Why is the guy lonely? What is male loneliness

Loneliness is a problem in modern society, which is associated with the absence of loved ones. Among this loneliness there are also men. What is this reason? The first reason for a man’s loneliness is his character, the second is pathological personality phenomena.

A man may have several pathological reasons:

• - Inadequate self-esteem. You need to be prepared for the fact that when building a relationship with a loved one, criticism may arise in his direction, both positive and negative. If this negative side, then you need to try to increase your self-esteem, but if a person is not ready for this, then the relationship with his soul mate will remain on the sidelines.

• - Inability to communicate with people, lack of communication skills. Perhaps something happened to a person in the past unpleasant situation, someone laughed at him, and, coming to adult life, the man reveals a communication complex.

• - Presence of social phobia. This problem needs to be looked for much earlier, for example, in childhood. This problem could be caused by the early imposition on the child that he is already independent and an adult. If the parents sent the child to kindergarten not because he is psychologically ready, but because he has to, then this could also serve as the development of social phobia.

• - Presence of psychopathology. The presence of psychopathology includes diseases such as schizophrenia, alcoholism, depression, which may be the first cause of loneliness in men. Such a man is in a gloomy mood, he only scares away those around him.

• - Mom's son. U young man too much affection for mother. A person is looking for constant maternal support in his opposite half. Such a person always feels insecure and is unable to make serious decisions. This is all a reflection from the past, where mother's love limited the child’s free right to choose his own decision.

• - Presence of infantility. The man in this case is like a child, capricious, selfish. Conducts free time at the TV, playing computer games, instead of being with the girl. Such people are not able to solve problems on their own; they are only capable of fantasizing and grumbling. Such a person wastes his free time, explaining it with empty childish chatter, and all you hear from him are promises and more promises. Nothing to the point and nothing serious. Such a man was often denied in childhood, therefore, as an adult, he cannot control his desires and makes up for everything that he missed in childhood.

Women are to blame for men's loneliness

IN Lately The loneliness of men can be explained by the following, which is important. A woman becomes so strong, independent, self-sufficient that she can loudly declare that she does not need a man (lesbians do not belong here). A woman may say to herself: “Why should I weak man? Why do I need Small child? I can handle everything just fine myself!” After communicating with such a woman, a man can run away, but this is not necessary, stay and prove that “Men” still exist, despite the woman’s strong personality.

To maintain the model of close relationships, a man and a woman need to reconsider their views on relationships. IN mature age a man begins to rethink his actions, achievements, and a woman should under no circumstances criticize them, but rather praise his strong-willed desire for his position in life. Give in to each other, but at the same time, a man should not go beyond selfishness, but think about his soul mate.

Loneliness of men: causes and features

April 14, 2018 - 2 comments

When there are so many unsettled women around different ages, the loneliness of men seems to be a far-fetched problem. Some women are ready to warm up a man, others want to warm up themselves. Men are so in demand that it seems that loneliness does not threaten them. However, according to the State Statistics Committee, there are more single men aged 25-30 years than single women. In addition, every second marriage today breaks up, and men are in no hurry to re-enter into legalized relationships.

Loneliness of men through the eyes of women

For women, every man living alone, without a permanent partner, is a potential candidate for a life partner. Not because she necessarily wants to solve her problems at his expense. As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains, according to the law of nature, it is the man who gives the woman a feeling of security and safety in life. In turn, a man achieves maximum fulfillment when paired with a woman, because all his actions are performed for her sake.

It is unlikely that a woman reflects on the problem of how loneliness manifests itself in men. More often she wonders why the man still won’t marry her. And he finds quite simple explanations for this:

- still young;

- didn’t have enough time, womanizer;

- mommy's boy;

- narcissistic egoist;

- does not want to take responsibility;

- greedy.

These are the types of men - their loneliness may even be a blessing for a woman (so we convince ourselves). By attaching labels and placing stigmas, women do not help a man get out of a state of loneliness.

“Personal” reasons are also often found - when loneliness is perceived by a man as a state he himself desires: the possibility of spiritual growth, a sense of self-sufficiency, professional necessity, the requirements of a certain subculture.

