A successful career for women, how to succeed in everything. Family and career. What to choose and how to combine family and career

Have you come across survey data from hospices? Answering the question "What is your biggest omission in life?" the dying do not say: I regret that I spent little time at work. They say: I regret that I spent so little time with my family. That he gave them little warmth, that he did not find the opportunity and time to give them all the love that was in his heart.

By the way, although men regret the same things (that little time is devoted to loved ones), for them this does not have such a harmful effect, because success in external activities is their element. And as doctors say, for a woman - the higher the position, the sadder in gynecology ...

Family and career are like south and north. You can go south and you will get there, you can go north and you will also reach your destination. But moving in both directions at the same time is technically impossible.

Whatever goal you choose, that is what you will achieve. But it will be one goal and no more. Even Munchausen failed to catch two birds with one stone.

The day of any woman consists of twenty-four hours. And the time spent on work will no longer go to the family. To believe that it is possible to succeed in everything is a delusion, it is the cause of many disappointments and conflicts in family relationships.

When a woman leaves for another world, will she grieve that she did not replace the Lada Kalina with a Mercedes? That she achieved the position of director of the department, but were there all the makings of becoming a vice president? Or she'll be sad for what's missed son's graduation At school? Or that there was not enough time to tell her daughter where her boats were sailing along the stream ...

Achievement is the male path of self-realization. In women, self-realization lies in relationships. I will tell you a shocking secret: we are categorically different! Women's and men's - different! And there is no happiness in career success for a woman if feelings are destroyed, if a woman has to constantly ask herself whether it is possible to save her family.

I have reason to say so. Not so long ago, I held the position of editor-in-chief of a media holding, was vice president of a huge company, a member of the presidium of the city Duma, and worked as chairman of the city's Public Chamber. But when I realized that I would not make it to my granddaughter's graduation in kindergarten because of the meeting, it dawned on me: I'm going the same way again! I was already at work when my daughter went to school, experienced her first love, rejoiced and saddened ... And it turns out that I am stepping on the same rake again? How can you decide family problems, if again all my time began to take work?

Luck smiled at me - I jumped out of the squirrel wheel in time, without waiting for it to destroy my happiness. Celebrating my 50th birthday, I said: I am done with business and politics, I will only deal with my family.

I family man. My husband is building a career and supporting his family. And I perfectly understand that not every woman has a husband with such an approach to the division of duties. This is my third marriage. My first two marriages were ruined for the very reason that I was the leader and leader of the pack and could not act like a woman at all. And only at the second divorce it dawned on me: if both husbands are goats, is it quite possible that I am not a swan princess?

And she began to master the laws of a successful marriage with the same perseverance with which she had previously mastered business methods. And remake yourself, change your characteristic qualities - in order to find true femininity. It’s not easy to become different in this direction, but it’s quite possible.

Should a woman go to work? If four hours are spent on such work several times a week, then it may well be. And provided that this is not a conveyor, but a female area of occupation: drawing, music, other creativity or care ... So that there is somewhere to show a new dress and drink tea and cookies with the girls.

Sociological studies show: careerists, not bound by ties marriage, twice as many as family men. There are as many as 70% of women careerists. And this is sad, because. many women deprive themselves of family joys by "marrying a career." But what about those who have already managed to feel the joy of career growth, but faced misunderstanding in the family? Choose one thing or chase two birds with one stone? After all, you want to be in time for everything, to be realized in all directions, to enjoy financial well-being and at the same time bathe in the love of loved ones and relatives.

We will talk about what prevents us from doing everything and how to deal with it.

Three positions of a woman

In the topic "Woman, family and work" there are three public positions.

Family biological.
The main goal of a woman - Education of the next generation. It is the mother who should take care of the children and the family, and not the grandmother, aunt, nanny, teacher. A working woman destroys the historically established Vedic way of life.
Description: a woman sits at home, keeps a home, brings up children, etc.
Possible problems. It is good if a woman voluntarily takes such a position, fulfills herself in the upbringing of children, and the family does not experience material needs. But if she is subjected to pressure from relatives, is forced to stay at home, then any attempts to grow professionally will run into strong family resistance.
Social.
The main goal of a woman - to be a master of all trades, in other words - to be in time for everything as possible.
Description: a woman takes care of the house, children, works to earn a living, break away from everyday routine, or just for fun.
Possible problems. There will be no problems if a woman works for pleasure, personal development and self-improvement. Then the sheep are safe and the wolves are full. And what about those who are forced to work in order to feed their families? If a woman works for money, most likely she will have dissatisfaction with her fate, a spouse who cannot provide for her and children, etc.
Career.
The main goal of a woman- to take place as a specialist. If everything goes well with her work and career, then she will always be respected by her husband, children and other family members, as well as society. Only the financial viability of a woman can provide a decent standard of living.
Description: a woman works for pleasure, gushes with ideas, is indispensable in the business sphere, colleagues appreciate, bosses support, career not far away.
Possible problems. If family members calmly, or even enthusiastically, treat a super-business mother, actively support them, then there will be no problems. But, unfortunately, there are cases when the husband resists, and the children do not receive proper attention from adults. Such family problems often lead to the breakup of relationships and the breakup of the family.

Test "Do you successfully combine family and work?"

Can you balance family and work? Take the test to find out. Answer a few questions and add up your points.
1. Do you like your job? Does it bring joy, satisfaction, inspiration? Do you feel good after work?
Yes (0 points) No (1 point)
2. Can you set aside an average of one day a week for your family?
Yes (0 points) No (1 point)
3. How do family members feel about your work?
More positive (0 points) More negative (1 point)
4. Do you often have the feeling that you are spinning like a squirrel in a wheel?

