Hidden female homosexuality as a formed conflict of sexual roles. How to recognize a lesbian? Signs of sexual orientation
A woman is a romantic person, and she wants love, care, romance and tenderness. But men are generally more pragmatic and consider women’s snot and tears unnecessary in relationships.
Men do not consider it necessary to say again sweet Nothing or confess their love, but stay late at work, trying to provide for their family. But they often come across what they consider to be unfounded claims from girls. Therefore, quarrels and misunderstandings arise. And these unloved and unloved girls, who crave passion and new emotions, find someone like them. Such a friend understands her perfectly and guesses every desire, because she is also a woman and knows well what words and actions are needed.
Lesbianism is not just a fashion statement. Lesbians are those women who could not find a common language with men, but their body and soul want love and tenderness.
Causes of lesbianism
Family problems
Psychologists say that the desire for lesbian love is inherent on a subconscious level in every girl. She needs understanding, advice and attention from loved ones. And as soon as a girl begins to develop into a woman, she has a lot of questions to which she needs answers. And it’s good when mom and dad are nearby and have contact with their daughter; a friendly atmosphere reigns at home. Mom doesn’t swear at dad, doesn’t insult him, but rather praises him. The daughter sees her mother's happy face.
In this case, the girl has zero homosexual inclinations. But sometimes things are completely different. In the girl’s eyes, dad looks like a worthless freak, because mom scolds him every time, saying that all men are bastards and how hard it is for her to live with such a person. After this, the foundation of the aspiring lesbian, one might say, has already been filled.
Physical disabilities
There are two types of girls - beautiful and not so beautiful. With the beautiful ones everything is clear, they are not deprived of attention and they have enough boy suitors, so they develop in a heterosexual way. But with ugly girls things are a little different. They are persecuted both by boys and more beautiful girls. Ugly girls are constantly in a state of protection and defense, thereby developing the reflexes of a fighter. And boys, as a rule, have such qualities, that is, a girl becomes, in her qualities, a tomboy and a potentially active lesbian. Perhaps her fate will turn out differently, but she will have the desire to take it out on boys and girls for the rest of her life. Such girls strive for lesbian and strap-on sex.
Complexes
Large complexes give rise to shame, self-doubt, education, fear and modesty. A modest person in youth society will always be on the sidelines, giving way to stronger and more arrogant ones. Thus, shy girl is pushed into the background by girls who are more energetic and courageous, and she enters adult life as an outright outsider, unable to make her way.
Proper upbringing can also play a cruel joke. By staying away from parties, girls are doomed to loneliness or to communicate with others of their own kind. Such girls cry to each other and find solace in the arms of another girl.
Clinical forms of homosexuality
Since the end of the 19th century, it has been customary to distinguish between active and passive forms male homosexuality based on the fact that during sexual relations one of the homosexuals plays a male (active) role, the other plays a female (passive) role. This division of roles is clearly evident in cases of pederasty.
With mutual masturbation, oral-genital contact and coitus between the thighs, it turned out to be difficult to determine whether a given homosexual is playing male or female. female role. In addition, wanting to please each other, partners could sometimes switch roles.
Form delimitation female homosexuality was not carried out at all, since, apparently, it was assumed that, unlike men, both women play the same role in the homosexual act.
The author, together with his employee E. M. Derevinskaya, examined 96 homosexual women. Most of them were serving sentences for a criminal offense. Of those examined, 9 were under 30 years old, 70 were between 30 and 40 years old, and 17 were over 40 years old. Observations have shown that, by analogy with male homosexuality, two forms of female homosexuality can be distinguished - active and passive. As a criterion for differentiation, one should take the sexual self-identification of a homosexual - the presence or absence of sexual disorders, the feeling of belonging to one or another sex - subjective gender. At the same time, homosexuals who feel like a man should be classified as active, and homosexuals who feel like they belong to a man should be classified as passive. female. An active form of homosexuality was noted in 57, a passive form - in 39 examined.
An active form of female homosexuality. It is characteristic of active homosexuals that they are both sexually and externally sexual relations tend to imitate the behavior of a man, sometimes in an exaggerated form. They note that they feel like men, that they were born men and experience sexual desire only to women. Men do not cause sexual arousal in them and are perceived only as comrades. Even the very thought of a man’s caresses, not to mention sexual intimacy, is unpleasant for them.
In the appearance of 60% of active homosexuals, certain masculine features appeared - highly developed muscles, narrow pelvis, rough facial features, broad shoulders, male gait, angular movements, low rough voice, pubic hair male type. At the same time, their mammary glands were normally developed. Most active homosexuals from adolescence wore a man's hairstyle - short-cropped hair. Almost half were transvestites, meaning they wore men's clothing. Many active homosexuals had a negative attitude towards women's jewelry - rings, earrings, bracelets, brooches. Only one wore a medallion with a portrait of her partner on her chest. About 40% of active homosexuals were no different from heterosexual women in their physique and appearance.
Masculine features clearly appear in the photograph of an active homosexual woman taken by the author (Fig. 2). It must be said that masculine somatic and mental traits are sometimes observed in healthy heterosexual women, so that in themselves they cannot serve as a basis for diagnosing homosexuality, although they are more common in active homosexuals than in heterosexual women.
Rice. 2
The majority of active homosexuals (35 out of 57) noted that already with childhood discovered interests typical of boys - they climbed trees, shot with a slingshot, threw stones, played football, hockey, Cossack robbers, war, knew how to fight, at the same time they never liked to play with dolls, wear pigtails, bows. Showed interest in men's clothing. In 2/3 of active homosexuals, sexual feelings manifested themselves early - before the onset of puberty. It was revealed in the form of falling in love with a girl or woman. There was a vague desire for intimacy with her, a desire to hug and kiss her. They declared their love and wrote letters. Childhood or youth crushes on boys were extremely rare.
Menstruation began at 12–15 years old in 41%, at 16 years old in 12%, at 17 years old and later in 47% of active homosexuals we examined. Thus, in more than half of them, the timing of the onset of menstruation was normal. For a significant part, they arrived late. In almost half of those examined they were relatively scarce. Many of the active homosexuals noted that menstruation was perceived as something alien to them, and noted that they were embarrassed by the development of their mammary glands.