If you understand the reasons for their loneliness, you can find a way to combine two lonely people happy couple.

It is clear that being alone and loneliness are not the same thing.

A man who voluntarily chooses to live alone does not experience a lack of communication or a feeling of loneliness. This is his freedom.

A completely different thing is the forced loneliness of a man as a result of a breakup. A person can experience both a feeling of liberation and unbearable emptiness and despair - it all depends on how strong the emotional connection with the lost woman was.

Sometimes a man's loneliness does not depend on his marital status and the number of people around. He is a “stranger among his own,” and his loneliness is more psychological, the reason for which is sometimes not realized by the person himself.

This means that we can conditionally distinguish the following types of loneliness:

- physical, when a person lives alone own choice or forced;

- emotional (psychological) loneliness.

Loneliness, its victims and admirers

It depends, according to system-vector psychology, from what vectors nature gave us at birth. We - both men and women - differ from each other in a set of innate desires, qualities, properties, and aspirations. This further explains the differences in attitudes towards opposite sex And family values, outlook on life, goals and ways to achieve them.

Some men who prefer to live alone are surrounded by people throughout the day, they are in the thick of things. Such people are endowed with a skin vector that pushes them to search for new sensations and impressions. They do only what they consider useful and profitable. They rarely take into account the desires of their partner, do not tolerate being pressured, and do not allow themselves to be manipulated.

At the same time, they attract women with their status and financial well-being, the ability to adapt to life changes and find a way out difficult situations. It is useful for women who decide to win such a loner to know that these men do not put their family and its interests first in the ranking of their life values. They may even be proud of their loneliness, their independence from their partner.

The tendency to experience the feeling of loneliness especially acutely depends on the presence of such vectors in a man as anal, visual or sound. They are the ones who suffer and suffer from loneliness, not knowing how to get rid of the feeling of being useless.

A loner with the makings of a family man

The life values ​​of a person with an anal vector are woman, children, family. Nature has assigned him a role faithful husband, incapable of deceiving his wife. It is he who is endowed with all the necessary qualities from birth loving son and the best father. He is the head of the family. Honest, loyal, reliable.

“The best” is about him. Such a man, by definition, should not be lonely. But it is he who is left by women who do not appreciate his mental structure, leaving him deeply offended.

Mommy's boy, a weakling, unable to make a decision (even about marriage) without his mother's approval, a couch potato, slow-witted, unable to get money... And this is all about him, too, about a lonely man with an anal vector.

System-vector psychology explains what leads to loneliness of a contender for the title of the best family man.

Unhurried by nature, this man takes a painfully long time to make decisions, especially those that can cause changes in life. It takes him more than one or two months to propose to a girl. The bill can last for a year or two. Not every woman agrees to remain in uncertainty about her future. It is because of this that relationships in couples are often destroyed, the man is accused of being dependent on his mother and remains alone.

Loneliness due to bad experiences

All properties of the psyche, including unique memory, are given to the owner of the anal vector to fulfill his specific role - to collect and transmit knowledge, experience and traditions accumulated by all previous generations. Positive traits of any vector take on the opposite meaning if a person is under prolonged stress, depression, or for some reason was unable to realize his innate qualities.

So the memory of the owner of the anal vector often plays bad role, if the first relationship with the girl was unsuccessful, the couple broke up badly or there was a divorce. The memory reliably stores all the grievances experienced, the man cannot leave the feeling of guilt for not being able to maintain the relationship, and shame for the fact that this happened to him. He a priori considers all subsequent women dirty, deceitful and unworthy. He doesn’t trust them, so new relationships don’t work out, the girls leave, grievances multiply, loneliness finally settles in his house.

Accusations that he is a mummy's boy are explained by the fact that in such a man it is inherent in elevating his mother to the rank of saints. Good or bad, loving or making mistakes in raising a son, this is a special woman in his life, even if his resentment against his mother has long acquired destructive force. This attitude towards the mother leads to excessive attachment to her and dependence on her.

