthy of the love that we receive for nothing. After all, everything we are concerned about does not lead us to the virtues, and therefore does not bring us closer to love.

I am deeply amazed when I think about the faith of God in us, His patience and love, which prompts Him to give us a spark of His love again and again. After all, He knows how we will dispose of this love in most cases.

How should we, in theory, treat this gift of love, which "accidentally appeared"? Realizing that love is the most beautiful and valuable thing in our life, we should immediately reconsider the priorities of our activities. When a child is born, much in the life of parents is pushed aside, giving way to caring for him. Likewise with love. When love came, it's time to realize that love came when we were completely unprepared for it! Because we have few virtues, which means that we do not know how to love. It's like the lack of food for the child from the parents. Of course, we will put in the first place work on ourselves, caring for love. Otherwise, this child will die of starvation. Otherwise this love will die.

This is what we should do if we understand anything in this life.

How do we really do it? In most cases, for us, falling in love is just an opportunity to get another pleasure, the pleasure of sex with a person who is especially pleasant to us. Instead of cultivating virtues in oneself, one gets an increase in the vice of fornication. This is the same as taking a newborn child by the legs - and head against a stone. What care is there for his food, what are you talking about! ..

How God believes in us, how He endures this and still gives us sparks of love!

Or maybe he doesn’t give it to many, knowing what they will do? Maybe that's why many people say that there is no love, or they only know passion, that the sparks of love never reached them?

Even if you belong to these last ones, all is not lost for you. Let's start learning to love now, overcoming our vices, and God will give us His spark. And if we intensify our work when falling in love comes, then we will keep it and in time we will know the depth of true love.

How to work on yourself?

You need to overcome bad habits and do good deeds. Good deeds - only really good ones - are necessary to bring us closer to love. Because a person usually does good out of love. And if we, not yet having love in ourselves, are already trying to do good, love gradually grows in us.

But what if you are already married and are afraid of losing the love that you have?

If you are afraid of losing, then you will find the courage to work. Family life is in itself a school of love. She constantly, several times a day, puts us before the question: “Who will I obey, my love or my vices?” This question arises when the wife asks (or does not ask) to take out the trash can when we are lying on the couch. This question arises when the husband came home late from work. This question always arises when our selfishness tries to get the better of our love. Always say to yourself, "I choose love." As one confessed in his essay a famous person, he, after many trials of family life, made it a rule never to allow himself to say even mentally about his wife: "I do not love." This is a wonderful recipe. It just means that a person always chooses love between passions and love. He made this a rule for himself, because he knows that he wants to keep this love for life. It takes effort and patience. But love rewards all efforts with a vengeance!

Overcoming love addiction

To the question of how to overcome the tendency to love addiction, I will answer with a figurative example.

Imagine two countries - Russia and Belarus. Russia has oil fields, Belarus does not. Therefore, Belarus is dependent on oil supplies from Russia. This is an unpleasant state for Belarus, which leads to conflicts between the two countries.

How can Belarus get out of this dependence?

Whatever values ​​Belarus offers Russia for oil, dependence will still remain. And if, instead of Russia, Belarus buys oil in another country, it will again be a dependence. Therefore, there is only one way out of dependence - to look for and discover oil deposits on its territory and start extracting it. If Belarus produces a lot of oil, then Belarus will not only cease to be dependent on oil-producing countries, but will itself become a country on which others will depend.

The same is true for people. In order to stop depending on the warmth, love of people, you need to start generating this warmth, this love in yourself and sharing it with people.

Another example is from astronomy. There are stars - red-hot celestial bodies that emit light. And there are black holes - superdense cosmic bodies, which, due to their monstrous gravity, do not release anything from themselves, not even light, they only attract and absorb. In this example, the addict is like a black hole, and the stars are kind, generous people.

This means that a person ceases to be dependent if he begins to shine on other people and warm them with his warmth.

What is oil in the first example and light in the second? The “resource” that all people need so much is love. This is the scarcest and most expensive resource in our time. No matter what anyone says about the value of money, fame, power, pleasure, without love, all these things are not encouraging. And the one who has love is happy, even if he has nothing else.

Therefore, when we, overcoming our addiction, learn to shine on people, we need to carefully look so that our love is exactly true selfless love. And not by mercenary trade - I do or give you something material, and in return I expect gratitude or love. This is what dependent women do in marriage, and then they are surprised: “How is it, I gave him everything, lived for him, and he left, ungrateful!” No, you didn't give him everything. You gave him only time and labor. It's great if it's done out of love. And you gave him your time in an unconscious calculation of his love. That is, at the level of love, you were a vampire, tormenting him with expressed and silent expectations. And it is not surprising that he could not endlessly be a donor (although outwardly he could seem like a lazy person giving nothing).

Therefore, let us learn true love, true selfless luminosity. Remember, as in Mayakovsky: “Shine always, shine everywhere, until the last days of the bottom, shine and no nails! Here is my slogan and the sun!”

The question may arise - where can Belarus get oil if it simply does not exist on the land of Belarus?

This is where love differs from oil. If there is oil, it is there until you use it up. And love comes when you give it. And the more you use it, the more it is in your reservoirs. By striving for true love, by doing genuine good deeds, you will see how your heart is filled with love.

Love does not come from nowhere, just as life does not come from nothing. Love has a Source - like an inexhaustible reservoir of oil, like an endless ocean of light, in which there are more stars than molecules in the ocean.

This Source is so rich and so generous that it gives us love without demanding anything for Itself and only rejoices because it fills us with love.

The time will come - and if you follow the path of love and want your love to be perfect, you will discover this Source for yourself, then you will see that you have found more than you were looking for ...

Overcoming our addiction, we learn to shine ourselves on the unfortunate who need our love. Giving to people is no less rewarding than receiving from them. This is the true independence, joy and value of life.

