Children's whims - how to respond correctly? Whims in young children: how to respond to tears and children's tantrums

Children's whims are the messages of a child. Messages of a small personality to the people around her, to the world.

Why are children naughty?

Childhood moodiness can be chronic or just beginning somatic disease. If the child is in physical pain, if he is stuffy, hot, if he is sick or chills, he may not be able to put it into words, but will demonstrate his discomfort in the form of changes in behavior
The most common types of violations in the upbringing of preschoolers are hyperprotective (permissive) and hypoprotective (prohibitive). Particularly disastrous for children's balance is the combination of both violations (for example, parents bring up in severity, and grandmother allows absolutely everything)
Sometimes the whims of a child are a symptom of intra-family disharmony.

just that soul energy, which by right should have belonged to him, is spent by adults on sorting out relations between themselves or, conversely, on maintaining "a good mine in a bad game."

What should parents do?

Clearly tell the child exactly how you understood him and what you are going to do about it
Teach your child to express his feelings with words, not whims. For this there is one the only way- Parents themselves should talk about their feelings in the presence of the child
For the prevention of children's whims and the fight against already developed emotional instability great importance has a single educational position of all family members involved in child care

Children's tantrums

Children between the ages of one and a half to four often throw real tantrums. They throw things, throw themselves on the floor, squeal, swing their arms and legs, and sometimes even choke. Tantrums can occur different reasons. Very often this happens when someone refuses to fulfill the desire of the child or makes the baby do something that he does not like. Often the cause of a breakdown is also fatigue, nervous overexcitation, or a feeling of hunger. Short whims do children more good than harm. They allow babies to get rid of nervous tension, relieve stress, give vent to negative emotions. Frequent tantrums negatively affect the emerging character of the child - he becomes overly aggressive, selfish, intolerant of people. Also, they do unbearable life parents.

Children do not know how to control their emotions because they cannot give precise definition to their experiences. If the baby is aware of what exactly he is experiencing in this moment(anger, rage, irritation, disappointment, etc.), it will be much easier for you to calm him down. Express your child's feelings in words such as "You must have been craving ice cream and now you're angry because you didn't get it." After that, explain to him that expressing his emotions in an open form is not always acceptable: "I understand you, but this does not mean that you can squeal and stomp your feet in the street." And be sure to warn the baby about the consequences that it is fraught with. bad behavior.

An effective way to stop a tantrum is a five-minute timeout. Have your child sit on a chair against a wall and make sure that there is nothing interesting in the child's field of vision. And be sure to remove all dangerous items. Do not talk to the child and try not to pay attention to his cries. As the rich experience of parents and educators who have successfully practiced this method, after about five minutes the children calm down. After this happens, explain to the baby that he behaved very ugly and that this should not be done in the future. Offer the child the option of behavior that seems more correct to you.

Another way to calm a screaming child is to join him. Start "crying" with the baby and gradually change the tone, moving from screaming and roaring to whimpering and sniffling. The effect of such "choral singing" is based on the tendency of children to imitate. Unconsciously imitating you, the baby will calm down.

Many babies have a bad habit of banging their heads against the wall or floor in an attempt to get adults to fulfill their desire in this way. This behavior is most often pure water pretense and provocation, and therefore you should not pay attention to it. Even at the very small child the instinct of self-preservation is sufficiently developed, so you should not be afraid that the baby will harm himself with such actions. The best way to wean the child from this habit - to ignore his antics.

After the tantrum is over, let the child feel how upset you are by his behavior. Let the baby realize that your patience has limits. And at the same time, he must understand how glad you are that in the end he still coped with his emotions.

childish disobedience

What to do if the child does not obey?

To answer this question, you need to determine the reasons for his disobedience. Why is he behaving this way? Why does he make us parents feel very uncomfortable?

How to help a naughty child (and yourself)?

The most common answer to the question is not to react in the usual, stereotyped way, as a vicious circle is formed. The more an adult is dissatisfied, the more baby is convinced: his efforts have reached the goal - and resumes them with new energy.

Variants of constructive behavior of an adult in different situations disobedience:

If there is a struggle for attention, you need to give the child this positive attention. come up with some joint classes- games, walks
If the source of conflicts is the struggle for self-affirmation, then, on the contrary, one should reduce one's involvement in the affairs of the child. It is very important for him to accumulate experience of his own decisions and even failures. Most of all, it will help to get rid of unnecessary pressure and dictatorship by understanding that the stubbornness and self-will of a child is just a form of prayer that irritates you: “Let me live with my mind.”
When you feel hurt, you need to ask yourself: what made the child hurt you? What is his own pain? How did you offend or constantly offend him? Having understood the reason, it is necessary, of course, to try to correct it.