5. Do you often yell at your children, your husband, other family members?
Often (1 point) Rarely (0 points)
Result.
0 points - you are a multitasking person, competently and successfully combine family and work.
1 and > points. In combination, you experience difficulties. The number of points indicates the degree of difficulty.

What makes a good combination?

financial support;
inspiration, “winging” from work, if it is beloved;
time for family members;
rest time ( best holiday- this is a change of activity);
time for yourself and your hobbies;
the ability to rebuild your own schedule, eliminate " weak spots»;
the ability to use different areas of the brain.

Different mothers are needed, all kinds of mothers are important.

S. Mikhalkov

Difficulties in combining

Regardless of the mode in which the parent (read: mother) works - at home or in the office, the difficulties of combining cannot be avoided. Let's look at the main ones.

Family, children and work at home. Tatyana, 34 years old, online psychologist: After the birth of my child, I returned to online counseling. I did this not because we did not have enough funds, but rather because I wanted, as before, to receive satisfaction from work. Small child doesn’t let me talk on Skype for a long time, so I switched to individual counseling by mail.

Difficulties:

Time limitation. If the average person in the office has 8 hours to solve production tasks and significant periods of time can be allocated for each, then a mother working at home cannot afford such a luxury, especially if the child is still very small.
What to do? It is important to learn how to use the short time intervals when the child is busy with other activities and the time the child sleeps.
Force majeure or force majeure. All parents know: children are unpredictable, and small ones even more so. Therefore, it is important for mothers working at home to take into account the fact that the baby at any time can make his own adjustments to her ideal plan for today, or even change it completely (fell ill, woke up in a bad mood, locked himself in the toilet and cannot go out, exhausted his passport, tore up the necessary papers).
What to do? When planning, it is important to try to be flexible, not be afraid to adjust plans, always have a plan B in reserve (for example, if a child does not allow you to focus on an article, you can sort out two shelves of things), do not leave conditionally urgent things for tomorrow. What if tomorrow turns out to be even "more fun"?
switchability. In the office, you can focus on completing a task, close mail, Skype, ask colleagues / visitors not to disturb. ( Note. author from personal experience : This does not apply to secretaries. Secretary like Magic wand, is needed by everyone, always, at any moment, especially the director. Therefore, dear secretaries, train your concentration and calm switching. In work, as well as communication with the child, this will pay off handsomely). After all, you can’t explain to the baby that the mother is working and cannot be distracted, that she needs to wait an hour to sit on her mother’s laps, drink water or play hide and seek.
What to do?
a) do not waste your energy on frustration - you have been torn off and will be torn off. You must accept these conditions and act in accordance with them;
b) take into account the distraction when planning. When the child is awake, do things that do not require maximum concentration.

from the Internet

What to do?

positive emotions

Family, children, work outside the home. Notes of volunteers from a nursing home, an excerpt from an article by A. Anikina: “I gave birth to Sashenka and sent her to a nursery at two months. After - kindergarten, a school with an after-school program ... In the summer - a pioneer camp. One evening I come home and understand: a stranger lives there, a fifteen-year-old man completely unfamiliar to me.

Difficulties:

Guilt complex before children and family:“I am constantly at work, I don’t see how children grow up.”
What to do? It is important to focus on the positives. For example, you have a favorite job, it brings income / helps to realize yourself / gives food for the brain / inspires, etc. And how to allocate time for communication with family members, we will analyze further.
Concerns about children: “How are they doing without me?”, “Where is my child now, has he got into some terrible situation?”
What to do? Eliminate fears practically: make the house safe, teach the child to behave correctly in extreme situations, do not talk to strangers on the street, do not open the door to strangers, know the telephone numbers for quick response, call up more often, etc.
The desire to stay after work, solving production issues.
What to do?
a) do not harness yourself to work by 150%. The working day is over, get together and close the office door, leaving all production behind it. Move the solution of production puzzles to the morning next day. Also, if possible, do not load your family with business matters;
b) learn to say no. Do not agree to the requests of colleagues to replace them, especially when it comes to weekends - it's better to spend this time with your family. Appreciate yourself and respect your time.

What is stopping us from doing everything?

It would seem that we live in an age of technological progress: here you have the Internet, and washing machines, and Email, and logistics, as well as microwave ovens, multicookers, washing vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, electric kettles, but still we don’t have time to do anything. And so I want to stretch the day, not get tired and enjoy life.

So, what is stopping us from doing everything we want to do?