More than half of active homosexuals masturbated in puberty or during puberty. Some of them slept in bed with older girls, and they taught them mutual masturbation. Homosexual activity began in most cases after prolonged masturbation or after girls learned about the intimate side of sex life. My sexual activity they more often targeted girls or women younger, and less often - their own age. At the same time, sexual interest was initially hidden. They behaved like devoted, attentive friends: they tried to help with everything, and often gave gifts. Gradually, having gained trust and sympathy, they began to show more and more tenderness. They sought permission to caress and kiss, after which they moved on to sexual activity. Only a few of them began to exhibit homosexual activity without special preparation. They sought to evoke the experience of orgasm in their partner at any cost, and at the same time they sometimes showed considerable skill. Many of them first sought to arouse a psychoerotic mood in their partner, then moved on to general caresses of the body, trying to identify erogenous zones. Subsequently, depending on the location of these zones, clitoral stimulation with the hand or mouth was used in relation to some women, and manual stimulation of the vagina was used in relation to others. The latter was generally used relatively rarely. Sexual intercourse with a partner often dragged on for up to 20–30 minutes or longer and, depending on her temperament, was repeated many times until the partner experienced a state of prostration. Simultaneously with irritation of the genitals, the partners made frictions of their genitals against her thighs and thus simultaneously achieved orgasm. Less often, they allowed their partner to induce an orgasm in themselves by manipulating the genitals. Most active homosexuals experienced a single peak-shaped orgasm 1-3 times during the night.
Active homosexuals often showed sadistic tendencies to one degree or another. In general, sexual relations with a partner were characterized by their unevenness. In non-sexual relationships with partners during the formation of a homosexual “family,” most active homosexual women also sought to imitate the behavior of the man - the head of the family. They demanded submission to their will and controlled money. Work considered traditionally feminine (cooking, washing, sewing) was not performed, entrusting it entirely to their “wives.” Traditionally, men's work was performed with pleasure, and sometimes high skill was discovered in it. Almost all active homosexual women liked it when their partners wore jewelry, wore low-cut dresses, and looked feminine. Many of them were very jealous, and they were jealous of their partners both towards women and men.
In addition to the influence of upbringing, innate codes and programs are important for sexual behavior. One of them is the desire for rapprochement, for mastery of the opposite sex, the instinct of sexual aggression. This instinct is the leading one in the formation of sexual behavior in animals, but it can also play a role in the emergence of desires in humans. Unlike heterosexual women, active homosexuals are characterized by high sexual aggressiveness. They pursue the woman they like with great persistence and tenacity, sometimes not stopping even before threats and direct aggression.
So, G., 34 years old, a former police lieutenant, fell in love in a therapeutic hospital with her attending physician S., a 26-year-old woman who had a husband and two children. After being discharged from the hospital, she began to stalk her, waited at her house every day, despite her protests, accompanied her to work, sent her flowers and perfume, threatened to commit suicide or stab her husband if she did not agree to “meet” her. Having received a categorical refusal, I came to her home. The husband (a healthy man 1 m 85 cm tall) refused to call his wife, G., pushing him away, burst into the room and began to insist on a “conversation”, begged S. to be with her, and threatened her and her husband. It took government intervention to protect the family from persecution.
Another homosexual woman, having gained the trust of a girl she liked and stayed with her overnight, overcame her resistance and manually deflowered her; the third achieved sexual intercourse under the threat of a knife.
However, in most cases, active homosexuals found partners without resorting to violence.
By character, 60% of the homosexuals we examined were shy, decisive, persistent, and proactive; 40% were at the same time fearless; 14% were deceitful and selfish; 20% were kind and sociable.
Although all active homosexual women noted that they had never had sexual attraction to men, most of them had ever had sexual intercourse with a man. At the same time, 3/4 of the respondents noted that in heterosexual life they did not experience sexual satisfaction and sexual intercourse was unpleasant. None of them became sexually active as a result of rape. Let us give a typical observation.
Patient V., 47 years old. My father suffered from chronic alcoholism, my mother was quiet, modest woman. My paternal aunt was masculine, often wore men's clothing, and was not married.
She grew up a healthy girl. I graduated from 4th grade and didn’t want to study further. She worked as a shoemaker. She was serving a sentence for theft. As a child, she loved to play only with boys in their games, she knew how to fight well and throw stones; climb trees. At the age of 13, I got myself men’s clothes and from that time on I stopped wearing women’s dresses and felt like a man. Menstruation from the age of 14, moderate, painless, lasts 3–4 days. I learned about sex life from my friends early. She notes that she has never experienced the slightest attraction to male, but she was attracted only to women. At the age of 14–15, I fell in love with my friends, and mutual manual stimulation was allowed with one of them. At the age of 19 there was an accident sexual intercourse with a man, but did not experience anything other than unpleasant sensations.
From the age of 20, homosexual relations with women. Duration of relationship with one partner is up to 4 years. One girl broke her virginity with her hand. Claims that the thought of sexual intercourse with a man is disgusting. She is rude and demanding with her partners. Homework does not fulfill it, placing it entirely on the “wife”. Once I beat my partner for disobedience. By nature she is bold, quick-tempered, explosive, vengeful, decisive. Efficiency is high.
The physique is masculine. The posture and gait are masculine, the movements are angular. The mammary glands, external and internal genital organs are developed normally, and there are no neurological features. He refuses to undergo treatment for homosexuality, as he considers his condition to be natural.
In the above case, manifestations of homosexuality developed in a psychopathic personality from the excitable group. The family apparently had a hereditary history of homosexuality on the father's side. Noteworthy is the presence from childhood of some characterological features characteristic of boys, as well as a masculine physique and motor skills. The direction of sexual desire towards persons of the same sex began to manifest itself in the early adolescence. Casual sexual intercourse with a man was not accompanied by sexual satisfaction and did not lead to a weakening of the homosexual orientation of sexual desire, but rather contributed to its consolidation. Gradually a sectarian attitude towards society and its moral requirements developed. In the genesis of the emergence of an active form of female homosexuality and transvestism in this case, the main role apparently played congenital anomaly direction of sexual desire, situational factors were only of secondary importance, although they contributed to the fixation of inversion.
Fig 3. Active homosexual transvestite. In the passport he is listed as a man. There is a mark of registered marriage with a woman.
Phenomena of homosexuality can also occur in women who do not exhibit psychopathic character traits. Thus, a female doctor, active, energetic, kind, and balanced by nature, maintained a homosexual relationship with her partner for two decades. She did not like to use cosmetics and did not wear women's jewelry, however, she did not reveal masculine features in her appearance and manners.
Sometimes active homosexual transvestites try to hide their female gender and pass themselves off as a man.
Patient A., 35 years old, was sent to the psychiatric clinic of the medical institute for consultation regarding mild irritability, excitability, fatigue and insomnia. Upon admission, she pretended to be a man and demanded to be placed in the men's department. Dressed in a men's suit (Fig. 3).
I lost my father early. He notes that he was angry, rude, and suffered from chronic alcoholism. The mother is a kind, sociable woman. The patient grew and developed normally. I went to school for 8 years and finished 4th grade. During her school years, she loved to play only with boys, she fought, and always defended girls. She loved only men's work, she was a loader, Lately works as a security guard.
He has been smoking since he was 17 years old and has been abusing alcohol for the last 5 years. By nature, fearless, proactive, decisive.
She claims that she never wore women’s dresses, “as a child I only wore panties and panties, then I started wearing trousers.” Menstruation since the age of 16, moderate, painless, for 3–4 days, during menstruation the mood is low (“I despised myself”).