As in any other matter, you should not expect an instant improvement in behavior from a child. In addition, it is important to know that the first time you try to change something, the child may reinforce his bad behavior! Perhaps he will not immediately believe in the sincerity of your intentions and will test you.

I'll try to formulate myself. A caprice is an attempt by a child to express his condition through a change in behavior.

Children's whims: what are they?

This may be a very real request, right now interpreted as a whim. I often come across this: for example, a daughter can always choose which T-shirt to wear, and her husband, who dressed the child for the first time after a long break, interpreted her attempts to refuse the proposed T-shirt as “whims”. Obviously they are not.

And what else are whims? Often an imaginary whim is a momentary irritation of the mother. So I know that my daughter is now the age of “I myself”, and usually she dresses herself, puts on her shoes, turns off the lights and the TV before going to bed ... But sometimes I want to put her on or put her down as soon as possible - and I myself rush to turn off the light, pull on her sweater . And the child is perplexed and offended. No thanks to mom for help - think what! And she doesn't need help. She may be trying to claim it herself. The usual order of things is violated by the mother, and the child is incomprehensible and even scary: how, why? Mom doesn't believe that I can? Angry? Forgot? Everything went wrong, and kids often ask: “Take it off, I’ll put it on myself.”

It seems to me that this is not a whim - this is an attempt to return everything to its place. How to rewind the tape and start again. It’s good if you have enough endurance to get together and let the baby do the usual things on his own. And if not? So he will be “in confusion” for a long time: both uncomfortable and insulting ...

One of the most “slippery” places is the store. So mom and baby went to the store. Mom walks, looks, puts what she likes in the cart. And the child will ask for something and will often hear: “No!”. And why? It is obvious to mom that sweets are harmful, that there is little money, that it is hard to carry, and in general “You can’t buy everything in a row!”. And the child sees only what he sees: the mother takes everything, but nothing is allowed for him. And “whims”, obstinacy, cries and resentment for the whole world begin.

And still it is necessary, in my opinion, to allocate in a separate category whims from fatigue. That is, when you see that the child is tired, his regimen has gone astray or he is sick. Here, a whim is not even a desire to insist on one's own, but simply a splash of negativity: the baby feels bad, and he is looking for a situation that would justify his condition. That is, he feels bad and wants to cry, and he himself “runs into” a ban or a shout, so that later he can justifiably shout out. Such screams of a baby are a test for mother's nerves, not very good experience for a child and just an unpleasant incident in a relationship.

I try to extinguish my daughter's impulses at the beginning. Immediately, as soon as she starts to "run into", I offer her to "have pity" - I take her in my arms, caress, quietly tell, as I understand what she wants, but she is so tired, that's why she wants to cry, and that she needs to rest a little , and then we will immediately do what she wants, and la-la-la ... The monologue usually ends with a question, and any one, to “switch” and set to rest: “Would you like to bring a bottle?”, “Will you lie down with me or in bed?" During the monologue, the child may cry, but this is not an angry hysterical roar, but a quiet whimper.

So we counted:

whims are a common request, in this case interpreted as a whim;
whims - behavior provoked by an initially unusual reaction or action by something
an irritated mother in a normal situation;
whims are the result of a child’s misunderstanding of the “rules of the game”;
whims are the result of overwork.

Whims: assessing the situation

To assess what is the cause and the beginning of a whim, you need a lot of attention, patience and a good memory.
Attention - to keep track of what the child "short": often one refusal later causes a lot of whims that are already difficult to remove.

Memory - to remember if the child had reason to be mistaken about your reaction today. For example, yesterday there were guests, on the occasion of which the child ate not one legitimate candy a day, but all three. And today he begins to act up: he wants more candy, and his mother is angry, because you can only have one - and the baby knows about it! Yes, he knows. But he also knows that yesterday it was possible to have three. But the child does not have the knowledge and experience to compare information and figure out the exclusivity of yesterday's case. And it turns out that the baby demands “legitimate”, and his mother refuses him “legally”. So how do you come to an agreement?