Lack of clear understanding“What do I want to do today / tomorrow / this week?” It is important to understand what you really want. Otherwise, a large amount of time will be spent on empty browsing on the Internet, watching TV programs that do not teach anything, aimless conversations, etc.
Lack of motivation. You also need to ask yourself the question: “Why do I need this?” Moreover, the answer “Everyone has time, but I don’t” is not suitable, since it is just a social attitude and nothing more.
Ask yourself questions: “What will the combination give me? How will it change my life better side? Only having a strong motivation for the subconscious, we will be able to change something in our lives.
Lack of priorities. Often we take on everything without distinguishing between what really needs to be done and what can be delayed. Spraying on several things at the same time, we often do not complete any of them.
No plan. People who are not used to planning their day/week/month often find it difficult to keep the important things in focus. Remember how in the turmoil of things that have piled on we sometimes lose our bearings, forgetting about important matters We litter our day with things that do nothing to help us reach our goals.
Decreased energy level. To achieve any goal, a certain amount of energy is needed. And where can I get it, if it is difficult to get up in the morning, and in the evening we fall down from fatigue? How to recharge your batteries, we will talk below.
"Career escape". Working on a career is a convenient excuse to run away from the family. Why do I say so? Very often dissatisfaction personal relationships makes a person go headlong into work. And as you advance in the service, the gap between spouses grows, especially if only one is engaged in a career. A careerist sometimes manifests coldness, arrogance, cruelty to family members, etc. If both are engaged in a career, a conflict of interests and upholding power at the household level are likely. For example:
- Take out the trash!
- And what did you order? Command at your work!
They often say: " Successful career one of the spouses is always a test of strength for relationships. And in this case We need to work on rebuilding family relationships.
Lack of contact with children, family members. A serious inhibitory factor in our lives is the violation of the effectiveness of communication with family members. Remember how much effort it takes you to persuade a child to clean up toys, to get a husband off the couch, to convince a grandmother not to feed her grandchildren with sweets, and how much time and effort is released when you somehow establish a trusting and understanding relationship with them. .

How to succeed?

Pareto Rule, or Pareto Law, orthe 20/80 principle. Often we spend a lot of energy on solving a problem, but looking back, we notice that the main part of the actions was in vain and only a small part of them brought us closer to the result. This is where the rule, named after the Italian sociologist Vilfredo Pareto, will help us.

Essence: "20% of efforts give 80% of the benefits, the remaining 80% of the efforts - 20% of the benefits."

For example, when cleaning, at first we work with enthusiasm, and the rest of the time we force ourselves to finish everything as soon as possible. And the cleaning does not end there: there are always new places that need to be cleaned up, and lying things that you didn’t even remember an hour ago.

More examples. When learning new material, 20% of the information gives us 80% of the knowledge, while 80% of the information gives only 20% of the knowledge.

Of all the items in our house, we actively use only 20%, while 80% of the things we practically do not use.

In other words, spending a lot of time to achieve a result does not mean it will be faster or faster. busy man- does not mean being productive.

How to effectively apply the Pareto rule in family and business life?

If you think that you do not have time to devote enough time to children, try at least 20 minutes before going to bed to play with them in Board games or arrange an "evening of secrets". Or, for example, on the weekend, take a walk with the children for two hours: go skiing, go skating, run kite. Perfect option- Give each child a few minutes a day for confidential communication. Children always miss him. And there is no need to reproach yourself for the fact that you cannot constantly be with the children. After all, quantity does not mean quality.

Another example: for today's working day, you have outlined 10 tasks for yourself. Select the two most disliked of them and do them first. Work on the rest during the remaining time and you will see how easier it becomes to work.

« Decluttering, or Organization of the surrounding space. Let's put things in order not only on the table, but throughout the house, but first get rid of unnecessary things. If you have a thought: “I don’t have anything unnecessary”, look into the wardrobe, open the kitchen set, open the mezzanines - see how many things you didn’t use more than a year. How many items were purchased a special case, which never came, and how many of them are idle, lie on the shelves only because they did not fit either you or your family members. According to Feng Shui, all these things bring chaos to life, block creativity, interfere with the free circulation of energy and prevent the flow of everything new into your life.

Mess on the table - a mess in the head.

What is the best way to clear the space?

There are three ways.

System. Set aside one day a month for yourself to declutter, getting rid of at least 30 items each time.
Situational. If you notice that there is nothing to find in the nursery / in the kitchen / on the personal table, it's time to clean.
Sudden. If the conceived cases are poorly resolved, everything falls out of your hands, you Bad mood or apathy has arisen - conduct an express decluttering. Start throwing out unnecessary things within 10 minutes and only then stop. We assure you, after 10 minutes you will notice how your mood will improve and a peaceful peace will come in your soul, well, or a desire to carry out a general cleaning in the whole house.

What to get rid of and where to put what?

Getting rid of:
- from frank garbage: used pieces of paper, empty boxes, broken things, broken dishes;
- clothes and shoes that no one wears, furniture that, in principle, you no longer need, but it's a pity to throw it away;
- gifts that have not found a place in your heart;
- things and items bought "by mood" and not useful.
Throw away trash in the trash. More or less good things can be given to friends, to charity or sold via the Internet. Start freeing up your living space today.

Prioritization. On a daily basis, every business parent performs a large number of tasks that take up the whole day, and you constantly have to make decisions - what to do now and what to do later. It is important not to get lost in this cycle. To prevent this from happening, you need to properly prioritize.

How to focus on what's important?

Unload your brain. Take a piece of paper and make a to-do list. This will help unload your head from the endless stream of cases on which you constantly have to keep your attention.
Lay out on shelves. We use the Eisenhower matrix. The essence of the matrix is that each task must be entered into one of four groups.

Sector A - important and urgent matters. Tasks that need to be done immediately to avoid trouble. For example, call the doctor, because. the child has a fever, turn off all electrical appliances, because. smell of burning, send an urgent fax, because the client cannot wait.

Sector B - important and not urgent matters. Things that slowly but surely move you towards your desired goal. We need to focus on them, because they are the ones that bring the greatest benefit. For example, think about the text corporate newspaper, conduct a developmental activity with the child, go to fitness, develop a travel route.

Sector C - urgent and not important matters. These are also harmful and useless deeds that do nothing to bring us closer to the goal. For example, a sudden visit of a sales agent at the moment when you bathe a child, laundry / cleaning / cooking at night (it’s convenient that no one gets in your way, but lack of sleep affects your health). Always ask yourself the question: “Do I need to do this right now?”