There was a casual sexual relationship with a man, he is reluctant to talk about it. I have never felt attraction to people of the opposite sex, nor have I experienced pleasure from intimacy with a man. In relation to women, she felt like a man, pretended to be a man and illegally received a passport in a man’s name. Registered marriage with a woman. Plays in sexual relationships male role.
Does not perform in non-sexual life women's work, engages only in male labor (cuts wood, repairs shoes, performs carpentry and carpentry). He demands attention to himself, but with his “wife” he is affectionate, gentle, and takes pity on her. He often gives her gifts. The “wife”’s children from her first marriage are treated warmly and condescendingly; they call her “dad” and consider her a man.
At one time she was in love with another woman, began to look after her, and stayed overnight with her. The first “wife” was jealous of her. Both “wives” fought over her. She stayed with the second “wife” for several months, after which she returned to the first.
In the department she is calm, sociable, embarrassed to undress in the presence of other patients. He looks at young women and compliments them. She claims that she is now incapable of falling in love with others, as she is insanely attached to her “wife.” She behaves at ease, has a lot of deliberateness in her behavior, and is inclined to show off.
The patient is of average height, athletic build. Fat fiber and mammary glands well developed. There are no features from the internal organs. From the neurological side, no symptoms of focal brain damage are detected. Intelligence corresponds to the education received.
Gynecological examination due to the patient's resistance, it was performed under amytal-sodium anesthesia. According to the gynecologist, the labia minora and majora are underdeveloped. The entrance to the vagina is free, the mucous membrane is moistened with leucorrhoea in moderate quantities. The cervix is formed, cylindrical in shape, the pharynx is punctate, closed. The uterus is small, mobile, with a smooth surface, the appendages are not visible.
Soon her “wife” came to the clinic to visit the patient. She refused to give any information. The patient and her “wife” were very tender, hugging and kissing her. She categorically refused treatment for homosexuality. Discharged home.
In this case, A., being a woman, always felt like a man, for many years she was in a registered marriage with a woman, i.e. a homosexual family was formed. Both in sexual behavior and in family life, A. played the role of a husband. Men considered her (both her colleagues and those around her) a man. In her appearance, clothing, a number of character traits, and professional activities (loader, security guard), she herself looked like a man. In contrast, her partner (“wife”) in her appearance, manner of dressing, and behavior was no different from ordinary women, active homosexuals often exhibit certain character traits that are more characteristic of passive ones.
“I read your book “Female Sexopathology” (1st ed. - A.S.), writes M., 26 years old, and considered myself an active form, although not everything is so straightforward. As a child, I loved boys’ games: hockey, football , the war, but for some reason I started playing with dolls in the first grade. I think that the concept of male and female activities in our time is very arbitrary. If I had a same-sex “family”, I wouldn’t care: washing dishes or hammering , as long as she likes it. My profession is mainly female, although I don’t like it. I almost always use cosmetics, wear long hairstyles, often wear women’s clothes, I don’t have a particular love for trousers. I really love women’s jewelry (especially Czech). As a child, I saw dreams of clearly erotic content, where I acted as a man.
Menstruation has been normal since the age of 10. From the age of 13 masturbation. There was no particular remorse about this. Around the age of 15, I began dating an interesting young man of 18 years old. Walks, cinema, cafes. He spoke to me passionately about love, but I only dated him because most of my peers were also friends with someone. Somehow I even felt sorry for him and so I allowed him to pet. I experienced an orgasm, but there was no talk of delight, a merging of souls. It was as if I was serving my duty. We broke up.
For as long as I can remember, I have always fallen in love with women and girls. She fell in love passionately, suffered, suffered. She was always a leader at school, and hid her homosexuality in every possible way. Once she fell in love with a new teacher, but when she learned that she loved her husband and he loved her, she hid her feelings.
During homosexual contacts, I often acted as a husband. Now about once a year I meet with one woman. She is bisexual and married. I really like her and I can talk to her all night without noticing how time flies. I don't even know how she treats me. She is satisfied that there is a husband and me. She leaves and again there is melancholy and loneliness. And I need to know that after work they are waiting for you at home, that you can show daily care about a loved one. I like to give women compliments and gifts; I appreciate femininity, defenselessness, and subtlety of soul. And if my friend were to play an active role, there would be something masculine about her, but underneath it all there was a sensitive female soul and there was a desire to create a same-sex “family”; I could well have played a passive role. So where can you find it? After all, we don’t have clubs like in Sweden and Denmark, where people find a kindred spirit, and then sexual partner. Maybe homosexuality is not natural, but since nature played such a cruel joke, then so be it! I don’t want to change my gender or undergo treatment and I won’t.”
Inversion of sexual desire does not exclude high development of intelligence and rich emotionality. Among homosexuals there were brilliant artists, musicians, outstanding writers and scientists.
Passive form of female homosexuality characterized by the fact that homosexuals play a feminine role not only in sexual but also in non-sexual relationships. They identify themselves with a woman. In appearance they are no different from the women of their circle. Facial features are soft and feminine. Secondary sexual characteristics are well developed. Many have long hair braided, Fancy Hairstyle All 39 passive homosexuals we examined dressed only in women's clothes (no cases of transvestism were observed) and, unlike active ones, they liked to wear rings, earrings, bracelets, brooches, painted their lips, filled their eyebrows, etc. More than half were sociable in nature , soft, calm, easily subject to other people's influence, easily suggestible. In 8 out of 39 such traits as theatricality and demonstrativeness were prominent. Almost all passive homosexuals had women's professions(seamstress, secretary-typist, nurse) or neutral.
Passive homosexuals developed as girls. They loved dolls, handicrafts, tried on dresses and outfits, played with girls, and often experienced childhood or youthful crushes on boys. Their menstruation occurred on time (in 24 out of 39, at the age of 12–15 years, and in only 5 at the age of 17 or later, i.e., late). Of the 39 homosexuals, 36 had ever lived a heterosexual sex life in the past, and half of them were married, some had children, but none of them had a happy marriage. Most of them did not receive sexual satisfaction during their heterosexual life. Few people have sometimes experienced pleasant sexual sensations. Few people (unlike active homosexuals) have ever masturbated.
They all began homosexual relationships at a time when they were not living a heterosexual sex life, or when they were not satisfied with their existing family relationships. Many of them experienced a feeling of loneliness, a need for tenderness, affection and close friend. Almost all of them initially saw their future homosexual partner as attentive, affectionate, devoted and loving friend, Sometimes strong man, on whom you can rely. Soon, however, erotic love became more and more prominent in the relationship and the initial manifestations of tenderness and affection developed into homosexual acts. For the first time in their lives, most passive homosexuals experienced a strong orgasm under the influence of homosexual influence, many experienced an orgasm much stronger than before during sexual intercourse with men. They developed a feeling of falling in love with their partner, which developed into sexual affection. A homosexual couple was formed in which one of the partners played the role of husband (leader), the second - the role of wife. There were very rare cases when, during sexual intercourse, a periodically passive homosexual woman took on an active (“male”) role for some time, but the “leadership” in the family still remained with the active homosexual woman. Homosexual couples sometimes maintained their relationship for many years, disguising it as friendship. Breaking up with a partner was sometimes extremely painful.