Dmitry Gennadievich, I read your article, it was very informative and super cool for me! Please give me an answer to one question. She says that she loves me very much, but she is used to being alone and will always love the 3rd 10th, well, don’t waste your time on me, you need a family, and I can’t give you this, how can I understand her? Thank you. with Uv. Rapper (Joe Frey)

Dima (Joe Frey), age: 03/27/11/2019

Thank you - for the sun-pierced, bright, unclouded View of the World - for the most sincere Prayer - Prayer own existence!

olga , age: 49 / 09/09/2018

Thank you) I found the article by accident and was surprised, because my mother said the same words to me. You just confirmed my thoughts and my mother's advice, for which I express my gratitude.

Unfortunately, not a virgin, age: 17/21.03.2018

Thank you, you wrote what was somewhere in the depths of me

Tanyusha, age: 01/31/2018

Thank you very much, I liked the article very much, I agree with everything, it is interesting how the romantic and intimate side of true love between M. and J. looks like, maybe there is an article.

Katerina, age: 24/02.11.2017

Thank you for the article.

Lyudmila, age: 37 / 12/19/2016

Very often people try to explain things that they simply can’t explain. Just as you can’t hear radio waves with your ear or see infrared radiation with your eyes, so a carnal person doesn’t understand the spiritual. spiritual and love and there is that spiritual gift that we receive about God when we come to Him. God in Christ pours into us and with Him we receive everything that He is, including including love, because God is love! Without God, we remain evil, no matter how hard we try to change ourselves!

Vladimir, age: 68 / 04.12.2016

Interesting article. One of the most capacious and at the same time widely answering such a question as "What is love?" Thanks to the author, very cool, a lot of useful information in the article. My only opinion is that you need to give and radiate love correctly, and serve people in the same way. Otherwise, there will be people who, to put it mildly, will begin to abuse your love, to vampire. And the same husband can build a career receiving energy from his wife. And then leave, finding a fresh source of energy. It is very important to understand the kind of people you surround yourself with. And just like all cosmic bodies, so do people influence each other. Therefore, you need to consider what influence the people around you have on you. Respect and thanks from pure heart the most important thing in communication. And most importantly, be honest with yourself. Love and thanks to all!!!

Tatyana, age: 35 / 09/23/2016

Sashenka, age: 36 / 08/06/2016

Thank you for an excellent article. As one friend said, "The thinner and higher the matter, the more difficult it is to describe it in words." Recently, I often think about the essence of love, and this article is very in tune with my thoughts. The idea is expressed precisely and clearly, although the theme is complex and subtle. Once again I come to the conclusion that if I want to be involved in the miracle of love, I must work on my soul, on my vices and passions.

Anna, age: 31/20.06.2016

This is a good article, but not for the portal of realists, who have power in truth. Here, as elsewhere, philosophical conjectures, and without evidence. I am very glad that the author of the article has found the state of love. Here the main emphasis is on the spiritual leaving (moreover, of a Christian persuasion) and the method "from the contrary" about psychological deviations. The main conclusion: love is a spiritual work. But it's more like self-sacrifice or compassion, but where the hell is love?

George, age: 28 / 17.06.2016

Thank you very much for your conclusions and thoughts. They left a deep mark and response in my soul and I understood how to proceed further on my life path. I found answers to many questions that will help me live on. Once again: Thank you very much!! !

Natalia, age: 38 / 21.05.2016

Reading this and similar articles, an already fading desire to do something reappears, we can say that this is some kind of inexplicable "motivator", even though in principle I understood everything written in my subconscious, when reading everything again becomes into place, the light in the soul is lit again, and God grant us this time to keep it longer. "Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me!"

Oleg, age: 18 / 14.04.2016

Thank you Dmitry, a lot is now obvious, a lot is clear, both mistakes and behavior), thank you and God bless you)))))

Alexander, age: 30 / 18.02.2016

“Love does not limit freedom”... I reached this place and completely ran out of steam... Excuse me... Well, how does love not limit freedom, huh? That is, live, my love, where you want, with whom you want, do what you want, eat and drink what you want - and I'm already glad that you are somewhere ... This is more like a mental disorder, not for love. If you love a person - you want to be with him, it's obvious! And if they don’t love you in return, then they don’t want to live with you - this is also obvious! This is called loneliness - and this is bad, and not from some kind of childish dislike. Why dig so deep? A person lives here and now - if you are loved, you have money, an interesting job - then what does childish resentment have to do with it?))) yelling at your wife, the wife was offended and left you, etc., etc. - then again, childhood has nothing to do with it.

Current, age: 36 / 26.08.2015

Thank you for this article, God himself showed it to me, because now I want to open this source of love in myself, the one that does not seek its own, and be happy!

Natalia, age: 01/26/2015

I completely agree with this article, only after 10 years I began to understand how much I love my husband, and when he broke his spine and became a wheelchair user, we became even closer, I thank God every day that he remained alive and next to me, little who believes, but I am happy. Together we are 18 years old, he has been in a wheelchair for 3 years, I thought that over the years it would be more difficult, but oddly enough, on the contrary, it is easier.

Angelica, age: 38 / 16.01.2015

Thank you Dmitry!!! There is hope!!!

Ira, age: 34/11.01.2015

"But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship, is a little different from masturbation..." In my opinion, masturbation is much better... But, unfortunately, if a person could not start a family, he cannot remain a virgin forever....

Zhenya Zh, age: 32 / 05/28/2014

Everyone is looking for true love! Without her, the world is not nice. and the meaning of life without it is simply NO.

Avatar, age: 25 / 05/08/2014

Dear Vladimir! Thank you very much for the article. I read it, trying it on myself, I realized that I was still very far from true love. Continue to write such articles, they really help young people to decide. God bless you in your work!

Maria, age: 20 / 23.03.2014

Vladimir, God is love, this is the essence. True love is from God, the ability and desire to love are also, whereas how can one speak of love, rejecting the One Who gives it?

Anna, age: 27 / 24.02.2014

Very good article! The connection between vices / passions and love is simply obvious, but unfortunately few people understand it. 7 vices from the point of view of Christianity very well describe the ways of deviating from a life of love and joy. Indeed, most say "I love", meaning "I am attached." The truth agrees with Konstantin, religion was dragged here in vain. It doesn't really matter which God controls it. Maybe there are green men, or maybe Love is God. The main thing is the essence.