Sector D - not important and not urgent matters. The most harmful deeds, which, according to the law of meanness, are pleasant and interesting, but do not bring any result and benefit at all. For example, aimless updating of the feed in social networks, "hanging" on the forums, "empty" conversations, sitting at the TV. It is advisable to get rid of such “cases” altogether or plan a certain time for them.

Try to devote as little time as possible to the affairs of the lower quadrants (C and D), and more to the affairs of the B quadrant.

Useful Planning Tips

When making a plan for the next day, it is worth:
.highlight important areas, tasks and goals;
.range them in order of importance;
.write an approximate or exact time, if it is more convenient for you, when you need to complete certain tasks.

Establishing contacts with family members.

Establishing contact with children. Contact with the child can be disturbed by both the mother working at home and the mother working in the office.

How to know that the contact is broken? Let's give examples. If the mother works at home, the child does not allow to sit at the computer, constantly pulls, demands attention, throws tantrums, does not want to play on her own at all. If a mother goes to work, she may have anxious-obsessive thoughts (“Did something happen to my child while I’m at work?”) Or the child is constantly offended, behaves like a little one, hides problems, closes in communication, does not obeys.

Let's think about why children sometimes do not let us do our own thing? And it's not all about selfishness. Constantly drawing your attention to yourself, the child indicates a lack of communication with elders. And not just communication, but effective, correct, beneficial.

Any child older than three years old can be negotiated. But the child will not hear you if effective contact is broken.

How to restore contact?

1. Listen to your children, understand their needs, learn to communicate without reproaches and criticism, and if there are negative emotions, then express them in a way that does not harm them.
2. Show children your love. In the evening, try to find time to read a book together, play quiet games, tell a bedtime story.
Help children prepare for the holidays in kindergarten or school. Attend these events. If you can’t attend the holiday, when you come home, ask how everything went, what games, contests, gifts were, what you liked, look at the photos and videos from the event with your child, and discuss.
3. Expand the boundaries of communication. Many parents mistakenly believe that watching TV together is enough. Yes, it's convenient. Only artificial communication is enough for our children. Take your child by the hand and take a walk with him to the park, the zoo, organize a picnic, go fishing, arrange family bowling competitions. Children's delight will not end!
4. Practice trusting communication. Conduct conversations with the child not in the form of an interrogation: “How are you at school?”, “What grades did you get?”, “What did you eat?”, But by the type of reasoning - go to the cinema together, and then discuss the main characters, tell the child about your school problems in the past, find out the child's opinion about love and friendship, mutual understanding, hatred, etc.

Establishing contacts with other family members. Above, we have already said that households may be unhappy with your permanent absence at work, ignore your requests (help clean the room, put the child to bed), turn out to be difficult to convince, because for one reason or another your opinion did not turn out to be authoritative for them. All this is also a consequence of broken contact.

How to restore contact?

1. Express your love to the family and unite. Don't give all weekend homework. Relax with your family, walk more and communicate.
Also try to devote time after work to the family. At the same time, turn off your phone, computer and forget about production matters - let the family feel that you are really with them.
Try to spend holidays with your family as well. And to make it even more interesting, plan it together, share ideas, information, develop interesting routes allocate responsibilities for preparation.
Perform Operation Dinner Date. If possible, take a lunch break with your spouse. Even the most organized in a simple way, he will not be deprived of a share of romance, we promise you this! Agree on who will approach whom, or meet in one of the cafes. After all, every minute spent together with your other half is priceless, and for sure you will want to dine together more often.
Shared breakfast is also excellent opportunity strengthen relationships within the family. Learn to set aside time for your family in the morning before work / going to kindergarten, school, etc. morning time- these are the closest and most intimate hours of communication, despite the fact that they require sacrifices in the form of giving up sweet sleep, breakfast with a smartphone or TV. Try the whole family to go to bed half an hour earlier, and in the morning give each other half an hour of leisurely communication.
Try to spend the weekend with your family, especially if you don't see much during the week. Of course, the temptation to arrange shopping with friends is very great, but the family is more important.
As we said above, quantity does not mean quality. If it is difficult for you to allocate all the weekends to the family, as well as spend evenings, have breakfast with the household, try to allocate at least one day a week to the family. How to do this is up to you - there would be a desire. You can find a job with a day off, change your schedule, hire a housekeeper so as not to be distracted by household chores, etc.
2. Clearly formulate requests and motivate to solve problems. It is important to always be honest about your problems and the feelings you are experiencing (“I can’t do this and that”, “I am worried about the health of our daughter”, “I am at a loss”) and at the same time never blame others (“ You don’t care”, “You don’t give a damn about your daughter”, “Only a disservice from you”, “Your hands grow from the wrong place”). In other words, let family members be good.
Instead of accusations, ask for specific help (pick up the child from kindergarten, cook dinner) or describe the problem with motivation for finding a solution (“I’m very tired after work, I don’t have the strength to cook dinner, what can we think of?”). Family members should feel that they are being listened to, and not barked in a commanding voice.

Rest. The mother of many children left the children and her husband in the room, went into the kitchen and strictly forbade anyone not to enter. Twenty minutes pass, the children quietly open the door, and mom sits in the kitchen, drinking tea with chocolate, ALONE! Everyone is at a loss: “Mom, what are you doing?” - "I make you good mother!» (from the Internet).

If you manage to improve contacts with family members, it will save the lion's share your energy, because you will be less tired and be able to do more useful things. However, you should never forget about your own rest. A person who allocates time for rest automatically replenishes his internal resources, becomes happier, and children get a wonderful parent who has the strength to give warmth and care.