Patient N., 28 years old, complained of a neurasthenic nature, “in addition, she noted a feeling of melancholy and loneliness. These phenomena occurred, as it turned out, soon after the break with close friend, with whom we lived together for 3 years. No one in the family suffered from neuropsychiatric diseases. The mother is domineering and selfish. The father is sociable and kind. She grew and developed normally. As a child, I loved to play with dolls and other girls' games. She was interested in women's toilets, jewelry, and was flirtatious. I fell in love with boys and went on dates. By nature she is soft, sociable, easily suggestible.
Menstruation from age 12, 3–4 days, cycle 28 days. Sexual life from the age of 18. Before marriage - three short-term sexual relationships with young people. Married since 22 years old, for love. During sexual activity with men, I never experienced orgasm, although sexual intercourse took quite a long time. There was only a painful sexual arousal, gradually sexual intimacy became disgusting, I tried to avoid it in every possible way. The husband turned out to be a rude, inattentive person and often drank. Relations deteriorated. After 4 years they separated.
The patient switched to new job, felt lonely. At this time, I met G., a leading engineer, 10 years older, an intelligent, energetic woman, who began to pay a lot of attention to her, inviting her to the cinema and theater. G. lived alone in an apartment and was unmarried. N. began to sit with her for a long time in the evenings, and soon stayed overnight. Under pressure, G. entered into sexual intimacy with her. For the first time in my life I experienced a strong orgasm. In fact, she moved in with G. and began living with her. G. had sexual intercourse with her every day, causing repeated, multiple orgasms, mainly by manual stimulation of the clitoris (intravaginal stimulation did not cause erotic stimulation and was rejected). Gradually, sexual attachment to G developed. Interest in men faded. At home G. behaved like a man, did not do “women’s” work, it was entrusted to N. G. looked somewhat masculine, did not like women’s toilets or jewelry. Lately she has become rude, inattentive, and picky. Arose frequent quarrels. It turned out that G. had another partner. This was the reason for their breakup.
N. has the right build and is feminine. Long hair collected in a knot. Lips and eyebrows are tinted. Wears women's clothes and jewelry. During psychotherapy, the patient was pointed out the peculiarities of her sexual constitution (clitoric type of excitability) and explained why she had not yet experienced sexual satisfaction with men. An attitude toward heterosexual life is instilled. Six months later, she entered into a close relationship with a man who, through additional stimulation of the clitoris during intercourse, caused her to orgasm. A feeling of attachment arose towards him, interest in G. disappeared.
Throughout her life, N. always felt like a woman.
In the above case, the young woman developed sexually normally in childhood and adolescence and showed a heterosexual orientation of a rather strong sexual desire. I always felt like a woman. However, during sexual activity with men before marriage and with her husband during marriage, she did not receive adequate sexual stimulation (there was a clitoral type of sexual excitability) and remained in a state of frustration and sexual dissatisfaction. In this regard, a negative attitude towards sex life arose. There was no attachment to her husband as a friend due to his rudeness and drunkenness. The marriage ended in divorce. I felt a feeling of loneliness. At this time, she became the object of claims from an active homosexual, who showed warmth and attention to her. During sexual intercourse with her, I began to experience a strong orgasm for the first time. Gradually, sexual attachment arose. A homosexual couple was formed, in which N. played the role of the wife, that is, she revealed the phenomena of the passive form of homosexuality. The heterosexual orientation of sexual desire was replaced by a homosexual attitude. The breakup with my partner caused difficult experiences and neurotic depression. Under the influence of psychotherapy and an explanation of the reasons for the failure of her sexual life with men, she was able to redirect her sexual desire into a heterosexual direction. Sexual life with a man who managed to satisfy her sexually led to the consolidation of this orientation. Thus, the passive form of homosexuality in this case was entirely situationally determined and turned out to be reversible.
Sometimes, under the influence of the individual’s active desire to overcome homosexuality, a transition to a normal heterosexual life is possible.
Patient V., 38 years old, with masculine somatic and mental characteristics that were detected since childhood, at the age of 18–23 years old, maintained active homosexual relationships with three partners in turn. Then, under the influence of the conviction of loved ones and psychotherapeutic influence, she began a heterosexual sex life and got married. Sexual intimacy with her husband initially did not cause sexual satisfaction, despite his good sexual abilities. She became the leader in the family. In sexual relations, she took the initiative, imagined that her husband was her partner, and began to experience orgasm. Has a 6 year old son. Family relations are good. Within three weeks there was a relapse of homosexual relations during the husband's departure, after which normal sex life resumed.
The phenomena of an active (congenital) form of female homosexuality, detected even in adolescence, can disappear under the influence beneficial effects external environment and the active orientation of the individual to overcome them. The following observation is typical.
Patient R., 16 years old, a 9th grade student at a boarding school, was admitted to a psychiatric clinic after a suicide attempt. Two months ago I fell in love with a young teacher and started writing to her Love letters, give flowers, accompany her home, stand for hours at her window. She was jealous of other students. Soon the teacher began to avoid her; recently she allegedly began to treat her poorly and forbade her to show any signs of attention. In a state of despair, R. tried to poison herself with sulfur from match heads.
R. lost her father early and was raised by her mother and stepfather. The latter treated her well and good relations developed between them, friendly relations. The mother is a calm, sociable woman by nature. The patient grew and developed normally. I went to school for 8 years and studied well. She lived in a village remote from the school, so from the age of 8 she began studying at a boarding school. Joint training with boys. She was a leader in the class and had good relationships with students.
R. is a beautiful, blue-eyed, brown-haired woman, of medium height, well-built, and has an athletic figure. Secondary sexual characteristics are expressed normally. Menstruation since the age of 15, regular, heavy, painless. I was not sexually active. It was a hit with the boys. They repeatedly offered her friendship, but she reacted negatively to their proposals. Boys never aroused interest. At the age of 15 I fell in love with a friend. She hugged and kissed her passionately and often saw her in her dreams. I dreamed that they were kissing, caressing each other, and sometimes an orgasm occurred. I fell in love with the teacher shortly after my friend left.
At first, in the psychiatric clinic, I really missed the teacher, I often saw her in my dreams, and waited for her to come. Then she calmed down, began to show more and more interest in the attending physician M. (a young girl), and began to discover an erotic attachment to her. Soon after discharge, she began sending M. letters declaring her love, and was worried when she did not receive an answer.