This, by the way, doesn’t always please the mother, who can’t wait for the right ones to be found.” kind hands”, to which it will be possible to transfer the son. If these “good hands”, thanks to knowledge systems psychology, will turn out to be wise enough not to be indignant at such an attitude towards the mother, but will find in this positive side for yourself - it will benefit everyone.

And it happens that the mother herself supports this attachment with all her might, citing pain. Or he constantly adds fuel to the fire of resentment: “All women only need money. Only mommy truly loves you.”

Eyes looking with longing

If a successful man with an anal vector also has a visual one, he is every woman’s dream. The visual vector is responsible for love, craving for beauty. This man knows how to arrange a holiday in a woman’s life, give beautiful gifts even with my last money. This is a romantic. For such a man, the severance of an emotional connection due to the breakup of a couple or the death of a life partner is tantamount to death.

The anal vector does not allow one to forget all the happy moments in life; the memory returns time after time to a dramatic event, forcing one to relive the unbearable pain of loss. Women are drawn to a man whose eyes reflect their inner melancholy, in the hope of helping them cope with it. However, he is in no hurry to enter into a new relationship.

Firstly, the presence of the anal vector makes a man a monogamous man, whose visual eyes snatch out similar girls from the crowd, making him shudder every time. He needs time to get used to a new person and start a relationship. The presence of the visual vector adds the fear of re-living the terrible moment of breaking up a relationship already with new girl. It hurts too much. It’s easier to keep the image of a departed loved one in your memory and remain alone.

Loneliness in the Universe

The most real loneliness, being among people, is experienced by men with a sound vector. The same ones who can read their poems to a woman in a quiet voice all night, teach her to understand the constellations, or, without any emotion, resuscitate her hopeless computer.

The man seems to live full life, works, communicates, but inside him there is loneliness.

People do not understand his arrogance and detachment, and he does not understand their base interests and worries about everyday things. Girls irritate him with their stupidity and pursuit of material wealth, because he himself is far from all this. Depression arises, a terrible feeling of complete meaninglessness of life, from which sometimes one way out is seen - out the window.

His loneliness is constant, which is difficult to explain without familiarity with the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan. Only systemic knowledge can help a woman overcome her misunderstanding of the nature of detachment and the desire to isolate herself from all men with a sound vector.

Overcoming loneliness

Women want to be happy around men. And some themselves have a hard time experiencing loneliness, so they are ready to give their warmth and care in order to return a man to a full-fledged life. happy life paired with. But without a correct diagnosis of what his loneliness is, it is difficult to choose the right “treatment.”

The knowledge of system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will reveal the secrets that conceal the loneliness of each specific representative of the strong half of humanity. Invaluable support on the path from loneliness to happiness is provided by numerous reviews from those who have already traveled this path:

“...Such a crazy understanding of the realities and circumstances of life brings a colossal feeling of your presence among people and a huge surge of strength. And only now, with these crazy differences, do you begin to understand that you were once so tormented by a state of some kind of isolation and loneliness, even when you were among familiar people... And now you just begin to experience pleasure from seemingly simple things in life, such like just walking among other people.

And when moments of feeling lonely come, and somewhere behind you you hear a phrase like: “...listen, this weekend there are discounts of up to 70% in the market...” - from a complete stranger to you, and then more, and again and again, you feel a smile of recognition spreading inside. And today you don’t feel lonely, even being among strangers!!!»

“...One of the main results of the training is that for the first time in my life I met true love!! Now it seems incredible and even mystical, but it is true. By the beginning of the training, I had been coming out of an unfulfilled relationship for more than a year, for which I initially grieved and teetered on the brink of apathy and depression. I felt incredibly lazy and saw no point in looking for another relationship.

Now, by the way, I can see quite calmly and crystal clearly why the previous relationship turned out the way it did. Knowing my vectors and the vectors of the previous girl explained everything and brought peace and some kind of quiet joy that everything turned out just like that...”