Vladimir, age: 01/31/2014

thanks for the article, in fact, I had everything written before and only after reading I realized that I had lost it, but I will definitely return it, thank you.

alexey, age: 31/24.12.2013

Love comes like mother's milk. The more you feed, give, the more milk is produced. As soon as you stop feeding, it disappears altogether. Thanks to the site as a whole and, especially, to D. Semenik and A. Kolmanovsky.

light, age: 38 / 30.08.2013

I read and read, like a good article, postulates the right things, and then bam - and it is impossible without the church. And I can't take the article any further.

Konstantin, age: 04/24/2013

Andrey, age: 42 / 02/24/2013

God save you, Dmitry!! In fact, you set out the dogmatic basis of Love in a simple and intelligible language!!! because they are evil! It’s just that not everyone knows WHAT priorities should be adhered to STRONGLY, to the point of bloodshed ... In order to grow to real saving Love ... Your position is very close to me !! Once again, many thanks to you from one exhausted soul ..)) )

Ilya, age: 52 / 01/20/2013

I'm afraid I won't find the right words to express my gratitude... Thank you! Thank you! Thank you a thousand times!!! And thank God for pushing me to find and read your article! I read and find answers to many of my questions ... This is how I understand love for myself. But for a long time I didn’t understand why she wasn’t in my life .. Now I know: I myself was not capable of such love, I didn’t know how to love .. And I don’t know how. And how much and how long I still need to work on myself so that God will give me the opportunity to feel this happiness ...... By the way, one gift of God (although what I say, of course, not one) I have already received: it was during reading I realized from your article that I forgave very important people in my life .. What I could not do for a long time WELL! And .. a few holes in the vessel of my soul, with God's help, I managed to patch :)

Elena, age: 22 / 07.11.2012

I got it. Forget about sex and start loving. Joke, of course. But such a conclusion can be drawn by running through the article. But after all, God just rewarded us with sexuality and sexual needs. So to reduce the Love of a woman and a man to respect and friendship, in my opinion, is not entirely correct. What happens to us when we fall in love?

Roman, age: 30 / 07/26/2012

Very good article, read it. Here you write "Love is almost always mutual" it's good that you wrote "almost". I'm in this state right now non-reciprocal love. This is when you give everything to your loved one, and you really want to get some of his warmth. And how to love when love is not mutual? Just keep giving?

Vladimir, age: 32/14.07.2012

That's right. I also think, and not that I doubt it, but I have not met people with such an understanding. Now I am happy because I have read your article and my confidence has increased a hundredfold. Thank you! How would it be now to meet a person who also understands this!

Grana, age: 36 / 04/12/2012

Thanks a lot

Valery, age: 18 / 12.04.2012

(Morgan Scott Peck)
Consequences of premarital sex Nancy Vanpelt)
Love is not a feeling Morgan Scott Peck)
True love ( Philosopher Ivan Ilyin)

Words with special meaning

Words... Tenderness... Devotion... Caring... Sincerity... Innocence... Happiness... Experience... Pessimism... Pride... Feeling of loneliness... Hatred... Pain... Trust... Guilt... Beauty of soul and body... Affection... These words carry with them special meaning and meaning.

Wise Truths

True love is like life, given once and for all!

Love is an element that is comparable only to death. If you love - ready to do anything and only death can stop ...

Love is communication, joyful for both, but incomprehensible to everyone.

Love is the purest and most pleasant feeling on earth, and at the same time a complex and sometimes very incomprehensible feeling.

Just one word "love" can turn the whole world.

Love is the very thread that binds two souls.

Love is the selfless desire to make someone happy! My definition reflects the deep essence of this feeling and helps to distinguish it from all other feelings, and most importantly from passion! Passion is a strong feeling that dominates other motives of a person, subjugating all his thoughts, feelings and desires to focus on the subject of passion. Passion is characterized by stability, intensity, purposefulness.

Love is what makes a person live.

Love is a sacrifice for the beloved.

Love turns and changes you inside and out.

Love is something that cannot be expressed in a single word. So know that if there are such signs, you have found the most expensive gold in your life. Look don't lose it!!!

Love creates problems that need to be solved together.

Love is the meaning for which we came here. Love is above all emotions, it is an element that can do a lot. Love can only be compared with another force. With death.

Love is when a husband gets up at 4 o'clock in the morning to calm down crying baby and tries not to wake her beloved.

Love is loyalty, devotion, tenderness and crazy sex.

Love is the true and only correct state of a person.

Love is such a state of mind when you cannot live without a loved one, he is necessary like air, like life, and a moment of separation from him seems like an eternity...

Love is when two people in love do not look at each other, but look in the same direction.

Love destroys the most powerful thing in a person: "PRIDE" and "PRELOVE".

Love is a game that always cheats.

Love is the sum total of perfection...

Love is a feeling that frees from all the burden and pain of life...

Love is when you don't give a damn about prejudices and other people's opinions. You and he (or she) and all.

Love is a relationship free from any coercion, full of care, warmth and self-giving, it is a relationship in which people love absolutely and unconditionally, they devote themselves entirely to the well-being of the other, his comfort and development, they give each other the opportunity to avoid pain, loneliness and longing, they provide each other the opportunity for self-dissolution.

Love is a drug. At first, there is euphoria, lightness, a feeling of complete dissolution. You want more the next day. You haven't had time to get involved yet, but while you like the feeling, you're sure you can do without them. You think about your favorite being for 2 minutes and forget about it for 3 hours. But gradually you get used to it and get completely addicted. And then, you think about it for 3 hours and forget for two minutes.

Love is patience, it is never jealous, it is not boastful or conceited, it is not rude or selfish, it is never offended or indignant, love forgives sins and illuminates the truth, it is always ready to forgive, trust, hope and endure... Whatever happens....