2 months after discharge, she was again taken to a psychiatric clinic due to a suicide attempt (on school party“I got upset and drank mercury from two thermometers”). In the clinic’s emergency room, Doctor M., who had previously treated her, was interested in me.
The doctor on duty, who knew about her special relationship with M., consulted with senior comrades and placed her in a regional psychiatric hospital, where M. does not work. The patient asked to leave her in the clinic or call M. to see her. During the conversation she said that she loved M. and missed her, that she had not received letters from M. for 2 months and then decided to go to the clinic again at any cost to see her. For this purpose, she staged a suicide attempt.
At the hospital she was handed over to a young male doctor. She did not pay attention to him, she switched all her feelings to another doctor - a young woman.
Psychotherapeutic conversations were held with the patient, during which it was explained to her that falling in love with a friend, teacher, or doctor is a natural reaction in adolescence. However, true happiness can only be achieved in a real family. It was suggested that when she got older, she would be able to choose a worthy life partner, marry him, and experience the joys of love and motherhood.
Follow-up after 6 years showed that a successful marriage led to normalization of the direction of sexual desire.
In this case, during puberty, a girl showed a pronounced orientation of sexual desire towards persons of the same sex. It arose without any external cause or adverse environmental influences. Instilling sick ideals family happiness, based on heterosexual love, and the installation of a normal sex life led to the suppression of homosexual tendencies and marriage.
Thus, we can conclude that the homosexual attitude of passive homosexuals is less persistent than that of active ones. When they find themselves in a favorable situation, they often experience a transition to heterosexual life, especially if they have a preserved sense of motherhood. If the husband turns out to be able to give her sexual satisfaction (by stimulating the appropriate erogenous zones, then the transition to normal sex life may be permanent. It must be said that we have never met frigid women among homosexuals, and apparently there are none, since frigid natures do not exhibit homosexual activity. Attempts at homosexual seduction are usually unsuccessful if, from childhood or adolescence, the individual has formed an attitude toward heterosexual life and has ethical and moral ideas about the inadmissibility of sexual relations between persons of the same sex, as well as a sense of motherhood. The following observation is typical.
R., 28 years old, at the age of 18, while intoxicated, was rudely deflowered by a young man who was escorting her from a party. I took it hard. Subsequently, there were two more short-term relationships with young people, during which she did not experience sexual satisfaction and remained in a state of frustration. Soon sexual intercourse became generally unpleasant. Once I slept in bed with a young woman whom I liked. This woman at night, by caressing the genital area, caused her to have a strong orgasm for the first time in her life. Then she began to pursue, trying to get with her intimacy. R. categorically rejected the relationship on moral grounds, but from that time on she began to masturbate sometimes. After 2 years, I met a man whom I fell in love with. She married him. Has two children. She is very attached to her husband and considers her marriage happy.
R. is feminine, soft in character, sociable, and emotionally labile.
In the above case homo sexual desire(passive form) did not arise, despite the fact that sexual life with a man began with mental trauma and was not accompanied by sexual satisfaction. Orgasm was first caused by a woman, but existing high ethical and moral ideas prevented the establishment of homosexual relationships and all development followed the path of normal sexual life.
In conclusion, it should be especially emphasized that the study of the etiology, pathogenesis, clinical picture and treatment of homosexuality in both women and men was previously usually carried out without taking into account clinical forms. For example, it was stated that homosexual men have impotence, but it was not indicated whether it is characteristic of active or passive ones, although it is obvious that active homosexual pederasts could not perform their acts if they had weak potency. When describing heredity, physique, and the development of secondary sexual characteristics, forms of male homosexuality were not taken into account.
When examining homosexual men, we adopted sexual self-identification as a criterion for classifying them as active or passive. It turned out that active homosexuals in their physique, character traits, interests and general behavior do not differ from healthy heterosexual men. Effeminate features in body structure and behavior, as well as the desire to wear clothes of the opposite sex, are characteristic only of passive homosexuals (Svyadoshch A.M., Antonov V.V., 1972).
All of the above indicates that the genesis of the active and passive forms of both female and male homosexuality is different. The active form of female and passive form of male homosexuality in most cases is based on an innate inversion of the direction of sexual desire. This is supported by the frequency of somatic and mental traits of the opposite sex, which are found in these groups of patients already from childhood. Such forms of inversion, in all likelihood, can be caused both genetically and exogenously caused by disturbances in the differentiation of the reproductive centers of the fetus in the critical period and the production of sex hormones in the mother or fetus, the introduction of sex hormones to the mother during pregnancy, and also be the result pathological secretion gonadotropins or sex hormones by the placenta, with hereditary or acquired decreased sensitivity fetal hypothalamus to hormonal influences (Dorner G., 1972). It is interesting to note that, according to A. A. Ehrhardt and J. Money (1968), in girls whose mothers received male sex hormones during pregnancy to preserve it, strikingly often “boyish” behavior was observed, i.e. the above-mentioned characterological features , which we have seen in many active homosexuals. Inversion acquired as a result of organic brain damage, endocrine and other disorders transferred to the brain is very rare. mature age. Situational factors do not play a decisive role in the emergence of the active form of female and passive forms of male homosexuality.
In the genesis of the passive form of female homosexuality, on the contrary, congenital characteristics of sexual desire, as well as cerebral or endocrine disorders, do not play a role. It is based on the formation of a strong conditioned reflex connection between the experience of orgasm and the woman who caused this experience. At the same time, the establishment of regular homosexual relationships is facilitated by the desire to overcome loneliness, to acquire a friend, etc. As mentioned, for many healthy women attraction to sexual intercourse with a man arises only after they begin to experience orgasm. In this regard, a woman’s sexual life with a man, which is not accompanied by sexual satisfaction, may favor the fixation of sexual desire on a woman who has managed to cause satisfaction in her. This may also be facilitated by an increased tendency to form very strong conditioned reflex connections.
Thus, we can say that people are usually born active homosexuals (more precisely, they are born only with a tendency towards an active form of homosexuality), and they become passive ones. The analogue of the passive form of female homosexuality is the active form of male homosexuality. However, the genesis of this form is more complex. And at its basis, just as at the basis of the passive form of female homosexuality, lies the fixation of the first strong sexual experiences on the person of the same sex who caused these experiences. Two more factors can contribute to this (Svyadoshch A.M., Antonov V.V., 1972).
1. The presence in many boys or young men from 7–8 to 15–16 years of age of a period of undifferentiated direction of sexual desire (the period of youthful hypersexuality, according to A. Moll, 1908). At this time, sexual arousal often occurs under the influence of a variety of influences, for example, during muscle tension during a fight with a friend, when riding in a car, train, when experiencing feelings of pain, fear, etc. At this age, sexual games are also often observed both heterosexual and homosexual in nature, consisting in feeling the genitals of others, their mutual arousal, etc. Since at this age the direction of sexual desire is not yet of a strictly heterosexual nature, its homosexual orientation can easily arise and become fixed.