And of course, you need a lot of patience - to deal with whims without breaking down on the child. Depending on the reasons for the whim, you can use different tricks to avoid conflict situation with baby. Here are some of our examples of conflict resolution when my daughter was 1-3 years old.

Walk

I say that on the way back we will go to the store, we need to buy bread and milk (for example), then we will go home, eat and feed grandfather. Walked - it's time to go home. “I don’t want to” - “Well, don’t go home (since I agreed not to go home, the child usually doesn’t throw a tantrum anymore).

Let’s go to the store for now, otherwise how are we going to feed grandfather without bread?” We got to the store. While I'm buying bread, the baby is stuck to the gum candy display case. “Mom, I want this one!!!” - “Okay (I agree in principle, there is no more hysteria, we are discussing only the details), quickly decide which one, only one. And you will eat only at home, we will have lunch - and then you will eat. Agreed.

In parallel, you can offer the baby to choose a cottage cheese-yogurt-cheese. As a result, the happy owner of the candy and the curd goes home (at first she did not want to go home, but now she has a mission - she brings home her curd and candy). Further, to be honest, my daughter, for example, bought sweets in 80% of cases does not eat. Moreover, everything is in the public domain. This is possible, this is her candy - and interest is lost.

The child is naughty in the store

now the child often really likes expensive toys which I didn't plan to buy. (It should be noted that in general, if we go to the store with our daughter, then at least we buy an elastic band for hair or a notebook “for the soul”, plus early childhood there is an unspoken rule - buy no more than one toy-pleasure at a time). So, means against tantrums.

I sit down next to each other, we watch what we like together, we understand that this is something very good ... Further - that it is very expensive, we don’t have so much money with us ... “I can imagine how you want it, but it’s very expensive, we can't buy it right now. If you really want this, we can buy you this for your birthday or New Year. Remind me at home, okay?” 99% will forget. If she remembers, then “this” is the dream of her life.

"Yes, indeed, very good toy! But let's go through the whole store, maybe there is something better! There are many chances that the next one you like will be a couple of orders of magnitude cheaper. If it didn’t work out, see paragraph 1.

If we are talking about something at least relatively “masculine”: an electric car, a snow scooter, skis, a bicycle, car models, etc.: “You know, it’s better to ask your dad, he knows everything about it and will be able to choose the best! »

By the way, the “one-buy rule” is generally very useful. As I said, my daughter knows from early childhood that a maximum of one "pleasantness" is bought for one walk. If we like something in the store, we put it in the cart. If after three counters they saw something better, we lay out the previous failed purchase and take a new one ... As a result, several toys can be considered and rejected on the way to the checkout. And the child is happy - he touched everything, looked, “tried on himself” and chose what he really wants, and mom - no screaming tantrums, the baby himself lays out what was previously chosen. By the way, wisely choosing the path around the store and admiring a little, it is quite possible to stop the choice on something necessary and budgetary.

The child does not want to sleep

First, it is worth reminding the baby in advance that it is time for bed soon. We have it somehow sounds like this: “Ul, now finish your meal, some water will pour into the bath, and you will go for a swim, because you need to sleep soon!”; “Ulyana, there the water almost got into the bath, did you choose toys for bathing?”; we leave the bathroom: “It’s time, it’s time, otherwise we won’t have time to read!” In bed: "Come on, put on your pajamas, otherwise you'll freeze!", Then they read in bed and: "That's it, it's time to sleep, turn off the light." Here we have a hitch - she does not want to sleep. Without objecting in fact, I remind you that tomorrow it’s early in the kindergarten and - “Will you turn off the light yourself or do I turn it off?”. Usually a child with a cry of "Yaaaaaa!!!" turns off the light - and all that remains is to go to bed: redeemed, in pajamas, after a fairy tale and in the dark.

The child is naughty: preventive measures

In general, with any beginning “whim”, I try to present the situation from the point of view of the child: how she sees it, what caused the “whim” - and remember myself in childhood. It seems to me that the readiness of the mother to understand the desire of the child and sympathize with his experiences is already half the battle on the way to curbing the beginning whim. It’s still good not to refuse, but to immediately stipulate the option when the desired will be possible.

So, I will try to highlight the "rules" to avoid whims.

Be consistent. If yesterday it was possible, why not today?

To be able to clearly explain, and not on time, but preferably to a whim. Let's talk about changing circumstances. For example, after a rain, you can immediately go for a walk and say how wet it is everywhere and what a wet swing, which is better not to sit on - otherwise you will immediately have to run home to change clothes.