The attraction of the soul breeds friendship. Attraction of the mind breeds respect. The attraction of the body generates passion and desire. The combination of the three drives creates love. This is the true feeling!

Love is a feeling of great affection for a person. When this chela is not around, it is sadness and sadness, and great happiness when you are together. You cannot live without him even a minute, just as he cannot live without you. Love is a passion, it is a constant extreme. This is what we live for...

I LOVE YOU ... How often do we inadvertently throw these words without thinking about them true meaning! But true love is so rare. It is often confused with affection, passion or attraction. But LOVE is more than that. She inspires, makes you forget about everything in the world. And, unlike other feelings, it does not pass, but steadily takes root in our heart. LOVE is felt in everything: it illuminates even the most cloudy day with the sun, it heals all severe wounds and illnesses....

Love is to wake her up with gentle caresses and kisses.

Love is to remove everything that distracts, so that in fact there are only two. Turn off the TV, send the kids to the neighbors, turn off the phone and doorbell.

Love is framed greeting card received from her.

Love is calling her from work to see if she needs to buy anything for her on her way home.

Love is to come to the airport, meet her - regardless of the time of arrival of the plane or the inconvenience for you.

Love is having a poem brought to your table in a restaurant.

Love is sending her a card every day you're not together.

Love is to trust each other.

Love is a state of mind. If the soul is arranged correctly, you can even clean the bathroom with love; if something is wrong with the soul, even walks on a moonlit beach can be turned into combat.

When "I" and "you" decide to become a couple, a new unit called "we" is born.

Love is the harmony of two souls singing together.

To love means to create. Creation is an expression of love.

Romantic acts are an expression of love. It's not the same as love, it's the language of love.

Romantic courtship is a process. Love is the goal.

The kiss is nature's beautiful trick to stop speech when words become redundant.

It's never too late to fall in love.

Happiness is to love and be loved.

True love has nothing happy ending, because true love never ends.

Letting go is one way to say "I love you".

Love turns winter into summer.

You call it Madness and I call it Love.

Where there is love, there is life.

Love conquers everything.

Love is like fire. You never know if it will heat up your hearth or burn down your house.

Why, when we love so much, we can't pick up Right words to express it.

Love allows you to do things that you thought were unbelievable.

You can conquer with a saber, but you will be conquered with a kiss

Love is happiness, pain, experiences, joy. Love is the most beautiful thing in this world. The main thing is not to miss it. If you love a person and he loves you, try to trust him. Please your lover more with different surprises, because if a person loves you, he doesn’t need expensive gifts with diamonds, the main thing is to respect your beloved, to appreciate, and a beautiful little flower would be enough.

Share with your loved one your desires. Know how to listen to your lover (s), consult with her or him, make compliments to each other. Protect your love, do not let this miracle built by you interfere. Do not listen to anyone - enjoy this wonderful feeling. Do not be jealous, do not think about the bad. Rejoice that you know how to love so much. And even if it so happened that you broke up, do not be disappointed, keep in your heart the best memories and dreams that you built together.

Thank God that you have experienced this wonderful feeling, and that you know how to love and be loved!

Love is... in the statements and quotes of philosophers, writers, psychologists, sociologists, artists, humanists, theologians, teachers, historians, statesmen and public figures, scientists, poets, and just famous and prominent people. Bright, interesting with humor and serious, deep, and sometimes very simple ... In general, the most interesting thoughts about what love is.
Love is a delightful deceit that a person agrees to willingly.
Alexander Pushkin

Love is selfishness together.
Germaine de Stael

Love is... a manifestation of the immortal principle in a mortal being.
Plato

Love is mutual sacrilege.
Karol Izhikovsky

Love is happiness that trembles with fear.
D. H. Gibran

Love is an ocean of feelings surrounded by costs everywhere.
Thomas Dewar

Paul Geraldi

Love is happiness that is given to each other.
George Sand

Love is a short period of time when a person of the opposite sex has exactly the same opinion about us as we do.
Magdalena the Pretender

Love is a priceless gift. It's the only thing we can give and yet you keep it.
Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

Paulo Coelho

Love is a reward received without merit.
Ricarda Huh

Love is not the mournful groan of a distant violin, but the triumphant creak of bed springs.
Sydney Pearlman

Love is the most proven way to overcome shame.
Sigmund Freud

Love is a card game in which both are bluffing: one to win, the other not to lose.
Henri Renier

Love is a miracle of civilization.
Stendhal

Love is the way to hear "Darling" or "Darling" after having sex.
Julian Barnes

Love is the triumph of the imagination over the intellect.
Henry Louis Mencken

Love is all. And that's all we know about her.
Emily Dickinson

Love is the energy of life.
Robert Browning

To love is not to look at each other, to love is to look together in the same direction.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Love is all you need.
John Lennon

Love - it's solid traps and traps. When she wants to make herself known, she shows only her light, and hides and hides the shadows generated by it.
Paulo Coelho

To love is to affirm the unique existence of another person.
S. L. Rubinstein

Love is the greatest feeling that generally works miracles, that creates new people, creates the greatest human values.
A. S. Makarenko

Love is a gift from heaven that requires to be cherished by the most perfect souls and my most beautiful imagination. Fervent pleasures are lulled by marriage, the gift of heaven is lost under the influence of gross and tasteless depravity, and profit turns it into a commodity.
K. Helvetius

Love is not one of the attributes of the Divine, but the sum of all His attributes.
D. Gibbons

Love is a violent attraction to that which runs away from us.
M. Montaigne

Love is always a path to another, the search for "other oneself" ...
N. A. Berdyaev

Love is the shortest way from one heart to another: a straight line.
M. Bedil

Love is the consciousness of one's true life, one in everything. Children, coming from THERE, still clearly feel this life and its only fully accessible manifestation in love. Consciousness of one's personal life is self-deception. Old age gradually frees from it. Completely liberates death.
L. N. Tolstoy

Love is the focus human life.
T. Gyatso
To love means to look in the same direction together? Perhaps, but only if they are not watching TV.
Gilbert Sesbron