2. The absence of the innate reaction of sexual arousal characteristic of men upon contact with naked female genitals. We have often observed these phenomena in homosexual men, both active and passive.
So, the congenital form of homosexuality (active in women and passive in men) is characterized by the following triad of symptoms:
1. A sense of belonging to a gender (violation of sexual self-identification of the gender role) and, in connection with this, the desire to appear as a person of the opposite sex and wear his clothes (transvestism).
2. The presence from childhood of certain somatic and characterological characteristics of the opposite sex.
The reactive (situationally) determined form of homosexuality (active in men and passive in women) is characterized by the presence of only the third member of the triad without the first two.
Transvestism (from the Greek vestis - clothing) - the desire to wear clothes and appear in the role of a person of the opposite sex. Transvestism has long been condemned by society. Thus, in the Jewish religion (5th book of Moses, 22.5) it was declared a sin for a man to wear women’s clothing and for a woman to wear men's dress. Among other accusations against Joan of Arc was the accusation that she wore a man's suit.
Transvestism is based on a violation of sexual self-identification - the feeling of belonging to opposite sex. Hence the desire to wear clothes and appear in the role of a person of the opposite sex. It is most often combined with an inversion of the direction of sexual desire and is then considered within the framework of homosexuality. Along with this, transvestism can also occur independently, observed in persons who are not homosexuals and live a normal sex life. However, even in these cases, one or another characterological characteristics of the opposite sex are usually noted from childhood, which we cited when describing the congenital forms of homosexuality.
Rice. 4 a, b. The man is a passive homosexual transvestist. Works as a cleaner. Calls himself Vasilisa Andreevna (according to his passport - Vasily Andreevich)
A 46-year-old patient was under our observation. He was married for 24 years. He lived a normal sex life and had two adult children. The physique showed effeminate features ( wide hips), however, the male genital organs were well developed, without any signs of hermaphroditism (Fig. 4 a, b).
Since childhood, he loved women's activities. He loved to try on women's dresses and jewelry. I felt like I belonged to the female gender. In my teenage years, this feeling intensified and the desire to wear women's clothing and pretend to be a woman increasingly appeared. I never experienced sexual attraction to men, but girls caused sexual desire. Particularly arousing was the sight of a naked female body and the touching of it. Sex life started at 17 with a girl 3 years older. After graduation, he was drafted into the army. Successfully promoted. At every opportunity, hiding it from others, he put on a woman's dress. After demobilization from the army, I wore it at home almost constantly. The son's wife began to protest against his going to women's dress, embroiders, sweeps the floor, cooks dinner. Then he submitted an application to the police with a request to officially recognize him as a woman so that he could freely go to women's clothing. Signs mental illness didn't find it.
We believe that similar cases Transvestism is a congenital condition. They are based, as well as the basis of congenital forms of homosexuality, in all likelihood, on violations of the differentiation of sex centers in the diencephalic region. These disorders may be less pronounced than in congenital forms of homosexuality, and therefore the direction of sexual desire towards persons of the opposite sex remains.
In women, transvestism is less common than in men, and is usually combined with a homosexual orientation of sexual desire.
As you know, the sexual orientation of representatives of both sexes can be different. If everything is clear with the traditional attraction of a woman to a man, then many questions arise regarding the reasons for the relationship between the two ladies.
The non-traditional sexual orientation of girls can be expressed either in lesbianism or bisexuality. In the first case, women prefer only their own kind as partners, and in the second they are interested in both girls and young men. There is still no clear opinion why some women refuse sex with men, despite the high scientific interest in this phenomenon.
Mismatch of needs
There are several theories about the causes of female homosexuality. According to the first of them, the so-called biological one, non-traditional sexual orientation in girls is due to the fact that the fair sex takes more time to become aroused than men. As a result, women find comfort and much longer lasting caresses in the arms of their girlfriends. It is the duration of sexual intercourse, almost entirely consisting of foreplay, that lesbians most often name as the main reason why they took
decision to give up intimate relationships with men.
Heredity issues?
Proponents of evolutionary theory believe that female homosexuality originated in ancient times. While men fought for food and for females, women had to satisfy their natural sexual needs only with each other. From the point of view of some scientists, as a result of this, their children acquired a special gene for homosexuality, due to which the sexual orientation of the descendants changed (which, however, has not yet been proven). It is believed that lesbian relationships are still common among women in countries where polygamous marriages and harems are considered the norm.
Strong weaker sex
According to sociological theory, the love between two women is due to the fact that for many centuries the fairer sex was treated with special reverence and care, and they were allowed much more weaknesses than men, who were immediately reprimanded. At the same time, in many ancient cultures, for example, in China, it was generally accepted that the sexual orientation of any person is dual and presupposes the simultaneous presence of both masculine (yang) and feminine (yin).
The embodiment of secret desires
Numerous sociological surveys conducted by modern researchers from different countries also showed that the vast majority of women either had experience of homosexual relationships or would like to try them, provided that none of their friends and relatives knew about it. Among sociologists, it is customary to divide lesbian and bisexual women into three groups, depending on their age. The first category includes teenage girls who often try to stand out through non-standard behavior and are most susceptible to the influence of mass culture, in which the image of homosexuals has recently been actively replicated.
Female bisexuality, homosexuality are topics often raised during consultations with a psychologist...
...is it same-sex love, or...?
Female same-sex love...
Good afternoon. Once, a few months ago, I became interested in such a topic as same-sex love and everything connected with it. After two weeks of reading pages on Wikipedia on this topic and daily reflections, I, of course, became interested in my own orientation... I began to remember. Boys didn’t interest me in any of the ways girls my age usually do, and female body It was always interesting and attractive with its forms.But I considered people of both my own and the opposite sex exclusively as friends. I tried to imagine kissing a girl. For this purpose I “chose” best friend(by the way, she was supposed to come to my city in a few weeks). I fantasized about a kiss the whole evening, and I absolutely loved it! After the fantasies, we began to communicate better with her, I wrote that I loved her, etc. And when she arrived... we spent the whole day walking hand in hand, hugging, I was just incredibly happy walking with her. She even kissed me like I dreamed! You should have seen how I jumped around the room after that... Yes, I still dream about many things connected with us. It would seem strange? After all, according to the description, everything fits - a typical crush. But this did not happen spontaneously, as in most cases, but consciously. My inner voice dictates to me: “Don’t you dare look in the direction of the guys!”, although internally I don’t really want to look at them? I'm just afraid to fall in love with them. I realized that I want to be gay and love exclusively representatives of my gender, but my intuition tells me that adult life I will stop thinking about girls and be “normal.” So what is it anyway? Is this really falling in love? The desire to stand out in front of someone, or just stupid dreams?
What is this - female same-sex love or stupid fantasies? - Psychologist's answer:
Hello, Sasha!I understand that you are the eldest adolescence. This is the time, as a rule, for the final formation of personality: worldview, life priorities, values, and of course, the formation of sexual orientation.