Remember what you used to like to do? Get back to your hobbies, at least for a little while. Rest can also be combined with activities. For example, if you love to read, you can listen to audiobooks while cleaning or while driving.

Household chores, or a few practical advice fromflylady. Oh those household chores! When there is only one person in the family besides you, it’s all right, and if you can’t wait for you to come home from work, two small “What you bought” and one big “What to eat”, as well as suddenly arriving guests ... Here the laws of psychology are forgotten, and the motivations of British specialists ( “Intensive cleaning of the house for 20 minutes can positively affect mental health person") do not help.

All the same, dust and dirt appear, things are scattered, and after work there is no longer any strength to do anything except lie on the side. What to do? Planning Effectively Again? Yes and yes again! And Flylady will help us with this. The American system of organizing life, which literally translates as "jet hostess."

The system was invented by the American Marla Scilly, who was tired of being a prisoner of household chores and giving them all of herself. The purpose of the system is not only to properly organize your time, but also to love yourself, allocating not only precious minutes, but also hours.

This system is suitable for women with different status And marital status- with and without children, married and unmarried, housewives and careerists.

Main ruleFlylady - don't try to put things in order in one day. Firstly, the mess was created for several days, and secondly, no one wants to feel like a driven horse, otherwise what kind of love can we talk about?

Four simple but necessary things

1. Doing a routine. Daily activities - brush your teeth, cook breakfast, wash dishes - these are the things that we cannot do without. But they must be done, because. they discipline and save a lot of time.
2. Cleaning of junk in hot spots: on the desktop, on the bedside table, in the hallway, in the closet.
3. Dividing the room into zones(corridor, bathroom, kitchen, rooms, etc.) and cleaning in these areas in just 15-20 minutes. For example, Monday - 20 minutes in the hallway, Tuesday - 20 minutes in the bathroom, Wednesday - 20 minutes in the kitchen, etc. Set a timer for 20 minutes and clean up. As soon as the alarm rings, we stop working. The rule helps to stop feeling disgusted with cleaning: “After all, I will only spend some 20 minutes!”
4. Hour of blessing at home is the weekly cleaning hour in addition to the 20 daily minutes. Determine the time period yourself.

What is the best place to start?

Start a "Control Journal" and document your exploits in the economic field. The journal will include:

from the plan for the week;
list of small things;
a list of zones, a detailed schedule for their cleaning;
menu for every day;
shopping list, payments;
telephone directory of important numbers (including emergency response telephones).

Start rituals. To pass the day with inspiration, get yourself one or more rituals. rituals the best way release our creative potential so we can think about other things as we go about our daily activities. Examples of rituals: turn on spiritual music in the morning and dream about the sublime or brew the most delicious coffee and remember the pleasant moments of life.
Remove problem areas. Determine for yourself which unpleasant places in the apartment you are most annoyed. Books and toys scattered by children? Crumbs on the table? Dirty sink full of dishes? Spend time every evening in these problem areas. For example, if things thrown by children piss you off, tell them several times about the need to clean up after themselves and warn them: if the request is not fulfilled, you will throw everything into a special box, box, into the corridor, onto the lawn. And do it if you notice that you are not being listened to. By the way, for young children, the term “greedy box” is well suited, which picks up scattered things all week and gives it back only on weekends.

If your problem is the sink, clean it every night to a shine. The secret lies not only in cleanliness, but also in the fact that there are no dirty dishes. Flylady specifically focuses on the sink, because. she is the personification of order in the house and forms other good habits.

Adviceflylady

If the children do not want to perform any specific household chores, do them yourself, and entrust them with something else.

How to restore the breakdown?

1. Hands in the water. Find an opportunity to wash your hands or soak your hands in water for one minute. The water will take away negative energy, which has accumulated in you, and relieve fatigue. Also, this method helps after communicating with an unpleasant person.
2. Bush, tree. Feeling a sharp decline in strength, go to a tree or bush and grab it with your left hand. Imagine how you are through left hand push out all the negativity and mentally say: "Take away all the fatigue from me." The exercise does not take much time - just two to three minutes. If the exercise is performed correctly, you will feel lightness in the whole body, joy or even delight.
3. Match. Light a match, breathe lightly on it and imagine how all your fatigue goes into the flame, taking all the negativity into itself. Then stick the match with the hot end into the ground.
4. Hand massage. Run your nails along the inside and outside of the hands from the fingers to the elbow 12 times. Exercise returns a feeling of cheerfulness, increases muscle strength, improves concentration and the functioning of the endocrine system.
5. Stimulation of a point at the base of the skull. Helps to concentrate attention, improves the conductivity of nerve impulses. Stimulation should be carried out counterclockwise. Repeat the exercise 20 times.
6. Walking barefoot. While walking, kick off your shoes and walk barefoot on the grass or sand for at least a short while. Direct impact on biological active points on the legs improves immunity and gives a powerful burst of energy.

Interview

Svetlana, 39 years old, personal assistant, mother of three children (4 years old, 10, 14 years old)

There was a feeling of guilt that I was little with the children.

I understood the axiom for myself - What matters is not the amount of time spent with children, but the quality. Do not accustom children to modern gadgets, to watching TV. the main problem modern teenagers are computer games and gadget addiction. It is important to make it more interesting for them to be with their parents than VKontakte.