To love means to stop comparing.
Bernard Grasse

François Mauriac

Love is the most best cosmetics.
Gina Lollobrigida

Love is not the beginning of life, but only the recognition of the consciousness of the beginning of life, God.
L. N. Tolstoy

Love is the highest and ultimate goal that a person can aspire to. The salvation of man lies in love and is achieved through love.
V. E. Frankl

Love is a delusion that one woman is different from another.
Henry Louis Mencken

Love is the best cosmetic. But cosmetics are easier to buy.
Yves Saint Laurent

Love is toothache in heart.
Heinrich Heine

What is love? .. Probably, this is a mosaic of feelings from which not a single pebble can be thrown out.
A. B. Mariengof

To love is to see a miracle invisible to others.
F. Mauriac

Love is a miracle, a moral miracle.
V. V. Rozanov

Love is the real Orpheus, who lifted humanity from the animal state.
E. Renan

Love is a reverent, religious perception of a particular living being, seeing in him some kind of divine principle. All true love, whether the lover himself realizes it or not, is essentially a religious feeling.
S. L. Frank

Your love is my altar.
Euripides

Love is the highest reality, the root cause ... Love is the ultimate goal of world history, amen to the universe.
Novalis

Love is eternal prosperity.
John of the Ladder

Love is pain, love is scars, love is wounds and marks.
Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and marks
Nazareth

Love is the true, highest good, which resolves all the contradictions of life and not only destroys the fear of death, but also attracts a person to the sacrifice of his existence for others.
L. N. Tolstoy

Love is the cause of all blessings.
Ephraim Sirin

... Love is generally a precious blessing, happiness and consolation of human life - moreover, its only true basis ...
S. L. Frank

Love is good. Not without reason, in fact, at all times, among almost all civilized peoples, love in the broadest sense and the love of a husband for his wife is called love. If love is often cruel and destructive, then the reason is not in love itself, but in the inequality of people.
A. P. Chekhov

The highest value on this Earth is Love.
A. A. Blok

To love means to wish for another what you consider to be good, and to wish, moreover, not for your own sake, but for the sake of the one you love, and to try as far as possible to deliver this good to him.
Aristotle

Love is the salt of virtues.
Ephraim Sirin

Love is the sister of high thoughts.
S. P. Schipachev

Love according to God is a transition from evil.
John of the Ladder

Love is the enemy of excess. In it, as in food, one should give preference not to quantity, but to quality.
A. and S. Golon

Love is, as it were, a kind of tender singing from the depths; but the depth of the inspirited instinct can be touched by the temptation and sing from the pleasure of sin.

Love is kindness - not only because it surrounds its beloved object with sympathy, cares about it, suffers and rejoices with it, but also because love, in itself, gives a person happiness and arouses in a happy person the need to make everything and everyone around him happy and enjoy this other people's happiness as a radiation of his own.
I. A. Ilyin

To love is the only meaning of life. And the meaning of meanings, the meaning of happiness.
P. Verlaine

Love is the last and most severe childhood illness.
author unknown

Love is our second birth.
O. Balzac

Love is rebirth.
V. V. Rozanov

Love is the treasury of happiness: the more it gives, the more it receives.
W. Muller

Love is nothing but the desire for happiness for another person.
D. Hume

Love is fire, longing for happiness.
His irresistible power
Every creature is subject.
Lope de Vega

Love is the motto of human life.
D. D. Minaev

Love is life itself; but not an unreasonable, suffering and perishing life, but a blissful and endless life.
L. N. Tolstoy

…Love is the root of life.
V. V. Rozanov

Love is the sweet core of life.
German

Love is the apotheosis of life.
A. I. Herzen

Love is the one and complete activity of true life.
L. N. Tolstoy

Love is the will to live.
M. Gorky

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is real; mixing the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Love is, as it were, the universal energy of life, which has the ability to turn evil passions into creative passions.
Nikolai Alexandrovich Berdyaev

Love is the great ornament of life. She makes nature bloom, play with colors, sing wonderful songs, dance magnificent dances.
A. V. Lunacharsky

Love is the apotheosis of beauty, beauty is the woman herself.
D. D. Minaev

Love is a magnificent, graceful flower, crowning and ending an individual life; but he, like all flowers, must be opened on one side, better side his to the sky of the universal.
A. I. Herzen

Love is the connection of a loved one with one's most sincere ideas, the realization through him of one's meaning of life.
A. P. Platonov

Love is both the meaning and the goal of the whole essence of existence, -
Any living being lives by love alone.
Hafiz Khorezmi

… But if love… is a striving for the eternal possession of the good, then along with the good, it is impossible not to desire immortality. So, love is the desire for immortality.
Socrates

Love is the greatest reward for a person.
D. D. Minaev

Love is an active action, not a passive acceptance. It is “standing in…”, not “falling somewhere”. In the very general view the active character of love can be described by the statement that love means first of all to give and not to receive.
Erich Fromm

Love is a priceless gift. This is the only thing that can be given, and yet you will have it.
author unknown

Love is a free gift.
I. Goethe

Love is the most morning of our feelings.
B. Fontenelle

Love is an intimate and personal sphere of life in which society does not dare to interfere.
Nikolai Berdyaev

Love is the most powerful of human feelings; friendship is the noblest and most delicate addition to love.
Unknown author

Love is the highest feeling; it is as much higher than friendship as religion is higher than speculation, as much as the enthusiasm of a poet is higher than the thought of a scientist. Religion and love, they do not take a part of the soul, they do not need a part, they do not look for a modest corner in the heart, they need the whole soul, they do not share, they intersect, merge.
A. I. Herzen

Love is not just a subjective feeling, by virtue of which what we love “likes” us, gives us joy or pleasure. The object of love often, on the contrary, gives us grief and suffering ...
S. L. Frank

Love is a wonderful, exciting, touching feeling.
J. Bedier

Love is the child of illusion and at the same time the mother of disappointment.
Miguel de Unamuno

Love is the most intimate and inviolable feeling.
V. A. Sukhomlinsky

Love is the truest kindred.
And there is no closer in the world to him.
Lope de Vega

Love is a man's attempt to be satisfied with a single woman.
P. Geraldi

Love - main way an escape from the loneliness that plagues most men and women for most of their lives.
B. Russell

Love is a ring, and a ring has no end.
Russian folk proverb

Love is a set of emotions, actions and beliefs, united by a strong sense of affection, security, warmth and respect for another person.