Feeling loneliness is bad for both men and women. It is possible to understand these conditions, become able to cope with them and return to a full, happy life in a free online training

Fickle Don Juans, old bachelors, devoted sons... How do women explain to themselves why a man is lonely?

“I have no prejudice against bachelors,” says 46-year-old Sofia. “I draw for myself the image of an original, independent, like myself!” Divorced 38-year-old Polina, mother of three daughters, is afraid of men who “stewed in their own juice for 40 years.” She believes that they are “selfish, womanizing and obsessed with their independence. How can they fit a woman with children into their lives and remain faithful to her?” Women's judgments are firm and sometimes harsh. They reflect their expectations and often disappointments. Successful and independent, loners and seekers of love adventures - their stereotypes are similar, despite differences in the experience of their personal lives.

"Seducer"

This is how many women see unmarried people. Unreliable, sexually incontinent, narcissistic, this man loses interest in a lady as soon as he receives signs of reciprocal sympathy. Generations of deceived women branded the men who abandoned them and passed on to their daughters their indignation and hostility towards such male image. However, the responsibility for breaking up does not always lie with the man.

“Sometimes women unwittingly provoke a breakup themselves,” notes family psychologist Inna Shifanova, - because of the belief that it is impossible to love them constantly and the relationship (sooner or later) will fall apart. Those who were unloved in childhood or betrayed in their first love union retain the fear of being rejected. They avoid communication or create obstacles to it themselves: jealousy, insatiable demand for attention, tightness, comparison of a partner with other men prevent them from opening up to another and being fully involved in the relationship. Their feelings are contradictory: they want a relationship, but they are afraid of suffering again.”

"Old Bachelor with Oddities"

An eccentric who has always lived alone, unable to give up any of his habits and is afraid of any change - another image of a bachelor. The stereotype is not entirely harmless: it helps a woman forget that love is concessions and compromises on both sides, and at the same time hide from herself her own bachelor habits. For example, on Sundays, don’t get out of your pajamas until two o’clock in the afternoon or watch five episodes of “ Desperate Housewives"in a row.

Inna Shifanova says: “When I ask single clients what is most important to them in possible relationships, they often answer: “I want him to be kind, give me flowers (buy an apartment, a car), become good father" Women talk only about him, the psychologist notes, about their expectations, sometimes contradictory. But love is a path that has to be taken towards each other.”

"Sissy"

A familiar image - a man secretly in love with his own mother, dependent on her. He seeks the protection of a woman, but is afraid of falling under her control. He has attractive features: raised by a woman, he speaks about feelings more easily than his “manly” brothers; Having gotten used to obeying, she willingly fulfills her friend’s wishes.

“But few women want to compete with his mother,” explains the psychologist. “If a friend manages to take the place of a “caring mother,” the unconscious prohibition against incest will kill her sexual attractiveness in the eyes of her partner.” Moreover, independent adult woman is unlikely to want to appear in public with " mama's boy", whose insecurities and sensuality can jeopardize her self-respect. Perhaps she will even prefer a hidden homosexual to him: at least you can have a pleasant time with him, although you should not count on a long-term relationship.

"Abandoned Husband with a Broken Heart"

There are many prejudices against such a man. They believe he is using his new girlfriend like a nurse: she will understand and console, raise her fallen self-esteem. And if he has children, the woman will have to take care of them and conduct diplomatic negotiations with her ex-wife.

“Comparison with your ex-wife is painful, but inevitable,” notes the family psychologist. “Even if a man remains silent, a woman will still think whether she treats children this way, whether she manages the household worse than her predecessor.” Many women, when looking for a partner, prefer widowers who yearn for life as a couple. They often idealize a lost friend, but still strive to enter into new ones. strong relationships, seeing in them protection from old age. “Widowers go straight to their goal,” says 40-year-old Valeria. “They are more mature and feel less sorry for themselves.”

Objective view

Whether stereotypes about single men are justified or not, they remain as tenacious as the old good fairy tale about a handsome prince. A man must be in love, attentive, courageous, with a sense of humor, independent and reliable... Everything happens as if women had previously determined the ideal that men must meet in all respects. However, stereotypes can also say a lot about the character of those who, with their help, are trying to attach another label.