Toddlers can turn on audio books if there is absolutely no time to read, but it is better to read it yourself (the skill of recognizing speech, not images, is very important). The most important thing is live communication with children, the "hundred hugs and kisses a day" rule. Talk to your children, let them talk about their lives. Walk, go to theaters, to exhibitions, to museums. Play what you yourself are interested in, you can realize all your childhood dreams. You can develop a child in the game, I recommend the Peterson L.G. system, you can engage in special benefits from the age of 4 and on. Spend holidays and holidays together, fortunately, now children can be taken
anywhere, even in restaurants there are "children's rooms".

I don't have time to attend school myself, and it doesn't work (although I'm a philologist by education). I am currently hiring tutors. I realized too late that in training it is important not to run. Don't trust modern schools and the child's grades! If the child began to study poorly, began to lag behind in some subject, he needs help, not reproaches. It is necessary with the help of an outside expert (teacher, tutor) to assess the real level of knowledge and try to fill in the gaps, create a coherent system of knowledge in the subject (many children sin with a mosaic of knowledge). Here the principle is the same as in dentistry: prevention is cheaper; the less advanced the problem, the easier and cheaper it is to solve.

There are several of them:

1. Let the iron mechanism work! Everything that can be automated and transferred to smart devices, automate. Do not spare money! Let the washing machine do the washing, the dishwasher washes the dishes, the slow cooker cooks, and the robot vacuum cleaner vacuums.

2. It is better to make all kinds of payments and some purchases online.

3. Food stocks. Buy key foods in bulk once a week and freeze at the same time. Process and distribute meat, chicken into bags, make cutlets, stuffed peppers, dumplings, etc. Prepare and freeze grated carrots and beets. You can freeze some of the products after cooking (broths, cereals, etc.). Cooking will take much less time.

4. Include your husband and older children in household chores. It is important to correctly set the task for them and distribute "areas of responsibility".

Ekaterina, 29 years old, head of an online store of goods for creativity, mother of four children (2 months, 1.5 years, 5, 7 years)

- Tell me, what difficulties did you have in combining?

The food is tasty and healthy. Before, I didn’t know how to cook and was afraid to start - it all seemed so complicated ...

- How did you solve this problem?

Two points. I bought a slow cooker and started making porridge. Almost at the same time, home delivery companies for ingredients and recipes appeared in the city. Following a clear recipe (if necessary, consulting online with the chef), you can prepare a “wow dish”. It taught me how to work with raw foods and helped me overcome my inner fear of the stove. Now I calmly try to cook according to recipes from the Internet, and occasionally I order dinners in such firms - I learn new masterpieces and delight my husband with unusual dishes.

- What does not work in combination?

Maintain order. I just tidied up everything in the kitchen after breakfast, and after half an hour lunch starts, and again a bunch of dishes, garbage, etc.

- Your advice - how to keep up with everything?

If I need to work, it is important to come up with a task for everyone so that no one gets bored and does not sit idle, organize leisure and additional training (and each child has his own circle of desires and needs).

Be sure to practice "family hours" - play board games or read interesting books. Sometimes, we divide into “girls-boys”, sometimes, only the husband railway builds with children, sometimes I do crafts with them. Sometimes I'm with the older ones, he looks after the younger one, or vice versa. After all, if everything is the same, it will become boring. Necessarily independent work - arranging cups and spoons before eating, cleaning dishes after themselves and, of course, maintaining cleanliness in the toy kingdom. This saves my time. Another tip: you need to try to be as calm as possible about all the little things and troubles. A child soiled a shirt worn five minutes ago? No need to swear and be nervous. Just dress him up and smile. The main thing is to be good mood and this will lead to harmony between work and family.

Dmitry, 32 years old, managerIT department, father of a child of 7 years

- Tell me, what difficulties did you have in combining?

When a child was born, at first it was scary to be alone with him without a mother. As for food, we had difficulties when my wife came out of maternity leave. The so-called “turn-by-turn” did not help much.

- How did you solve this problem?

They began to cook at once so much that it was enough for several times to eat. And the dishes began to be washed in dishwasher. So, firstly, you save time that you can spend on something else, and, secondly, there is no swearing about who will do it.

- What does not work in combination?

Until everything works out.

- Your advice - how to keep up with everything?

Very important point is to have your own getaway from everything! For example, trips to Gym with a pool or any other activity that you like is relevant for both men and women. If this is not the case, then dissatisfaction with everything will grow and there will be no feeling that everything is fine. And there is no need to be afraid to leave dad with a child. Mom needs to rest too.

Yana, 27 years old, soldier, mother of a 7-year-old child

- Tell me, what difficulties did you have in combining?

While they lived with the child in their hometown, grandmothers helped. After moving to the place of service, there was a catastrophic lack of time.

- How did you solve this problem?

The son had to join in the stormy activity. He shifted some of the everyday moments on his shoulders, because. I am raising a child alone. For example, I cook in the evening, and he does the cleaning or reads. I usually cook something quick, light and vegetable.

- What does not work in combination?

I would like to spend more time with him. We share hobbies with each other: my son likes the climbing wall, which I visit with him, and he goes to the airfield with me for the weekend, taking a break from the city. I show him my interests. When he jumped with a parachute, he said: “I understand, mom, why you are jumping. Because the wind and freedom, right? We try to live interesting.

- Your advice - how to keep up with everything?

The basis of everything is mutual understanding. It is important that family members, regardless of age, support each other.

Maria, 30 years old, civil servant, mother of two children (4 years old, 8 years old)

- What difficulties did you have in combining?

On this moment my eldest son already goes to school, after work until late I taught him lessons, there was no time for cooking.

- How did you solve this problem?