In addition, the concept of love can be applied to animals, abstract phenomena, or religious beliefs. For example, a person might say that they love their cat, freedom, or God.

The best thing you can hold on to in life is each other.
Audrey Hepburn

Love has always been a popular topic of discussion that has been raised by philosophers, poets, writers and scientists for countless generations, and many of them have derived a different formula of love, having their own view on its definition, conditions of occurrence and forms of manifestation.

While most researchers agree that love implies a strong sense of affection, there is much disagreement about its exact meaning, expressed in different attitude different people to her.

Characteristics of love:

1. A higher priority of the well-being and happiness of the object of love compared to one's own needs.
2. Strong sense of affection.
3. Feeling of attraction and respect.
4. Committed to helping and caring.
5. A combination of the above features.

There were many disputes whether love is a free choice, or it is able to enslave despite the presence of will, is it permanent or fleeting, love between family members and spouses is biologically programmed or imposed by society.

The concept of love can vary depending on the individual as well as the culture in question. The result of each dispute about love is closer to the truth in relation to some time or place.

For example, in some cases love may be a choice, while in others it may be an uncontrollable feeling.

Love, passion (falling in love), romantic love

Especially on early stages relationships, it can be difficult to tell the difference between love and passion (falling in love).

Combined with an overwhelming desire to be closer to the other person, both feelings are conditioned physical attraction and the intoxicating effects of hormones, but only one of them is characterized by the duration of existence - this is love.

Love- this is something that originates between two people and develops over a long period of time, experiencing many ups and downs of life along its way. Therefore, love requires time, fidelity, mutual trust and acceptance of a person as he is.

Passion associated with sexual experiences, which in the beginning attract people to each other and are fueled by the desire to reproduce.

Passion, by blurring your consciousness with hormones and idealizing the personality of its object, dulls the ability to see a person in his true light, and therefore it is not always able to become a direct path to long-term relationships.

The ideal scenario for a strong relationship involves a balanced combination of love and passion.

Love, i.e. passion another person, together with a sense of affection form romantic love, which is an important early stage in a long-term relationship.

Rekindling the original spark of passion is a practice that happy couples must be adhered to.

Love and passion. Differences

To determine for yourself the difference between love and passion, answer yourself these 5 questions.

1. Does your relationship make you a better person?

Only love can make you feel that you are capable of anything, and for an extended period of time.

Passion carries the opposite, destructive force. It stops you through restrictions on your freedom and implicit prohibitions on self-realization.

Passion worsens the quality of life of both partners, while love gives freedom, motivates, makes lovers better.

2. Where is your "I"?

Is your Ego at the heart of your relationship, or is your loved one at the center of it?

Do you prefer to give or receive?

Do you keep track of how much you have done for your partner and how much he has done for you?

If you're willing to do whatever it takes for your girlfriend or boyfriend without looking at your own gain, from sending love messages to sacrificing your beliefs and principles, then it's most likely love.

When you are in love, the other person's happiness is more important to you than your own well-being.

Passion is self-centered, love is completely selfless.

3. What attracts you to your partner?

Passion for another person operates mainly on a physical level, causing you to admire the appearance, body, voice, gait or object of attraction.

Love, first of all, is aimed at the personality of the partner, his inner world, way of thinking, life values ​​and other inner qualities.

Physical attractiveness is of course also important, but to a much lesser extent.

Thus, passion is based on external attraction, love is based on internal personal values.

4. Are you being yourself in relationships?

If each of you can answer "Yes", you are definitely meant for each other.

If you are able to be yourself, telling your loved one about the most personal things, doing what you like, and not trying to control your behavior, you can be sure that this is love.

Honesty, complete trust, understanding, intimacy, mutual sympathy and romantic feelings create a stable platform for a long-term union.

When you don't have to wear masks to cover your true face; when you are not afraid that you will be misunderstood, rejected, ridiculed, condemned for who you are; when you are always trying to understand your partner's actions without judgment - these are all ingredients of true love, not passion.

Passion dictates the rules, and love frees you from inner enslavement, it does not condemn, it comes to you for who you are.

5. Are you ready to develop together?

Love cannot fail or break. She is able to withstand all kinds of life obstacles that arise on a joint path, finding a way out of any prevailing circumstances.

If you feel that you can always be with this person, regardless of whether you receive the same amount of care and warmth as you give, this is love.

Passion is temporary and transient, so sooner or later the relationship based on it will end.

Passion ignites and goes out, ceasing to exist. Love is strong, deep and constant.

Love is timeless.

Love and Mental Health

And while there is no single truth about the definition of love, most people agree that love plays a critical role in both physical and mental well-being.

Benefits of love:

1. The lack of love and care that children may experience is almost always in varying degrees Negative influence for their future life.
2. The feeling of a lack of love has a strong relationship with low love, and can cause a state of depression.
3. People who live a life filled with love tend to be happier.
4. Love and a sense of emotional unity can have a direct impact on health by boosting immunity.

Love and physiology

From an evolutionary perspective, love can be seen as a survival tool—a mechanism we have evolved to promote long-term relationships, mutual protection, and parental support.

When you realize that someone is attractive to you, love, among other things, begins to manifest itself in the form of a biological process.

Your body reinforces what your mind already knows - this person makes you fill with amazing emotions.

When we feel close to another person, our brain signals the body to release hormones such as serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, dopamine, and norepinephrine.

These chemical substances make us drown in love thoughts and experience physical sensations that we associate with love.