Although, of course, under the pressure of society in adulthood, a person with an internal attraction to same-sex love may wear the mask of a heterosexual and hide his true attraction, which will most likely make his life miserable.
Same-sex love, of course, is unnatural, contrary to nature itself, human biology, meaning future life in descendants, but changing your orientation in order to be like everyone else, in order to be happy, is possible only with the help of psychoanalysis or psychotherapy. Because This attraction is not innate, it is unconsciously acquired in the process of education (parental programming) and primary socialization.
However, the experience of human existence shows that those who do not want to change their true attraction, their same-sex orientation and do not put on a “mask of decency” live quite happy life.
Everyone has their own conscious and free choice.
Every year interest in the LGBT community is becoming greater. People are increasingly open about their orientation and preferences. Coming out doesn't come as a shock when we read the news. And the rumors that Cara Delavigne has found herself new girl look boring and banal as much as the new passions of Leonardo DiCaprio look boring and banal. Despite such external openness and even the opportunity to legalize their relationships in some countries, there remain those who still treat homosexuals with hatred and contempt. And their percentage is also high.
I think that in every historical turn there are categories of people who are subject to deprivation. If you go deeper into history, these people used to be Jews and African-Americans; pagans and Islamists were subjected to hatred. There are always those who do not fit into the social norm, but any deviation can be not only exclusively negative, but also positive. It is worth noting that in a global sense, the world can only exist in a balanced mode, and the theory of evolution justifies homosexuals as a way to balance the population. People only hate what they do not know, what they are not used to. Adherents of the patriarchal system do not tolerate non-traditional relationships, because in them there is no possibility of conceiving and giving birth to a child. But is it worth talking about the percentage of adoptive parents, as well as those who use eco and give birth naturally? Is it worth talking about the percentage of heterosexual families in which there is simply no man? Is it worth saying that a person does not choose whom to love?
The unconventional becomes traditional if it is passed down from generation to generation and accepted by the majority. That is, we can assume that in 50 years in countries where same-sex marriage are considered the norm, they will finally get used to homosexuals.
Olga and Katya
Oddly enough, our acquaintance developed in a more than banal way. We found each other on the same social network when I was in Minsk and Katyusha was temporarily living in India. We started texting across time zones. And then it turned out that it was simply impossible to live without a phone. You see, you wake up with your phone, you go to sleep with it, you eat and you work. When Katya arrived, the first and only date did not take long to arrive. We didn’t manage to meet a second time, because we immediately started living together.
To be honest, I never liked the word lesbian. It's just terrible, there's no beauty in it. We can probably be considered simply open people. I am far from all these conventions. We certainly don’t lead a reclusive life, but we don’t go to parades with rainbow flags either.
My mother first heard from me about my tastes when I was 12-13 years old, I think she began to guess even earlier. Were different times in her attitude to my choice, but this is understandable. Now my mother and I are friends, and I am the best child for her. I think to some extent I failed to fulfill her hopes and dreams, but she never talks about it.
There are no problems with society. I was always hired, and I never felt violated in my rights, only because I love women. I think it all depends on the person - I have always been loved, respected and appreciated no matter where I worked. With the advent of Mikel, nothing has changed, there is bewilderment, but we are not accosted on the streets, and they do not throw stones at us. Judging by social networks, among our subscribers there are many hetero couples who watch and admire us. This is great.
To be honest, I don’t remember a single time that we brought up the topic of having children. If you remember, we didn’t even have a second date. This is the story. One day we were going about our business and passing a regular antenatal clinic, we stopped. Katya came into the office fully dressed in motorcycle gear and said that she wanted to become a mother. That's how it all started. IN next year she gave me a daughter. Has our life changed? Of course yes, in absolutely everything, a “new girl” has appeared in our house, who is now stealing all our time. Every day we teach her something new, and she, in turn, teaches us something.
I never seriously thought about legitimizing our relationship. I don’t see the point of getting married in a country where it’s just a fiction. What will this paper do? I believe that all marriages are made in heaven, and it’s enough for me that we are a family, we have a wonderful daughter, I love and respect my girls. And I don’t need any papers or certificates for this.
Snezhana and Sveta
It all started when I downloaded the Enjoy app - it’s like Tinder, only for girls. The dialogue with Sveta was one of the first; we joked awkwardly and agreed to drink beer, which I did not take seriously. To be honest, I didn’t think that the first meeting would have such a strong impact on our future. The next meeting took place a couple of days later, and then we were unstoppable.
Literally a month later I was almost living with Sveta; the official move took place after 4 months of relationship. At the moment, we have been together for a year, time flies, we are happy. My mother treats Sveta very well, we visit each other, moreover, our last vacation, from which we returned a couple of days ago, was also a joint one, you know, a family vacation.
Sveta’s parents don’t know about her sexuality, but I can assume that, like many sensitive parents, they guess.
When we walk down the street, we almost always hold hands, tactile contact always happens. We are sincere and do not hide our feelings and emotions when they ask to come out. For what? It's true that we can't afford to kiss public place, unless only furtively and when no one sees. People react differently. Someone laughs, someone looks with a questioning look, there are a lot of condemning people, but we don’t care, we love and are not going to live the way others want to live.
We are always together and I simply cannot imagine life without her, and I never cease to thank the universe for such a gift. Of course, I would like to get married, but what is happening in Russia, or rather what is not happening at all, prevents this. I often ask myself a question. Why can't we live normal life How do other people live? We are equal. Why should we suffer and infringe on our feelings, hide, be afraid of being judged and rejected? Why should we be afraid to kiss each other when we meet? This is a global and sad topic, but there is no other way. We are all the same people, just with a different story. And we all, deep down in our souls, sincerely hope that someday something will change in our country.
Lera and Lera
I dedicate my story to people who believe that their “good” is good for everyone, and someone else’s point of view has no right to exist.
It all started 8 years ago when I met my beloved female person. This was the birth of something many times more than just friendship, and in the future it turned into a union of two soulmates. It all happened thanks to a site with online diaries that was popular at that time. Then all sorts of messengers of those times, tons of text discussing almost any topic, but not personal information and history. We saw photos of each other after 4-5 years of communication, and met in person after six months of starting a long-distance relationship. Everything happened as it should have happened - and a couple of months later I moved to another city to live with her. I have been here for three years now: studying, working. A year ago, we finally started living together - both joy and torment (for people with an urgent need for personal space).
Despite all our attempts, we are both not yet fully autonomous, and our parents may demand something. It should be noted here that my family, although diverse, is far from traditional model. Take, for example, my father’s tattoos, nipple and ear piercings, and my mother’s same-sex experiments in her youth. But they never demanded a husband and children from me. When my parents found out about my real reason for moving to another city, they were not happy. But on the other hand, they couldn’t do anything. So until now no one discusses the topic of homosexuality. The girl’s parents are much more conservative than mine, but their position is the same - to close their eyes.