Now the son is starting to do homework with his dad or grandma, and I connect when I return from work. We do lessons in the kitchen to combine them with cooking. My husband cooks himself from time to time, he even likes it. I tell my female colleagues about this at work, they are delighted with such a husband. I convey their words to him, he is very happy and continues to amaze me with his culinary exploits.

- What does not work in combination?

There is almost no time for youngest daughter, because we do lessons with the elder until bedtime. But she is very independent, entertains herself, reaches out for the elder, acquires the necessary skills in the process of observing him. learning activities and imitate him.

- Your advice - how to keep up with everything?

Be sure to connect dad to the care of the child. Do not stay at work after the end of working hours, trying to have time to finish all the things.

Finally, I would like to say that the proverb about chasing two hares regarding our topic is incorrect. Don't give up your family for your career or your career for your family. Strive for harmony. A person needs a lot to be happy. And if even one part is missing, he will feel miserable. Strive to ensure that the family is an incentive for work, and work is an incentive for the family.

It turns out that all women are divided into three types: wild, domestic and domesticated. What does it mean? And everything is quite simple. For wild women, a career always comes first, for domestic women, respectively, the family. But for domesticated women, both are equally important. Everything is clear with the first two, but how can women be domesticated, how can they learn to combine such difficult things - a career and a family?

To begin with, all domesticated women still need to decide what is a priority. Just imagine yourself in different situations: with a career, but without a family and with a family, but without a career. What even outweighs it a little? At the same time, it is important to be guided only by your feelings, without listening to the advice of people close to you.

If your husband is against you making a career, and you cannot agree with this state of affairs, then think about the fact that your family may burst at the seams. Are you ready to take the risk of losing your family? And this is much more serious than losing a job. On the other hand, why do you need a husband who is not only unable to support you in your endeavors, but is not even able to understand how important your realization is to you.

So the first important detail in order for a career not to interfere with the family, and the family for work, is the support of loved ones. They should not just put up with your desire to fulfill yourself, but should respect this decision of yours, if not help, but at least not interfere with you.

The second rule is the following: solve all work matters in work time, and family - after work. You don’t need to hang out on the phone for hours at work, calling all the aunts and cousins with cousins, and at home, when a hungry husband and child are waiting for you for dinner, call Vasil Vasilyich or Marya Petrovna to urgently resolve some work issues.

If your work takes too much time, then talk to your loved ones. Perhaps they will appreciate such a sacrifice on your part if you outline to them in all colors the possible prospects that await you in the future. For example, a high salary will allow you to buy a huge Vacation home with a pool, go on vacation to an expensive resort, and so on.

Do not forget about the opportunity to work from home: in a number of professions, if you are a real specialist, organizing work from home will not be a problem for you. You will need an office, but if the child is still small, you will probably need him to be always in sight, therefore, it may be worth paying attention to coordinating the redevelopment of the apartment and slightly widening the door from the office, making two adjacent spaces, in the second of which the child could play under your watchful supervision from the first, or make two from one large room, where the second will be a well-visible play area, but from which the child still does not get to your buttons, scissors, documents and other things.

If you have only one day off a week, then you will need to spend it on communicating with your family. No, I do not urge you to forget about cleaning at all, because your high salary allows you to hire a cleaning lady. Otherwise, why are you so stressed out? For what you love? Okay, this is also quite possible. IN last resort, small household chores can be done by everyone together: throw things in washing machine, dishes in the dishwasher, and then put it all together in their places. It will turn out faster, besides, during this lesson you will be able to discuss the latest news.

Don't worry about your kids feeling left out. At proper organization time, you will be able to devote enough time to your loved ones, and your children will become independent before their peers, having learned to cope on their own with the problems that have arisen.

“I am a careerist and at the same time loving wife and mother. career and family life it is quite possible to combine, ”Marina notes, financial director large Moscow design institute. After graduating from high school, she joined the firm as an ordinary accountant, then became deputy chief accountant. A few years ago she headed the accounting department, and recently was offered to become a financial director.

Marina's recipe for success is simple: “they complement each other perfectly. At work, I have enough opportunities to exercise my authority and feel like a “big boss”. Therefore, at home I am gentle and caring.

“Marina’s happiness is that she got married in student years. If she decided to start a family, reaching professional heights and financial well-being, it would be difficult to find a suitable satellite, - believes psychologist, owner marriage agency Janina Brzheskaya. - Business women seek to find a person comparable in intellectual level and financial situation. Ideal partner would become an accomplished businessman. But such men, as a rule, are afraid of business women.

Nurse instead of financial analyst

“My first financial analyst in a bank. Later, she headed the department for working with VIP clients, the post of vice president loomed before her ... ”, says Semyon, sales manager. “At first, I admired her intelligence and talent. But later I became annoyed that she was not at home. She did not burden herself with cleaning the apartment, cooking.”

After the divorce, Semyon firmly decided that he would never marry a careerist. His new wife Veronica is a nurse at the hospital. “She earns very little. But I'm even happy with this. I like to feel like a breadwinner and earner,” says Semyon proudly.

Where to find a homeowner?

“Russian society, despite the active promotion of feminist ideas, continues to be largely conservative and patriarchal,” our expert believes. There is a huge number of women who are happy to create a rear for successful man... But in gentlemen, ready for the role of "second plan" next to successful woman, there is a clear disadvantage.

“Businesswomen are attracted to gigolos who just sit on their necks, use their money without giving anything in return,” says Janina Brzheskaya.

The art of being weak

Is the situation really hopeless and a woman needs to give up her career for the sake of it? Of course no.