More about “hormones of love”:

1. Serotonin. This hormone boosts your mood. Those who take certain illegal drugs cause a huge increase in serotonin levels. Instead, they could just find someone who would love them - and more benefits, and health would increase.

2. Oxytocin. It is the biological basis for love. This hormone is produced during sex, filling you with a feeling of attachment to your lover.

3. Vasopressin. Along with oxytocin, it is responsible for the feeling of closeness to someone.

4. Dopamine. Responsible for desire and reward, i.e. you feel great pleasure when you are rewarded with love, if it is expressed through kindness, touch, a date night or a feeling of happiness.

5. Norepinephrine. Developed when you fall in love and feel the excitement of wanting things to work out and develop well. Such physical sensations are manifested by a rapid heartbeat or wet palms.

Stages of love (relationship)

1. Falling in love

Falling in love is the most exciting stage of love, and many will agree with this.

When a man and a woman find each other attractive, a spark of attraction flares up between them, causing them to drown in an ocean of romance and passion.

At this stage, you just can't stop thinking about a girl or a guy, they are constantly on your mind. Right now, the meaning of the old saying “love is blind” is most clearly manifested.

This stage of "charming" brings a lot of romantic emotions, laughter, flirting and playfulness, and all the negative traits of partners are ignored. great attention given to the similarities you both share.

People at this stage seem to “fly” being together and cannot wait to be near when they are separated. Butterflies fly in the stomach, and quivering hearts seem to freeze.

At such moments, most people are sure that they have found their soul mate, but the underlying cause of all these unbridled emotions is physiology.

“Love hormones” make you feel euphoric, cause fun mood, saturated with happiness, and increase the overall level of energy. It seems that you are a different person, your sexuality is at its peak, you feel that everything is within your reach, you are simply fearless.

While in this state, you, ignoring the main flaws in your partner, are able to marry before moving on to the next stage of love.

Undoubtedly considered romantic feeling seems beautiful as long as it lasts, but it can't last forever, even if you really want to.

Combining with a sense of intimacy and affection, falling in love transforms into romantic love.

2. Saturation (addictive)

After several months life together when the "chemistry of love" stops its active phase of influence, couples return to their usual selves with their usual mood and level of attraction.

Everything returns to normal, and instead of focusing on each other, the couple becomes more active in the professional field and in other daily activities.

Young people who are unaware of this stage of love may think that feelings have passed. Sometimes they can get upset because of the lack of attention from their lover.

Minor disagreements and even quarrels are a normal part of this stage. It is worth recognizing that healthy confrontation is natural because it helps both of you to better understand the situation.

When you learn how to deal with problems that arise and conflicts that flare up, your relationship will become more mature.

At this stage of love, you may wonder why your intimate life became a little insipid, or why sometimes you see your partner irritated.

You begin to evaluate your other half more objectively, and the conclusions that come to mind can cause delight or apathy.

What you need to do is move on. The best is yet to come, even if it seems to you that the relationship has faded.

3. Disgust (quarrels)

You may have many expectations from your loved one. You can even make an attempt to bring your partner closer to your ideal image.

This stage of love is like a power struggle, and sometimes relationships end if one side is too dominant over the other.

Instead of paying attention to existing similarities, as you cleverly did when falling in love, now you are focusing on the differences and shortcomings of your partner.

Some couples at this stage. Others, experiencing pain and dissatisfaction with relationships, come to the conclusion that true love is associated with compromises, and instead of withering in the conflicts that arise, you can find a way out with the help of understanding, warmth and kindness.

4. Humility (understanding)

Reaching this stage of love means that you now understand your partner much better.

At this stage, couples are in a joyful state, but do not stop making efforts, working on their relationship.

Now both partners accept each other for who they really are, but do not rest on your laurels. Avoid misunderstandings and keep getting to know each other better.

The stages of love can often bring turmoil to a relationship, but if you know they exist, moving from one stage to another is not such a difficult task for you.

To move to the next stage, accept each other's strengths and weaknesses. You need to focus on the positive, not focus on the negative things and learn about the goals and interests of each of you.

5. Study

Once a couple goes through the aforementioned stages of love, all unrealistic expectations tend to disappear.

Each of the parties begins to open up to each other more and there is a clearer understanding of how they can effectively work together in a relationship.

Couples begin to define and clarify their roles in relationships, as well as compatibility with each other.

Some issues need to be addressed, such as how much time a guy and a girl like to spend together, and how long to stay alone, how each side is used to expressing love and receiving it, etc.

Once couples can effectively communicate their needs to each other, they will be able to avoid many unpleasant things, such as aggressive behavior, avoidance, criticism or defensive stance.

Focus instead on understanding, compassion, forgiveness, and patience.

6. Proximity

This is the stage where they experience true intimacy. They support each other even better by giving and receiving love in return.

Ups and downs are an integral part of any relationship. However, the trust and loyalty of both partners will be able to carry them through these troubles without significant obstacles.

At this stage of love, each of you will stop being fixated on your own personality and turn your attention to what is best for the relationship.

Now you feel both unity, and individuality, and love for each other. At the same time, the spirit of unity still prevails, further strengthening your relationship.

At this stage, you feel like the perfect couple. Many lovers may even decide to tie their fate to family ties, since they have come this far.

7. Doubt

This stage usually occurs after many years of marriage. You can start thinking about your former lovers and past relationships, or start comparing your current partner to previous ones.

At this stage, much depends on the level of satisfaction with existing relationships. If you feel dissatisfied and hurt, you tend to blame your partner for it.

You may even begin to compare your relationship with other couples in your environment.

But do not add fuel to the fire, because you are able to go through this not the most cheerful stage.

8. Sexy

At this stage of love, your intimate life plays a key role. There may be changes in sexual preferences, when one of you becomes less interested in fulfilling wild fantasies, or, on the contrary, wants to arrange something incredible.

If there is a significant difference in your preferences, one of the partners may have an affair on the side.

The key to solving the main problem at this stage is to find creative approaches make your sex life more varied and exciting, thereby strengthening your relationship.