We have never had problems with society, I think, for two obvious reasons: we do not declare anything openly and do not look somehow atypical. One activist chided us for our passivity and unwillingness to prove to society that we are normal and simply want to defend our rights. But I can say for myself, I do not believe in the mythical possibility of building a new humane system of values within our country, into which homosexuals will fit. No, this clearly will not happen during my lifetime. Therefore, no actions or public debates. I do not want to bring some sense to those who have convinced themselves in advance that their point of view is unbreakable.
I am not afraid of the lack of rights for LGBT citizens of Russia, I am afraid of the lack of rights for all citizens. Life in Russia is unpromising both for ordinary citizens and for LGBT people (but when you are gay, there is definitely more fire and life is “more fun”). There is no future for us in Russia, so a master’s degree in Europe is our way out.
Alina and Maria
We met in the 3rd year, and before that we studied in the same stream. During this time, we only talked a couple of times, there was interest in each other, but Masha was in a relationship, and by the way, I was also dating a guy.
When we began to communicate closely, I found out about her “real” orientation; it turned out that she noticed me as soon as we entered the university. I didn’t have girls before Masha.
Parents reacted differently. Her father and my mother thought it was strange, but they accepted it and did not judge it. Now Masha and her mother have become very close. She often comes to our house. As for Masha’s mother, when she found out, she kicked her out of the house. And everything there was really creepy, but that was before my time, so I won’t go into details. What upsets me most is my father's attitude towards this, because he is very clever man, who is sure that homosexuality is a disease.
Society. I remember how at the beginning of our relationship all sorts of freaks came up to us on the street with some vague questions. But it quickly passed. I can't even imagine what this is connected with. My close friends and classmates reacted sensibly, even positively. Some of them were even offended that we hid it for so long. If we see someone whispering when they see us, we smile. There is no point in keeping negativity inside if you are happy.
After graduating from university we plan to live together, even though it is difficult. We will rent an apartment and work so that we can buy housing in the future.
Olga and Larisa
We met 5 years ago, at the birthday party of Larisa’s girlfriend at the time. At that moment I was free, Larisa seemed beautiful and smart, but I was not interested at all. After all, she was in a relationship, and that was enough for me.
One day I couldn’t sleep, and I decided to chat with someone, and Larisa was the only person online. We talked until the morning, and I found out that Larisa is now also free. Afterwards we talked constantly, and a week later we agreed to meet. Literally a month later we started living together.
I had never lived with a girl before, somehow I always remained within the family nest. But every time I appeared at home less and less, I had to tell why. Mom didn’t say anything special and took everything calmly. Later we talked to her, and she said that she loves me and since this is my choice, then she accepts it. There were problems with other relatives, namely with my brother and sister. Ultimately, everyone got used to it. We have become very friendly and go to visit each other and celebrate holidays together. But Larisa’s parents did not accept their daughter’s choice. Of course, they communicate, but in every conversation mom makes it clear that she doesn’t like all this.
How did society react? I have no idea. We don’t talk about it on purpose, we behave decently and don’t kiss on the street. I think that many people guess about our relationship. But we are already adults and we have not cared about the opinions of others for a long time. We opened up to people who are dear to us and with whom we want to communicate in life. These are our friends, all of them of traditional orientation, with families and children. By the way, they accepted us without any reproaches. We try not to be frank with others.
For two years now we have been living not together, but three. Larisa gave birth to a son - a beautiful and cheerful baby. We came to this consciously. We decided that there should be even more love in our family, that we simply need another bright ray of sunshine. Became the father of the child old friend Larisa, whom they met on one of the sites, especially for the birth of a child. He is a gay. There was no talk of any clinics. He came to our home, collected biomaterial into a syringe and handed it to me. It worked 3 times. And everything was great, we even gave birth together. In the near future I am also going to become a mother. Of course, some legal difficulties arise. After all, from the point of view of the law, we are strangers to each other. For example, I couldn’t get to the hospital when Larisa and the baby were admitted for examination, since only relatives were allowed in. But it was government agency, in paid there are different rules. For money, people are ready not to neglect you, so you have to pay.
Of course, we think about the child’s future, and our opinions differ a little. I am increasingly thinking about how to correctly explain to a child why mom lives with Olya and not with dad, and so on. Larisa says that the problem must be solved as it arises. Despite all this, we will try to raise our children so that they do not have to feel any inconvenience in life.
Anya and Dasha
Anya fell in love with me first, as is commonly believed in our couple. But to be honest, I was attracted to her even when I saw her photo. It showed a girl in a T-shirt, with short hair, a strong-willed look and a lit cigarette. I love visual art, or maybe I'm just impressionable. But the photograph seemed very powerful to me, Anya seemed courageous and daring. In general - a complete set.
When we met, the world turned upside down. Anya turned out to be not rude at all, but at the same time, calling me “beautiful”, the vibes were definitely masculine. You know, when a man compliments you, you feel something like that. It is worth noting that I had not communicated so closely with women before, although some tried to show me signs of attention. I don’t know what this is connected with.
I hadn’t dated girls before Anya, and I can’t say that the fact that she was a girl made me happy. I suffered and suffered from fear of public opinion for a very long time, as did my parents and friends. It was terribly scary. But something impossibly pulled me towards her. For half a year we just talked, went to exhibitions and movies, took pictures (Anya is a photographer), drank cognac together and lived this life like this. Happy together too. A lot happened during this time. Anya broke up with the girl, and I... And I loved her with all my heart. I fell in love with her as a person, first of all. But I had to get used to gender.
We had a great time together and everything started to work out. I kissed her first, then one day I left home with a big suitcase. I left not because I wanted to live together, but I just wanted to leave. But it turned out like this. Family life seemed even more cheerful and joyful to me. After all, there was no need to part, and it was always sad. After a while, Anya gave me a ring. And if it had been possible to sign, then I think we would have been the first in line.
We love each other and do not hide our feelings, we always walk by the hand, kiss and laugh, Anya carries me in her arms, we can say that we live life to the fullest. This will sound strange, but people love us and not just those on the Internet. We are often told that we are beautiful and unusual. And it seems to me that it’s about the love that lives in the heart. It spreads to the people around and makes them a little kinder.
We have been dating for 2.5 years, of which we have been living together for one and a half years and have no plans to separate. It’s too early to talk about children, but no one excludes the possibility that someday we will decide. In the meantime, we are planning to get a cat. I love Anya very much, I know that she will read this, so I will say it again. I love you Ann.
In conclusion, I just want to say that love is the best feeling on earth that cannot be discriminated against. Love each other at all costs, give yourself to each other. And I really hope that everyone will find that same soul mate.
I Loved Her: True Stories of Same-Sex Love was last modified: February 13th, 2017 by Dasha Krasnova