“Each of us has our own system of ideas, fears, expectations that come from experience, parent scripts and social attitudes,” reflects Inna Shifanova. “Wanting to be objective, we actually sift reality through the sieve of our stereotypes: the more there are, the smaller the gaps.” It is difficult to get rid of the “grid” because we simply do not notice it. Moreover, to some extent, it really protects us from mistakes. But, alas, also from discoveries! And often the price of such “wisdom” is loneliness.

We are all, men and women, unique. That's why it's sometimes so difficult for us to find a mate - and that's why when we find one, it brings us so much joy.

Why do they stay lonely?

There are so many women around them who dream of finding a life partner - but these men refuse to enter into long term relationship. What are the underlying reasons that prompt them to hold tightly to their loneliness?

“I’m tired of everyone feeling entitled to ask me why I’m not getting married,” says 48-year-old Mikhail. - To get rid of them, I bought wedding ring and put it on left hand, as if one were divorced or widowed. If they still ask me a question about what this means, I don’t lie - I just take a deep breath and say: “Better not ask!” Usually this is enough."

It is impossible to name with certainty one or even several reasons why a man prefers loneliness, our experts say. The solution may lie in family history, and in sexual problems. “Even a survey won’t help here,” says family psychologist Inna Shifanova. - Because among the reasons for loneliness may be, for example, hidden homosexuality. Many men won’t admit it even to themselves and may prefer complete abstinence.”

Isn't this the key to some platonic novels, in which dates and frank conversations do not lead to physical intimacy and often leave women perplexed? “This is not excluded, but the reason may be different,” notes sexologist Irina Panyukova. - Many men are afraid of being sexually incompetent, especially after a long break in sexual activity, and therefore avoid any physical contact. Women often do not realize how vulnerable men are in this area. And subsequently, fear can overpower or completely suppress desire.”

A patient and generous woman can help a man overcome many fears. However, experts remind that there are also problems that cannot be solved without the help of a psychologist - and this can only be done if the man himself wants these changes.

It is a proven fact that both men and women suffer from loneliness equally.

Indeed, there are many men in the world who do not have not only a beloved woman or friends , but also just familiar people with whom you could spend time and somehow escape from the oppressive emptiness. Often such representatives of the stronger sex suffer from their condition, cannot understand its causes, and therefore do not find a way out of the current situation. Let's try to understand the reasons for male loneliness.

Very often, weak-willed and insecure men suffer from loneliness. A woman does not feel confident in such a representative of the stronger sex, “ strong shoulder"nearby, cannot rely on him, which means she is unsure of the future next to such a man. Moreover, appearance plays absolutely no role here. It is quite difficult for these guys to meet the only one who is ready to take responsibility for the future of the couple.
Strong men can also fall into a vicious cycle of loneliness. There are many individuals who never admit their weaknesses to others and will not speak openly about their loneliness. What prevents them from being close to the woman they love is male pride, the belief that being “cold” in a relationship is masculine, and “calf tenderness” makes them weak and pliable. Such men never ask for forgiveness, considering this to be the lot of the weak, and thereby push love away from themselves, prolonging their loneliness. It's easier for them to hit the table with their fist or kick down the door than to hug.
Another reason for loneliness is male infantility. In this state, representatives of the stronger sex behave like a child, showing carelessness and selfishness, as well as moving away from reality. These individuals spend most of their lives playing games and having fun, avoiding solving problems in every possible way. Women, of course, cannot read minds, but they subtly sense a man’s mood, his inability and unwillingness to think realistically and think about a future together.
But there are still cases when a man spent most of his life with his mother and grew up , which is called a “mama’s boy,” that is, too dependent on her. In this case, the mother has serious influence on her son, which the potential bride will certainly not like. There's a problem here psychological development, after all parental education did not end with gaining independence. Such a man has practically no chance to build harmonious relationships with a girl, because his attachment to his mother is too strong.
These are not all the reasons for the loneliness of men; there are many others, like, for example, one of our heroes.