In general, it is good to pronounce your plans and routine: the fewer surprises, the calmer the child.

To make allowances for a tired child, but not in terms of “allowing everything”, and not to educate and regret.

Use as few prohibitions as possible, especially categorical ones. You can say: “Don’t touch the washing machine!”, Or you can: “Are you interested in washing machine? Let's download it together and I'll show you how to turn it on.

Do you know that children should not turn it on alone? The car can break down, then mom and dad will be very upset, and we will never be able to wash anything ... ”The daughter, making sure that she can touch the car if her mother is nearby, instantly learned to put her things in the washer and call me to turn it on.

It is good to think before saying “it is impossible” - is it really and why it is “impossible” and under what condition it is “possible”.

If possible, do not promise the child anything that could not be fulfilled. It is easier to use the wording “I will try”, “I will try”.

Before finally getting angry, remember yourself. How many times have you purchased, in addition to basic purchases, also “that cute little thing” or “this is just what I want”? How many times did you not finish things in the evening - left for the morning or asked for help? In general, remembering your behavior, you often realize that there is nothing to scold the baby for.

Of course, this is not a universal textbook - these are just my observations. I just hope that my thoughts can help at least one mother and baby - and this already means that I did not write all this in vain. All children are different, but it seems to me that if one and the same principle of education is followed from birth, one can somewhat smooth out the character traits and behavior of the child. Although, of course, many mothers will now say that I was just lucky with the child. They are probably right. I really got lucky.

Olga Ivashkevich
Article "What are children's whims"

WHAT SUCH CHILD WHIM?

How to understand your child?, “How to learn to be more tolerant of his pranks and whims? - many parents ask these questions to teachers and psychologists. Scientists are trying not only to “invest knowledge, skills, skills in the personality of the child, but to study it holistically, with all individual characteristics, unique manifestations.

Consider the definition of the concept « children's whims» in various psychological and pedagogical sources.

The whims of children(English child caprices) - forms of behavior expressed in opposition and resistance to the requirements, advice, instructions of adults, in disobedience (Meshcheryakov B., Zinchenko V. Big psychological dictionary).

Meshcheryakov B. and Zinchenko V. note that “in the early and preschool age manifestation childish whim usually accompanied by crying, screaming, motor excitement and other affective symptoms. Wherein children's whims may have the character of random, episodic manifestations. They most often arise as a result of illness, fatigue, overexcitation, overload with impressions. Often, however, whims turn into a habitual form of behavior, with the help of which a spoiled child achieves the fulfillment of his desires. The main reason for such whims- Incorrect organization of the child's relationship with adults.

whims children can also arise as a reaction to the disparity in the demands placed on the child, to excessive demands on the part of adults. Sometimes it is based on acute and deep feelings associated with the dissatisfaction of the child's needs for love for him, attention, respect, independence. Sometimes they arise as a kind of protest and reaction of the child to emotional trauma.

Caprice- this is a negative reaction and a means to attract universal attention or the attention of a person necessary for a child. capricious behavior is usually inherent in children with an unstable psyche and painful pride, lack of initiative, unable to assert themselves in any other way (Volkov B., Volkova N. Child psychology: from birth to school).

Natalya Bering reviews whims like“demonstrative actions, devoid of a clear justification and visible benefit, which are used weak child, as a certain form of self-defense ”(Bering N. I want - I don’t want! I will - I won’t! Work with childish whims).

Caprice It is expressed in the special behavior of the child, which is characterized by unreasonable opposition to adults, refusal to follow their advice, requests or demands, the desire to achieve the fulfillment of his desire without fail. External manifestations typical children's whims usually are crying and excessive arousal, taking in extreme cases hysterical forms.

Hysteria is a nervous, excited state, reaching the loss of self-control and self-control, expressed in unmotivated morbid kind deeds, in extremely abrupt change sentiments (Zakharov A.I. How to prevent deviations in the behavior of a child).

whims Caprice whims, are usually the physical overwork of children, their inherent instability nervous system, excessive emotional excitability. Often whims whims also"may indicate frustration of the child's needs for love, attention, or emotional trauma" (Psychological Dictionary).