Anyone who seeks to combine career advancement and family happiness, our expert gives three tips. Firstly, it is necessary to discuss this issue with the future chosen one before marriage. Is he ready to support his “soul mate”? Are you willing to take on some of the household chores? Secondly, business women it is worth mastering the art of being weak and not demonstrating superiority over the stronger sex! Thirdly, even the busiest women should at least occasionally devote time to household chores, caring for loved ones.

Today I decided to touch on a rather difficult topic: work and family. How to combine these 2 spheres of human life so that they do not interfere with each other? It must be admitted that many people fail to do it the way they would like, which is why some area suffers. And usually it is, unfortunately, a family. How to combine work and family: my opinion on this issue you will find out by reading this article.

Our life is arranged in such a way that almost everything in it depends on money. That is, in order to live, people must earn money. This can be done, but most people, out of conviction, out of habit, or for some other reason, choose the option of traditional work for someone. , including the need to pack, get to and from work, takes up most of the majority of their waking time. In addition, at work, people get very tired both physically and mentally, so when they come home, they already “do not want anything”. Agree, this can be heard quite often.

Naturally, family relationships suffer from such a situation: spouses do not devote much time to each other and children. They also have to perform certain work around the house, for which there is no strength left (as a rule, women suffer from this), so people are often chronically tired, “extinct”, having no joys in life, “mired in everyday life and work”. Hence a lot of problems in relationships in the family and even in health. Of course, all this is very sad, and to admit similar situation by no means is it possible. How to do it? How to balance work and family?

First and foremost: you need to completely distinguish between these concepts! That is, at work, do only work and think only about work, but at home, in the family, there should be no more thoughts and deeds: you must completely devote yourself to yourself and your loved ones.

How often does it happen? At work, a person solves some non-working issues: communicates on the phone and in social networks, travels somewhere personal affairs, communicates with colleagues, drinks coffee, goes for smoke breaks, etc. Naturally, he does not have time to do everything that he is supposed to. Therefore, when he comes home from work, he continues to remain with working thoughts. All evening he thinks about how to solve work issues, falls asleep and wakes up with work in his head. Many even take work home, continuing to do what they did not have time at the workplace.

With this approach, it is simply impossible to maintain normal relationships in the family, so you need to get rid of it right away. Giving yourself to work to the detriment of family relationships is unacceptable, because the family is more important. You can change jobs many times, and often you even need to change your family - on the contrary.

If you do not have time to complete your work during working hours, the problem is most likely not that you have little time, but that you do not plan your day, you cannot get together and work efficiently. I recommend reading the following articles on this topic:

If your work really takes too much of your time (you have to stay late all the time, work overtime, go on business trips, etc.), just answer yourself the question: what is more important for you - this job or your family? The “both” option is not suitable if one interferes with the other. For most people, I'm sure the answer is "family." Therefore, if work interferes with the family and life in general, you should think about changing it.

This is especially true for women, since they usually bear most of the household chores. It turns out that if a woman works full time, and then she also does some housework, for relationships with her husband and children, as well as for herself, she no longer has either strength or time left. And it shouldn't be. In this case, a woman needs to choose a part-time job, either.

Many people prioritize work when considering “work and family” because they believe that if they stop working or work less, they will not have enough money. Actually, this is not necessarily the case. To make good money, again, you need to work not for a long time, but effectively. You need to be able to profitably sell your labor and time, you need not to focus only on traditional work, but to consider and alternative sources earnings, which can often be more profitable and require less time.

What else is important ... If both spouses still have equal employment at work, then they should also deal with domestic issues equally. Then they will have the same amount of time for each other, for children, relatives, for some personal matters - it will be more correct.

It's all about work, now about the family. In order for work and family to be in balance, the family needs to devote their time to the same full extent as you devote it to work. That is, when you come home from work, you do not need to be distracted by something extraneous (Internet, social media, TV, etc.) - try to devote all 100% or close to this amount of non-working time to your family, namely communication.

You can and should communicate with other family members whenever you have the opportunity to do so. For example, while doing some housework, while eating, when you go somewhere together or drive.

It often happens, for example, that spouses watch before going to bed, especially terribly when they are some kind of news programs or political shows that carry solid negativity. Or they sit, buried in their mobile gadgets. It is much better to devote this time to a walk on fresh air and communication, or at least communication at home. In the same way, when you, for example, are driving together in a car, you do not need to listen to music: use this time allocated to you to chat.

At least 1 hour on a working day must be devoted to direct communication with your soul mate on topics that absolutely do not affect the work of both spouses.

Further, speaking about how to combine work and family, you need to remember that there are days off. It is very desirable to select a job in such a way that the spouses have the same. And these weekends should be used to the maximum for joint relaxation and communication.

For example, you can go to nature, make some other short trip for 1 day, attend cultural events, go to the theater or cinema, just walk and chat, etc. depending on interests.

The same goes for vacations. Vacations should also be taken so that they coincide, and completely devote them to joint rest. I give a couple of links to articles that will tell you how you can have a good and inexpensive rest, have fun:

Let's sum up all of the above.

To properly combine family and work, you need:

Clearly separate these concepts and not confuse one with the other.
Give the highest priority to family relationships.
Focus on work during working hours and family during non-working hours.

Theoretically - nothing complicated. Practically, in order to realize these three simple principles, you need to try, you may have to change your habits developed over the years. However, if you want work and family to be in perfect harmony in your life, there is no other way. And it's better to think about it right away, before it's too late.

I wish that in your life work and family do not interfere with each other, but harmoniously complement, making your life successful, happy and eventful. See you at!