You are interested in other articles about the relationship between a man and a woman, such as:

Male loneliness. Why are men lonely?

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Manners modern women and men have seriously changed, and therefore there is nothing unusual in the fact that every second young man you meet on your life’s path

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How much has been said and written about female loneliness! However, they won’t surprise anyone: according to demographic statistics, for every ten ladies there are only seven or eight “grooms”, and with age - even less. But it is even more striking that among these men - smart, educated, accomplished and independent - there are bachelors. Relationships with them become for the seeker female happiness a real test, because the main and, perhaps, the only phobia of these “knights” is marriage.

Loneliness in men

Among the reasons that transform mature men There are, of course, pathological elements in the “eternal bachelors”. This is infantilism, which firmly links the “marriageable groom” with his mother, and social phobia, which forces the unsociable to lock himself at home, and inadequate self-esteem, which gives rise to insurmountable complexes in a man or, on the contrary, makes him a “narcissist.” And some bachelors have not been accustomed to building close relationships since childhood. Meet women and look after them, select the right words and take decisive steps... For such men, this is constant stress, an inaccessible art that they had nowhere to learn, and over time, as if there was no need.
“Embarrassment is not a pathology!” - the ladies who have been waiting for months for an invitation to a date from the “modest” will object with hope. Alas, this is not banal modesty, but “loner syndrome”, from which only an experienced psychotherapist can save a man. And perhaps he won’t be able to cope with this task either. After all, in order to turn to a specialist, you need to admit the problem yourself, and men who have been avoiding communication with women for years are afraid of any changes. It is not difficult to recognize a “pathological bachelor”. To do this, it is enough to get rid of the “rose-colored glasses” and take a closer look at the free stranger - a friend or colleague. And finally, once and for all, give up the hopeless desire to one day get his hand and heart, and in addition to them, his depressing “features”.
However, it happens that even after careful “dissection” of shortcomings, a man remains a “knight” - mature, caring and... unapproachable. As you look at someone like that, how can you help but wonder: “Is an eternal bachelor necessarily a man with a problem?”
We decided to ask about this from the “culprits” of our experiences, who, having grown a beard, bought an apartment and held leadership positions, still do not think about getting married.

Broken happiness

Maxim, 34 years old, top manager, single: There are a lot of people around me beautiful women. Charming, smart, with impeccable taste, economical... Such as Nina, whom I dated for almost five years before one day I learned from our mutual friends that she had someone else. I dreamed of making her happy, but if she had talked to me and admitted that she was in love, I would have simply wished her luck.
However, she probably didn't want to lose me until she realized how seriously she took her new man. So I turned into a “backup option”.
Every evening, coming home from work, I expected a serious conversation. But Nina was silent, and after that she even became somehow more tender. Probably the other one turned out to be “unpromising.” She loved to repeat this word...
After several months of tense waiting, I left her on my own. Quietly he packed his bags and moved out of his rented apartment, paying her rent for six months in advance. For some time she called me and listened to long beeps, and then, apparently, she realized that she had no future with me...
I watch every girl who likes me. I wonder if she is capable of going on dates in secret from the man next to whom she falls asleep every evening. And although almost three years have passed since the separation from Nina, I’m not ready to believe a woman yet.
Comments Tatyana Kurchatova, psychologist: Unfortunately, love passes. But the most severe pain What causes us is not plans for a common future that have been dashed by reality, but disappointment in our partner and in our feelings as such. Women who believe that men deal with breakups easier and faster are mistaken. Upbringing and stereotypes do not allow " stronger sex» show your feelings. Therefore, men accumulate grievances and fears, which over the years turn into an insurmountable reluctance to get close to someone.
“Wounded” once, a bachelor tries to look at a woman as a friend, even if he is not indifferent to her. He is simply afraid of repeating the unsuccessful “scenario”.
However, this does not mean that broken heart cannot be cured. Become a true friend for a lonely man and earn his trust. Let him understand that you are patient and not just “passing by”, but want to linger in his life. As you know, water wears away even stones. Moreover, under a perfectly ironed shirt, your “eternal bachelor” hides not a stony heart, but, on the contrary, a very sensitive heart.
However, be prepared for unpleasant “surprises”. Having recovered from the traumas of the past with your help, a man can introduce you to his new chosen one at the next “friendly” dinner. And it’s unlikely that gratitude for the fact that you “changed his life” will soften the blow of falling from the heights of unfulfilled hopes.