In the dictionary of pedagogical terms " whims- these are actions of children devoid of reasonable and understandable grounds, aimed primarily at resisting the requirements, advice or wishes of elders and expressing the child’s desire to achieve fulfillment own desires. Usually, whims have a negative emotional expression (scream or cry) and are accompanied by motor excitation . Capricious behavior, the authors note, when a child without visible reasons and an obvious reason for crying, eating poorly, not wanting to fall asleep, may be caused by untimely, incomplete or poor-quality satisfaction of certain of his needs. Such emotional reactions of the child act as a kind of signals to others about trouble, since the baby does not yet know another way to communicate his problems or needs. The cause of crying may be malaise or exacerbation chronic disease. Parents do not always adequately assess and accurately understand the condition of their baby and may treat it restless behavior, how to whim. In order to prevent the wrong attitude to parents and, especially, mothers, it is important to establish a strong relationship with the child. emotional contact develop the ability to quickly and accurately respond to all the needs of the baby. This ability is fully developed when parents give the child maximum attention from the moment of his birth, and allows adults to optimally plan and effectively adjust the daily routine of the baby for complete and comprehensive satisfaction. children's needs. If the child only draws the attention of parents to his problems with screams and tears, then such a forced reaction can be fixed and create the basis of real whims.

capricious Behavior in preschoolers and younger schoolchildren is largely facilitated by an unstable nervous system, which is characterized by a predominance of excitation over inhibition, and is characterized by high emotional excitability and sensitivity. Under these conditions" whims often arise as a result of fatigue, malaise, overexcitation, an excess of impressions and experiences. (Basova S. V., Korneeva I. G. Dictionary of pedagogical terms).

whims may have the character of a random and short-term action, but with certain conditions may become habitual behavior. Such the position is established when the child subconsciously chooses precisely this form and method to achieve his desire or intention. whims are the result of an incorrect relationship between adults and the child. Usually caprice reflects the reaction of the child, who knows and understands that in this way he will be able to achieve the fulfillment of his intention or desire, that others will give in, even if at first refusal follows. Thus, the main way to prevent whims- rational organization of relations in the family, providing sufficient, but not excessive attention to the needs and desires of the child. Inconsistent Adult Behavior unacceptable: Giving in after initial rejection builds the child's habit of getting his way. capricious behavior. When it becomes obvious that the child's requirements are beyond reasonable limits, the optimal and correct reaction parents - quiet ignoring. Convinced of the indispensable futility whim, the child is unlikely to be persistent in their repetition.

Quite often whims are frankly demonstrative in nature and express the desire of the child to attract the attention of others. This usually happens when insufficient meeting the child's basic needs for love, attention, recognition and support. There is some exacerbation and acceleration whims during age crises which is associated with the growth of self-awareness and the desire for independence. The mistake of parents during this period will be to underestimate the increased capabilities of the child and preserve the usual forms and methods of relationships. This mistake can make negative emotional reactions linger. Of course, certain claims of the child may be objectively exaggerated. In this case, if there is no immediate threat to life and health, the so-called "method of natural consequences" is effective, when the child is given the opportunity to experience the results of his whims".

Caprice- this is the behavior of children, expressed in the desire to do or do something contrary to the attitudes of adults. Favorable conditions conducive to the emergence whims, are uneven or physical overwork, weakness of the mental system, high emotional excitability (Short psychological dictionary).

At the core whim there is a conflict contradiction between the requirements, inclinations and desires of the child and the possibilities that exist in reality. Caprice reflects the child's unwillingness to accept reality and his negative attitude towards it, which in itself is a consequence of an unsuccessful or not yet formed adaptation to the requirements and attitudes of reality.

Lugovskaya A. and Shevnina O. write in their book “ Children's whim represents the most often violently expressed persistence of the child, seeking the fulfillment of his intentions or desires. He does not accept arguments, explanations and objections, he is ready to use any means of expressing displeasure and indignation to achieve his goal.

Children's whims- these are emotional expressions of anger and even anger, when a child screams or cries loudly, throws things or stamps his feet, he is ready and can bite, scratch and is able to hurt others or himself. Such scenes can have varying degrees of intensity and duration. (Lugovskaya A., Shevnina O. Feast of Disobedience. What such childish whims and how to deal with them.

The more sensitive the child perceives refusal or prohibition, the greater his tendency to whims. If the child succeeded in achieving what he wanted with the help of whim, he will use this method more often and more willingly (Korneeva E.N. Children's whims) .