9. Love

This is the highest stage of a relationship when both partners fully love and trust each other. However, sometimes the complete trust that has developed can make you take each other for granted, so be careful.

At this stage of love, you know each other very well, you know what you can expect from each other, and you also have a clear idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe direction of the relationship.

Despite the fact that at this stage complete bliss and understanding reigned, do not stop appreciating and respecting your partner, because love should be constantly cultivated and developed.

Remember that love is like a plant that needs nourishment to keep it alive.

34 interesting facts about love

1. Monogamy

And while humans would like to think that we are completely different from the animal kingdom, we are not the only creatures whose relationships are characterized by monogamy.

Wolves, gibbons, albatrosses and even termites have been known to choose their soulmate for life.

2. Time required to assess attractiveness

The first impression is very important, especially when you consider that it takes only 4 minutes to decide whether you like a person or not.

Not only how he looks and what he says, but also his body language, as well as the tone and speed of his voice, have an influence.

3. Synchronization

If two lovers look into each other's eyes for a long time, their heartbeats will synchronize in about 3 minutes.

4. Addiction

Falling in love is similar to the effects of drugs, as similar parts of the brain are activated and similar chemical reactions are triggered.

Therefore, down with the use of illegal substances, instead love and be loved.

5. Headache Reduction

Oxytocin, the love hormone produced by the body during hugs, can help reduce headaches and help you sleep better.

The next time you get a headache, just pull your loved one closer to you.

6. Levels of attraction

People often fall in love and start relationships with those who have a similar level of attractiveness.

If in a relationship someone is physically more attractive, then, most likely, he compensates for the existing disadvantages due to the presence of other important socio-cultural qualities.

7. Too similar

Couples in which people are too similar tend to break up quickly.

Researchers have found that similarity helps form the foundation of a relationship, but if partners have nothing to learn from each other, they are more likely to drift apart.

So opposites attract.

8. Time limit

Scientists believe that the peak of falling in love or romantic love falls on a moment dated one year from the beginning of the relationship.

We remind you that it is falling in love that makes you experience euphoria and butterflies in your stomach.

After falling in love passes, the relationship ends or moves to a higher level, transforming into true love.

9. Associations

Research shows that thinking absorbed in love has positive influence on creativity, abstract thought, and long-term planning.

Reflections on fleeting intimate relationships affect immediate decision making and attention to the current moment.

10. Face or body?

People who are looking for a short-term fling care more about the attractive body of their partner than about the beauty of his face.

In contrast, those who want to enter into a long-term relationship prioritize the attractiveness of the face over the body.

11. Hold hands

The next time you are in stressful condition, try holding your loved one's hand, because romantic handshakes can help reduce stress levels and feelings of physical pain.

12. Gratitude

Expressing gratitude to a loved one leads to an immediate spike in happiness levels.

13. Butterflies in the stomach

Butterflies in the abdomen that you feel when you fall in love are the result of the body's production of the hormone adrenaline.

14. Pupils of the eyes

When you look at a loved one, even if it's just a photograph, the pupils of your eyes will dilate.

It should be added that people with dilated pupils are perceived as more attractive.

Therefore, it is not surprising that being in a relationship, you seem more attractive to the opposite sex.

15. Looking for love

Long-term research has led to the conclusion that the happiness and life of most people almost always revolve around love or the search for love.

Therefore, even if you do not find your other half, the search alone will lead to a happy life.

16. Lucky number seven

On average, people fall in love seven times before they finally decide to start a family. The seventh attempt, as a rule, becomes the reason for marriage.

17. Male look

During his life, a man on average spends a whole year looking at women.

18. Self-esteem

People with higher self-esteem tend to have longer and more successful relationships.

If you are not capable, why expect this high feeling from other people?

19. Emotions at parting

According to statistics, men are more prone to negative emotional impact in connection with a breakup than women.

20. Long life

It is believed that husbands who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer. And that's another five years extra to have your loved ones every morning.

21. Dislike

Some people are unable to experience love due to a condition called hypopituitarism, due to a decrease or complete cessation hormone production by the pituitary gland.

22. Symmetry

Facial symmetry is the basis of beauty and attractiveness, at least the human brain thinks so.

Those with symmetrical facial features are more likely to make love and have more admirers.

23. Pink glasses

The state of being in love suppresses the parts of the human brain responsible for the perception of social condemnation.

Nobody wants to think that they can fall in love with a terrible person.

24. Love Quest

Romantic situations involving obstacles in the path of lovers are important factors in falling in love, influencing how much you fall in love.

The longer the romantic path and the more intricacies, the brighter and stronger the feelings of love and longing manifest themselves.

25. Dark side of love

According to statistics, more than 50% of the murders of women are committed by their lovers or husbands.

26. Treason

Nearly 60% of married men said they were unfaithful to their wives. married women responded with a figure of 40%.

This information was compiled as a result of a survey, so dishonesty on the part of any group cannot be ruled out.

27. Crisis of four years

Most marriages around the world experience a relationship crisis after four years of marriage.

Next milestone, which the spouses have to overcome, awaits them after the next four years, i.e. on the occasion of the eight year anniversary.

28. Forever young

Usually, men first marry women who are their same age or younger within 3 years.

When remarrying, the age difference is usually about 5 years.

At the third time, the man most likely pays attention to women who are 8 or more years younger than him.

29. Biology

The desire to love, like the desire to eat food, is a biological stimulus with which we are born.

So even men are more lovers than warriors.

30. Dangerous Beloved

You are more likely to fall in love with someone (especially women) if you are in a dangerous situation.

31. Beer belly

Women are less attracted to men who decide to reward themselves with a beer belly.

The presence of an excessively protruding male abdomen indicates more low level testosterone, which means a reduced ability to reproduce.

32. Sense of humor

A sense of humor is most often associated with honesty and intelligence.

That's why most women are attracted to men who can show off their humor.

33. Competition

Male attractiveness increases if a man is surrounded by other women.

34. Voice

Men with lower voices female eyes seem more worthy of attention.