Actively looking

Nikolai, 40 years old, lawyer, single: Male loneliness is not about me! I don’t remember when my apartment didn’t smell like homemade cabbage soup and wasn’t cleaned for at least a couple of months. I am always greeted from work by a woman who seems ideal to me. True, until I meet someone else - even more suitable for me.
Sometimes I think that I have finally found the one in front of whom I am ready to get down on one knee and, blushing, say an oath of fidelity, putting a ring on her elegant finger. I even looked in once jewelry shop. I wanted to leave there with a velvet box in my pocket, but instead I got the phone number of a stunning new friend.
Is there a justification for this behavior? I just really love women.
Tatyana Kurchatova: Alas, to end the many years of “wandering” of this bachelor, the ability to cook the most tender kulebyak and sew like a hereditary dressmaker is not enough. They won't even help deep necklines, stockings and push-up underwear.
Unfortunately, for this man, the hunter’s passion has long been “stifled” by the instinct of self-preservation, which, after thirty, persistently whispers to bachelors that it’s time to “moor” to a reliable family harbor. Perhaps only a child can send the “hunter” into the “home-work-home” orbit.
Surprisingly, such men value children more than their own freedom. And if someday the beloved nevertheless resumes his “ active search", your son or daughter will always be more important to him than another long-legged hobby.
Awaken a caring father in your chosen one, and perhaps you will get what you want - a husband. True, quite frivolous. But there’s nothing you can do about it: there are such men who are bachelors by vocation.

Breadwinner complex

Alexey, 38 years old, minibus driver, divorced: Relationships? Yes, I don’t even have time for that. Daughter coming soon goes to school. The ex-wife asked for help with money. And you also need to send your mother and father to a sanatorium, visit your sister and nephews - you can’t go to them empty-handed either! So I work, when I can, in two shifts. And then I return home exhausted and go straight to bed. I'm used to it. I don't need anything more. But would any woman be satisfied with such a life?
Tatyana Kurchatova: A jack of all trades, reliable, prudent and tireless... Such a man seems ideal. But, alas, not only you.
If a “hyper-responsible” bachelor, under any pretext, refuses to have a cup of coffee with you, most likely, he is either in a hurry to visit his ex to paint her balcony frames, or spent his last money buying it for his niece expensive doll Barbie. And he would gladly open the door to his life for you, but on the other hand it is “propped up” by the burden of his own problems ex-wives, children, elderly parents, friends - everyone for whom your man is “responsible”. Or he thinks he is answering.
A “hyper-responsible” bachelor is not hopeless, but only a flint woman can oust his eternally needy second cousins ​​from his life and put his insolent ex-wives in their place.
If, instead of an “iron” character, you have an angelic character, then you risk either hearing from your chosen one a polite “sorry, goodbye,” or sharing with him his difficult burden - when, instead of other people’s lives, you most want to arrange your own.

Strength is in weakness

Andrey, 46 years old, teacher in English, single: My sister constantly complains to me that men allegedly have excessive demands on women. They say, give us only fashion models as wives who will sit at home, cook three-course meals and raise children.
I argue with her, because the only truth in her words is that it is really important for us to be strong and provide for our family, and not willingly shift this responsibility onto fragile female shoulders.
I've never been married, but not because I'm afraid of commitment. It’s just that until now I’ve only met women who didn’t seem to need a husband. They had everything under control - even our relationships. Although this is precisely what killed intimacy.
I don't want a housewife, but I still don't want to marry a housewife. I don't despair of one day meeting a woman who will allow me to be the leader and not the follower. But so far, unfortunately, I don’t know anyone like that.