The child's own desires are main source his activity. A hungry baby informs others with loud crying about the need to satisfy his needs. The child grows and develops, needs become more complex, new ones are formed, among them there are those that others do not find it necessary to satisfy. But if simple, but effective method to get wish whims already mastered, then several effective repetitions lead to fixing capricious behavior.

formed capricious behavior is characterized by the constant readiness and predisposition of the child to demonstrate certain external signs And action: if the baby shows stubbornness as a response to some requirement of adults, then capricious the child is ready to harass the parents for any reason. The stubborn seeks independence, capricious - attention to yourself. The stubbornness of a child is most often a natural result of excessive rigor and exactingness of upbringing, whims, on the contrary, are the result of the exorbitant compliance of his adults (Khorsand D.V. Who is the boss in the house).

Therefore, it can be concluded that the nature children's whims based on the excessive compliance of educators. More often caprice- this is a predictable reaction of a child who is used to the unconditional fulfillment of any of his whims. No wonder that whims are more typical for a child who is alone in the family, and all the attention of parents is concentrated on him, often excessive. The most reliable way to prevent and overcome children's whims- the formation in the family of such relations when the wishes of the child are given enough attention, but not every requirement is met. To overcome capricious trends simple and effective tool is a calm perception and ignoring of the emotional outbursts of the child; if possible, you should distract the child from the source of nervous excitement, try to switch and draw his attention to some other calm and exciting activity.

In this confrontation, there are always two main participants - an adult child, of which the latter categorically refuses to obey any requirements of the first, and the adult, with the same emotional excitement and just as categorically and resolutely, strives to achieve his own. A way out of the conflict is possible only with mutual desire, the achievement of which is the task of an adult who is incomparably more experienced, knowledgeable, prepared, obliged to understand his child and help him.

Many problems children's period due to age characteristics developmental process, and many behavioral characteristics of the child are explicable from this point of view, are natural and gradually disappear over the years.

At the age of 1 to 3-5 years, the character of the child undergoes a serious restructuring, during which he receives new ideas and new experience, understanding and ability to experience emotional states. At this time, the first manifestations usually begin. moodiness.

A small child often cries. This crying, as a clear signal of a reflex property, occurs in infants due to hunger or a feeling of thirst, fatigue and a desire to fall asleep, unpleasant temperature sensations, etc. The child grows, but his crying still signals to others about any unpleasant and undesirable sensation , evocative irritation and excitement. A diverse functional orientation of crying, which can express whim or tantrum, protest or request, demand or complaint, represent a crying signal or crying discharge, forms a complex mental structure, acts as a kind of means of communication with others (Lugovskaya A. Why is the baby crying).

This important period intensive and rich emotional development of children. According to the established tradition, the child’s achievements in the sensorimotor sphere and the formation of initial speech skills are attributed to this time, at this stage the baby continues to master and improve individual characteristics affective organization of their relationships with the outside world.

First whims it is no coincidence that they manifest themselves in very young children, under the age of 3 years, when the child's physical activity, independence and a certain perseverance in the realization of their desires are manifested. During this period, a small person is already able to have his own opinion, which is by no means always similar to the opinion of his parents, which may encourage the baby to look for ways to assert his position. The desire to achieve the fulfillment of one's desire can cause whims, and stubbornness during this period is the first kind of attempt at self-assertion (Baenskaya E. Help in raising children with special emotional development).

Thus, in psychology and pedagogy whims children is an emotionally expressed desire of children, most often preschool or younger school age, to do something contrary to the instructions or advice of adults. Caprice often accompanied by tears or screaming. Conditions conducive to the emergence whims, usually are the physical overwork of children, their inherent instability of the nervous system, excessive emotional excitability.

Often whims provoke excessive compliance of adults, conflicting or incomprehensible requirements, unreasonably strict influence. whims testify to the frustration of the child's needs for love, attention and support.

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If you have a "little capricious" growing, here are a few rules for dealing with whims

The child, with his whims, brings you to the handle. As soon as the baby starts acting up, you cannot calm him down. When you raise your voice at your child or even spank you, you later start to regret. And you don't know what to do in this situation.

Children's whims - is it the norm?

Whims and hysterics are a manifestation of childhood. It’s just that some children are naughty more often, while others less often. This is very annoying for many parents, and some are patient and try not to pay attention. Believe me, it is difficult to meet an "angel" who has never thrown tantrums.

Why is the baby naughty?

A whim is a baby's behavior that is beyond our patience.

However, this does not mean that whims are a deviation from the norm. You may consider this behavior not normal, inadequate, but in essence there is nothing unusual in this. Of course, it happens that in fact the behavior of the child is abnormal, but more often parental patience goes beyond the norm.

Perhaps in your family, the behavior of the baby and your patience are normal, but your requirements for the baby are a little overstated. For some reason, the kid does not want or cannot fulfill them. Then the cycle begins, in which your disappointment is mixed, because the baby could not fulfill your requirements and defensive reaction child in the form of whims. In order for there to be mutual understanding between you in the future, you should not get angry and show anger, no matter how the baby makes you angry.

Think, perhaps you are making too high demands on the baby, which he is not able to fulfill due to his age. Maybe, long time you weren’t demanding of the baby, you felt sorry for him, and now you decided “in one fell swoop” to jump over your own mistakes in raising the baby.

Whims are not born, but become

Toddlers most often send their whims because their signals do not reach adults. This is because parents do not always understand the child, and he still does not know how to clearly express what he wants. He begins to act up, hoping that in this way his parents will hear him and understand his desires.

Whims begin to appear from birth. Adults ignore the needs of their child. Only when the child begins to cry loudly, parents notice that he needs something. And before that, the baby can toss and turn, groan as much as he wants - no one will approach him. Therefore, the baby is still early age begins to understand that if he wants to be heard, to know about his needs, he needs to shout as loudly as possible. Growing up, such children begin to understand why they waste time explaining their desires, because they will not be heard anyway, so they inadequately express their emotions in the form of whims.

The child grew up and, with the help of hysteria, learned to manipulate his parents. He understands that with tears and screams he can get whatever he wants. This behavior of the child discourages the parents, and they follow his lead. Some parents believe that if this is not immediately stopped, the child will manipulate them and suppress him from the very beginning. But extreme measures can be harmful. Of course, you should not indulge the whims of the baby, but you should not ignore his urgent needs.

The child must be taught to express his desires in a normal voice, and parents must listen to his requests. And persistent requests in raised tones, on the contrary, are best ignored. It would be much easier if the parents initially listened to the baby. But if this moment in education was missed, then the situation needs to be corrected gradually.

Every child has a desire to show off. All children love to experiment with the world around them, and parents are no exception. The kid is interested in how adults will react if he starts screaming and crying. And in this situation, there are three options for parental behavior. If the parents respond to the cry of the child in the same way, then the baby will come to the conclusion that he is allowed to communicate with his parents in a raised voice. If adults try to satisfy any request, the child will understand that the voice is a good tool for manipulation. And if the parents ignore and do not pay attention to his whims and offer him to think about whether he needs it, and if not, then explain why it is impossible. The kid will draw conclusions that not all of his desires will be instantly fulfilled, and in order to be heard it is not at all necessary to scream and cry.

The method is not a stick and a carrot, but kindness and understanding

Very often, the child's behavior depends on the situation (naughty because he wants to sleep, tired, lacks your attention), you can relieve tension by eliminating the cause. If whims for a child is an effective way to get what you want. The best thing to do is kiss the baby and tell him in a calm tone: "I understand why you are upset ... But this is not feasible, because ... Let's do it better ... ".

Don't expect the child to change right away, this tactic should be done consistently so you save mental strength yourself and your child.

It is worse if the mother could not restrain herself and begins to hiss the child, then, seeing tears in the eyes of her crumbs, she begins to ask for forgiveness and, in order to appease, offers much more than the baby originally demanded.

What you need to do so that the child is never capricious:

Try not to say the word "no" too often. And if you really set a ban, then explain the reason.
Ban only what is dangerous.
If you want the child to do something necessary, then explain to him the purpose and significance of this matter.
Try not to use force to force the baby to do what you want.

How to deal with whims:

Initially, stop tantrums and whims.
Do not give the baby the opportunity to "go in cycles" on a whim.
Ignore his whims.
Don't give in if you're sure you're right.
Tell your child that his inappropriate behavior is an uninteresting performance.
Try to divert attention with some joke.
Show your love.

It's not always a whim

You must understand that poor appetite, the child does not ask for a potty, cannot fall asleep or wake up in time, this is not a manifestation of character and a whim. Sometimes this can cause malaise or illness. You should also seek help from a specialist if the child has become too aggressive, there are unreasonable bouts of anger, he has become afraid of everything. Perhaps the baby has unreasonable tantrums: he stomps his feet, beats in hysterics on the floor, begins to turn blue. In this situation, you need to contact a psychotherapist.